#41: X-Cross

Hey there, everyone. Welcome to a new episode of The Dark Parade, the 41st episode of The Dark Parade, the main episode. I'll have plenty of other bonus stuff around, but as far as main... like honest to goodness. Let's sit down and talk about a movie episodes go. Uh, this is number 41 and, uh, Oh boy. Uh, are you in for a treat? Uh, this here is, uh, me and my, my good pal. Richard Glenn Schmidt talking about the movie X-Cross.

So we get a little bit of Asian horror in here, which we all love. We get some RGS, which we also all love. Look, it's a crowd pleaser. No getting around it. So there's that to look forward to. I think you're really, really going to enjoy it. And, of course, summer has come to the Dark Parade, which means I've got a little more time on my hands and trying to make the most of it.

having regular show drops on the Fridays. Uh, I got a couple of things lined up still, um, you know, bonus stuff. We got a heart of horror coming up, uh, next week, uh, week after that. will either be a Whatcha Watchin'? uh, with Jamie or it'll be a ranking of horrors episode. Uh, most likely a ranking of horrors. And then, uh, what you're watching after that at any rate, uh, still scheduling all that stuff out, but, um, you know, more stuff.

More horror stuff coming to your ear holes. Speaking of ranking of horrors, keep an eye out on Facebook and Discord. uh, for Legion podcasts, as well as the dark parade. Um, so that you get, uh, your notifications. And, uh, when we go live, With the ranking of horrors, you can jump in and join in the science. Contribute as science happens before your very eyes.

So there's all that stuff. And as well as some other stuff, like if you're following the Discord, I'm watching some movies online and doing some other stuff. I'm thinking about even streaming some gaming. Because I've fallen into Starfield, I think that is my summer RPG. which is imperfect, but interesting. And anyway, lots of other stuff. But we'll get into that on a later occasion.

Right now, let's refocus and talk about X-Cross with Richard Glenn Schmidt. Here is the interview. I think you're going to enjoy it. And I'll be back on the back end to send us all off and bid adieu. All right, here it is. Me and Richard Glenn Schmidt and X-Cross. All right, folks. You dark paraders, dark.

Parade viewers, parade hosts, MCs of parades that are dark. Look, every once in a while you're given a gift. And you're welcome. Because with us today... the inimitable RGS, Richard Glenn Schmidt coming to us with the fastballs, uh, with X-Cross, um, which was your idea. Yeah, I take credit for that. Yeah. The thing was, we were discussing, like, hey, we need to record together.

uh soon and we ought to do something that's a little a little bizarre a little gonzo and you said what about x cross which is a movie that has been on my radar forever i've just never watched it

And I need to make a bit of a confession first, Richard. I have never seen Battle Royale, too. like oh well i'd always heard and the reason i have is because everyone said it's just not that good and so i was like okay i'll take your word for it battle royale is amazing i don't need to see the lesser version of it and so i never did And that is relevant because the director of this film, Kenta Fukasaku, is the guy what directed...

Battle Royale 2, wrote Battle Royale to his credit, and then directed Battle Royale 2, which I have not seen. But... Based on X-Cross, I'm kind of curious. I'm kind of thinking about going back to it. Yeah. Recently, somebody did a post, a Twitter thread of what movies have the most unnecessary sequels. And the first... choice that somebody had was battle royale 2 which if it was lean and mean i think it'd be fine um that's one thing about the another movie that didn't need a sequel heroic trio

the heroic trio as a sequel completely unnecessary and it is also epic like it's just huge giant scope of a film yeah and but it's like you know a hundred minutes 105 maybe. I think Battle Royale 2 is a solid two hours plus. Oof. And it's a lot. I don't think it's terrible, but walk, don't run. Well, so OG Battle Royale, what was the run time on that guy? I mean, it had to have been over two hours. Was it?

I just feel like that movie flies by, and maybe that's just because. Yeah. Yeah, it's not even two hours. It's 154. Yeah, right, right.

