The Zeitzpinklers 11/29: Sitzpinklers, Fruit Loops, Golden Bachelor, Spotify Wrapped, Marjorie Taylor Greene, Wonka

Hello the Internet, and welcome to this episode of the zep Spinklers.

My name is Jack.

I am not a zeit spinkler, but maybe I will be now there is.

I'm a night spinkler.

Oh, I'm definitely a night Spinklers because I'm old as fuck.

How are you doing, Miles?

I'm good? What are you eating?

I'm sorry about that, folks, I know.

I'm just saying do you have enough for the class? Because I'm hungry too, and I'm like, oh, what what do you get?

The nibbles?

A little one of those little nut bar things, not a granola bar. They're like nuts stuck together, you know.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, like honestly true, yeah, whatever, that kind.

Of shit, true, honest kind those types of bar.

Is there a sincere bar yet?

Yes?

And I want a paragraph written on the label to tell me about their businesses philosophy.

This ain't just another bar nuts compacted together. This this is a gateway to harmony with your body of self love.

That's right, copyright tm CM TMC. The marathon continues, run TMC. I'm Jack, that's Miles. This is some of the things that are trending, and so what is a zeit spinkler. What is a I guess it's not a zeit spinkler.

Wait, how is that second? If Germany is forty.

Germany is forty everything.

And most forty plus twenty two oh sixty two all our most are all our most?

Yeah, yes, wow, speeding is fifty.

Germany say they never sit. Soy, y'all lost the war?

Bro my right? So what is it?

Like? Why are we still talking?

I mean, I, like I was saying before at night, when I got to pee in the middle of the night, I'm not fucking standing like, I don't fucking I don't know that I will pee in a toilet at that point, like because I do this thing where like when I wake up in the night to be I like to I like to stay as like sleepy as.

Possible, like I'm not trying to be alert turn on the.

Light or not. Shit wonder. Yeah, I have close mostly and I.

Hate I hate doing that ship when you're in bed, You're like, fuck, bro, I need to pee, but you're like, but I don't want to get out of bed. But then you waste like forty minutes, like debating yourself not to peep.

Yeah, yeah, so yeah, I just pop right up and I keep repeating to myself so seepy.

Yeah, oh my god.

I pull my underwear barely down to my ankles, like this shit is like my mind here, I can't even get my underlog. I'm like, it's like, I'm serious. I use such little movement in the middle of the night to peek because like again, I have to maintain. I don't know if this is even a thing scientifically, but in my mind, I'm like, must.

Stay and sleep zone.

Don't move too big, Yeah, take underwear only.

Halfway down, sleep zone. Don't move too big, don't move too big.

Pe down, pe down.

That's one of the killers Inner Monologues, and David Fincher is the killer. Well.

I don't know if anyone saw that, but.

I heard it's I heard it's mid for Fincher.

It's mid for Fincher. It's good, though I enjoy it. The thing that you have to go in understanding is maybe.

He's not the best of his job this day.

Right, right, so don't like That's why I was like, I'm watching it like this is gonna be one of those movies where it's like badass assassin and then like yeah, and just right from Jump Street, he uh, not not so good.

It's kind of like you might not be good at this.

But I was realizing from the story that, like, the main reason I don't really try sitting when I pee is like a public toilet.

Is yeah, toilet too cold.

But also I feel like there's like a lot of like toxic masculinity shit, Like weren't there like stand up comedians being like this is the type of guy who sits when he peas.

Yeah they used to say about Drake.

I remember, yeah, Yeah, that's kind of like, yo, he did a type of due he pee.

It's a real like masculine toxic masculine trait, trend or meme.

I feel like, yeah, I think the only thing that would prevent me from sometimes it's I think I may have just had the muscle memory of being able to be standing and pee real quick and keep.

My shit hold like you, keep it moving, keep it moving.

Yeah, yeah, in public slow down. I just slowed down a little bit while I'm going by the toilet. Oh wow, in the toilet, that's right.

But like I don't drive by.

But it's the mere it's the mere disgusting nature of most public restrooms that would prevent me from sitting at all.

Yeah, I think, yeah, yeah, oh no, of course, yeah, I'm not talking about public restrooms.

But uh yeah, let us know your your thoughts, your.

