Trump's $5M Immigrant "Gold Card," Elon's First Cabinet Meeting, | Rosebud Baker

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We've got so much to talk about tonight.

Donald Trump is releasing a new line of hats for your weird uncle to wear. America's cover charge is about to go up, and Elon Musk does handstuff. So let's get right into it.

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Today. It was a big day for Donald Trump.

He had a meeting with every member of his cabinet and he even invited the president. By the way, thanks for dressing up, Elon. Don't let us keep you from a blackjack tournament in two thousand and six. But yes, Elon did have a seat at the table, well, not an actual seat. He was more looming over it like an ed, hardy sith lord. And some reporters wondered if that created tension with the actual cabinet members, given that he keeps trying to fire all of their staff.

President Trump put out a truth social today saying that everybody in the cabinet was happy with you.

I just wondered if that's if you had heard otherwise.

And if you had heard anything about members of the cabinet, you weren't happy with the way things were.

Going, and let the cabinets make just for.

If you are well, throw him at It's.

Nice to know that someone gets a vote on whether Elon must should be running the country. It would have been awkward if someone started to raise their hand before everyone.

Else started clapping me.

Oh no, I wasn't raising my hand. I was just about to do a Nazi salute.

You good save.

So everyone is proud of the job that Elon is doing, and Elon agrees, and I should say we also we won't make mistakes.

We won't be perfect, but when we make mistake, we'll fix it pretty quickly.

So for example, with USAID, one of the things.

We've accidentally canceled very briefly was Ebola bola prevention.

I think we will want ebola prevention, so we were stilled the Evola prevention immediately.

I'm sorry you accidentally, Verry briefly canceled what I hate to be giving efficiency notes to the efficiency master. But perhaps next time we keep a Bola prevention going the whole time. Is Elon really asking for a credit for credit for only canceling a bola prevention a little bit?

It's like he dropped a baby and went, what look, how fast I picked it up five second rolled.

I think we should be a little more careful, especially when we're already dealing with the measles outbreak.

But don't worry, Elon is not in charge of that. RFK Junior is.

There's one hundred and twenty four people who have contracted measles at this point, mainly we're told in the men A Night Community there are two people who have died. But uh, we're watching it, so it's not unusual. We have out breaks every year.

Quick question.

When you say we have measles outbreaks every year, are you talking about America or like you right now it sounds like you might take out that whole room and that would be terrible. But yes, URFK is overseeing the measles outbreak and he has promised promise that he will personally, if the hospital allows it, consume all of the corpses of those infectis.

So he's really stand to it.

And this cabinet meeting was kind of a waste of time, Okay, but Trump has been getting some stuff done. For example, yesterday he signed an executive order that forces hospitals to be transparent with their prices. And look, that seems like a good idea, and I am perfectly capable of been minting it. When Donald Trump did something good, When Donald Trump did something good, good, when.

Donald Trump did something good, I can't say it. I can't say it. Why is this so hard?

Oh?

Thank god? Those don't come along very often. Of course, because it's Donald Trump.

Most people will never hear about this price transparency thing, because at the same meeting he seemed more interested in doing stuff like this.

Do you have one of those? Trump was right about everything?

Has to me this, Ye, give me all of them.

Look, see that Trump was right about everything?

Just came in.

Somebody said that.

I said, this was sent in by a fan. I said, I think we should make some of them right. But we were pretty much you.

Won't want.

Okay, First of all, that is way too much text.

Guys.

If your hat needs a book, it's not a good hat. And look, I hate to quibble with the hat. But Trump wasn't right about everything. Okay, there were a couple of small things. I don't know Haitian immigrants weren't eating cats and dogs. There wasn't fifty million dollars worth of condom sent to Gaza. Belgium is not a city. The twenty twenty election wasn't stolen.

China doesn't.

China doesn't operate the Panama Canal, nor does it.

And the best taco.

Bulls are not made at the Trump Tower grill. But yes, other than that, Trump was right about everything. Now, I'm not trying to be a hater, but if you're going to own a hat with a ridiculous lie on it, at least make it a fun ridiculous lie, which is why.

I'm selling these.

Garfield did nine to eleven get yours today before.

He finishes the job.

But obviously Trump didn't bring everybody into the Oval office just to sell hats.

He was there to sell something much more fancy.

We're going to be selling a gold card. You have a green card. This is a gold card. We're going to be putting a price on that card of about five million dollars, and that's going to give you Green card privileges plus.

