Hello the Internet, and welcome to this episode of Papal trend Clave. Hey like conclave, but trend that one courtesy of Vanadium Silver. My name is Jack. That over there is Miles. The show's gone Pope crazy like the rest of America.
You know what I'm saying, crazy, I'm crazy crazy for newly dead Pope. Hell yeah, don't they do? They beat the ship out of his head with the hammer. What isn't that the thing you gotta do, Pope hammer pata No, no, oh, it's a myth. The myth that a pope's death is confirmed by tapping his forehead with a silver hammer and calling out his baptismal name three times is not true.
Ah, that's fun though.
It's like you gotta fucking bash and be like wake up. They're like, yeah, he did.
That's a fun little thing.
Can we can we institute that for me every morning to ensure them I'm dead? Or it's not the gun lower stakes. Let's just do a farragun to the temple like the.
Gun to the dome. Although John John John, all right, so we can say that pope Mania has taken over the streaming world following the death of Pope Francis. Everybody decided to pay their respects by streaming, uh Pope, Pope, Tente, Popey content Pop. Conclave obviously just a just a meatball served up for this very purpose movie that's premise entire premises, Hey what if Pope died?
You know, it's wild. The fact that the viewing has upticked again on like streaming and rental. It's like it mirrors what the movie industry used to be, which is you had your box office like round of profit, then the video like back when there was physical tapes that were sold, then you got that next little tap, money, next pump. So many people talk about how that next bump of like the physical media revenue is gone, and like in this.
One, like Conclave, it's like, shit, bro okay, two hundred and eighty three percent on Monday, and I'm gonna say that two hundred and eighty three percent of people they're walking away satisfied.
That's a that's a fun time at the movies, despite the fact that it's about choosing a pope. You would not expect it. The other one that is doing well right now is The Two Popes, the Netflix drama that is up four hundred and seventeen percent. I mean that one. I guess it's on Netflix. It's free. But yeah, Conclave is the number one rental on iTunes, ahead of Captain America, Brave New World, and the Jason Statham movie A Working Man.
Uh, stay them Bro, stay them stays fucked. I know, Working Bro the way he's released.
I have movies since this podcast started recording.
Yeah, right, and they're all there. Actually it's a whole cinematic.
They're all hits.
Yeah. Wasn't the Borgias that that show that had Jeremy Irons. Wasn't that pope set like adjacent that show? I felt like he was always dressed in some religious shit.
Yeah, I don't know, Yeah, not familiar.
I mean, thank you, Victor. Producer. Victor came through with the confirm.
Me Sean, where my Sister act heads at, you know, back in the habit I mean it's the Catholic Church.
Might as well, God, I bring that also, bring that premise back where like an unwitting person witnesses a murder and has to go on.
The run as and disguise themselves as the Pope. I feel like that would have been the third sequel, would have been Sister act becomes the Pope.
Right, and there's Nuns on the Run. Remember Nuns on the Run.
Do you remember The Pope Must Die? Yet? There was a movie called The Pope Must Die that they had to like add a tea too so that it wouldn't offend the Pope.
But that's so lot because Robbie Coltrane was also in Nuns on the Run.
He's like, I know a good thing when I go.
He's like, look, bro I got a Catholic audience boost, you know what I mean. I just got to stay in my wheelhouse.
The Pope Must Dies premises a low ranking priest is mistakenly elected pope. So they did. They did King Ralph the Pope as I had requested. They apparently did it back in the nineties, in the early nineties, late eighties, but then for some reason, he has to avoid being assassinated by the mafia.
Repeatedly, Wow, what is this is the same? You know what the can I read you? The premise of Nuns on the Run from nineteen ninety yeah, please, set up by their boss to be knocked off. Finally, following a final heist, soon to retire crooks Brian and Charles get wind of their impending demise and run off with the spoils of their crime. Fleeing their boss the drug dealers, they rob the police and Brian's angry girlfriend and his angry girlfriend just like the just like the murders.
Which one's worse, you know what I'm saying.
Else, the two take refuge in a training convent for nuns. In disguise, they convinced Sister Superior that they're nuns, a charade they are forced to maintain as their enemies arrived. Wow, convincing nuns, convincing convince.
Interesting And then I mean we did we do have to check in with now the gambling is legal in America, we got to check in. What are the markets saying what's going to happen.
So there's there's a lot of movement on the markets. We got heavy favorites. We've got some people that are in the whisper market is saying I might be a heavy favorite right now. According to poly market, that is the most fucked up place that takes money on shit like this. There's apparently they said like three like million dollars in total volume that people are betting on the next pope. The heavy favorite is Pietro Paoline from Italy,
followed by Louis Santo Tagna. Guys, it's it's Cardinal Luis from the Philippines in number two's right, I've I've also read a headlines about how this guy from the Philippines and another cardinal from Ghana, Peter Turksen.
