Hello Internet, and welcome to this afternoon edition of trend MD. As we will begin to discuss that company or their parent company of web md. But allow me to introduce myself and the day. It is Thursday, January eighteenth.
And I am Miles and I'm joined by Brian the Editor.
How are you, Brian the editor? Hello, everybody, it's me Brian the Editor.
Wow, we've got the branding sorted out.
Yeah. Do you have merch made yet it's being drop shipped?
Yeah, because what you just bought like knockoff Tyler the creator Mercy, Yeah, Igor album and then yeah, I.
Paid some people to just scribble it out and put Brian the editor just leave the the there.
Leave the comma. That's it.
Uh.
Anyway, let's get into it. The first thing that's trending web MD. That's why we said trend MD because their parent company, Internet brand, which sounds like some dark corporate overlord, put out a very very eerie video for all of their employees that basically started off that's like, you know, a while we like people are coming back to the office, and we notice those people that are there, unfortunately too big of a group, is still not bringing their ass
into the office to fucking toil and we are getting more serious. That's like a fucking quote out of there about making sure that we change things up in the near future.
And it feels like very fucking ominous.
Like they have like the CEO or whatever of Internet brands talking and then you see all these other people who are giving like, you know, little testimonial quotes, but they look like there's a literal gun pointed at them off camera, Like that's right.
I've never seen people look more like they are in a hostage video than this, exactly outside of a real hostage video.
I guess even them, they look they even kind of have their shit together. They were like, I as the CEO, oh believe that the real.
Ideas come from please don't hurt my.
Dad, Okay, okay, that if we're all in the office together, we will make great things together.
Please let her go. Man.
It definitely has that energy and like people are clearly also they're talking all this shit about being in the office.
Have these motherfuckers on green screen?
Yeah, it's painfully obvious they are on greens. If anyone who has spent the significant amount of time looking at people in front of green screens like on YouTube, and shit, it's immediately obvious.
Yeah, you're like, you're not matching the lighting. You're not matching the lighting.
Come on now and we see that green sort of like bounce like coming out hitting their shoulders and your.
Cheeks and shit, yeah no, yeah, yeah, I hear someone better if you're gonna do this like this.
I like how this one dude was said like, we ain't asking full like the way he said is, we aren't asking or negotiating at this point, we're informing. And they got that song equal eco playing. They're like hey now, hey, now, hey now, and they're basically saying, like the transcript the translation of this lyric of jakamo fi noah nah a on na na actually means don't mess with us?
What the fuck is wrong with them?
Immediately I'm like, I don't know. Whenever I see like.
Black art used by corporate entities in any fashion m hm instantly irritates me.
I'm like, Wow, you pick this fucking song? Why why did you sund song?
Someone who just heard is like, do you know what that song's about? Like, I just like it was about like this. Apparently there was like an argument like in New Orleans where two tribes of Mardi Gras Indians they had a confrontation, and like, so I think this would be interesting, Like it's fun because people get dancing, but there's a darker fucking message that we can make it be that for the whole thing. And it's also like one thing to use that kind of music too, to
be like returned to fucking toil. In person, they say stuff like, oh, you know this, like this is gonna lead to like increased provement, like we just want to make things better. It's like I'm looking at the profits
of internet brands. They've only been going up. So I'm like, whenever you sear people say that, I'm like, either show some like real empirical evidence that you are able to quantify what that means for people to like not have the flexibility to work from home if they're able to, or just say, like we talk about all the time on this show, it's that the fucking rent is too fucked up because you have these massive leases on these huge commercial buildings and they're like, what's the fucking Like,
y'all we got.
Bills and at least at least use the fucking building, please.
Yeah, they come up with better incentives to get people to come in, like you can't. I mean, look, we've already seen companies that force people to come back in end up taking some sort of massive l Yeah, like people just leaving or you know, the quality of work is just like people just dragging their ass because they have to. You know, they're tired by the time they get to work.
Probably that way if you're fucking commuting to anyway.
I just I hope that uh, you know, the the corporate overlords and the powers that be are able to recognize that if if it's working, then just please keep it working.
