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Show with your host, Michael Costoms.
Yes, Yes, welcome to The Daily Show.
I'm Michael Costo. We've got so much to talk about tonight. What a great audience.
Cory Booker bursus bladder, America's economy experiments with S and M. And we'll tell you why Trump would be the worst instacart shopper ever.
Let's get into the headline, shall we.
Let's kick things off with that big Supreme Court racing whiskey.
We've all.
We've all been following closely ever since everyone started telling us how important it was for reasons we tried really hard to understand, but ultimately ended up just taking their word for it. Well, last night, despite Elon Musk putting twenty five million dollars to back the conservative, the liberal judge won the race.
That's right.
Fuck yeah, suck at Elon. Now you only have three hundred and forty billion dollars.
What are you gonna buy with that? Dumbass?
And here's something we haven't said in a while. A second good thing happened for Democrats?
Update the history books.
Last night, Democratic Senator Corey Booker concluded the longest speech in Senate history, clocking in at twenty five hours and five minutes.
He was protesting what he called a crisis brought on by the Trump administration's policies.
I don't know how to solve this.
I don't know how to stop us from going down this road.
But I know who does have the power, the people of the United States of America.
What an amazing day for Corey Booker. Not so great for the c SPAN cameraman who missed the birth of his first child and kindergarten graduation.
It was a long speech, and.
Booker not only set a new record, he broke the nineteen fifty seven record held by segregationalist strom Thurman, A man so racist we never even talk about how weird of a first name Strom is.
Is that short for strom Bolly? What the hell's going on here?
You never want a huge racist at the top of the record books. If, like the world record for eating the biggest burrito was held by Hitler, someone should probably beat that sooner rather than later.
And the amazing thing is.
That Booker didn't just get up there and read from Wikipedia. He stayed focused on condemning the Trump administration's assault on working people in the rule of law. So you can imagine that when he was done, the media had a lot of questions for him about these serious issues.
Does he get any bathroom breaks? Did he have a bathroom break? No sitting and no bathroom break. You couldn't take a bathroom break. How did you not have to use the restroom for twenty five hours?
Were you wearing anything that Letill allowed you did not have to go to the bathroom for twenty five hours?
Senator, Senator, Senator, Senator peepe, Senator A'll follow up, poo poo. This is why our country is in the shape that it's in. The media won't talk about the substance of his speech. They'd rather talk about how he held it in for so long.
No one cares about that, but just out of curiosity, how how did he do it?
My strategy was to stop eating. I think I stopped eating on Friday, and then to stop drinking the night before I started on Monday. And that had its benefits and it had its really downsides.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The downside is that he was hungry the whole time. But the benefit is that he can go straight from the centate floor to his colonoscopy.
So that's about us. But that is pretty amazing. That's pretty much.
He didn't eat for three days, although he is a vegan, so that's not much of a sacrifice, you know. Oh no, a weekend without tempe. Well, let's move on, because while Democrats were congratulating themselves for their bladder control, Donald Trump was shitting out a new holiday, a big.
Day for the country.
President Trump calling it Liberation Day.
Liberation Day, liberation Day. The world is watching, right, Liberation Day.
That sounds like the fake holiday your friends make up after you get dumped. You know, no man, no man who needs that beautiful, smart, independently wealthy woman in your life when you.
Could die alone. This is your liberation Day, bro, But actually, what is it for our breaking news?
Just moments ago, President Trump announcing widespread what he calls reciprocal tariffs at least ten percent on practically all goods coming into the United States.
My fellow Americans, this is Liberation Day. April second, twenty twenty five. Will forever be remembered as today American industry was reborn the day America's destiny was reclaimed.
Okay, so liberation Day is just the day that Trump announced new tariffs. I kind of doubt this day we remembered for all of history. But if you give me a day off from work, you can call whatever you want. To be honest with you, now you might be thinking, what am I even being liberated from the ability to afford goods and services?
Yes, but what Trump.
Is hoping happens is that businesses moved back to America. But until then, Republicans are preparing Americans for the inevitable rocky road ahead. I feel like in some ways in the economy, this is kind of like a kitchen remodel or a bathroom model.