Opinions, your feelings, and uh, let's talk about fruit loops because they've gone woke.

They caught the woke mind virus.

Who can sam is wrong with them?

So they're the right wings.

Performative media outrage machine has continued to cycle through random products, seemingly that can be used to stir up false outrage, and the latest is fruit loops. Because the beloved wildly unhealthy breakfast cereal is encouraging kids to read.

Oh fuck yeah, oh no, what what.

Are they doing?

They hand it out free I pods with every book read or something.

Yeah.

So they're currently running a promotion on boxes in Canada that encourages kids to log into digital libraries to read stories, and said stories include diversity and inclusion, because like, there's one about a young girl learning about chopsticks, crazy like how to use them. Yeah, there's one with a blind girl navigating her environment.

Holy shit.

So accounts like end Wokeness and libs of TikTok blasted the woke propaganda of Big Fruit Loop and it became like an o A n story. I'm devoting a whole segment to calls to boycott fruit loops because.

You know, how's that going? How are those how those principled boycott's going there?

I mean I've known too.

Kan Sam was a problem since he had that rainbow beak.

You know, Oh you know what the agenda?

Yeah, come on, yeah, where he wears that agenda right on his nose? Follow my nose? Oh we're supposed to follow your nose?

Huh.

I remember they wouldn't let us.

I remember in junior high we couldn't eat foot loops or bring foot loops to school because they at the time they thought it was a reference to rainbow parties.

Yeah, that does not like some ship.

Look at his beak.

What is he going to know you don't you think to can?

Sam's not coming right from a rainbow party.

Now, he's funny.

Because his beak is quite literally what the imagery was supposed to put in people's minds of the rainbow parties.

Yeah do you think, dude? I mean, I know we've talked about rainbow parties before.

If anybody's unfamiliar, it was when Oprah had people on her show in the nineties, I think, yeah, And it was like, kids these days are sucking each other's dick's so much that they have to like come up with a fun art project to make it interesting. You different colors threes she had one two thousand and three.

Wow.

Wow wow wow wow wow.

So much dick.

Sucking in schools these days, and here is a forty five year old parent to tell us about it.

Yeah.

Yeah, it was an American Christian pediatrician. Okay, he's the one who said it.

Yeah.

Uh, And like the book that that like sort of kicked it all. I was called epidemic, how teen sex is killing our kids.

Meanwhile in the midst of one of the great slowdowns in teen sex and one of the great drops in teen pregnancy that we've seen ever in the history of the country. But they, you know, they got to get their sick little fantasies out.

You know.

I guess this is kind of blowing my mind because they're saying it was first it aired or publicized in October two thousand and three on oprah.

Win.

I wasn't in high school then, but I knew what a rainbow party was in junior high.

You knew what a rainbow party was in junior high because you were going to so many miles.

No, I just remember that was like one.

I think it's like one of those things where like someone in a book would be like, and did you hear about Richard Gear? You know, yeah, yeah, that's okay, because in my mind I was like, wait, no, the I think.

It was probably a local news story before it got to the big time of oprah, right.

B Yeah, yeah, the the chicken definitely came.

Before the egg in this version of Yeah, remember.

All right, Gary Jerry from The Golden Bachelor is there there are hit pieces being written about him. Unfortunately they are t L d R. Yeah, so we're going to wait on that. But just so you know, so you can do the book club reading of this long read about how Jerry.

Gary from The Golden Bachelor bad guy.

One thing was like like apparently, and I like, if you, if you, if you don't want spoilers spoiler alert, but when it came to the Fantasy Suites episode, he basically was like playing both women and telling them I love you and presumably spending the knowing the women.

I don't say this to anyone, but I feel crazy.

Yeah, and everyone's like, I think basically the realizations like this guy's a fuck boy. It's a total because then people were like there was an episode where he had his shirt off and like this dude has a lion head tattoo on his shoulder, Like what is going on?

And yeah, the fuck boys don't start, they don't retire, by the way, Oh well no, fine, they refined the art of fuckery.

But yeah, there's like, but apparently when he was asked about like what was going on, you know, because but in the beginning, it's like the Fantasy Suite's gonna be filled with like talking about our lives, grandkids, not like salacious stuff, and then cut to like him just like squeezing on his lady's butt. The next morning, when they asked him about what what happened, he said, it's quote, nobody's fucking business what goes on into suites.

