You're listening to Comedy Central, w this is a piece of interesting news that that happened to it. So they found a shipwreck from I don't know how many years, hundreds of something years ago, and it's like it's like another one of those stories, you know when they go like, oh, they went somewhere, was actually a South African ship. Props to South African ships, you know how we do. It was a South African ship that like went somewhere to
find the ship that was wrecked. And I don't really care about the details of the shipwreck, I'll be honest, because it's like the ship sank I don't care about ships. That's saying I prefer the ships that didn't sink um. But this is what gets me right, is how come you're allowed to just keep what you find in a shipwreck? Like I don't understand why, like law in the sea, just as like it's like pirate law. Essentially everywhere else
in the world we have laws. You know, like you can't find a thing in the desert and keep it. You understand that no one like lives there's like big pieces of the desert, but you can't just find ship there and keep it but in the ocean, you can just do whatever you want. Find a ship yours, that's it. You can't do that anywhere else. And they're like, no, it's the finders keepers law, maritime law. You find it and then you've got it, and then you understand how
crazy that would before applied that law. Imagine if you had a mall and then like you lost your car in the parking lot and you're like, I lost my car and everyone's like, it's mine now, bitches. That's essentially what's happening here. This is the chaos. It would be fun, though, if we did have those laws in life, Like the next time you had a music festival, you're like, oh, I've lost my wife, and everyone's like coming to you from the heart of times where in New York City,
the only city in America. It's The Daily Show. Here's edition tonight, No more Matches for Russia, cancel, culture is out of Control, and Jolly Parton and James Banners. This is The Daily Show with Trevor Noah. Hey, what's going on? Everybody? Welcome to The Daily Show. I'm Trevor Noah. We are now entering week three of the war in Ukraine and there is a lot going on, both in the combat zone and around the world, so let's catch up on all the latest updates in our ongoing coverage of the
war in Ukraine. As you probably know, one of the big stories of Vladimir Putin's invasion of Ukraine has been the surprising resilience of the Ukrainian people. But what's been almost more surprising is that it turns out the Russian military wasn't as prepared or powerful or effective as everybody thought. Yeah, their tanks are falling apart, their trucks are getting stuck in the mud, and the soldiers don't seem very prepared, which is not what any of us expected. You know,
Russia struggling is not what anybody thought. It's like imagine if in Game of Thrones we waited seven seasons for the White Walkers and then when they arrived, it was just a bunch of old dudes using walkers, you know, I mean, it still would have been a better ending, but you know what I mean. You know, when you think about it, you realize there's a chance that Russia's nukes don't e in work. Yeah, because if you look
at the trucks, that gets stuck in the mud. You realize there's a chance that the nuclear weapons don't work, like they might press that red button and the nukes are just going to be like yeah, now, please note if I'm wrong about the nukes were all dead. So whatever you do, don't act on my intelligence. This is
just me brainstorming here. The point is that in the two weeks that this has been going on, Russia has only been able to capture completely capture one major Ukrainian city so far, but that hardly means that things are going well for Ukraine. Several other cities on the siege and facing constant bombardment, and Russian troops have taken control of one especially strategic assets. Ukraine is raising alarms about the situation. If that's your noble nuclear power plant, the
side of the world's worst nuclear disaster. Ukrainian officials say Russian forces disconnected the decommissioned facility from the power grid, but called for a ceasefire in order to restore power. Ukraine's Foreign minister says the plant has are of diesel generators that can power it for forty eight hours, but after that the cooling systems for spent nuclear fuel store There will stop making radiation leaks in a minute. Come on, Russia, can you not mess around with a nuclear power plant?
It's nuclear power. I mean I one season two of Chernobyl, Yes, but I also want to be around to watch season two of Chernobyl now. Thankfully, the International Atomic Energy Agency says that there's no danger of a leak right now, which is good news right now. But I mean, regardless, Russia, what are you doing? Huh? I mean, we're already dealing with one meltdown over here. The world doesn't need another one, and a Chernobyl disaster's bad news for you. Think about it.
