Trump Blasts South Africa for “White Genocide” & Trump Merch Needs a Spell Check | Simon Pegg

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This is The Daily Show with your host Ronny Now, welcome to the Daily Show. I'm right, Shay. We got so much to talk.

About tonight, America get some dome Republicans deal with their daddy issues, and something associated with Donald Trump went wrong for the first time ever. So let's get into the headlines. Let's kick things off with President Trump's meeting with the President of South Africa today. And because it's Donald Trump, things got weird. Death death, horrible death, death. I don't know what a host death? Uh death death. Hey do you want to diet coke?

Yeah?

Death, horrible death. That's now. The reason Trump turned this White House event into a murder podcast is that Trump is convinced that there is a white genocide going on in South Africa, which of course means there is no white genocide happening in South Africa. It's not even mathematically impossible. I mean, you'll never run out of white South Africans when one of them is making five thousand kids a week. But still Trump thinks there is one, and you know

Where is fourteen kilograms and it showcases the golf courses in our country?

Yeah, you shut that up. You lost Trump at book and you you definitely lost him at kilograms. If you really want to impress Trump, you should have given him one of your golf courses. Then Trump would be like, hell, yeah, sorry, white South Africans. If that's even a real thing. Thoughts, some prayers. Let's move on from a fake international crisis to a real domestic one. If you bought any Trump merchandise, I don't want to surprise you, but it might be

It wasn't a laughing matter for the couple who paid more than six hundred dollars for the Trump branded watch.

Get your Trump watch right now, go to get Trump Watches dot com.

It's Trump Time.

Melanie Petnitt likes the style, but it's what this watch does not have that makes it stand out.

I noticed it right away.

The tea is missing. It just says are unp so it should say Trump, should say Trump. It says Trump. What a shocking story. I mean, truly, I did not expect them to be able to read. And you might be thinking, what kind of respectable horological craftsmen of luxury timepieces would allow this to happen. Well, it turns out watches might just be the side business.

New ipopping details about Donald Trump's watches, and there's a link to viagra honey.

And this is a product that is borne out of a licensing agreements with a company called The Best Watches on Earth LLC. There is another company at this business, registered at the same address, called the Best Honey on Earth. They sell mail enhancement honey, which is exactly what it sounds like. It is the product that helps men perform in the bedroom.

Wait, everyone shut up, stop laughing. That's boner honey. This changes everything. I mean, I guess this does explain why that honey I bought looks so weird, But you know Trump's gonna be bathing that like the baron in Dune. But I I just hold that those watches have like a little warning lab on them, like you do for people with not allergies. Like warning. This watch was manufactured in a plant that also processes honey. The point is when Donald Trump tells you something, you gotta be skeptical.

This morning, President Trump revealing his plans for a Golden Dome, a defense system designed to shield the US for missile attacks.

The Golden Dome will be capable of intercepting missiles even if they are launched from other.

Sides of the world, and even if they're launched from space.

The Congressional Budget Office says it could cost up to five hundred and forty two billion.

Good news everyone Congress is cutting food stands or getting a golden Dome. Yeah, if you're hungry, maybe you can try eating it. Quick question, though, where did Trump come up with Golden Dome?

The President has long praised Israel's Iron Dome, which can intercept and destroy short range rockets, missiles, and drones.

We're going to call it the Golden Dome. We had the Iron Dome, but somehow golden Dome sounds better to me. You know, it takes a special leader to look at what's going on in Israel and be like, hey, we need to copy those guys, all right, because it's skull weighing great. Second of all, I don't think missile defense shields work like frequent flyer programs. All right, hey, check it out. Our dome just earn gold status. I hope China doesn't get a plantinum dome, then they get lounge access.

A missile shield in the US will not be capable of defending all of America.

I'm a missile defense guy, but it's never gonna be possible to defend against everything, and so we are gonna have to be selective.

I'm gonna have to be selective what we're gonna do, like what just save New York and LA and what the states of good barbecue? Actually? Yeah, yeah that works. Yeah, let's go with that. The bottom line is it's in trail, will be expensive, and it doesn't work. At least we'll have a golden dome that says Trump on it off. For more on the Golden Dome and whether it's cost effective, we go live to Grace cooling spid.

Grace.

Grace's uh, let's be honest here, is the Golden Dome really worth the price?

You bet your Asian acid is, Ronnie. Thanks to our big, beautiful dome, Americans are finally safe from our enemies, which means I'm finally free to become an international roast comic. Buckle up for Ronnie and Ayatolas because roast Master Grace is I a telim You got a golf.

So well, we're spending half a trillion dollars or so we can roast our enemies.

Thanks to that metallic wonder bubble watching over us, I can finally say, hey, Chinese President Shi Jin Pink, make like your pandas do once a year again.

Boom roasted. Okay, Grace Grace, you might want to hold off on ripping our enemies.

