You're listening to Comedy Central.
Chow from the most trusted journalists at Comedy Central is America's only.
Sorts for news.
This is the Daily Show with your host Michael Custom.
Welcome to the whole show.
Wow, I'm Michael Tassa.
We've got so much to talk about. Can I commalize? Putting on a festival?
Tucker Carlson makes everyone uncomfortable, And with the election just twelve days away, everyone in America is slowly losing their minds.
So let's get into it. Indecision twenty twenty four, with less.
Than two weeks until today, Kamala's calling in the reinforcements. Tonight, she held a rally in Atlanta with Bruce Springsteen, Tyler Perry, and Barack Obama. And she announced that on Friday, she'll be joined in Houston by Beyonce.
Baby talk about it yet.
The last time Beyonce appeared on stage with the presidential candidate was Hillary in twenty sixteen.
So things are looking good. It's in the bay. But don't get the wrong idea.
Donald Trump has been bringing in some special guests too.
I have never, I have never in my life, spoken at a political rally I've covered a million of them for over thirty years, and I've never spoken in one.
Never thought I would.
I can't believe I'm here.
Hey, I don't want to be a hater. He's excited for his first political rally. Seems like a perfectly reasonable time to laugh, like an old timey villain who tied a woman to the railroad tracks.
So let's hear what his argument is for electing Trump.
There has to be a point at which dad comes home. And when dad gets home, you know what he says. You've been a bad girl. You've been a bad little girl, and you're getting a vigorous spanking.
Right now.
You're getting a vigorous spanking because you've been a bad girl, and it has to be this way.
Okay, Okay, so this might be wide.
You've never been invited to speak at a political rally before you see America.
These Trump people, they aren't weird.
They just know that Trump is a big, strong daddy that's coming home to spank us.
All totally normal stuff. I can't wait to hear Tucker's thoughts on the economy.
Inflation is like a babysitter and she's been naughty.
But that's just me. Donald Trump, what are your thoughts on Tucker's intro. I'm gonna come right right. I think of this much.
I figured so Kamala and Trump are pulling out all the stops to get their message out to voters, but at this point it seems like many voters have heard enough.
How would you describe the onslaught of political ads so far this year?
Chaos, complete chaos, very ridiculous, absolutely no escape.
I mean, you go on TikTok, Facebook, It's everywhere.
We're all sick of it. I think it's overwhelming.
It's wearing me out, and all of a sudden, it's nothing but like legal immigrants, she's the borders are, she's not the borders are.
And we're just trying to get into false spirit, you know what I mean?
Yeah, yeah, Look what you've done, America.
You've ruined this man's false spirit.
You've made him so anxious he can't even enjoy apple picking anymore.
I'm just getting nobody really enjoys apple picking except for me, honey. I can't wait to go this week out.
Why would I want to sit on the couch and watch a football game when I could ruin my shoes to bring home seventy apples. I mean, we eat what one apple a week? It totally makes sense that we bring home two years worth of apples. But with the leftovers, you can make an Apple Chris. No one has ever made an Apple Chris. My point is there's a lot of political ads, especially in the swing states.
I spent a weekend in Pennsylvania recently.
In every single commercial break, it was Kamala Trump, Kamala Trump, on and on and on.
I actually wept.
Tears of joy when a Cars for Kids ad came on and then one of those kids said, Kamala Harris wants to turn me trans And I realized, just another campaign ad.
Jesus Christ.
And it's not just that it's annoying, this barrage of politics.
It's taking a toll on our mental health.
A new poll from the American Psychiatric Association finds that seventy three percent of people surveyed cite the election as a source of anxiety. Thirty one percent said they're fearful when thinking about the election now. A separate survey done by Pew Research found the majority of Americans feel exhausted when thinking about politics.
Most said it made them feel angry.
People's fearful bowel syndrome is flaring.
That happens every.
Election cycle, irit old bowel syndrome.
This election is so scary Americans are literally shitting themselves athout.
We got some sufferers in the audience that I.
Although this does work as a convenient excuse, you can leave the bathroom at your friend's place, like sorry about the smell election year. But if you ask me, there's one major sign that America has lost its mind this election, and that sign is our behavior around well signs.
