Christmas Comedown 12.26.23

Hello the Internet, and welcome to the Christmas Come Down episode of dar Dy's Eye Guys. Sin's a production by Heart the podcast we take Deep Down and Marry Share Consciousness. And it's Tuesday, December twenty sixth, twenty twenty three.

And we're all here. We're all here. We took time off to check back in absolutely this one.

This is being recorded on the day after Christmas. We're just making everybody come in. It's that point of the year where all the Christmas songs disappear all at once from like play like I feel like it starts happening right now. Everyone's just like I don't want to hear that anymore people ever again. It's a real I feel like for me, the day after Christmas is like a hurdling change of mood and pace on par maybe with

A post coital clarity.

I remember like the first time that happened to me as a teenager, I was like, this feels like.

The day after Christmas.

I truly immediately had that fun.

There's Garland.

Everywhere, there's Garland, and it doesn't show time.

It's about uh shit.

My name is Jack O'Brien and I'm throwed to be joined as always buy my co host.

Mister Miles Grass, Miles Pray, Kay Gray After Christmas, AKA, I didn't know December twenty sixth was National Whiners' Day. I wonder if that's to do with people who didn't get a good present.

Bunch of fucking whiners.

Wow, it's also Boxing Day, you know. Oh man, the time honor tradition of helping those less fortunates, the great American to realit when I'm saying, that's not America, that's great Britain again and never mind miss.

The greatest of Britain and smiles, we are thrilled to be joined in our third seat. Hold on to your butt Zeers buddy. He's like we called him five minutes ago and interrupted a conversation and we're just like, hey, you want to come on the Daily zeit Geist with no preparation and just talk about Christmas? It is mister Chris Craft, what's up?

Yeah, I'm I'm available on five minutes. I'm a I'm like a fireman. Yeah, always on with no fucking training.

We rang the alarm, came down the yeah.

Dude, they were like, where are that Poli.

Dude like, oh no, man, no, man showed up crazy And then we are also joined Journed Adjourned. We are also joined by super producer Justin Connor j C.

The reason for the seasons. He has risen.

Dude, he is risen. Like, dude, it's like Jez like say see Jesus, Oh yeah, they need to do that in.

The he's he has risen and it's just our I z z i n.

All right, that's the oh yeah that too, yeah gen z gen z easter mer right there, dude, he is dude, he's got like stunner shades on.

That's how order of the year too, how topically, Yeah.

Look at us, look at us, and we are thrilled to be joined. His mic is on.

It's super producer Victor.

I'm still just hungover from all the ham and tomaly's. I just stay from last and to damn damn Hamali's so very happy.

Yeah, everyone MIC's on, except for super producer Bay who lost their voice.

But yeah, the voice the chords rest the Wild Christmas Apparent.

I don't know much of the voice either. Yeah, you got all that nugget? All that nugget? Is that one of your Christmas? So all right, this is this is what the episode is. Basically, I feel like we should take advantage of that clarity of vision and mind and make some big decisions about the pop culture landscape of Christmas, like not you know what, what are some classic movies, songs, traditions.

Okay, okay, do where do you? Where do you want to start? What do you I guess, Jack, what are you most angry about?

Oh? I am teed off? Oh shit, don't get me started, guys. So let's actually start with a meal. Because Victor just mentioned Hammond to Molly's. Yep, that's not a thing that I had ever heard of people eating on Christmas.

I don't think we to formalize he's somebody that has no Latino friends.

Ham and Tamales is the.

Yea Christmas. It's just a Christmas thing. Yeah, okay, well dating bro, he wasn't out here in so call you know, like.

I was definitely not us.

Yeah.

So I feel like the standard when you see a Christmas meal in a movie, that meal is just Thanksgiving, except with a goose instead of a turkey. Right, Like nobody eats geese anymore. We've met too many geese. I don't. I don't want to eat a fucking goose like I've had.

You know, we've got we've got barbecue.

We've got burgers and fries and er burgers and hot dogs for a lot of other holidays. But pizza is the favorite food in a lot of places. And I feel like we're we need a we need an official holiday. Why not make it an official Christmas pizza holiday?

Jack, Where are you from?

You're from Ohio, kind of all over the place. I'm a West Virginia, Ohio, Kentucky, Massachusetts, New York.

Someplace you never had?

What was it?

What did you have for Tamali's? Yeah, Tomali's, Like I didn't have I'm from Connecticut. I didn't have Tamali's so I was like twenty four.

Right, Yeah, yeah, I didn't have sushi until I was like in my twenties.

Baroni's.

White boomer people like are scared, so scared. The most is the holiday where we put salt on the chicken.

Like to them, sounds like, you know, it's too much like commie.

It's it's not just white people. I have a family member. I will not put it on blast. But they have never eaten a taco in their entire life. Wow, that's they're pushing tragedy. That's no. No taco bell, no nothing, no talk.

Not even taco bell.

No No, that's wait.

You just didn't believe it hadn't hit until it Like yeah, I'm like, well, what evenest like if you don't have like a tacket ear or something like I was like, okay, maybe in that form You're like, I've never had. Miles is thinking like, so this guy's never been drunk.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I'm like nothing to produce her be is like wait, but then taco right.

Now, that's where I draw the line. So what are you what is this person eating?

Man?

Pizza? A lot of a lot of pizza.

Yeah, they went with they went real hardcore Midwestern traditionalist, and that apparently did not include tacos when they were coming up.

Yeah, I think the idea of having an official like go to meal like partially came from hearing that Japan like KFC is the move.