So, yeah, I mean, that's fairly lean in me. As somebody who's been watching a lot of De Palma movies recently and fighting, literally battling my way. through the black dahlia which i've always liked i i know i understand it's not good but i've always really liked it like all right about it so here's my problem with it you know for a movie called the black dahlia not enough black dahlia um is one problem also at a certain point there's that whole diversion with josh hartnett and hillary swank

and there is like negative chemistry between them it is oh yeah it is one of the most like off-putting tangents i've seen in a movie in some time The only interesting thing about any of that stuff is when he goes to dinner.

at her place which is a pretty good scene and her like kid sister just sketches a picture of like her mom and dad fucking enhance it to him and it was like okay well now we're having some fun now it feels like an old school De Palma movie we're just weird shit is popping off but uh yeah yeah the the the heart net swank uh it's like kind of like bumping two mannequins together like

Oh, the chemistry. Yeah, and I think Josh Hartnett is actually pretty good in it. Yeah, yeah. And I think Scarlett Johansson, on the other hand, who's a great actor, but I think she's kind of wrong for it. Yeah, girl of the moment. Maybe not the girl for that movie, right? Right. I mean, it's her delivery of that kind of 40s snappy dialogue. It's like, you're just not made for this. She was better at it in like fricking, uh, age of Ultron, you know? Yeah. At the bar scene where she's. Yeah.

oh i don't know i don't know if i don't want to get off topic too much but i don't know if you heard my sharp intake of breath earlier it's because i looked up how long battle royale 2 is and it's two hours and 35 what the fuck Just stop it. Just stop it. It starts with apes throwing a bone into the air. Aeons ago. We have been plagued by violence. Yeah, yeah. Anyways, but... So, just to get the bona fides of this movie out of the way. Written by Kento Fukasaku.

Written by Nobuyuki Joku. Very difficult name for me to pronounce. Who also, not worth it. Not really a writer of note. Wrote this in a TV series. A novel based on a TV series called Granona. So, you know, thanks for nothing. And then... Sorry. I'm sure he was a nice man. And then you've got Tetsuya Oishi, who is the other writer on this. But he was, like, for real. Wow. Right. Like, a great list of credits. Death Note.

The last name sequel. Wrote both of those. Wrote, in particular, a movie I've got a lot of time for. Higan Jima Escape from Vampire Island. What? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, he's escaping from Vampire Island. All right. I need to see this. I'll tell you what, I can get you a copy of that. Please and thank you. Yeah, I have to double check, but I think I've got the DVD still on the shelf for that one.

Um, but yeah, yeah, yeah. So like, and has written a million things like he, uh, his last credit was in 22. Um, and like his first goes back to. 95 so like 30 years in the biz wow yeah like wrote all kinds of tv and movies and all you know dog x police the canine force that that banger from 2011 uh never heard of that i haven't either but i mean how do you i mean it's dogs and police how do you not like that and then there's uh

uh let's see what is this called stolen identity from 2018 looks okay anyway yeah uh banger of a rider good job he uh wrote the screenplay for uh for beck's uh auto, excuse me, biopic. Also, Blade of the Immortal, the Miki film. He wrote that. Dude. That's no slouch in there. That's a freaking... yeah that's a great monster piece i love it yeah so yeah yeah so you know guy knows what he's doing uh and maybe that's more what's going on here than

Fukusaku, although this feels like a heavily directed movie. Yeah, it would need to be. Alright, but... So, obviously, we're going to spoil the shit out of this. But I will say up front, if you haven't seen X-Cross, I would recommend it. It's available on Tubi of all places. Yeah. Because everything is. And it's still in print. The DVD and the Blu-ray is still out there. Yeah.

leaning towards that instead of watching it with the 2B interruptions, you know. Oh, for sure, for sure. But if you're just, you know, X-cross curious and don't want to commit to a full Blu-ray, although you should, it's worth it. then yeah, it's available to you. And you should go watch it if you don't want anything spoiled. And there are things to spoil in this. There is an element of sort of paranoid thriller in this movie.

You know, I hesitate to invoke movies like Three Days of the Condor and The Parallax View, but it does have that kind of, like, who can you trust? Yeah. Kind of vibe to it. And finding out who you can trust, obviously, is some of that spoiler stuff. But at any rate. So the...