I mean, best case scenario. Best case scenario, what happens if you screw this up? A lot of Russians get sick? Worst case scenario, the radiation is going to create an army of mutant super Ukrainians. And right now you can't even beat the regular one. So is this some if you ready want to make Now? While all of this is taking place in Eastern Europe, the West is still trying to figure out how it involved Nature should get
in helping Ukraine fights off the Russian invasion. Because you see, so far, nature has been sending a lot of weapons into Ukraine. They've been sending surface to air missiles, anti tank missiles, rocket launches, guns, ammos, some legos for the Russians to step on everything, and these weapons are all helping. But what Ukraine really wants, really, really really wants is some fighter jets, which apparently is a much trickier request.
The Biden administration racing to catch up to news the Poland is offering to provide used fighter jets MiGs that could ultimately be delivered to Ukraine, multiple sources telling CNN that report initially caught US officials completely off guard. Poland said it would give Ukraine all of its MiG twenty nine jets but transfer them to an American air base in Germany, but the Pentagon said no, that it's too close to direct US military involvement in the fight against Russia. Okay,
this is this is weird. This is really weird. Poland has offered Ukraine fights and jets, but they don't want to give the jets to Ukraine directly because then they will be in a direct role with Russia. So instead they want to give the jets to America, and then America hands them to Ukraine. But then America doesn't want to do that because then they're fighting Russia directly. So now there's jets and there's Ukraine, but nobody knows how to bring the two together. I'll be honest, I don't
know why this is so complicated. I mean, you've just got to treat these jets like an old couch that you don't want anymore, just leaving on the sidewalk. And then if Ukraine happens to walk by and finds a jet, I mean, what Poland got to do with it? Also,
I don't know if it's just me. I don't know if it's just me, but it's weird that they're going through all these mental gymnastics yet, because even if Poland finds some sneaky way to get these planes to Ukraine, is it Russia gonna know where the planes came from? You told us on the news, Comrade, did you notice Poland offered you couldn't jets? Now you couldn't has Polish jets? How did that happen? Yeah? Probably same way toast always lends.
Butter side down there. Life is crazy. We'll never know. And this has been a tricky situation since the war started. How involved can NATO get without Russia turning on them. And I'll be honest, I get it. It is hard to figure out, you know. This is like the ultimate conundrum of life. Sometimes, Like the other day, I saw a mugging on the subway, and I'm not going to jump into stop it because now that person is stabbing me.
So instead I said, hey, don't do that, and then immediately jumped off the train and I ran away, which I think struck the right balance. Now, while the war war rages on the West, economic war against Russia is ramping up too. Just yesterday, President Biden band all Russian oil from entering America. But that's created its own problems because America Ricans still need gasoline to drive cars and to heat offices and to set their homes on fire
for the insurance money. So President Biden is going around the world asking other countries to pump more gas to replace Russia's right. Unfortunately, some of the countries that could help America apparently won't pick up the phone. As Americans watch gas prices rise, The Biden administration is now looking at importing oil from hostile countries, but it's not going so well. The Wall Street Journal reports President Biden tried to call the leaders of Saudi Arabia and the United Irramembrance,
but they would not take his call. Officials from both countries are upset over American policy in the Gulf. Specifically, the Saudis want legal immunity for Prince Mohammed Ben Solomon in the US, he's facing several lawsuits over the killing of journalist Jamaal ka Shogi. Back in Saudi Arabia and the U a E also want more backing from the US and Yemen to quell the civil war there, and both are also reportedly not happy with the revival of the Iranian nuclear Deal. You have got to be kidding me.
