Serious Relationship Questions

Bailey brought this up the other day that your friend Katie Cap, who is you know, she's been you know single, yeah, for years and years, but now she's being a little bit more serious. She's having a conversation with this with this fella, yes, about life and things.

Yeah.

So Katie Cap and I have been kind of on the same route with singleness, and she got a boyfriend kind of at the same time as me, and she is very serious with this guy, so pretty much on their third date, she gave me this list of questions that she asked him and they went like back and forth answering these questions. And I think me and regular guy have maybe answered five five of these questions.

And that's here is what they are. Okay, So here they are.

It is a long list, but I'll try and get through them with enough time for you to soak in.

Okay.

Do you have a mental timeline of when you want to be married by Am I someone you generally want to be with or am I just fitting into that timeline? M Do you want kids? How many kids? What if those kids can't biologically be you? What if you could never have children that are biologically yours? What if those children were never of infant age. How much money do you make? Do you receive an annual raise?

I'm going to stop there only because yeah, the other ones I totally get it. But that's an interesting one because you do need to know how much someone makes. Are you going to be the financial, like, you know, responsible person in the in the relationship, right? You know? Do they, like you know, work part time here and there down in the valley records and they make three thirty five an hour? Or do they make some that's a question.

Yeah, yeah, And Katie cap has been known to like if when she would go on dates with people, she would see what their job title was and she would google it with salary on the end to see how much they love Katie Castles, I know. So, how much money do you make? Do you make an annual raise? If yes, what was that raise last year? How much do you have in savings? Do you have separate accounts for retirement?

That's a question that's I think that's reserved for you're deep into relationship asking someone how much they have in savings. Yeah, that's a deeply personal question.

Well, that's it's on the list.

What do you think about that one? Jenny, would you be what would you How would you feel if you're, like, you know, seeing this new guy and he's like, you know, or just wondering how much have in shavings?

I would be perfectly fine saying what I have because I'm very financially responsible. I would be uncomfortable asking that to whoever I'm seeing.

You'd be okay telling him what you have in.

Savings, absolutely, because I'm proud of how I handle my money. I do very well with money, so I'm okay with that.

You're like me, you just don't really spend it, Yeah, pretty much. You spend it on the things that you love.

Yeah. Do you have a separate account set up for retirement? If yes, what is your annual contribution? Do you have any debt? If so, how much and from what? What is your plan for paying that down? What is the interest of the US.

Are all questions that you might want to ask in a relationship. Yeah, let me know whether you think these are too intrusive to be like date number three and Katie Key is asking this guy Katie.

But yeah, it's bold, but like he answered them and they like went back and forth with these questions. So wild, but Okay, have you ever lived alone? Have you ever lived with a girlfriend? When was your last relationship and how long was that last time?

When was your last bowel movement? I mean that's a fair question too, fair gut health, it's fair.

You need to know, you know how you move long term.

Do you see yourself still living in the city or living in the suburbs. What religion are you? Is it important to you that your children be the same religion as you? What are your three biggest fears in life? And what does a meaningful life look like to you? I like all of those.

I think one I would add to the like talking about previous relationships, is like why did the relationship end? Yeah, if someone sits there and says that the other person was crazy, or they say that about a lot of people, that's Oh.

I think it's one of those things like somebody can be crazy. You can date a guy who's crazy, you can date a woman who's crazy, you can date anybody who's crazy. But if everybody they dated up, oh she's crazy, Oh she's really crazy. Oh, well, then it's like he It's kind of like I read somewhere years ago, like if you think everybody around you is a jerk. Oh, my boss is a jerk. Bailey's a jerk, vonds of pain and that should you're the jerk. So but really interesting.

Yeah, somebody texted in saying those questions yikes, how can you ask these questions?

Sounds like a business transaction?

Wow? Wow.

I think that maybe in your twenties it might be a little bit too much. But like me, Bailey, Katiekap, we're in our thirties now, and like, if you want to settle down and have kids and have a marriage and stuff, you kind of have to get to the harder questions much quicker.

Yeah, in life, But I think maybe my generation is different, or at least my thought is different. You will learn these things organically as you go through their life. If they bring up like what religion are you, well, if it never comes up, then I'm going to assume that religion is not particularly important to them. However, if they're like, yeah, I'm going to temple on Saturday. You know I can't go out on Saturday. We got temple and then we got a bar mitzvah, and then I'd be like, oh, well,

I do agree with that, because last night I just had these conversations with the guy I'm seeing because we were talking about like four oh one k's roth iras because my mom sent me something about an old roth ira I have, and I was kind of trying to clock what he was saying about what he has to figure out how financially responsible he's been in life. So I do agree you do kind of get that through like context clues eventually, but sometimes you do have to just before.

Well.

I think the kid thing is important. I think it's like, you know, I want to have kids. I really want to have kids, and if I find out that, you know, like three years in that you don't want to have kids or you're unable to have kids, that might be really important to me. We got to take a break, but we're gonna come back both with more of this. This kind of came up out of nowhere, and it's

Before, not in real life I have. She's delightful.

