Where’s Melania? The Melania Trump Files - podcast episode cover

Where’s Melania? The Melania Trump Files

Oct 11, 202319 min
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Episode description

Melania Trump: Donald’s third wife and America’s First Lady. From hating Christmas to tone-deaf fashion choices to Melania body doubles, here’s a look back at her time in the White House. 

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Transcript

Speaker 1

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Speaker 2

The first Lady of the United States. She's the partner of the President, hostess of the White House, and backup snuffle up Agus. But while hashtag all wives matter, there's one first lady who matters more than any other. Milania Trump, wife further fashion Icon, Animal Lover, Colonial Explorer. On January twentieth, twenty seventeen, this third wife became America's first Lady. It was a moment she celebrated with great joy and instant regret.

And while public life can put a strain on a relationship, it only made Milania and Donald stronger. Since day one, they've been inseparable if you don't count the six months she stayed in New York while she reportedly renegotiated her prenup. But after that it was a love story for the ages, those ages being a hot fifty and I don't know, ninety seven. During their time in the White House, Milania and Donald were often seen taking long, romantic walks, holding hands,

trying to hold hands, and refusing to hold hands. Yes, you could always see the look of fiery passion whenever Milania was at her husband's side, and it's easy to see why the First Lady's husband lived to spoil her.

Speaker 1

It's Malania's birthday, so happy birthday to Milania. Do you want to tell us what you got her?

Speaker 3

Well, I better not get into that because I may get in trouble. Maybe I didn't get her so much.

Speaker 2

There's nothing more romantic than a man of mystery. But a First Lady's job is more than just being a devoted wife. She's also in charge of turning the White House into a white home, and Milania nothing stand in her way.

Speaker 4

Malania Trump is defending a tweet she sent out about construction on the White House tennis pavilion, which some have criticized as tone deaf amid the coronavirus outbreak.

Speaker 2

Yes, even in the midst of a global pandemic and with less than six and a half weeks left in office, Milania had the courage to do something literally no one was asking her to do, personally, renovate the White House tennis court in foreign shields with a golden shovel. And while this renovation was so masterful it made the Property Brothers look like the Trump brothers. Amazingly, it came just months after her previous masterpiece, the new White House Rose Garden.

Speaker 1

The intensely private First Lady is facing the glare.

Speaker 5

Of the spotlight yet again, criticized for her recent renovation of Jackie Kennedy's famous rose Garden, the Rose.

Speaker 6

Garden that she puts some pretty dramatic changes to.

Speaker 2

Good for Milania. Who needs roses when a virus is destroying everyone's sense of smell?

Speaker 5

Anyway.

Speaker 2

Besides, if there's one thing a supermama knows, it's the importance removing unpleasant shrubbery. And at no point was Malania's flair for design more apparent than during the holiday season, when every Christmas she chose a fun holiday theme like ho Ho horror movie and The Grinch Who Murdered Christmas, all while never losing the spirit of the season about the Christmas stuff. Yes, thanks to Milania, America is saying, who gives a book about Christmas?

Speaker 7

Again?

Speaker 2

But perhaps Malania's greatest legacy as First Lady was her celebration of all God's children whose parents could prove they were citizens.

Speaker 4

This is a picture of Melania tron boarding Air Force Wane to head down to McCallan, Texas to visit some of the children being held in detention center. She's wearing a green jacket. On the back, it's written in white. I really don't care, do you.

Speaker 1

Wow?

Speaker 2

Only Milania could pull off a sleeveless dress and a heartless jacket. But other than that, Milania overflows with love for children. You see, she's not just the stepmom of these four little boss babies, She's the nation step mom there for America every other weekend and on holidays. So when she saw the bullying epidemic that was tormenting the country, she stepped forward with the grammatically courageous initiative.

Speaker 8

Today, I'm very excited to announce be Best, an awareness campaign dedicated to the most valuable and fragile among us, our children.

Speaker 2

Milania told children across America to be best and be best they beat. Just look how much this bully learned.

Speaker 8

Bernie Sanders, Crazy Bernie, greatest loser on Earth.

Speaker 9

Crazy Bernie, one of the greatest losers of all time.

Speaker 1

This guy, no, but I meant that in a nice way.

Speaker 2

So thank you, Milania. You made America smile, and we hope we made you smile. Now there it is, wait, false alarm, there we go. Okay, whatever.

Speaker 9

Last week was President Trump's first international trip. Instead of his visits and looking at the effects on US Israel relations, everyone was focused on Donald Millennia relations.

Speaker 3

The thing that got enormous amount of media attention had to do with Milania Trump the First Lady and some video. Was this an actual.

Speaker 8

Slap or did she just pull her hand away?

Speaker 10

Well, she pulled her hand away, but I didn't quite see the contact of a slap.

Speaker 1

Wow.

Speaker 9

Leave it to Fox News not to recognize what rejection from a woman looks like.

Speaker 11

She h she slapped his hand away, which probably means she wants a promotion.

Speaker 1

First ride.