Peter Turksen sounds like a mid level sales rep from Milwaukee. Peter Peter Turkson.
Here calling from turks and hvac. I was wondering if your business had considered a swapping out your HVAC system. E. Just give me a call back.
You're the thinking about turks and to be the pope.
I mean, I knew that guy was an altar boy, but he's he's he's no pope. But like people are saying that this Ganaan or Filipino are being considered, not to say that they're heavy favorites, but because the Asia and Africa are the only two places where Catholicism is like growing.
Where it's like, yeah, it's cooked man times for.
Maybe for the brand, you know they do this one's this one's for the brand. I don't know, but there is the prophecy of the Pope's a book that was allegedly written a thought and years ago that says the last Pope will be named Peter the Roman and quote, who will pasture his sheep in many tribulations, And when these things are finished, the city of seven Hills will be destroyed, and the dreadful Judge will judge his people the.
End seven Hills in the valley.
No, this is a I think they're talking about Rome. Yeah, okay, I got the valleys like approach of Earth, like, we're not going anywhere.
Peter the Roman, he will be known as they really called their shot. That's what I like, the world ending prophecies that are just like too specific.
Yeah, they're like, oh here's that. You just don't name him Peter the Roman, and you've you've staved off the apocalypse, you fended it off.
He'll be named Peter the Roman, and he'll have one dog and two kiddies who live with him. Yea, they will have a.
Kitties will be called Romulus and Remiss, which is a fun, you know, fun take on the wolves.
Anyway, It's like, dude, you're just writing. You're just a failed writer.
At CB Yes, comedy sitcom that you're.
Put hey, Miles, speaking of CDs and.
Bade good time.
I do just want to talk about this sixty minute story. The EP of sixty minutes. The executive producers, like the head, the head on the editorial front of the news magazine. Sixty minutes been around for as long as either of us have been alive. It's an ancient news bastion, and it came under fire for saying mean things about Trump,
hurt Trump feelings. And now the corporation that owns them, which is Paramount at this point, is trying to merge with sky Dance, another media company, and because of the lingering lawsuit that the Trump administration has lodged against sixty minutes, like that's causing issues for them in terms of this merger.
And so oh now, like the corporate overlords at Paramount are asking for sixty Minutes to like show them any story that they have coming up about Trump, and just all sorts of journalistically problematic things, to the point that the executive producer of sixty minutes just resigned.
Yeah, and even the anchors on the CBS Nightly News, I mean, they signed off talking about it, and they get they definitely get a little bit choked up, just being like, dude, this guy's been here for yeah, uh and uh not great, don't again, do not do not obey preemptively.
Yeah, but I mean this is all you know. This is it's like the Trump administration finds the fissures in capitalism and just exploits them, which is basically like what you do as a capitalist. You like try and find the loopholes and things like that, and then you explain the money's yourn profit you want you want to emerge, you.
Want to sell CBS and make a ton of money. I can fuck and fuck all that up. So what you want to do?
I got leverage over you then yeah.
Yeah.
But it's like this administration is like a stress test for late stage capitalism, and late stage capitalism is just having massive heart attacks over and over, like like Mickey's one through sixteen. It's just dying over and over. And yeah. So I don't know, it's uh doesn't look great. But CBS, like what we're not. We're not killing any stories. We're simply asking them to share them with us so that we could give our notes to them while making a throat slashing gesture.
Or that one that Vigo Mortensen does in Eastern Promises where he goes mm hmmm. That piece sign points to both sides of his wind pipe. It's just wild that, like this is an ancient institution that has like a lot of credibility, and like they don't give up, Like this is just the thing, Like corporate media is not going to save us, right like that, this could happen to anyone at any time.
If like that, they'll always have some excuse or some reason to be like, well, we're facing economic headwinds, so we had to worry about what the Trump administration thought of us, and so we had to say for sixty minutes, Yeah.
I mean, I mean it goes hand in hands with like all the polling you see where people are just like I don't fucking care about the media. They're like I don't even know what it's saying anymore, and then fact checking goes down along with it, and like this is just just like we're seeing that play out right here. We're not really interested in facts that might upset someone who could prevent us from making more money. So let's
let's just let's just breathlessly repeat whatever they say. That's right.
Let's take a quick break. We'll be right back, and we're back. And the will they won't they?
When it comes to whether the Trump administration is going to actually creator the economy with tariffs, is it's fun. It leaves us all on the edge of our seats, and I think people are loving it.
Miles, Yeah, what's the latest plot twist?