There's a bit of a mess at the beginning, but everybody has a long term look of where we're headed. I mean, if you're going to remodel your house to make it better in the end, it's going to be really annoying in the short term when your house is getting remodeled and there's drywall desk everywhere and there's workers.
In your living room.
The reality is that remodel has got to happen in order to make things stronger. And more stable in.
The back end. Great, it's like a home remodel.
I feel much better about tariffs now that you compare it to something famous for costing people way more than they ever expected.
Nobody, nobody likes.
A remodel, and they especially don't like the people in charge of the remodel. Even the homeowners who hire Jesus to be their carpenter hated him. Is he seriously going out for another walk on water? I'm gonna kill that guy. But look, guys, whether you like it or not, Republicans don't want to hear your bitching because we all knew this was coming. It's gonna be a rocky road, and Trump is a bit of that.
Trump has acknowledge that there will be some minor inflationary aspect of that.
As he begins to realign the economy to put America first. Everybody knows, and when they voted in November of twenty twenty four, they knew that's what they were voting for.
Yeah, that's right, voters.
You can belly ache all you want, but we all knew what we were voting for.
Trump was very honest during the campaign.
That tariffs would drive prices higher, right, right.
Right.
You want to impose a ten percent tariff on all goods coming into the US, how will you ensure that that doesn't drive prices even higher?
Not going to drive them higher?
Do you believe Americans can afford higher prices because of tariffs?
They're not going to have higher prices?
Okay, okay, technically he said prices wouldn't go up, but in his defense, he.
Was lying, and you should have known that. So that's on you.
But you know what, Yeah, some people at Fox News would like to know why you're so obsessed with your money in the first place.
Huh.
There are some things more important than money, And the president's trying to tell Americans.
You know, there may be a little suffering going on here.
It's a little volatile right now, but people have been very happy and very enthusiastic since the administration was inaugurated.
Look, I wouldn't watch the stock market every hour every day.
I really hope that somehow the average person out there can separate themselves in their mindset from Wall Street. You know, don't let don't get fooled by what's happening on the stock market.
Yeah, yeah, making money isn't everything. Take it from the guy hosting the show called Making Money. Why or well, why would you think that making money was something this guy cared about just because it's on the desk and the screen and the wall and the other wall. Life isn't about making Oh also another one on that same wall.
But look, I get what these guys are saying.
In the long run, these tariffs will make America more prosperous, even if in the short run you'll personally will lose all your money. So if you're so shortsighted that going broke and dying in a ditch bothers you, there's a new Fox Business show you'll definitely want to check out.
You love Making Money and the Big Money Show, And now with Trump's awesome tariffs, Fox Business has a new show introducing Money Monk.
Money is just a human fiction. It does not exist, especially your money, which does not exist.
This show will guide you into our new economic reality.
Ignore the market, and find joy in your work, which you have to keep doing now that you can't retire.
It's the perfect show to one line with after a shift at your fourth job.
Ah, how will I afford my rent? The Money Monk has all the answers.
Look inside yourself for nourishments, specifically the organs inside yourself that you can sell for food.
Release your greed of wanting both kidneys money Monk week days at eight you mean my portfolio has been wiped out?
I will rip your ass straight out of your mouth.
Do you hear me, money, monk, enlighten your broke ass.
When we come back, we'll find out what's inside Trunk's brain, don't all? Welcome back to the Daily Show. The human brain.
It's a three pound massive tissue that can comprehend the vastness of our universe. And remember the lyrics to that bare naked lady song Chick It at China the Chinese Chicken. I don't even like that song for you brain, and no brain holds within it more mysteries than that of American president and catch up fueled sex machine Donald Trump. As fate would have it, the thoughts that dwell inside that brain now affect everyone on earth, So.
Why not try to understand how it works?
Come with me on a magical scientific voyage in our new segment.
Donald Trump's very, very large a brain.
A lot of thoughts have been occupying excellent.
A lot of thoughts have been occupying Trump's mind lately, invading Greenland, boobs, taking over the Panama Canal boobs, selling teslas, and of course putting tariffs on boobs. It's a beautiful, horny mental tapestry. But recently, one mysterious word has been stuck in Trump's brain.