The movie itself is just about two friends, Shiori and Aiko, who head to this village out in the middle of nowhere in Japan because they've got really nice hot springs, and Shiori just broke up with... a boyfriend and is fucking emo about it like like emo to the point of uh just throwing money away when she throws her cell phone Oh, yeah. Well, one of the first things, like, when you first meet her, one of the first things that you see is the two of them actually in the hot springs. And...

Aiko is sort of the more freewheeling, fun-loving friend where Shiori is very serious and very emotional. is giving this whole monologue about like how she was loved she loved so deeply and it's broken her and she can't get over it and she can't just treat men the way that Aiko does

You know, like she's, you know, love him and leave him Aiko. And she's like, you just wouldn't get it. You know, everybody is sort of to you. No, you're not really close to anybody. And Aiko's like, well, that's a fucked up thing to say to somebody.

Based on the look on her face. And then, like, Shiori ends up storming off in this scene. But it just goes to show, like, she's here to heal and go through this journey. And I would argue Shiori... one of the least interesting things about this movie. Yeah, yeah, she's a bit of a plain Jane. You know, I mean, she's a survivor, and she's not... She's not an unlikable character, but the rest of the movie is just so much more interesting.

um like in another movie she's fine but in and i guess you kind of need the straight man of this film and that's sort of what she is yeah because because aiko once she gets going she's like she's like superhuman at some point The turn of that character is so good. All right. So the thing that's like in the upfront, the thing you learn immediately about this village.

is that the weirdo villagers in this town, who are all just dressed like the fucking hoarders from Labyrinth, with just layers of cloth over them. Everybody's got a limp because their left leg is fucked up by choice, we learn. But the whole gig is that they lure people to this village, young women to this village. Because they're this crazy Wicker Man cult in the middle of Japan. And they whack off the... They whack off the leg of the young woman. And as like...

this right of worship to this God, you know, a living God is, is how they refer to these women. And then they just tie him to these like crucifixion poles and just leave them hanging out in the village. Yeah, and they always select one woman to be their woman that they keep in a cage, presumably to impregnate and thus create more generations of these.

terrible guys but at the same time i'm like are they also kidnapping the men that come to their thing too and then like indoctrinating them into their cults I don't know if you'd think that there'd be a lot less of them if they were so insular. And only the one guy who's pretending to be an old woman. Right. And that is the dude from Kill Bill. What is his name? Yoshiyuki Morishita. Yeah, he's in this. And one of the most...

iconic faces of Japanese cinema. Iconic teeth. Yes, absolutely. God bless him. Yeah, he's got a real busted grill. He's playing an old woman and he's just... too bizarre to function like dude it like his the whole village like everybody in the village every performance

from all of the villagers, is at about a 14. You know, I mean, especially when there's a moment where Shiori is, like, finds a cell phone. We see a young girl that gets... uh, you know, D leg early on in the movie and realize like, that's, the opening scene where we realize like, Oh, there's this fucked up thing that happens in this village. And now this character Shiori is there and finds a phone and worth, I guess, mentioning now there's a lot of, um, like,

We're going to rewind the movie and then see it from another character's POV. Yeah. Which is really cool. It's this kind of Roshamon... sort of vibe to the movie that's really interesting and one of the things that makes x-cross really fun and unique is how they play i mean it's very tarantino-esque but it works yeah um but yeah so shiori has found this

white cell phone that belongs to the girl who got snatched earlier in the movie and and de-legged and is now this scarecrow mummified you know god creature uh hanging out on this poll and gets a phone call from Mononobe, Professor Mononobe, who's like, hey, you got to get the fuck out of there because they're going to cut your leg off. And anyway, but yeah, so the villagers have surrounded this house while this phone call is going on. And to the point about the performances.

They're banging on the doors, cackling like, hey, we're here to help. Just let us in. And, you know, like, oh, wait, I've got a key. Here we come. Yeah, when the lights go out. they intentionally shut the lights out and then they come to under the guise of protecting this girl from the darkness

They all come with flashlights and torches and, oh, we're here, we're here, don't be scared, we're here, we've got very nice flashlights. Right, I mean, it's just somebody waving an axe at you, telling you not to be scared. You know, it's... There's no way not to panic in this scenario. And there's also this guy that's like, hey, by the way, if they catch you, off goes the leg. Yep. So, anyway.