Oh, the latest plot twist is Trump is fucking Trump and he's pump faking all the time like he's I'm gonna do this. I'm going No, I'm not. It's tempery. It's a pause. Actually, two hundred and forty five percent. I hate China. I love China. I hate Jerome Powell. A matter of fact, I love Jerome Powell. So apparently, like on Tuesday, this guy just really switched his tone up, like like some complete reversal, Like he was like, Yeah, we're gonna fucking go hard on China. We're fucking We're
not gonna let up all this other shit. First up, he basically said, like with Jerome Powell. He said, Oh, I actually never had any intentions on firing Jerome Powell, like because any first of all would have been illegal. And a lot of people are saying if he's talking about it this much, he's gearing up to fire that
fed chair and that's gonna be even worse. So I think he did that again because all the money lines were going down and people started screaming at him, and he's like, Okay, the fuck, fuck fuck, I was never gonna do it. I was never gonna do it. Then with in regards to tariffs, he basically is like, oh, yeah, tariff's on goods from China, will quote come down substantially. And then he said, quote we're going to be very nice, and they're gonna be very nice, and we'll see what happens.
So this man art of the dealed himself. He's I mean, thank I guess in a weird way, thank god that he is so consistent with his lack of backbone when it comes to a confrontation. But also fuck because he absolutely has irreversibly done damage to the economy in ways that we're still gonna we're still feeling, we're still we're starting to see more layoffs, we're seeing, like I read
this article, we'll have to talk about it. Of like one of these consultants who deal with dynamic pricing and how they they are fucking raking in the dough right now because they're going to companies and being like, dude, with all this uncertainty, people are already psychologically preparing to pay more, so you.
Can't o buddy, Yeah it's boom time.
It's that out in the open. And then yeah, with the tariff stuff, you know, he kept saying, Oh, China's gonna make a deal, They're gonna call me. They didn't, they didn't say anything. And now he's just straight up being like, all right, it's gonna come down and they're gonna be good. And there was really no smoke really ever, So now he can pretend like this wasn't a huge l but the damage has done. A lot of people said that, the heads of Walmart Home Depot and I
think maybe Target. We're telling him it's like, dude, we're gonna have these tariffs. You're gonna start seeing empty shelves, and that's I don't know, if you know, I don't know if you've seen an American person when they see empty shelves, they think they're dying. And that's probably some those are maybe optics you don't want, so we'll see. I mean, he probably bound to come back after reading headlines he's like, no, actually I.
Am, I am tough, right, Yeah, yeah, he can't because everyone for people being like that, he waffled, he caved, and yeah he has to come back and talk tough. But he's not, like apparently behind the scenes, like he doesn't like to fire people to their face, Like he's like scared of people. He's like scared of conflict. So yeah, I don't I don't know if he's built for built for it. I think he can only do these wildly unpopular things for as long as his fire wall of sickophants holds, you know.
And they're doing their job because Caroline Levitt is out here saying, oh my god, we're really working a great trade deal out with China right now. Yeah, you're like, are you? I mean every report you've heard, there was a delegation of people from the Japanese government that came to DC to be like okay, so like what do you want for, like, you know, the tariffs to come, like what what's your demand here? And the fucking Americans that they met with couldn't articulate anything.
They were like, well, wait, you we didn't think it would get this far.
That's it.
I mean, so that's a good question. Do you give us like a couple.
Months to get back to you on that, Like what are you going to.
Put some slides together? Yeah?
Like that's that's who they're dealing with. And then meanwhile, you see all these quotes like oh, yees, seventy five countries came to us to bag No they did not. Yeah, so whatever he did his thing. He's pump faking. We'll see how much more people's livelihoods are fucked with because of his mercurial nature.
All right, and finally big news. Uh, it was just announced we're getting a movie based on Toys r US. Oh the fucking store. Hell, the store is We're so this is the collaboration between Toys r US studios. Of course toys for US studios.
You can't say that you're not studios.
Well don't you remember they made that one ai Ad. I was like, this is the origin of Toys r US. It was so bad, Like the toys weren't even.
They weren't even fucking toys you could recognize.
No, they were just yeah, it was like some like a ball and a but then like just a bunch of like shapes and colors and shit. Anyways, that's their previous work. And then the company behind the Sonic the Hedgehog movie. So I feel like a lot of in lieu of like being able to make movies anymore. Yeah, like a lot of people are just like making deals that with people who will like pay them a lot
of money. And so in this case, they're like, yeah, toys r us, They'll throw away a shitload of money apparently not to like build a toy store, but to make something that's being described as a movie in the vein of Night at the Museum, Back to the Future and Big. So I guess the toys will come to life and there will be some kind of supernatural sex crime.
Yeah, like where you try to hook up with it, your mom tries to hook up with you, but yeah, you're the hotter, older version of yourself, right right, You're no longer Josh Baskin. And then it's a plus other successful toy inspired narratives like Jumanji and Barbie.
They're just being like, yeah, any anything, Well, sure.
You watch the studio. Have you watched the studio yet?
I haven't watched the studio yet.
