Trump’s Assassination Paranoia | JB Smoove

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Jo from the most trusted journalists at Comedy Central's America's only source for news. This is The Daily Show with your host Michael Costa.

Welcome to The Daily Show.

My God, I'm Michael Costa.

We have so much to talk about.

Joe Biden has a new fan, Donald Trump is afraid for his life, and RFK Junior is reaching out to only people weirder than he is. So let's get into all of it with our continuing coverage of Indecision twenty twenty four.

Let's kick things off with polls.

There's a new one every fifteen minutes, even though none of us have ever met a single person who's participated in one, but whatever, someone's doing them. But a new poll was out today that reminds us that no matter how dumb our leaders are, we the people are even dumber.

The Guardian did like a commissioned Harris poll for Americans and how they feel about the economy. Fifty five percent say the economy is shrinking. Fifty six percent say the economy is in recession, which you know we know on SANBC is not the case.

Forty nine percent believe the SMP is down for the year, which seems incredible, which.

It's up about thirteen percent and twenty three percent last year. Forty nine percent also say unemployment is at a fifty year high. In fact, unemployment is at a fifty year low or near there, under four percent.

Right, all right, So just to summarize, we think the economy is shrinking when it's actually growing, that the stock market is down when it's actually up, and that unemployment is that a fifty year high when it's actually near a fifty year low. But we do know that benefits on the rocks, so we're not completely pathetic.

I mean, it might just be me, but maybe.

As a society we shouldn't have replaced newspapers with dudes ranting in cars. I don't know, and look, in a way, I get it. People don't judge the economy based on data. They're like, you say, the GDP is up, but I say, I used to be on my cousin's Netflix account and now I have to get my own. So yeah, Jerome Powell, we're in a recession, okay, But you have to remember, Yeah, these are not surveys of Americas.

These are not surveys of Americas.

These are surveys of Americans who are willing to talk to a stranger who cold calls them in the middle of a work day. What I'm saying is these people are not normal. I mean I ignore phone calls from my own mother. That's normal, you get it. Sometimes I'll get three, four or five calls in a row. You know, there's a bunch of texts, like the cars filling up with water. I don't have time for this, mom. I'll

What is he?

I guess he's not available right now?

Okay.

While Biden has his work cut out for him trying to win over people who aren't fully informed about the stock market, one of his rivals is going after a much smaller group of people who are obsessed with it.

US presidential candidate Robert F. Kennedy Junior is now trying to appeal to amateur traders on Reddit who call themselves apes and intentionally invest in distressed companies like game Stop.

The politician going on to say that he personally invested twenty four thousand dollars in game Stop between a company. But is our new campaign poster showing Kennedy and an actual ape, each holding what appears to be a falcon?

Wait, wait forget game Stop, but why does this picture look like he's on a honeymoon with that falcon?

Are they in love?

Or is the falcon just trying to get a better angle on that worm.

In his brain.

Now you might think it's weird for RFK Junior to be going after this tiny little specific group, but don't forget America is just a bunch of tiny little specific groups. First he gets the redded Apes, Then he gets the Furries, then the tradwives, cottage, core, TikTok, Disney Adults, Jet Blue frequent flyers with Mosaic Elite status, and the next thing you know, it's January and he's.

Giving his State of the Union from burning Man.

Let's move on to Republican candidate Donald Trump. Recently he took over the Recently he took over the Republican National Committee, and today someone sent him a housewarming gift.

We begin with breaking news from the Republican National Committee headquarters in Washington, d C. It was placed on lockdown this morning after vials of blood were set to the building.

According to multiple.

Sources, we've learned that package was addressed to former President Donald Trump and it contained two vials of blood.

What the fuck is going on? Someone sent blood to the RNC. I guess that could just be Rudy Giuliani's lunch order. I mean, but even so, why is anyone sending blood through the mail? It's twenty twenty four people fax it, but seriously, don't send blood to the RNC.

That's reckless. Not eve going to end up on their mailing list.

But you can see why Donald Trump might be freaked out by this, because, as you may have heard, someone is trying to assassinate him.

Donald Trump is now claiming that the FBI raid on mar A Lago two years ago was actually Joe BI attempt to assassinate him. He pointed to wording in the search warrant that allowed the FBI to use lethal force if necessary, which the FBI says is standard protocol in any search.

But in a fundraising email to supporters, Trump wrote they were authorized to shoot me, and you know they're just itching to do the unthinkable. Joe Biden was locked and loaded, ready to take me out. Holy shit, locked.

And loaded, ready to take me out.

I've never heard Joe Biden sound so fucking cool in my life. I always thought of him as a doddering old man. Yeah, I always thought of Biden as a doddering old man. But Donald Trump makes them look like one of the expendables.