Apparently Saudi Arabia won't even pick up the phone for the President of the United States. I mean, look, I know it's hard to arrange those calls. You know, real is eight hours ahead, Biden is asleep by four pm. It's a narrow window to make it work. But still, I must have been really embarrassing for Biden. Can you imagine he phones them and they don't pick up. He probably had to do that thing where you pretend that the other person did pick up. Ha ha, Yes, MBS,
my man, yeah, Ukraine, that is what I'm calling. You got me, baby? You got yeah? Oh I haven't been working out. Yeah. This kind of loves me. He loves me. Yeah, yeah, Okay, I'll call you back all right, love you too. You know what the White House needs to do, you know they should do for the situation. They need to redirect the call so that instead of Washington d C. It looks like the call is coming from Ohio. Yeah, because then the saudiast curiosity is going to get them. Phone's
gonna ring. They're gonna be like, ah, who's calling from Ohio? Do we know anybody from Ohio? And I was gonna be like, don't answer, don't answer, But what if it's Lebron I have to answer? Hello, Joe Biden? Damn it? You are right, ship, Yes, yes, I was hoping you with call now. According to the White House, According to the White House, this story is totally untrue. They deny it, which I would too. But either way, man, there's no denying that Saudi Arabia isn't playing ball with Joe Biden.
And you know what, you can say what you want, but this would have never happened to Donald Trump. Never, No one was ever ignoring Donald Trump's calls. Yeah, because if you ignored Donald Trump's calls, you didn't know how he would respond. Maybe he'd send an angry tweets. Maybe he just like banned your country from everything. You don't know. That's why I bet in these situations Biden actually wishes that he could hire Trump to step in as president.
Wild card. You know, just keep everyone on their toes, because if Trump was calling, you best believe the UE. They'll be racing to pick up the phone. Mr Trump. Mr Trump would here, We're here, hello, Julie, doc mad you a new way to rings were bombing the u A and the UFC just in case. Now. While Biden and nature wat trying to figure out how to get Russia back in line, people all over the world are trying to do their part to stand up to the
Russian regime. The only downside is that some people don't quite seem to understand the assignments. Backlash to the Russian invasion of Ukraine is leading to some misguided hostility in the US. Congressman Eric S. Walwell, who says that the consideration of kicking every Russian student out of the US should be on the Table. A young Russian pianist who is set to perform with the Montreal Symphony Orchestra this week,
has been struck from the schedule after protests. The Can't If Philomenical Chestra have removed the Russian composer Tchaikovski from its program of up and coming concerts due to the current conflict in Ukraine. The popular Russian restaurant in d C is now vandalized. D C police say several people broke windows and spray painted anti Russian writing on the Russia House restaurant. New York's Russian Sam of Our Restaurants says they've lost six of their customers. The co owner
is half Ukrainian. He said their sign has been kicked down, and people have been leaving one star reviews online, saying things like stop the war. Just because you're a quote unquote Russian establishment does not mean you cut of check to Prudent or his regime. Really, people, really, you know, the only thing worse than not getting help is getting help from idiots. People. Just because something is Russian doesn't mean it's automatically bad, all right, Like like Russian dressing,
for example. Okay, that that is bad that's actually bad. Yeah, that tastes like ketchup died inside a bottle of mayonnaise. But you get what I'm saying. Not all Russian things are bad because of what's happening in Russia. Do you understand you're not trying to be against the Russian people. You're trying to be against the Russian government to stop them from what they're doing in Ukraine. You understand that you can be anti Russia and pro Russian, all right.
It's the same way you can question the Chinese government's handling of coronavirus without punching Asian grandmothers in the street. Do you understand this? Americans, of all people, should understand this. Yeah. You know, sometimes people want to be separated from the actions of their government. Yeah, we've seen you Americans traveling around the world with your Canadian flags sewn on your backpacks, and you know, we can't tell the difference between your accents.
