TikTok Shutdown Looms, Israel - Hamas Ceasefire Agreement, and Trump-Style Lawyers | ALOK

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From the most trusted journalists at Comedy Central. Gun It's America's only sorts for news. This is The Daily Show with your host Jordan Clever.

Welcome to The Daily Show, Jordan Coverer. We got so much to talk about tonight. Joe Biden gets a win, Jack Smith drops his receipts, and Americans are on the brink of losing their favorite way to waste time on the toilet. So let's get into headlines. Let's kick things off with the big news of the day.

The long last I can announce a ceasefire no HOSTI Jill has been reached between Israel Hana mass huzzah.

Whoa yeah, what a historic moment. Joe Biden articulately got through a sentence and also a ceasefire. And the time he couldn't be better for Biden. There's still time for him to win Michigan. So now we're in the early stages of figuring out what this means, and we'll be following it closely. But for now, let's talk about another crisis just as serious as what's happening in the Middle East. I'm talking about TikTok heyk, the reason your thumb is

First.

A story that is on a lot of people's minds this morning, the looming shutdown of TikTok here in the US.

Yeah, a federal ban on this popular Chinese owned app is set to take effect on Sunday.

The argument from the US government is that TikTok presents a national secus already risk, and that the Chinese own company is stealing user data.

Y'all, we are so indescribably cooked. I know.

The government's argument is, all, we want to protect your data.

Do you let the data?

Bitch?

The United States has done a lot of stupid things. This has to be number one.

That's the number one worst thing. I mean, we did slavery in America. I mean, let's at least call it a tie, shall we. TikTok users are upset about this, but there's there's not much they can do. Congress passed to bill, the President signed it, and the Supreme Court seems ready to rule that the ban is constitutional, which I don't think we can be surprised by because this is not exactly TikTok's core demographic. I mean, they're more of a Walgreens app type of crowd. They're old and sickly,

New names are surfacing as potential buyers for the platform, including Elon Musk.

Mister Beast has joined the bid to buy TikTok.

Former Treasury Secretary Steve Menushan previously launched an effort to buy it, and Shark Tanks star Kevin O'Leary says he and other investors are also making a play.

Yes, there's still a chance TikTok could be sold to one of America's many rich weirdos. Apparently Lex Luthor wasn't available, so this is the best America has to offer. I mean, I actually heard myself say, man, I hope that TikTok goes to someone saying like mister beasts. I mean, can't there be one cool potential buyer, Shaquille O'Neil. I'm talking to you, stop buying so many Papa John's franchises and

Now, I have a warm spot in my heart for TikTok because I won youth by thirty four points, and there are those that say that TikTok has something to.

Do with it.

I was on TikTok for the election and I won the young people by thirty six points.

I'm not opposed to TikTok, that's right. TikTok helped Trump, so now TikTok is good. And by the way, if you're wondering whether Trump won the youth vote by thirty four points or thirty six points. The answer is he lost the youth vote by eleven points. So slight to sir, slight discrepanty, iagas basically the same thing. All this is up in the air, but TikTok users are not waiting around to find out how this is going to play out.

Idfear a TikTok band could take effect later this week. Some Americans flocking to Chinese apps like red Note.

I'm a TikTok Refugee.

And Lemon eight. Both apps have similarities to TikTok, and Lemon eight shares a parent company, byte Edance.

Red Note is owned and operated by the Chinese Communist Party, and users must agree to adhere to the Chinese constitution, practice socialist values, and promote the traditional culture of China.

Yeah, good job US government and told Americas they couldn't see China anymore, and now they're running off to Vegas with it. I mean, this has got to be so frustrating for she just spent a whole election fighting accusations that she's a socialist, and now every American is like, I would literally pledge to be a Chinese socialist for a good TikTok replacement. The question is why would Americans

One thing that I've noticed since beinging on Red Note for like the last two days is how much more advanced the Chinese culture is than what I had in my brain.

Most of these Chinese people, if they look so much less traumatized than most Americans, I am no longer convinced that we are living in a first world country. While lurking on Red Note, I found out about this car. We can't sell this car because it's Chinese.

Look how cute it is.

They sell in pink. It's like fifteen thousand dollars, which is affordable.

I made a new bestie.

She ended up going to the market and sent me a picture of her local market. Corn on the cob ninety four cents? What would it be here in America?

You might ask?

Seven dollars?