Oh oh, green card privileges plus see I was still getting America with ads.

Quick question It's a quick question.

If I'm unhappy with America, can I cancel my subscription after seven days?

I am curious. What does this gold card do.

It's going to be a rep to citizenship and wealthy people will be coming into our country by buying this card. They'll be wealthy, and they'll be successful, and they'll be spending a lot of money.

Did this guy just put a cover charge on America? It's five million dollars to get in, but he'll waive it if you bring in three hot girls with you. I mean, I guess it beats the old way of becoming a citizen, which was to marry Donald Trump. But still, I feel like immigrant stories are going to be a lot less inspiring in the future. My grandfather came to this country with nothing but five million dollars and the

Hey, Canada, how you doing, girl. I'm just gonna come out and say it. I want to be in you and listen.

I don't have five million dollars, but I do have four dollars and a cough drop and this orange hat. Let's talk about it.

Now.

You might be thinking, wait a second, If the US is just going to put citizenship up for sale, doesn't that mean that any monster can buy one as long as they're rich.

Well, according to Trump, mm.

Hmm, Russian oligark be eligible forty gold car Yeah.

Possibly, Hey, I know some Russian oligarch said are very nice people.

It's possibly.

Seems like Trump watched Anora, and his takeaway from that movie was, we need to do more to help out that rich Russian teenager.

He's so good at sex.

But if you're letting Russians come into the country, you gotta be careful. Okay, I don't want to engage in stereotypes, but if you let a Russian in, then there's going to be a smaller Russian inside of him, and then an even smaller Russian inside of him, and on and on and on.

There's always another careful bottom line.

I'm not sure I like the idea of a special card that gives rich people unique access to America. But if we were going in that direction, we have an idea for how to market.

It for centuries the world's poor and hungry have flocked to America's shores, and now you can jump that line introducing the Trump Gold Card.

Million dollars you get Citizenshick plus exclusive access to Wyoming. Yeah, you get to vote twice and best of all, the Delta Skyloud peak hours on and for a ten million more, you get the Trump Platinum Card.

Better than go you get two laws a year, a free Continental Breakfast, got jeez, three months of Apple TV plus and a god want more the Trump Black Card, that Platinum car you get your face, I'm not rushmore, suck at Lincoln your own star on the flat, and

If there's one thing we've learned about Elon Musk. It's said he's a very graceful man who's comfortable in his own body. But how did he get that way? Well, good news we found the man responsible.

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the stage, mister Elon Musk.

Double first, double first, and more. He nailed it, so proud. My name is Jon Lehmann. I am Elon Musk's normal body movement choreography. I am responsible for all the very normal movements you see elor In Musk making with his body on a daily basis. Elone is a wonderful pupil. He might not necessarily have the coordination of a great dancer or the talent or ability general control over his limbs, but he does have the money. I would rate his

Jong un.

F'symon Beautiful. Did you see it?

Mother?

He did look like a kangaroo with lyme disease. Well, that was the point. You don't respect my craft. My first big gig was actually a stage production of high school musical on Jeffrey Epstein's Island. I've choreographed dances for some of the great super rich dancers of our time, Bill Gates, Steve Balmer, Yo Yo Siwa. Three days before the inauguration, Elone told me he wanted to develop a signature move like Trump's double handy. He wanted to send his heart out.

To the crowd.

He told me he wanted it to look like Adolf, of course, to the twentieth century Russian ballet dancer Adolph Bohm. So we worked and worked until eventually we landed on our final solution. Elon's about to send his heart out to the crowd. People are gonna love it. His quatch here he goes if he just oh no, that must have been a mistake. Surely he won't do it again. He did it again.

Okay, my heart goes out to you.

No.

Of course I didn't know he was going to do that. He was supposed to send his heart out to the crowd.

It was supposed to be like this, obviously, that is not what we rehearsed by that.

Please don't fire me, Jojo.

Things have been hard since the incident. I lost my job, house, and my scarf, but I did land a new job. I have been asked to be the singing coach for RFK Junior RKA. It's La La La, not a.

Rosebud Baker will be joining me on.

This shold well let today. So my guest is a.

Comedian actor, an Emmy Award winning writer for SNL. Her latest stand up special for Netflix is called The mother Load. Please welcome rosebud Baker, whoa warm up guy does his job. Yeah right, Vince is in a fool he that's exactly what he's doing. I am so happy to have you on. Congratulations on your special.