Yeah yeah, I'm recording from Japan right now, so I can tell you this as a matter of fact. It's it's on and popping with the KFC. Japanese KFC Christmas is just like it's I don't know, for whatever reason, it's just like the biggest thing, or it was for a while. Now people kind of do Christmas in many different ways, but like they're like Christmas package that they put together is like shit that people like order in

Wow.

Yeah, but they say it happened because there were Americans who couldn't find a turkey, so they just went to KFC to have some kind of you know, poultry on a goose. Yeah.

Yeah, they couldn't find a goose.

I can get I'll get you a goose by now.

Man.

Yeah, well let me ask you this mouse does. Does the KFC better hit over there better than it does over here?

Yeah?

Because I don't know.

Man, the breading on on the on the fried chicken and KFC in America, it's it's always feels so wet and like soggy to me.

Yeah, it's good, No, you can get Look, Japanese fried chicken is good, you know. And I would say, as a Blasian person, I'm I'm well equipped to be judging fried chicken in Japan.

I'm talking about the KFC specific.

But KFC I haven't. The last time I had it was like a couple of years ago. It's fine. I mean, like, I guess the difference is like there's probably more of an exoticized view of like American fried chicken. You know, it's like the same way how like people Europe love red solo cups because it's in the party scenes of every movie, Like, oh, just is it like taste better out of the cups? Like nah, man, it's the fucking media, man, it's the fucken.

So yeah, so they don't have to show labels.

But I was wondering about that too, like maybe if the fried chicken over in Japan was more of a like tempora style, which would.

Make me no, no, no. It's got the same blend of herbs and spices. But the big thing is like it's it's sort of presented as a way for people to engage with this, you know, because no one is Christian in Japan. It's like less than one percent, so nobody's really out here like you know, Fizzion for Jesus, soiz for the Risen. But yeah, they're not out here like that. It's more just to be like it's fun.

That sounds nice.

You have for fried chicken too, Let's do fried chicken. You know, like fried chicken doesn't really have holiday. I mean it's associated with like summer holidays more so. But my only thing is that I don't want it to be an issue where like people have to work on that day. So if it can be a thing that reheats nicely, like pizza, fried chicken, especially like now that we have air fryers, like that, fried chicken is so good in the air fryer, like you and fried chicken is.

You're a special kind you know like that? No, I agree with Oh, I hate when, like some when the crunch goes soggy, like if man really crunchy, like when it's really fried. Well, the second I know what you're talking about, that second day, like just crispy, starchy covering that used to be the fry.

Has the consistency of coffee cake, just a wet.

Crumbling dripping down your mouth as you're consumer eating. I kind of like that it's dry. All the fat has consolidated.

You know, we don't have any food in the house, you guys. I grew up in a house where we had no food and it wasn't because we were broke, it was just because we're Irish, and Irish people don't. They just eat to drink, you know, they just choke down a potato just because they have to, because they know that they'll die otherwise. There's never any food.

Did you have any like do you have any memories of like a Christmas meal? Chris, No, No.

It's the thing. It's I can't relate to any of this because it's like our refrigerators empty like it always is, and we just have tons of candy and coffee. All Irish people love stimulants. I mean, I might get in trouble with this, but I don't know. I I as an Irish person, I found that none of them eat anything until they're wasted, and then they eat everything with their hands.

Babies or whatever.

It's like cheese and ice cream and stuff. But mainly they're they're all about like food is something you get out of the way so you can get drunk. So yeah, I grew up like you know, just Christmas Day, what we ate was like you know, like today we're eating like marshmallow, not bunnies, but like whatever Santa Claus stuff, marshmallow or something. You know, there's no food, no chicken.

We don't have chicken.

Who's gonna make chicken in an Irish family? Nobody you want to make chicken. And if you ask about chicken, they're like, you want to make chicken?

Face?

They don't.

They there's no it's all about like you know, it's like I don't know. It's not a food cultureist, you know, it's they didn't have any food for a while either, just they just had like you know, what's.

For you something like that you created.

I talked about in.

The last episode when the pie Piper led all the snakes into Sweden or nothing to eat, because I think I think you said rats Irish because the biper took them all over to.

Sweden.

If you could, what's the food that you would Chris, you're king for a day. This is what everybody in the land must eat on Christmas Day? What does it go?

Well, since I don't think anybody's really eating geese, we can try out geese. I don't nobody's eating geese.

Only in the movies they're eating geese. I've never ease.

I mean, unless you're talking about one of those cornish game hands, which I've added a wedding or something.

Right, you know it like a tiny bird?

Yeah, Irish people, it's like I think a feast would be like for me it as an Irish American who grew up in Connecticut. Like a nice thing. It would be nice if I didn't have to unwrap the Starburst on Christmas Day.

They were already unwrapped out of the.

And they didn't You didn't have to take the paper off and mess around with the little pieces of paper they get stuck on.

I wouldn't mind replacing candy canes like that. I feel like, dude, is are there any candy cam fans on?

It's just a fucking weird shaped, fucking breath mint.

It's a last resort candy that's a last Actually there's barrel.

Yeah, it's hardened toothpaste.

You find that in a glove compartment, you might eat it.

I'm re experiencing candy cans for the first time through my kids, and they're like, it tastes like fucking toothpaste. Man, this is terrible. I'm like, watch your mouth. But that's what it's about.

You can't You can't have until you finish all your goose.

Yeah, shout out.

To my mom.

I will say, this might be hard to do because Christmas morning can be a bit hectic, especially if you're visiting multiple homes.

