178 - Shutting Up Your Inner Critic: 5 Tips To Silence Negative Self-Talk

What's up, you guys? Welcome back to another episode of the podcast. If you have got some hopes and some dreams and some things you want to accomplish and achieve, if you are a little goal-driven badass, you do not have time for negative self-talk, okay? That little inner critic needs to be checked. That voice that's tearing you down, it's time to have a little word with her because she's being a little bit. She's being an energy vampire.

And if you're dealing with any food and body image struggles, negative self-talk is like putting gasoline on a fire that we're trying to put out. Okay? So in today's episode, I'm going to give you my five best tips for beating negative self-talk. You ready? Let's get it.

Welcome to the Dear Body Podcast. I'm your host, Jessi Jean, and this show is dedicated to goal-driven women and mothers who want to feel in flow and in momentum in their life instead of perpetually feeling behind. Now, if you don't have a healthy relationship with food, fitness, or your body, we're going to have a lot of discussion around some pretty unique and effective strategies for healing, but we're also going to go way beyond that here.

We're going to have conversations around creating clarity in your life, setting goals, and mastering habits, all while reducing overwhelm, being present, and prioritizing the things that matter most.

Before we get into this, I need to preface by saying I'm not this little positive Polly Pocket who just walks around and never deals with negative self-talk. Okay, I do. In fact, this past weekend, we went to Rocky Mountain National Park. We were camping. You guys, we went camping with our eight-month-old baby.

Like the amount of logistics it takes just to go over to our friend's house for a night. We've got to pack up the pack and play. We've got to get the diaper bag. We've got to get the monitor in case he needs to go down. We've got to make sure we've got bottles and diapers and wipes and toys. It's just insane. Now think about going camping and spending the night and making sure that your baby stays alive in the woods. Like that's a lot of logistics.

I'm so proud of us for doing it. But I was feeling not so optimistic about this trip. I was being a little negative Nancy and I'm like, you know, I don't know if this is going to work. But all of our friends were like full steam ahead.

We're doing this. They were a little more confident because everybody else that was camping with us did not have children and Your confidence to go do things when you don't have children is a lot higher than when you have children Parents, you know what i'm talking about.

So my attitude going into this trip is not immaculate if you know what I mean, i'm like a little on edge because one i'm an anxious mom and i'm like is my child going to Freeze to death in the middle of the night while we're camping. Obviously, that's not going to happen and it's the middle of the summer. The nights aren't even going to get that cold. We purchased a baby safe sleeping bag that's rated for like 30 degrees.

So he's going to be absolutely fine. However, I'm also a little irritated that we had to spend a couple hundred dollars on a baby safe sleeping bag that is only going to last us maybe a year and a half. Anyways, I'm like, Jesse, you have friends coming in from Florida. They are flying to you to go do this camping trip. They've never been to a national park. You need to turn your attitude around. So I'm really trying to turn it around.

But here's a little aside. If you have never been to a national park, I went to my first national park, Zion, in Utah in 2020, and it changed my life. Going into that national park made me proud to live in America. The national parks are some of the most beautiful places the United States has to offer. I had no idea. Breathtaking views, breathtaking hikes, incredible hiking. You see wildlife that you've never seen before. It is truly... Unreal. And I had no idea. I went to Zion.

We hiked the Narrows. We did Angels Landing. I went and saw Moab, which was stunning. We did Bryce Canyon. Then we later did the Grand Tetons and Yellowstone National Park. And just this past weekend, Rocky Mountain National Park.

We're going to do the sand dunes. If you haven't been to some of the national parks in the United States, I highly recommend going, but I will say a lot of people enter these parks and they do not understand that it is not a zoo and they go up in full confidence and want to pet a wild bison. And that's just not a smart idea. So do not have that level of confidence when you go into these national parks.

Be cautious, understand your surroundings, and also understand that some of these hikes can be dangerous. Read the signs. There are signs around national parks that say, how many people have died on this hike because they didn't pay attention to the signage or how many people thought it would be cool to take a picture with a bison and got trampled. So you got to understand what you're getting into. When you go into these national parks, you are going into the wild.

If you know how to be in the woods and you read the signs and you pay attention and you have some common sense, you're going to be totally fine. But some people just don't have that. Anyways, back to our trip. So i'm like jesse turn it around turn your attitude around they stay at my house Friday night.

