Hello the Internet, and welcome to this episode of Final Destination trend blood Zites.
Which one of us will die by the end of the other.
Pros all of us. If I if I had to guess based on that dang movie that I think just came out, we were having a lively discussion to producer Victor was doing his best not to spoil it, but like, did you.
See the the promo for it, the trailer.
No, there's a promo truck with logs on the back.
Oh yeah, yeah, I did see that.
I was driving her.
I'm like, that's literally what our entire generation thinks whenever we were behind a truck.
But it's so funny, Like, please, my name is Jacko. Brian That over there is my co host for today.
Paul Miles is never coming back.
She killed Miles in a roundabout way. You put a final destination on Key and all of us.
And yeah, and also like also the Saw movies also at the same time.
Kind of added on a hat. But you needed to.
Get the tricycle part because I thought it was cute, you know.
All right, Well, this is the episode where we tell some people what is trending on this Wednesday, May twenty. First this afternoon, let's see TikTok has reinvented soup. Uh is one way to read this story. Super producer Victor linked.
Super producer producer Victor linked true to this video on TikTok where it says, pov, you started water based cooking, and now your skin is clear, your stomach is thriving, and you recover from illness overnight.
Holy shit, to.
Be fair, it's like water based, Like it's based.
You know what I mean.
And then like that text is over a series of pictures of soups being cooked and then vegetables being steamed, which it's.
Do you think the skin is just getting better because like their face is over steamed. They're just getting They're just getting like a spa treatment. You know.
It's like I I think all of the things that they're showing look delicious and healthy. So I'm not here to say this is a bad This isn't like one of the bad ones where you know people are like I eat a little bit of plastic every day and it's.
You're getting This is why I also don't mind like the Stanley cup water thing.
I'm like, as long as.
You're drinking water, and eating your veggies kids, you know.
Yeah, I also don't mind the the crispy diet coke thing where they just have like a really nicely refrigerated diet coke. Now that is poison, but I just like that it's not like and if you drink five diet cokes you'll never die gone. They're just really a lot of loving attention lavished on the experience of having a
single die cook. But yeah, this just seems like, I don't know, taking centuries old recipes and cooking techniques and turning it into a viral trend by being like hot water based water based cooking.
This is like when like white people discovered turmeric and like, right, we were like why were our fingers stained for centuries for you to just find this out?
That's right. We love rediscovering things and being like pov, you've just invented a new type of cooking.
We need to, like, I think, instead of trying to like do a revolution or like do things through a system where we legislate human rights, I think we need to distract white people with like Easter eggs and like constantly help them, like think like they're discovering new things, you know, just be like, Oh my god, good job. It's America. Oh my god, water based cooking.
Good job.
If that were happening right now, I'm I'm not sure I'd be able to distinguish it from what from our current timeline, because I feel like I feel like white people love being online and on TikTok looking for little Easter eggs and clues that have been left for them by the powers that be. Mister Beast is hot now. It seems like he went to the same person as Mark Zuckerberg hot all dating brick.
I guess when he got jacked or whatever.
Yeah, yeah, he just or like Matt right, is that the Matt rife? Is that the guys who the comedian who has like a jaw implants feels like mister got.
Like, oh oh, it's like classic yeah, or Mullaney mullaney too. Oh my god, Well, Mullenie's jaw has changed.
Interesting.
Don't parasocial get mad at me, audience. Okay, his jaw looks different.
I have seen that online, but I didn't. I guess I didn't notice that. I thought it was god.
Mister Bee's face looks crazy.
Good, crazy good. Sorry, he looks.
His facial hair looks like the Tiger King he does.
It could be that he's just accentuating his jawline with a little uh beard, you know what I mean. That's a.
No, his face is different.
Also Leah Sampson, a good friend of mine who's hilarious comedian, lives in New York. The first comment under this complex post is what half white, half black woman is responsible for this?
She posted underneath.
Also, oh, Michael B.
Jordan has done. He's gotten his graphics, like we all need pointing out.
Yeah, we don't. We don't mind it. Sometimes sometimes you're allowed to have your jaw redone.
