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From the most trusted journalists at Comedy Central's America's only source for news. This is the Daily Joke with your host Michael Costa.
Hello, welcome Dana Show. I'm Michael Costa. Donald Trump just wrapped up his joint addressed to Congress and we'll have full coverage on that tomorrow. But tonight, Republicans want to start cleaning up chicken shit. Joe Biden crop dusted the economy on his way out in relations with Canada are a boot to get ugly. But first, our ongoing segment, the second Coming of Donald J. Trump, I'm Gonna common. Donald Trump has been busy in the past couple of days.
He's switched sides in the war in Ukraine, announced a national crypto Reserve, and dismantled the National Weather Service because part of the fun of experiencing a Category five hurricane is the surprise. Trump's been so busy that I was getting worried he'd forgotten his plan to start a North American trade war. But my boy, he put it on the cow.
We begin with the breaking news in Americas escalating trade war.
It's dramatic, a global trade war kicked off at the stroke of midnight. President Trump's twenty five percent tariffs on Canada and Mexico are now in effect.
Yeh, that's right, maybe trade war. Whoo. Nobody does war better than you say. You s hey, you s hey. That's right. Canada and Mexico are about to feel the hey. And the best part is it's not gonna affect us at all.
The average American household could spend up to two thousand dollars more a year on everything from produce to close to new cars, driving up the cost of a small car by an estimated sixty two hundred dollars or an suv by nine thousand dollars.
Wait, we're launching a trade war and it's gonna affect us. I'm gonna pay nine thousand dollars more for a Kia Sorrento. Now I finally get why they say war is hell. So that's what Private Ryan saved. That's what saving Private Ryan was all about. Private Ryan was a different movie. Isn't this the opposite of what Trump campaign? Not raising
prices on everything. I'm already buying my eggs and installments with Klarna And the solution that his secretary of agricultural came up with it's not very helpful.
I think the silver line at all of this is how do we in our backyards?
We've got chickens stew in our backyard. How do we solve for something like this? And people are sort of looking around.
Thinking, wow, well maybe I could get a chicken in my backyard, and it's awesome.
I agree with you. Yeah, I think everyone who isn't a farmer right now wants to be. Yes, great idea, great idea, And this time of uncertainty, the one thing I need now is a wild animal in my house pecking my dick while I'm trying to make a frattana. Everybody who's not a farmer wants to be. Are you kidding me? Americans don't even go to grocery stores anymore. We just text get cheerios to strangers on Instacart. But sure, I guess I'll become a small farmer. And hey, why
stop at chickens? You know I could grow my own avocados, I could raise my own cows. Wait, why am I buying my steel like a sucker when I could be smelting iron ore in my own baptpe. Either way, prices are about to go up, and I just hope that no one told that to the stock market. The stock market drops for a second day in a row now that President Trump's tariffs are in effect. God damn it.
Who told that to the stock market. So the stock market is plummeting thanks to the trade war that Donald Trump started, so obviously, well we know who to blame for that.
Right, what's left of the Biden economy is slumping so badly, it's just slumping.
This is the legacy of the Biden economy. Damn you, Joe Biden. You were supposed to leave the password to the economy on the White House fridge before you left. If we're going to blame past presidents, why stop at Biden. You know, Jimmy Carter's been awfully quiet lately. How convenient. But I guess rising prices and a tanking stock market that's just the cost of starting a trade war with your neighbors. Now, Mexico they expect it right. Trump's headed out for them since no one showed up to his
keen Seniera. But but why Canada. We've always been tight with Canada. We were both British colonies. We play in the same sports leagues together. We share joint custody of Ryan Gosling. If Trump is going to launch a trade war with them, I hope he has a good reason, and I'm sure he does. Right right.
R Trump says the tariffs are needed, and he claims Canada and Mexico aren't doing enough to stop all legal immigration and fentanyl shipments.
The fentanyl coming through Canada is massive, of course, of course, fentanyl and migrants. That makes sense. We can't just be letting Canada pump massive and massive amounts of fentanyl and migrants across our border.