Speaker 9

Now, on the next leg of Trump's trip, which took him to the Vatican, Trump's hands really couldn't catch a break because this time the First Lady gave him the old down load too slow, which made me wonder, Like, when you watch that, do you think maybe Millennia is jealous? Maybe that's what this was about.

Speaker 11

Oh, now you want to hold hands, Donald? You sure you wouldn't rather be holding that ORB? I remember when you used to touch me like the orb. Donald, I told you, Millennia, me and the ORB was the one time thing the orb means rah. Thing to me means nothing.

Speaker 1

I was barely hard.

Speaker 9

I know a lot of people think we hear the Daily Show and nothing but hate us when it comes to the White House, but that's not true. I've always been a fan of Millennia Trump, you know, as a fellow immigrant. She inspires me because I know that I can never become President of the United States, but if I work hard, I might become First Lady. So she's my role model, which is why today Milania Trump is in my thoughts.

Speaker 3

First Lady. Milania Trump is hospitalized tonight after undergoing a surgical procedure on her kidney. The White House saying the procedure was for a benign condition and that there were no complications. President Trump tonight visiting his wife, who's expected to remain at the military hospital for the rest of

the week. They're saying that they want to go ahead and keep her for a week, which is unusual in the case like this, but it could be because she's the First Lady and they just want to pay extra attention.

Speaker 9

Yeah, she's staying an extra week. I feel like after a couple of hours, the doctor told her she could go home, and Milania was like, no, I should stay.

Speaker 11

I should stay until you check everything out, I stay longer.

Speaker 9

I was like, okay, well, miss first lady, since we're keeping you longer. Your husband is on his way to visit.

Speaker 1

Okay, pull the blog. We've tried everything. Pulled the blog. It's like, you're not on life support. I don't care. I just try it.

Speaker 11

See what happens.

Speaker 12

What's wild about the story is, look at these two people.

Speaker 1

How is she the one with the health issue? How I mean.

Speaker 9

Trump's blood type is KFC positive.

Speaker 1

He does not live a healthy life.

Speaker 7

At a rally last week, Trump vowed to fight for the rights of the LGBBQ community.

Speaker 9

You know, the weiratest part about this whole Millennia thing is she went into the hospital. It was supposed to be like a two day thing. Then she was there for a week, then was two weeks, then we didn't see her, and then now it's three weeks. And then they announced that maybe we'll see her at the end

of June. I don't know what that means. What was even stranger was that Trump he was walking out of the White House and then he was being interviewed by the press gaggle and then someone said, like, where's Milania? And he was like, Oh, she's fine, she's looking at us right now. And he pointed out a window and then all the press turned and there was no one there, and then he just walked away. And I was just like, is this like a real thing?

Speaker 7

Is this Like he almost said it, like he's being haunted by Millennia, Like he sees a ghost that no one else sees. But he's like so dumb that he doesn't know he's being haunted, because I'd bean like Trump would be that kind of guy. He's so like self abserlved that he wouldn't even know that he's being haunted.

Speaker 1

Like the ghost would be there and be like woo. They'd be like little.

Speaker 7

Kids riding bicycles in the White House.

Speaker 1

And he'd be like, Barren, your friends are here.

Speaker 11

Do you guys know about my electoral college victory?

Speaker 7

Like the lady from the Ring would come out of the TV and then Trump would grow po and she'd go back in. She'd have to like test the fry in front of Congress.

Speaker 9

There's actually some fake news that is plaguing the president right now. It's about Millennia.

Speaker 6

The fake Millennia conspiracy is back. After the first Lady's visit to Alabama and Georgia this week. The theory that Milannia Trump had a body double for public appearances began in twenty seventeen that was denied by fact checkers. Now, though again, Twitter users are comparing this to other images, arguing it's not the same woman, but many also commenting lighting and makeup are likely causes for the mistaken identity.

Speaker 9

How is this on the news?

Speaker 6

How is this even a thing?

Speaker 9

Of course, Millennia looks a little different on some days, all right, She's a person. Every person looks different day to day. This was me like two months ago. Okay, this was me three years ago, all right, this was me yesterday when I found out j.

Speaker 1

Loo is engaged. Okay, I look different.

Speaker 12

I look different because clearly I'm so happy for her, and like the twentieth best Yankee, I'm very happy.

Speaker 7

I'll be fine. I'll be fine. I just I want to a rod for myself.

Speaker 9

So please, guys, let's start with this whole fake Millennia business, right, because it's not true. Although I will say this, if you do zoom in on that picture, there is something a little suspicious, and that is that they're holding hands. So on second thought, maybe fake Millennia.

Speaker 10

Yesterday was a momentous day for Donald J. Trump. He was indicted for thirty four counts of falsifying business records and also one count of clog in the courthouse toilet. They added that one at the last minute.

Speaker 1

So old Trump.

Speaker 10

He went down to the courthouse, looked around stupid for a couple of minutes, and then fled on his private jet to Florida because, as you owe, no, Florida does not have an extradition treaty with the United States.

Speaker 13

In a defiant speech at mar A Lango, the former president claimed he's a victim and targeted the prosecutor and judge in the case.

Speaker 9

They can't beat us at the ballot box, so they try and beat us through the law.

Speaker 1

The criminal is the district attorney.