They've been snatched from yards, burnt to pieces. In another critical battleground state, Wisconsin, police receiving several reports of stolen and vandalized signs, one letter left behind saying voting for Kamala Harris will lead to blood on your hands. Trump's supporter Ben Ganther says he isn't taking any chances after he had one of his signs stolen and another sign cut through.
They didn't get the Trump sign this time because I had wrapped it in chicken wire.
Man, are we really stealing signs? Now?
You know that person can still vote. It's not like if you take the sign off their lawn. They're gonna be like, huh, I forgot who to vote for?
What's that sign? Say, deer crossing. I guess I'll vote for deer crossing.
I don't know the only thing more deranged than stealing someone's sign is the lengths that some people are going to prevent that sign from being stolen.
A resident in Leesburg, Virginia, took matters into his own hands, sparking panic after rigging his anti Harris sign with tripwire and alarms. In Tempe, Arizona, police arresting sixty year old Jeffrey Michael Kelly for hanging multiple anti Harris signs with white powder and razor blades attached.
All right, you guys are really going to kill someone over a campaign sign? Pace yourself.
The Civil War doesn't start for a few weeks. But Jesus Christ Fellas, maybe it's time for a hobby. No, I never I thought I thought I'd say this, But if you tried apple picking.
My wife is looking for someone to go with.
But Trump supporters better watch out with their anthracs and their razor blades, because Democrats can hit back just as hard.
John Scarborough had a sign showing support for Vice President Harris and his garden until one night it disappeared.
I got some gold crafted glitter, mixed it up with some vasoline, and I smeared it on all four edges. You know, I don't want anybody to get hurt, but at least want them to understand that actions have consequences.
Yep, and there's the election in a nutshell.
The Republican strategy is to kill you, and the Democratic strategy is merely kind of gay.
Although hello, to be fair, if you.
Tried to get glitter out of anything, I'd rather grab razor blades, to be honest.
And you don't have to booby trap a sign to stop a thief. You just have to get high tech.
Missouri resident Laura McCaskill putting an Apple air tag on her Harris Walls signs after she says Steves stole them three times?
Did you open the tent of your vehicle and show us.
That it's not there?
Using the GPS to track down these young men and their mother, all this cameras rolled.
I'm sorry, this is funny.
Why don't you just take.
Them all here?
You go?
Liberals, Well, it's more than that, Actually it's not.
It's so stupid.
Just go vote.
It's a felony, ma'am.
It's not. It actually is.
I'm tired of hold on, hold on, you're giving them attitude for the stuff your son stole. That's the law and order party for you. No, see when we can make crimes. It's funny, okay, But honestly.
I'm disappointed at these high school kids.
They're spending their Saturday nights going around stealing political yard signs.
There are my kids.
I'd be like, you go up to your room and you smoke weed like a normal teenage boy.
Yeah, the way I did.
But I don't want to give you the idea that everyone is stealing yard signs, No, because some people are actually adding them. A Davis voter is raising concerns after a ups driver was caught on camera leaving opposing political signs on her lawn.
The driver here seeing walking up on the property leaving about ten tiny Trump flags.
When Shelley Bales checked the lawn of her Davis home, she found these nearly a dozen small flags supporting former President Donald Trump's twenty twenty four campaign.
Ah, make America cute again? Seriously, you call that a magaflag.
Good luck beating a police officer unconscious with that?
What are you even helping to achieve? With a flag that's small?
You think someone's gonna be walking by like wellos, I dropped my keys and I don't even know who.
To vote for. Hey, I have an idea.
You know the problem with all these people stealing signs, they face no repercussions.
Tucker Carlson was right. These people need a vigorous spanking.
Yeah yeah, these men, these men need their exposed bottom spanked, bright and rosy red.
I'm gonna come.
Yeah, we know, we look, here's the bottom line.
I know we don't like these elections the last two years and cost a billion dollars, but we've got to learn to deal with it. And don't give me the oh, what if we had shorter elections that cost less money.
That's just not how democracy works.
Okay, unless, of course, you're talking about Canada or France, or Britain or Germany or Australia or every other democracy on earth except for ours. Don't worry if you feel like you can't take it for another two weeks.