I went on the border, and I went on groceries. It's very simple word, groceries. Like almost you know, who uses the word I started using the word the groceries.
Yeah, yeah, groceries.
I mean, who uses that word except everybody all the time. Donald Trump found the word fascinating, and this was not just a fleeting thought. His brain has been contemplating the word groceries for a while.
Now.
You know, more people tell me about groceries, the word grocery. I've heard it more in the last year than any other word. I think everyone tells me about the word groceries.
You know, you hear the word groceries.
You say, really, But I get more complaints about groceries.
Beautiful but simple word groceries. Serve my groceries, please, sir, my groceries.
What now?
Based on that, you might think that Trump has never heard the word groceries until the twenty twenty four campaign and just thought this must be a new slang word.
You know.
He was probably like Barren, what's groceries?
Is that?
Like riz?
But if you tunnel deeper into Trump's brain, you find out that he's heard the word before, just not in a long time.
The cost of groceries a word that I used a lot of the Campaign's like an old fashioned word. But it's a beautiful word, very descriptive word.
They say, My groceries is so much more.
Have you know? The term is just like an old term and.
It's a beautiful Groceries a term I used to use.
It's sort of an old fashioned term, but he used to use it.
WHOA, Okay, this raises more questions because groceries is not an old fashioned word. It's a word we use right now to describe groceries. Is actually no other word for it. So now, so now I'm wondering, does Donald Trump know what groceries are?
Groceries? He says it big with different things in it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, we're on the right track.
Not all bags with things in them are groceries. Can you ask your brain to narrow it down a little bit?
The word grocery.
You know, it's sort of simple word, but it sort.
Of means like everything you eat.
Ah, everything you eat, so simple, so almost correct.
It says everything, yet absolutely nothing. Let's keep digging.
You know, such a basic term.
Groceries, the groceries.
They mean every single item of grocery.
Every.
Every single item of grocery. I have to say, I never thought of it like that. I thought groceries were merely some items of grocery, but every item of grocery.
And now.
And now his bulging frontal low must wrestle with the most important question of all.
What in a cosmic sense are groceries?
People tell me about the groceries.
The groceries are groceries they used to and what they're talking about his food, Ah, last.
Enlightenment, groceries are food. Food are groceries unless we forget groceries are every single item of grocery.
And yet Trump's mental.
Journey with groceries goes on, leaving us with more unanswered questions like has it been so long since he stepped in a grocery store that his brain was like I don't need this word anymore?
Or is he just an eighty year old man?
Whose brain is the tear rating before our eyes or hear me out. Maybe he's right, and nobody in America says the word groceries anymore.
So we sent Grace, Kohle and Schmidt to find out.
What do you call this store behind?
Yeah, that's a grocery store.
No one uses that word anymore.
Right, that's what I've heard.
What would you call that kind.
Of store a grocery store?
That word is so old.
Not a single living person uses the word grocery stores except for you.
Oh my god, I've been using this word for like twenty eight years.
You literally sounded like, hey, kids, let's together around the big Prola.
It's time to talk about groceries.
Groceries is like an old fashioned term.
Oh okay, like my like great great great grandma used it, and like he's.
Dead, ashit.
Okay.
Yeah.
It's also when someone brings up a dead relative, it's like.
Weird to api with groceries. Donald Trump says that nobody uses it.
He says it's old fashioned. So Trump is a trendsetter. He doesn't want to use groceries anymore. What do you think we should call them? I don't know. It's something I have to think about. I really am blindsided by this. Who sang these lyrics? Eat that booty like groceries?
You know? I don't know.
Come on, you know him, you love him?
I can tell you know him, you love them.
The beetles, oh, the beetle, blackbird.
I think and I feel like young people like us, we don't even go to stores anymore. We just get everything from the cloud, just from our apps.
Food on the table, my girlfriend says, noms.
Wokeries, wokeries, tummy trees, no mouth stuffers.
Yeah, use that one.
It conjures some of my past experiences.
Oh okay, I won't ask any more questions about that.
Thank you, Grace. Welcome back, Melissa, are not reading? We're joining on the show.
