Oh you thought, Oh what I thought? Shit breaking guilty. Y'all got to feel me. Oh man, we've got six We are recording this as the verdict came in. He is guilty on the first sixteen, first nineteen guilty guilty. Oh all right, all.
Thirty four, baby yo, he got that three four autumn like Peyton.
Oh gosh, three four like Peyton. Wow. Okay, so I don't know what this means, but he is, lady and gentlemen, the first American president was a convicted fellow, and the second because he's about to win the presidency too. But yeah, that's true. Least we can say. The latest updates from the courtroom. Maggie Haberman. The courtroom is extremely tense as we wait for the jurors to be brought in. Trump is sitting very still, his head slightly tilted to the right,
back into the left like a golf commentator. Wow, that's what we knew was true. Tell me about the sentencing.
What's door number one, Judge Mrshan Please, that's what's next.
This this all happened like we've stopped recording, and then immediately they were like verdict. Oh, so sh okay, here we are.
And For the record, I don't listen to guilty until proven innocent. Jay Z featuring r Kelly just releisurely that I'm ready to go. Yeah, that is. That's one of the worst things to happen, I would yo. I mean even best of both worlds.
You got to get rid of that ship. Bro. Yeah, like that, there's not there we're missing. Yeah, he has a song out there where he is with our on trial and you're they're not guilty. Yeah. Wow. Anyway, but all that to say is Donald Trump, uh convicted fell in and there's a there's a victory song Trump not guilty that we're never going to get to hear. He had it ready to go. He had like a Super Bowl shuffle style video to go. We have to change it to Donald J. Trump guilty.
There it is, But again, I don't know what satisfaction this truly brings anyone unless there's actual fucking repercussions, and in that I don't think jail is a thing. So he's just gonna campaign on this is my prediction.
Yeah, yeah, no, he's gonna try and may I mean the way that The New York Times is like written about it, like he's like kind of playing up like how he's a bad boy. Uh, you know this is like the imagery. Yeah, you're gonna get this is as good as it's gonna feel, folks, And it is.
I'm not gonna pretty good. This is the one part I'm using the cope. It's from someone that is inside the courthouse. Jonah Bromwich is saying Trump is unresponsive, sitting slack at the defense table. Another person who's reporting the court I said, quote, he is largely expressionless, a gloom look on his face.
As guilty, has just been sleepy. This is not fair to do someone the norm. What if he was asleep, they had to wake him up and tell him, hey, fucker, wake up. Not guilty, Kelly, not guilty. No, no, motherfucker, you're guilty on a whole thirty four charges. Yeah. So yeah, as we talked about earlier in the week, like the New York State Court particularly gives broad latitude to the judge on when he delivers sentencing. What that sentencing looks like.
This judge in particular has you know, a lot of the coverage has been like he's going to send Trump to jail for this gag order thing, and then that doesn't happen in like some of his statements specifically have been like, the last thing I want to do is send you to jail, sir. You are you know you're running for president? Uh and that would be a first.
So for these kinds of cases too, like they were saying like nine out of ten times that people don't see jail, right like in in most circumstances see jail.
So he might be on like probation uttle little house, little housey a campaign to run, right. So, I don't know, it is very interesting. This is definitely the more interesting direction for things to go. It is a it is a conviction. So it's a conviction. That's something. Now now what though? So I don't know, I feel happy just generally, no no downside to this as far as I can see. Somebody who did a thing got caught doing the thing.
I guess the one downside is, like you said, if he's able to turn this into like, uh, I can't be stopped. I'm like, help me defeat them, or they're gonna throw me in jail. Yeah, I don't know.
I mean, it's that's that's pretty much all it's gonna be. He's gonna have to turn the victim machine up to fucking fourteen or thirty four in this case to get people.
To be like, oh, Mike, they've been there doing to.
Him, because if he was acquitted, it's teflon Dawn all over again. But this time it's we're gonna have to go full victim mode.
Yeah, And as we've talked about, like a lot of his followers are like, I'm just gonna vote harder. So yeah, I don't know, maybe it just divides the nation further, but uh, it feels good on the in the first moments to see Tony tone right there. Uh huh, okay, feels good to see a wealthy person who has made a career of intimidating people in legal context and just avoiding consequences with It's good to see him get convicted of a felony. I don't, Yeah, but not at all.
But what I don't know, Like that's it's just like now I'm just bracing myself for how this is transformed into some fucking wacky shit now for him, because it's not could you imagine if he like did like he's like, well, I guess I'm a bad guy.
Folks did a lot of thinking, and I really took an l on that one. I don't want anything to do with with myself anymore.
It's not it's gonna freak out and there's gonna be all kinds of fun.