Thank you.

I enjoyed it so much. I was so excited to have you on to talk about it. So you you filmed half of this special when you were eight months pregnant, yes, and then half of the special after you had your baby a year after Yes.

Right.

So I guess my first question is why not film for part of your set?

Being actively in label? I felt like he's missing something.

You know. I guess I left something on the table there, So what I did, Yeah, No, I should have thought of that, I really should. Yeah, a lot of blood.

So yeah, we saved the pin of pulse focus totally. But you don't want the baby to upstage you, right, Yeah.

That's what's important, is that the spotlight stays on me.

That's exactly right. I couldn't agree more. Yeah, it's so, it's so good. What was behind that decision to want to show that part of your journey like those playing with the economy of those two?

Yeah, I just I wasn't sure. I was someone who wasn't sure if I wanted kids or not, and I kind of tortured myself with the decision. And I also wasn't sure that I had an hour that I could confidently put out, So it was you know, necessity is

Anyway. You you you talk about your struggle.

You you labored over the decision of whether to have a child or not.

Do you now you have.

A like my pun and now you have a one and a half year old daughter?

Do you deeply regret it?

How long do things stay on the internet? Uh?

Oh, no, one will catch it?

No then no, No, I don't regret on all that. I mean, listen, every day, it's like I've definitely changed.

You know.

I was a huge bitch before and now now it's worse. Yeah, I was gonna say so I can say that. Yeah, you know, But no, I don't regret it. I don't.

I really wish that I had your special to watch when I was pregnant, because I think so many women think like, oh my god, am I even gonna be myself anymore?

Am I going to change? Am I gonna?

And it was really cool to see you on the other side of it. You know, just brilliantly doing your thing. The thing that stood out the most for me because I was looking to see your perspective change between pre baby and post baby, and you could see that you

And to see that visual.

It dispelled the bullshit myth of like women lose their edge when they become mothers.

I'll watch this special.

Yeah, I honestly, I think that the whole notion that women like are soft or that they're not that they're not on their game. I don't think motherhood does that to women. I think bad husbands do that to women.

Yeah, I think.

I agree.

I mean bad husbands are the problem.

Your husband is a good husband, yes, and is also a stand up comedian and then still an idiot and.

He's the best.

Yeah, yeah, but he's a good idiot. He's a good idiot, So he's a comedian. You're a comedian. Are you concerned that your daughter's at high risk for becoming a comedian?

Yeah, so my husband and I are both recovering alcoholics. I'm add he's depressed. I think comedy is like the least of her worries.

She's good.

Yeah, it pains me to say this, but it might be the best case scenario.

Well, if that's the case, that she's got a great role model to look up to. One of the things that stands out so much about your comedy is that you just get right to the bone, like you are not afraid to talk about things that some might find hard to mind comedy from you.

You're very honest, You're very raw.

You talk openly, like in the clip about experiencing miscarriage, you talk about loss, you talk about grief, postpartum.

Is that something that is.

It helpful to process all of that stuff through comedy?

No, he's helpful. It's like, you know, you know what's better than laughter is medicine. Yes, yeah, you know. I mean I feel like Patch Adams was goofy, but he still gave those kids chemo.

Yeah.

If only we could make we could replace r f K Junior with Patch Adams. Yes, you could a little little switch true set right, wouldn't.

That be good?

Amazing you are you're incredibly busy as is. Uh, you're also an Emmy winning writer on s n L. You you you rite on weekend Update, So you're in the trenches. Do you find it incredibly challenging to stay on top of just the pace of the news all the time? Like, how do you how do you cope? I'm asking for a friend.

Yeah, well, it's helpful that they pay me. That does. But I will say that, uh, this is a good tip, just like focusing on yourself, you know, like breathing, Like when I go into work, I'll just take like a deep breath, I'll center myself and then I'll like, I'll just kick one pigeon as far as I cam.

Yes, I like that. Kick kick, kick a pigeon. Pigeon. Yeah. Well, and with bird flu going around, I'm just they kind of have it. You're saving lot, they have it coming.

Yeah, my gosh, thank you for that. Well, you can say Rosebud kicking pigeons around New York City. But you can also see her special The mother Load. It's streaming now on Netflix. Rosebud Baker, Everybody.

Right, you aren't so funny that night, though.

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