Yeah, he totally like he didn't have a chin before, and then now he.
Has The Wire. He's plays a character who goes missing and uh it's one of the more heartbreaking moments in The Wire. Yeah, and he did not have a chin back then.
I think by the time he was on like Parenthood, he had a chin.
Oh yeah, yeah great.
But I don't know.
Men can get gender firming care. That's fine. That's I'm fine with that, you know, if they feel better about themselves. I just don't think mister Beast is hot.
Now.
I don't think this hot now it's official. Find a new angle.
Is he on the what is what chocolate? Does he sell beast treats or whatever?
The fuck? What the beast treats? I thought it was just like mister beast Chocolate. I didn't know that it had a name that made you feel like a dog.
I don't think they. I think I made that up.
But hire me for branding beastables, crustables and Beastables.
Yeah, I don't think he's hot. Now I'm sorry.
Next question, No further questions, your honor. Uh. Trump is quiet, making it impossible to get COVID boosters for most Americans, essentially despite the fact that he has tried to take credit for the COVID vaccine roll out, calling it one of the greatest miracles of the ages. He is also you know, he knows that his base does not like COVID and does not like to does not like the VEA.
They like COVID, they love COVID.
They can't get anough of it. They did not like the vaccine, and so he is doing what the people want. And you know, with the help of RFK, the government had previously recommended seasonal vaccines for all Americans six months and older, and now they have announced their direction going forward, which will be only given to adults sixty five and older, as well as children and younger adults with at least one high risk health problem.
Everyone else is going to get injected with COVID.
That's right. You do have to come in and get injected.
Objective yet injected. You have that, you're gonna have a card, it'll say, here's COVID.
One immediate blatant problem with this change is that the FDA didn't offer any intention to establish carve outs for caregivers of people who still qualify for COVID vaccines under its new rules, which would be smart. It just it feels like they give everything the level of thought that a Hollywood screenwriter would, where it's just like, we're gonna, we're gonna make this change because it's going to look like this to people who aren't really paying attention and moving on.
We you know, it's almost worse because Hollywood screenwriters have to answer to their fucking nerd fans, and Trump has to answer to like the press, the White House Press Corps, which are now people that are.
Like, hey, Trump, I heard your dick is good.
Like.
How is you dick so good, Like that's the extent that they ask him Bush.
Now, that's a really good question that a lot of people are asking. My dick is great. They're saying it's one of the great dicks of the ages, miracles of the ages.
Sure if you heard that it needs a boot, it doesn't need a booster.
Okay, yeah, but a lot of people are pointing, uh, pushing back on this and saying, you know, you have to make allowances for people who are going to be you know, caregivers for.
This, so to COVID potentially, well, I'm sure.
The Trump administration will be quick to respond to that. Aka, just ignore the shit out of it. Have you seen Tom Cruise eating popcorn of late?
I've heard so many things about Tom Cruise and popcorn. I've seen like random I'm like, why is he going to have a popcorn line? Like why am I seeing? There was one where he was walking a stage and he pointed out that somebody had already eaten their popcorn before the movie.
There's walking off over.
Popcorn to AMC employees.
And now we've seen what it looks like as he's eat popcorn and he's like basically throwing fastball, Like each piece of popcorn he's like throwing into his mouth.
He does his own stunt ferocity.
It's kind of wild.
Do you have Can you imagine Tom Cruise being normal in any situation?
No, exactly, It's it is such a nightmare to like have somebody point out how quickly you've eaten your popcorn. I always finish my popcorn way too fast, and like I go in with intention being like I'm not going to finish my popcorn. I'm gonna finish this popcorn is going to be here at the like act too, you know, like as as we're heading into act three, I'll be polishing this bad boy off. I'm gonna do a thing where I eat the top half with my drink and
then the bottom half I mix it. I'm sure, sour patch kit, I got.
Two things of popcorn, one for the pre movie, for the maybe another third one for after I go double handed and my mouth at the same time, scoop.
Double handed and your messages, all of.
