9am Hour - We're Aliens

Best Laugh contest right now on kd WB, Bailey's gonna tell you a joke so you'll have something actually laugh at. And the best laugh is gonna go see John Mullaney and we got a little clip. I'm doing well myself.

In a couple of days, I'm gonna turn twenty nine years old, and I'm very excited about that. I was hoping by now that I would look older, but it didn't happen.

I don't look older, I just look worse.

I think honestly, when I'm walking down the street, no one's ever like, hey, look at that man. I think they're just like, whoa, That tall child looks terrible.

Get some rest tall child? Just him doing that. I can picture what he looks like. It's like he's got the kind of baby face, kind of clean cut, kind of a look. Well he used to.

He used to look kind of like a string bean, and then he got one of them chin implants, so now he looks kind of like being serious Clark. Yes, I'm being serious Clerk. And now he kind of looks like the bad guy in the Avengers movies. Really yeah, okay, look him up, you're right, Yeah, Okay, let's.

Go to Regina. Hi, Regina, Hi. Now, Bailey's gonna tell you a moderately funny joke. You got to give us your best laugh, and then we'll decide whether you win the contest or not. Okay, here we go, good luck.

Remember when I chopped down the Christmas tree and you asked if I was going to put it up myself, and I said, no, I'm going to put it up in the living room.

Okay, that's a good, very very good.

I like it.

Okay, yes, all right, Jen is up next, High Jen Jen j e n Jen.

Hi.

Okay, there you are, Hi, Jen.

Uh.

We're gonna give you a joke. You gotta laugh, and I try to win the tickets. Good luck, okay.

John Mama used to say marriage is like a tornado, starts off with a whole lot of banging and pounding and ends up with someone losing a house.

Okay, cute, it's cute. It was cute. Okay, good. Let's go to Bella, Hi, Bella, let's do this best laugh wins. Here we go, all right.

Remember Daddy's advice, if one door closes, another door opens, But other than that, it's a pretty good truck.

No, what the hell what the hell? What in the world? Okay, Bella, please hold don't go anywhere, because you could win it all with that laugh. Amber Hi, Amber, Hello, good morning Amber. You're happy today, aren't you? I am very happy. Let's bust out that best laugh to this joke.

Okay, I never understood while they're called chicken tenders, not until I let one caress my face.

What's funny is my sister Linda laughs like that? And now Alison, oh you're still going stomach. Okay, one more. Here we go, Sada, Hi, Sada, best laugh contest. Here we go, Sata.

Remember when we were kids building sand castles with Grandma until Grandpa told us to put her back in the urn.

Now you now the climax of everything all together at once when we do a little roll call. Here, Regina say present its present? Be yep say present, Bella, Ambera, Here we go, Bailey. One more time.

All right, I just passed a huge squirrel, which is odd because I don't remember eating one.

The most evil. I'm going, Bella. That's my everybody. You did great. Bye everybody but Bella, bye bye. Thanks for playing. Belly, You're still there and you're a winner. Congratulations. One more joke, Bailey, do what from the musical Shuck? This one from Shuck. They actually stole it from me.

How does the butcher introduce his wife meet Patty?

It's horrible. That is horrible. Favorite jo I love it, Hey Belly, good job, thanks for listening. Enjoy John Mulaney, I rang, thank you. She's embarrassed. He's like god, and I had just been called her number ten. There is so much good music out right now. It's like wow. I mean everything from a Hunter Tricks to that song to Taylor Swift. Music's a lot of good music out right now, and you'll hear it all here on the Twin Cities number one using station kd WB.

So much of Sober's music is amazing. But let's move on to something that's more important.

Okay.

I have a theory, and I think that the Internet and Facebook and people who are a little bit conspiracy theorists will back me up on this one.

I think that we are aliens. Now, let me explain we isn't humans?

Yes, because dinosaurs they exist on this earth. We have the bones, you know, go to the Smithsonian. We see that, right, we have that evidence. But what happened to the dinosaurs. We still don't know that answer. So in my opinion, I think that the human race crashed a ufo onto the Earth that caused the dinosaurs to become extinct, and that is where humans started. But we come from somewhere else. Now I do have reasons to back this up.

Wow, I can't wait to hear that she's got evidence to support her claims absolutely.