The rest of you, the rest of you take.

What you want, believe the Orange Man to me, can you takee wheel of fortune?

This might take a little while.

Now.

Personally, I think it would be very difficult to assassinate Donald Trump, mostly because he would never get that close to a book depository. But regardless, I don't think Trump actually fears getting assassinated by Joe Biden. And the reason is because he announced it in a fundraising email. If you're dodging bullets, you don't stop to wave your venmo QR code, you know, Please somebody send money. For more on this so called assassination conspiracy, we go live to Josh Johnson.

God, Josh, what's the latest?

Hi, Michael, I'm at Joe Biden's campaign headquarters. In the Donald Trump assassination room, and the mood here is frustrating.

Wait, Joe Biden actually is trying to assassinate Donald Trump.

Oh of course Trump is one hundred percent correct, all right, Bibe's been trying to take him out for years.

Okay.

The entire FBI RA was their best chance. They were gonna roll into mar Alacco corner Trump in his office, surround him like Scarf Race, and then be like and the Secret Service is gonna be like.

Stoo still stoooo.

And then Trump was gonna be lit up like mission accomplished.

I mean, I don't don't.

I don't think that's how guns sound.

That's because you're not from the streets.

Okay, okay, fine, But if they were trying to assassinate Trump, why would they raid his house on the day that he wasn't even there.

Look, they're trying to find Trump. But the guys like the win. When was the last time you saw him? I saw him yesterday.

He's been at the New York Courthouse every day for two months. And when he's not there, he's at a rally that he promotes on his website.

Damn, how'd you know that.

You should join the ta, you can stand right next to me hit him with some of thatty.

Ugh, Josh, Josh, Josh. I'm positive that's not how guns sound.

Wow, suburban white boy gonna tell me about guns?

Okay?

All right, Oh you're laugh at that.

Like you ever caught a body?

Cost Look, hold on, hold on, let's get back to the story. This is huge news. Is Biden still trying to take Trump out?

Oh?

Yeah, Everything in Donald Trump's life is a Joe Biden plot against him, even the poison poison? Yeah, what do you think, KFC is you think that's just a business. No, No, it's a seventy seven year long plan to clog up Trump's arteries. All right, and that's not all. Did you ever notice that Trump has been aging one day every single day that Biden's been president. You think that just happens to people? Wake up, Michael, It's a secret plot to kill Trump with natural causes. This is diabolical.

I mean, isn't that just how time works? Why would Biden do something that complicated? Trump said a president has total immunity to take.

Out his rivals. Why can't Biden just use a drone?

Ooh, Costa, you smart?

You sure?

You don't want to be on the assassination tape, like, because the drones will be coming down like cuckoo.

Drones don't sound like birds. I know that, then why they in the sky?

Okay, country Club, Costa is gonna tell me a man from the streets what a military grave predator drones sounds like?

It's not important.

Look, Biden is wasting so much time trying to take out Trump, he's gonna end up losing the election to.

Him, exactly, And the stress of that job will kill Trump for sure.

No, but Trump was already president and he's fine.

Yeah for one term, but give him three or four more terms and he's done for Okay, and that's the Biden brain baby.

Wow, that's the perfect plot, Josh Johnson.

Everyone, I mean, when we come back, we actually find some fans of Joe Biden. Don't go away. That's the party. Welcome back to the Daily Show.

There's plenty of endangered species out there, but in American politics, there's one species more endangered than most.

Troya Wata has more in this election.

Republicans have their writer die candidate who they want to be president forever, and Democrats they also have a guy so the.

Best way to get something done if you hold near and dear to you that you.

Like to be able to.

Anyway four more years.

Joe Biden has an enthusiasm problem.

The polling shows that Democrats are not enthused Joe Biden.

Democrats are not excited.

But maybe we in the media are out of touch. I hit the streets to ask what do voters really think of Joe Biden?

Not the most excited?

I mean it's okay, I wish I was more excited on a scale of one to ten, probably somewhere arount of two or three. How would you compare that to say, seeing some really beautiful latte art? I would put that maybe as a five. Could you point on this graph how you feel about voting for Joe Biden? Okay, some pain, But if you couldn't tell by the stick and pok tattoos and Warby Parker glasses, these people were all Democrats. There must be something they like about Joe Biden.

He's big ice cream guy. Hm, you can't vote against that.

What do you think his favorite flavor is vanilla?

One hundred percent?

Oh god, it's got to be a superman.

You know, he's our president.

He's our president.

Yeah, slap that on a T shirt.

It I expect him to kind of behave like a president as opposed to like this child.