It in as fast as possible inhal you know, like one of the worms from Dune, just just gobbling it up.
It's all over my face.
After I can't look anyone in the eye, and that's how you.
Enjoy a movie.
It is like as people are making fun of Tom Cruise for how he eats popcorn, and it is strange.
I do a thing about him, though.
Everybody like I when I eat popcorn, I look insane, ridiculous. Yeah, I'm like, oh, just like shoving it into my mouth.
The theater is dark.
It's not to watch the movie better, it's to eat your popcorn and shame.
There's no like you know, it's the opposite of a Rese's there's that reces ad campaign. There's no wrong way to eat a reces There's no right way to eat popcorn. It's just always bad. I feel like I'm when I put it in my mouth. My wife is My wife is like, what are you? Why do you eat it like that? And I just ask her to, you know, kindly turn around and not look at me. I'm hideous. But it is such a Tom Cruise way to eat popcorn,
just like he I have seen. It's like, have you ever seen somebody who like pops cashews or like peanuts into their mouth. It's like kind of it's like an upward toss into the mouth.
It's very like I'm an alpha male. I'm making the business deals here.
Yeah yeah, yeah.
But every popcorn thing and it's just so high risk, high reward, which is how Tom Cruise lives his life. But yeah, I would try that, and if I got like three in a row, I would feel like I was on the top of the on top of the world. Yeah, I would be like taking out my eye like I would.
It would be Jack doesn't do his own popcorn.
I don't. I need somebody to step in for me. Yeah, because it's not like throwing it up and catching it in your mouth where it's like a nice lazy arc. It's just an upward fastball.
I don't have the patience to wait for it to fall down. I need it in my mouth faster. Also, I think the other surprising thing is that Tom Cruise eats popcorn, which like I'm like, what, I would think he would eat some sort of gray goo, you know.
Yeah, I think it's gray go. And then I mean it is one thing that is still impossibly movie star slash scientology like hyperbaric chamber of him is eating the popcorn one piece at a time. Is like who has that restraint? You know?
Yeah, I'm like that's that would be a bigger stunt for me than learning how to ride a motorcycle.
Offic club. I'm like, yeah, yeah, I got it.
Whatever, But I'm like the popcorn, I can't wait. They're like, oh, cut, go again.
God, the people behind me would be getting pelted with so many individual pieces of popcorn, because I'd also be like in a panic to get more popcorn and off sweating. You know, let's take a quick break and we'll be right back breaking with me. I don't know. We're just gonna have a normal adult conversation in a public place, just because I think it's going to go so well that I want other people to see how well it's not all right?
Cool?
And we're back. And for some reason, during the break, we started talking about Clint Eastwood movies, because that's like, that is like an alpha move of throwing popcorn, and it feels like east Wood. I feel like it's a little too much work for Eastwood. Like Eastwood would eat a single kernel at a time, but like kind of suspiciously.
And but that's why his eyes are so squinty all the time. He started to get popcorn in them.
Yeah, just like one at a time and kind of like without joy.
Yeahcorn with him randomly Yeah, yeah, like such one dimensional female characters where they're like I hate you and then all of it, all of a.
Sudden it turns into like lust when you want.
To Secretly everybody wants to have sex with Clint Eastwood no matter how old they are and how old he is.
I know, I was like, like I could I watched his movies because I like missed them or what like they weren't in my zeitgeist, and so I was like, oh, I should watch these as an adult to see what the like cultural references. And it's literally just like Clint Eastwood writing scripts of what he thinks is cool from like probably when he was like a teen, you know.
Yeah, and also he like just can't stop having kids, so it might not be that dissimilar from what.
Oh really is he like that too?
Yeah? Yeah, he just like walks into There's a very funny podcast, The Action Boys, that covers Clint Eastwood movies a lot, and they talk about how his sperm is like airborne. You just like get in the same room with them and like you be come pregnant.
How many kids does he have?
He is eight? But like he's still having them like with people ninety.
Yeah ew ew.
And he's married. He's been married like five times.
Yeah yeah. Gross.
At least it says children at least.
Eight, at least eight that we know.