Data shows less than one percent of the fentanyl entering in the US comes from Canada, and only one point five percent of border patrol encounters with migrants take place at the border with Canada.
Okay, So it's not ventanyl or migrants, and it can't be because Trump's an insecure, wanna be alpha male thumbing his chest so the world pays attention to him. So I guess, I guess we'll never know. It's probably Joe Biden, what whatever it is, Prime Minister Trudeau, he wasn't having it.
Today, the United States launched a trade war against Canada. Their closest partner and ally their closest friend. Now, I want to speak directly to one specific American. Don't, even though you're a very smart guy, this is a very dumb thing to do.
Wow. Wow, yeah yeah, yeah. He's mad. And he's not even world leader mad, he's dad mad. This is the same tone I use when I tell my daughter not to throw her baby sister. You're into the crib. You are not that type of person that does this, even though you just did this and you'll probably keep doing it,
but you're not this. Okay, Donald, my daughter's name is Donald, and all of Canada is lining up behind Trudeau, like Ontario's Premier, Doug Ford, came out to warn America about the consequences of a trade work, although in a confusing way.
The people of the US, which I absolutely love the American people, they're going to be paying more. The market is going to go downhill faster than the American Bob sled team.
Oh sick burn, I think. I mean it sounded like a slam. But if the market will go downhill really fast, that means our Bob sled team is also fast, and isn't Is that like a compliment our bob sled team is supposed to go fast, right unless he's saying our Bob sled team is slow, which is a slam. But then that means the market won't go downhill fast, which is good for our economy. This metaphor doesn't make any sense. The point is doug Ford is forcing me to learn
about bob sledding, and I do not appreciate that. Is there a Canadian who can make an analogy that's a little less confusing? Donna reared in the mayor of Saint John and New Brunswick, Maybe you have a good analogy.
I mean, we've been in this comfortable relationship with our American cousins.
And now we're being attacked, so you know, we're breaking up with the US and it's time to move on.
Yeah, we're cousins, but we're so we're breaking up. This analogy is even worse than the Bob sled. You can't break up with your cousin. Sure, you can both go off and get married and start your own families and try to convince yourselves you've moved on. But she's she's still there at Thanksgiving every year, and yeah she brings her new husband and she laughs at his jokes, but deep down you can see in her pale blue eyes
that she's sad. And I'm sad too, Stephanie, And I know she can see it in my eyes, which are the same color as hers, because we're related, and that's and that's why we can't beat together. Right, what was I talking about? I'm sorry, Look that's right. Oh, the trade war that we've launched for no reason. The point is, look what Donald Trump has done to Canada. They're the nicest country on Earth, the sexiest cousin, and look what we've brought them out to do.
Canadians are reasonable and we are polite, but we will not back down from a fight.
Ontario Premier Doug Ford threatened to shut off his province's electricity exports to the United States and block shipments of Ontario's high grade nickel.
With Canadian liquor stores took American whiskey off the shelves.
There's also hashtags buy Canadian and boycott USA going viral. Canadian coffee shop The Morning Owl in Ottawa has renamed its popular Americano coffee to a Canadiano WWE.
Fans were drowning out the performance of the Star Spangled banner in Toronto.
Take a listen, Damn, Canada's respect for America has gone down faster than Curtis and Hubert Stevens, a gold medalist and the two man Bob sled at the nineteen thirty two in Lake class at Olympics. Now that's how you do a Bob Sled metaphor done big Bob Sled fans out here today. Whatever the reason, Trump has now pushed America and Canada into a full on trade war and for more, let's go live to the Canadian border with our very own Grace Kohl and Schmidt. Grace, what's your analysis?
It's pretty simple, Michael. America is definitely in the wrong gear.
We're the bad guys. We suck and when.
You've made a mistake, you have to take accountability and tell Canada to shut the up.
I'm sorry, tell Canada to shut the.
