Trump Hits Les Miz, Elon Repents & RFK Jr. Infects CDC’s Vaccine Committee | Jeff Hiller

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Welcome.

I'm lighting, We've done I much to talk about tonight.

RFK Junior goes doctor shopping, Pete Hexith gets into a catfight, and Elon Musk is sorry for what he said when he was definitely not high. So let's check in on the best cabinet ever and another installment of the Worst Wing.

What a bunch of losers.

Let's start with Robert F.

Kennedy, Junior Secretary of Health and the only member of Trump's cabinet to be reheated in an air frer. Earlier this week, Kennedy abruptly fired all seventeen members of the CDC's Vaccine Advisory Committee, which understandably caused a lot of concern among people who prefer not to die from an old timey Oregon trail disease. But RFK Junior has got a new batch of doctors to replace them with, so I'm sure they're all equally qualified.

So let's get to know some of these vaccine experts. Some of the picks are well known vaccine critics, including doctor Robert Malone.

Robert Malone who's claimed that millions of Americans were hypnotized into taking the COVID nineteen shots and has suggested those vaccines cause a form of AIDS.

I think I like this guy a lot better when he was just selling us dose.

Ekis.

I don't always take vaccines, but when I do, they give me AIDS. Look, this guy's obviously crazy, but you can't deny there was some hypnosis going on during the pandemic, like we were washing our hands.

Every day, Like what was that all about? But forget the Department of Health.

Let's move on to the great work being done by Tulca Gabbert, Director of National Intelligence and the only Hawaiian who can make a loha sound like a threat. She decides which of America's secrets need to stay secret, but lately she's been getting some help.

Tulsa Gabbert, head of D and I, says the government is now using artificial intelligence to speed up its work in determining which documents can be declassified and released to the public. That includes files related to the assassination of President John F.

Kennedy.

Cool that technology we're all scared of and have no idea how dangerous it is. Let's teach it how to kill a president? What could go wrong? Also, why are you having.

AI read the JFK files for you? AI is for tedious things.

These are the most exciting documents in the government. It's like asking AI to watch all the sex scenes in a pornos so you can focus on whether the pizza got delivered. Maybe I've been using AI wrong this whole time. I thought it was for doing my kids' homework and seeing what I look like as Shrek.

Now stay thirsty, my friends.

Let's move on to Pete hegxas Secretary of Defense and guy whose favorite cologne is Rufie. He's been actsing a bunch of medical research programs for veterans that he claims are boondoggles. But when Senator Dick Durbin called him out on it yesterday, he gave a specific example of waste and it was very specific.

To give me an example of a boondoggle in medical research and our defensive I.

Mean, we're talking about some stuff I should shouldn't say in public. You know, marbles in the rear ends of cats, tens of millions of dollars.

Sometimes they hear about science experiments and I thank god.

I am so glad.

When I was growing up, no one was telling women they should be scientists.

Really dodged the bullet there.

To be fair, they were trying to find out why Garfield hates Mondays.

Now they know. Now they know.

Also, anyone who has cats knows that this isn't the weirdest idea ever. I mean, they are constantly showing us their buttholes. At some point someone's going to be like, all right, let me try something. But in case you're wondering who would fund such a ridiculous study, that would be President Trump himself. In twenty twenty, his defense departments said it was part of a revolutionary new treatment for spinal cord injuries. And that's the thing about science. It's

I think I don't know.

I failed psych But this is a great example of how anti science the Trump administration is. When Pete Hegseeth talks about science, he makes it sound stupid, and when RFK Junior talks about it, he makes it sound like someone dropped a fork in the garbage disposal. Let's move on to the reason your horse's prescriptions are out of stock.

Elon Musk.

Last week he got into a fight with Donald Trump that got so ugly. He claimed that Trump is in the Epstein files. The friendship seemed unsalvagable, but it turns out it wasn't quite as cyberf as we thought.

The world's richest man is now apologizing to the world's most powerful man, Musk backing away from some of his online attacks, posting this apology. I regret some of my posts about President Trump last week.