There is one new service that has a solution.
Millions are crossing our board the second Trump term.
Are you stressed and exhausted from this endless campaign, then you need hole for just twelve ninety nine a day. We'll drive you into an empty field and throw you into a hole, deep down in the dark. You'll be free from the flood of political noise, experience a piece you haven't felt in years. Kamala, who Trump?
What?
They don't exist?
There is only hole. Using cutting edge technology, we will build hole to your specifications and you'll have everything you need to get through the election. Hungary, We'll throw a bucket of votes into a hole.
Need you use the bathroom?
Just go in hole. Feeling horny, dig a smaller hole and go to town. Just listen to these satisfied customers.
I'm slowly losing my mind in this hole, but it's still better than deleting new to Pelosi's texts.
Thank you, Hole, I'm never leaving.
You at now, and receive our deluxe whole package. Fill up whole with you in it. Yes, whole, it's a whole.
Ye, I'll welcome back.
We'll find out if nerds, if it's Trump, don't go away.
Welcome back to the Beta show.
The campaigns are targeting all sorts of micro demographics in these last two weeks, Ronnie Chang sat down the one that's been getting some unexpected attention.
People have a lot of names for jd.
Vance, weirdo, oddball, so to f I'd freak seven days a week.
But does he deserve this reputation?
Thanks everything? Yeah, it'll be a lot of ways to pretticle stuff.
So these several rules whatever makes sense.
Nothing about the way he did that makes anything sense. And recently Vance's wife out at him on national TV for something even weirder.
He has all sorts of dorky interests.
I want him to explain what the dorky habits he had.
She said, he's gonna kill me for saying this.
But it's Magic the Gathering, which was a card game.
It's similar to like Pokemon.
That's right before JD. Vance was a powerful political shape shifter. He played Magic the Gathering, a collectible card game that's been around since the nineties. So we magically gathered a bunch of cod carrying dogs to see how they thought Vance's allegiance would affect their community. So what is Magic the Gathering and how would you explain it to someone.
Who doesn't give a fuck about any of this year?
It's a turn based card game. You get resources called manna, you get those by plane lands or other sources, and then you generally like will play creatures and then that's what you used to attack your opponent, and you try to accumulate evans over time.
Right, and at what point do you grow up and stop playing this shit? But how do these supernerds feel about one of their own trying to move out of his mom's basement and into the White House. Are you worried that Jdvan's playing Magic will make you guys seem weird? No?
No, No, he's a magic player, so either step up. In my book, you need a certain level of intelligence to play Magic, yep.
Because you're making a whole bunch of tactical decisions based on what's going on.
Why, like being able to decide like I don't ever want to have a woman touch me. I would rather play with some dudes in a smelly room.
It doesn't always well invest in here.
That's also I mean that his favorite strategy was something sinister.
I think I still don't understand this game.
Jdvan said that when he played Magic the Gathering, his favorite deck was yog Mouff's boggain, What.
Does this mean?
It's a commo deck where you get to trade your life away for power.
He's doing what he needs to win, and if he's been a dirty Yagma player, so is Yagma's boggin disqualifying the way like a fellow shouldn't be president.
I probably wouldn't trust someone if they're willing to sacrifice so much just to get ahead.
Like how JD.
Vans spend years talking about Trump and then totally flit and it's now running with him.
Yeah, people who played it one pretty much too much for it to be fun anymore.
You could draw twenty cards if you want, which gives you a ton of advantage.
You can't be touched for a whole turn.
I wouldn't worry about that.
I'm pretty sure that effect is in play independent of cards. But was Vance's nerd credit enough to work a little magic in the voting group?
Who here is voting for Trump? Vance? Who here is voting for Harris Waltz? Oh? And undecided voters?
What are you gonna do? Get in a voting move and roll a twenty sided die?
Oh?
Benk babe?
What's harder to explain to your family being an undecided voter or being an adult man who plays magic together.
Big undecided voter.
Actually, my parents are Haitian like born and raised, so they're like.
What do you mean we don't eat cats?
But like, did you tell parents that Jjdvans also played magic the gathering?
No, but I don't think that's gonna sway them.