F Yeah, listen, America is in the wrong no ifs ands or butts. But when Canada starts talking shit, my dormant patriotic instincts bubble up and suddenly I'm proud.
To be an American. Well it she is crazy because I'm not.
But I can't help myself when that guy called our bobsa team's slow.
That piece of shit. Actually, I think he was complimenting our team. I still don't really know, Oh, that piece of shit.
I want to take Canada side, but when they boo our national anthem, I'm gonna have to shit on theirs. Oh Canada is in g major. I'm surprised it's not in a minor.
I don't really know what that means.
Yeah, well, I don't want to explain it to you. If you know America is in the wrong, then why are you defending us.
It's like seeing your mom get arrested. You know she shouldn't have bought beer for those middle schoolers, but you're still gonna yell at the cop and try to grab his gun. It's crazy, but that's love, love for your mom and love for your country. And if that means I can't eat waffles with Canadian maple syrup, then by god, I will eat them with ketchup.
Yum.
You know, Grace, I gotta say, in a weird way, I admire your patriotism.
I hate it.
I'm embarrassed to be an American right now, and as an American, I'm outraged. I don't like this patriotic monster I've become. Last night I blacked out. I'm a Ford f one fifty and look at this shirt I'm wearing.
I don't even know when I put this on.
Wait? Is that a bald eagle pooping out a maple leaf? Where where did you even get that? Grace?
I think I made.
It because I also have it tattooed on my back. Bottom line, Michael, I just want these tariffs to go away.
I love this country so.
Much, but sometimes America is just the worst.
Yeah, yeah, sometimes America is the worst. Grace, right the did you just say about America?
Never? Not? Never? Not never?
My Grace COOLi shmid everyone, Grace Cool sad. When we come back, Rickey Balz gives us his opinion, so don't go away of Grace. Welcome back to the show. We all know I've got great opinions, but I'm not the only one. Studies show that other people also have opinions. So here with another installment of in my opinion is our good friend Ricky Velez.
The phrase of the day is buyer's remorse. It's like when you buy thousands of dollars worth of shoes made by your favorite rapper, thinking one day they'll be as valuable as the Princess Diana Beanie Baby. But then that rapper found his favorite new shape. But Yeezy isn't the only brand that's out there not living up to expectations these days. A lot of people are having buyer's remorse when it comes to the election.
Six weeks into the second Trump administration, and a growing number of his supporters are having second thoughts.
Jenkins voted for lower taxes and less regulation, but Jenkins finds the first month on settling.
I thought there's so to be checks and balances somewhere. Riley Cooper was just let go by the US Bar a service. Do you now regret the way you voted for Trump? I do feel regret.
Come on, who could have predicted that the guy that's known for the catchphrase You're fired.
Would fire you?
And it's not just Trump that's giving people buyer's remorse because with the purchase of Trump came one free Elon. So some people are ashamed of their president and their car.
Some Tesla owners driven to regret their purchase because of Elon Musk.
Local Tesla owners are reporting increasing minor acts of analysm to both cars and chargers and our targets of cursing and gestures on the road.
A gold cyber truck has been turning heads, but lately the attention has taken a threatening turn. According to doctor Kume, jeruge drivers cut him off and they hurl offensive gestures. The doctor says that he tried to get rid of his truck, but he has not been able to find a buyer.
Wow, wow, no shit, you can't find a buyer for a gold cyber truck.
Just break this down for a second.
Imagine seeing a regular cyber truck and also turning to the salesman and being like, do you have anything that makes me look like a bigger dick and also hides my smaller dick. And by the way, they're not just vandalizing cyber trucks because Elon sucks. They're vandalizing cyber trucks because it's.
A stupid car.
It's it's the only car that gives you your virginity back.
Plus if you.
Get mad at the product, you don't sell it, you take a semi automatic and you like that mother up like a true patriot. But those that can't sell their Tesla's here's another option.