Yeah. Now it's been running fine for the last three years.
You haven't gone under in your mission to make everyone think they have cancer?
Yeah right, yeah, obviously. You know the thing that we really love here is that all roads lead.
To you have some form of cancer. No matter what.
Your elbow hurts, you have a migraine, you're you got a new piercing that seems to be sort of not healing properly.
That's probably good be answer. We don't know.
We don't know anyway. What else is trending.
There's like there's like Wall Street journal piece that's out there that is talking about how like a lot of people are using dating apps, like you know, they're looking and says, you're looking for the one these dating app users are looking for, as DJ Khaled says another one and.
Apparently they say quote.
Open relationship enthusiasts crash mainstream romance apps, creating confusion among those who prefer monogamy.
I don't want to be an accoutrement.
A couterment. How do you say that word? I think I think it's a couterment.
I think it's outcasts or men. I think it can't be a coutrement. But anyway, like they're talking about how like they go into here like they are on these apps like Hinge and shit. But then people are just like like they're like matching them.
They're like, yeah, we're.
Looking for a third or a fourth, like you're down, and then like I'm sorry, I'm looking for just a partner.
Wait, so you don't want to be in this quadruple?
Are you for real? Did you see the photo?
We have a fucking we got three Doberman's, a men pin uh, I have a fucking we have a gigantic industrial sized air fryer.
And a Hata with four seats and.
You would get your own custom Stanley mug So, Okay, all right, fine, yeah, sure we live with my mom, but those amenities are still available to you as being part of this open relationship. The thing that I've been reading too, or just I've seen there was like a TikTok that was going around about this woman who was talking about how she got stood up on a date and she like, like this dude made plans to say, meet me at this restaurant this hour, blah blah blah.
She gets there completely ghosted, doesn't hear back from this person, and she's there and she's like, well, fuck it, Like I guess I'm here, I'm dressed up, like I'll just have something to eat or whatever, because like fuck it.
And then someone reached out to her and was saying like that it happened to them too, and they there's some conspiracy out there that restaurants are posing as people just to ghost them at their restaurant because there's a higher chance that they would fucking buy something while they're there because of the sunk costpat.
They did it. I love this.
I love this conspiracy theory that is incredible that.
I hope that's really I hope it's relieving.
I mean, if I was super underhanded, i'd be like, you know, what the fuck you should be doing? Like imagine coming here, you're gonna be like you don't want to be like, oh my date left me whatever, and then walk out all sad. You'd be like, fuck it, man, I took this out. At least I will have some pasta or some seef, whatever the fuck.
See have the you know I got stood Up special? You know, we just put it on the menu, I know.
Yeah, Or you do the thing where like you come by and then you act as like they're really understanding, like manager and you're like, oh, I'm sorry to did resources to go on a date?
You're like, yeah, I think they stood me up. I'm so sorry to hear that.
Yeah, Josh is a dick. Wait what you know? Yeah?
Wait hold on, can you can you take your glasses off?
And no, I'm sorry I have to go, but you know what, I will give you appetises for half off and the first wine is me okay. But then you go back and you're like, wow, they were so kind at this restaurant, Like I got stood up and like the manager was so understanding, like, I don't know, man, this.
That would that would be a doozy.
Yeah, true, But I mean we're in the we're in the era of just such you know, cynical, fucking in your face scamming that like it would not.
Marketing or advertising.
Yeah, hey, if you believe this, if you work in a restaurant or something, or you have stories about this, please let us know because I am curious if other people do have any sort of anecdotal evidence that supports this theory, because anecdotal evidence is the only kind I will accept.
Uh.
And then before we go to break, just shout out to superroducer Victor, who just was like, Hey, this video is kind of trending on Twitter. It's a fucking tiger just puking, just an amount that probably would come out of a tiger's stomach, but to a human being it just seems like like a fountain.
Yeah, I would like I would like a nice, a nice stone fountain of this, just like a gigantic what is that?
Like a what are the white tigers called?