Ronnie, We're fine. Gold doesn't melt. It's the strongest metal on earth. Speaking of who else we got on the earth?

Oh yeah, what's up with.

This ardawe guy? You're the president of Turkey. Good job being named after the worst food on Thanksgiving?

Puts up berg on that shit.

Grace, Grace.

Isn't this the problem with missile defense shields? It just encourages aggression.

Sorry, I can't hear you under my note. Give up this umbrella, hey, election, shine, lick my ass. France, take a shower, Russia? Why aren't you Russian to the shower or something?

Got 'em?

Hey, Canadian Prime Minister mrk Kearney, do you have to suck every night or you just do.

That for fun?

You boot bit?

You're sorry?

I'm not sorry? Okay, okay, Grace, Grace, come on, Ken, that's not even the enemy.

Oh my god, shut up.

I haven't even gotten into Kim John.

Un Kim John un more like Kim John UoN. Hey, Kim, you everything about a demilitarized zone between the buffet table and your mouth boom roasted.

I am immortal, Okay, Okay, Grace, you do know that the dome isn't ready yet, right, like it won't be active for a while, like like tomorrow it'll be ready.

No, I like at least three more years at best.

Oh worth it?

Oh oh jam.

Show, she's spine.

No, thank you, Grace. When we come back, oh man, we'll give.

Us his opinions. It won't go away.

He's awful.

Welcome back to a daily show. We all know I've got great opinions, but tons of I'm not the only one. Studies show that other people also have opinions. So here with another installment of in my opinion, is our good friend Charlamagne the God. Yes Yes.

One of the big mysteries of a Trump era is how so many Republicans can see everything Trump is doing and not saying anything. The blatant corruption disregarding the Constitution, that maga masturbation dance, mister President. I don't know who you've been jerking off this whole time, but if they haven't come by now, they never will. Okay, Look, the whole point of a democracy is that the president is not an all powerful figure who's always right and can

Yeah.

And that's not me just saying it's them.

There are thousands of people here. They started screaming and chanting Daddy's home and Daddy dogs.

It's like Daddy arrived and he's taking his belt off. When Dad gets home, you know what he says. You've been a bad girl.

You've been a bad little girl and you're getting a vigorous spanking right now.

Shut stop throwing stones, straightened up, suckers, Daddy's home.

What the hell? What the helly, you're fifty four years You can't be talking about needing a daddy if you have an AARP card. Okay, my god, If you got daddy issues, don't go into politics. Become a scripper like a normal person. Okay, trippy points you decide. When most maga folks say they wanted daddy, what they mean is they want somebody to protect him. And that's what Trump promises all the time.

You will once again have a protector in the White House.

I'm going to be a protector.

I will protect women at a level never seen before.

I will protect our workers, I will protect our jobs.

I will protect our borders, I will protect our families.

Yeah, Trump is protection the same way econdomists like. You see him coming and you know you're gonna get fed. But here's the thing that I don't get about making Trump your father figure. If you listen to his own family members, he sounds like he's a terrible father.

He would not really be a dead which would take them for the stroll in the Center Park in or go and play the soccer with them, or do.

Something like that.

He was always on the telephone making the business, supply the.

Funds, and don't take care of the kids.

It's not like I'm going to be walking the kids down Central Park.

Donald Trump was never keen on bequeathing his name to anybody. It was Evanna who wanted to call their newborn son Donald Junior.

You can't do that.

Trump is quoted as saying and Havana's memoir, what if he's a loser, What if Don Jor.

Is a loser? I guess those hats are true.

Trump really is right about everything, Okay, And Daddy Trump does something even worse than Insulting's children, he plays favorites among them. For instance, here's a fun Christmas story from Donald Trump Junior himself.

I got regifted all of the things that were monogrammed for him at times. So you know, there was one Christmas where he may or may not have given me the gift that I had given him the year before because I monogrammed it and it was like, oh yeah, here.

Now, I'll see if you can spot the subtle difference between giving the child he hates a regifted tie and what he gives the child he actually likes.

A great gift that my dad gave me recently is an apartment because I'm graduating.

See see, you see that.

You thought he only denied housing the black people. Turn turns out he also denied it to his son. And maybe you're thinking, come on, Trump is proud of all his kids equally.

He's not.

I'm very proud because Don and Eric and Evanka and you know, to a lesser extent because she just got out of school, out of college.

But Tiffany, that's kind of how he's.

Treating the country, isn't it.

Like the Red States are Avanka and the Blue States we're Tiffany. You see, Trump isn't just any dad. He's a particular type of dad.

The bully.

Sometimes that's great for you know, if you're having problems with another kid at school, or immigrants start the President of the Ukraine, he'll bully them for you. But the thing is a bully dad will bully his own kids too.