Anti Elon musk bumper stickers have been showing up on a lot of cars. Some owners scrambled to buy anti Elon stickers to decorate their evs, like these vintage Tesla.
This one says pre Madness Edition up with evs down with Elon sticking it in.
Here another one if I really wanted to like quadruple down.
US liberals love a sticker. What an inspiring way to tell the world. I disapprove of Nazis, but not enough to bite to work. But once again, I feel these people's pain. You might wonder what kind of douchebag keeps a product after it was made by a Nazi. Well, this kind of douchebag. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. They were popular in twenty seventeen. I still have my Kanye shoes. They were made by him, and I definitely can't give them to my son for his bar mitzvah. So what
do I do with these? Well one guy has an answer.
Check out this man in Florida who's now burning several pairs of Yeasy shoes. Danny Schiff says he's purchased about forty pairs of those shoes over the years and about fifteen thousand dollars worth have gone up in flames.
Yes, that's what we do. We burn easies.
The second you have buyer's remorse, it's time to clean break and no second chances. Just chicken shit, no chicken shit, half measures, which is why Ricky Valez right now, in this moment, will put a sticker on my easy.
Nazis bad. Nazis bad. So there no one can judge me, and that my hero.
It's not for me to say, but yes I am.
But that's just my opinion. Rickie velasa Anney. When we come back, maybe marg will be joining up on the showf and Don't Go Away. Nazi's Bad. L Welcome back for the Brother Show. My guest and I is an award winning Canadian actor, a writer, producer, and now a singer songwriter with their debut album I'm a TV Please welcome Meg Martin. All right, look at that? Look at that? Huh look at that? Look at that? You're a Canadian? Oh yeah, yeah, So I'm required by law to take
twenty five percent off all of my questions. So first question, what was your experience like.
Doing Okay, I'm gonna have to retaliate with tariffs on my answers.
Yeah, my experience was really perfect. We got it. Yeah, but maybe maybe both administrations seeing a Canadian and American shake hands, that was what they need to see.
We saw.
Yeah, that was a beautiful moment for democracy.
Your album is tremendous. Thanks beautiful, Uh, thank you. I was thinking you're a comedian.
Yes, I was thinking that too.
It's beautiful. You know, how to sing it, how to play instruments, what is going on? Thanks?
Than I am a comedian, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I've always wanted to. I've always you know, played music in my bedroom. Yeah, and shed a single tear and been really emo.
But yeah, yeah, how does a comedian. By the way, May is a comedian. But the music is real music. This is great music. It's not like, oh, it's a comedy music. It's it's a real music album. I want to make that very clear. And it's great. My family was listening to it. We were listening to it. So it's annoying. It's annoying I even have to say that.
Well, no, it's a good thing to specify. People will be pissed if they wanted punchlines.
You know, you're going to do a show from here.
I'm racing to do show, yeah, right after this.
Do you have to make it very clear that jokes will not be told.
I do, and and and I have to well, I mean I chat a bit between songs, but I definitely have to unlearn the muscle memory that like if people are just listening and not laughing, I'm bombing because that's I'll be playing a sad song or something and I'm thinking, oh, I'm bombing no one. Yeah, yeah, but it's really gratifying, it's really it's really nice.
I remember starting out doing open mics as a comedian and I would bomb and it was so silent. Then I would watch shitty musicians go up and they would bomb, but there's noise. There's noise that was us musicians in that regard.
Well, it's also nice not to be alone because there's a drummer, you know, I have a whole band, and so it's yeah, it's nice to have that support.
When you're writing music. Are you naturally trying to not find a punchline? You know what I mean?
The world is not that funny right now, so it's not it's not hard.
Yeah, no, no, I mean.
I'm really enjoying the opportunity to be earnest, And yeah.
What inspired you to make the album?
Now?
I guess.
I just I'm Canadian, as sweet as we established.
We're gonna go Nobel Peace Prize for that beginning.
Yeah, yeah, right, you're welcome for that.
Yeah, you're welcome for not shaking hands. Yeah.