Ok, why do we get sunburned? Why will we be on a planet that allows us to get sunburned? Don't you feel like maybe we should be a little bit further away in the Solar System?

Maybe not, but well that's sorry there.

Number two, The expansion of the human brain and the development of language is so crazy that it just feels like there's like some kind of outside intervention that is accelerating human evolution. It's not just because we're smart. We're just becoming smarter as we scroll on Instagram. No, somebody is somehow controlling us because we are aliens from a different planet and there's someone controlling us on this earth.

Like an alien overlord. Exactly is it like a lord?

Or are we like video games and somebody's up there just like, Oh, I have the Jenny character.

Let me do this as this, I wouldn't say that necessarily. I just think that there's something that could could control our minds. And there's just people who put us on this earth because there's probably it was probably the planet that we're from. There were too many of us, so we've got to ship them at.

We're the leftovers, I think the soul.

Not necessarily we're the we're the trance of the leftovers.

I guess you could say, Okay.

Another one is just like the advanced technology versus our primitive of instincts. Humans create satellites, AI and nuclear power, but we still act on like fear and aggression and stuff like that. That contrasts the way that people think like we're technology advanced species with emotionally older software. Though sure like we are the software. Also, where did the pyramids come from?

I was just gonna say the pyramids. They still can't figure out how they built the pyramids, so that possibly the alien race that crashed into the earth, and we are the aliens helped the Egyptians build the pyramids and said you got to roll that over there and chip that block over there.

Well, no, it's not that they're helping the Egyptians. The people who crashed are the ones who built the pyramids. That we are the people such as Egyptians exactly.

And also just like we go through severe pain to have children other well, I should say women do.

Other animals do not? They just kind of pop them out, you know.

Well, I mean, can you really ask, like a giraffe, like did that hurt?

I think that we can just tell by how quickly it happens and how of a sudden they pop out and then the giraffe is up and walking again. True, you know, like that's not how we work as humans.

Here's on some more reasons. Please. Jenny thinks that we are and I've seen this on Instagram, but it's late.

We are.

We are the aliens on Earth crashed from another you know.

Yeah, so humans have deep existential awareness, like we know we'll die, and we also ask why we exist. So it's like a self reflection and it feels unique and alien like among like everything else on Earth. You think that the ant is walking around like I'm an ant and I live and I exist and maybe I'll die some day.

Probably not.

We know that, though. Why do we know that? Because we come from some alien race? Of a different planet that knows how life works.

Do you know what I mean? I get it? Maybe one or two more.

Many ancient cultures describe gods descending from the sky, So if you're looking into like a religion aspect of it, Yeah, there's that as well. And I might have one other one. Let me see what I haven't gotten to.

I think you smoke too many over the break.

We struggled to survive without technology, Like we weren't built to be on this Earth. We have created technology to be able to adapt better on Earth, you know what I mean?

Like right, Oh, I think we did fine for the first ten thousand years. Why did we create technology because we learned how to No, No, we're aliens.

Oh we're aliens, and we didn't find Earth to be up to our standards of what our previous home ground was.

Why did we take so long to invent like you know, like the wheel and the cup holder armrest?

I mean, so when they placed us on Earth, they wanted us to like learn on our own. They didn't want us to just like be a complete mock up of the other Earth or planet that we were living on. They had to learn on their own, sure, so they wanted us to evolve like you would normally evolve, you know, and they probably don't want us to think that we're not supposed to be on Earth.

They probably want us to stay here when they've told somebody, like you know, when they dropped us off, like hey, Troy and June, you know what you guys are aliens. You can go and spread the word or totally.

Did tell Troy and June, but they didn't know how to write back then. Yeah, because this was during the dinosaur era.

So you're telling me they could fly a spaceship light years from another planet, but they didn't know how to right back then. Well, Troy and June didn't know. Yes, it's okay.

People who like developed this whole thing. They were like, yeah, let's throw them over here. Yeah, it makes sense to me.

Like Superman came in a little ship and he was a baby exactly, so boom done.

We all came in a little ship. You're telling me, so we came here on a flying ship from light years away. Yeah, but they only invented the airplane one hundred and twenty years ago. Is that what you're trying to do?