There's gonna be some wacky responses from from the base.
But it's now the latest from Kate Christobek, who's in the courthouse.
Quote, Trump slowly stands up.
As the jurors exit with a frown on his face. He does not look at the jury as they leave, his eyes downcast.
Buddy, because he just really needs a nap. Yeah, but yeah, we're now okay, Yeah. His lawyer is streaming, is screaming. Yeah, he's Todd Blanche's lawyer.
Quote is arguing with the jurors gone that the verdict is improper and should be tossed because it relied on Michael Cohen's testimony, who's also convicted criminal.
Basically blah blah blah blah blah. Yeah, oh well so is your boy, so I'll have something in common hey anyway, all right, So that's uh, that's the up to the latest moment report guilty. And then we also have a not unrelated trends coming at you momentarily. Yeah, but yeah, I wanted to. I wanted to let you know in case you in case you missed this, In case you.
Missed it, yep, yeah, in case, in case your step mom hasn't texted you saying.
They convicted Donald got him Trial of the cent dream got his butt. All right, y'all happy Trump is guilty of a felon knee conviction. Den bye, putting the n y and felony. That's right, Hello the Internet, and welcome to this episode of Democracy thighs in the Plumpness. That's courtesy a Locaroni on the Discord. On the Discord, a little play on democracy dies in darkness. Democracy thighs in the plumpness. I'm Jack, that is Miles. We were both
plump legged fellows. I'm gonna get a like tattoo, are you? Yeah? Is that new? No? You make that decision just now when I said that we have plump legs. Yeah. I just wanted to add something. You're gonna get democracy, No, I'm gonna get it. I'm gonna get a tattoo for my baby son. Hey.
And another thing that Her Majesty and I saw that were kind of like, oh, we could do something not necessarily matching, but like a echo echoing.
I really wanted one on my leg.
Ayeah, although doing that sort of seals my fate in terms of bathing in a Japanese onsend like a public bath because it's just like it's just such a stupid dated taboo.
That's like, yeah, they don't with it.
Yeah, they'll ask you to cover it. Sometimes they put a little sticker on it. Like I had a homegrow head a full sleeve and they're like, can you cover it?
She's like, with fucking what? You your arm behind your back? Yeah exactly.
It's gonna freak people out, but I think i'ma have to do it. I'm have to I'm gonna have to do it to him. I'm gonna have to do it to him.
My brother in law is a really cool, like uh kind of cracking eight crack any thing on his leg. A lot of people see some cool leg tattoos, some cool leg.
I'm getting up on the thigh like it's not gonna be a like a like a quad ankle up type thing, Like it's gonna previleged. Yeah, you know, when I'm feeling cheeky with the thighs let him out you know what I mean.
Yeah, iron him out. You know what I mean? I look like John Wayne on vaking. Let him out, Let him out? All right? Well I am Jack. That is miles. These are the things that are trending on Thursday. No, wow, they're gonna go What if I just went full the guy for is his name? Fred Marvel to release yet another fucking ball popcorn buckets. It's the fucking best.
Honestly, the Fred Schneider voice is the it's the most fun way of talking about some SERI.
Yes, shit, I know nothing about rhymed about it with about and you can get away with it in that voice. Called it a a rhyme that's ab or whatever. I'm not a poet. Fuck it all right. Marvel is on it. They are on trend. There's nothing like did you see the thing recently? There are like coke cans with Marvel characters on them, like just printed on them. Yeah, it's like an ad campaign where it's like various Marvel superheroes
are on coke cans. And it just felt like I was time traveling to like, yeah, five to ten years ago. It was like wait, so like they're not even releasing movies with these characters. It feels like but like what, Oh, it's like it's on a can. Yeah, it's just on a can. It's like collect all of the Marvel superheroes that you love, and it just felt so off trend, just like behind the times. Oh yeah, what the fuck
is this? Yeah, it doesn't it feel old? Like doesn't it feel like something from anywhere from five to like twenty years ago?
No, this is literally I would say, what twenty five years ago when PEPSI did the episode one Phantomnace Collector Cans, I remember, I had all those shits. Yeah, And it's like also like the characters, like the execution, like the ad like feels weird where it's like somebody drinking a coke and then like a collector cans so long and
collector of bottles to remember glass. I remember in the ninety four World Cup there were different bottles with the flag teams playing in the World Cup you could get but.
