Hello the Internet, and welcome to season three eighteen, episode four of Dear Day's Eye Guys Day production of iHeartRadio. This is the half assed schools out Teachers Showing Movies episode of the Daily zeit Geist. It's the last episode we recorded the year, last main episode we're still gonna be releasing. Other episodes were recorded earlier over the coming days. We're still gonna take a deep dive into America's share consciousness. Don't worry, We're just gonna not give as much of
a shit while we do it. I think, as generally the energy. We're not really talking about the news. We're talking Christmas. We got the Christmas fever. Baby, It's Thursday, December twenty first, twenty twenty three. It's Solstice Thursday twenty December twenty first, twenty twenty three at seven twenty seven pm.
Which zone.
I don't know, cos I just realize that I didn't. It wouldn't be the fuck around we don't give a shit episode if I had actually looked up which times though, it just celebrate it on every one of them. Yeah, like the people who are New Year's completests, and they do every striking of midnight around the world.
Oh, just like every hour on the hour until every time zone has observed it. Oh yeah, wow, all.
That's fun, right, that's a fun little celebration for people who are alcoholics. Just need to drink every hour on the hour for all of New Year's son.
I want to line up twenty four different people to kiss. Are there even? Are there twenty four time zones? I guess I've never really thought about this.
I think there are. I think I have thought about that only because of kids, because they're fascinated by time zones. And I know that China has one big time zone. But for the most part, I think the world is divided evenly into twenty four time zone.
Okay, makes sense.
Right, shouldn't it.
I think so if a day is twenty four, oh, I don't know whatever. Anyway, we can't even know, and we can't no way of knowing. The point is, I'm going to line up, however many time zones there are Planet Earth. I'm gonna line up that many people and kiss each one.
Just give them a big kiss for a New Year's sloppy kiss. Oh, you're gonna get so much COVID. You're gonna get all the kinds of COVID, Baby amazing tasted,
I'm boosted, Miles and Jack got mad boosted. Uh well, my name is Jack O'Brien aka on the twelfth day of Chris Missas that guys gave to me twelve plumpers plumping, eleven songs for Miles, ten tweets I'm liking, nine trends, a trend in, eight direct ridgibles, seven turtles in Tuna, six Lambo's got to Santa University, four cole gas mentioned, three Wexler soodes, two giants balls, and my Jens covered in p P That is courtesy a Fighter of the Nightman,
the AKA to end all. Aka's so much in there, so much in there, a lot to unpack, a lot to unpack, and we're not gonna okay, like it's a Christmas present. Somebody retweeted the moment from Wet Hot American Summer where I think it's Muchael show Waltzer's character is like, what an interesting way to wrap a present because in movies they just have the lid of a box wrapped and then the bottom of the box wrapped because that, yeah, because they don't want to do multiple where they have to,
you know, rewrap. The prisoner have multiple things wrapped, so it's just like, oh, I just lifted off because we hot. American Summer was a many take operation that David Wayne is like Kubrick regular five takes, David Fincher, anyone named David, any filmmaker named David is going to be a real pain in the asses NonStop. I'm thrilled to be joined in my second seat by a very talented writer, stand up comedian, podcast host of The Bechdel Cast, which takes
down the patriarchy one movie at a time. They also happen to have a master's degree in film and the most anagrammable name in the English language. It's Caitlin de Roda.
I wish I had a good anagram that was holiday themed, but I don't.
Well. Nine tit Dracula is the original holiday themes. Dracona celebrate Christmas.
I mean, yeah, yeah they do.
That's the ninth day of Christmas in Many nine to drug cute. Yeah, how are.
You, Caitlin, I'm doing rather well. It's a rainy day here in Los Angeles.
It is a rainy day in Los Angeles, and that means that the city you just wake up to the sound of sirens and the whole day you if you have to drive that day, the city will be trying to kill you that entire day because people don't know how to drive in wet weather in LA. And also I don't blame it all on the people. Also, there is this fine dirt that accumulates onto everything because it never rains that it's just everything is dusty and dirty as fuck, and when it gets wet, it turns very slippery.
So it's a it's a very dangerous condition. And you just hear police sirens all days. People's bodies are collected around the city. Is it terrifying? So be careful. Yeah, I will rain, i will rein out indoor activity in Los Angeles. I'll just be like, yeah, we're not going to the museum today because it's LA and it's because.
You have to still get to the museum.
Yeah, exactly. Anyways, Caitlin, thank you for joining for the Fuck Around episode. Happy to be here, our biggest fuck around co host. We had to have you, and then of course the number one fuck around. Now that's not really true. The writer of this very show, along with Miles and I and our guests, write their own material, but this is the one that you don't get to hear from very often. Well, we have a very special Christmas treat for you because he's our guest today. It's jam McNabb.
Hey, happy holidays, bringing it back, And you couldn't say happy holidays anymore.
They did say that, And sorry I sounded mad when I said your name. I didn't mean to sound agree.
Well, you gave it such a build up. It sounded like you were gonna say, like.
Santa, Santa fucking clause him very self and it's just me, him very self. What. Yeah, So this is the end of the road for me. I'm dying. No, this is the end of the This is just the end of a long the Christmas episodes, we record a lot of them, so we're like doing three days, four days in some cases, and my words stopped stop working, and so my words stop working.
People people don't know this, but we record the whole year in advance and just kind of passing December.
Damn is he guess? Guess is right a lot of the time. Yeah, who's the no st Yeah.
Domas was like the guy who like like predicted everything.