They went too far.

No no no no no no no no no no no no. You cannot Whoopsie Daisy your way out of saying someone's.

In the Epstein files.

It's not like saying sorry, I slammed the door, Sorry I shoved marbles up your cat's butt. I mean, I'm glad he apologized, because I guess it showed US exactly how long it takes for ketamine to wear off. Let's move on from the worst wing, because America is having a hard time right now. The military is invading California. US senators are getting manhandled by federal agents, and people

Do you identify more with Jean Valjean or Javert. That's a last part of that question.

That's tough.

I you better answer that one, Honey. I don't know.

I don't know what's worse that A reporter thought it was a good idea to ask Trump if he's the hero or the villain or that.

Trump's response was, Oh, that's a tough question. But while Trump.

Ponders which Leman's character he is, activists are planning nationwide protests this weekend. For more on those protests, we go live to Michael Costa in Los Angeles and.

Jordan Klepper in DJ.

Michael with you.

What's the latest in la does he.

Protesters here are still fuming about Trump sending marines into the city. It was the biggest overreaction since the time that ice cream truck didn't have rainbow sprinkles, so I slashed its tires.

Costa don't do chalk sprinks.

Okay, The point is these the tension raids are a cruel display of Trump's villainy. He's definitely the jauvert of our time.

Okay, thank you, Michael and Jordan. How are protestsing DC feeling?

The protesters in DC are equally upset and want to see an end to these cruel raids. And by the way, Trump is not javert. Costa is way off. But uh, what do you expect from a guy who only hears Broadway songs that they show up in a pornhub video.

Well, I'm sorry, I guess Jordan thinks Trump is Jean Valjean, the redeemed Catholic, so saintly that he adopts a prostitutes child. Jordan, you're a few rogers short of a hammer.

Start, Hu, Guys, I.

Think we're getting a little distracted here. Let's focus on the tests, not about your musical taste.

No problem for cossa. He doesn't have any The point is Dessi, the protester see Trump as a godless con artist, much like Tenardier, the corrupt innkeeper, which Michael would know if he weren't the kind of person who thinks guys and dolls is a strip club in Peoriadasi.

I'll tell you the only thing protesters fear more than the Marines right now, it's hearing Jordan Klepper bomb another audition, trying to nail the riff in defying gravity.

It's not about getting the work from the audition.

The audition is the work. You're flat on every shark, every shark. Is that right?

Is that right?

Well?

Time to drop the bomb. Michael is in the scene files.

Who whoa, whoa, whoa.

That's out a line.

Okay, okay, okay, okay, you know what, you know what, you're right. I regret what I said. I've been on ketamine this whole time.

Okay better No, wait, Jordan is consta in the Eine files.

I said, I'm sorry, Let's move on.

Yeah, DESI let it go. That's from that's from Frozen, Jordan. I thought a musical for children would be more up your speed.

Okay, dnamed Zella is a national treasure costa, thank you very much.

DESI excuse me? Can I interrupt? Oh?

Yes, Josh Sason, what are you?

I don't know.

I snatched me up at a protest and dropped me in the desert. That's not even protocol. They just doing whatever now, all right, I don't know where I am. I could be in Phoenix. I could be in Yemen. Oh my god, I hope I'm not in Phoenix.

Oh that that sounds truly awful. So, Josh, do you think Trump is a javert?

Who?

I need help?

And we're gonna get your help, buddy, But first you gotta tell us which character Trump would be in le miz?

Is that the one with the cats? What means the one the cats?

Gee?

Today, I'm sorry.

I don't spend all my time watching white people sing.

Okay, don't make this about race.

Yeah, there's a proud black tradition in theater. I just saw Audrey McDonald and Gypsy.

Fine, you're an ally. Is someone gonna help me? Yeah?

Yeah, I'll help you by getting you a rush ticket to cabaret.

Let's start. Then, of course you pick cabaret.

Of course it's cabaret with Yukasta.