Because they don't want us to return back to the other planet. Like I said, the other planet was overrun. They had to get rid of some people, and they're like, let's go to a different one that looks habitable.

And this one was. I just I think the sunburn is probably what sold it for. That's probably the most convincing one is like, why do we get sunburned?

I gave you like fifteen grades, probably the most one. Well, this is this is a ground I will stand on. I do think that we are aliens here on Earth ourselves. You might think you've seen an alien, but actually that's just someone you're.

Related to, because we are all aliens. We're all aliens in the great Unknown. And you don't believe that I saw a unicorn. That's what I know.

That's Dave. I have never said that to you believes you saw a unicorn. She just said. I'm like, she's humoring you. She supposed you will.

Believe that Bailey might have seen something that looks like a unicorn.

I believe that we were created by our creator, you know, as red as our bed in Genesis book one point one, Genesis one one. Did you know that baseball is mentioned in the Bible? Yeah, Genesis one one in the beginning. You're dumb in the in the Bible.

See it sounds more dumb now me or Dave your mom Indiana there she has nothing to do with it.

Text message at katibb one Jenny, this is the dumbest take I've ever heard. You need some church. I've been telling her that for years. You know, Little Jesus in you now burne if I walk into a church. Here's another one, very bizarre talk about aliens from Jenny on the show I've listened for over twenty five years, up as the most bizarre conversation. Yeah, Jenny is losing losing it.

Did it make you think a little bit though, because that's the only you think.

About Great Station. We are a science experiment. Jenny is spot on, That's what I'm saying. We are like I think that we have control over what we.

Do on our daily lives and stuff like that, but I think that there's somehow someone out there that's like, let's develop someone as smart as like the Elon Musks of the world who create all of this crazy stuff that most people can't, and then we keep developing from there. But we're believing that it's just us creating it.

Text message says we are a science experiment slash zoo and Jenny is spot on.

Yeah, the alien I mean it makes sense, especially considering hydroglyphs and ancient pyramids and caves show photos of spaceship, hydro glyphs, hieroglyphs, that's what it says, hydroglyphslyph hy water.

I mean, Dave, honestly, do you really think that just like any normal person could invent the flesh light, they couldn't.

We needed that came from a superior alien race. Yes, it's like you know what they need. They need the wheel, they need air conditioning, fire, and the flesh light. M hm okay, Jenny, I'm sold. Thank you.

That's what I was trying on you today says picorns are mentioned in the Bible, just.

Saying unicorns are mentioned in the Bible. That's what this text message says. They says, the Bible's mentioned there. Well, you know what does the Bible say? Seriously, Ezekiel in the Book of Ezekiel, he saw the wheel. Then they're like way up in the middle of the sky, there's a song we sing in vacation Bible school. Ezekiel saw a ufo and they can't describe, They can't explain what else they meant in the Book of Ezekiel except that

Is he Gil described a symbolic vision of God's majestic throne chariot?

That's the UFO He saw a ufore banch. Time to move on to something more meaningless. Yeah, and that is coming up in a second on KT. But I think it's the face off with with Bailey. We're gonna play little game called face Off. We're gonna be Bailey's gonna name a category. We're gonna race the name as many items in that category as we possibly can dumb conspiracy theories. Ready, go play a little game of face off. Kind of a little fun thing to play. You get to play

Your first category is rom coms, When Harry Met Sally, Sleepless in Seattle, That Hugh Grant movie.

The other Hugh Grant movie, I'm a Pretty Woman is Sleepless in Seattle, too, Harry Met Sally?

Two?

Wow, David, not my wheelhouse? All right movie, I guess though it's not wants either, I guess all right. Moving on to the next category. Apps on your phone.

Okay, Facebook, Texting, read it, Email, ask jeeves, angry birds, Hey, I love the Hey app, my favorite app. Okay, finally you should get how I threw asked Jeeves in there for a laugh. Yeah, that was funny. Shut up, shut up, try to get a laugh out of you, guys, turnip.

Your last category is illnesses, influenza, cancer, strep, throat, lymphoma, leukemia, my grains, chronic wasting disease, toxic shock, syndrome, cold, and myeloma.

All right, okay, chronic wasting disease might be your best answer you've ever don't know?