Or family members.

But I just had this memory right now. My mom usually would have our Christmas pajamas. You'd buy like new pajamas for us the night like Christmas Eve, and then in the morning, you know, after we open up our presence, there'd be like cinnamon rolls and bacon.

Yeah. Yeah, Christmas breakfast is real.

Yeah, Oh, that's what it is. It's not the dinner, man, that's what I'm thinking. It's the fucking breakfast. That's when I put a lot, Like I'll even make a breakfast cast roll the night before that I keep it the fridge, and then bacon in the morning. That's actually more than the dinner the thing that I look forward to, because the dinner could be fucking anything. And also it is what it is.

For me because I would be I'd be up at like three or four in the morning.

I'd have a hard time sleeping on Christmas Day, you know, I would just like it be one of those people annoying my parents. And so when I finally got to eat at like nine o'clock, it was just like euphoric to have like this sugary, savory bacon type of explosion.

Yeah, for sure, Christmas breakfast goes hard for sure.

All Right, what else we getting rid of?

I think missiletes Like I don't know, it's so central in so many songs. It feels like it was invented bi sexual predators for sexual predators.

Definitely, I don't need.

It's very like I like sex forward, like spin on Christmas for sure, or just like a romantic Christmas.

But like, yeah, y'all know, we love horny Christmas.

We love horny Christmas. We've talked about it endlessly. It is also the closest that the human species has to a mating season. It's like when the most birthdays most children are conceived around this time of year, so many September, Yeah, so exactly. So I just feel like we shouldn't need to trick people into kissing us. We shouldn't have to like be laying traps to get a little kiss on Christmas. And if we are, maybe that person and you shouldn't

Is anyone ever actually kissed under a mistletoe?

That's really more of.

An awkwardness generator.

Yeah.

Yeah, Whenever I'm near mistletoe, I feel up tight, you know what I mean, because I'm like, what happens if some freak, you know what I mean?

Like I don't like and mistleton. I respect the laws of mistletoe.

In my opinion, missletoe creates a forbidding environment.

Yeah, I I definitely so like to your points, like I've never kissed under mistletoe, maybe like since I've been married, you know what I mean, Like booed up and you're like, oh the mistletoe kind of thing. But yo, I remember because mistletoe in popular culture. It was like the first pick up artist I think I ever listened to, like as a kid, like, oh, it's just like that. It's like that you get people.

Don't know Mystery had a mistletoe and that big head of.

His Yeah, and that's how that's why he had more more makeout on record than any other other pick up party.

Where is Mystery in prison? Yeah?

That or.

Or selling like cutco knives.

It was omnip for like a year.

Yeah yeah, yeah, like in everybody's face.

And for a while I thought he was Chris Angel.

I was gonna say him and christ Angel and Romans now in Vegas.

I was like, is he Chris Angel? But I remember in seventh grade, like I begged my mom to buy me like missiletoe like out like a Michael's or like you know, like a decoration place like with the hopes that like I could get a kiss like as wow, And you know, I kept that ship in my pocket all day on the last day before winter break just shook because like I was like I got that thing on me, but like do I know how to fucking

What also, as as as.

Mistletoes already are the it feels like you're pushing the boundary even more if you have, like if you're just carrying it around, like putting in front of people's faces.

Like you saw in the movies.

I mean I saw it hanging above door.

Yeah, I was always see people were like, uh, now you gotta give me a kiss. You Like, oh man, I guess I gotta kiss you. And meanwhile, like I'm six and I have no idea what consent is. I guess that works, So mistletoe check.

So pickup artists.

I knew pickup artists were stupid, like there were a waste of money, but that's like how like how bottom of the barrel? Their ideas are like give me a mistletoe.

No no, But I'm saying more in the sense of, like, here's a hack that doesn't involve understanding people to try and be stimulated in some way. You know what I mean like that's that's so much of that sort of you know, curriculum is like not to say that.

Yeah, yeah, I was just thinking that I didn't.

Yeah, it was like I'd be so mad if I bought like a pickup artist like videotape or whatever and popped it in and they were like, get some missletoe.

Yeah wait my money back, sucker for this. Yeah exactly. I paid for the master class to take to go one night out with you in Vegas for three thousand dollars and you gave us all missiletoe. Yeah, here's the secret.

It's like it's like when you find out about like Xenu and scientology.

Okay, like wait for.

Mistletoe. Dude, you've finally gone clear.

Open this envelope.

Check all these volcano They all came up from these volcanos and Xenu had to check them.

What your secret is, missletoe dude? Yeah?

This cost me fucking six hundred thousand dollars.

Every time, works every time.

Uh. Yeah, So I don't know, pitch us some more sex forward traditions or if you if you know of any folks folks, and we'll uh you know, incorporate those next.

Year, because it ain't always not always about the kids, you know what I mean, Chris for everybody, you know what I mean? So what's the adult Christmas things? You know? Cause I think but I get a lot of the energy that people spend is to make it like magical for younger people or et cetera. But like, you know, what's some hornier stuff we can do? Yoah.

I want to say one thing, but for my mom's sake, if she listens to this, I want to say she does make and she made this morning December twenty sixth to whatever year. Yeah, she makes those cinnamon rolls and she made him this morning that come in the tube.

Yeah yeah, yeah those, So I don't.

My mom is just a person who always said, like we'd be like, what's for dinner? And she'd be like, I could ask you the same thing.

I mean, that was that was her day for real. She was just like, I'm not cooking. I hate it. Like so, she and we were eight, so we were like what are we supposed to do?

You know?