Our plan is to leave at 8 a.m Saturday morning to drive three hours to go to this national park and stay the night there and go camping I know that there is no way we are getting out of the door at 8 a.m. I love my friends to death They are not timely. I know myself. I am also not timely. I have a baby we wake up We don't leave here until like 11 a.m So again, a little irritated. We're trying to get out the door, and I'm being a little negative Nancy inside of my head.

We're driving. We're driving. We finally get there. It's a beautiful day. We pull up to the entrance. We pay for our yearly national park pass. We get in. We drive to our campsite that we had reserved. We're setting up camp, and we're all just having a great time. We're vibing. They're excited. They've never been to a national park. We're setting up this big party tent that our other friends let us borrow. It's the Costco one. It sleeps like freaking 30 people. Just kidding. It's like 10 people.

We're setting up this massive tent and all of a sudden... There is a park ranger that slowly drives around to our campsite. He rolls his window down. He looks over at us and we're looking at him like, excuse me, sir, have we done something wrong? He gets out. He walks up. He's looking around and he's like, excuse me, who was in this vehicle right here? He's pointing to my vehicle. We all who rode in my vehicle, we raise our hands and we're like, that would be us. And he's like, all right.

And who was operating the vehicle? My husband raises his hand and he's like, that would be me. And he's like, thank you, sir. Can I speak with you privately? My heart falls through my butthole. I'm like, I have no idea what's going on. What happened? What did we do. I have no idea what's going on. And I'm like, this is the father of my child. Did he do something? Is he a foreign spy? We've always joked that my husband could be a foreign spy. What is going on?

And I'm like, you know what? I just need to march over there. I need to have this baby on my hip. And I need to be like, sir, I don't know what he did, but he is a father of my child and we need him. And I'm freaking out. My friends are like, Jessie, come on, let's just keep setting up camp. Everything's going to be fine. And I'm like, no, no, I am scared. And I need that guy. I don't know what I would do without that guy. I don't know what's going on.

And he's over there and he's standing like 25 feet from the officer. Like the officer's not even standing close to him. And I'm like, what in the world is happening? My husband walks back over and he's like, damn, yeah, we got $180 ticket. Now, I'm sorry, but I'm not going to tell you what we got a ticket for because it is so stupid and it is so embarrassing. All along, I thought we were going to get, my husband was going to get arrested. I didn't know what was going on.

Anyways, my friend goes, ah, damn, that's the stupid tax. We have to pay a stupid tax. Now, if it was just my husband and I on this camping trip, we would have sulked. It would have taken us a while to recover from this situation, if you know what I mean. We would have been bitching about it. We would have been in our fields, we would have been annoyed because it was just dumb. It was a careless mistake. It was stupid. And it would have taken us a while to bounce back.

My friend, on the other hand, he is a master at this one thing. And this is my number one tip for combating negativity and negative self-talk.

And it is reframing. My friend goes, yeah, we got to pay the stupid tax. But you you know what? At least none of us are in the phase of life anymore where $180 is going to send us into debt. As soon as he said that, we all started laughing. The vibe instantly changed and we started to have a good time again. We laughed it off. We got back to setting up our cam and we enjoyed the rest of our night together. And that right there is so incredibly powerful.

It is a skill. It is a practice. And what I've noticed is that when I am around certain people who are more negative, I become more negative and I engage in more negative self-talk. It is contagious. And I also notice that I tend to be more positive and engage in more positive self-talk when I am around people who are positive.

Obviously, this is not rocket science to figure out, but I want to point this out because if you are in a phase in your life and you're trying to stop beating yourself up, you're trying to stop talking negatively about your body, you're trying to divorce diet cultures bullshit, bullshit. And you find yourself continuing to slip into it. Just pay attention to who you're around and how they speak about life, circumstances, themselves, and notice if it's contagious.

I bet you it is. Their vibe, all of us, our energy, whether it's positive or negative, it's infectious. And I encourage you to pay attention to the ways in which it's subtle. So imagine, for example, you're out to eat with some friends and one of your friends decides to order the fresh bread and cinnamon butter. It comes to the table. It's smelling good.