Is this what they don't want us to know? That's not a good sign for America. I was made to think of communist dictator was bad. But check out these corn prices, Daddy like, come on America, fight back. If Chinese people show you their cheap corn, you show them are robust, free press, okay, okay? Or you show them are fair and impartial justice not that okay? Daved Busters show them are Dave and Busters. Hell yeah? In your COMMI fasis for more and all the TikTok alternatives. Let's

Jordan? Those apps are as useless as Grinder. None of the dudes I met on Grinder even knew how to grind, pesto at all great sex. Though, luckily I found a new TikTok alternative. It's called syop and it's the best app yet.

But the app is called psyop is in psychological operation.

What No?

Why do people keep asking that it's just a great app that my camp counselors here have assured me is all for fun?

I'm wait, what is that about a camp?

Well, the app is a bit complicated and there is a learning curve, of course, so I had to educate myself, which is why I'm here at the syop re education camp for a few weeks to learn the user interface and the brilliant philosophies of chairman Mao Cossa.

Cosa, you're clearly being groomed into a spy.

You know.

They told me the haters would say that, But Jordan's don't be such a wang badang. They're just showing me how to use the app, and they're teaching me English.

You already speak English.

Now it turns out there's tons of words I didn't know, strych nine, ricin, hydrogen cyanide. And this is all helping me to become a better influencer so I can make funny dances and take down the electrical grid.

Take down the electrical grid.

I didn't say take down the electrical grid. The point is forget TikTok. Everybody needs to get on Psyop now. I mean it has the best features. It's easy to upload, and you can record any time. Because the mic never shuts off, it keeps track of your location data and all the conversations you've had with elected officials.

It's very convenient if you're a.

Busy dad like me who's swamped with soccer practice and taking down the electrical grid.

Content.

Buddy, you've lost your mind.

On the contrary, corrupt capitalist swine. I haven't lost my mind. I've gained tons of followers. Commandment ping first Lieutenant Yoo, Katie Perry, hold.

On, I just got to block her.

Hold on. Michael, Michael, don't you want a social media platform that isn't stripping you of all your personal information and influencing you into carrying out the agenda of authoritarian rulers.

You're right, I guess I'll get back on X and Facebook and Instagram.

You know what, Never mind, tell me more about this app, dude.

You gotta get on Jordan. We can be friends, Ben Shizzy, Jong gau Sezi?

What is that?

Is that Mandarin? What does that mean?

I don't know, but the voice in my head keeps yelling at.

Okay, yeah, Michael Kassa, everybody, when we come back over, Donald Trump to justice, don't go away, Welcome back to the Daily Show. Donald Trump becomes president on Monday, but that hasn't stopped Jack Smith, the special prosecutor and son of Kevin McAllister's scary neighbor. Now yesterday he released this his special report on Trump trying to overturn the results of the twenty twenty election, and it's very damning.

Special counsel Jack Smith, in a new report, is calling out President Trump and Blutley, stating he brought the case because he believed he would have gotten a conviction.

Smith writes, quote, when it became clear mister Trump had lost the election and that lawful means of challenging the election results had failed, he resorted to a series of criminal efforts to retain power.

Suggesting that Trump's actions warranted prosecution, saying that no quote man in this country is so high that he is above the law.

Oh that's right, you hear that, mister Trump. No man, I mean, no man is above the law.

Jack Smith resigned Friday night and there will be no prosecution.

All right, one man is above the law. But that doesn't mean this report is useless. No, we can. We can frame it, and we can put it on our wall. We could pretend it had meaningful results like we do with our liberal arts degrees. And his democracy wildly unstable. Sure you know what isn't a wobbly table after I jam this report under one of its short legs. But it seems like Trump's election has allowed him to avoid

Are you in legal trouble?

Are you facing life in the slammer?

Is your lawyer trying to win your case in court?

Then ditch that loser and called James and Carino. We'll keep you out of prison a better way by getting you elected president of the United States.

Here's how it works. Step one, we gather evidence.

Step two, you.

Tossed that shit in the trash and didn't you want to play in Michigan.

We'll get you.

Lawn signs, campaign rallies, national TV ads of you hugging your family.

Don't have a family.

We'll get you one, and while you run for president, we'll use your campaign to delay your trial.

You're on.

My client is preparing for a national debate. He does not have time for this parking ticket. This case is for murder, murder ticket whatever. He's busy.