This is like, literally, what's happening in the studio, and in the certain episodes where seth Rogen has to make the make kool Aid.
Right, that's the premise of like he is the head of a studio and they're demanding that he make the kool Aid movie right.
And then Brian Cranston is like the corporate overlord of the studio who has not a creative bone in his body and is like hell bent on this kool Aid thing. And the way this r Us movie is described feels like the way he would say to the Brian Cranston character, and he would be like, this is genius, dude. You're saying it's Night at the Museum, Back to the Future big with Jumanji and Barbie.
Yeah.
Fuck yeah.
At least the kool Aid man has like a it's a character, you know, Jeffrey the Giraffe is a mascot yeah for toys. R Us like he has no characteristics. He's just like kind of vacant. I guess he's If I had to compare him to anything, I guess it would be Barney, right, Like he has like Barney vibes, just like yeah, because sort of lebotomized friendly.
Yeah, he's barely sentient.
Yeah, yeah, Barney definitely has more. Riz Brian the editor pointed out Kool aid Man definitely, like so the thing that is being set like that they're using as satire to be like, could you imagine if they tried to make this into a movie is actually has sturdier legs than this project that was just announced because the koolaid Man at least has like a person out where he's just like, oh yeah, he's happy and breaking through walls like that fucking rules.
Yeah yeah, until his daughter, who can't break through walls, is the only character that can save him, to prove that she's strong enough to break through a wall.
It's so part of me is like I don't know, like the idea of a toy store like it should should exist. Toy stores should exist in America. They don't currently other than like in you know, small private toy
stores here and there. And they're also apparently working on a reality competition for families set in larger than life toy stores where like they have to like compete and do very I don't know, it's god, I could see that one, Like if there's like a reality competition, like a mister b style reality competition set in like a massive like Fao Schwartz from big style toy store like super introducing people to the concept of toy stores in a way that is like easy to watch. I could
see that actually accomplishing what they're looking for. But like a movie where you like get trapped overnight in a toy store that comes to life and also go back in time. I don't know. And also Toys r Us is kind of like a shitty company, Like they they were the original Walmart in the toy industry, Like they came through put a bunch of like mom and pop toy stores out of business using sheer scale and then also made it impossible for like Mattel and like toy companies.
They were just like, well, now we own you. Like if we don't buy your toys, you're fucked. We are so big Texas buying school books. Yeah, they just basically got a monopoly on They call it the first quote category killer, a company that so completely dominates its retail category that.
It drives all of it competition two ruins.
It's also like the name, like the name is like Toys are Us is just like the first thought that you would come up with for what do.
You guys do where toys are us?
Uh?
Huh okay?
Is it like did was there some pitch where they're they were like, and people always go in and go you guys are you guys toys? No, toys are us?
Toys are in many ways toys are.
Like I'm like, I'm even trying to understand, like what in what world that way of having it is that based on something? Was there something are us?
Yeah? I don't know. It just seems like it's like a it would be the distributor that like ships toys to the actual toy stores because it's just so like, I don't know, Grote Toys r Us. You come here, you get toys.
Wow. You know what the original name of Toys r Us was was that it's not great Children's bargain Town.
Pretty good.
I love mom taking the Children's Bargain Town.
We've got a lively chat happening in the group chat pitching the Magic Bullet Blender movie, maybe the Ninja Magic Bullet. Superducer Bae is pitching oh because.
That was yeah yeah, or the Ninja Barista Deluxe movie Nja v.
Magic Bullet, where like it's the Magic Bullet from the JFK assassination. I always bring it back, baby? Is that what they is? That what they named it after, because because I don't know what is a magic bullet, Otherwise I feel like they were coasting off the.
I guess silver bullet we use colloquially, right, and that's that, like as an efficient solve solution to a thing. But yeah, I wonder.
Blender will remind you of the magic bullet that entered and exited Kennedy three times. With that sufficiency, what can't it do much like that magic bullet?
Yeah, I don't think there. Yeah, then because there was the neutral bullet before. This is also the history of this ship is too much for me to keep up with. Whatever. I hope, I hope you were just a big JFK fan.
Yeah, all right, those are some of the things that'd be amazing if we found out the magic bullet Blender was actually released with Oliverstone's JFK movie as like a tie in promotional tie in, like wh.
Yeah, people used to do like shit with Taco Bell.
Yeah yeah, like the demolition Man Taco Bell.
Deal, Godzilla Taco Bell deals. Bro, if you got the z spull in Godzilla, you want a million dollars.
That's right, all right. Those are some of the things that are trending on this Wednesday afternoon. We are back tomorrow with a whole last episode of the show. Until then, be kind to each other, be kind to yourselves, get your vaccines while you still can get your flu shots. Don't do nothing about white supremacy, and we will talk to y'all tomorrow. Bye, by yeah,