You start to eat it and somebody says, oh, this is so good, but I really shouldn't be eating this or, oh, this tastes so good, but there's probably so many calories in this. In that moment, it's not blatantly obvious that maybe it's negative. However, it kind of sucks the energy out of the room. It's kind of a vibe kill, right?

It's hard to enjoy the fresh bread and cinnamon butter when somebody's talking about how many calories it is or how they shouldn't be eating it or how they've been so bad on their diet. And my encouragement in moments like that, whether you're having that thought yourself or somebody saying a thought out loud and it's somebody else's dialogue, my encouragement is to be somebody who challenges unhelpful statements or your own unhelpful statements.

Thoughts. That's not helpful. If you're on a path to heal your relationship with food and not moralize food and be able to make peace with food and actually enjoy food and not be triggered and impulsive, we need to handle food in a different way.

And so challenging those types of unhelpful thoughts and instead of coming into agreement with the negative or unhelpful thoughts inside your own head or the negative or unhelpful thoughts and comments that somebody else says instead of just, you know, it tends to be our automatic response to go, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.

Instead of doing that, my encouragement is to challenge that and reframe just like my friend did when he said, you know what, at least we're not in the phase of life where $180 is going to send any of us into debt. My encouragement in that moment, if you're sitting at, you know, dinner with your friends and they make a comment is to say something like, you know what, I actually heard that they bake the bread fresh here. It is so good. Why don't we just enjoy it? You can say something to reframe.

And what's really cool about being somebody who's good at reframing is you inject energy. You are, you uplevel the vibe. You set the vibe. You set the tone. You bring the energy back and it feels really good. I'm really grateful to have this friend of mine who shifted the vibe, who shifted our perspective. you can be that for others and you can also be that for yourself.

Negative self-talk really involves making these critical and kind of pessimistic statements about yourself or about the environment or about the situation. We're focusing on perceived weaknesses and we're in this kind of self-defeating, discouraging inner dialogue cycle. It's critical. It's harsh. We're focused on flaws and mistakes. It's problem focused. It's self-deprecating. It looks like Like, I can't do anything right. I'm such a failure. No one likes me. I'll never be good enough.

I always mess up. I never get things done. And the impact of not getting good at reframing is staying in this habitual pattern of negative self-talk, which ends up really impacting our self-esteem. It lowers our self-esteem. It erodes our confidence. It increases our stress and anxiety. We start to have this perspective and outlook on life that's super negative. It depletes our motivation to put forth effort. It wears on our desire to be persistent.

It detracts from our overall mental well-being. And it really has a negative impact on our life.

If you want to evolve your life, if you want to grow, which I know you do, we all do, if you want to achieve goals and dreams and fulfill your potential and you have things that you want to do and you want to accomplish, we have to get good.

At reframing. We have to get good at challenging that inner voice, that critical, negative, nagging inner voice, because it's having an impact on our energy levels and our ability to be in a state where we can attract the things we want, become the women that we want to become, and evolve and grow in the ways that we want to. So to reframe a negative thought, the very first step is just to have an awareness that you're having a thought that's either negative or it's just not helpful.

And it might not even be your own thought. It can be you're in conversation with somebody and you're like, wow, that was negative or that was unhelpful. Let me help reframe this conversation. So for example, maybe you're having the thought, I never finish anything I start. The second part of reframing negative thoughts is to challenge the thought.

So start to question Question the accuracy or the helpfulness of that thought and maybe consider that you have some evidence that contradicts that thought. Do you really never, ever finish anything you start? Think of a time that you actually did follow through and finish something you started. Challenge it. And then what we want to do is we want to reframe.

We want to transform that negative thought into something that's more positive or at least more neutral so that it's a little bit supportive. So instead of I never finish anything I start, it could look like I'm on a journey and I am learning and improving how to get better at following through on the things that I start. That right there is a little perspective shift. It's a little reframe. It's way more energy giving.

It doesn't suck the air out of the room and it keeps us in a better headspace. And if you don't do this and you don't consider the impact it's having on your life and it's kind of a habit, it does have an impact on your relationship with food. Negative self-talk can lead to using food as a coping mechanism for dealing with some difficult emotions that leads us into emotional overeating.