And if somehow you aren't elected president, we'll just get you pardoned by the president.

He's a former client, So.

Stop trying to beat the law and start putting yourself above it.

Counselor, your client is clearly guilty.

Well well, well, looks like we just won Pennsylvania. Be free to go. Oh one eight hundred b press today.

We'll get you out of the Big House and into the White House.

We come back a look, we'll be joining me on the show. Don't go away. Welcome back to the Daily Show. My guest tonight is a comedian, actor, and poet whose new comedy special is called Biology. Please welcome Elok. Well, first of all, congratulations on your first comedy special. How does it feel?

You know?

It feels quite funny, does it. I just look at myself and I'm like, yeah, yeah, you did it. It also feels kind of traumatizing because I have a yellow tongue in it from taking cough drops before.

Oh I thought that was a creative choice.

You know, No, I am a person of color, but I tend to go that.

It's not that color. It feels like a vulnerable choice to show that you carry sickness into performance and you let us see that part of you.

Well, actually I was sick right before taping this. Uh huh, And so I texted all my friends, like, what do you do when you're sick and you have to be on live television? Maybe you'll be one of those people I text in the future, and everyone said like, go get an infusion. Really, I just went to go get an infusion, and they're like, what do you want to

Yeah, and then and you perform with that kind of confidence and privilege. It's very nice.

Okay, science matters.

I wanted this, You didn't. You didn't necessarily come from a comedy background. Is that fair to say that?

That just asked me where I came from?

Oh? Boy?

In this political climate.

I know.

I'm sorry.

You can ask me what my genitals next.

Well, that was the fourth I was gonna warm up to the genitals. I always like to end with a good classic genitals question. You know everybody likes that.

That was just me kidding with you.

I just know that your community is so worried about getting it wrong and potentially getting canceled.

Yes, we're just trying to be allies.

I can't imagine how difficult that must feel for you.

Do you understand the difficulty I'm having right now just trying to walk the roan. Thank you very much.

You dis comfort its valet. Huh, we're just afraid of being murdered. It's not the same, and I don't want to say that it's not the same.

You don't think I'm afraid of being murdered. I go to Trump rallies every other weekend. Come on, I would I find really refreshing and interesting about this, specially you deal with big issues. Yeah, but you also you have a quote it here you said transphobia is merely a distraction from our shared humanity. Yeah, we should be talking

That's true, and we've created an entire society that pretends that that's not the case, which is just ridiculous. So people keep on thinking that if they imbibe the but the blood of their like eighteen year old son, that's gonna stave off death, or like find the next cryptocurrency or something.

But you're gonna die, you know.

Actually, the real biological truth in our society is our mortality. And so when people say we're racing biology or racing biology, I'm like, mmm, okay, maybe, but just your point of the wrong thing.

Yeah.

And so from the perspective of death, I believe that all living is just stand up comedy, because that's kind of looking at us being like, oh my god, that's so funny and so cute that you think that, like that new shoe is going to prevent you from dying.

Yeah, silly little bitch.

And so I kind of wanted to make a show that was basically about having to reckon with the fact that we waste so much of our time with absurd antics like hating other people judging other people when at the end of the day, we're all human, which means we're going to die. If we remember that, then we have the potential for profound empathy because we're all in this together.

Yeah, I love that.

I love that.

It's there's something unified about that absurdism. Like if I were to make a pretentious reference, Albert Camu would talk about imagining Sisyphus happy that it's an absurd life that we leave. Can you just give give me my space? Will you give me my space? Sorry? Would say, imagine Sisypus happy as he pushes this rock up because all of existence is inherently meaningless, and so reckon with that and then connect with your neighbors.

I identify as a pretentious piece of shit.

So you are speaking my love language right now.

I'm like Camui the goat.

I want to quote you back at yourself, and I want you to talk about this too. You also say humorlessness is what loses any campaign for social change. Talk to me about that.

What's really frustrating is most people think that trans people are just snowflakes, humorless, hyper sensitive. But if you spend a couple of centuries surviving attempt at eradication. You get kind of bored with being depressed. It's just a major buzzkill.

You know.

So then you do a lot of time on your hand to do something else, and so you just start like cracking jokes or whatever to survive. And then you begin to realize, actually, maybe part of the oppression is keeping you miserable, because whenever you're in a space that's comedic, that's a space of possibility and expansion. And so what I started to realize in my own life was there are powers that be that want me to hate myself and to be sad, but it's profoundly rebellious when you're

Dainfully employ it.