He definitely is not a child.

But then I found one person whose passion whelmed me on a scale of one to ten. How excited are you about voting for Joe Biden?

Eleven? Eleven? Oh my god? Is this Joe Joe Biden?

Or is this like the famous coryon Instagram named Joe Biden that I'm not aware.

Of Joe sniph Robin and Biden.

I didn't even know there was this full name Junior. Oh my god, there's an older one.

Wow.

Who was this guy? Against my better judgment, I followed him to his car.

Oh my god.

Oh okay, it's a cardboard cutout.

Before I get your.

Car, I have to ask, this isn't a sex thing, right?

It is not?

Okay? Good? Yeah?

I didn't think so.

Yeah.

Oh oh my god.

You have Kamala too?

Do you have the whole cabinet in there?

Where's your cutout of acting Labor Secretary Julie Sue Julie Julie Meet Dakota Galvin, Joe Biden's biggest and only super fan. Could he hold the key to helping Biden defeat Donald Trump and his maga army. Trump has this huge fan club of tens of thousands of really intense weirdos, and Biden has you.

Why do you think that is?

There's sort of like a cult mentality going on there. I think they have an unnatural devotion to a single person, right, cult.

Like devotion to one man?

Am I right? Okay?

Let's talk about the cardboard cutout? Why do you keep him in your trunk?

Don't you want to just see him in the morning and say, what's up?

Joe?

Well, my boyfriend isn't his He's less enthusiastic. Oh my god, having him watch us at all times? Oh my god, you have a boyfriend, I do?

Okay, Setting aside the question of whether the boyfriend was also a cardboard cutout, when did Dakota first realize he was Biden curious?

I was a senior in high school in twenty twelve, and I had just come out of the closet and Joe Biden has announced his support for marriage equality, and you thought.

To yourself, he's a little young right now to be president, but maybe in eight years he'll be ready.

At the time not so much.

But this man literally came out of retirement to save our country from white supremacists and fascism.

So you like him more now than when it was just Obama's white friend. Absolutely.

Oh that's a strong endorsement at a time when Joe Biden is so unpopular that somehow hating him is uniting pro Israel.

And pro Palestine protesters.

So what does Dakota see in this guy is his swag, his whispery voice, what's left at his hair?

Mostly his policies. There's so manyit chips from really wow. See I can't even think of any so go up. I would think.

When he came into office, he immediately got to work with the American Rescue Plan. He followed it up with a bipartisan Infrastructure Act, the Chips and Science Act, the.

Chips and Salsa Act, Chips and Science. Oh, you know, maybe to policy more, but I think you're right.

There was his eightieth birthday when he had old candles on his cade.

Yeah, I guess we can have fun with glaring reminders of his age. Turns out the things they get Dakota excited are different from other voters.

What did he think their problem.

Was, well, he is an older, straight white gentleman, and in Democratic circles that's usually not what gets us excited.

You know, I don't think there's anything we can do about his oldness or his whiteness. But do you think he would consider exploring his sexuality?

Oh?

Rash sure, Joe Biden tumbler fan fiction aside. Could Dakota get Democrats fired up about Biden?

Oh?

Not like that.

I'm going to pretend to be someone who's not overly enthused to vote for Joe Biden, and they want you to convince me.

All right, yeah, okay, I'm ready. Do you love living in a democracy?

Yes?

Oh my gosh, I've got the perfect candidate for you to vote for. Who is it? It's the current president, Joe Biden.

Oh well, you know it's a vote for normalcy, insanity, and you know, keeping the institutions that have built our constitutional republic for centuries.

Keeping things the same as they are now, with minor improvements, with minor improvements.

I mean, I guess one thing that's good about Biden is he doesn't have the baggage you know, say that Hillary has.

You know, I love Hillary.

Come on, maybe I've been focusing on the wrong thing. Maybe it isn't the voters that need the pep talk, it's Joe Biden and Dakota has some advice that will shake the political landscape forever.

I would say, keep doing what you're doing, but do it better.

Yeah, way to pump them up. Well, there's always twenty twenty eight especially.

Can I please sit in the front. No, I'm sorry, I can try and we come back.

Jab Smow will be drunning on the show. If you don't go, well, welcome.

Back to Dary show.

My guest tonight is an Emmy winning actor and comedian who plays Leon Black on Curb Your Enthusiasm.

Please welcome j V Smooth. Oh shit, Oh that's great.

Oh my god?

What hey?

Man?

Yeah, yeah, it's dop rad and baby. Let me tell you something. Yeah. No two words have ever been spoken man than that. Yeah. Let me tell you something. Yeah.

