Trump's "Moderate" Abortion Stance | Da’Vine Joy Randolph

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Home the show.

Welcome, Welcome, Welcome to the Daily Show.

I'm Michelle Wolf. You know.

Yes, despite the advice of my friends in Comedy Central standards department, I am back for another.

Night and touchy, touchy.

We've got a great show for you tonight. So let's get into those headlines. We're going to kick things off tonight with the White Beet Fox News. Every once in a while check in with Fox News just to see which race slash pronoun slash eminem I should be scared of. Now, let me get the brown one. I was surprised to find something different from Jesse Waters, Fox News anchor and the last face you see before blacking out at Sigma Kappa.

Buckle up, guys, those are gonna get worse. Okay. So look, I turned on the news.

I thought he was gonna be talking about what's going on in the world, and all he was doing was meandering through the world's most boring Thanksgiving and like not for a little bit of time, he talked about it for like half of his show.

So I made it to do list best to do list in my life. I'm actually mad because I crossed everything off on it on my phone and now I can't see how much I accomplished. I had a hard copy, and I should have organized the list geographically based on where I was going instead of just haphazardly because I bit off more than I could show. I wake up, drank sixty ounces of water, drink my green juice, pot of coffee, hopped in the car with my list.

In my hand.

But I couldn't even make it to the second errand without having to go to the bath after.

Going to the water, Stop it stop, what ends this story?

Get this out of the way. Look, I mean it is.

Not a slow news week, okay, And you are sitting here talking about an incredible amount of liquid that you just ingested and how you're surprised it made you go to the bathroom. Sixty ounces of water is it's a huge amount of water, and then you had a green juice and a coffee. You're just slashing around out there like a human waterbed. I kept watching because I kept thinking, was it's got.

To get to a point. He's got he has to say. There's so much to say right now, he's gotta have something to say.

So, in fact, we're gonna keep this running and we're gonna check back in and you're all gonna suffer exactly.

How I suffer. But let's move on to something lighthearted. Abortion. You guys, remember how Donald Trump killed Roe V.

Wade right after he killed Ruth Bader Ginsburg after so well, now Trump is making the confusing and strategic decision to run as a moderate on abortion.

Yeah, Trump a moderate on abortion.

It's like the kool aid man suddenly caring about walls. It's too late, dude, the damage you're done, you big red bitch. Now, don't let anyone tell you that abortion is not popular in this country. Even the man who kill them is acting like he supports them.

What happened to Rov Wade? Folks? Come on, Obama, lot them. We're gonna bring back Row. We're gonna bring back Wade. I talk to both of them. They're on board. I love to make deals.

Oh wow, I can't believe I just won an award for the best Trump impression ever.

Oh my god, it smells terrible.

All right, before we move on, let's check in with the guy who looks like Roofy Magazine's Man of the Year.

What news he got for us?

Now, Jesse, So I check to see what time the car wash closes.

Says five pm.

I think great, I'm only fifteen minutes away, so I get there at four forty five.

But when I get.

There, there's a big orange cone blocking the lane.

I'm so sorry the car was wash closed early on Thanksgiving?

How is this news? This isn't even news for your family, Chuckie.

There's so much to talk about, and let's move on to some climate news. This weekend, the UAE hosts the annual United Nations Climate Conference, where countries from all over the world pretend to care about the climate crisis. And look, maybe you think I'm being a little bit cynical about this, but apparently the UAE is planning to use the climate conference to make new oil and gas deals, which, look, that might sound scandalous, but.

This is what they've always done.

It's like given hand jobs of Jesus camp. It's fun because you know you shouldn't.

This one's for Jesus.

Speaking of things you shouldn't do, Let's see if.

Evil David Schwimmer is done yet with the never ending story.

I'm not making fun of him.

You're kidding me, You're kidding. You're getting rice pudding.

And the waiter says, sorry, we've sold out of the rice pudding.

Rice pudding is popular.

Never thought it was.

Isn't rice pudding just like rice inside of pudding?

Why is he still going like, does the bus explode if he ends the story?

Now while he explores the mystery that is rice pudding, we'll move on to some business news.