She ends up escaping all of that, and that's kind of where the movie splits. But one of the things going on is there's also this kind of, you know, buddy in a chair. friend of theirs that is, you know, like a mutual friend who is kind of checking up on everything and sort of giving us some exposition dumps here and there. And one of the things that's brought up is like, oh, we don't really know Aiko. And in fact, maybe she's not all that trustworthy. And...

So to that end, Shiori has a phone call where she's like, hey, can I trust you? Which is a weird thing to ask. But she's like, hey, I've been betrayed and I need to know if I can trust you. And Aiko is real wishy-washy about it. Because some shit has gone down that is... tangentially related to what's happening right now. Well, yes, but that movie comes crashing into this one in a minute in the best possible way. But yeah, so Aiko doesn't really answer the question and then screams and hangs up.

And, you know, Shiori is like, well, what is all this now? And now I really have questions about whether or not I can trust Aiko. But then we find out what's really going on with Aiko.

which is kind of long story short, she engineered the breakup of Shiori and her boyfriend. That's kind of what she's hiding. you know she's not part of this village but that's what Shiori thinks but meanwhile Aiko is dealing with her own shit because there is a young woman named Reika who has decided to pick this time and place, unrelated to any of the cult stuff, has decided to pick this time and place to get her revenge for Aiko breaking up her relationship.

And she shows up in full-on gothic Lolita attire. Yes. With fucking scissors. Long scissors. And it turns into this whole action scene in a bathroom. Maybe the best scene of the movie, quite frankly. I can't argue with you there. So, this kind of scene, this action sequence in the bathroom with the over-the-top... manga-inspired action and sparks flying and everything's just crazy. Like, was this influential on a bunch of other movies?

Or just right around the same time, because like the following year was Machine Girl, which started that whole trend of the splatter stuff with characters just like Reiko in them. And I'm like... Was there something in the water at the time where, you know, the Sadako style ghosts were falling out of favor and getting cornier. And all of a sudden you had these like.

monstrous uh caricatures of uh like gothic lolita superhero like because you know later she's gonna bring it she's gonna bring the giant scissors which look too heavy for a grown man to carry much less a diminutive you know dude the fact that every time Rika shows up in this movie she is more outrageous

And more amazing. It escalates. But in a way that is nonsense. You know? Like, because she goes through costume changes. You know? Like... it starts off she's like all in white and she's got smaller scissors like they're still big but it's not outlandish and god i love this so much um it and then like after uh aiko gets away from her initially and we might as well just go through like all the aiko reika stuff because it's fucking the best yeah yeah

But she gets away from her originally by squirting some chemicals on her that she looks at them and they're like, oh, do not mix. Which begs the question, are these produced by the same company? And they're like, hey, if you're in a store and you buy this thing and this thing, don't mix them together. Right. I wish I could read Japanese to see what else the bottle said. Right. But that is already kind of silly.

and uh reika is like ah you know like it burns it burns and then is freaking out and then aiko gets away um but reika chases after her only now she is

in black, suddenly in black for no clear reason. And chases her to a construction site of sorts where Aiko hides inside a porta potty. And this is where we see that she has the phone call with Shiori, where she's like, hey, look, I'm not in the bathroom near... the hot springs i'm in another bathroom and what right and i yeah she worries like what are you talking about and i was like look i'm i need help

And Shiori is like, well, can I trust you? And Aiko is like, look, I don't have time for this shit. I'm not directly answering your question because I do have... something that i'm hiding but also i just i can't think about that right now because i am also being stalked by this gothic lolita who by the way has shown up at the construction site and is starting to sniff around I felt very akin to Shiori in this because I've had that drunken phone call to my best friend at the wee hours.

do you like me? Am I a good friend to you? And they're like, not right now. You're fucking calling me at two in the morning, asshole. I thought someone died. Right. Yeah. The only person that needs to call me at 2am is, you know, are my parents or the police. Or the police on behalf of your parents. Right. But then Rekha... You know, the phone called disconnects because Rekha is now just banging on the porta potty and terrorizing Aiko once more and finally turns it over.