Feelings of guilt and shame can then trigger negative binge eating episodes where we consume large amounts of food in a short period of time. If we're criticizing ourself for the food choices that we make, that can lead to overly restrictive eating patterns, which are obviously unhealthy and unsustainable and keep us in that all or nothing rollercoaster.

Negative self-talk about food can also create this cycle of guilt and shame where we start to view certain foods as bad or off limits, constantly having negative self-talk can absolutely be a contributing factor to the development of disordered eating patterns or full-blown eating disorders. And if we're striving for perfection in our diet, that obviously leads to these rigid rules, these unrealistic standards that are totally impossible. Difficult, really difficult to maintain.

They result in feelings of failure. We go into this negative self-talk and it just becomes this cycle. So start to pay attention to the thoughts that you're having about yourself, about your circumstances. And if they are negative or if they're overly negative, try not to beat yourself up for having them.

Be grateful that you're starting to grow in awareness and meet yourself with a little bit of compassion and a lot of grace and meet those thoughts with compassion and just try to lovingly shift, lovingly shift your energy, reframe, see the glass was half full, look at how you can think about the situation that you're in or the thought that you just had in a different way.

And if you can't get to the place where you're thinking more positive thoughts, just start by getting to a place where you're reframing your negative thoughts to be a little bit more neutral.

So my second tip to beat negative self-talk is to practice the three good things exercise. So this is a really simple exercise. At the end of the day, reflect on three things that happened or three things that you did well for the day, or even just three things that you're grateful for, you can write this down or you can simply talk about it with a partner, a friend, your mom, just take the time at the end of the day.

And if you have to force yourself to just focus on three things that went well today, this practice will help you shift your focus from negative to positive, and it just reinforces a more optimistic outlook. Look, again, we can get in these cycles or these periods of our life where we are just in the habit of negative self-talk and having a negative perspective. And we need to pay attention to that and see how it's impacting us, see how unhelpful it is, and do things to shift that.

So if you're in a place in your life where you are struggling with negative self-talk, this practice can be pretty powerful. You can keep a journal for this, or you can lay in bed at the end of the day and just think through. Some things that went well, some things that you did well, some things that you're grateful for. For example, it can be, I completed my workout and I felt energized.

I cooked a good meal and I really enjoyed it. I had a great conversation with my girlfriend because I took the time to reach out. Just practice shifting your perspective and shifting your energy. I always tell the women inside of the Food Freedom Online program that we need to become good managers of our own energetic states because your energy is literally everything. It is the reason in a large way your life is the way it is.

Our energy is what attracts things to us and it's what repels things from us. And so we need to understand what energy we are embodying and how that's impacting our life and the things that we want and our results. And so pay attention to where your energy's at. If you're constantly in a funky energy, let's understand. And this is something I have to remind myself of too. Okay, like I'm not perfect at this and I'm not trying to preach here. I'm preaching to my own choir.

I have to pay attention to my own energetic state. My husband, sometimes I'm like, why aren't you being more positive? And he's like, look at you, you're contributing to this as well. And I'm like, oh my gosh, he's right. I contribute to the tense energy in our home sometimes, the negative energy in our home sometimes. And so I am not trying to preach to you. I am preaching to my own choir here that I need to pay attention to how I am managing my energy because when I get around certain people.

That have a very high energetic frequency. They are positive. They are optimistic. They see the world in a totally different way. Like my friend who I went camping with, it is inspiring. It's motivating. I see how it impacts his life and his relationships and the connections he makes and the network that he creates and the opportunities that he gets. And so this is my reminder for all of us that we need to pay attention and to where our energy's at and to manage that.

And a lot of times it comes from thinking, paying attention to where our thoughts are at and if they're helpful or unhelpful, if they're positive or negative and paying attention to where there's opportunities to reframe. Now, my third tip for combating negative self-talk is to surround yourself with some positive energy.

Again, energy is infectious. If you are around people who are more negative, you are likely going to become more negative and engage in more negative self-talk. And so pay attention to the energy of the people that you are around. And I have some people in my life who I love dearly, but they tend to be more negative. And so I realize that when I'm around them, they drain my energy a little bit. And there are other people in my life who are super optimistic.