Let's talk about Red Lobster.

The restaurant Not My Vagina. Red Lobster had a promotion that got out of control.

Again the restaurant I'm not my bead.

They offered endless shrimp for twenty dollars, thinking surely people are not going to eat that much shrimp, and instead they lost eleven million dollars.

And it's so funny because they expected people to order something else, but instead.

They were like, no, just more shrimp, all right?

Anything to drink anything, No, we'll drink the sauce. The moral of the story is it's fun to eat out, and this time talking about my vagina. For more on endless shrimp Fiacco, we turned to Ronnie Chang.

Now, Ronnie, would you describe this shrimp disaster as jumbo? Absolutely?

Michelle Red Lobster learned a very powerful lesson here. Never underestimate how horny Americans are for shrimp. Okay, remember the movie Forrest Gump. It was a movie about a mentally challenged war hero whose girlfriend dies of aides. But America saw it and said, hey, tell me more about this Bubba Gump shrimp company. And now that's a real restaurant. That's how much Americans love shrimp.

Come on, Ronnie, you gotta give us a break. Is there anything wrong with people enjoying endless shrimp?

Yes, there is, because when this country offers you something endless, it's never actually good. It's always endless war, endless student loans, or endless Jesse water Wentz.

Also there's endless guns and endless Marvel movies, and well.

Hey, hey, Marvel movies are national treasure.

All right, and each and every character in them.

Is precious and should get my own spin off in theaters, not a streaming only bullshit.

Good luck to you on that.

But tell me how does Red Lobster recover from this loss eleven million dollars is a lot for a restaurant that smells like a whales asshole.

Well not when you look at the broader economy.

Michelle.

Yes, Red Lobster takes a short term loss, but giving Americans endless shrimp helps other industries like commercial fishermen, toilet plungers and the company that makes that thing that goes like this. If all those companies kick some money back to Red Lobster, then they can keep this promotion going.

It's called trickle down crustacean and it.

Will help Americans eat endless shrimp forever or until the ocean's ecosystem collapses. But but it'll be fine. That's like a year from now, and my Marvel movie should be all by Bens and I.

Guess we all win. Runny Chang, everybody. We have to take a break. But first, let's check in one last time with Matt in Tusso's rough draft known as Jesse Waters.

And I noticed the dog's old wet, and She's like, oh, this is my dog, you know, kind of wet, you know, he just swim in the pond. And I'm thinking, this is kind of crazy. You're letting your dog swimming a pond thirty seven degrees and the nature Preserve.

Well, there you have it, the top primetime news show on the top cable news network in America. Over sixteen minutes in and we got to wet dog.

Listen.

I don't know why he spent so much time talking about all this. I don't know if he had to vamp because his story he wanted to say got censored, or he had to run errands before and you'd never done that, and he had to let the whole world know about bathrooms and stores and pudding. But I will say this was sixteen minutes that I wasn't hearing about January sixth being a field trip. So you know what, Fox News, keep it up a little buddy.

All right, let me come back.

We'll kind out how to live sustainably and why it's so.

Don't go away, Welcome back to the Daily Show.

We all want to live more sustainably, but what does that really mean? Grace, Coole and Schmidt went out to find out.

When you hear off the grid, you probably think of living in a cute cottage in the woods like Ted Kevinski. But you don't have to venture way into the wilderness to live like Ted.

Meet josh Spodek, astrophysicist, n YU professor and real life Captain Planet.

I used to empty my garbage weekly. Now I empty my garbage once in twenty nineteen, once in twenty eighteen, once in twenty seventeen.

Kate Twin.

I also only take out my trash once a year.

But recently Joshua' even further taking his Manhattan apartment off the electrical grid completely.

So what is your problem with electricity? Did it kill your family.

Or did it because I'm now realizing that's kind of something that could happen.

I do use electricity. I have my solar panels that to take up to the roof and charge the battery. But that's it. I try to minimize my footprint as much as I can.

Now what exactly is electricity? And I know the basics. It's the stuff that's in the air.

Electricity actually a very complication.

When people think it's simple, I'm like, are you dumb?