By the way, you might think it's a good idea to ban Tchaikovsky now, but wait until Christmas comes and you're trying to get your nutcracker on, then come talk to me. But look, idiots taking their anger out on Russian restaurants in New York. That's one thing. There is another backlash that's going on with corporations, which does make sense. Every day, more and more corporations are deciding they don't want to be a part of the Russian economy that
is funding this war. Right. As we told you yesterday, McDonald's, Starbucks, and now Coca Cola have announced that they're suspending business in Russia. Yes, which means the Russian people are gonna before to develop diabetes on their own now. Yeah, And today today another big names calling it quits. Bumble also announced that it will be discontinuing operations in Russia, removing all of its apps from the Apple App Store and Google Play Store in Russia and Belarus. And it's just
the latest company to do so. Wow, normal Bumble in Russia. That's harsh, and you need dating apps in the country with a cuffing season is ten months long? Have you seen their winters? And I know you might be saying, oh, Trevor, meeting women in Russia is easy. All you have to do is look inside a slightly larger woman. But that's not how it works. Don't be stupid. This is yet another hit to the Russian people because of what Putin
has done. And you know, when you think about it, because Russian people only get Russian news, they probably have no idea why all these companies are closing. None think about it. Every day, something else just disappears from their life. McDonald's gone, Starbucks, gone Coca Cola on you don't know why? Can you imagine how confusing that must be. It's probably Russians just walking around like huh, I guess I was
the only person drinking coke. Now, as always, where the Western companies move out, the Russian government steps in, and luckily for all the Russians looking to meet horny singles in their area, there's another app that's coming out. Comrades. Are you upset that Bumble has abandoned Mother Russia like coward? Well, do not worry, or we put you in jail. You do not need Bumble because Russia has new debthing ap
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putting out does not matter if you're already married. Is mildatory? All right? When we come back, Dolly Parton and James Patterson are joining me on the show. You don't want to miss it. Welcome back to the Daily Show. My guests tonight are legendary singer songwriter Dolly Parton and best selling author James Patterson. They're here to discuss the novel that they've co written about the country music industry and the album Dolly wrote to go with it. James Patterson,
Dolly Parton, Welcome to The Daily Show. I'm I'm I could. I could not be in a better place, because you realize I am talking to two of the most successful people in the fields that they do anything in. I mean, James Patterson, you've written books that have gone around the world. I mean, hundreds of millions of people have consumed them. Dolly Parton, we're familiar with your music. I grew up
listening to it with my mom. Like would be driving around and I like, folks fucking Beatles singing to your songs with Kenny Rogers, and I would like sing your part. My mom would do Kenny Rogers. It's it's part. Now you can't sing Dolly Parton to Dolly Parton, James, don't put me on the spot. Um Run Rose Run. It's
not dark, but it's thrilling. I mean, it's it's a it's a really different sites of the music industry than I think what a lot of people would have expected, you know, James, I I maybe would have expected something like this from you. But Dolly Parton, what made you think? You know what I'm gonna I'm gonna show you, guys, maybe another world in music that you might not be familiar with. And yes, it's fiction, but at the same time, it touches on some of the themes that people have
encountered in music. Well it does. And like I said, I knew all about the visions. And I've never written an album before. I've written books, written children's books and that, so I know what it's like to kind of rite. But I had often thought i'd liked to write an album when I was older, and so when James presenting me with this, I thought, ask, why would James Patterson even be searching me out? And I thought, why he
don't need me, look at what all he's done. But it made complete sense when he told me what what the book was going to be about. And I knew I really could because you know, I mean, Dolly came out of the hills of Tennessee and I came out of sort of a similar situation in upstate New York. And the character in the book also, I mean, we were both kind of million to one shots, and the character in the book is a million to one shots. She's very talented any Lee keys Uh, but that doesn't
mean you're gonna make it. But also her story, everybody has a story when they come to town. Everybody's got to pass their childhood and how they grew grew up. And everybody's story is is you know different. Everybody's life is a soap opera, and so it's really about her her story. She was running to something. She loved the music,
but she was running from something. So I knew that I could write great songs like all the bad people in town like Snakes in the Grass, about the bad managers and things, the guys that we because I've experience a lot of that myself, you know. When we met. So I go, I go back home, and and two days later I had I had some notes on for for Dollity to reactive. She sent me notes on the outline and she and she sent me the lyrics for
seven songs. Well, I got Todays. I had said to him, I said, now, look, if I'm not the kind of person, but if we're going to work together, I'm not going to just put my name on a book, you know, if you put my name if I don't really work and I so, how am I going to contribute the most to it? And then one day I thought, well, I write songs and I know these stories, and I would love to write a book, I mean, an album about these uh situations and the characters in the movie.