Ope by way, Welcome back to the Dally Show.
My guest that night is the first American woman to summit and descend Mount Everest without supplemental oxygen or new memoir is called enough Climbing Toward a True Self on Mount Everest.
Please welcome Melissa, are not read?
Thanks?
WHOA? How fun is that? Oh my god?
Thank you for coming, Thank you for having me, Thank you for opening up so much of your personal and professional life. In this book, you've summoned in Mount ever six different times I have. Is there like a loyalty rewards program when you go up and you get a free drink on your seventh time.
It's a lot of walking uphill slowly and you all just clap for that.
This is a simple question. But what is it like?
I mean, the most the highest I've ever skied is at thirteen thousand feet.
I couldn't breathe.
I was freezing and it was like, get down to warmth as fast as I can. Camp One is at nineteen thousand feet, and Mount Eversus twenty nine thousand feet.
What is it like to be up there?
I mean, it's really like your experience, but everything is harder.
So you had six beers with lunch right before you hit the slopes.
Six beers with lunch.
Yeah, it's but it must be.
It's addicting because so many of the characters in your book, yourself included, organize their entire life around this action, and that includes letting everything else in one's life go to shit in a lot of ways.
Yeah, definitely. I mean I think that there's this idea that when you go and you get that achievement, and you receive those accolades, you want to go back and do it again, but it also feels pretty empty. Interesting, that's a weird sort of dichotomy.
Why does it feel empty? You did the thing?
I mean, it's never enough.
We were talking backstage, But what is it like to actually exist at elevations like that from like motor skills and sleeping and eating.
You're not supposed to you know, we're not supposed to live at those very high altitudes, and it feels like you shouldn't be there. Everything is really really hard, Everything takes a long time to do, and it is pretty but you're right there. Yeah, so that's it, just below so you know what, technically that could be anybody. It literally could be just below the summit of Evers without oxygen.
And do you recognize those peaks just from a picture?
Like you know exactly? I do?
I like to think I do, but I mean, don't give me a Top's.
One of the things I love about this book.
You can definitely dork out on all the climbing, but you really open up about your personal life and in particular the difficulties of your childhood.
Why was that important for you? To share, and I'm glad you.
Did, thank you. Yeah, it's not a book about Everest. It happens to take place on Everest. And my career on Everest has really been about achievement and standing on a summit and receiving the accolades of that. And I've always wanted to explain to people like, there's so much more and it's not all summits, and it's actually a lot of dark descent, and I wanted a chance to explain that to people, and the idea that we can be really flawed and still be deserving of achieving great things.
Yeah.
So often in the book you're describing your personal life and turmoil, and then you would say, and then I went to Alaska and climbed a glacier and then I biked across calf.
It's called running away.
Yeah, I was gonna say, was that the coping strategy and mechanism.
Yeah, I mean it's a really wild thing when going to some of the most deadly places in the world starts to feel more safe than just being in your regular life. And now I can say, like, that's probably not healthy. Therapy would have been cheaper. But I went to Everest.
Instead, Why does climbing Mount Everest without oxygen help you find inner peace?
As you describe and did it? So are you at inner piece? Now? It's probably a little bit of nerves talking to such a celebrity, but like.
Are you honestly yeah?
Why is that fine?
It feels like climbers, high level climbers, it's never enough. Yeah, I mean you get you get to the top with oxygen. I can do it without oxygen, and I want to do it without oxygen, or I want to do this thing. I want to do this thing. I mean, have you achieved inner peace?
The ultimate?
You know, the climbing cliches abound, so bear with me here, but you know, it is a forever journey. There is no knat and tidy summit that we arrive on and we're just enough and then we just have the rest of our life. It's just kind of a continuous forever climb. And I'm on that climb and it's actually weirdly more hard and also more rewarding than climbing Everest. For sure.
I was really laughing at your book when you were struggling studios, You were struggling so much with relationships with men and then you would go do this feat and I was like, it might be harder to be married than to climb.
Yeah, yeah, it was for me in that era of my life. And I wrote an essay about that marriage was my Everest and it was kind of like the only honest thing I said at that time. And it felt like, oh, this is a joke and people will laugh, and then really I was like, no, it's much much harder to be married than it is to climb Everest in such an unhealed way.