Damn Yeah, real serious.

Yeah, so he's definitely Yeah, he's taking a bit of a villain's turn.

And I'm sure there's much more, but that was Those are sort of the top line things I gleaned from a couple of articles I looked through.

Well, love it all, right, let's take a quick break. We'll be right back, and we're back. We're back, and it is Spotify Rapped season. Shout out to all the listeners sharing your Spotify Rapped stats with us. People away by how much time you guys spend with us more than my family, who you know, chooses not to spend time with me.

Yeah, what I say about Jack, don't bum the listeners out with there crap.

Man, I just miss you guys.

If maybe, if they're just happy to be listening right now, I can just put it out there.

Guys, if you're curious, if you've made it, you know ten minutes into this episode, Like, if I could just get your stats to see how much you've listened, uh, that would be great because obviously don't get to see much anyways.

No, Taylor Swift doing really well in she won twenty twenty three Spotify rapped ending bad Butty's three year rain as the most streamed star. That's wild, three years running the most streamed person on Spotify.

Yeah, like damn.

Also, like, I mean Taylor Swift put out like what like how many albums did she put out this year?

For like three recordings? I mean, but I mean I think that along with juice in the numbers Miles, No, I mean that's what you're saying.

She's she's cheating, She's juice in the numbers, bad good Bundy. These rap stats are a goose suit, get out of here, Taylor Swift.

But yeah, I think it's I mean, I can only imagine too, like how many millions of people like who are like going to those live shows or just even the promise of it. We're blasting Taylor Swift like on repeat for fucking nine weeks straight. Do they have like actual like does she absolutely blow bad Bunny out? I'm not sure, Uh, data show Taylor Swift is the most streamed artist on Earth. Okay, she had more than twenty six point one billion streams on Spotify. That bd Bunny,

Us what the fre You guys don't be assholes about it. You know how companies like that are kg with their data. Yeah, they just said, I just like that it was it was not close. So yeah, I mean, but he did, Like the three year run is fucking incredible. Yeah, I would not have guessed that anybody would have had three years running, like maybe Drake at one point. But right the fact that bad Bunny did it, like quiet people need to put more respect on this po I guess because.

They're like people like I'm looking at like some people posting their Spotify rap and shout out to Zeigang, you know who are saying they spent eighteen thousand minutes with us and you're in the top two percent.

These people are.

Showing straight up one hundred and sixteen thousand minutes of Taylor Smith listened to That's a lot.

That's a lot, yo, or it's one song. It's only happened, just over and over again. Yeah.

Well, on the other end of the popularity spectrum, yeah, Marjorie Taylor Green dropped her book on the world.

Yeah, and it's called MTG.

It is sporting a cover that looks like it was made for a self published Amazon political thriller by an amateur graphic designer who died before he could finish the job of design. That might have actually happened, because it's just a black outline of her figure. I guess it's supposed to be like shadowy silhouette back. Yeah, American flag, but it looks like shit.

Also, why are they why do they?

It looks like presumably she's coming up onto a stage, like with like the little handlebar hand like hand.

Yeah, it looks like she just got out of a pool.

Yeah, like like take that off.

Yeah, you could have gotten rid of that. That's just using Yeah, I am here the stars, I see the bars. Yeah, no stars on the flag?

What is it like?

If this was a liberals cover like book cover, the conspiracies would be out of control.

Dude, count the count the fucking squares and see what that Okay that number spells Jeffrey Epstein.

Okay, good, Good, Good, Going, going further, further, further.

But yeah, the cover suggests that she couldn't afford her own likeness rights or like the whole thing was made in Microsoft word with.

Really good out of skills.

Yeah, but the book, which pledged to provide the inside stories about the swamp you won't hear anyone else anywhere else Good is a huge fucking flop, debuting on Amazon's bestseller list at number what nine thousand, seven hundred and thirty five.

Oh shit, that's fucking terrible.

Yeah, that's way the fuck down there.

And do the people know that she and this isn't a joke.

She has a whole chapter dedicated to talking about how she was talking about Jewish space lasers causing forest fires in California. They then they know that still and it's still at number nine thousand.