Oh, I don't know, I don't know anyway, Yeah tiger I know from Power Rangers. Because that shit was not orange put it in a saber tooth tiger bombiting very hard.
Now.
I don't know if that's because like the animal is sick.
Obviously, I'm not trying to celebrate that, but like, was was it drinking like too much Mike's hard lemonade? It looked like Mike's hard lemonade.
I think you just drinks too drink too much water. I mean it is a cat, I mean cats. It's like I think it's third in their ranking of like things they love to do is just puking.
Yeah, they just got cats just sick. Well, doesn't matter. Yeah, they love a good puke.
I got two cats, and I'm always like, wow, something wrong with the cat.
They haven't puked in a while.
Mine loves puking. Right after the cleaners leave, I will have somebody come clean the house.
And then and then you'll hear that.
That weird churn. Yeah, like five minutes after they leave.
Every person with a cat, even a dog, you know when they're like they're like they're just about to clear it out, and you have to basically get your paper, towels and life fucking ready and be like not, they're not there here right here, right.
Here, right here, right right right here there designated.
But I do not have any more carpet cleaner, so just do it straight into my hands.
Fuck it all?
Right, enough about that, Let's take a quick break and we'll be right back and talking about more of the goings on on this planet.
And we're back. Skibbity toilet is trending.
Uh And I remember very early on I was like, what in the hell is skibbitty tot?
Why is this trending again?
Okay, so for people who don't know, it is like the bizarre fucking gen alpha meme shit that is taken people by storm with people with their heads coming out of toilets. You have like surveillance, like CCTV camera head dudes and like they're I don't anyway.
So it sounds like the authorities.
In Russia are investigating it because a man went to police last week and said he had quote accidentally seen the Skibbity toilet web series and then he said I am now concerned about its effect on children, and a law enforcement source said that the man had demanded that access to the videos be blocked for their detrimental effect on kids. And now the guy is asking that the
creator also be investigated, and I don't know. Apparently, like now people are like actually looking at that and trying to see if there's some like weird spiritual quote spiritual or.
Moral ideology in it.
I mean, I guess, yes, I look at that, I'm like, oh, this is just freaking me out. But then I also chalk that up to like I'm not as online as some of these kids are, where like every sort of texture I have that paints my media understanding is from things online.
In this weird pastiche.
I wonder if salad fingers was ever investigated for its effect on children right right right, because I'm like, that's the only that's the only thing from my generation that I can like into skivity toilet of, Like what the fuck did I just see?
Right?
Definitely definitely weird, but I don't I don't know if it's trying to poison the youth them.
Yeah, it's just a funny thing, like just like a reaction, like the guy sounds so weird. It's like, I so I accidentally saw this, and I think it could hurt the kid's brains.
Uh, And that's all I have to say about that. But I don't know. Yeah, go ahead.
That sounds like something that like maybe I would do when if I was like eighty years old and be like, I don't know, man, I don't understand it, so I need of we need to figure out what I'm going fence.
Yeah exactly.
So yeah, good luck, good luck with that investigation of Skibbity too. I don't know if if there's a way they could even quantify what the fuck is going on, then then great.
Fine.
The Department of Justice is trending because they have released a report talking about the Uvalde shooting and the failed response of law enforcement and basically the it should not be at all surprising that their determination here is that it was an utter failure on the part of law enforcement from just standing back and turning it into like
some kind of barricaded shooter situation. I'm like, yeah, apparently, like I didn't realize that almost four hundred, nearly four hundred officers responded to the scene and we're all just trying.
To figure out what to do. What's going on? Oh?
I mean no, some of them found stuff to do, you know, like yeah, keeping parents from going in and saving their children.
And right, one of the lawyers representing some of the parents were also just saying like, yeah, I mean, yeah, that was a failure, but like, let's be real, it's because this guy had a fucking assault rifle. That's the thing that was That was the thing that was actually preventing cops to go in because they're like, oh, this guy actually hasn't.
Been because no one wanted to be vaporized.
Yeah, high velocity rounds.
Yeah, it's so you know, well, how about you know, what if do you have any recommendations for gun control?