She was like, we're going to McDonald's. We went to McDonald's quite a bit, but she did always make those and she made today those cinnamon rolls, and I love those cinnamon rolls. They're kind of a tradition. I don't know if that happens in a lot of houses, but I guess they've been on the market for a long time, so a lot of people must be eating those cinnamon rolls out of a tube and they're they're.

For sure, except in Europe, because I'm pretty sure they banned that kind of like canned doe ship that we have in the US. Serious, I'm pretty sure.

Are you serious? I just found out they fucking banned Cheerios regular No, yeah, oh my god.

We gotta know.

Somebody, somebody who I live with told me.

I'm even madder at Europe than I usually am.

All right, let's take a break while I find out if Cheerios are actually banning Europe and what.

Are they choking ants or something. The United States is so fucked as far as we're gonna have fascism and.

Junk food, Pillsbury biscuits like out of the can band in Switzerland, Austria, Hungry, Iceland, Norway and my god, wow, because of the partially hydrogenated soybean and cotton seed on and we're back. We were back for that last part.

Yeah, we should drop a bunch of cases of that ship on Switzerland.

Yeah, I found where cheerios are banned yet, So maybe.

They get confused with like corn flakes, because that's another like boring cereal.

Boring ass cereal where they're like, Nope, too sexy, too much, too much, like what happening with these corn flakes.

Because like in Europe, they just have like a basic thing where they're like, yeah, you should only eat like food and not like chemical laden food shaped ship.

Yeah, but you're yeah, you're all right with cuckoo clocks scaring the ship out of your elderly.

From the beginning of a Pinocchio.

I don't know, somebody something something that made you know, like they get even with Switzerland. What about your Oh yeah, sure we're eating some whate.

For cuckoo clocks and make it come back personally?

How many old people have had heart attacks because your damn cuckoo clocks?

Am I right?

Well?

People have heart attacks are sitting on a toilet seat that's too cold in the winter, you know what I mean.

They're all right with with like unmarked bank accounts, but they don't let anybody have it.

They're fine with Nazi gull but don't break that. Don't funk around. Now we're neutral, okay.

Oh no, yeah, we're very very civilized.

Very civilized. Also we make a fuck ton of guns, don't get it fucked up.

That's right to protect our civilization.

Don't they Isn't that average? Like everybody's trapped in Switzerland? That might be.

I think, what's.

Happening in Switzerland today? What's happening in Switzerland? If they can't eat those cinnamon things, right, what are they doing over there? I'm talking about how they're superior because they don't have any cheerios. Probably they're like another day without cheerios.

It's very nice. The heart attack talk does bring me to my next point, which is stay lazy as fuck. It is in your best interest, is in your family's best interests. This is the worst time to be in the hospital, Like just statistically such a bummer, because yeah, it's just a bummer the decorations they have in the hospital there. Dude, I was in a hospital for Thanksgiving last year and it was there's nothing like that. You know, those those decorations that you've seen, like you haven't seen

If the vibes are fine, then there's another existential threat of the hospital.

Yeah, so other than the vibes, it's the deadliest time to be in the hospital other than July. So I'll explain why early July is the worst next but December. Basically, it's like everybody's on vacation. It's like, what what would be the worst time for there to be an emergency at your job that, like, you know, somebody has to solve immediately, probably like around Christmas, right you know, you're

You know, I'm starting to understand a lot of things about Switzerland, about hospitals. Things are a lot worse than I realized. Day after Christmas, I was having a nice time.

It's like slippery, it's cold, your your toilet. See you can give you a heart attack? What makes sense? It just stay on your couch. It is a matter of life and death.

It's wait but it's actually to do with the fact that like a lot of like doctors are like inaccessible and then are just people that are on call and you don't know what they're fucking doing on December twenty sixth, probably not just staying very well rested, just waiting to be called in, right.

Like bodies don't stop having heart attacks and shit, and in fact, like because people eat worse and drink more and are inhaling a lot more wood smoke. Actually it is a time, it's one of the most active times for heart attacks. What yeah, so that also probably isn't helping, you know.

Wow, wait, so why'd July though you said earlier?

And then July is when the official changeover happens, and like people who are first year medical school students come in for the first time, and like they're just like you know, little baby does they're just like shaky leggage.

Oh man, that time to perfect for fourth of July.

Hand blown off by an M eighty or something.

Yeah, yeah, hand blown off by a first year medical student who.

Just came in to get my blood pressure?

Can they be attached three fingers? I mean they're working now, but this ship was close.

There weren't you hold up your hand and they're bending backwards.

Yeah, I've never seen somebody throw up that gang sign. What set are you cleaning?

The upside down?

Bro?

I think I mean there there is a thing of like, you know, being cozy and watching movies. But just just stick to that. Don't go sledding, don't go skiing, stick around.

Here's my kid. Don't get hurt because they don't get the eight team at the hospital. I'll tell you that much.

That's what I'm saying.

Man, I really does feel like winter is set up for you to hurt yourself the most. Shout out to my sister to well, Monique. We went the first time we ever went ice skating. She took a blade all the way up her leg. It was like a nine inch like gash in her leg. Suffice it to say she did not take one step onto that ice. That was as she was lacing up her.

I broke.

I broke my hip roller skating, So damn you gotta watch out for those.

Rings that during the winter.

That was not I was just trying to share a story with.

Us because I know it is, and that's what I just.

Got lost in them. I'm just thinking about how dangerous rinks in general?

Right, right? Right? What kind of year?

That joke twice and I'm not going to try it again.