And you see, there's no secret a lot of people do feel scared right now. They feel like it's a time for social change. Activist movements and I think they can be called that they don't see a space for humor. Do you fear that the people who are looking to make a change in the next regime, whether it's this next administration or just the time that we're in, that they will lose that sense of humor and in fact lose some power with that.

Yes, I do fear that. Yeah, But then I hang out with my friends and I think that there's two conversations happening in this country. There's a conversation we're having with the people that we love, and then the performance bit we have to put on. And what I noticed in my own career is I was afraid that people would not take seriously the critiques I had if I showed how funny I was, which is so ironical, Like here I was of being like I came out of the closet when I was eighteen, and then I was

And if we.

Forget that truth, we forget who we are.

You speak about that, you speak about death a lot. It's funny you say this. Eric Idle was here from Money Python a month ago saying that exact same thing. The humor that you find in death in funerals is sort of our humanity. Looking at the news right now, places like Meta, we see what's happening with Mark Zuckerberg and the threat of a MAGA administration, and they're removing the any kind of guardrails they had towards hate speech. How do we combat something like that in your mind.

So, to be really honest with you, caught me in January, and I take New Year's extremely seriously. So I listened to a lot of white women podcasts, and what they have been teaching me is I need to manifest what I want to see in the world, and I don't really have space for negative vibes like sure, no bad energy.

Oka.

So I read that news and I was like, it's not why this is happening to me, it's why is this happening for me?

You know?

And so what I actually started to realize is this was actually really brave because Meta is accusing us of misgendering a corporation, which is extremely serious business, and when you really think about it, it's kind of trans They're like, who you see me as is not who I actually want to be. Oh, it's like a gender reveal. Actually, uh huh okay, and like that is so powerful, and.

This is one of the I meant. I was like whoa.

But then I.

Started to do some research and I found out that Meta is technically only twenty years old, and that's kind of young to be making such a serious decision.

It might be that is that is very Yeah.

I mean, they might not have the they might not really know who they are at this point.

It might cause irreversible damage to democracies across the world. And usually I support freedom, except when it comes to that.

You know.

I was okay with the name change, you know, call me meta. I was like, okay, I can do that, but this that, this just feels like too much.

Yeah. But then back to the podcast.

I was like, no, no, no positive thinking, positive thinking, no space for negativity. It was like Mark Zuckerberg is saying masculine energy. Imagine a white man forty years ago saying masculine energy. Okay, masculine energy. That is the accomplishment of the transgender movement. All right, we are setting the terms of the debate. I feel like he lifted that from a Tumblr post of mine from twenty eleven.

Masculine energy, Like what the does that mean?

Yeah?

All right.

So then I started to realize, like, we might not be winning the like the short term thing, but we're winning the long term thing because even the rhetoric and the language that they're.

Using to approcess is our own. And that's kind of sweet.

Like what my hope for the Trump administration is that they're going to take this trend and they're gonna not deport migrants. They're gonna make migrants hold space for the lyrics of Proud to be an American.

Wow, you have really an optimistic eye, George. What's gonna happen in these next few months? Hey, I'm just saying there's a name out here that's very exciting to see as well. Your Specialist Executive produced by Christopher Guest. Yes, how did that come about?

Okay, So here's the thing I asked him to direct. He said, alok, we both know you could do a better job directing than me, which is the first time in history that a British Man has ever said that to an Indian person.

Wow.

I was blown away. My god, I felt like my ancestral healing.

I was like, whoa, I will take it from you, Chris, And.

So I said, like, I want to learn from you, like I want to and he's like, I have nothing to teach, and so I said, Okay, tell me stories about what it was like to be on set. And

Well, it's a truly remarkable special. I hope people go out and see it. Biology is available out of streams now at Alope Madam Adopt com Alo. We're gonna take a click rank you're right back after this. That's our show for tonight. But before we go, please consider supporting the California Fire Foundation. They are on the ground working with local fire agencies and community organizations to provide support

Is that just as aleite of asking why users can't just take to a different app?

Well, I'm just wondering whether this is like somebody's attachment to an old article of clothing. I mean, I really love this old shirt because I've been wearing this old shirt. But I could go out and buy something exactly like that, but no, I like the old shirt.

Is that what we have here?

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