She sounds like a riot but she's seeing a guy, so she's like, I'm going to ask you some questions about like your future and your romance. And then before we get to the list of questions again, they were basically like how much money do you make, how much do you have in savings? What is your religion? Are you serious about your religion? And I said, man, I don't know about this. I think those are very intrusive for being early, but it's a fascinating topic. But Laura

Well, when I first started dating my husband, I asked them on the first date quite a few of those questions. I was just in a place in my life where I wasn't going to give people the time if it wasn't worth my time.

And on date number one you might have asked him like how many kids do you want? Or do you want to have kids? Or you know what?

Yeah, I kind of coming off of the relationships that I had before, I kind of focused on the financial ones, like how much debt do you have? Are you good with your money, you know, I'll get that.

I think if you're burned by something like it, by a cheater or a gambler or whatever, that's the first thing you're going to like watch for on your radar when you're seeing somebody news like so you have a gambling problem, but you wouldn't ask that and if you hadn't had a problem with that with your past, okay, But how's it worked out now all these years later.

We've gone together for almost sixteen years.

Whoa sixteen baby? Would you recommend asking those questions? If you were Bailey, I.

Would say it's good to get it out of the way early on in the relationship because sometimes like things, yes you can get them out naturally, but sometimes those things take time. And if it's a big topic for you, then I would say.

Ah, yeah, okay.

I also think you said to you, by the way, thank you.

It's been sixteen years since Laura and her now husband went on that first day. I also think we're just in a different time in the world whereas asking certain questions, it might be the little like at bro pol you know what I'm saying, Like people might not be as willing to share that now as they were sixteen years ago.

I feel like people are more willing to share that stuff, though.

I think it's just different.

You know, I don't know which questions people would or wouldn't, but there's definitely some that are different than others.

Now, leave this text us.

Two of my friends want to get married and have kids. That is their plan and their goal, and they don't want to waste their time, so they're happy to find out so many things throughout the relationship, like likes and dislikes, little quirk stuff like that. But they ask the kids questions among other serious ones from the get go. They don't want to spend time with someone who doesn't want kids or isn't financially stable. It might be intense for some,

No, it might be wrong. It might be a generational thing, not that our generation got a right because our divorce rate I think among across all demos is fifty percent. Yeah, after five years or ten years or whatever. But here's somebody who says I'm sixty three. I do not believe it. You meet them and you grow to learn these and then somebody else says, I don't know how old they are. I agree with Dave. Organic is more intimate, not a job interview. But I get how one can be very practical,

Well, I cause somebody else texted in saying like these sound like deal breaker questions, and I think that's that's the reasoning for Katie Cap, Like, I want to get these deal breaker questions out of the way, because like, if I don't know the answer to these questions and I find them out six months in, then have I

You know, it's a little bit of a list, but it's very valuable and we're gonna put this up on the Graham Yes, on them so you can go and you can like, you know, you don't have to remember all these questions.

Yes. Do you have a mental timeline of when you want to be married by? Am I someone you genuinely want to be with or am I just fitting into that timeline? Do you want kids? How many kids? What if those kids can't biologically be yours? What if you could never have children that are biologically yours? What if those children were never of infant age? How much money do you make? Do you receive an annual raise? If yes, what was that raise last year? How much do you

Long term?

Do you see yourself still living in the city or living in the suburbs. What religion are you? Is it important to you that your children be the same religion as you? What are your three biggest fears in life? And what does a meaningful life look like to you?

Man, I think I only know the answer to like two or three of those questions with the person I am saying right pretty early.

And I think that it kind of dawns on me that everybody. If you talk to somebody who's like, I'm really glad we're bringing this up, that's good. Yeah, But if you talk to somebody it's like, man, I barely know you. You're asking me how much is in my fural one? K none? Ya none? And somebody said, you know what this is the kind of a guy's going to be like, so, how much money you got into

I agree with that, but I think too many people have been like financially scarred. So I'm totally fine would be in that intrusive about those questions. Yeah, my parents bought about money constantly, so that is why I am the way I am about money.

I have no clue how me and Alyssa had those conversations when we first got together, because we've been with each other like roughly four years now, and I think, like Dave, I think it just kind of happened naturally.

It wasn't like a first date, second date.

It was just like, let's just see, we'll talk and if it comes up, it comes up, or when it comes up.

It comes up.

Right.

And my last relationship, which was pretty long, I don't know if I knew any of these answers to these questions.

Long ago, or are you're saying the relation the duration of it was long, like the it was the duration.

Oh gotcha, gotcha.

Yeah. So anyway, yeah, a lot of people are saying, like, ho, Katie Gabb whoa marriage minded?

But like, so is this other guy that she's seeing?

So I think they're both on the same page and she kind of looked out there because yeah, I think these would be like big questions that would be kind of like whoa, hey.

Girl, really interesting. Wow, this is the most interesting you've ever been. You've been on here the show for almost two years, and you've never really been this interesting.

All the time to me, though I know I'm always he hasn't said it to me yet.

So it's a plus.

You haven't been interesting yet working on it.