In one sense it's simple and that it just works because that's how gravity gravity. So we've learned to control this power through wires and batteries and things like that. So almost always you're going to be pulling, and I don't want to.

Josh's typical day as an eco warrior starts with cardiom going up eleven flights of stairs with his solar panels, his heavy, heavy solar panels. By the way, you know, we're like breathing out carbon right now.

Yeah, that's all part of the biosphere. It's not bringing new carbon from outside of the biosphere.

I'll be right up there, man, just give me like one second.

Luckily I was able to find a task grabit to go up the remaining ten flights.

Of stairs connect the solar panel.

It's a battery cool and it's not just about saving energy. Josh has also been living packaging free.

For a decade.

Americans throw away two hundred and sixty eight millions on trash per year, which is enough to feed ten rats.

But Jos, there's a better way.

I keep all my garbage here. And the last time I emptied this was Christmas twenty nineteen. So this is my fourth year on one load of garbage.

Do you mind if I give this year?

I'd pass on that, okay, And if you bring a reasonable container next time.

This isn't reusable.

People in the future will be dealing with it for five hundred years.

Or more so, five hundred years someone will be using it, maybe my great great granddaughter.

They won't be using it so much as it'll be in their bloodstreams plastic. It doesn't decompose it necessary with their hormonal system. It causes disease.

You have quite the imagination.

Josh also uses that imagination in the kitchen.

So this is split pee. I got carrot beat cabbage. I just put a nutritional yeast.

It's like really fragrant.

I hope you like it. I think this will be better tomorrow after the flavors mixed a bit.

This way of life seemed really difficult. How is Josh keeping himself going?

So this life stole may look like deprivation sacrifice to others, but for me, it's really about joy totally.

You seem very very joyful.

People say it.

You know.

I compost, I recycle, and I do what I can, but I have to balance that with living my regular life.

Right, That's usually what I'm saying to myself.

And you think, do I have to think about every other person on the planet every time I do anything?

How?

I think it's like you're reading my brain.

But systemic change begins with personal change. I got to quote Abraham Lincoln here. Okay, nothing damages you more than to do something that you believe is wrong.

And I'll quote Abraham Lincoln. God bless America.

He said that a lot. Probably.

Yeah.

Wow, Josh had inspired me, and I was ready to make a difference too, going a full twenty four hours.

Living life this bote x time.

This is a day in my life with zero electricity and zero waste.

I start my day by waking up.

What's no electricity means no lights. Luckily, my toxic roommate isn't home, so I'm using her food to make my famous green Gloves smoothie.

I start with.

Bananas, some beautiful organic kale, one scoop of collagen.

And then.

Next up a trip to pre cycle, a packaging free store where you bring your own containers.

Good thing.

I always travel with my dupperwares.

Josh, if you're watching, check it out, Bedad.

I'm really doing this.

Hello, So these are oaks right here, and then last, but not least, these this flower.

Sure you can.

Probably just wave my whole hand just to make it a little bit easier.

Oh my god, I did it.

That was only ninety minutes.

Me.

Thank you so much.

I mean, you have the wrong apartment. Get out of here.

Little did I know things were about to get really really bad.

One you said you had five ten minutes ago. You okay, all good, bro, all good.

Just me here with my thoughts. That's chill. I know what to do.

Sadly, I didn't make it, but you know what, I did make a difference, and that's something they can never take away from me.

Thank you.

Great.

Let me come back.

Hey, I enjoying Randa. We'll be joining me on the show.

Don't go away.

Welcome back to the Daily Show.

My guest tonight is the Tony nominated actor who stars in a new film The Holdovers.

Please welcome. Davine joined Randolph.

Thank you, okay, thank you and mine, thank you so much for being here.

It's wonderful to see you.

It's so good to see you.

Yes we uh we went to the same high school.

You high school, Yeah.

Yeah, but we we were from I mean central Pennsylvania.

And you did this movie.

You have to do a Boston accent in this movie. That was that hard to I mean, I'm someone who's terrible at accents, I mean awful.

I don't know.

If you heard the Trump one, you just got to Yeah, But was it hard to get into the Boston accent?