What happened?

I kept saying, skinnem and otherwise try I did my best.

You know, one thing I'll say is, and I'm curious for everybody, is do you think holiday fucking clothing matters? Because for me, I don't give a fuck about what you has no bearing on my.

Fact.

Yeah, what's behind me? I'm the holiday party this year. I'm gonna be showing up all color coordinated.

But I get that that's your but you have you know, that's your aesthetic style. What I mean to say is like wearing red and green, to be like, where's your red and green? That's the shit I'm talking about. I'm like, nobody gives a about that. It's to me, honestly, it's the music and the decorations that do all of like the heavy lifting in terms.

Of I'll tell you who the fuck about that though, Miles, Okay, people who work at the DMV, Yeah, yeah, they'd be so mad.

They would be so mad.

This is their time of year where they get to finally shine something.

Yeah, do something a little bit different size.

I end out boat licenses or whatever the hell they're doing there.

I just remember, like, you know, but it's like one of those things like as a kid, there's like where's your green?

Where's your read?

Really?

Who's your green? You never heard of that? Yeah?

I never heard that either.

Oh man, what my fuck?

Man? I remember that from Valentine's Day that.

Santry School, Like, yeah, Saint Patrick's Day.

We were like, I don't know, motherfucker's march. Don't leave me alone.

This is green. It's fucking forest green, and I don't need to They're like it's not Kobe Green. Like okay, y'all, can we move forward? You know?

It goes a long way that I've found at a drive in movie theater, Like what one year we took our kids to see I think it was Frozen, like around Christmas and they were selling the big fat Christmas tree light necklaces. Oh yeah, you get like that shit is still going four years later and you can just throw that on with anything and everyone's like, oh it feels like Christmas.

It's like so.

Festive, and it it's a cheap like five ten dollars thing.

Yeah, yeah, Miles, what do you think about that, Miles. If it's not about colors, is it okay to wear a like a medallion?

That's no what I'm saying. I'm saying the idea that it's necessary to facilitate it. Like yeah, like I love something low fi like that, like one necklace boom. Turn your outfit into a holiday jam perfect.

If you're hanging out, if you're hanging out with a group of people will give you shit about that stuff. As adults, Yeah, you might want to check out what's going on in your life.

I mainly do it because mystery told me to. It's a called I want to find out where Mystery is Christmas goosing.

Actually, that's right.

I've got all day to day. I got all day to relax. Like Jack's saying, Today's day we relax. We listen to John Denver records and Neil Diamond records like I did when I was a kid, which I really like. It's a nice day to listen records and drink coffee, you know, and stick some ready whip on top of your coffee. If you're an Irish person like me and just because you're a sugar maniac, and and then you google about what happened to Mystery. I want to find out what happened to mystery.

This is the time do your like Google research. Now, this is a great time for that can bear. It's very hard to get hurt doing Google research, although you might be so surprised by what Mystery is up to that you might have a heart attack.

Yeah, if you forget about mistletoe for the next year, when you meet somebody of the opposite sex or whatever, someone you're interested in, you can talk about what happened to Mystery and bam.

People love talking about that. I mean, I think because.

I dude, he's still a dating guru.

Oh you found him?

Yeah, fewer hats, lung conytail in the back, glasses that are a little bit funky. The man is still out here. Oh my god. Yeah he looks like Eddie Vedder.

Now, yeah, he does look like.

He's gone grunge. He's like gradually going through the fashions like someday I'll catch up.

He has a podcast called Wingmen Unite.

Is that what he's got a little soul patch sometimes.

With like memojis.

I mean, the fact that he doesn't have a soul patch all the time is shocking. To me me too.

He's doing the same thing. Like he's talking about like his openers, like how to open conversation with like women, what a fucking loser? The Google Earth opener.

Yeah, it's a fun one Spell's opener.

I've writen the book on openers called Hey guys, I hope you guys.

Have it, Okay, anyway, I hope you believable loser, the Google Earth opener like that.

We all know his shorten the Google Earth like yeah, because all of those things. I remember when that that that book the game came out, when Neil Strauss that was about him like following like and I was like, Yo, what the fucking how they like how technically they speak? What it is like you do the thing where you just say there was.

A car accident outside, and like do you guys see that fight? I just I'm outside, Yeah, dude, like I think she caught her boyfriend cheating or something like oh no, it's like yeah, anyway, my name's my name.

Is Neil Strauss, all right for the New York Times.

Excuse me. Not only do I hope you have it? I hope you're all so familiar with my book that you know what I mean by the Google.

Wait, what do you even think the Google Earth opener is? If you're somehow using Google Earth to begin an interaction with potential love partner, I'm.

Not gonna lie. I think I saw you on Google Earth. That's crazy, But I think there's a photo on you on Google Earth.

That's not true. Is that the thing that would be my guest? Like I swear to got hold on something like you're you're prettier than Google Earth. This, you know, you're as pretty as Google Earth.

That's the that's the Christ at you in Brazil. Oh that's that, ain't you? All right? I thought it was the same outfit.

Oh that's a good one. That's a good one. All right. Let's uh, let's take a quick break. We'll come back and close out with some gifts that we wanted that we never got and just some gift some gifting stories. We'll be right back and we're back.

We're back. Oh my god, dude, I found a like a snippet of what the Google Earth opener is. Oh hell yeah, it's it gets like scripted. It goes like this, as a mystery, have you ever heard of Google Earth? I checked out this location, this very spot, where we are standing right now. On Google Earth. I zoomed into this location and I saw that building there and that building right there. It's like I have already visited this place,

Have you?