So it just seemed to false from natural and just really helped us both, I think. So it was just such a magical thing. It worked very quickly. It was kind of like a TV show where every week we would have another episode or another two or three chapters to mess around with and I really enjoyed it because it just seemed to work. I'll tell you what the best thing of all were We really become really good friends. You know, from my birthday she sang happy birthday in
me over the telephone. I mean, that's that's all it was. It was great. That's everything the book is. The book is already a success in your world just because of that. Um. Actually, James, from your side, you you worked with President Bill Clinton writing a book together. Now you you're a successful author on your own. I mean, this is what you do. You want of the most beloved authors around the world.
But now when you're writing with somebody who has their own points of view, who has their own fan base, who has their own style, I'd love to know how you find a way to meld those two worlds, you know, and and and the second part of that question is what were the biggest differences between writing with Dolly Parton and Bill Clinton. Well, the biggest difference between Dolly Dolly is a much better singer and Billes a better sax player.
I think unless she plays the sack. Uh. You know, they're both great to work with, and they're both friends. I mean, it's it's really that's the most proud. Just think to me about both of the relationships. Um, but the authenticity that built the president brought and then the authenticity that that we worked on in terms of run runs, run um and and now he goes there was never any bumps in the road ever, not one bumps. But I think people are accepted. She says, I can't sing.
I didn't like that. I know that perfect, but he can't, right. But I really think people are enjoying this book. Are going to enjoy it because I think, like you said earlier, they love to see the inside and the stories of these people. You know that some of the stories behind the scenes, what natural is kind of like kind of gives them an insight into the business in them and not just the entertainment entertainment side, you know, James Lost,
we spoke. We talked about your your family foundation and how you know you have scholarships and how you get books out to kids and just people who want to read. And it's it's really important to you, Dolly. I didn't know why you got into it. I've always known you as a philanthropist. I've always known you as somebody who loves giving back and you know, loves getting kids reading and loves donating books. But I didn't know why you got it. Is it true that your father couldn't read?
And so you said, you know what, not only is this important to me, but I think it should be important to everybody to to to be literates. I absolutely started the Imagination Library because from my father, who I loved to death, and he seemed to always be embarrassed and kind of almost crippled, you know, that he couldn't read, and he thought he couldn't read after he was grown.
But my daddy was so smart and so good and I just I just one day I just thought, you know, I'm going to start something where children can learn to read when they're in their young days. That's when their most impressionable. And I wanted to get my daddy involved with me in it. So my daddy, I took him
with me. He helped with, you know, with all the little things, and he just loved to hear the kids called me the book lady, and I'd say, this is my dad, and of course I didn't say anything about that.
But he couldn't read and write at the time, but anyhow, I was he got to live long enough to see Imagination Library doing so good, and he was so proud, And so I have to answer to say, that's one of the most proud things that I have ever I'm proud of so that I mean as anything I have ever done in my whole career because of the kids. That is so beautiful. I mean, I'm sure he's proud of you. I'm sure you know, and I'm glad that he got to see it. As you say, in in
his lifetime. People have been eternally grateful to your organization for this. You know. I remember as a kid, you know, one of the biggest things that changed my life was my mom spent the little money that she had to get me books, which changed my life forever. I was actually surprised to see that, um, you know, and I think it was a Kentucky state state legislator who said they don't want some of the books that you were offering because they didn't think it was appropriate for young kids.