They people are not hungry for her explanation on the Jewish space lasers.

On her terrible anti semitism.

Yeah, the only publicity of the book has gotten has been pretty negative. It's from the fact that the bookstore Hudson Booksellers, has decided not to stock the book, which she and her allies claimed with censorship.

But the book company was like, no, man, no one's gonna fucking buy that.

Yeah, it's not what we're not. You can't call it censorship if the shit sucks.

Yeah, I think was the official quote.

Yeah, they said, our stores are small and our shelf space is limited, so we have to make tough decisions about our title mix, just like keeping it a shu aka. Nobody wants to see this shit, and they apparently know what they're talking about, because nobody wanted to see this shit and it has flopped horribly. It was published by Winning Team Publishing. I can't believe this is a company co founded by Donald Trump Junior reportedly printed the book

Yeah, it's like it sounds like that's what you say, Like when you're on a sports team and y'all are doing a drill where they divide your like squad up into like different bibs, they're like, all right.

Blue team, the winning team.

Okay, yeah, good guys Publishing, we're the good guys. Also, like, I didn't realize so when a politician signs a book deal, they get to keep that shit.

They don't get to keep the royalties.

No, they get the advance.

Right.

So, but what they can do is they can use political funds to.

Buy big orders of the books.

Yeah, get to get like try and boost it up into the best up the bestseller list, and then they have to like donate those proceeds to charity whatever the like royalties off those sales are. But the publisher gets to keep the royalties from those sales. Like that is still money for the publisher. So the publisher is then going to give them a bigger advance, which they get to keep because they know that this is like part of the deal they.

Get back with your pack purchases.

Yeah, it's a wild loophole that of course they're not in any hurry to close up.

But no, because it affects left and right on Capitol Hill. So don't don't don't knock their publishing hustle straight up.

They just get to donate money to themselves, essentially to their own book.

Yeah, yeah m hm. Anyways, join the winning team.

Yeah, and there are fantastic insights into our world.

There'll just be like layers of this book in garbage dumps.

Like, oh, like the et Game.

Yeah, layers and layers of people are searching.

Yeah, and uh not not a ton to go off of here, But we are getting the first reviews for Wonka in and people are surprised to find out the critics.

Actually really like it. Like the first reviews are calling it a winning.

Confection, which fuck off like you try harder as a as a raider, but also.

An instant holiday classic.

I believe it.

I mean it is by Paddingtons.

Paddington, Yeah, mister Paddington, Paul King, Paul King, Paddington, Paddington too, and Wonka. Yeah, that's a pretty good record To then be like, is this movie gonna be like okay for to watch like with everybody, It's like, yeah, so this this person's like the fucking goat of that kind of movie.

I feel like a recent memory.

It looked and it looked like it was it took place in the Paddington universe. Like this movie like had all the all the same vibes as Paddington, except they were like what if instead of adorable? There Timothy Shallomey and so that was my main thing, is like there were some moments from the trailer where I was like he seems weird in this, but people are saying his performance is great. This director, the Paddington director, like is

A winner on our hands. It's still like we're not kind of we don't.

Have the review aggregators or anything. It's just kind of drips and drabs. But people seem to be pretty pretty excited about this one.

I mean, look, look if someone's like a straight up acting nerd and you're looking at tape yeah high school plays and like identify.

Okay, do you see the high school tape? No?

No, shy dude, he was Teavy on Fiddler of the Roof.

Like yeah, then I'm like, okay, you probably got something. Maybe you have something going there.

Yeah. Yeah.

Anyways, I'm excited to take my kids to see Wanka twenty twenty three. My favorite is from uh. My favorite tweet on the Wonka reviews was from JAYL. Harris, who tweeted, They're saying Wonka twenty twenty three is good over a picture of the guy telling George W. Bush about nine to eleven?

Oh, yeah, was that a second tower hit the planes?

Yeah, the second plane has hit the tower.

Yeah, they're saying Wonka is actually good, sir. All right, those are some of the things that are trending on this Wednesday afternoon.

We are back tomorrow with a whole lass episode of the show.

Until then, be kind to each other, be kind to yourselves, get the vaccine, don't do nothing about.

White subpectancy, and we will talk to you all tomorrow.

Bye bye,