Oh no. Which is... Slosh, slosh, slosh. Yeah, it's obviously disgusting. But, the result of this... It's not that Aiko is disgusted. I mean, she is. But she is channeling that disgust into, I'm gonna fuck this bitch up. Superhuman strength. I love it. Dude, she kicks the door of the porta potty open and it goes flying. I mean, it's like air cannons have shot it into the air and I'm not sure we ever see it come down.

As far as we know, it could be hurtling towards Jupiter as we speak. Hook down a satellite. Right, right. That's what happened to SpaceX. Just hit by the port-a-potty from X-Cross.

but out comes aiko like covered in shit and piss but furious and is like i'm about to ruin you And what ensues is a fight with Aika with a chainsaw and Reika with somehow larger scissors than she started with. yeah these scissors are as long as my torso like yes and not as big as they get but right oh my god like this is the median reika where she is All in black now. Face kind of screwed up. Big scissors. One eye is completely bloodshot red. Yes. A real mess. A hot mess. Fabulous.

Yeah, right. Yet somehow she makes it work. And yeah, so there's this big battle, which results in Aiko being sort of on her heels and squirting. um, Reika yet again with some stuff from a bottle and Reika is like, ha ha, that won't work a second time. And then I go, looks at the bottle and instead of do not mix. this time. It just says, we'll set crazy bitches on fire.

She lights her up. And she kicks over a barrel of the stuff. There was a bottle of it. There was like a hand-sized bottle, but also barrels. Which, I mean, good God, this movie. And so, yeah, she kicks over a barrel and then lights it on fire because she, like, throws a Zippo in slow motion, of course. And the explosion, Richard. Massive. It might as well have been a mushroom cloud. Like, it is the most ridiculous... It is like a Michael Bay explosion. Yes!

It's so over the top. It's ridiculous. You know, it's like the gag where in like cheap B movies, like somebody hits the bumper of a car and it just goes up. It's like if Rekha were a dodge dart. And the gas tank just blows. It's so fucking crazy. Yeah, this is like, that's like pure comedy manga. kind of like it'd be like a gag it'd be totally it is not meant to be taken seriously but it's also totally awesome yes at the same time it's it's incredible

And so we'll get back to them in a second because we should catch up with Shiori, which I will also say the stuff where she's kind of navigating... you know her ex-boyfriend is calling and wanting to talk to her and she's hanging up on that and she doesn't trust Aiko and there's this Mononobi dude and She's not really sure about him because her buddy in the chair is like, hey, I looked and there's no student who goes to the university by that name. Right.

But I think all that stuff works. I think the Shiori, who do I trust stuff, actually is pretty effective. Yeah, I do like the twists and turns, especially the... the last gag with uh mononobe is very good yes well right because eventually skip to that yeah yeah yeah well because her boyfriend shows up like she's being chased by the villagers she gets away her boyfriend shows up in a porsche which is

beautiful like i'm not even a car guy and i was impressed with it yeah it's a sweet ride and of course she gets in and aiko by the way calls her and is like you are not gonna believe what's been happening to me But, you know, where are you? We've got to get out of here. And by this point, we've discovered, you know, Aiko's betrayal. And Shiori, who also thinks that Aiko is part of this cult business, is like, hey, I'm out of here. You know, best of luck. Hasta lasagna. Don't get any on ya.

I've never heard that one before. That's from Mission Impossible. I love it. Yeah, that's the Emilio Estevez when he's showing them how to use the explosive gum. Hey, if you put these things together, I still is on you. Don't get any on you. Uh, it's pretty good anyway. So they take off and this is the point where, uh,

Shiori learns that, oh, Mononobe is not a student there. He's a professor. And by the way, more information comes that it's not really Aiko that... convinced Shiori to go to this place it's the boyfriend who kind of strong-armed Aiko into taking her there and so uh-oh the boyfriend is really the villain Which brings us to the point in the movie where Shiori is captured by the cult.

