Trevor On Growing Up in South Africa - Between the Scenes

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So we're watching this story about the Toy Hall of Fame, which is in Rochester, and we're seeing like all the toys that are being inducted, and so everyone in the office starts talking about their favorite toys growing up. Right, So some people are like, oh, yeah, no, for me, it was shoots and ladders, and for me it was the sled, and for me it was this was that. And then the people like, what was your favorite favorite

But it wasn't like a sad thing like oh I don't have toys. We just like, we play with whatever we find.

And so the most popular thing little boys would play it was bricks, and you're brick was you play with it like a toy car, so you'd like walk around the neighborhood searching for the best brick. Right, because the game you would play, we didn't put wheels on anything, like someone asked me, then, officer, because you put wheels on it.

No, there's no wheels. We're gonna find wheels. If we wheels, we wouldn't have these problems. So we just took bricks.

So you would find bricks and then the game you'd play is you'd like drive around in the dirt with your brick car and then you would smash into the other boys bricks and then if your brick was the last brick.

Standing, you won the game. So like all of us, it was like a mission.

You're like, man, I gotta find bricks. Like you just like walk around the whole day, just like searching for bricks. And there's just one brick that we had called the face brick, right. It was basically like a really beautiful brick that you can you know, bricks that you don't plaster over. You just have that at the face of your house. That's what we call the face brick, right, And so that was like the dream brick. It was the most expensive brick though, like you couldn't.

You could find everyone.

With like the gray bricks and like the like the dark black bricks and like all those but those bricks breke.

You come with a face brick, someone would like everyone would see you, like you'd pitch up. You'd be like a pimp rolling up in a Rolls Royce fantom, like Jen you.

I remember like one day I found the face brick and like you, I.

Got there with like old other kids are like meme, move meme.

I'm like got there like all swagged and then like oh, Trevor, are you playing?

Are you playing? And then I was like yeah, I'll pull my brick out from behind my back.

And they're like, oh, face break, face break, and then it's like yeah, yeah, it's been a face brick, face brick, and it's like let's go. And then you drive and then like everyone rams in and I'll be like you guys ram me first.

I'll I'll just chill and I'm gonna tries to ram your brick.

Because the face brick it's like compact, it doesn't crack, and like everyone's bricks cracking. Half people are devastated, like you see like kids smash their break and the brick cracks dead in the middle, like ah, brief in that side. Miss, It's like a big thing, and then you like play and you take the brick. And it was such a popular thing that you had to be careful if you lived in the townships because kids would steal bricks from

And then like the next day you would come there and you'd be like, where the fuck are my bricks, and like all the bricks.

Were gone, and then it's just like kids driving around like.

It's like, oh, those are my bricks. I don't know what you're talking about. Man, this is my favorite toy. This makes you really like you just you can just have fun with anything.

Man.

I was like, that's genuinely my favorite.

Even now, when I see bricks, I get, like I said, I'm such a friend. That's the one thing I don't like about living in New York. You don't see bricks often, like like just loose bricks hanging around.

You take that for granted. I woke around. I'm like, man, no bricks, no bricks, SnO bricks, no bricks.

And if I see a brick, there's a thing in me still till this day that wants to.

Take the brick, and I have to stop myself being like, you're the host of the Daily Show.

You can buy all the bricks you want, and it's like, yeah, but take that brick, Trevor, come on, you know you want to and always think it.

Man, if TMZ caught me.

On camera and it's like Trevor Noah spotted stealing a brick, and then I'd.

Be trying to explain it. No, it's a car.

No it's not is Trevor no on drugs, no weights, it's so strong.

What were you doing, Trevor. That's what's you guys.

You should let down from bull the wall and then just bring like all the South African kids overnight.

I was just like stake.

So in my grandmother's house, we didn't have a tap in the house. We had one tap shared amongst four houses, and that seemed like cool compared to my cousins because in the villagers they had one.

Tap, which is like a mile away.

So I'd go to my cousins visit them for the for the holidays, and then I would like my cousin would wake me up at like five am. I'll be like, do what are you doing. He's like, we gotta go get water, and I'm like what. And then you get the wheelbarrow and then you go. And it's fun when you're on the way there because you're like, this is fun. You got your wheelbarrow and your rolling and then you fill them. You forget that you have to fill them up with water.