President and Trump has slammed Bolton is a wacko and incompetent, calling Rex Tillerson dumb as a rock and Gematis overrated.

Called Attorney General Judge Sessions mentally retarded, and a dumb Southerner, called an morosa, a low life and a dog John Kelly Are He's one of the dumbest people I've ever met.

For stupid generals like Millie who's a stupid person.

A person known as Nikki Birdbread Haley bird Bread.

Look, man, if you hate your kid that much, at least have the decency to go out with cigarettes and never come back.

Okay, it's okay, we won't miss you.

And when you have an emotionally unavailable dad, you're constantly having to bake for his love. Then you get stuff like this.

Your entire life, you have stood for doing things that other people thought they couldn't do.

He is the most important, the smartest, the most capable leader in the world.

The greatest negotiator, the greatest deal maker, the greatest diplomat, and the greatest peacemaker. Every day is like waking up to Christmas.

President, your first one hundred days has far exceeded that of any other presidency in this country ever, ever, never seen anything like it.

Thank you, Yes, you're damn right. We've never seen Dick riding like this. Okay, all right, this is unprecedented lazing, all right, our at least is weird to talk about a president this way, but an emotionally abusive father, and it's very normal.

Some of you know the drill.

You stay on daddy's good side because you know when he has a bad day, he's putting belt to ask. All right, But Republicans, the paraphrase the immortal Mariy Povich, he is not your father.

Okay, all right.

If you see him stepping out of line, accepting bribes from foreign countries and violating the Constitution, call it out. Because the truth is America doesn't need a daddy. It needs to grow up and not be a damn child itself. But that's just my opinion.

Oh, I mean to god, everybody when we come back, so I don't tell what we join you on the shows.

That's that's welcome back to the Daily Show.

My guest tonight is a screenwriter, comedian, an actor who stars in the film Mission Impossible, The Final Reckoning. Oh my God, please welcome mister Simon Pegg.

I love you. I'm wonderful. I love you that you start mind. You're great. I am very touch in a good way.

Yeah, thanks for coming on the show.

My pleasure.

What's tough for making the movie or doing the press afterwards?

Man, you're you've been on the press store for four months.

Yeah, I know, I don't know what day.

I really don't know. All over the world right Yeah.

We started in Tokyo, soul Can, London here and this is my last engagement.

What a way to end the tour. Thanks for comedy, Yeah, my pleasures.

I want to talk about one thing though, maybe the only thing we might have in common is, uh, you used to do the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. I did back in the day, live performer, stand up comedy in these bars I did. I used to do the Edinburgh Festival to do, Yeah, we were just I was at the Underbelly?

Did you have that? Flyers all day long.

Hand out begging people come into your show and then maybe three people will calm and you're in this in this makeshift cave with like mold and espectos and you're doing calm. There are three people, and then you you go watch other people's shows and you drink all night and wake up next day and you do all again like a month.

It's like a mon an amazing, amazing festival.

What's hard at that firstival? Mission? Impassable? Do you remember the mission I do?

I did? I did Edinburgh ninety five and I had a little little show.

I had my goldfish with me and he was called Rover, and I would perform poetry on behalf of my goldfish, Rover who who was a Marxist, and I actually would take the real fish with me. It took me like a year to realize I could just put a carrot in there and no one would know, you know, but yeah it was great. And then as a result of that, I got a tour of Australia and you know, it opens a lot of doors.

Edinburgh, A lot of people are there.

Right and then you go from that Edinburgh, which I was also, But my point is like you're with your goldfish in this small little room, in this closet, and then you're in mission impassible.

Yeah, I mean it was a little you know, I mean along the way. Yeah, I did some. I did stand up. I always wanted to be an actor.

I did a stand up coming out of university because it was a way to perform. I loved comedy and I didn't have an agent, so I you know, standard was a great way to be the master of my own.

Sure, not waiting for the phone to ring.

Then and then through stand up I got into sort of sketch comedy. And then I wrote a sitcom with my friend Jessica, which Edgar Wright directed, called Space, and then Seanna the Dead happened, and then.

The great Edgar right, Yeah, the great Three Flavors Corneto trilogy, starting with Sean of the Dead, which was a kind of I think landmark independent comedy. I mean was it independent?

I mean very yeah. I mean we shot that script around. We decided we had a little moment in Space where I was fighting zombies and go and I were like, hey, we should make a zombie movie.

I mean, we were so naive, you know, we thought, yeah, let's just do that now.

And we and we wrote the script and we took it around and it took a long time for someone to actually take a risk, and eventually working title whose parent company was Universal, they sort of stepped in and we got it made.

Yeah, and that was I mean quite a label of love absolutely.