There's no way to know.
He's had numerous casual and series okay, yeah, many of which have overlapped.
Gross.
This man will sit on any any woman and chairs and any chairs at a Republican national conference.
That's right, all right. There is a new survey that The Guardian is covering that finds that almost half of young people would prefer a world without internet. This is a UK study that has found that nearly seventy percent of sixteen to twenty one year olds feel worse about themselves after spending time on social media, and half would support a digital curfew that would restrict their access to
certain apps and sites past ten pm. Forty six percent said they would rather be young in a world without the Internet altogether.
I'm going to be honest, it was fun growing up with limited access to the internet. Like I had fun, I went outside. I'm not necessarily saying it's better because I wouldn't know that experience, but like I was just thinking about all the crazy shit we did as kids, and how it was like real interactive social stuff and it was hard, like there was bullying and whatever, but like we came up we made our own fun.
We were like tepeeing houses.
And shit, you know, yeah, we will.
Do that anymore. Do they do they do tp houses?
Well, we have talked about how the two things that have faced massive shortages are toilet paper and eggs, the two things that we used to throw at people's houses.
Shit.
So yeah, damn, these kids are growing up in a struggle.
I never used to know.
It's been bad for quietly retaliated against nemeses in middle school.
There was also like a thing recently where they talked about how people like our phones like tracked how many selfies we would delete and then try to advertise like beauty products to us.
Like yeah that makes sense, isn't that a thing?
Yeah?
Yeah, Like that's so gross. It's like they're literally squeezing us for everything. And these are like kids like teens, you know.
Yeah, and if your phone is just like subtly suggesting to you that you need to fix the way you look, like that can't be good.
When you're a teenager. You need skincare.
I'm like, this is crazy, it's yeah, and it feels I do really feel like it's taken away a big chunk of people's free will and that we're in a much worse place than we realize. When it comes to the amount of time, a quarter of respondents spent four more hours a day on social media. Forty two percent of those surveyed admitted to lying to their parents and guardians about what they do online, and while I'm forty two percent said that they had lied about their age.
Forty percent admitted to having a decoy or burner account. I mean that stuff all seems pretty harmless. Uh. Twenty seven percent said they pretend to be a different person completely.
They're like, no, mom, I'm just jacking off in here. I'm not looking at things to consume. I swear to God, I swear to God, I'm just jerking it. I'm just jerking it to the friend of yours. But I'm not trying to buy more shit, I promise.
It. Yeah. I just I think boredom is underrated, you know. I think like having to make your own fun and just like come up with shit and not always have an option that is going to distract you and occupy your brain with something that has been like market tested to divert you and give you an idea that like steers you towards consumption. Like I feel like in a very obvious way that is it would be preferable to not exist online.
Yeah, I mean, I like it is good for like being aware of like political issues and like if you can get outside of your bubble, which a lot of people can't online. But I also feel like there's not enough like interaction with like human beings when you're trying to like solve a problem for like critical thinking, Like it used to be we have a question and you'd be like, well, do you think it's this or that?
And like we wouldn't immediately go to our phones.
Right, but we're kind of what is it called like offloading or substituting outsourcing outsourcing, Yeah, logic to like AI or whatever. Yeah, so even even now, like yeah, you can look it up, but do you know like the sources correct. I don't even think we have necessarily the talk it out skills that we used to.
You know, I definitely don't have the talk it out skills that I used to have. I'm fortunately just have an AI script writer that writes everything that I say, so in your brain, in my brain.
Yeah, and planning and in black situation.
That's the one place that I trust Elon Musk. I think he's off base on a lot of stuff, but I do trust him to implanting a chip into my brain to help me google things in my brain.
Here's a crazy thing. I don't know if this is bad to say, but I went to college with someone who's like third in line at Neuralink.
Wow, in line, like in the leadership, in line to get the thing put no, no.
No in leader like he's at he's been at the company since we like graduated.
Wow.
Yeah.