And Aiko is still being chased by Reiko. Or does she know she's being chased? No, no, no. Because that's a surprise. Yeah, she thinks that she's dead. So she's going to... going back to help right and and this is the whole deal you know one of the themes of the movie is about kind of female friendship and maybe we'll talk about in a minute but like this movie feels like it is super lesbian coded

Yeah, out of nowhere. Right. But also, they seem cool with it. Anyway, we'll get to that in a minute. But yeah, so... Aiko is like, oh, I've been this horrible friend to Shiori because of all the shit I did. I could leave, but I'm going to go back and save my friend. And she shows up to save Shiori. But it looks like they're both going to be caught by the cult. Even though they're kind of kicking ass for a little bit, it's pretty good. But then, Rekha shows up.

This fucking Tasmanian devil force of chaos that careened into this cult movie does not have anything to do with any of this cult business. Her movie slammed into this one. And she's like, who are you people? Right. Why are you standing between me and the person I want to kill? Oh, man. Also, her outfit. Way more outrageous. Yep. The scissors, way bigger. She looks like barbecue now. She does. The scissors are the size of, like, Final Fantasy swords. Yes.

Yes. And then just mayhem ensues. It is Shiori and Aiko fighting for their lives while Reika is murdering all of these cultists who have now turned on her because, you know, she... bombed in on their party, and it's just a free-for-all for several minutes, and it's fantastic. Can I give you my secret theory about Reiko? Please. Her scissors are custom made for her. I mean, how could they not be? That's all I got. I was hoping it would be more like, well, her scissors are actually...

a manifestation of her rage. That's the other thing I was going to say. Thanks, Bo. Well, sorry. Sometimes I get ahead of you. Is she even there? Is any of this really happening? There were multiple times in this movie where I thought, is this a dream sequence? And it wasn't, ever. It was just stuff that was happening in the movie.

I have a friend who hates that so much he would probably storm out of my house. I want to pretend that this is a dream movie and then happily reward him with it not being a dream. Oh my god, it's so good. And so while Reiko is carving up cult ass in this sequence, Into the Movie drives Mononobe.

Who has like, you know, a truck and comes in, hits Reiko and she goes flying. And I mean, like they get in, uh, uh, the truck. They're taking off. The cultists have somehow managed to corral Reiko. and what was her end i'm trying i'm struggling to remember now like what how does she end this movie like the nuclear explosion in the construction place is so vivid i forget

I mean, did the cultists just swarm her and that's it? Yeah, I think that's it. Maybe they were hoping for, you know, like a sequel. I'm still hoping for it. I've written several letters already. Her left leg is wooden, you know? Yeah. I mean, that's the end of this, is that she comes back with a fake leg. That is also scissors.

that'd be dope as hell oh my god we've already oh we've got x x cross um we gotta get uh we gotta get uh tetsuya oishi on the phone here how to set up a meeting right get him back in the game You took two years off, man. Pardon me. Anyway. Um, so yeah, they take off and there's kind of a gag here. That's kind of a, it's weird. It's a weird joke.

Because I almost don't understand it. Maybe that's why I'm calling it weird. You fear what you don't understand, Richard. Exactly. And I don't understand this. But they get away from the cultists. There's kind of a final scare with the boyfriend hanging on to the...

the uh the the back of the truck and then they lose him and that trips all the other cultists and away they go and there's a moment where it seems like Aiko is sort of arranging a match between Shiori and Mononobe, but you don't see him. No, they keep hiding him. Right. And I was like, oh, is he going to... He's going to turn around and he's going to be one of the villagers or something like that. And the reveal is he turns around and he's just like a big goofball. Yes. And...

He's an uggo. Yeah, he's just kind of a goofy looking dude. And that was the point where I was like, so is the joke... that oh we would match up because he did this heroic thing and has been trying to help her all along but there's no way she's ever going to be with him because he's a goofball i guess i also got the vibe we were supposed to know who he was but Yeah, or something. I mean, it was a little head-scratching. But yeah, let's go with the he's not hot enough for them. But then...