Okay, okay, that's enough, Josh Josh Johnson.

Michael Conton, we get the first take from sitting in Smithson.

If he's been.

On Fable Television anytime in the last few months, you may have stumbled across stephen A. Smith spouting opinions about well everything. But how did he become so ubiquitous. Let's find out in a brand new daily show agraphy.

We live in a world of takes.

JJ would have to be a lunatic to take the Lakers breeze of fucking plissy.

Hot takes, quick takes, retakes, mistakes.

I won't get them, Kidney, absolute effing snob.

I'm drinking like Monster energy drinks sometimes, which are piss magnets. But we all know there's only one king of takes.

You can't be the king without a crime. You cannot be the king without the crime.

This is the daily show agraphy of Stephen A. Smith. Greatest of all take caverns, Stephen A had an optimal childhood for his future reign.

On the Broms raised in Queen's reigns about the greatest mind in the world.

That's right, every other mom in the world is a scrub. I don't care if your mother Teresa or that hot mom from the Brady Bunch. Those moms should be riding the bench behind. Janet Smith buying a career as an athlete. He enrolled in college at the Fashion Institute of Technology. It's called seeing the whole field people.

It was primearily a girls' school, and the other dudes were homosexual and left it all.

To up fit. Might not have the greatest tradition of sports, but it definitely had a playoff. Eventually, he put down the sewing needle and picked up the rock, transferring to the greatest basketball program in North Carolina, excluding all the other ones.

I hit seventeen straight three points saw me the scholarship on a spot.

That's right. Stephen A. Smith was the king of threes until he started playing actual games and became the king of one point five's per game.

I'm trying to figure out how you ever one and a half for like, don't you gift two?

Unfortunately, stephen A could not explain the mathematics, as he had attended the Fashion Institute of Technology. But if Smith struggled in the paint, he dominated in the Prince, joining the student newspaper and immediately proving himself the top college take ham in the country with a legendary dunk on his.

Own Hall of Fame coach.

That earned him a post college stint in newspapers and radio. And then stephen A was called up to the big league. It was the moment he'd been training for his whole life.

I had no television training whatsoever.

Okay, that didn't matter, so I went.

To the next best plan, be myself, say what I feel.

Yes, he had the rare ability to open his mouth and let words form indis sentences that people could hear on TV. No one had seen anything like it before. Smith was dropping takes from everywhere. Hot take.

This man was a bona fide scrub.

He can't play loud takes Aaron Bron is arid, freaking run louder takes a sylum who was on crap hour on freaking screaming takes.

Stinks that home was over me every time my name is associated.

With this damn franchise. Weirdly Quiet takes Lebron James is the goat.

Stephen A was the best ESPN had ever seen. I mean, not as good as in the Golden Age. But since then, oh there he is the natural. He was poetic, it was Shakespearerian and he never yelled. But the trophy he really needed was his own catchphrase. Every great broadcaster in history has had.

One good night.

Yes, and soon Stephen A. Smith hit upon something equally iconic.

Stay off the weed.

Don't stay off the weed, stay off the damn weed.

Or hear me out, maybe trial weed horrible. It was time for Smith to make his biggest move yet, coming for the reigning king of takes himself.

There are toms when I look at you, you should just be flat out.

Of shame of yourself. Don't have a charity?

Are the hell to question?

Night zimpit I'm talking.

They were the Larry Bird and Magic Johnson of yelling at the top of their lungs. Once Smith ousted his rival, he began breaking take records left and right. We're talking three hundred takes a day, with the sentence completion percentage of ninety three point three percent and off the charts decibel levels. The man even had a correct prediction average of well, that one doesn't matter. In twenty twenty five, Smith officially earned his greatest of all take avers Crown

I have always been against Wolf Kolching.

Now what I'm gonna say, Shamanda because it reminds me of me because of the foyhead. I am not about to sit here in Augwood have grown ass man about the movie?

Call?

Come on, Leo Craney is a thing. We have one. Now we on death's door. We might as well go down swinging. Steven A.