Maybe rather than being like oh yeah, man, that was an l for law enforcement.
Yeah, and even like Merrik Garland was like, those weapons have only a place in the battlefield, not in a classroom. It's not like someone brought it in for show and tell. It's like it should be like that those are weapons of war that shouldn't be in the hands.
Of people at all. How about that, Okay, whatever, we'll see what they do. Hey, look, this country's allergic to dealing with the core cause of issue. So here's this bunker that your kid can high.
In, right exactly, this whiteboard can actually stop a full on tank round. So also, here's another thing that's trending subway apparently they have a new Sidekicks menu, and whatever this means is that apparently this month they are going to have like all this like foot long shit that's coming out, like a foot long cookie, or a foot long churro, or like a foot long like a foot long pretzel.
Now, hang on, Miles, I need you to go back to this foot long cookie. What's this? Looks at it? It looks like basically the length.
It looks like a flat, deflated bun that they would use to make the sandwich.
It does look like a bun that has not risen, and they just drizzled chocolate chips on top, right right, totally unleavened bread. As a fan of as a fan of cookies.
You're a cookie lever. Yes, I've never had a foot.
Long cookie, so I am curious now.
It's it's hard, Like part of me is like this is so gimmicky. But the other thing is I love subway cookies.
I do. They're good, right, I like a subway cause like when they when they come right out the oven.
I remember when I was a kid, like I used to have the I'd ask them for like when y'all make the cookies come in five minutes after you get them.
Back and warm.
But like this thing, it looks like a like a like a flip flop that had like the little part that keeps your foot on and like goes between your toe, Like that part just blew off, you know.
What I mean? A cookie flip flop. That's just be giving this stuff away.
A cook a flip flop you can eat after a long day walking on the street New York City.
Yeah, a yum a yumma. You might want to hold on to some of these. I just don't know. I'm like, I'm worried about you. I'm worried about you, subway.
A long Like there's something distressing to me about a foot long cookie.
Worry about them, worry about my ass for wanting this cookie so bad.
I want this cookie? Yeah, let us know.
Do you want a foot long cookie? It's just it's just not in the shape of a cookie.
That's why I think. I think that's what's alarming to me.
I think they just baked them in the bread tins, like they just put they just line the bread tind that they make the bread cookie.
It looks almost precisely like like we said, it's just a flattened, unleavened, you know, white bread role for a subway sandwich.
But it's it's.
Cookie, like a foot long turil. That makes sense. This like other pretzel monstrosity.
Yeah, sure, should be about a foot long as far as I'm concerned. Yeah, well we'll see. We'll see.
Also, foot long pretzel does seem appealing, But that might be too much pretzel.
It might be.
It's hard to tell because I've never like un knotted a pretzel to see, like how much pretzel I'm.
Actually work, But this thing looks like a police baton. I mean, it's like your forearm. It looks like a forearm.
It's too it's too thick.
I'm sorry, you know what I mean. I'm just but I do like I do like a pretzel.
The foot long cookie? Is this weird?
This looks like a weird It looks like something like my grandmother would swing at me if I was misbehaving.
The one thing that worries me about it is I am lacked those intolerant and the amount of milk I would need for foot long cookie is unhealthy.
One gallon.
Yeah, you would have to bring a fucking gallon to fucking get through this.
Yeah, how much milk do I need for this foot long cookie?
Well, guys, keep yourself safe out there in a world of foot long cookies and you know, terrible gun control and just all the stuff that's out there.
Yeah slipping.
Yeah, don't get caught there out there lacking of a gallon of milk when you encounter a foot long cookie.
But anyway, thank you so much for joining us this week and today.
We'll be back tomorrow with a brand new episode and.
Yeah, thank you so much. And then yeah.
We'll head into the weekend and all that. But yeah, we got another fantastic episode for you tomorrow. Until then, take care of yourself, take care of each other, get the vaccine, do all that.
Don't do nothing about any kind of.
Hatred or bigotry or nothing like. Please be a person, be a force for good.
All right, we'll talk to you later. Bye bye,