Yeah, he has a he has a great brand. For being wrong about fucking everything. Like the branding around Astro Damas is crazy because he would just be like, the sun will engulf the King of England in front of all of us, and people are like, well, kind of it. There was a sunny day this year and the King of England probably was out in the sun too much. Anyways, Jam, we're gonna get to know you a little bit better. Okay. We're also going to tell the listeners a couple of
things we're talking about. It is traditional for this Christmas episode to talk about Christmas gifts, Christmas presents we liked, when we like some of our favorites. We also like to talk about Christmas movies. I'm gonna keep hammering my point that Christmas movie is not horny enough. We'll discuss Home Alone fan theories, we'll discuss horny Christmas songs, just all around Christmas. Horniness seems to be the theme that
has come up. But before that, we're gonna talk about Christmas paganness because a lot of Christmas traditions, as Caitlin has pointed out, come from pagan and that is how you say that sentence. So we're gonna talk about that. Uh, huh, plenty more. But first JM. We do like to ask our guests, what is something from your search history that isn't porn, that isn't orange.
Okay, you're gonna have to give me a minute, Okay, keep it out, scrolling back. I looked through my search history and it was it made me realize how kind of irrelevant and sad and how like I have no interior life of my own because it was all stuff for work or stuff that I searched for my kids, because my kids are always asking me to search stuff, and so I was I've been trying to keep things
holiday related. So one thing they were asking me about is they've had a lot of questions about Santa this year, and like the other day.
Like starting to get suspicious, no more.
Just inquisitive, like questions that I didn't even really foresee, like going into it now that.
They're a little older.
Like the other day at breakfast, out of nowhere, my five year old just said, is Santa a God?
I was like, I mean, it's a great question. I think the answer is probably if you're gonna take it that, like, if you're going to insist that Santa is real, then technically kind of they have to be right.
Well, it makes sense because we're also like, it's we have the Santa narrative, but we're also constantly telling them that, like we don't believe in a god and aren't religious. It's like, at a certain point, I think they're like, well, why don't you just structure your belief system around like this guy that we do know is magic and immortal and giving us stuff every year, like let's build a temple to him and once five, yeah, eight and five, So like almost the same as mine. And the eight
year old still believes. Yeah, yeah, they're no, they're into it. But so, yeah, we wrote letters to Santa this year, which, like Canada post here in Canada has a thing where you can write letters and you get a letter back, but the postal code is in Canada. Oh and so they were saying like, well, why does it say the North Pole Canada? And I said, oh, well, maybe the North Pole is like technically in Canada. I'm not really sure.
And they were like, can you look it up? And I was like, okay, that's so I looked it up. Damn you Google well, and I you know, it was a very confusing, complicated answer. Where like it's no one, it's not in any country by you know, according to international law. But then a bunch of countries have been like trying.
To colonize the North Pole.
Yeah exactly, Like there was like Denmark actually like filed papers with the un like ten years ago to Charlie's Denmark. Yeah, and they did it right before Christmas. It was like a week before Christmas. They were trying to like occupy Santa's workshop.
Wow.
But and Canada's been trying to do it, and Russia They're all trying to get at the North Pole. So it's a really complex geopolitical answer. And then by the time I looked it up, my kids had moved on to something else that didn't care.
That's good.
So that's a little peek into the chaos of my life.
Well that us me thinking about how for like families who are raising their kids in like a very like a non religious, secular home, is there a kind of Santa counterpart that is like not it doesn't hinge on like this magical, mystical almost godlike narrative, Like can it just be like hey, I'm Santa, your dad, or just like a.
Regular Santa, and you know, how he gets those gifts. It ain't magic gets bust in his rear. Yeah, I feel like those are the main options, right Santa? Or come on? You know? You know Santa, my seven year old this year, gave me. He didn't He didn't say I don't believe in Santa. He gave me the room to tell him the truth. He said, it's interesting sometimes I've thought maybe Santa is just you guys leaving presence while I'm asleep the night before Christmas. And then how
did you? Meaningful? Pause? And I said, oh yeah, huh that's how I responded, like a like a dad.
Okay, So he was he was opening up space for you to tell the truth, tell.
The truth without I did not cheat. I withheld the truth. I lie back by omission. Yeah exactly. I backed through a wall. I backed away so hard that there's just a meat shaped hole in the wall in the room. So I at least I didn't like yell at him for thinking he's so smart or something, which was like there's a voice in my head, like I think it was my grandmother who wanted me to do that. You're like, oh, so you think you're smarter than me. You think what you think you figure something out, but I.
Didn't do that is your grandma Joe Pesci?
Yeah, a little bit not fun, Yeah, Nana Pete not a fan of mine. Nonsense. What is uh? What's something you think is overrated? Jam? Okay?
Sticking with the holiday theme, I'm gonna say candy canes.
Okay?
Has anyone ever bought a candy cane? No one wants candy canes. They are mainly it's It does seem like if you told me candy canes are actually like making money for some like secret government subsidy, or you know that there was some reason for them to exist, I would I would be like that finally makes sense to me. The existence and continued popularity of candy canes does not make sense to me. However, I have already voiced this opinion, which I don't know. Did you write that opinion for me?
You you do write for the.
Show, maybe, so I don't know. Do I actually like candy canes? And I was just writing, I was just reading what you wrote for me. But I don't like candy canes. I don't love peppermint candy. My kids have been kind of coming to that conclusion, and so it like reinforced it where they're like discovering, oh, these things suck. Yeah.
And as I voiced that I have been theret it by some TDZ fans in multiple instances, they reached out to me on Twitter and like offered to duel, like in a dueling context, more like I demand, sir that you give me the room to defend the good name of candy canes. And so instead of doing that, I I had you on to commiserate with me about how candy cans suck shit or take the heat. Yeah that's right.
Well, see, I like minty things, but like there, you know, there's no First of all, there's no good way to eat it, Like it gets all sticky when you're holding it.
It's got their to eat, hard to unwrap, the.
Worst shape for a food that you're supposed to lick. Yeah, yeah, just the shape awful products. I was looking out trying to look up how they came to be, and like there's a myth. I don't know if this is true, but they said that they were created to like silence choir children in churches in like the sixteen hundreds.