So I'm like, I'm I'm very curious, like what the internal because a lot of like, like I worked on neural probes in my Masters and the idea was to implant a probe to help a prosthetic move by you thinking right, so like amputees and stuff. But like with Neuralink, I'm like, what else are they doing up there? And then like because initially when it came out, I was like, Oh,
that's cool. They're like trying to do a similar thing, you know, assist people who have don't have like access to movement or whatever.
Yeah, but it's tough.
Yeah, I feel like that. Do you know back in the days when before all tech had just like gone down this like a dark fascist libertarian directions optimized, Yeah, I was like optimistic. I was like, that's cool, Like it's going to be enable us to like create new senses. Like it not just like helps people who have lost certain senses, but like, you know, it could enable us to like have feeds that like enable us you.
Know, biomimicry stuff like that.
Yeah. So suddenly like you're just trailed by a drone that gives you like a bird's eye view of everything around you and it's like goes directly into your brain or like something. You know, that stuff all seemed like cool, and now it just feels like, no, they'd find a way to like fuck with you that.
They monitor your head.
Yeah, yeah, exactly. And speaking of monetization, Trump's pick to head the IRS, Billy Long is it's just like I don't I don't even note, Like I guess I just feel like we have to keep talking about this shit because it's so openly corrupt. But he is somebody who like has told business executives like that he's going to give them tax breaks, like they're just he's like, they're like, yeah,
I mean this is gonna be great. He's like making sure that we never like he's giving them these passes that are basically like I'm audit proof because of this guy who and like the way they're like talking about they're just speaking openly on these like recorded zoom calls and just being like, yeah, it's pretty crazy. Uh. I call up one of my friends and I say, Hey, the IRS Commissioner Billy Long, the new one coming in that we're all excited about. Is Billy coming too the inauguration?
My friend says, well, he doesn't have a ticket. He's not because he's not confirmed yet. And I said, well, make him my guest. And then he goes on to say they had one dinner, spent a few nights together, and.
That he it was a whirlwind romance.
What yeah, exactly. And then he said that he was told that his company companies would no longer have to worry about IRS scrutiny on like certain subjects because like specifically these employee retention tax credits, which the IRS was thinking about shutting down the quote. Is he actually pushed erc the employee retention credits? Is that not a blessing?
We could be worried about promoter audits now, we could be worried about anything with the old administration, but Billy actually is now taking over and we don't have to worry about that stuff.
So it's just like the rich have nothing to fear but fear itself.
Yes, exactly, like literally, and we don't even have to fear fear itself because we have all the good pharmaceuticals.
Yeah, that's true.
Like in this meeting, he's like I had to tell the guy, please take your sales hat off and put your IRS commissioner hat on.
That insane dude, Like you're not trying.
To sell me anything. You're you're the IRS commissioner. You can't be like constantly like trying to win my business as the IRS commissioner.
That's so crazy.
That's so crazy that people think self regulation would ever work, like exactly.
Anyways, good world that we have here, Paula. The always a pleasure having you. Where can people find you? Follow you? All that good stuff?
Dallas, Sunday May twenty fifth, nine pm, Dallas Comedy Club.
Please come out.
Please tell everybody please buy tickets. If you come out, I will say hi after the show and me at Paula Veganolan p A l A v I g U n A l A N. I also run a show at the Comedy Store monthly called Facial Recognition Comedy with my friends. We had bought some usufon on Friday, which is crazy. Yeah, he's so sweet, so smart and so fun. But yeah, I don't know if we're gonna have a June show, but we are gonna have a July show, so come through.
The shows are always so great. Everybody should be going monthly. And please, if you're in Dallas, zeigang pull up show Polly's Love. That is going to do it for us this afternoon. We are back tomorrow with a whole last episode of the show. Until then, be kind to each other, be kind to yourselves. Get your vaccines while you still can goward them. Yeah for real, so go get your flu shots. Don't do nothing about white supremacy, and we will talk to y'all tomorrow. Bye bye bye.
The Daily Zeit Guys is executive produced by Catherine.
Law, co produced by Bae Wayne, co produced by Victor Wright
Co written by j M McNabb and edited and engineered by Brian Jefferies.