What is the correct way to wipe yourself standing the city?

That is a nasty ask question.

That's the difference between just talking shit and having a take on shit. But what a man has taken all there is to take?

I have spewed an opinion on over forty five thousand issues in my career on first.

Take, what takes or left for the taking? Smith?

Who is floating a potential twenty twenty eight presidential run.

There is somebody else is thinking of running president? Stephen A.

Smith?

The Democratic Party look so pathetic after this election.

I'm entitain Okay, hold up, does anyone really think a loud mouthed TV personality with endless opinions no qualifications and a bad hairline would be a plausible candidate for president of the United States.

I've been pretty good at picking people and picking candidates, and I will tell you I'd love to see him run.

Oh right, God damn it, Hi, darly show, you had your fornight, you.

Had guess what, it still was a sorry ass take.

You got some work to do, and maybe, just maybe you'll do it.

What if you stay off the week? Welcome Baby Show.

My jef Night is an actor writer a comedian new memoir called Actress of a Certain Age.

Please welcome Jeff Hiller.

I love having to stand on my tippy toes in heels to hug you.

Yeah, I'm a real big monster.

You are a tall drink of water. Thank you for being here.

I'm such a fan of yours and I enjoyed this book so much.

Thank you.

Actress of a Certain Age.

Actress of a Certain Age. It's all about my sort of humiliating experiences in my career. Yes, and I thought, but you know, I've made it. Things are all better now. And then when I opened the book, there's a typo on the cover of my book Actress of a Satin Age, not Today's cetanin not today.

Who judges a book by any Please?

Actually don't please, don't listen.

I grew up in Kentucky public school, so I thought this was how you spell certain, So I.

Think you're okay.

I see, I grew up in Texas where everything's fine for sure.

Sure it is. Oh my gosh.

I love how each of your chapters in your book is titled for a different actor, a different actor's memoir.

Exactly. Yeah, because I read a lot of celebrity memoirs.

Yes, you talk about it in here, and then there's a footnote at the at the bottom of the front page of the chapter that says when that actor has has met mainstream fame.

Exactly got their big break. Because I always read the celebrity ones and they don't always say exactly how old they are. Then I have to go get a calculator, look up IMDb, and then check it out and figure out how old they were, and then compared to how old I am when I'm reading the book. And spoiler alert, it was never a consoling math equation.

That was such a unique detail. What made you want to share that?

Well, when I got this opportunity to write a celebrity memoir with the really loose definition of the word celebrity. I wanted to, you know, rely on the fact that I have read all of these memoirs. And I also wanted to write it for other people who maybe committed the cardinal sin of aging past forty without realizing all of the dreams that they wanted in their life and and and have a little bit of hope in it.

I didn't. It's a pretty hack cliche.

Actually that should go in your next memoir. Yeah, I think.

That that which But it'll say compare invites to pair?

Oh, your publish Who was your publisher?

Yes, I'm going to say about love exactly. It was some girl at Starbucks and I said, Jeff, I was like, it doesn't start with an h what are you doing?

Oh my god?

I so you Your IMDb reads like a comedy sizzle reel of all time great comedies. But I think most people know you're know you from your beautiful work on Somebody Somewhere.

Thank You.

Yes, I love that show.

It is such a beautiful show. It is so funny and so heartfelt. Tell me if people haven't seen it, tell us what it's about.

Oh, you should see it.

You should see it. Yeah, leave now to see it. We'll wait here.

It's on you know Max or HBO. I don't know what HBO Max. And it's about people in Kansas who have found their family and and it's also about being queer and in the Midwest and being someone who isn't giving up on yourself, which is a lot of what the book is about too. And so yeah, it's good. It's not like rewatching Gray's Anatomy. It's not like a big commitment. It's only three seasons one season, and is less than an Avatar movie.

Yes, you'reus.

It's food for the soul. It really feels so good to watch it. It is such a joy. I loved your this is Church moment and you talk about it in your book as well. Tell us what's behind what was behind that moment in the show?