I mean, my god, I you know, I was such a fan of George Romero growing up. The best moment was when George Romero, who is the godfather of the modern zombie film, watched Sean of the Dead in a cinema in Florida guarded by a Universal security guard like he was going to steal our movie, when the whole movie was just us stealing his way. And he called us afterwards and it was like speaking to dad, you know, it was incredible.

Let's go. And I mean, you know, that's such such a triumph of independent comedy filmmaking. And you know, we look at one in twenty twenty five right now, and we kind of look back on films with a lot of nostalgia, sometimes roast into glasses. I mean, do you feel that was a moment in time. Is that replicatable or we.

It's difficult because back then, in two thousand and four, we still went at the point we are now when there are so many different ways to watch movies, like now we all have you know that right aspect ratio for movies, and our houses are t are all you know, the right size, they're big, they're not that expensive.

We have all the streamers.

The pandemic taught us that you can stay home and watch movies, and that was a terrible lesson to learn, because you know, what's better than watching a movie with a whole group in this time, at the moment when we're all at each other's throats.

A movie theater is a place where you can all.

Go and you can have a huge kind of political kind of gulf between everyone in there, and yet you will all experience the same emotions and you will share them and it brings people together.

You know it's important.

It does. And I will say, no one hear they do not. They disagree, but I will say the one thing about that is completely true. And all it takes is one really cool film to get people out again, and then you remember what it's like exactly. I forgot for a while and time when I go watch a film again, I was say, oh, yeah, this is great. This is a one way that they're watching it on

Movie.

Yeah, so I don't know what we can say about it.

Tom Cruise has a sniper on me twenty four to seven in case I spoiled the.

Movie, I mean I can. I guess I'll keep talking until someone drags me away, I guess. But I mean the movie. Is this current mission possible? The Final Reckoning Part two? I guess, yeah, right, and it is. I mean, there's so many callbacks. It ties into all the movies.

Yeah.

Chris mcquarie has the director did a really good job of sort of like gathering the all eight movies and kind of like making this one the culmination of all of them. You know, so every choice Ethan hunt has made through all the years leads to this. My first scene in Mission Impossible three, which I filmed twenty years ago.

This year, I extole the myth.

Of this thing called the Rabbit's Foot, and mcke you know, very artfully managed to pull all that into it, you know, and it makes the whole thing feel very contained, and you know, it feels like an end.

I mean, it calls back to even the first Mission Passes.

Which is pretty interesting.

Knife can we even say you say that because the trailer anything in the trailer, I don't know.

Yeah, yeah, but yeah, it calls like the first line,

These two movies we were supposed to finish sooner, but the and of course we had the pandemic, and then we had the writers strike and we were sort of you know, we were we were it was a mission impossible, if you will, to get these films made. But yeah, the the eye of the storm is always the same. It's it's you, it's the actors, it's the camera crew, it's the sort of camera adjacent departments, and it always

How the what?

Yeah, he's like zero gravity in between two.

It looks like he's you know, that's him.

He just will risk his life for I shan't risk my life for anything other than my daughter.

I know, he really does risk it. And there's also something with Tom Cruise films lately. I think that where he's really brought this like analogue. I don't know, can you describe what that? You know that love of movie making is that he gets this look on this feel.

I think it's because we've entered a fantastic age with digital you know, cgi that kind of thing, and we can create any environment, any planet, and we see that in all sorts of movies, and it's wonderful and it's a great tool. But there is no substitute for seeing the actor playing the part doing the crazy stuff, because that way, the character never disappears, like when you when you hand over to a stunt professional, it's about the stunt and the.

Character sort of disappears a little bit. But you can see.

There's a bit when he's trying to get into the back cockpit of this plane and the wind hits him.

They just fills his head with air.

It's the most unflattering picture of Tom Cruise you will ever see.

He just got right. But he does that. But he also stays in character, which is crazy because he's hanging off a plane.

In Dead Reckoning.

There's a bit when I'm in the car as I usual, I'm always just telling him what to do.

He jumps up the.

Cliff on a motorbike and he's base jumping as free falling, and I say, are you on the train yet and he says, I'm trying to get away from this mountain, and he delivers a joke infreeball, you know, with comedytarming.

Yeah, it's very impressive.

It is very cool. The movie is very cool. Thank you so much for making the movie. Thank you for everything you've done the day. Thank you, thank you, thank you for showing your talent with the world.

I mean, everybody, this year possible. A final recording will.

Be in theaters and Imax on May twenty third.

It's I intact, everybody. We'll be a thirst clock break.

We'll be right back after this.

Thanks for thinking of the skit.

I don't think.

Nay, that's a show for tonight now here. It is your moment of.

Ben We need an air Force one until our sets.

Air Force one.

It's being built, two of them being built, but Boeing's a little bit later.

Fortunately, I'm sorry. I don't have a plane to give you. I wish you did. I take you. I would take it.

If your country offered the United States Air Force APPLAN, I would take it.

Okay.

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