Well, have these wizards and warlocks really undecided? I needed to explain politics in a way they could understand. Using a custom electure twenty twenty four magic deck, I gave these dorito munchos some truth to snack on.
I summon Jdvans to boy and wonder.
When JD Van's boy wander enters the battlefield, all Haitian creatures are returned to their owner's lands.
That's pretty from So.
Yeah, you thinking a little more decided now, I think so one down, three to go. However, these players were teaching me a valuable lesson that will all losers, but especially then you.
Want a creature like that gets exiled, you can choose, if it's your commander, to put it back in the command zone or leave it there.
How do I lose quickly choose wrong?
Yeah?
Yeah, I tooth wrong. Pick a number one, two, three or four? Okay?
All right?
Ready on one, two three? I picked three iphick two all right, so RFK Junior and Emon must die great.
I will pass the tim Please swamp.
I'll go find an island.
Can you you're not even having a little bit of fun.
I am having absolutely no funk time to do with all favor and January sixth, the shit.
Game over, Nerds.
Now go vote and don't tell anyone I wasn't smart enough to understand your dumb.
Da Thank you running when we come back back, Joe, if you're joining me on the shows, you don't go away.
Welcome Doctor Dash, my guest tonight, is a Grammy nominated artist whose New Stars series is called Fat Joe Talks.
He's also a healthcare reform advocate working with Power to the Patients. Please welcome Fat Joe. Yes, yes, Fat Joe in the house Bronx from the Bronx.
Let's go Yankees, Let's go Yankee?
Who Fat Joe?
I got to admit when I was introduced to you many years ago, you looked a lot different than right now.
Are you still more jandsome? Now? You are more handsome? Now?
All right?
Thank you brother, Are you still not fat Joe anymore?
Yeah?
I lost a lot of weight. Man, I'm trying to stick around. Man, Okay, like so beautiful.
Tell me about tell me about that journey. I think a lot of people can connect with that.
Well.
I lost a lot of weight, you know, I think on one at in two different layers. You know, I lost a lot of friends of minees at a young age, especially big punt, and I lost maybe one hundred and fifty pounds, and then I went back at it again and lost like maybe another one hundred one hundred and fifty.
Is that?
The hardest thing you've done is Nah, going to the hip hop industry, the hardest thing you've done.
What's the hardest thing you've done?
Well, the hardest thing I've done is trying to get a law passed in Washington, DC for healthcare price.
That's been my hardest.
It was easier to lose two hundred and fifty pounds to get a law passed and washing it.
Yeah, you know, you just want to live for me.
I've done it for so long already that it's just a way of life.
You know.
We cut cabs whenever we eat defensively Now so we stay off the rights, off the pasta off the you know, and work out, you know, and stay active and you know. But you know, getting the law passed in Washington is harder than losing two hundred and fifty pounds.
That's not defense, that's offense.
That's major offense.
I remember the first time I went to Washington, d C. A journalist met me at the stairs like, fat Joe, what are you doing here? I was like, Yo, I'm coming to get this stuff. She was like, good luck, that's never going to happen in Washington. But we've been getting a great reception. We started with one politician I believe it was Guthha Gufree from Kentucky. Now, last time I went over there, I had about ninety one hundred Congressmen and senator is there and we're supporting the Senator
bron Bernie Sanders bill for healthcare price transparency. So you know, this is the only thing you go anywhere in the world you don't get a price for it. There's over one hundred million Americans in debt due to healthcare price transparency.
So it's real in every family.
And so you want to create a system where they tell you the price is so we can know where we go, like if we know we're going for MRI.
Believe it or not, There's people going to the same.
Hospitals every day getting the same procedure by the same doctor. Somebody's paying twelve thousand, somebody's paying two thousand, somebody's playing five thouars.
It ain't even discrimination. It's just highway robbery.
Right, You don't see it'd be interesting if the doctor came in like little menu. I mean, am I right a hip replacement?
But do you just want to create a competitive system to where like anything else you want to know and you look at your three leading hospitals in your area and get it for the right price.
And that's what power to the patients? Yes, advocates for Yeah, yeah, So tell me exactly what power for the patients is?
Powers to the patients? Is an organization just fighting for the American people?