I don't know if that's true. That's funny. Literally everything's just small children. Quietly stop asking so many damn questions about sandy claws, you know what I'm saying, and shut your mouth around this. But yeah, they are very difficult to unwrap that. That can't that guys, are you okay?
Not really? Candy kittens and wrapping paper, I feel like both are wrapped by the same plastic in the same plastic method, just like shrink wrapped, and with zero like zero room for you to like dig in there, you know it's Yeah.
And while we're on the topic of wrapping paper, how much wrapping paper gets wasted not just from like discarded like after a gift has been unwrapped and then you just like are wastefully throwing away this, but also like you're cutting the wrapping paper to like fit their size and shape of the gift you're wrapping. So there's all these like little excess pieces that aren't big enough to do anything with and then those go to waste. Yeah, wrapping paper bad.
Wrapping paper bad. You can cut those up and put them in a confetti canon.
For New Year's Reduce, reuse, recycle, recycle.
You're used wrapping paper.
I think instead of wrapping paper, we should have blindfolds.
To the usable and plus your kids might like fall asleep, and that was shut them up to them, fuck up and they will stop asking questions about Santa Claus.
They would either invent candy canes or like invent the ether soaked rag.
It was like one of the two. What is something that you, Kaitlyn, you don't like peppermint candy canes, like the taste any of that stuff.
I'm not a big peppermint candy fan myself personally.
Okay, all right, well we're I'm sorry Zeygang, that I didn't get better representation for you maybe next Christmas. Making lots of promises about next Christmas to Zei Gang, We're gonna do a top five episodes where I actually let you guys vote next year, and also I will I will have one of you on to defend the good
name of peppermint candy canes. One thing that is super intriguing to me that we did learn during the holiday episodes this year was that you can just stick a candy cane, like regular street grade candy cane into an orange and suck on it and it will become a straw and suck up orange juice.
What, Yeah, I changed my mind.
I like candy canes, right, and they say it's like really delicious, even though those two things don't seem like they should work together because orange juice toothpaste so such a bad fit. But for some reason, like this actually just makes the orange juice like sweeter. I guess it's the way that the candy the candy cane is like pulled length wise and so it like creates little air pockets, and then because of the acidity of the orange juice it is like burning burning holes up the up the cane.
Okay, but what about when you like brush your teeth with minty toothpaste and then Yea drinks orange juice and it tastes horrible, tastes.
Like the worst, the worst. Yeah, that for some reason that does that principle does not apply. It might be the other chemicals in toothpaste that are causing that, which is why I don't trust toothpaste. Brush your teeth with candy.
Cans sentinel.
Fit. Yeah, I don't know. It's also funny that can can cane like canes are the thing because they were like clearly invented at a time when like people were still like suffering from polio and things like that, and it was just like, what what would kids like I.
Think a system device we turn into candy.
Yeah, according to that myth that I read, it was supposed to resemble like a shepherd's cane and not a poo, not a polio cane.
He I mean tomato, tomato, that makes more sense.
Well, speaking of oranges, here's a Christmasy time candy that I can get on board with is those chocolate orange candies. You know what I'm talking about.
Are you talking about the dried oranges dipped in chocolate or are you talking about just the things that are chocolate are orange flavored chocolate shaped like.
A orange and like sectioned off into different like orange sections, but made entirely of chocolate, but like flavored with like orange flavoring. So it's like orange flavored chocolates.
So there was a list of the worst Christmas candies published this year that did not contain candy canes did contain those, and I was furious. I think that's actually where my candy cane anger, or initially a rose it was like. But me that day was like Michael Douglas and falling down. I was just walking walking the city of Los Angeles, pulling candy canes out of children's mouths and snapping them in half. Yeah, just fucking.
Pissed you guys, And that's why you're not welcome at the mall anymore.
No, I'm not what. Uh, let's take a quick break. Actually, we'll be right back ed. We're back and jam. We're still we're still getting to know you, and we want to know what's something you think underrated?
Okay, Sticking on the Christmas theme, I'm gonna say Bob Dylan's Christmas album Have you ever heard that?
No, it's wait the one though I came out recently. No, I came out like fifteen years ago maybe that, and by recently I do mean fifteen Oh okay, I mean like not. It wasn't like young Bob Dylan sings the Christmas Blues. Yeah, No, this was old.
Bob Dylan sounding like the Devil himself singing Christmas yea, which I kind of love, just because most people in my family hate it and humor me by listening to it. But it is so bizarre, like I still can't believe it even really exists.
But it's also like half the.
Songs are really well done in earnest, and then half of them he sounds drunkn like he doesn't give a shit. It's kind of amazing.
I heard somebody recently say that he is like our greatest living functional Heroin addict, which I I don't know that I had ever heard that. I assumed he did not do drugs, and that's how he was able to be one hundred and twelve. I think I don't know how old he is. He's th two. I saw two. Yeah, that might be Heroin. He so fucking old. Holy shit, I can't believe he's eighty two. He does not look like a healthy eighty two. Wow.
But yeah, his Christmas album, I just think it's worth I mean, it's just it's odd and it doesn't sound good,
so I understand why people don't like it. But I do appreciate the kind of shit disturbing punk rock energy of it, even though it's like very like like the arrangements are very classical, like it sounds like a Bing Crosby record, but then on top of it, the vocals are like like Tom Waits, Yeah, like a Tom Waits cover band singer like murdered Bing Crosby and took over his e and I kind of love that have yourself.
Yeah, just really croaking the things out at this point, but I like to I like some of his later stuff. The thing I was thinking of is must be Santa Yes, which I think we wrote about at Cracked. Was that like this bizarre Christmas video that like just seemed like a fever dream at the time, and I was like, that's recent fourteen years ago.
Yeah, Well, speaking of Joe Peshey, your grandmother, Jack, do you know about Joe Peshey's Christmas album?
No, He's is a thing.
It's a real thing, and you're going to want to listen to it. Everybody, turn this off right now, go listen to Joe Peshi's Christmas album It's.