To live, more technical probably to climb Everest.
I don't know that was.
It was meant to be kind of a climbing joke. You got broken up with on camp too, Like, actually.
A couple times.
I got a couple time.
I like to do things more than once, you know.
I mean I got broken up with a bar and every time I go to the bar, I shake. But it's like every time you go to Everest, you're like, oh, that's where that happened.
And we go back.
Yeah, we go back.
I'm never standing in that tent again.
We go back, we make new memories and then you take those forward.
Right, explain acclamation to me.
I don't understand that you go up, you hang out, then you come back down and you go back further.
What is that?
It's like the silliest thing ever. You know, you have to climb almost to the summit three times just to get there once. And so you go up, let your body adjust to the altitude, then go back.
Easier than marriage, honestly, Okay, sorry, keep going.
Yeah, and so you just allow your body to adjust, So it takes a really long time. I was just saying, I've spent a total of a year on everest of my life, like an actual years.
Yeah, that's so cool.
Talk to me a little bit about the Juniper Fund and what it is and why it's important to you.
Yeah.
So I co founded a nonprofit that provides financial support, vocational training, small business grants to the families of high altitude workers, primarily SHRPA in Nepal.
And these are essential what's the word workers helpers? Yeah, I mean teammates during this it's.
The infrastructure, you know, it's a human infra structure of real people whose job it is to make climbing everes possible. And they don't have an amazing support system when things go wrong, and so our nonprofit provides as much support as we possibly can to the families when something happens.
And things go wrong, things go wrong, I mean, you've.
Experienced and seen the absolute worst. I mean, one of the more harrowing descriptions early in the book is when people are climbing up there's bodies that get left there because maybe even the families of the climbers want them to stay there or you can't recover them. And then you've I mean, yeah, it's really moving to read, but also you've seen some shit.
I've seen some shit of there for sure. It's yeah, it's not theoretical.
And still easier than marriage.
Honestly. It says probably something about people who climb a high altitude and pass frozen bodies and then act like that's normal. Later like not normal. It's really really weird and it's not normal.
I kind of love that achievement competitive mindset, and I have to admit that when I was reading that, I was like, I wonder if a college tennis player.
Could have what it takes. Do we have what it takes?
Like, does this audience to some some of it more than others have what it takes to actually do that?
It depends on how hard your childhood was really.
Yeah, I was gonna say, yeah, do we have to.
Have a traumatic It's really helpful to have pretty hard upbringing, because you know, then you feel like you deserve to suffer, and you're probably more willing to do it.
Do you.
Would you wish for a less dramatic traumatic childhood?
You know? Very honestly.
No.
I think that everything that happens prepares you for what's coming next. And I wouldn't have survived some of the things that came next if I didn't start out the way that I did.
What would you say to younger Melissa about romantic relationships with men?
Don't, Carl, Just don't.
It's a treat for me to get to talk to such a world lass athlete, an achiever. And I would be remiss if I didn't ask you for a life hack, something that you do that's helped you that we could all steal from you. Does anything come to mind? It can be climbing, it can be anything related. What's I love getting in the mindset of someone that's done what you've done.
Yeah. I think one of the things that's been the most helpful in my life and help me survive in so many different scenarios. Is this really lack of rigidity towards things? So I try to continuously be flexible, willing to change, pretty focused, but not rigid.
That's awesome, and that's very hard. Now I have a follow up. I always like the tree in the wind. The trees move with the wind.
They don't feel like this does not favor the rigid.
Right, Medically, you're also trained medically. You talk about being called into emergencies. What should we know medically? What's one thing I should know medically? All the time?
You're gonna die?
Okay it is? How is that a life hat?
It's just important you know again, acknowledge focus, but don't be so rigid, right, I love that.
Thank you so much writing this book.
I love it.
I'm not available on our Melissa. I'm not reading day quick bait. We write back there to that. That's myself for tonight, not here. It is your moment of out.
He's saying to every business in every country in the world, if you want to sell to America, move.
Your business here.
I get it. And in the long run he's right. But in the long run, we're all dead.
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