These giant, giant, giant drums of water. And then you bring them back and you're like fuck. Like the whole time, you're just like, I don't need water. I don't need water.

I don't like one day, I too, because my cousin was shredded, like just because of that.

Every single day was him just lifting a barrel.

It's like four hundred pounds on a wheelbarrow, just pushing that every single day.

And then one day I remember, I was like I can do this, and I took it and then I was like whoa and then all the water gone, just like all of it.

Yeah, And then I was like, well, well you shouldn't have let me take the wheelbarrow.

I just pulled the bend cast and I was like, that was your bad.

Did I know my life would turn out like this since I was a kid, Yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember when I was like four years old and then there was like this little kid who like pushed me to the ground. And then I was like, one day I'm gonna be host of the Daily Show. No, I get what you're saying, and I'm joking. Obviously I'm in facetious. No, I had no clue, nor did I wish for that. I'll be honest with you, like I was. I still joke with my mom about that till this day.

I go.

I did not know where life would take me or how life would end up. All I knew is that I wanted to be able to afford to buy as much food as I wanted to buy, like at any time, that was like the big thing in my life because like when you don't have money in a family, like the food decision is the biggest decision you can make. So like, let me put it this way, we would go out for like takeout maybe once a month if

Do you want a burger? Oh, do you want pizza all? And I was just like, ah, don't mess zob, don't mess de zab.

It was such a big decision. And I remember one day I said to my mom. I was like, one day I'm gonna be rich enough to buy two. And then my mom could have been like shut up, kid, but she was like, yeah, you will be rich enough.

Yeah.

And I was like, and I'll buy dessert. She's like, you go buy all the dessert, all of the dessert. And so then now my mom was like, do you did you buy the dessert? Did and it's your point of my time? And she like, looks like you bought the dessert in Africa. Like so, my mom she would let me watch like a sex scene in a movie. She would be like, I don't care about that, but if kids were playing with food, she'd make me.

Turn the movie off.

So whenever, So then whenever it was like I used to watch those high school movies, those American movies, and then you know, there'd always be a food fights in the cafeteria.

Then Mama would be like, turn it off, turn it off. And then I'll be like, what do you mean. She's like, why they're wasting food. Then I was like it's a movie. She's like, but it's real food. It's real food, it's real food. How can you.

Waste food like that? And then I was like like, look, it's like my mom was going, you know you like parents would go their children stopping. My mom was like, we are stopping in Africa, We're stopping.

Why they're wasting food.

The first time I remember hearing a joke as a child was actually I was with my grandfather and we were at a protest in the streets.

In South Africa. And I don't know what the protest was for.

I'm assuming it was anti apartheids or whatever, but I was very young and I was with my grandfather walking marching through the streets and a policeman came by on a horse and like policemen on horses is like you like, no one is comfortable, do you know what I mean?

Like just generally as black people.

Were never like, hey, hey, he's going to do the thing. No, you're terrified at least me on the horse. And and this guy was like trying to move the crowd.

Along, moved and he's like, move, move, bloody hell, move move. And he got to my grandfather and then my grandfather turned to and the guy looked. He's like, hey, why an't you moving? And my grandfather turned to him and he said, he said.

Muster, Muster, can I ask you a question?

And this guy was like what what? What did you say? He said, can I ask you a question? Master? And he was like and then he asked him a question.

And to give you the context, that weekend, the previous weekend, the there was an hour version of the Kentucky Derby took place, and then the winning horse was celebrated and the president went and gave a kiss to the to the horse that won, I kissed and it was like on the front page of the newspaper, the president kissing the horse. And so then so that's the context. So my grandfather turns to the company.

He's like, can I ask you a question? And the company's like what what do you want?

And he says, muster, why is it that your president can kiss a horse but he won't.

Kiss my sister? And like you could see, the cop was just like he was like what and he's like what, I don't.

Know, and I was like, And then my grandfather turned to me and he's like, because you haven't seen my sister e And I'll never forget the policeman's face, like he burst into tears laugh because he.