You and that car, right, you will be assassinated. You know how you were ruined, big big oil?

What right? What I liked about that clip was the dick hole for the car. You still had to get out and walk to it. I was thinking, you to it?

What's that?

What's hey?

Whatever?

He set up perfect, man.

I set you up perfect.

So was that in the script dick in the hole in the coffee or is that just JB doing JB like just check you a dick hole?

You know?

Curb Kurb has no no script, you know, it's only an outline based on the idea for the for the episode. But that changes also based on where you go. It's just like branches. It's branches everywhere right forking road.

And you got a tooth, but you want to go.

It's fun in particular to watch you because everyone's playing a little bit of an exaggerated version of themselves, but it seems like you're playing a completely different character.

Is that? Is that? Is that a fair assessment?

You?

You know what I have to say?

What Leon would say, right, you know.

And it's one of those things where I get caught up in this guy's world. I truly do ye where I just I'm not myself right, I'm a compassionate heart woman guy. Of course, we got we share some cadence maybe little things here, yeah, delivery.

And stuff like that.

He swears a lot, and you haven't even sworn.

I'll get to that, but anyway, Yeah, he swears a lot.

You know.

One time, you know, I was driving home from set okay, and I call my wife Artie calling, how was your day?

You know that was great? Well, she says all the time, what did Leon say today? What did Leon say?

But that's that's that's what curb is, man, it is truly you are creating on the fly, you know.

Yeah, that's what's a wonderful wife. I mean, I called my wife in the way home and.

She's like, here's what needs to happen tonight. We got lunches to make.

We got this and I love that it's full updated what went down today.

When people meet you, do they want JB, do they want Leon?

Do you give them Leon?

They call me Leon all the time. It depends who they are. And you know, but I got a lot of Leon.

You see that as a compliment.

It's a compliment, you know.

I always say life is like a series of checkpoints.

I like that you find out.

What they love about you in the moment. Okay, okay, and maybe something that will come along there. People won't forget about Leon, but maybe y'all charter a new path.

Man, Yeah, some other amazing character will pop up.

I mean, you debuted in Curb in season six.

Yeah.

Man, it's seventeen years later, you're here talking to me about it.

Was crazy that trout somebody I was.

I was two years old when you debuted, can't.

I mean, you know this business. You don't get a job thinking I'll be doing this for cemetery.

Get it.

Sometimes you get a job and you don't want to know if you are gonna be.

On the next season. Yo.

So I truly.

Gues It's not even a joke, Joe. It's real. It's real.

Sometimes you gotta take a job. You gotta take a friend, you gotta take somebody's lady.

Sometimes you gotta take stuff. I get it.

But that's how you get there, and you do a great job, and you just be in the moment and you do exactly what they're looking for, and you give them more of what the want.

Talking about I mean, I love it.

And then that you know, but there is.

I mean, there are terms of the screw that you got to figure out what your character like. Like on Curb, I decide in the moment, you know, I don't decide before I get there. I don't decide based on what's written. I decide in the moment. If I want to have Larry's back, we'll go against him, which is a fascinating way.

I trying to find out what's going to be the best path.

What the what am I gonna get the most funny out of having his back or fighting with him?

Yeah?

You know what I mean, good fight, it's always great.

But there's also takes of you deciding and it doesn't work right or is just JB always I mean because it is fun watching because you see Larry sometimes crack or even see in his eyes he goes, I don't know what's happening to this?

Ye yeah, yeah, but yeah, that's where the stand up part comes in.

I'm just gonna ask you about stand up.

That's when it comes in there, because we we as stand ups, we we have to be able to read people. I could be in a room full of two thousand people in the audience. I have to find that one who's not left. I know, right, he's just like, I know, yeah, I see you man, you know, but I think.

And you don't think, oh I'm making one thousand, nine and nine of people laugh.

You think, what's wrong with this?

Mother? Yeah exactly? Yeah, yeah, but that's what I do. That's why it's that's that's what we do.

Not just improv people, but stand up comedians have a unique we can feel.

We're like we call the impath.

We're like empathpath.

We we like we can feel your energy. We feel it. We know when to move on to the next bit.

The dicilots in our ear goes up and comes back down to a certain level, and we know to move on.

Not even we got a little opening for the next bit.

But we gotta read people, and we gotta I gotta read him because I'm trying to honestly make a snop bubble come out his.

But also when you do.

A good slife, you make somebody app and it makes a slop bubble come out.

That's that's the ultimate.

But what's what's interesting about that too, is he's also your boss. He's on walls, so you gotta think about that too.

But but but you gotta keep people on your toes too, man. Yeah, because look, man.