They're super positive. They're never speaking negatively. Of, I mean, sometimes they, you know, we all have our moments where we're venting and we need to vent and that's totally okay, but. There are people in my life who do a really good job of trying to see opportunity and shift their perspective. And I notice that when I am around people who are more positive, it impacts how I feel. It impacts how I believe in myself.

It impacts so much of my life. And so I would encourage you to kind of just take a little bit of an audit of who you spend the most time with. With? Who are you around most? What type of content are you consuming online? Who are your coworkers? Who are the people that you spend your weekends with and how are they impacting your energy? If you focus on trying to spend a little bit more time with people who have positive energy, it will absolutely affect you and let it affect you.

When you notice that somebody has really good energy, allow that energy to kind of penetrate your spirit. I notice when I'm around people who are super high vibe, I'm like, okay, this is amazing. I am going to try and embody what they've got going on and I allow myself to be influenced by them. Likewise, when I have the self-awareness to recognize, oh, I'm in a situation right now where people are kind of negative and And it's so easy to slip into being negative with them.

I try and recognize it and go, how can I reframe in this moment? How can I reframe this conversation? How can I shift this? And that's a lot harder, but it's a practice and I would encourage you to try. Before we jump back into our conversation, I wanted to share something that I have been working on that I think you might really enjoy. joy. It's called Weekly Wisdom for a Well-Lived Life, and it's kind of my passion project right now.

It's a free newsletter that I send out every week where I share three little and sometimes not so little things I wish someone would have shared with me earlier that have made my life better, sometimes significantly better. These are little nuggets of wisdom, practical tips, self-growth prompts, affirmations I have on repeat, and a whole lot more. And as a part of the newsletter crew, you'll also be the first to know when a new episode of the podcast drops.

I would love to have you there. You can subscribe at jessigean.com slash newsletter. That's J-E-S-S-I J-E-A-N.com slash newsletter, or find the link in the show notes. All right, back to the episode.

All right, now my fourth tip is if you need a little bit of a vibe check, if your energy is stale. If it's stagnant, if it's negative. I notice when mine is just kind of funky, my go-to is to turn on a positive and uplifting playlist. If you do not have a playlist created with your favorite songs and your favorite artists that puts you in a good mood, I would really encourage you to create one.

Some of the artists that are my go-tos, you might have totally different music tastes than I do, you, but I'm just going to share with you some of mine. Some of my go-to artists are Krungbin. They are amazing. Black Pumas, Erling, Tropical Sax Vibe, Sophie Tucker, Super Fun and Upbeat, Trinix, Big Wild. Those are some of my go-tos. So when I'm in kind of a funky mood and I recognize it, I'm like, you know what? I need a little bit of external input to shift my energy.

I'll turn on some music. I'll shake it out. I'll dance it out. And I'll shift because I know that just sulking and sitting in unhelpful thoughts, self-deprecating, self-talk, it's just unhelpful. And so I try to not spend too much time there. And sometimes when I'm venting to my husband, he'll give me the floor to vent and he's like, all right, you good? You got it out? Because we need that. We need the space to vent. We need the space to just blow off some steam.

But then Then we also need people in our life to go, all right, enough of that. Let's shift. Let's change the energy. And what my husband will do, he goes, okay, well, let's think about the things that we're grateful for or the things that you're doing well. And he'll make me go through that exercise, like the three good things. Like what are some three things you can be grateful for today or three things that you did well today?

And we'll shift the energy. We'll turn on some music. And we just totally...

Take control of our energy and we practice managing it. Now, my fifth tip is to have visual reminders. If you need to write out some sticky notes and put them on your fridge, on your mirror, around your house to remind you of some affirmations or to put on a playlist at the end of the day or to check in with yourself and to check in with your thoughts, get out some sticky notes, write down some reminders, write down some affirmations so that you can be reminded. Some of us are visual and we need

things like that. And so having visual reminders can be super helpful. So those are some of my tips for combating negative self-talk. I'm happy to have you today. I am proud to be in the company of people who are trying to grow and evolve and be better versions of themselves. That is inspiring to me. So thank you for being here. If you found this episode helpful, if you're enjoying the podcast, share it with a friend. This is how we grow. This is how we reach more people.

And if you have a second to leave a review and to rate the podcast, that is also super, super helpful. I read every single review. It means the world to me. All right. I think that is all for now. I will catch you next time.