Was it hard to get out of the Boston accent?

It helped because we were filming in Boston, so that helped. But it was hard because the accent that I'm doing is like a seventies Boston African American dialect. So I'm not sounding like Mark Wahlberg, you know what I mean. So everybody's walking around like Wallburgs and they're like, oh blah, and I'm like, it's different.

It's different.

So sometimes it would throw me a little bit, and so I just would have like certain key words that would help me get back into it.

Yeah, do you can you share any of your key.

No, I used to before they said action.

I would be like, oh, mister Hannam, Hana Hannam, and just say his name, and that would like kind of settle me back into it.

Is there anything you specifically watched or listened to to get into that?

Like last summer it is from Boston, and so I would watch a lot of her interviews and stuff like that because it was more to the time period. And Yeah, a lot of YouTube clips and stuff like that, and that kind of helped me constantly have that in my head.

And that's great.

You got to listen to Donna Summers and yeah, right, like Mark Wahlberg, and you've done I mean, you've done so many incredible things. You've got to work with so many incredible people. You know, Eddie Murphy, Paul GIAMAI, Steve Martin. Are there any other people that you're like really wanting to work with.

I really want to work with Bradley Cooper.

I saw the trailer the other night of Maestro and it looks amazing. Yeah, the way that he just died, I like people that just want to die fully in he resembles him in an interesting way, and I think that's both with the magic of you know, movies, but also his commitment to the role that it's just I was like, oh, he's really he's dedicated. So that was exciting for me that I was like, I would love to work with him.

Yeah, that's it.

I imagine you want to work with other people at the top of their game.

And yeah, I saw.

Bradley Cooper in New York recently, and I like, it took me everything not to be like.

Hi, Yeah, exactly. He's a handsome one.

Yeah, and then what about other roles anything that Like? I mean, you've done a mix of serious comedy.

I think I want to start getting into biopics. I think that would be really fun, and that I started off with singing, so I think that could be a really nice way to merge the two.

Yeah, I think biopiics and start playing some real women.

I'd be great. Get this lady some real women. Yeah. And your character Mary in this she's a she's a cook. Do you are you good at cooking?

I am good at cooking. I love cooking.

And that was kind of like not a deal breaker, but that was something that I said to the director Alexander Payne. I was like, if I do this, I really need real food. And so he was really cool about it. He was like, Okay, what is the Christmas menu? And I was like really, yeah, yeah, And so I cook in real life and real time. I cook soup, oatmeal, a roasted chicken, and ate like a breakfast because I'm hungover.

That's that sounds great. I want to be in this movie. You're gonna get me food? I don't.

I would like I like to think I can cook, but I just don't. I don't do it because I don't like to clean up.

And I got to get somebody clean up for I know, I need to make people to clean up from.

Me, you know.

So that's the thing.

You just bite people.

I'm like, oh my god, I want to cook for you clean up.

That's a that's a great. Yeah.

I got to meet better friends and you.

Okay, So you had to pick up smoking for this role. Did you have a hard time?

I love how you said it. You had to pick up smoking, pick up you?

Yeah, the joy of an addiction? Yeah? Did you? Did you get addicted? Did you have?

I was really nervous about it. I was like, ooh, I feel like I might have that addiction gene.

What's gonna go happen?

And so they gave me before we started shooting, the director sent over two big boxes of like natural fake ones, and it just wasn't working for me, and like because the it was fake and it looked fake while doing it, And so I started using American spirits because they have like, you know, there's different like I call it gradients of

Just I get it.

They were like, the cigarette's gonna tell on you, Like if you don't know what you're doing, they can tell by how you're holding.

They're like, she's lying, she never saw the day in her life.

So puff puff, I was going, I mean, good for you.

Thank you dad, commitment, exitment, and I smoked my life for her.

Good good.

It's an absolute pleasure to have you on this show. It's so good to see you. I'm so happy to see all your success and I hope it keeps going.

And give this lady, real lady to play.

Thank you, Thank You.

The whole number is now in theaters everywhere nationwide. We're going to take a quick break, but we'll be right back after that.

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