You know?
O two found this Kevin Mora and Cynthia Fisher. Cynthia had employees that worked for her for twenty years and never bothered her about anything. And finally she sees the man, the gentleman crying and he was like so embarrassed to tell her he don't know whether to send his daughter to college or pay for his wife's hospital Bill Man. And so there's actually people I come from the Bronx.
There's people afraid to go to the hospital to get health coverage because they're afraid of what the price is going to be in the lawn run, because this is like you're just pulling in the hat coming out with whatever. So that's why you see people limping across the streets. You see people struggling, and then it just like a snow pillows and before you know it, you're in real trouble.
So if you get the change that you're advocating for, a patient would now know the upfront costs at various hospitals of a procedure.
As well as enforcing it.
Okay, that's key.
We don't. We hate to admit it.
But Donald Trump passed similar law, right, but they never enforced I'm just telling you, of course, yes, no, yeah, I'm obviously not a Trumper, but you know, he passed a similar law which is not the strongest Senator broad or on Bernie Sanders, but they never enforced it. So the hospital's got a way. We're still moving the way they move it.
You got to have the press release, you got to have the headline moment.
But they didn't actually enforce that.
So if a patient knows what these things cost, they can make a more educated decision, because I got to be honest. I go to the hospital and you kind of check in I have insurance. I'm one of the lucky people that and then I leave. I get some shit in the mail that has a huge number on it, but I don't even pay that. I always just feel like it's the secret language between the hospital and the insurance company.
Man, let me tell you something.
There's a guy who went to the hospital for EpiPen and they charged him eighteen thousand. He went online and saw it for like one hundred dollars online.
Yeah, I think it's a guy in my subway stop. It'll give it to him for twenty five bucks.
Hey, maybe that's the guy who's selling me my OZEMPI.
I know.
Well, and I want to talk to you in a second about talking to Vice President Kamala Harris.
But you mentioned ozepic and.
Astonishingly some reversed diagnosis of your type two diabetes.
That why can you share that? Well, I don't give all credit to that. But twelve years old, I was diabetic, juvenile diabetes. I never knew in the hood that you could actually lose weight and get rid of the diabetes.
They never told me that.
I don't think a lot of people understand that now.
They was just giving me insulin and for years.
So once I started losing the weight one hundred and fifty pounds of this, I'm working out twice a day. My doctor tells me one day, you don't have diabetes, you don't have to take the insulin. I wind up arguing with my doctor. I'm like, yo, give me my insulin. You're trying to kill me. Like nah, you're doing great, you got rid of away. You don't need And then recently, in the last maybe like two years or something like that, the doctor was like, well, you ain't working out two
times a day, no more, Joe. You got to take some ozempic. And so due to diabetes, you know, and blood sugars. You know, I've been on that oz empic.
Okay, and you're healthy and strong and good. You're looking good.
I feel great.
Yeah, okay, great, let's talk about It's funny. It's funny when a doctor gives you good news, we start questioning, you know him or her.
I always look the diploma on the wall. Where exactly did they go? You know, Costa Rica.
I have the coolest doctor in the world, doctor Jean. They've been down in Miami. He saved my life. And so I go in there hang out with him and just talk and hang out in the office with him, and you know, just he's like a buddy. What the problem is when you invite your doctor for Thanksgiving dinner? One night he came to my house and I was I ate, like two olives for Thanksgiving.
Looking at me, I'm like, that's like this, you know.
Damn yeah, I'm.
Thinking up the place.
You just had an opportunity at the b et hip hop or words to interview Vice.
President Kamala Harris. How did it go?
First of all, wain't great.
Politicians politicians I don't want to say struggle. Maybe they're confused or maybe they try very hard to reach the black and brown men commune unity.
What can they do? Are they doing the right stuff?
I would think?
So it depends on what you know you're looking for, you know, and some people, of course, the black and brown community has been disenfranchised for many many years. But the men, I don't know. You know, this race just boils down to will a man vote.
For a woman? That's all. It boils down to.
I've done read the analytics, and every which way, shape or form is the obvious person to vote for.
Now are you going to be man enough to vote for a woman?
Right?
We them?
I like them?