Nuts the original podcast. He I typically associate him with not being the most Christmas ey guy in the world, associate him with robbing people's houses during Christmas and flooding them.
So well, he contains multitudes, I guess.
So also, he and It's Marvin Harry are the characters. I think they really love each other. I just noticed that on the most recently rewatch of Home Alone, Like they like an old married couple, but they just love each other, like there's a great deal of the way Joe Pashi looks at him is like he's just like a bitch, but he like the fact that they're together, that he stays with somebody as stupid as Daniel Stearn's character.
Like there, it just implies this deep bond that makes you kind of root for them a little bit.
And that is something that I don't think people take away enough from that movie.
Yeah, all they take my is the damn Christmas presence and Kevin and o oh.
He booby trapped his house, Isn't he so clever?
I talked about this on a recent episode. But man, the second one is so violent.
I see, I haven't seen that one nearly as often as the first violent.
If anybody knows the origin, and maybe I should ask the two of you, I mean, Caitlin film major.
J I have a master's degree.
Film Masters, film master.
I apologize, I just have an undergrad and degree in Yeah, but you also would be the type of person who would know the details about how Home Alone two was written.
I am very curious because the movie is heading in the direction of him weaponizing Fao Schwartz, like the robbers are going to rob Fao Schwartz or you know what,
Duncan's toy chest as it's called the movie. He catches them at like in the act and he has to protect them, and it's like all set up for him to booby trap and like attack them with toys, which was like the fun endearing part of the first one was that he like used his toys to attack them, but then instead of doing that, he lures them into a murder house and just murders them over and over and over again.
Yeah, instead of micromachines.
It's like what if bricks, Yeah, what if I threw bricks from five stories up directly and that the corners hit you in the head, like the corners of bricks out hit you in the head multiple times, and then like I used power tools.
Well the fucking shot with nail guns.
The first one, like he steps one of them steps on a nail, probably gets tetanus. One of them, like scalp gets burned off with a blow torch, someone gets an iron in the face. They're violent movies, well the first one.
So their thing was like we have to and maybe this is just like screenwriting one oh one film master, Please let me know but I'm ready. I know you have to heighten, right, but the way that they chose to heighten is like, Okay, instead of getting hit by a paint can they get hit by a giant like metal bar that would shatter every bone in their face, which is like turn their skulls into jelly, like right, you know, like all of the things that they get smashed by that like they have a hot iron fall
on their face or something in the first one. This time it's a bag of cement that is like has one hundred pounds written on it, so like would kill them. Yeah. So like it's just such a specific choice that they of like how to how to heighten. So I guess my question is like if anybody was has insight into the notes process, I feel like there is a first draft of that script where he's like shooting them with nerves and stuff like that, and they watched it and like they were like.
Ah, it's not big enough.
It's not big enough, Like we need to invent this rich uncle's house that is abandoned that he can just like fucking take them to and just murder them over and over like, so they do that head on fire thing again and then he fills the toilet with kerosene, and like the whole house goes up and flames.
It's because his head's on fire. And then he sticks it in.
Sticks it in the toilet, and the whole house like just explodes in a ball of flame. But then like nobody dies and the house doesn't burned down because because you know, it's a Christmas miracle. But anyways, it's please somebody rewatch home Alan too and let me know that I'm not crazy, because I'm pretty sure I'm not. Like it's the whole thing just is wild.
I have a partial explanation for this, yeah if you doesn't explain everything, but I heard you talk about this in the podcasts. Yeah, and I thought i'd look into it, and I couldn't really find out that much information. But I remembered something I'd written for Cracks a long time ago about the talk boy, Remember, like the tape recorder that he uses.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That was like that was retro engineered from the idea that they were like, Okay, let's invent a toy for Kevin to have, and that will be like the hot new Christmas toy. We can sell a bunch of them if we you know, partner with a toy company. Yeah, and so the first idea they had was to have him have some kind of a toy gun that I imagine he would use on the Wet Bandits somehow at
the end of the movie. But then someone was like, hey, John Hughes, I know you spent a day and a half writing the script, but this kid is not gonna be able to take a toy gun, even pre nine to eleven, onto an airplane and fly to New York. So they changed it to a tape recorder. But I imagine that may have been there may have been more toys as weapons if he could have brought his toys with him.
Oh okay, but he has the whole fucking toy store at his disposal. Jam.
That's true on Turtle Doves, right, you can't kill a man with turtle doves.
Like truly a profound lack of imagination for like fun things to do with toys by the writers of that movie, because yeah, when he gets to go to the toy store, they don't even give him like a fun Tom Hanks and big scene. Really, he just gets Yeah, he gets two Christmas ornaments from the guy. These are two turtle doves and you give them to someone and it symbolizes friendship. You mean, like he was gonna get it from its like, oh, you're gonna give it to the bird lady. Okay.
Yeah.
By the way, they're birds that woman would have preferred. Gosh, what's she gonna do with that turtle dove?
Oh? Great? So I have these fake birds that like he runs out of the biggest suite in the big the finest hotel in New York and runs down and gives her two turtle doves. While she's there with like a bunch of beautiful live birds, like here's a here's a fake one. She's like, oh gotta go. Yeah, Jesus Christ, they are so rich. It's crazy. It's the whole thing is really like a yeah, Donald, Like I feel like Donald Trump not only appears in that movie, but like took a pass on that movie.
They gave him the script and they.
Yeah, I got rich, make them richer. The only thing that makes sense of this movie is that the parents sit in first class and their kids are in coach. That's the only thing about this that makes sense.
Maybe it was just like a nice Christmas movie. And then he was like is there a scene where a small child throws bricks at poor people? I guess we could put that in the end of the movie. It seems a little out of place.