Was like, well, and then he just started laughing at my grandfather's laughing.

And I'd never seen two things. I had never seen like a policeman laughing.

With black people ever before.

It was my first time seeing that, and it was just my first time seeing like how a joke could diffuse tension, how you know what I mean? And then I just remember growing up. I was like, oh, I want to do that thing. I want to yeah, I want to.

Do that thing.

More diapers. I hate changing diapers. I don't have kids, well, I just hate changing diapers. Actually younger brothers, so I changed their diapers when I was growing up. And then at some point with my youngest brother twenty years younger than me, I was just like, you just you're gonna keep shitting, so just don't wear pants. And I was like, it's easier to poop a scoop this person than it is like. So then my little brother would just come I teach him.

The thing was he just come running up to me, and then he'd be like Trevor, pooh pooh.

And then I'd be like all right, and then we just run outside and then i'd make him shit in the garden like I would.

I would like fold him.

I would hold his legs and his body and then like I would hold him like this, and then he'd like he'd like a little turtle in my hands.

And then i would hold him.

And then he would ship and then he'd be like dojoos, do doos, and I'll be like finished.

Then he's like dojoos. Then I'm like, all right, cool man. I'll shake him a little bit and then I'll take him. Yeah, and then I'll take him.

And instand and the and then i would spray him down with a hose pipe so take him.

And he loved it. He wasn't.

He was like, this is the greatest experience ever. And then I'd be like, just don't tell mom what we're doing. And then he'd always tell mom.

You know, it's be like a mommy. Trevor sprayed me with.

Those vibe Then I'm like, Jesus, kid, you're killing me here.

He would love it.

It was like a fun and then I remember like one of the funniest things, like like a year or something later, we're sitting together watching TV and we're watching footage of police spraying people with like a like like protesters.

With the water hoss. And then he looks at me like I did they do do?

Like like no, no.

So in my family, my two younger brothers are so from my mother's second marriage, and so I'm still the only person in my family looks like this. So my mom is African woman, black passa woman. My father's Swiss from Switzerland, so he was a white man, and so.

I look like this. And then my mom remarried a black man.

So my brothers don't look like me either, right, And I remember what was really beautiful was my brothers. We always spoke about this stuff. So my parents they were like yeah, different dads, we get how this works. So my brother one day, I pick him up from school. Right, he's like he's really young at the times, maybe like try I think it was the nineties, maybe ten years old, and he gets in the car and he's like just deflated. He gets in the has your seat and he fastens

So I go, kids, tell me more. And then he's like, I just I just don't know what to do with kids, Trevor.

You know, like today one of my friends said, oh, are we walking home? Then I said, no, my brother's picking me up. Then he said, ah, who's your brother?

Then I said, Trevor.

Then now when we're walking, he sees you in the cart.

Then he says who's that? Then I say it's my brother.

Then he says, ah, but how can your brother? How can your brother be white? Then I said he's not white, he's not white, he's mixed. Then he said, but you're not mixed. You don't look the same. How can your brother not look the same. Then so now I'm like, oh, man, I'm gonna have to like go through this. So then I'm like, so, so, what did you say to him? He's like, oh, Trevor, like.

I'd have to explain it the way kids understand, he said.

I just said to him, I said, Zueally, you gotta understand like people are like chocolates, okay, like like you can have like a white chocolate, and you can have a dut chocolate and you can.

Have a milk chocolate, but it's all nestle.

Okay, any questions, O, You're good?

Okay, yeah, house, Oh how's Foofy?

Wow? That's a deep cut man. You can just ask me that, like just random.

You gotta be like, hey, Trevor, so I read in your book and you can just be like, how's foofy?

Because my mind knew who the hell no, because because Foofye died, so for those of them.

So I had a I had a dog when I was growing up, like one of the dogs we had.

We my mom was working.

At a at a pharmaceutical company and her colleague came came to work one there was like, hey, my neighbour's dog.

Impregnated my dogs.

And I have all these puppies that don't want and they're like this weird mix of like a bull terrier and a Maltese poodle.

So do you want to take them? And them was like, all right, I'll take two.