Then the movie kind of ends in a place where Aiko has kind of confessed that she has this, like, that Shiori is not sort of to her, that she really loves her. the translation may just be like this is this friendly sisterly affection but the movie ends with the two of them like holding hands and kind of staring moony-eyed at each other in the back of this truck

Yeah, there was talk like at the beginning where like maybe, you know, our friendship wasn't real. Maybe there, you know, didn't mean anything to you and the way that. aiko like kind of confesses that their friendship means more than shiori could imagine yeah that to me i'm like hmm let's get back to the hot springs ladies right but like yeah it's it's just heavy-handed enough to make you go okay but also vague enough to be like what

Yeah, it doesn't go far enough, I think, to say something specific about it. It's just like, maybe. But it's a weird inclusion. Like, if it was going to be a thing, make it a thing. Right. And maybe it's, by Japanese standards, maybe it is more explicit than we're giving it credit for.

you know, from a Western point of view, because there is such a conservative kind of culture in... japan especially regarding women and especially regarding lesbians so maybe maybe it's bolder than i'm giving it credit for um but it doesn't feel that way um at any rate

That being said, Richard, this movie kicks ass. This is joyously wild and just so much fun. It would be... ruined by a longer running time this is like 90 minutes if they wanted to really stretch it out pad it out to what i call just japanese horror movie length which is like It's the least surprising thing in the world to hear about a Japanese film by its plot description and then scroll to its running time and it's two hours. It's always two hours. So this is great.

The atmosphere that they set up the entire time at this hot springs is awesome. And during the day, it's super foggy and mysterious. And it looks cold, you know. And then by the nighttime, all the lights are so freaking beautiful. i think there's a big of course digital red moon up in the sky so it's nice and spooky and it's just like ah man i it's a perfect setting for this

It's the perfect setting for this craziness to take place. And then the cast is game, and the direction is spot on. Like you said at the beginning, this is directed within an inch of its life. because of the structure that it has to be. Yeah. Yes, and it doesn't feel like the, you know, rewind and let's get another... perspective on the events of this movie, it feels critical to the film.

right and and the theme of friendship and so forth i think really really works like the you know we didn't talk about it but there some of the chapters because the film is broken up into chapters and they they end with this, like, winking light that you see in the early opening credits, and you realize, like, oh, they are the lights of each other's cell phone when they're talking to each other. And so it symbolizes their...

their relationship and, and, um, that kind of stuff really works, you know, and it, and that's good direction. It's somebody, uh, you know, wanting to tie their film together in a visual way, and it's really well done. The production design, like you were saying, the village, it looks great. Everything in this movie looks great. So, yeah, it's so fucking good.

It's, you know, it's not without its flaws. And also, you know, when I was talking about this on Ranking of Horrors, like some Japanese horror is very niche and very, and when it, like Sweet Home.

is kind of a like that's a great movie but it's also a little more specific in the way that the performances and the gags and like that that's not something i would recommend full-throatedly to anybody um in the way that an x-cross i'm like oh i don't care if you like japanese horror movies or not you just you should watch x-cross because it's fucking bananas in the best possible way it's just a fun movie

It might be a fun pairing. Have you seen 2LDK? No. So, do you know what that one is? No, I do not. 2LDK, that spells out like... two-bedroom apartment, one bath or something like that. It's like the code for that in Japanese real estate. And it's about two actresses who are in a movie together who do not like each other.

And it's like the worst odd couple scenario. Like this movie, you've got the neat one and then the slob, the I'm working on my career versus the... i know what men want so i'm going to get the job because i'm going to be coy and flirt with them you know it's like two sides of this this coin and then they decide the foolishly the director leaves the message saying hey

um i'm not sure which one of you is right for the lead but i'm kind of considering you both and it just degenerates from there into a battle for lack of a better term a battle royale between these two girls it all takes place in this apartment of them trying to kill each other it sounds great and it's like 70 minutes and you're in you're out you're done it's fun yeah that sounds fantastic yeah yeah i'll get i'll i'll give that a spin that sounds great

Um, and I, yes, and would be a nice pairing based on the sound of that. Uh, yeah, man. Uh, thanks so much for, for bringing this movie. This is, oh man, like this has become. a real favorite of mine in one viewing where I'm like, man, if you haven't seen X cross, you need to see X cross. It's, it's, it's so fun. It's such a good time. That's what I like most about it. It's just a good time.