Uh? Have you ever heard of records? So it's crazy.

I was like playing this record where like it sounded like there was a band in the room with me.

And then.

And then I went to a.

He's doing the vinyl opener. He's doing they open.

I hope you're all familiar with a vinyl opener. So and he like treats it like its chess instead of just like the dumbest shit that you've ever heard. Yeah, all right, well, next we're going to talk about close out with the gift opener, where day after Christmas people people are getting acquainted with their gifts.

Yep.

I remember spending one whole Christmas and half of the day after Christmas reading lying liars and the liars who tell or whatever that Frankel Yeah yeah, yeah, like you know that wasn't even much.

It was a big idiot. Yeah, I got way too. I did not know how to read it. Yeah, but my parents bought it for me.

Books are a great gift.

Books are a great gift, but and these are not great gifts.

No.

We we just sometimes like take a look back, what's the gift that got away? Guys?

What's I think everybody? Everybody? I don't know for me personally. It's funny. We were talking about this before. Justin revealed that he like it was like a character from a TV show I always wanted to be when I was like what y'd like it was there that one thing that you always wanted and you never got, or what is the worst thing you got? There are two things that I can talk about. One thing I have spoken about on this show. I think Molly Lambert was one.

Yeah, like it was just like a tongue.

Yeah it was. It was. It was just a big floppy tongue with a with a with a pistol handle on it.

Symbi an attachment where it goes in and out.

But there was like and that was when I always wanted I never got. There was another thing that I always wanted, uh, and never got. We're like a like walkie talkies, but the kinds like people would use on a construction site, Like yeah, they're always like the you know, kid, fucking walkie talkie said they had like a forty foot range or something. But I always remember like, yeah, my parents were like, I need that like motorola thing that the cop has, Like I want that fucking walkie talkie.

Talkie and a handgun, a handgun like the cops have.

Yeah, handgun and qualified immunity. That's what I want, Daddy, give it to me now. But yeah, that was like one of those things I wanted it never got. And then one thing I wanted and got was so bummed out was this Dick Tracy watch. We talked about this when Ben Bollen was on and I was talking about my love of watches. When the Dick Tracy movie came out, they made like, e Dick Tracy watch that looked like on the outside, the shit that Warren Baty was using

So that's how I felt when I got X rays backs out of the comic book. I'm not kidding.

I was a kid.

I thought they said that you can see through people's clothes. Yeah, that's what it said.

That's what said that Boner City here I come, fucking some bullshit. I also got a machine that was supposed to print money out of paper. Both those things I thought were real. I was like, once I get that money printer, it's like this little thing, it's a magic trick.

But I didn't.

They were like makes I mean, I guess there were no rules as to what you can say in a comic book as far as like they couldn't you know, you could say anything you wanted.

I guess. I mean it was a.

Nineteen seventies comic book.

There probably wasn't a lot of litigation, but it was like sellers of machine people bought monkeys out of the back of comic books.

Yeah, here's a machine. You can put paper and then money. You can print your own money and you'll never need money again. So I was like waiting for that, like, well, my life's gonna be a lot better.

Yeah, why don't more people get these?

Yeah?

I thought I was looking at naked people all day with X ray respects and printing my own money, and it turned out, Yeah, I just had to keep being in fourth grade.

Yeah, similar to Dick Tracy the Dick Tracy watch. I got a Rambo rocket launcher water gun. But it was it was like this battery powered electronic thing that did like the water was like less than just a standard water gun. The water that we shoot out of it was less than a standard water gun. And it died after like fifteen minutes of use. And but it looked so cool. I mean it like has a fucking rocket cone on the top of it. Like it was incredible.

It's like, yeah, it looks like you're carrying a shoulder fired RP.

I think it came out. I think it came out around the movie Rambo three or no, I guess it came out around Rambo two. But I got it in like eighty eight. When it finally got to me, I think it was like off the It was the ones that had fallen off a truck or something and it did not work.

But oh back when your dad was stealing shit, yeah, man.

And then double Dare the home game really wanted that. Like I assumed that you would just get a box and you would have like a double gear double Dare, you know.

Like in it, like a set would like it's yeah, like that the whole production facility.

And they might have because I never got that ship. But I did try and do it myself. One year for like, I think it was my eighth birthday, I did a doubledare like course what are those called? Yeah, like challenge of course that right right, you know?

Obstacle.

Yeah, yeah, did like a Doubledare obstacle course one year for my eighth birthday. But it was like we had just moved to town and there was only one kid there and the only thing I remember, is that we made a jello mold with a flag in it and just like stuck our hand in and we're like, there it is because the like small.

It was like real.

Small, you know. For it to be a challenge, the jael mold needs to be like the size of a fucking children's pool.

Yeah, right right.

We just made a bowl of jello and then the flag was right there in the bottom of it.

But what's doubled there? I've never is this?

Whoa traumatic?

Victor is young, younger than thought him, dude. It was this fucking It was hosted by Mark Summers, and it was like this Nickelodeon show that was like just the It was like the game show that every kid fucking wanted to be on because there's like all kinds of wacky games that you felt were like doable as a kid. There was fucking slime everywhere. Yeah, it was beautiful.

Victor is too young to know what it is, and I'm too old to know what it is. You didn't have double there, No, I knew it. But I mean I was already in the street. I was. I was already wrote in writing poetry on the back of garbage can lids.

While you were fucking fonding over Mark Summers on methadone.

But it was out of the corner of my eye. I caught a glimpse of double dare once and I spat on the ground and put my cigar back in my mouth. No, my nickel cigar.