What do you think some people miss in and around, you know, what kids can or cannot read, or how we process what we're reading. Well. I would never in a million years begin to think that I would choose those books. I don't choose. We have a whole committee of people that choose the books that are made up of parents and all different people. So I would never be so bold as it's like I knew what other people's kids should read. But it goes through a whole committee,
and so we do the best we can. And I'll let people thought that out a lot. Just want to be there for the I mean, there is no they're not going to be reading going with the wind, you know. So anyway, we let people figure that one out. But we do have other people that choose. They choose the book, not me. James, Are you going to try your hand at songwriting? Is this gonna rubble for you? On your side? Now you know what the answer is. But when I
was down here at Vanderbilt, you can't help yourself. So I did. When I was down here, I did try to write some songs. It wasn't a good idea. What do you think? What do you think is actually harder? Honestly, do you think it's harder to write a novel or do you think it's hard to write song? For you? Specifically? Well for me, no, for me, I can't know because I can't write country songs or any other kind, but you could. I mean you're a writer. Yeah maybe I
don't think the novel thing. I've kind of have a groove on it now, believe so yeah, and all kinds of now because I do the kids stuff and then nonfiction and you know, so we're you know, I I know what I can do and what I can't do it. Let's put it that way. Dolly. On your side, you you've said, and you know it's crazy that you have wishes that that haven't been fulfilled in life yet. But I know one of your wishes is you've said that you wish that Beyonce would cover Jolene. There are over
four renditions of Jolene, multiple different languages. People have done it, and you said you specifically want Beyonce to do that. Are there any updates? Is there? Like? Do you know of this happening? You know? And and why Beyonce? Maybe that's that's even more important. I don't know if she's even got the message, but wouldn't that be killer? I think she's fantastic and beautiful and I love her music. I would just love to hear Joe Lane done in just a big way kind of howth Whitney did my
I will always love you. Just someone that can take a little song to make them my powerhouses. So that would be a marvelous day in my life if she ever does do jo lane. Dolly. One last thing, you amously donated a million dollars for UM the research that went into helping us get the vaccine for COVID nineteen. How is it that you've always been on the right
side of history. You know, you've said amazing things during the civil rights movements, you know, when many people were far behind, you said amazing things like you know about equality, about women's rights. You've said amazing things now in and around the vaccines, like what is the magic of Dolly Parton? That you're always on the right side of history. I just love people. I think we're all God's children. I
make no difference in that. I always trying to find the godline and everybody always keep my my ear and I trained on what's going on. And I saw right away that that pandemic was going to be awful. I just sensed it, and I thought, well, what can I do uh to maybe help a little bit. So I donated the money to the research and I'm happy I did. I got a lot more credit than I deserved. But I am very proud of whatever effect that I had
on that going on, because it's still going on. But I just kind of be aware and want to help when I can. I think when you get in a position to help, you should. And you know the other thing is is, um, you know, Dolly does what Dolly does. But having been around her now for a year and a half, she is the smartest person I've ever dealt with. That's a piece of it. We thank you both to
the compliments. James Patterson, Dolly Parton, thank you for your partnership, and thank you so much for taking the time and joining us on the Daily Show. And we just love you. You have a lot of things too. You've just got that God blow and I love it. So keep up what you're doing. Thank you very much. There are a few moments in life that I think my mom would actually like consider as me making it. Interviewing Dolly Parton is one of them. Like of all the things in
life that is it. I'm gonna go back to her and be like, huh this now, and she'd be like, oh, you did one thing, well done. James. Really wonderful, see you again. Congratulations, it's it's it's it's a fantastic thank you so much. Thank you so much, Donny. Great meeting you. How do I will do? I will do, definitely sending it right to her. Okay, I'm gonna clip this and send it to her. Both the novel and the album
Run Rose Run are available right now. All right, we're gonna take a quick break, but we'll be right back after this. Well, that's our show for tonight. But before we go, please consider supporting Women Giving Back. Their mission is to support women and children in crisis by providing quality clothing and diaper assistance at no cost. Every year they provide over ten thousand women and children with these necessities. So if you can support them in their work, then
please donate at the link below until tomorrow. Stay safe out there, get your vaccine, and remember, nobody should be bullied because of where they're from. They should be bullied for liking things that you don't. What's the Daily Show? Weeknights Central learned Comedy Central in stream fool episodes anytime on Paramount Plus. This has been a Comedy Central podcast