Well, what's crazy is like with, you know, pre pre downloading movies on the internet age, you know, I was very slow to get into that kind of stuff. So it was like, I was still dependent on research. and pouring over reviews and stuff of every single movie that labels like Media Blasters were putting out. And I'm still surprised.

by the sheer amount of movies that... What was that label that put out a bunch of the Korean ones? You're not talking... Tartan? Yeah, yeah. So if you took Tartan... their their catalog and their asian stuff they put out and then you take something like media blasters and you look at all the asian stuff that they put out not only they put out like winners like this they put out some frankly

terrible shit uh but then also they put out just bizarre movies that they just came as a i'm guessing a deal when they when they made a deal to get this one movie they also got this other movie so there was like this almost never-ending stream of cool shit if and and now that no one gives a crap about dvd anymore with few exceptions you can you can get stuff like this like six bucks seven bucks and just like just

take a chance on something weird and um the dvds they're not a complete nightmare all the time like quality wise yeah i i'm trying to think i i don't know what the label is on my dvd copy of this but i've got a dvd copy of it like this was a movie that i had on the shelf and i just haven't watched it yet probably media blasters yeah they've even reissued it on

blu-ray which a lot of their titles are now they just did a different i don't know how i don't know how the qualities in the blu-rays but the dvds were fine i'm probably gonna have to to double dip on this one and get the blu-ray because i just i like the look of it so much and the colors are really vivid and pop when they're and and use sparingly like uh that's the thing that's kind of interesting is there's a lot of muted like, saturation in this movie, but when...

you see those like winking blue and red lights if they really pop um so yeah it's terrific uh if you're listening to this check out xcross speaking of checking things out though richard if people listening to this are like hey This is the first time I've heard this Richard Glenn Schmidt, but I like the cut of his jib. I want to get on board. I want to get on the Richard train. Where do they go to do that?

Hello, this is the Doomed Show over on Legion Podcasts or hellodoomedshow.podomatic.com or wherever you find your podcast content. We've been doing the show. We took a year off, but this is our 13th year of doing the show. Yeah, which is why we're on episode 6005. Oh, no, wait. We're in the 200s, so it's okay. It's okay. That's a reasonable amount. Is that what you're suggesting? Anything over a couple of hundred, that seems excessive. No, it's just I wish we had more. That's all.

But yeah, we do giallo movies and slashers, a lot of Euro cults. We're starting to sneak in some not horror-related, not thriller-related weird stuff. Just whatever strikes our fancy. And it's just, I think it's a good time show. Speaking of editing something within an inch of its life, that is kind of your stock and trade with dudes.

But it's good. It's so good. Thank you. Thank you. You know, you know, I have to say it on air. I already miss pick six movies. Yeah. You know, there was a conversation. i had recently where i i sent a a couple of movies over to chat i was like you know we ought to do a one-off on one of these uh because it felt like they felt like uh uh real gaps in the movies we covered like the look i'll just say it zapped we we did not do zapped and that that feels like a crime it feels like

I saw that as a child with my parents. That was so gross. Yeah, yeah. Yes, it's a disgusting movie. And it feels like something that we should have done. And Zapped again, the sequel. Look, I'm not saying we'll do a full season, but we may very well do Zapped. Anyway.

So, yeah, thanks again for doing this. And, you know, you'll be back. We'll talk again. Oh, man. Thank you for having me. It's been way too long. I love it. Yeah. All right, buddy. And there you have it. Man, I had such a good time doing that show. And we are already in talks on the next thing. We're just working on the scheduling for that. So at any rate, thanks for joining the Dark Parade. If you can tell somebody about the show, that's great.

that would be awesome uh be sure you are uh contributing to uh the legion podcast patreon um and you too will get access to the video of ranking of horrors even if you don't watch it live What else? What other stuff can we show? Eh, you know what? That feels like enough. You people are just overworked, underpaid, overstressed.

let's uh not add to your burden just come back next week listen to a little more dark parade we'll have a good time all right guys uh that is it have a spooky time and thank you as always for joining the dark parade see you in a week