What I like.
About you, In fact, Joe is not every artist is willing to share opinions like that, because there's a lot of people to buy music.
But you know, I'm a business man, and so every time I say stuff like this. The minute I said that, I said, okay, I'm gonna get threatened by my Republican partners.
I mean, they get furious. I don't even got to state nothing.
They see me, you know, they you know, I have friends on the Republican side who.
Want to save money in taxes.
And then I think about where I came from and the less fortunate people and women's reproductive rights and so forth, and so my heart leans morally to where I got to be. So but every time I say it, right.
Your new talk series, Fat Joe Talks, that's right. You talk to celebrities like method Man, But also politicians like Hakeem Jeffries and that's a good one. Yeah, well tell me is it important to talk to you? Did you tackle all different types of people on purpose?
Well, you know, yeah, for sure, Fat Joe talking. I'm available, Fat Joe talk, gotcha. And so you know, I get into it with Hakim Jeffries, the leader, and I asked him if the Aliens were real. I mean this guy would know, right. I'm like, yo, tell me about the aliens man. And so I'm just having fun and just interviewing icons. This week we got It's on the Stars Network, Go get the app. We got Mary J. Blige. This
week we got strictly icons. And my platform is all about inspiration, bringing inspiration and positive vibes to you.
It's crazy.
I did an interview earlier with the newspaper out in LA and they were asking me about the show, and I'm like, this is positivity. We tell you our story, where we came from, all the adversary, how we get through it. We're bringing up the youth so they could be inspired and they could see that it's possible. And then my publicist gets on the phone, it says, you
got time for one more question? The woman acces me the most controversial question you heard in your life, I said, miss, I've been talking you for half an hour, haven't you heard me? See, A good journalist is a good listener. You gotta listen to the talent what you say.
I'm sorry, you gotta listen. So right, But Big Joe, but Fat Joe likes to talk. So are you doing talking? Are you doing listening? You're doing everything.
I'm doing a little bit of both because I really like to talk, and so you're good at it.
Yeah, I'm really good at it, and I like to jump in. But I learned.
I learned how to just let the let the artist, the person talk, give me their perspective, and then I lean in. But I normally you won't get one word in in the house. And if you ever heard of this guy called DJ Khalid, you won't get a word in.
Be me and DJ I can't like yo, like, hey.
Yo, all he's saying is his name over and over.
Oh no, yeah, it's calig.
I don't get to talk to a lot of hip hop stars. So I gotta ask you.
When I see a video and everybody's got the money in the is that real money?
On set. Is that fake money?
Actually is?
I think it's fake money most of the time.
So my wife told me.
We got back from I hosted the BET Hip Hop Awards and I did my song making range. So these girls were throwing like money, and so my wife said, I found a bunch of money in your pocket.
I said, yeah, did you look at it?
She looked at it and had Fat Joe's face. That ain't gonna get your care. That ain't gonna get you a candy bar?
Right, I love you haven't had a solo album in fourteen years. All right, Now you're working with healthcare reform to have more healthcare transparency.
Can you be transparent with us? Is there a new Fat Joe album coming up?
Yes, there is. It's called The World Changed.
It's almost like I knew it.
It's cool. The world changed on me.
Oh, the world change.
I feel like I'm the last ungentrified.
I got the bodega, I got the bow dagga on the blot. Hell No, we won't go and we just gonna keep this real hip hop alive. I look at the world changed on me. It's pretty amazing.
I look forward to it. Thank you for chatting.
Thank you so much.
I'm check out Power to the Patients dot Org.
A new episodes without.
Joe talks to me Friday about stuff back Joe, will they quick break?
We right back after this? Thank you? Back down.
That's my show for tonight. Now here.
It is the moment of the.
And I wish I'd put it on tape. But every time I think, I say, oh, I'd love these convers I could tell you with Italy what I did. I could tell you. Here's the problem. Every time I think about putting I want.
To tape every conversation.
The problem is that I start thinking about Richard Nixon did that, and I say, you know, let's do without the tape.
Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by searching.
The Daily Show wherever you get your podcasts. Watch The Daily Show weeknights at eleven.
Ten Central on Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount plus Paramount Podcasts