Of course, that's what That's what people are gonna you know, that's what you what you do with your kids on Christmas. He had a different accent back then. I'm not doing Trump accents, all right, guys, leave me alone late Caitlin. Yeah, Christmas, the Christmas tradition, the Christmas spirit is all about celebrating birth of baby Jesus Christ. And and it is historically accurate. This is Jesus' birthday, and that's why we have the tree inside our house.
The end, correct, and we can move on to the next week.
Move on.
No, no, no, no, I wanted to. I have a little segment called Caitlin's Christmas Corner.
Caitlyn's Christmas Corner.
Yeah, I'll come back next year for a night. I'm inviting myself.
Oh sorry, it's a forty five minute guitar solo now, so it's just everybody sit back.
Okay, So this might be I think this is becoming more common knowledge than it was. But if anyone doesn't know, many Christmas traditions are actually rooted in pagan traditions, festivities, celebrations, and I thought that would be particularly fitting to talk about as today is Winter Solstice, or it will be at seven twenty seven pm time zone question mark. Yeah, our last It could have happened by the time or
listened to this, who knows. But anyway, so, yes, many Christmas traditions that we currently observe are actually pagan, and pagan in this context just refers to, you know, like the ancient polytheistic pre or non Christian people that were around many hundreds, if not thousands of years ago before the birth of Jesus. Yes, indeed, so there are a bunch of celebrations from around the world that were celebrated around this time of year that likely inspired present day
Christmas traditions. I'm only going to focus on a couple of these, starting with the ancient Romans, who celebrated something called Saturnalia.
Yeah, they were celebrating the Roman god of agriculture, Saturn, and they were celebrating the kind of like ending of the planting season and the harvest.
This was usually celebrated between the seventeenth and twenty fourth of December. They were these traditions. Let me say this, the Romans, they knew how to party. The celebrations were quite raucous, way more so than traditional like Christian Christmases. There was like public gambling, there was drinking. There was just basic like general public debauchery happening.
The gambling really got like weeded at because you know, Hanukah has gambling, Like my kids brought the dradle home and we ended up spending an hour just like gambling crans and I ended up cleaning their ass out. It was very it was wonderful nice, but but they like it made me realize how much we're missing a good gambling inspired tradition in like true like modern day Christmas traditions, right, there isn't really one. I mean, I guess you're gambling with you.
Know, people's hearts, with.
Your heart, with the fucking missile toe. You know, you're gambling that some pervert's going to be hiding behind that day missiletoe.
You know you're gambling with you know, here's a problem I have. I'm not a very good gift giver in the sense that I often don't know what to get people. So I'm like, maybe they'll like this, And that's a gamble where I'm just saying, yeah, I hope you like this shitty thing.
And you do say that you were at our the gift exchange, you did say I hope you like this shitty thing as you gave it out.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I write that on all my Christmas cards anyway, So there was so there were these celebrations that were happening around the same time that you know, modern day Christmas is at least is it Orthodox Christians that celebrated in like January. Anyway, The point is this was happening in ancient Rome. Meanwhile, Norse people were celebrating Yule also around this time of year. They were celebrating the birth of the sun, you know, the days starting Christ.
Yes, yes, I'm sorry, that's a different spelling of sun.
Okay, A different is the s u n Because winter solstice or post winter Solstice, the days start to get longer again there there's more sunlight. So they're celebrating this. These festiv these lasted for twelve days. Maybe that's where the twelve Days of Christmas comes from. Ever think about that.
Jam, Sorry I didn't.
And people would get together for feasting and drinking. They would eat a big ham. Okay, think about that as well. They would decorate a yule tree and light a yule log.
Christmas. This is literally like.
What you're saying is a Christian must have time traveled back all of these customs, Yes to them.
Yeah, pretty exactly in.
Accordance with teaching of Jesus Christ.
And then we've got other things like you know, decorating with holly, exchanging gifts, caroling, singing, kissing under the mistletoe. These are all rooted in pagan traditions, so clebrating these like winter Solstice holidays. Also, Santa Claus was is thought to be at least partly inspired by Odin.
Yeah, he's got serving up.
Odin's got this big, long white beard.
You know.
He would ride through the skies on an eight legged horse. People think that that might have been like then kind of translated to eight reindeer that Santa Claus would fly around.
Anyways, I like the presentation of this because it's like people think that maybe it could be related to Santa Claus. He would ride across the sky on an eight legged horse, and Santa rides across the sky on eight reindeer huh.
I'm not sure I ever saw, but it's.
There's like I can see the similarities, but I'm.
Not I'm just trying to be diplomatic, you know. Anyway, So, when christian were trying to convert everyone in Europe basically to Christianity around the fifth century, they realized it would be easier to convert the Pagans to Christianity if they
let them keep these traditions. So Christians basically like co opted or appropriated the traditions and attached them to the celebration of the birth of Jesus, which also many historians believe was not actually born on December twenty fifth, but that was just close to when the Pagans were celebrating
these winter Solstice festivities. And so that's why all of these Christmas traditions that we currently participate in actually have nothing to do with Christianity and have everything to do with these ancient celebrations and religions.
Okay, can you guys hold on for a sec I gotta go throw all my decorations in the garbage.
It was built on lies typeagan.
Yeah, I'm gonna I'm gonna bring in a wicker man instead of the tree.
It's like the two big Christian holidays just happened to be too overlap with the like big times that people celebrated, Like of all cultures, Like there's almost always a time of year when people are like this is the time
that it's cold. It's cold other days, this is the like day the earth is trying to kill us the most, and so we do the most like insulting thing we can to it and like cut off one of its trees and like take it inside, burn it, burn it to be like fuck you, we rule, you can't kill us. We deserve to be warm, yeaheah exactly. So yeah, and then the Easter one is like the you know, the fertility stuffy. So it's all, it's all we were not.
No Jesus dying had everything to do with rabbits and the eggs, yeah, and hiding the eggs, et cetera.
Yeah, that there's that famous part where they like go and like look under his feet when he's on the cross and like under his little sash thing and there's like colorful eggs in there. Yeah. But all right, yes I'm not convinced, but do you have any any more evidence? Sounds like bullshit.