Making a comeback, like I don't I don't mind them trying that, but there's just like something about Marvel doing it that feels like, yeah, no, this is not who you are anymore, Like yeah, yeah, we haven't heard much from you and then you're like, what about what if we were on your coke pan? What about iron Man? Can? There you go iron Can All right? Anyways, they are, but that is to contrast with this, where they are perfectly on point. They have made a actually this will
probably go over. Like the Dude Winner, the Dune popcorn bucket that everybody wanted to fuck was kind of popular because it seemed unintentional or like vaguely unintentional, like it was too gruesome for you to get your mind around the idea that like they were intentionally doing it right. This one, however, I mean, it's associated with Deadpool versus Wolverine coming out soon, and we know Deadpool is a twisted fucker, so I don't I don't doubt that he
came up with this idea. But Wolverine just has his mouth wide open like an exaggerated sex doll, and it's like there's a little tongue at the bottom of it.
If you want to know what Logan's mouth do, you can find out with this bucket. Yes, people are going to be gargling their scrotums in this book. I can already see it because it has a tongue in everything.
It has a tongue. The tongue is like weird trailer for the bucket features like there, there's like a trailer, like a little video that got released. The Fable bucket
trailer features popcorns suggestively filling Wolverine's mouth again. And yeah, I mean Kevin Figy hinted that they would design a popcorn bucket in March, back when everyone was talking about the Dune popcorn bucket, And I don't know, it just feels like like they two months ago it was parodied on SNL, So right now it feels like, all right, it.
Doesn't matter, you know what I mean, because basically what they know is that they can create a consumable good that people are going to spend money on Talca It's like yeah, yeah, but I mean, like if you're a Dune fan, like I know, like I know someone who bought one secondary market to get that Dune fuck bucket because they're so like all Dune shit. So I'm sure someone who's had a fantasy about WEAPONAX tea baggging Weapon X will buy this too.
Naturally, that you can go on eBay and buy a Dune fuck popcorn bucket, I think is what they call it an eBay listic get that with a big thing of lubriderm for one hundred and thirty five dollars. But yeah, this this one feels just a little bit needy. Yeah yeah, I mean.
I'm shocked that they're like, how do we make more money?
Needy in the sense that my body needs it. My body is calling, yeah, to turn this thing into a wonderland, all right. The Wall Street Journal I just took note, starting to think that maybe this private equity thing not the best idea in the world. Yeah. Yeah.
The headline you can thank private equity for that enormous doctor's bill is very very I mean, we're worried about people's medical costs.
Yeah, just like I mean, they're basically just saying what we've been saying for a year straight.
That yeah, thanks what thanks for fucking drafting behind us again.
It does seem like people are just like slowly wanted at a time figuring this out, reporting it, but then like nothing really gets done about it. They talk about how like a private equity company in one instance in Texas like bought up all the anesthesiology practices and then that allowed them to hike up prices, and they're in
a competition, what if there was no competition? And then when people tried to sue the private equity company, a Texas judge threw it out because obviously they are designed to be unsuable because they are like these weird, like legal conglomeration things that just insert themselves into capitalism and function purely as a parasite.
Yeah, it's organizationally a labyrinthine shell game where they're like.
Oh, I don't know who you can sue.
To be honest, I mean, I know we are that private equity company, but like, yeah, it's actually it's a consortium of people that are investing in it's just so disparate.
They don't even have the intent to know what they're I mean, it's just honestly, it's just fucked off. Yeah, this is what they usually say. But yeah, yeah, they sued the company Welsh Carson, a household name we're all
familiar with, Oh, Welsh Carson, Anderson and Stowe. Yeah exactly. Yeah, but the judge throw it out was like, no, they're legally protected because of reasons, but it's just like they've private equity has been spending hundreds of billions of dollars acquiring healthcare businesses from emergency care to anesthesiology to nursing homes, as we've talked about, and then they get away with it.
They stick themselves into the process. They charge on the one hand, they like the prices so that people are paying more, and on the other hand, they make the companies that they acquire like pay them fees. Yeah yeah, thereby like buying the land that the business is on and then making them pay them rent or so they're just double. They just insert themselves and start taking money from both sides. It's truly like the like the parasite thing is not even like a metaphor, it is just what they are.
Yeah, they It's like it does a dis like there's not even a word for how fucked up it works. It's like parasite seems like quite like a dull versus like, I don't know, it's like a machine that from the inside sucks your whole body out and then you're left with a skin bag. Yeah that is barely recognizable from your once previous form. But they absconded with all the good shit at that point.
But like if private equity companies went away tomorrow, like who would be worse off just the owners of private equity company and they won't.
What was the stat that the guy was giving us about how like if you added up all the salaries of people that work in professional sports, it doesn't even come close to adding up what these private equity dos are making, Like if you added oh yeah, well not even out of here.
