Group Therapy: Am I Being Love Bombed?

The Dam Ryan Show. Okay, so we have Nikki on the phone. He sent us an email about something that kind of happened, a confrontation with her sister over Thanksgiving. So, Nikki, what is going on with you for group therapy today? I?

Well, I've been single for about nine years, I would say, and I've I've dated a bit here and there, but I really haven't had a boyfriend for a while. And then I met this guy and there was just this really strong connection right off the bat, and I I really think that he might be the one that I'm going to marry. Okay, And it was It's kind of like a whirlwind, you know. And he does like so many really wonderful and kind things for me that I really love.

Like what.

Well, like pretty much every time I see him, he has some kind of like little gift for me, so maybe like a candle or a Starbucks gift card. He just really thoughtful. And he'll text me in the morning a good morning, and every night he texted me good night, and he'll say a lot of the time that we're meant to be together. And we have a song he sent me a buff Do you know that Savage Garden song? I knew I loved you.

I think.

This it's like I'm the nineties fall.

Yeah that's the way, and back.

And forth like okay, yeah, I love that song.

I love that song too, so he said, that's our song. So so it's been going really, really great. But this past week I went to my grandma's for Thanksgiving and he was texting me a ton and I didn't really think anything of it because that's how we normally communicate. And he was texting me like, how are you what are you eating? What's the best dessert? Are you watching the football game? You know, stuff like that. And I showed my sister because I thought it was really sweet.

Is it bad?

I don't know. I just thought he was being sweet.

So you so you've been single for nine years now, you think you found the one because he's doing all these romantic things.

But your sister thinks it's love bombing.

Yeah, She like, really she just made me feel really bad about it, to be honest, and I thought it was really so much interested in my day, in what was going on. But she thinks it's love bombing.

So my question is, you guys have been dating for how long? This is new? Right?

Yeah, we've it's been almost two months.

Okay, So I mean it sounds like right off the bat, yeah, you like had pretty strong feelings for him, but then he jumped right into like what sounds like getting you gifts and like kind of surprising you with sweet things.

He sent her a song.

But there are people already texting saying love bomb, love bomb. Somebody said, I'm such a paranoid free but I'm hearing love bombing.

Okay, So if you don't know what love bombing is, it's basically when you start in a relationship and someone goes like crazy with the affection, attention, gives gifts, stuff like that. But it's more of like try and create this emotional bond independence on the other person so that the person doesn't leave.

Almost what's wrong with I hear what you're saying, But what's wrong with me showing you affection?

Especially so early?

That's when they call it the honeymoon phase, the cupcake phase, when everything's like, Oh, I love you, I love you too.

I think there's a line that can be drawn with it where it's like, if you're getting a gift every single time you see each other, and you guys are seeing each other like four days out of the seven of the week, then that's probably a little bit too much because then you're just like going to get so used to that. But we're we're curious to hear what you have to say, if you want to give us

First of all, love you guys so much, love your morning show, Love you back. And I think that this is love bombing for sure. If it feels too good to be true, then it is too good to be true. It's like one thing to want to be together and know how your day is going, but to be checking in that frequently.

Its red flag?

How is a red flag?

So, Alex, have you been in this position before?

I have?

Okay, toxic and think about like longevity of this. You cannot be checking in with each other this much twenty four to seven?

Why not?

So? What what do you feel like was toxic with yours?

Like?

How did yours end? Was it a matter of like you did start to become like dependent on him or her?

No, not dependent at all. I felt like there was more space that needed to be had and I wasn't getting it. And I feel like you've got to be able to be your own person and have your person. You can't rely on the other person to the extent that he's relying on her for happiness.

It seems so.

Then I'm assuming you ended the relationship.

Oh yeah, many years ago, married, now two kids, okay, drop off, yeah.

Got it, got it? Okay. So Alex, you're saying it's love bombing and you think Nikki should stay get out of it. What do you think?

I think she seek it out of it. She's happy, she's happy, but if she has to be able to return that energy for the.

Rest of her life.

And yeah, I don't underto it.

I don't get how.

There's so many I'm not even gonna just say women. There are so many people that crave for a man or a woman or anybody to give them everything on the planet. I am one of those people that I love to give my girlfriend a list of the world. We've been together going on four years, but me going above and beyond, and you guys have had to talk me down about buying fifteen things just because she had a bad day.

That when you started dating her, were you constantly showing up and giving her a gift every single time you saw her?

Not a gift, but I was definitely on my p's and q's because I had to show her that that's what I wanted in life.

Yeah, I wanted her.

I just think that there is a clear difference between me interested in showing interest and love bombing. There is a difference. There is manipulation when it comes to love bombing, where you are literally getting that person so hooked on you that you can then potentially manipulate them later in the relationship. You were not doing that. You were being sweet,

I guess the only difference is, yeah, Nikki's case that this is very, very fresh. I don't know how much I was doing compared to this guy because it was four years ago.