I'd been living in England for twelve years and then I like three years ago, I moved to LA and so I was reconnected with my ernest North American roots, I guess, And I was feeling good. I had just three years ago, I had top surgery and started testosterone, and I was feeling very happy and confident.
Who knows how their albums will be?
Yeah, yeah, so I think I was feeling good or feeling more comfortable, because it is vulnerable. It's super vulnerable.
So yeah, but comedy vulnerable. So I know, But are you telling me that this is more vulnerable to put out music?
I think in this moment, I feel.
That hold back. Now, this is where you hit me with the chants. Is making music more vulnerable than well boring your heart out to strangers through spoken word? I mean, Michael, your special you know it's fantastic. You're talking about your family, your experiences, your parents. That's so vulnerable and personal for sure.
But I guess what stand up you can You can bail halfway through a joke, right, or.
You can pivot.
You can lie, That's what I a.
You can't and you can't pivot with music. No, you have to.
You can't be halfway through a song and be like no, never mind, So you have to. Yeah, So it does feel exposing.
One of the songs I love is called Big Bear. I've been to Big Bear near LA. I got stuck in traffic, But you sing a beautiful song about to me, it feels like you're trying to escape something. And then I'm thinking, maybe that's me right, saying I want to escape something.
Well, that's the great thing about music. You can project all your own shit onto it. Yeah yeah, but that, yeah, for sure.
Tell me about what inspired you to write that song and what it means. I went again.
I just moved to the States and I went for the weekend to Big Barretts, all mountains in the lake and just outside of LA. And I felt I didn't I weirdly didn't tell anyone I was going it's so rare that no one knows where you are. This sounds dark, but it was just nice to be alone and walking through the woods. And yeah, so that's why I wrote that.
I think it's awesome not time, and especially now you have a family.
You can't be doing.
That, dude, that's not funny. That's why it's so good, right right, because I have people that always want to know where I am. Right, it feels so good. But if I didn't have a family, that.
Was just it's a lot of pressure to be loved.
Man, did you did you just say what's in my soul?
I sort of thought it would get a laugh, but it was deadly silent, like everyone.
Was like, yeah, I'm a TV.
That's it.
My friend said, yeah, what does it mean? It's in It's in one of the songs, so away, I'm just a TV talking to you. You thought I could remember that, but I had to read it just to make sure I got it.
Sure, I'm glad, Yeah, where's it come from? Titles are really hard, but I think it was for me about there's so much noise and static electricity, and sometimes I wonder if our whole personalities are just like a sort of combination of other people's projections and stuff we consume, and so the album was kind of stripping that away. But then a friend of mine was like, does it Stanford, I'm a transvestite. I was like, no, but if you wanted to, you know, that's the great thing about music.
Another example of maybe what we're externalizing is on the inside. Yes, exactly right. You have TV tattoo? Is that right?
How do you? Yes?
I do well. I think I'm pretty Let's hope that that's public information. It's very I do Is that connected to this?
No, that was just an ex. I bought a tattoo kit.
Yeah, never do that. I could tell you I won.
Yeah.
Yeah, man, you bought a tattoo like a stick and poak kit.
I don't know. Yeah, and uh, an ex of mine one night we've had a few drinks at your tattooed TV on my I guess I've always liked the feeling of the word in my mouth.
TV.
Oh interesting, Yeah, but I think I put the emphasis on the t TV. What do you say?
Uh, I say aluminium. That sounds very different. That's funny that you just said, don't buy a tattoo kit. I didn't know that was the thing you could even do, and certainly don't do it with your partner. May Martin, thank you so much for being here. It's called on a TV. Check out two or days at may Martin Music dot com. Maymart We're gonna take a quick break or the right back after this. I'll toush up with tonight now here it is your momentum.
Zas Canadians are opening their wallets wider for made in Canada products or foregoing some items altogether.
We didn't buy any fresh berries because the only ones we found were American and specifically Floridian. No, it's not happening in my house.
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