Well I well, the other thing I do want to talk about is the beloved Christmas flower, commonly known as points setia's point SETAs. I don't know how to say it, and I'm here to drop some truth at y'all.
Ready, okay, oh shit, And this part will be delivered as.
A rap, right, yes, yes, I wrote a rap for this, and someone please.
Hit it.
Okay. So, the flowers, commonly known as points adi as, They are native to Mexico and are known by their original name of Quetlasis. They historically have been cultivated by and held cultural significance for Mashika people. I'm going to quote something from hip Latina dot com. Quote community members decorated their temples with the quetlas oil as an offering
to help reignite the light of Mother Earth. This was done during winter solstice, on the birthday of And here is the name of a Mashika god of sun and war that I will not pronounce correctly, but silo put I'm not even gonna try. I didn't even finish it, thank you. It has so many syllables and I'm simply it would be just a disservice if I tried to attempt it again anyway, So this god of son and war,
they were celebrating the birthday of him. And so that's kind of like the cultural significance of these flowers.
Now.
The reason they're called point Setia's is because a slave owner and colonizer named Joel Pointsett. He was out there colonizing whatever land that he could, and he came across these flowers in Mexico and started shipping them back to his home in North Carolina. And then so these flowers came to be named point Setia's in his honor. But there are a lot of people who are campaigning to have these flowers be called by their original indigenous name, Quitlas.
So that, well, let's chill. It is so chill yeah, Joel point set Okay, man, okay, Joel. Cool job man, Well, cool job by you, Caitlin, because that was great. And now I'm gonna, as jam said, goes throw all of my Christmas decorations off of the top of the building at Robbers.
Yes, thank you.
So another thing that I think is worth noting about Christmas, and that lends Christmas It's power but doesn't get talked about a lot, is that this is a fuck season folks, it's the horniest time of year. This is studies have shown the time that the most babies get conceived. This is the birthday. Capital of the year is September, which is nine months from right now, So this is when a lot of the people of earth be fucking. It's
like essentially humanity's unspoken breeding season. And yeah, I think I like first realized this when doing like a article on times of the year, and like, I don't know, I was like, why doesn't anybody talk about the fact that, like Christmas in New Year's is like the time everybody's
having sex. But then it like really makes all the stuff makes sense, Like why Christmas songs are as horny as they are and why Love actually is seen as a good movie were the two things that I was like, Oh, okay, So like because it's like the Christian sort of over like surface text that gets written on top of Christianity is like it's family and chaste, and but like, deep down Christmas is freaky as fuck, and so that you know,
you can hear it in the music. But even like the Mariah Carey song, like I was just listening to the lyrics for that, and like that song is she is like threatening to ruin Christmas if she can't fuck this person. She's like, I'm not going to like put up any decorations like this.
I mean that person is me, like right, and it's me.
Yeah, which great feeling for all of us. But I feel like for a long time, Christmas music has just been allowed to be horny on main The movies, I feel like are a little bit lacking in that respect, but it does bleed through sometimes, and so we wanted to talk about some kind of underrated horny aspects of Christmas movies. I like, I've said this before, but I don't think Love actually is a good movie. But I think it is the only movie where the explicit sub
jets are Christmas and horniness. Like it's the one that's like, this is a series of love stories and it's all based around Christmas, and so there you go.
It's every but not based on love. They're like, all these people are horny for each other exactly.
Yeah, but then a man man explaining his horniness to you by being like, actually, I'm in love with you, and it's called love.
When I have a direction that equals love.
So but yeah, so jam you kind of dug Into, because you were telling us as we were talking about this subject, You're saying that a Toronto theater is like screening Eyes Wide Shut as a Christmas movie a couple of year. I'm seeing it.
Really Friday night, Wow, Tomorrow night and at the New Beverly. Is a part of it's like Christmas programming.
Yeah, well it went very quickly from like people kind of joking like oh eyes, why should as a Christmas movie? So like, oh no, it's it's part of the Christmas canon now, I swear.
And it ends with them Christmas shopping right and talking about fucking each other. The main thing, the main kind of rift between the couple happens at a Christmas party. I mean we've all been there, like we've then. Yeah, the story right, the climactic Fidelio party is very similar to Christmas parties that I go to. You know, that's just how we get down. Uh huh. But so I like that, I like people need to start making horny Christmas movies yesterday.
So, like like I said in the doc, like I don't actually think this movie is is motivated by horny Weirdly, it's it's it's the thing that drives. The movie is like Tom Cruise's sad, kind of pathetic, like just male insecurity because his wife said that she was horny and he's like, I'm gonna go do something about it, and he never does.
He just has one failure after another futility, Yeah, which is so funny.
People that don't say say they don't like that movie. I feel like, don't get how funny it is, or don't you know, walk into it thinking that it's going to be funny, because I find so many things in that movie very funny, like how he whenever he goes places, he pulls out like his wallet and shows his medical ideas if.
It were like a badge. He was like an FBI agent. I'll take it from here, ma'am. Yeah.
Yeah, I find it the whole thing very very.
Yeah it is. I feel like Stanley Kubrick was like, I'm going to humiliate this little fuck like that was that was his thesis statement for Eyes White Shut. Although I think sexual Insecurity and all that stuff is tied up and in the horniness of it all, I think that's a part a side of the coin of horniness. I guess so.
But it's a movie full of sex where like the main character never actually has sex, even though he keeps trying and failing and looking like an idiot.
I mean, relatable much.
I know, right, thank you. I bet I would be willing to gamble that Tom Cruise's character pretty horny by the end of that film. Yeah all right, So so some underrated horny classics. We one that you pointed out, jam that I was not familiar with. I've never seen The Grinch. Jim Carrey's The Grinch. I think it's called just the Grinch. There's also Benette cumberbatch'es The Grinch.