I just started chewing on my rum rum So nickel cigar, right.

Mark Summers know who that is? Either Mark?

Who's the host?

He was just the host?

And then he had an amazing long tail of his career on like the Game show Network where he's okay, yeah.

I remember he was the first person that I heard about like what O c D was, Yes, because he had O c D. And I remember that was for whatever as a child, like my point of like entry and empathy to be like, oh, Mark Summers messy show, I'm like, that must have been hard.

That must have been hard, especially to do that show OCD with slime all over the fucking place. Fucking kids, kids are And he said that, apparently him making it like like people aware of his obsessive compulsive disorder. It cost him the hosting gig of Hollywood Squares, the revival of Hollywood Squares, and then Tom Burdjeron took it over because he was honest about it.

Is like, wow, that's.

That affect your ability to host Hollywood Squares.

Especially if you've been doing it successfully for seasons. That's crazy.

Yeah, So any other any other bad or you know, gifts that out away that anybody wants to talk about.

Oh, Chris, you can get no, no, justin, justin.

I think now that I'm looking back on it, maybe my father's love of T two was outsized enough for me to like that really started Judgment Day, Yes, terminated.

To a Judgment Day.

That really started my love of dirt bikes. Like just being this the freedom of like being a kid to just like go out into the world and just drive. Yeah atm just have a rat tailed friend with the boom box like that.

That.

Yeah, that this really made me, like, I don't know, for some reason, that seemed like a fantasy world to me. So and also I think X Games and like all that stuff was happening around the time I was I was coming up, so I really really really wanted a Suzuki, like specifically a yellow Suzuki dirt bike. And the what I got instead was my mom took me to the store and let me sit on it for a little bit.

Yeah, and that was about it. Oh and she bought me.

Some some gear so I could dress up for Halloween and that that was my consolation prize. And then I'll flip the yes, yes, yes, but I'll flip it and say the gift that I got wasn't surprisingly shitty. I got a gift that I thought was gonna be shitty and it was actually really really good.

It's very mundane. It was an electric toothbrush.

When I was like in seventh grade and I was like, I was like, what the fuck is this ship. I was like, I don't want I don't want to do it, like hygiene, what are you talking about.

I'm trying to get fucked up on sugar today.

And then as a seven year old on Christmas morning.

My aunt gave it to me.

Shut out Aunt Jock, and she gave me this toothbrush and it changed my life. I was I really started taking my dental hygiene seriously after that. I don't know, there's not a cool story behind it. It is what it is.

Yeah, it activates that adult in you. I'm sure you're like, yeah, shit, I'm cooking, I'm brushing like the fucking big folks.

Now, yeah, absolutely, parents, man, parents, man, that you want a motorcycle to gets you a toothbrush.

You know?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I will say it says a lot about justin that he's like and it actually was smart and it worked out really well. Yeah.

Now I have great teeth and he's a good kid. He's a good kid.

Yeah, well that was someone else's decision. But I bought for myself with the first one hundred dollars I ever, like had cumulatively that I saved over like six years. Paul Wall was just coming up with Mike Jones, and I bought myself a fake ass grill for Christmas.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It was like it, would you have the whole top diamond in the bottom rolls gold?

No?

I I had both both top and bottom were had the little fake diamonds in them.

Oh yeah.

And I went to school. I was sounded stupidry.

Sound I sounded. My mom was like, are you sure you want to spend your money on this? Is like, hell yeah, I was going to be cool as man. She's say.

I bought like six six carrot canary yellow fake yellow diamond earrings out of the back of the source. When I was in high school. My mom my mom, like at the time, you know, I wasn't ordering ship. She's like she thought it was something like misaddressed for her, and she was like, what the fuck is this. I'm like, they're my diamond ears, like you wear this ship and I'm like, yeah, like when I have, you know, my ears are pierced, Like she knew my ears were pierced.

Man yep shout out to parents. Let us make her own fashioned mistakes.

Yeah, Chris, what was yours?

So?

Uh, I wanted a drum set and I was like fourteen or something and it was like a big thing. So I'm mom took me to look.

At it ahead of time.

He's just like, not something, you know, it was a big yeah.

Right.

So it's like, we went to this guy's house in somewhere like forty five minutes away in Wallingford, Connecticut, I think.

And totally irrelevant, but uh.

No, maybe they're still for sale up there, so we went go check it out.

So we went to.

This guy's house and we went in there and it was like he offered, like I don't know. He was some older guy, you know, probably had a cover band or whatever, and he was quitting and he had, you know, a mullet or whatever, and he offered me the whole room full of drum stuff. It was a lot of stuff for like four hundred bucks. And my mom was like, that's too much money and we went home.

Wow.

Shit.

And in retrospect, it's so funny because like it's like, okay, Mom, well then I'll just become an alcoholic. I mean, I feel like that was a real moment that she didn't realize. She was like, yeah, I'm not going each of these drums, So have a nice time in this town with just like a golf course and some woods have fun.

Yeah, go out to night have fun, right the woods Man where all the porn is Oh shit. So I feel like that's also one of those things where it's like get your kid drums, Like seems like a good idea until you think about it for like fifteen minutes however long the drive was to Wallingford. Yeah, then you're like, oh my god, this is gonna be an absolute nightmare for me and our entire like everybody within earshot.

I understand the thought process, you know, but I think that's like for me, I just look at it like, you know, I could have been you know, I.

Don't know, you could have had a druma company to this appearance.