Speaker 9

Why have a Trump hating judge with the Trump hating wife and family?

Speaker 1

Who who you know?

Speaker 5

Go to trial and talk shit about the judge? That's bold. The judge could destroy you. He could destroy you and you rolling them up.

Speaker 10

You about to fight cocaine bad You don't offer him crack first.

Speaker 1

And he didn't just call out the judge. Trump called out the kids.

Speaker 10

You don't pull the kids and the even rappers don't go after the kids, and they murder each other. And and Trump said, the man has a Trump hating wife. But to be fair, to be fair, I don't even know if that was an insult because Donald Trump also has a Trump hating wife. Yeah, you can't tell me, Milania don't hate that man. If anything, this week was confirmation if y'all think, let me ask you this sent During Donald Trump's forty five minutes as a political prisoner, where was his wife?

Speaker 6

So many people noticed the former First Lady, the former president's wife, Belania Trump, was not in attendance last night.

Speaker 5

His wife, former First Lady Milania Trump, she was not there.

Speaker 13

Among the guests were ardent Trump supporters, including Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Green and the My Pillow founder Mike Lindell. One person noticeably absent last night was former First Lady Milania Trump.

Speaker 10

Even the pillow salesman showed up for the speech, but his own wife didn't show up. And the speech was at the house, Blaniga didn't even come downstairs. She opened up the bedroom door. Oh you're back from prison already. Now, look,

we're making jokes. We're making jokes. But there's nothing funny about a former first Lady not showing up to her husband's speech where he's complaining about getting arrested for lying about paying off a porn stock Frankly, I'm concerned about Milania's whereabout, so we launched a search for that search is being headed by a very own dull. Say, Sloan, don't say, we'll say, they'll say you're in Florida. You're in Florida, dull sir, Yes we are. We are very

poor dus. Now, I mean why you're down there on the coast. Are there any signs of Milania down there?

Speaker 4

Oh?

Speaker 14

Not yet. You know, I've been looking for her at the beach all day, and after this, I'm going to look for her at brun And then I might not gonna look for her at the front row of a Magic Mike show.

Speaker 11

You know, I'm.

Speaker 14

Vigilan, you know, vigil antsy out here?

Speaker 10

Yeah, ain't the Magic Mic show in Las Vegas. I think you're taking advantage of the corporate expense account. We'll talk about that later, but first, let's let's just while I got you, let's just talk about this whole thing. Don't you think that Millennia should leave Donald Trump. I mean the man was paying hush money to poorn stars.

Speaker 14

Roy, Roy, Roy, you don't understand, son. The hush money was for Millennia. She's the reason he didn't want people to know about Stormy Daniels.

Speaker 1

Shit. If he wasn't married, his campaign slogan would have been a porn.

Speaker 15

Stars Okay, before Millennia, he paid a poor star.

Speaker 1

One hundred and thirty thousand dollars. Oh to know a love like that?

Speaker 6

Oh?

Speaker 1

Okay, you know what I mean. You know it's kind of romantic for a man to just break bread like.

Speaker 10

That's okay, I got you. Then, So then you think Milania should stay with Donald?

Speaker 1

No, he cheating on her with a porn stime. Come on, I've dumped men for a lot less. I broke up with a guy last week because he left me a voicemail. A voicemail, sir, what year do you think this is?

Speaker 14

Just leave a comment on my TikTok like an adult grandpa.

Speaker 10

Okay, so I see what you're saying. So then you think Milania should have dumped Trump back in twenty sixteen? Gotcha?

Speaker 6

Oh?

Speaker 14

Hell no, listen, uncle Roy, are you listening in why would she dump him when he just got elected? L presidente?

Speaker 1

You cheat on me? You think I'm gonna let some porn starvey the.

Speaker 14

First lady with the hell Now, nah, bitch, I'm getting a portrait, Okay, a real one with paint and shit. Okay, okay, okay, I'm talking about a canvas an eagle and we're gonna sit there for seven hours and look happy.

Speaker 6

Damn it.

Speaker 10

Okay, doing every which way? Then, does say just tell me what the hell should Malania do?

Speaker 1

Then you should be doing what you've been doing. Take advantage of Trump.

Speaker 14

But he's president, and when he's not, let his ask twist in the wind while you're at home watching Martin ree.

Speaker 1

Runs and banging these pool boards. Okay, I mean she's doing it at mar A Laza right now. Wait, so you know what she is?

Speaker 10

Why are you running up an expense account over my week?

Speaker 6

What you what?

Speaker 10

This is my week hosting and you running up to build with all this travel.

Speaker 1

Come on, wow, this is how you treat a black woman. No no, that's not how a minute life women's history mon no no no no no no no no no no no no no, that's not how many what is not how many w that's not no, no, no, no no.

Speaker 10

That means no.

Speaker 14

I should be out here with a tell far Back and Morris check Nut and you out here trying to act like I'm not doing my job.

Speaker 1

You know what I'm gonna get on my jet ski. I got to do with you. I got to do nothing this too for my jet ski. They'll say, salo on, everybody.

Speaker 3

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Speaker 3

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Speaker 1

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