Yeahs are dems are Like you said, I came on in season six, this train was already moving. Have you ever jumped on a moving subway train?

I have not.

No ship is daring and fascinating. It's fascinating and depth defying. It's depth defying.

Right.

But because you almost lateful work already late for work, right, you jumped between cars. I gotta be a work at a certain time we get fired. But anyway, I don't recommend you're doing that. But the train was already moving, right, So I had to sit there and figure out, jump on the train that's already moving. That's already amazing successful show.

You know that.

I was a big fan of the show, and my wife manifested me being on the show.

I read that.

I told me I was gonna be on that damn show. I said, I love this show so much, I'd love to be on this show one day. I said, you're going to be on that show one day. I love that lo and behold that sweet lady. Seventeen years later, lady man she told me I was gonna be on that show. But yeah, I go even back further. The first thing I ever did was I took an improv class, oh before I even started doing stand up, because I wanted to find out who I wanted to do stand up.

I mean, I've read that you you you have said stand up has been a vehicle for you that you get on it, you get off it, you take it somewhere. And that fascinates me because there's definitely a compulsion of stand ups that like I always do stand up, I'm a stand up.

I'm a stand up.

But have explain to me, elaborate what you mean by stand up is a vehicle for you?

Stand up is your vehicle because you got to take care of it.

You got to maintain it.

Yep, you gotta love to drive it.

You gotta love to drive it.

Man, that's your vehicle to get to any place you want to get to. Stand up stand up comics also take the drama of the world and we convert that drama because we have a different filtration system. We are deep minded. We are we are we've been through a lot. We can take everything we've been through and rearrange it to make you laugh about it.

Yeah. We are also therapists. We touch on things. We touch on things that.

Only we can touch on it in that way. Yeah, if you look, man, if you get rid of the comedian, you might as well just die. I'm telling you, because there's no way in hell you could take the brunt of the real world every day without somebody who's able to take that world, filtrate it, put it through their body and give it.

Back to you in a manageable form. I love. No one can do that but a comedian. I love that.

Last question for you, Urb Curb is done.

JB.

Smooth is not done. No, what's next for you?

What do you got going on? Man?

Look, this is this is the time where you know. The cool thing about what I have accomplished throughout my career is people don't understand this, but a lot of times I gotta make time for curb, okay, and not the other way around, because you know, commercial campaigns, TV shows, movies, you know, shitting every time.

Every time I'm Frank the plant, every time I look on there's.

You dress a Caesar, there's Season, there's white Claw, There's all these amazing things that I do.

I am an amazing spokesperson. I truly do. I believe. I believe, I believe I got to sell anything that I love that.

I like it's genuine.

It feels it has to be genuine. So that's the power.

And people out there, please don't be afraid of the power of no. Do not be ever afraid of the power of no, because another opportunity is gonna come around. Right So now it's time for curbas one. It's one show. I don't shoot Curb three hundred and sixty five days a year. Curb is one show that takes a few two or three months to shoot, and I'm done the rest of the year.

I gotta be. I gotta be on the go. I am.

I am a big hustle man, I truly do. But I find a way that remain grounded. I found a way to also figure out what's next for me, you know. Therefore, I gotta sell a brand. I believe I have a brand. I have a unique voice. I believe. I believe people believe in me. Everyone they think I'm around with them. But I take time for people number one, because I know that what I have you can they need.

Sometimes I connect, you cannot.

You know how many times I miss flights for somebody there for.

They stopped me, they talking to me, you.

Know, but we have our our our production company that we started, Alternate Side Productions.

This is going. And I used Alternate Side because I got a whole lot of tickets growing up.

Austin said, they speak parking regulations here in New York City, So.

I use that Austin aside, just to have my.

New York roots and my manager and my partner Miles. We are going to do some amazing things man, in TV and film and keep the brand going because I truly believe you're selling something amazing. You're able to drive that vehicle, you know, to the next plateau.

Man, You've always made me laugh on Curb your stand up. Thank you for coming and hanging out with us.

Congratulations on Curb. I finally season up Curve here things you have in the bad on.

The stream my Max JB smooth Baby, click breaking right back after the vehicles.

That's our show for tonight.

Here it is your moment of that look.

I'll just be very plain and simple.

I was in the State of the Union address and Joe Biden must have been jacked up on something that day. I absolutely believe that from a medical viewpoint.

What do you mean when you say it was jacked up at the State.

Of the Union.

I believe they gave him something to help him sustain the lights and sustain the vigor that he had that was not Joe Biden. I was in there. He screamed for two hours. He screamed for two hours. And you know, maybe we can talk offline and I'll show you something. And I think that proves.

That you'll show me.

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