I could have been freaking you know, Neil Pert. Instead, I end up from this funneling, funneling the most beer at Trinity College could have been.

Now I'm at the edge of the bar, feeling real hurt.

Exactly.

Yeah, right, that kind of bar. Yeah, that's a bar. There's a trauma bar. Wait. Didn't you also say you got something from your grade?

So h Yeah. This is a sad story, but maybe it'll help some people who were going through this because it really was like something I forgot about until I was in therapy and I remembered a couple of things. And this will make my mom real sad, but it's

Hope that just broke me.

This is but this is, this.

Is important because I'm gonna try and this is this is like a teachable moment. I like to joke a lot about smoking old cigars, but I want to give a decable moment to the young people listening.

Okay, Victor, that's a I know it's a tough act to follow.

Damn. I don't think I specialized properly because like my like me and my family we would always just buy our like buy ourselves the gifts that we wanted and then give it to each other and then they'd wrap it and then on Christmas we'd be like, holy shit, you gave me this, and it was like I bought it for myself, you know.

Wow, that's not an agency.

Yeah, and I never really wanted to, Like that's why I never really wanted anything. So I'd buy like the cheapest Lego and just give it to my mom and be like, can you give this to me for Christmas? And then she'd give it back to me. And now, like you know, I'm like an adult trying to like buy Christmas gifts, and I'm realizing this is very difficult because they're not buying the gift for themselves and giving it.

To me to wrap.

So I don't know. I guess I always wanted like the four hundred dollars Lego sets that I didn't have enough money for. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but I always got vaguely what I wanted, which is pretty cool.

I just love that too. Like Bays in the chat, that's like most Asians it. I mean the gift giving too. There's so much of it is just sort of like, what you want, here's the money for it. Just leave me alone. Yeah, exactly, that's your gift, you do. We need a whole event around this, uh. And sometimes I appreciate that because as a child, when you're looking for a gift, it's purely just about like give me, give me that, yeah, and that's it. It's not about Jesus. We've really gotten.

Lost in I got to make up for this horrible story. I told my parents gave me everything I wanted. I got like Cleco Vision and and like Space Laser Fight.

And you guys don't even know what I'm talking about.

And I got Are you just like making stuff up?

I don't know?

I got, I got double damn.

Yeah, Space Laser Fight by Bambino. If you guys don't know about that, man, ads were so effective and that was a good game for its time, you know. I mean we're talking about a period that we went from pong to people fighting with lasers anyway, Oh yeah, this thing.

Talking about the history of video games. Yeah, Space Laser.

Fight Bye Bye by Bambino. And I always thought Bambino was a badass name for a electronics company. Yeah, they had the Bambino And it was also smooth, like the console of the Space Laser Fight was very like, you know, it's like a pre iPhone, like real smooth, plastic pleasing, like you wanted to rub it. I haven't seen it. Oh my god, that thing.

Was so badass.

I haven't seen it.

I've seen it. While it's a good looking unit.

It was a good looking unit and it felt good and it made you feel like everything was gonna be all right.

Yeah, and it's with that smooth plastic Chris crofton Victor right, justin Connor, thank you guys so much for joining us this the day after Christmas?

Chris, where can people find you? Follow you, read you all that good stuff.

Well, if everybody didn't already get a copy of The Advice King Anthology for everyone they know for Christmas? Yeah, great, they can get it for them for whatever the next holiday is, Yeah, New Year's that's Chris crofton The Advice King Anthology, my book that came out on Vanderbilt University Press. You can get it anywhere. I don't care where you get it. Get it from the Evil Empire, get it from Amazon. I don't care because it's got the instructions

It's me there.

It is to producer Victor. Where can people find you?

Yeah? You can find me on Instagram Victor Right four three eight. You could also catch me on Hookemon Go v Man four three eight. I always send people gifts so that they could send me gifts back, and then I have podcasts chewing up the Scenery where me and my lifelong friend Nick we talk about movies and shit. One of my favorite episodes is going Down talk about the movie JFK and Nixon. So we do presidential history, movies and all kinds of shit.

So just check it out.

Hell yeah, justin anything.

Uh you can find me a J Con the Smith that's J C O N t H E S M I T H on Instagram. And uh yeah, I don't have much to plug right now.

I have a few things in the works, but uh media, I've been enjoying.

Uh, I've just been playing a lot of Spider Man two on Station five Super fun.

Hey the guys child make an appearance.

Yep, I had to go grab them.

That's right, Miles is baby?

Say something definitely and fit a bar tell him, tell him, yeah, he's got a new baby. You got a new track coming out? You know, Adonis Drake's son had a track at six years old. We're gonna put someone out soon, break that right, say something, do something.

How old is he?

He's like, he's ten months old?

Now, wow, he's looking good.

Look at that hair.

Yeah, you totally man a Marvel.

I look at every night and I'm like, what the fuck did I do wrong and not have this baby's hairs? Do you have hair as a baby? Oh yeah, I came out to the scalp was blowing the fuck out like a grow room. You know what I mean. But yeah, the genetics got me. I don't know if I had a chance anyway, Miles of Gray, I believe it. I believe to go grab the baby because yeah, it's been real.

Ramshackle this uh this end of the episode, Jack underscore, O'Brien, that's gonna do it. We're back with more holiday year end stuff. That's gonna do it for like our Christmas stuff. I think. Now we're gonna gonna get into the year end stuff in the coming days and we will talk to you all then. Hope everyone is having a great holiday. Stay safe and don't put your feelings above children's. Nope, tomorrow, bye bye, bye bye.

M