Yeah, yeah, all those salaries that everyone's like furious about because these people are like the greatest athletes in a highly competitive world that, like everybody, they are the best at a job everybody wants to be the best at. We're all mad at how much money they make. And then these dipshits who just happen to like graduate from
Harvard Business School and like just insinuate themselves. Yeah, so the one sentence the Wall Street Journal article where they put on their Wall Street hat and do the bidding of private equity, they're like, there are definitely cases in healthcare of private equity investors steering a business they bought through a transition of rapid performance improvement by streamlining billing and scheduling, later selling it for a profit the same
efficiency they can bring to other businesses. Like half ad everybody knows that you're supposed like that you can improve a business by streamlining it like that. It's like such a basic like so they come in and invest in, like give it better billing and scheduling, and that's worth there being an industry that is just destroying the entire fucking economy. Yeah.
Yeah, more curious about like what's happening in the financial sector that the Wall Street Journal is calling out private equity like this, because like is it I mean because recently, you know, whether it's like Red Lobster or Toys r Us or other shit like private equities like in the news and some people are like, wait, it sounds like they completely fucked that company of it.
It wasn't endless shrimp, it was endless greed. I definitely think it's partially from our talking about on the dailies. Guys. Yeah, the Wall Street journals scared. They're like, these guys are onto us. We better at fucking like we're on the up and up. There also is like starting to be like some political like state houses are enacting laws to curtail private equity healthcare acquisitions. Congress and regulatory agencies are
starting to probe the effects of private equity investment. In May, the Justice Department created a task force focused on healthcare monopolies and collusion. So it feels like institutionally, there might be reasons for people to be like, Okay, we're gonna want to act like we weren't just ignoring the shit out of this.
Yeah, but I'm saying, like, I feel like this is like when to protect the institution of policing, police will put out a sacrificial lamb to be right, and that's the bad Apple. And once we get rid of the bad apple, please stop fucking looking at us. I know they're making it hot for the rest of us, but you know what I mean, Like, that's what it.
I don't know if that's kind of what's happening either.
Again, my ignorance, like the industry is fucking you know, of extreme here. But it just feels like when you see something like an industry rag like the Wall Street Journal suddenly be like this part is shitty, You're like, oh, maybe they're making it too hot for everybody, so you got to yeah, well, it's.
Just like very straightforward that they claim, all right, we're gonna come in, We're going to you know, ultimately make healthcare more affordable and then they do it and everybody's bills go up, right, So like it's hard to argue with and people in the in the case of health care, because their other like magical solution other than like what if this was more efficient? Is uh, what if we paid everybody less? You know, people are dying, so on the healthcare front, it's going to look be harder for
them to get out from under. So I feel like that's probably that would be a first place that we might see there be problems and we might see like Congress be like, all right, private equity is cool, but it just kissed one do health medical stuff. Yeah, yeah, but we shall see. All right, let's take a quick break and we'll be right back. And we're back. We're back. Major League Baseball is now including the records of Negro
league players in their official stats. Yep, they're putting it next to the white players.
And you will be shocked at what happened when you put up the players of color that were kept out of the league for seventy years next to their white counterparts in Major League Baseball, which is like, you know, this is this has been long overdue. But just for example, Josh Gibson has now replaced Ty Cobb as the all time leader in career batting average with three seven two.
Cobb's career was three sixty seven. He's also become Major League Baseball's all time career leader in slugging percentage and on base plus slugging. You know, it's like all kinds of stats here, So yeah, basically going past players like Babe Ruth, who we know is Dominican, Ted Williams and
Lou Garrick. But yeah, like, and I just want to say, like, there's so there's already obviously such fucking predictable racist backlash over the inclusion of these players who everyone who knows anything about baseball is, like, dude, these were some of the greatest players that were kept out of Major League Baseball because of racism.
Not for any other reason.
Like you hear all these people be like they're they're not even comparable.
There's no way to know about There's no way to know, dude.
There actually is kind of a way to know, because there were regular fucking exhibition games between teams of Major League Baseball and the negro leagues, and guess who won. About just over fifty percent of those head to head matchups.
The Negro League players did.
Wow, Yeah I didn't know that fact, and yeah it was like yeah, it's uh. And that's just been like this, I think myth that's always been used to basically try and not include these statistics to be.
Like it's that's pretty sick, Like that's that's pretty good.
I'll take that in the head to head is like most more times than not, I'm beating you.
Yeah, yeah, that's a good I would say it is a good indicator. They were batting five to seventy, pretty good, a good batting average. I get on base five fifty yeah, fifty percent of the time.
So yeah, again it's like, holy shit, why wasn't this happening sooner?
So I think something like.
