You're listening to Comedy Central. Wow, tonight, I want to talk about the scariest topic you'll ever hear about on the campaign trail, the Southern Border. Sorry, that was the wrong sound effect. The Southern border say, I'm not so scary. It's all about how you frame it, because whenever Americans
hear about the border, it's always so negative. But the truth is, America's southern border has a rich history, steeped and cross cultural poll nation because for thousands of years that area has been the grand central station of the continent. In fact, for over a century, America had no barrier at all on its border, and when they finally put one up, it had nothing to do with people. In the early nineteen hundreds, ticks are causing disease among cows
and rural areas. Those cows are crossing back and forth over the border, so the first ever border fence is actually built to keep cows from spreading disease. That's right, the first border fence was to keep out ticks. It's the one time it wasn't racist to say we got to stop these filled the animals from coming over here. And that's just one of the many things people get wrong when it comes to America's southern border. So I thought tonight you could separate border myths from border facts
and another installment of long Story Short. Look, we can talk about numbers or figures or demographics, but the immigration debate is never about facts. It's about fear. Hordes of machetti wielding illegals are poring over the borders to take your job and put fittanol in your guacamole. That's why it's always called extra yo. This type of rhetoric isn't
meant to solve any problems. It's meant to dehumanize immigrants into zombie criminals, because then all you'll want to do is build the wall, the phrase made famous by the man who might have to hold his next inauguration in prison cafeteria. Most illegal immigration is coming from our southern border. We will build a great wall, and we will stop illegal immigration for good. We'll build a wall. Folks, don't even worry about to go to sleep. Go home, Go
to sleep. Rest is shut. Go to sleep, Go to sleep. This is the worst bedtime story ever. Now one of these kids alf not to here. Trump tell it a wall would put a stop to illegal immigration. But that's a myth because the truth is these days, a majority of undocumented immigrants come into the country legally and they're
all they just overstay their visas. That means most illegal immigration doesn't start at the Rio Grande, starts at the airport, between the centerbutton and the baggage clan and by the way down, Trump, of all people, I thought you would understand wanting to stay longer than you're supposed to. Yep. And here's another myth, because for some demogogues, brown people come in America isn't scary enough on its own, So there's one specific type of immigrant that they want to
scare you about. The drug smugglers, illegal immigrants from Mexico who are trafficking these pills that look like candy for children into the country. They're carrying drugs on their back and they're bringing fentnyl. Those people are bringing in fentanyl, which is killing thousands of Americans every month. It's not like fentanyl walks across the border by itself, comes with illegal immigrants. Of course, fednyl doesn't walk across the border
by itself. Do you know the street value of fentanyl? That bitch drives a caddy. But yeah, they want to scare you about the hordes of criminals coming across the border to profit off of our opioid crises, which is messed up because that's what we have pharmaceutical companies for it. But the truth is that only point zero two percent of people arrested by border patrol for crossing illegally had fentanyl on them. But guess who is being arrested for
smuggling fentanyl American citizens. They're eighty six percent of convicted Fendel traffickers. So when you think about fednyl trafficker, think less about this and more about this. Bro. Dude, I got fednyl off my ass, I got in my ears, I got up my nose. I wish I had another arfice, I'd pack it up full of fednol. But you know how it goes, bro. And here's a bigger point I'm trying to make. The vast, vast majority of undocumented immigrants
do not sell drugs. They do not shoot people, they do not commit terrorism, they do not commit any crimes. They're human beings searching for a better life and they don't want and they don't want to get in trouble, especially since they don't want to get caught and be deported. I'm the same way when I'm in when I'm a guest in someone's house, I'm on my best behavior. I take off my shoes, I hauled in my farts, I'd
bring a bottle of savignon blanc. But then when I'm in my own house and I'm in the living room terrorizing the couch of my bare balls, that's a different story that we shot that before I shaped the beard job. Anyway, here's another These demagogues say that migrants are stealing American jobs. When you have a wide open border and you've got millions of illegal aliens coming into our country, where do you think those people are gonna do. They're gonna go
take jobs that could have otherwise been American jobs. Millions of American jobs are disappearing at the hands of illegal immigrants. Joe Biden's five million illegal aliens are on the verge of replacing you, replacing your jobs. Yeah, these immigrants are taken all the jobs, food jobs, farm jobs, steve jobs, all of them. These demogogs want you to believe that if you lost your job, it's not because of corporate outsourcing or automation, or the destruction of unions, or cost
cutting to maximize profits for shareholders. No, it's Jose's fault. Shame on New Jose. But the truth is, undocumented immigrants are mostly filling jobs that Americans have no interest in doing. I mean, now you gonna tell me there are Americans just lining up wishing they could pick vegetables in the sun all the livelong day. America is a trip. Man. First you didn't want to do any of the field work, and now you want to do all the field work.
Make up your goddamn mine. All right, So, long story short, we can debate about the border, but what we can't do is dehumanize these people. That's not going to lead to the right policies. That's only going to lead to tragedy. So the next time you hear people scaremongering about the water, remember they're not preaching facts. They're promoting fear. And that's the only wall they've built, the one between themselves and reality. Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by
searching The Daily Show wherever you get your podcasts. Watch The Daily Show weeknights and eleven tenh central on Comedy Central and stream full episodes anytime on Fairmount Plus. This has been a Comedy Central podcast w