Well, that was just an improvisation I did that did make it into the final edit. I'm not branging about it, but I did do that, and it felt right because it was the scene about these friends who were hanging out and were joyful and we're finding each other. And my character is involved in the church, but it's having some weirdness with church. And he's saying, this moment is church. This moment where we're hanging out together and being together

Times are role Yeah, they are.

And you talk about growing up in the church, and you grew up Lutheran, and you have this beautiful chapter in your book that talks about when you came out to your church as a twenty two year old and you wrote this beautiful speech. It was so moving for you know, there are so many queer youth in this country that are having a hard time under attack right now.

Say to them?

Well, I would just say I'm sorry, and we got your back. And I think you know, we're in Pride month and it's a time to celebrate, but it's also a time to protest and a time to gather together and lead with compassion and hope and protection for especially the most vulnerable among us.

Yeah, that's absolutely right.

Also, have a chapter in your book, kind of author that you talk about being bullied in junior high.

Can you believe that?

Well, let me just tell you, as a perpetual volunteer, hole monitor, I see you, I see you, I am with you.

I thought you're gonna say, as a perpetual bully.

Yeah, now that's just what I became.

You you talk about you talk about how, even to this day, you were teased for how you carry your books, and even to this day you think about how you carry your books.

Right, and who even has books anymore? Although this one's good. Yeah, yeah, definitely. I used to carry them like this, and then a bully said carry your books like a girl, And so now I always carry things down here and it sticks with you for the whole life. And that's why it's important to protect those kids.

Yeah, And you talked about like what helped you get through that time?

My mom? Yeah, I had a good mom. And I actually dedicate the book to good parents because everywhere, not just my mom, because that cares about my mom, right, But I think that providing that safe space, showing your kid that they are loved no matter what, that it really is unconditional. It allows them a foundation that even when the bad things roll in, which they will inevitably do,

Thank God for good moms out there.

Seriously, thank God for good moms.

So you mentioned you have read hundreds of celebrity memoirs. So I'm wondering if you would play a little game with me. Okay, if I name a celebrity, okay, could you give me an interesting fact about their life?

Okay, okay, okay, here we go. Here we go.

Barbara streisand Yes, which I listened to forty eight hours and fifteen minutes. I listened to it all. There's a lot of good ones. She's really obsessed with food. She will talk about a ravioli that's a single ra a raviolo. But the funniest fact is one of her husbands, John, who was a hairdresser, the way that they had their meat cute. He came over to do her hair, and as they were walking up the stairs, he goes nice eares and that's how they met and fell in love.

Wow, he's a keeper.

Yeah, Denny's on great.

Okay, speaking of nice asses, Rosie Press, you.

Gotta read Rosie Present's book. But also you got to listen to that one because her metaphorical voice matches her literal voice, and it's she got do the right thing. Because she was in a dance club in Bedford Stuyvesant and there was it was two crowded, so she got up on the speaker and started dancing, and Spike Lee was like, you want to be in my movie and she's like, I guess.

Good for her.

Not surprising, not surprising, okay, brook Shields.

Brook Shields, Well, the most surprising thing is Liam Neeson proposed marriage to her.

Yes, I know, getting hold on.

Thenny was like, I gotta go to La you know, we'll come back and we'll get married, and then he never spoke to her again. To America's Sweetheart and labor Union leader Brookshields.

Brook Shields, someone ghosted brook Shields.

I know her book is great, you should read. I know I'm gonna promote mine, but.

Yeah, but also goods, also good hurt. I am so glad you were here to promote this book. It is hilarious, it's heartwarming, it is so beautifully written.

Congratulations, thank you. You know what.

You take this you hold this book however that you want, You deserve that available now ye killer everyone where do they get break bok.

So tonight? Now you're a moment recognized on the re subpeening is the gnome because a US Senator was just rose to the ground and detained in his own William to show you, no, you don't know. You're not gonna tell me to shut up.

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