Yeah, chronic wasting disease. Wow. Okay, come on back ball, come on backt Hi Von Hilaire Hello, welcome Hiller. All right, are you ready?

Raise?

I'll ever be a name as many as you can in each of these categories. Your first category is rom coms.

Well, damn uh thirteen going on thirty. It ends with us A Star is Born? No pitch perfect, You're not the judge. The photograph.

I don't know. Br Star is Born made me laugh. It's a romance. It's a romance. I thought that, Yeah, looks pretty funny. And Bradley Cooper Diesler. Okay, I was gonna watch that tonight.

Damn.

All right.

Your next category is apps on your phone?

Uh, Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, TikTok uh, the Panera bread app, the Pizza hood app, the I Hot I Hop app, the uh i Heeart radio app, love that app, they pay Me, the notes app.

All Right, you're killing it, by the way, You're doing great. Finally that sounded sarcastic?

Is it?

Finally? Your last category is illnesses?

Cancer?

Uh, type two diabetes, herpes, the committee gonnerye Uh, tuberculosis, COVID, liver diseaseise.

Hold on, are we giving him the STDs? I mean you get ill? Is that what you would define it? Al though I'm giving it to him. Whatever, this was a rough round, rough round, all right.

I don't know why you think Dave or I would have ever got rom comms. I'm sure he did just as poorly as I. Listen, let me live. Okay, this is my game here, I'm the judge, all right. In illnesses, Vant you got seven, Dave, you got ten.

I did look up chronic.

Wasting disease and it mostly affects deer, moose and elk.

No kidding, Well you did not say human illness. I didn't, but I love that's so funny. Okay.

In the category of apps on your phone, Dave you got six, VANT you got nine. And then in rom comms, VANT you got four, Dave you got three.

Can I just go on a little tangent here? Okay, give me a fifteen second timer again. Here we go, fifteen second timer and rom comes. Jenny go oh oh, no.

Oh no.

All I can think of is the notebook, which is just rob. You're doing great, sweeties. I wasn't prepared for this. I'm going stop it. Okay, what was there? What did you say? The holiday? Yeah, that's all wrong. Christmas, Jenny, there it is, Jenny, Give me phone apps again, I'm ready. No, no, because you got your phone in your hand, You're not gonna do that. Thank you, Bailey. That was fine, all right? Well how did you do? Which category did you did?

I feel like you could, you know, save half of it and then spend, oh maybe not half, but like take one hundred dollars out of it and go to Beatubs.

Get Craig Cray, take us to Benny Hannah. Take us to Benny Hannah.

So anyway, we also had some silver sir Sebachi Ooh, I wanna take you to Vannie Hanna.

Oh, Mama, come on, pretty mama. I'd have to have the words in front of me. Work on that. And then we had her mom or her grandma's silver tea service. And this is definitely an older generation thing that you know, people that love china, they love silver silverware, and they love silver tea sets. They used to have these. Maybe your mom or your grandma has one. And if you have one, it's probably not worth anything because we said, well, how much for the silver tea service and they said, well,

The story is if you have seen the Housemaid, you'll be really excited because they have said that there will be a sequel, but actually The Housemaid is a book originally, and it is a trilogy, so we've got the second one, calling in The Housemaid's Secret. The movie itself had one hundred and thirty million dollars since the release before Christmas. I've seen it, Dave has seen it. We both think

Yes, I am excited.

Hopefully I'll see it soon because people keep asking me like, hey, what did you think of the movie, to see what the comparisons are.

I'll go eventually.

It's only a matter of time for Timothy shallow May proposes to Kylie Jenner, so everyone close to them says that it's happening very soon, that they're serious and it's only a matter of timing.

But they have yet to resolve where to settle down.

So Kylie's obviously in California near Los Angeles with all of her sisters, and Timothy Shallamey is from New York City or lives in New York City, so he wants to be there, and being bi coastal when you're that far apart is going to be difficult for them.

So who knows where they're going to end up? And if they end up, who.

Do you think's gonna get engaged first? Timothy Shalla, may Me Vante or you Bailey? You probably what I put money on. Timothy Schalamy.

Really I'm money. I'm yeah. We don't even know his name yet, but I think I really know. I really have no clue what his name is. Uh sorry, I wasn't prepared.