But he texting us that sounds called dependent. No, I'm just a lover.

Vond is a lover. Here. We got some more people on the phone. LeRoy's on the phone, Lera, What do you want to say about this group therapy?

I think that if it is love bombing is just a definition that people want to put on it.

You can't.

You're not a doctor about it. So if she likes it, she likes it. Maybe her sister needs to relax and stay out her business because we're all grown ups. And that's the problem in as well. We're in each other's business too much and we're doing things.

Okay, Is it fair, though, to be in your sister's business, because I think I would probably be in my sister's business if I was concerned.

No, I really don't think it is fair to be in people's business because you don't have a clue what's going on in that man's mind, and you might not have a clue what's going on in your sisters.

Just because he's.

Buying things, don't mean he's trying to love bombers.

Yeah, I mean, I just.

Think people stay in everybody's business way too much. It's become a norm.

Clearra. You don't think that it was a little bit too much for him to say that this is their song?

Oh no, maybe he actually felt like that. And that's what I'm saying. You don't really have a clue on what people are feeling, so you can't put him in a box. Yeah what's going on? You got to let him live their life.

Okay, I mean that's a different take on it. I appreciate you, Lee, right, Thanks so much for calling in. We also have Francisco on the phone. Francisco, Nikki got into a new relationship. She's been seeing this guy. He gives her a lot of guests, he texts her pretty often, and now he already says that they have the song by Savage Garden. What do you think Francisco has this love bombing? Should she run like her sister says or stick it out? Yes?

Hi, Good morning Jenny, Good morning bond. What First off, I want to tell Nikki if she is listening, I'm just speaking from my experience.

Yes, I think that's important.

He wants you to know that from my experience. When I first met my wife, we first started talking, I knew what I wanted in life, and she fits a lot of those things. Well think work. It's more, I saw a lot of these characteristics in her, and from the beginning I knew I loved that about her and I appreciated that. So I made sure in the beginning right away to inform her and let her know that this is how I'm feeling, this is what I wanted.

Yeah, it's your love language, and I think the relationship that you develop with your partner. There's so many text messages coming in. A lot of people agree with that last call of Leeroy. Some other people are saying this love bombing stuff is crazy. You can text five three, nine to one. By the way, love bombing stuff is crazy.

I agree. I think though, on the flip side of things, is like, you've never been in a position before to have been love bombed where someone has completely like turned the table on you out of nowhere after they just showed you all of this like emotional connection, and then out of nowhere, they're like just kidding. So like, there is people who have experienced actual love bombing, and so they are scarred from that, and they don't want this

Yeah, that's fine.

I'm not saying it doesn't happen, but I'm just saying we can't jump the concludion it's only been two months of this guy doing this stuff, for sure.

I mean, obviously we don't know what their relationship actually is like between the two of them. We are basing this off of a two minute conversation with Nikki, but I think her sister's looking out for her. If you missed it, Nikki basically was that Thanksgiving and she was telling her sister about how this new guy she's been seeing he was texting her like pretty consistently asking her a million questions throughout Thanksgiving, and he also gives her

I just went to the same thing. I start of seeing some guy.

He got me.

Roses, he told me he loved me, he sent me texts all the time. But then after like a month and a half, I started turning really bad.

He was rude to me.

I felt a kindom of lies. I'm like, it was horrible. But this guy that she's seeing isn't doing like, isn't lying, is still sweet, It's okay with being apart from her and not trying to move in or anything like that. I'd tell her to take take her chances.

Yeah, so you've even experienced it and you're saying, still, maybe do it, but just be cautious because obviously, like it turned for you, it turned into a pretty negative situation for you.

Yes, very bad. Like it's like roses little sweet, nothing's always pain. I'm like to a complete listening to flying to me you want to And because they couldn't move in, he threw a big fit. He talked badly about me to a friends and family and like that was like a true case of love bombing. But if this guy is still doing the things for her and it's not fighting with her and not saying bad things about her, and it's still perfect, and I tell her to take my chances of okay, I like that.

I mean, we've gotten a lot of different things and so many text messages that have come in. We can read a couple of these, but then we'll wrap up. Love Bombing is mostly applied when one person feels like they're about to lose the other person, not in the first phases. Someone says, someone else says, I'm a therapist. And people who say love bombing is so great and just one way of showing affection don't truly understand what love bombing is. People who are bombing do not like boundaries.

Yeah, we just don't We don't know if they set boundaries, or if she's okay with it or what because she has been fine with it. I'm just saying we cannot put the we cannot jump the conclusion and say that he's love bombing, because if that's the case, anytime anybody shows any affection in a relationship, but we jump to that, I'm sorry.

You'll probably be single for a while.