I think that was just called The Grinch. The Jim Carrey one I think is still.
Called How the Grinch Stole Christmas.
I mean it's it's bad. It's real bad.
The movie vs bad. Yeah, okay, gasp, but it's the are freaky freaky as hell in that movie. Yes, I watched some scenes and they are having key parties, like when he is delivered.
Oh my gosh, that's right, yeah, okay.
Which I was. I wouldn't have like picked up on that. That's what that was like as a kid, or even just now, unless you explain to me what a key party was.
But also a key party where they're blasting smash Mouth.
I couldn't remember, Yeah, and.
Greened people such as the Grinch and smash Mouth go hand in hand, because how does Shrek end smash Mouth and how does it begin?
Shrek is never far from smash Mouth. The smash Mouth is never far far afield in the world of Shrek exactly.
There's also a subplot where like Christine Baranski is like this unrequited love interests.
But like she kind of likes him too, because oh, green is a Christmas color, so she's just full Christmas person. Yeah, and at one point he does like stick his face in her boobs and from the whole town so die Hard. I'm not sure Diehards a Christmas movie, Like somebody I heard somebody pose the question like would this movie be significantly diminished if it if it happened on like July fourth,
and it would be diminished. It wouldn't be like significantly diminished, I guess, but you know, I don't know it's.
But I would say still horny because I would argue that Bruce Willis's main motivation for you know, taking down Hans Kruber and Minions is not necessarily that he's like, wow, I have to keep all these people safe, trying to win back.
His wife, who who is like wandering to ellis one of the great horny characters, just cocaine horniness embodied in a human m Yeah, no, he is, like, I've always
found it weird. This is maybe the movie, like the movie I've seen the most besides Jaws, and it always stuck out to me that he has to convince himself out loud not to jack off multiple times in the movie, Like when he like, as he's running around hiding from the terrorists on the building, he like sees sees like a naked a poster of a naked woman and he's like, ah, not now, ladies, Or like he sees a woman like changing a building nearby and he's like, I can't, God,
I really want to jack off right now in the middle of this nine to eleven level terrorist, but I just can't let myself do it. He's a professional, he's a professional exactly. But it's okay for jacks.
They were not terrorists, they were robbers, that's right. I actually wrote a paper about Diehard for a class on terrorism.
You really, whoever said we were terrorists fucking you did. That was your whole It was your whole thing. Man, what are you talking about?
But also, yeah, the movie, like it's also about Bruce Willis climbing a giant foulis which and eventually the tip explodes at the end, Like yeah, it's it's very Freudian. And I think it is about like this pent up sexual frustration because we also know that he's been separated from Holly, and they cleverly show us in the beginning of the movie that he's not unfaithful to her, that he probably hasn't had sex in a long time. Because the limo driver Argyle suggests that he could help him,
like pick up some women while he's in town. He's like, no, no, I'm married. I wouldn't do that. So yeah, yeah, it's just like yeah, it's just it's blue balls the movie.
Yeah, Bruce Willis at Christmas.
Her name is Holly.
Yeah, Ok, yes, the Hall, Wow Deck the Hall. Yeah maybe that movie. He he always has to turn, Like in the second one, which is about Holly is in a giant fallus flying through the sky and can't can't land until he blows up a phallus with a bunch of terrorists this time, I think actual terrorists. Oh no, also also thieves on it, and then he shouts, there's
a fucking landing light, Holly. But they clearly. I would say that the fact that the second one also takes place at Christmas is evidence that at least the filmmaker and the fact that it takes place around the most phallic technology that we all encounter the most on our day to day basis that airplanes are just giant dicks like the leads me to believe that the filmmakers were aware both that of the importance of Christmas and the
importance of horniness to the appeal of the film. They did release it on July fourth, but they were like, it's got to be Christmas again, guys. Sorry, yeah, all right.
The fact I think that was when the original director came back and did the third one. I think that was his only Uh, it couldn't be Christmas. Yeah, He's like, I'm not doing Christmas.
Again, Like, guys, it doesn't makes so little sense already. That's what's happening to him.
Is that the one where it's like basically a Saw movie, where some like the villain's like, let's play a game and then they have to like solve a bunch of puzzles.
Yeah, yes, yes, nice, but it's all get this a distraction because they're trying to rob something. It's wild. You'd think that like that would also be a thing where they're like, maybe not this time, maybe they're actually terrorists, because like the whole bait and switch of it all makes it seems like they keep getting away with that.
I hope, I hope when that director dies they use like George Lucas technology to make that movie Christmas, like just put cgi jackets on everybody and lights.
And Samuel L. Jackson's dressed as Santa Claus the whole time. Well, shit, Jam, such a pleasure having you on the daily zeit Geist. Thanks? Where can people find you? Follow you all that good stuff? I don't know.
I guess I'm on Twitter still, but I mean, who who wants to go to Twitter? It's not even called that anymore. But I'm at Jam McNab again on there. I think I have a Blue Sky account. I haven't checked it in a while. One thing I'll promote, which I never do is, uh, some music I've made is on Spotify and things which I never promote but we're not even really a band anymore. But I would appreciate it if you if you checked it out and clicked on it, and you don't even have to listen to it.
But I think I get like a Nickel or something every time the album gets yeah, exactly. So Yeah, the band is called VistaVision with a V. So you can check that out on music platforms.
There you go. We will link off to it footnotes footnotes. Is there a work media besides your own that you've been enjoying? Oh?
You know what I was gonna I was gonna point to for this is just I saw on whatever Twitter is now that.
Still okay? Type Twitter, it will take you there.
I saw John Frankensteiner on Twitter posted Ciskel and Ebert's review of Home Alone three.
Yeah did you see that? Yeah, you still haven't seen it, but.
Oh it's bad and it's not a Christmas it was the it follows the Diehard pattern.
Yeah, but yeah.