Emma Stone will not play Miss Piggy in the new movie she's producing because Miss Piggy's gonna play Miss Piggy.

Miss Piggy is one.

Of those characters. She's like a Betty Boob. I feel like, just iconic in every sense of the word. You know, Gonzo, Kermit, the Frog, they're cool, but Miss Piggy's the Muppet.

That's a really good question. We're gonna do a bracket of your favorite muppets, but then again, it would probably only come down. There's Burton Ernie, There's Cookie Monster, Snufflepus, Oscar the Grouch, Elmo, You're right, Miss Piggy, Kermit, there's Fozzy Bear.

Pazzi, and then there's like Sam Sam Eagle is great Rizzle, the rat, Pevy.

The prawn. What are the guys that sit up in the theater, oh, Statler, is that their names? Yeah? I thought they were just the theatergoers. Stler didn't know they had names. Yeah, Frog, you need to get a real job. That's funny. Oh so good. Oh, speaking of bracket, can we do the souper bracket real quick? Please? Sorry?

We're doing best soups on our Instagram stories that Dave Ryan show. You can go vote right now. We're down to the final four. We have chicken wild rice versus chicken noodle, and chicken wild rice paving the way at seventy five percent of the vote. Wow, tomato soup versus French onion soup. Fifty six percent of the vote goes to a tomato baby.

I think it's so. I was gonna say, I feel like I know where this is going.

Yeah, tomato, but chicken wild rice beating chicken noodle. I was a little surprised by that. I didn't know how diehard Minnesota's were for dricks like more. I don't know, it's more complex than chicken noodle. It is chicken wild rice so much more flavor, so good. I had chicken wild rice soup yesterday.

David. That's a great story, Babe. Put that on the highlight reel. I have a question because what was it you You hadn't tried grilled cheese.

Right, Yeah, I've never I've never had a grilled cheese and shout out to.

Camps.

No.

No, they make cheese a bunch of dairy Star Crystal Farms Bayley for the wind.

Shout out to Crystal Farms.

They sent me an entire package of it was like butter and cheese and like a little spreading thing to put on the bread bro It was so good.

They mail me some sour dough. Was delicious. Did you try it with tomato soup?

No?

Because I'm not a big tomato person.

I'm not really well i am, But tomato soup and grilled cheese top tier like combination of.

Oh yeah, like a chilly cold day, especially if.

It's like throwing some basil into that tomato soup, so it's like a tomato basil soup and then you dip the.

You're welcome. Mickey Rourke was the actor that we've been talking about kind of all this week where he was he put together a gofund me because he was losing his house. And then it turns out, no, he did not put that together, as somebody else put it together for him and he didn't like it. I would never ask strangers or fans or anybody for a nickel. I mean,

I feel like Nicki Glazer would not have anyone off limits when it comes to her roasting people at the Golden Globes. But she said that there is one actress she'll never roast, and she declared that to be Julia Roberts because she is America's sweetheart. So I thought that that was nice that one person is safe from Nicki Glazer's filthy, filthy, filthy.

It's yeah, you want to watch somebody squirm watch the Tom Brady roast. Oh, she was the highlight that kind of put her name on the like the broad map, like you know, like not broad, but you know what.

I mean, Yeah, liked, Yeah, I got a broad on one shoulder.

I got a broad on the other shoulder. Red head and a brunette.

Speaking of brunettes, Jennifer Anderson at the end of the show, Guy Jennifer Aniston has declared that her iconic hair is fake. In fact, she says, I am a brunette. I am not a blonde and I would never go brunette, but my hair is fake. Never thought that she was a blonde period. I don't think either light brown hair her whole life. I feel like, yeah, well, she said, apparently she was in when she was in Horrible Bosses, she wore like a brunette wig and she was like, yeah, that's pretty close to.

She was so good in Horrible Bosses. When she's the dentist. Isn't she a dentist or a doctor? She is just the most It is so vulgar and just to see, like, you know what we thought of as Rachel from Friends being so vulgar as a dentist who is absolutely sexually harassing her employees, and the Guy's like, no, I don't know, stop it. It is so funny. All right, that is the dirt. Thank you for listening. It is hump Day.

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