A little over like around tooth, like a little over two thousand players are also going to be into the database, integrated into the database on major League Baseball dot com.
And I'm assuming a Josh Gibson biopic is going into the like Hollywood machine as we speak. But if not, like what the fuck are you doing?
I mean, there's there's so many players like you know, satgel Page and fucking Buck Leonard. These are like the fucking like those are the ones that people really know a lot about. But yeah, there are just yeah, there's countless stories about this and also just really interesting about how, you know, the negro leagues were sort of kept alive through like black business owners who just were able to create this despite the racism that existed in Major League baseball.
So it's not fucking woke DEI shit, it's about putting players that were actually better than some of these other players.
And so yeah, America loves an underdog, but they're not going to watch this because you know that's Kenny winning. I'm just look, I'm a huge fan of Josh Gibson. Josh Gibson's actually my favorite baseball player. I'm just saying I would have him him Cooperstown ballot. Yeah, a film about him is not going to travel in Europe, where they are racist.
Yeah, ma, it's uh anyway, so little bits of racism are always slightly being addressed.
But did you did you ever watch that?
I think it was an HBO movie, Soul of the Game that came out in ninety six that had like Delroy Lindo and and oh yeah, Michael T.
Williamson was Josh Delroy Lindo play Satchel Page. Yeah exactly, yeah, yeah, I do remember that. Yeah yeah, all right. And finally, just a shout out to I guess cracked dot com uh might might have influenced a h slasher movie mask There's so there's a new slasher film called In a Violent Nature, which is like making it's it's getting buzz because it's making people vomit in movie theaters at like Sundance, which is always you want that, like that's great buzz. In the world of horror films.
What exactly, there were people like dry heaving or literally vomiting in the storm, like.
This is always a thing that they do where they yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I get it. Yeah, although I know somebody who passed out in Signs. Really yeah that one part where the bert runs by between the houses and you're like, ah, an ambulance had to be called because they just they just went white from it. That's that's wild. People's aliens kind of looked like shit.
Once you saw them, they looked like absolute ship and then you're like you can throw water on them, all right, get the fuck out of here.
That's also what you do to somebody you fainted. Yeah, yeah, water hit him with a bucket, hit him with a wolverine bucket of piss, and the way right up. But anyway, so Cracked the website that I used to work at with JM one the writers on our show who brought this to our attention. He is friends with the people who made this movie, but it is getting a lot
of attention. And the writer director when asked about the unique mask worn by the slasher, so the slasher has this weird like kind of looks like a combination of an old school diving bell and a executioner's mask. And he apparently got the idea for the mask from a Cracked article that he read years and years and years ago. Those just disturbing things from the past that are supposed to be comforting, which sounds sounds like a Cracked article. Ah man, But I just like the there's so many
things that could be great slasher movie masks. I feel like that is an underutilized like resource history is an underutilized resource, or just like the beauty aisle. Yeah, I always talk about the like moisturizer face masks like yeah that my wife where sometimes are fucking terrifying because they're just like take all the like dimension away. Yeah. Dimension is just like your face turns into this very terrifying thing. Plague masks. I feel like I've been underutilized. And slasher film. Yeah.
Oh do you remember the movie The Scout with Brendan Fraser and Albert Brooks.
Yeah.
Uh, there's a scene that I always think of with those green masks where he's being stupid and he's biting through a tortilla you'll wear it.
As it on his face and I'm like, that is a freaky fucking mask too, which are Yeah, I just.
Remember he's like biting holes and he's like wearing a tortilla on his face and Albert Brooks like, what the fuck are you doing?
Ye? So anyway, that's my random Albert Brooks moment of the day. There you go, and this is our random Hey, congratulations to old cracked articles. Yeah, I mean I think you should sue the fuck out this guy. Bro.
I don't give a fuck if Jam helped out or anything. Jam like the calls.
Coming from inside the house, Bro, for real, Yeah, you're doing all right? Fucked up. I don't even remember the article and I couldn't find it when I talk. Oh, now you're scared of a little lawsuit. Huh yeah, maybe he might. He might have been misremembering it, but I'm just filmmaker. You don't mow another guy's lawn. Man Freaky, yeah, freak. In an episode where he was also talking about how his co host's glands made him corny, The Killer.
Yeah the Killer, had enlarged lymph notes and a mask from a crack dot com article and constantly grunted footnotes.
Footnotes, Hold on, what the fuck is this? All right? Well, those are some of the things that are trending on this Thursday, May thirtieth. We are back tomorrow with the whole last episode of the show. Until then, be kind to each other, be kind to yourselves, get your vaccines, get your flu shots, don't do nothing about white supremacy, and we will talk to y'all tomorrow. Fight later.