Ebert passionately argues that it's the superior Home Alone film to the other two and Siskel just like you can see Siskel's soul like leaving his body. As Ebert argues with him about this and he tries to say that that little boy whose name I don't even remember, was a better actor than macaulay culkin. Wow, yeah, it's pretty funny to watch, so yeah, check that out.
Mccaullay Culkin's acting does mainly consist of raising his eyebrows up and down, and I feel like it is an ingenious performance because it suggests that the director, like for his performance, was a five year old. My five year old is so impressed. He's like, well, my god, why is he doing that with his eyebrows. I'm like, cause he's a little fucking brat. I don't know you like that,
you like this? I like this kid Homelon. My five year old saw it for the I think second time this weekend, saw Home Alone two for the first time this weekend, and it is now his favorite movie.
Actually, I was going to ask you because my older kid has seen hom Alone two, my younger hasn't, and I was after listening to your podcast, so I was like, would it be irresponsible to show.
Two? Okay? I did not remember that it was a fucking kill house murder box.
Yeah, Like, if if you see like a notice next week that I was killed by like a brick curled from the second floor. That's why it's arrest my child.
Yeah, Caitlyn, what a pleasure having you as co host.
Thank you for having me.
Where can people find you? Follow you? And is there work a media you've been enjoying?
You can follow me on mostly on Instagram these days at Caitlin Durante. The big thing I want to plug is the Bechdel Cast is going on tour Wow February. Mm hmmm. We're going to San Diego, San Francisco, Sacremento, Dallas, and Austin.
Wow.
If you go to link tree Slash Spectel Cast, all of the details and ticket links are there, so come out and see us live. And as far as a piece of media I've been enjoying, oh gosh, I forgot to do this one. But speaking of horny Christmas movies, Batman Returns is I think takes the Cake.
I think another great example of like that is both more Christmasy than I remembered it and way hornier than I remember.
So horny. And also I have a Batman Returns tattoo brag. You know the part where Michelle Fliffer goes into her apartment after she's just been like thrown out of a window and then like nuzzled by a bunch of cat like streaks out nuzzled exactly, that's just science. And she goes back to her apartment and she has that neon sign that says hello there, but she smashes off the O and the T so that it sells says hell here, I have hell here on my arm.
You were just like I've got a batman returns tattoo. It's just Christopher walking with that Einstein wig.
Hell, yeah, Chip, isn't it?
Doesn't he talk about his son Chip a lot in that? Or Am I thinking of a different movie? No? I think that sounds right, doesn't She enter and immediately chug a thing of milk. Yes, I feel like that. Yeah, the milk looks pretty good.
And then she makes a really horny costume.
The yeah, like truly wrapped up in that thing like a candy cane, you know, just not a not an inch of spare anything in there, perfectly sealed in.
Also, I'll throw one other piece of media I've been enjoying, and that's Caitlin. I was listening to you It's wonderful life podcast. Oh thank you, and that you really called George Bailey out on his bullshit, so.
That as well, And that's not a horny Christmas movie, So what's the point.
Yeah, that's true. I was just watching so I've never seen It's a Wonderful life, and I know it's I just I'm not interested, and I don't blame you my family, just like it was not in our rotation. We black and white movies were not movies as far as I was concerned. When I was a kid, I was just like, well, that's not a It's not a thing I would watch
on purpose. Why why would that be a thing. So like that The Miracle on thirty fourth Street we didn't really fuck with, But I watched a scene from it for in preparation for this episode where he is like, it's supposed to be like a scene of flirtation and it was difficult to make it through. Yeah, I don't is that what passed for charming back then? This, this George Bailey guy just seems like a real dip, as my mom would put it.
Yeah, I think it is framed as uh cute and romantic, even though she's like give me my clothes back and he's like, give me my clothes back.
I just turned to eighteen. I was seventeen the last time we had a conversation. It's like, oh wow, oh and you were seventeen. She tells him she's eighteen, and he's like, oh, you were seventeen just last year. She's like, yeah, I guess if that's what it takes for you to like be into this. I think she asks him if that's like too old, like no, wow, what is he? How old is he supposed to be at that part?
I think sixteen forties, twenties, but he's visibly forty.
Yeah. Yeah.
And also that's the most romantic scene in the movie, is like him screaming an inch and a half from her face, just like yelling at her, yeah, plastic or something. It's I love parts that movie, but most of it's unwatchable.
Yeah, listen to the Bechdel Cast episode of It's a Wonderful Life, Very more brilliant in fights.
You can find me on Twitter at Jack Underscore O'Brian work media. I'll the Monday morning episode of podcasts. We've talked about my loose theory that that Home Alone is about an attempted, very late stage abortion, and I'd be curious to hear your thoughts. So I think I think she wants them gone. I think she wants them out of there. This is my read on that. Nineteen eighty four is George Horwell tweeted, if you aren't happy single, you won't be happy taken. Real happiness comes from the
cheesecake factory, not relationships. That's just I think an important thing for all of us to remember at this time of year. Confined us on Twitter at daily zeike Geist, read the Daily zech guys on Instagram. We have a Facebook fan page or website Daily zechus dot com. We put her episode and our foot notes where we like off the information that we talked about in today's episode, as well as a song that we think you might enjoy.
Super producer Justin Cummer, is there a song that you think people might enjoy?
Yeah, in lieu of heavy handed Christmas themed music, I'm gonna recommend something more my speed, but the title is appropriate for the season. This is a laid back Neil soul jam called Cold Air by The Hicks, and you can find that song in the footnotes footnotes.
The Daily Zeitge is a production by Heart Radio. For more podcasts from my Heart Radio, visit the iHeartRadio, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you find podcasts for free. That's gonna do it for us. Today. We're back this afternoon. I think we're gonna put out one of our best of the year top five episodes of the year and this afternoon and then more fun holiday themed year end themed stuff coming in the coming days. But have a great holiday everyone, and we will talk to you live in the new year.
We'll see the bye Happy winter, Sisteh.