And then my mom brought them home and I'd never had a dog before, and I was like, this is the most amazing thing in the world. And so we raised them and it was two beautiful dogs. They looked completely different, but they were sisters. They were the best Foofie and Panther, and my mom called the one panther because she had a pink nose or the pink panther and then uh, and Fufi was like the dumbest, most beautiful dog ever and Panther was the smartest, ugliest dog

And then one day what happened was.

Like at our house, somebody was trying to like come into the house like a family friend, and they were trying to open the gate and then they moved the gate and then the gate fell and then Panther.

Ran away because they liked to sleep by the gate.

And then Panther ran but then Fofie didn't, and then the gate hit her and then like it broke her spine.

It was devastating.

So then we went to the vet and then like the vet was like I can't help her, you know, we got to put it down, put out of a misery.

And it was like but this was amazing. How were you guys? Like, how did you guys raise a deaf dog? And we were like what and he was like, we're like what do you mean a deaf dog? And he was like oh.

Like afterwards, like I just when I was just going through examining her or she's still like living, I realized that that she wasn't born with I guess a certain part of the cocklear or something is We're like, wait, this dog was deaf the whole time, and we just genuinely I literally just be like, foofee, set listen to me, sick Foofee.

I was like, you're so dumb, You're so dumb.

And I never knew that the dog.

And then we realized what used to happen was when we'd call the dogs, we'd be like foofee panther and Foofee would never come, but Panther would come running sometimes and then she'd like look at you, and then she'd run back, and then they would both come.

And I always used to be like, Foofee's just.

Dumb, And then I realized Panther was like, ah, she didn't hear, and then she'd go back and fetch her and then she would then both of them would come and then like now I went back and was like.

I missed you with me. So that's how Foofe's doing. She's yeah, what happened to Teddy?

From my book What's Funny is randomly, one day I was I was driving to a car dealership. I had bought an Audi and I went to the car dealership because I needed them to help me with something, and they said, we will.

We'll call our top.

Mechanic and just give you a bit of a backstory. Teddy was my best friend in primary school and him and I used to.

Go shoplifting together.

And then one day like we were like busted shoplifting and then we ran away and then they caught Teddy, but then they didn't catch me, And then they got they had security footage of what happened, and they went to all the schools in the area looking for who was shoplifting with Teddy, and then they didn't know it was me because the security camera was black and white.

It was like the old school black and white cameras.

And so they were like, we're looking for a white kid because on the camera it just in black and white. It chose the camera shows white. So then at the school they me. They were like, Trevor coming here. They're like, you're friends with Teddy.

I was like, uh.

Huh, and they're like, well, Teddy was court shoplifting.

I was like, uh huh. They're like there was someone with him. I was like, uh huh. They're like it was a white kid. Who was he. I was like ah. And then they just never caught me.

And then Teddy never snitched or anything, and I'm like, and then but he got expelled from the school, and then I thought like he went to jail or something. So and I never I never knew why he ended up in life. Ten years later maybe even more, I was, yeah, I had an Audi. Drove to an Audi dealership because they wanted to help me with something. And I pulled in and I said, can you help me? They said, oh, this is complicated. Let's call out a top technician mechanic.

And I was like, Tedy, Teddy, Teddy, and I yeah, so.

That's what happened to Teddy. All right, let's do this.

I was there and He was just like, what are you crying about there? I was like, dude, we're stealing chocolate bars. Why would you be thinking? Why do you think I go to another uented day by life?

It's funny.

In South Africa, we have a saying and you must remember because of so many of the struggle leaders in South Africa were either imprisoned or exiled. The movement in South Africa was held together in large part by women in the country. And so it's weird for me because I understand, you travel the world, you understand that everywhere feminism is different and the idea of women is different.

This is true.

You read up on, you read up on Winni Mandela, like Nelson Mandela was an icon. But the police in the country were afraid of Winni Mandela, you know they were. And we had a phrase in South Africa that was we still use it today, which was what tintabafazi, what tintimbo walko, which means you strike a woman, you strike a rock. And that's what I grew up learning that's a It was kudo of na, it was fire, was fire.

And a lot of the time my mom would strike me with a rock.

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