This Week's Top Stories | Oprah Turns On Dr. Oz

you know, yeah, because like everyone has stopped caring. It's kind of like if you want an early season of American Idol, then you were famous. But if you win season thirty four, now is just a story you tell your co workers at the coffee machine, you know. And I was like, I'll have my decalf if you saw me last night i won the American I'll I'll have

that report to you soon. Thank you, sir. But remember to all those COVID variants competing against each other right now, I just want you to remember, it's not about winning or losing. It's about this all right, getting into someone's lungs and ruining their week. Remember that. In social media news on Friday, Elon Musk kicked off his new job as the head of Twitter bye by the thinking off I like how you built your booth. He kicked off as the head of Twitter by laying off half of

the workforce. Even fired the bird was terrible. I was last seen in a parking lot Dick for worms all relax, Relax, and Dick is just a bigger worm. But it turns out it turns out Musk got a little ahead of himself because this morning he's reportedly trying to rehire dozens of people that he just fired after realizing that he actually needs them. And I'm gonna be I'm gonna be honest. I'm gonna put it out there. Uh, if he's handling Twitter like this, I don't know how comfortable I would

be going with this dude to Mars. You know, yeah, I don't want Ellen walking into my cabin one dayre like, Hey, guys, turns out how I accidentally fired the team that was bringing the oxygen. But we'll be fine if we just stopped breathing for sixty months. Both in uh. In sports news. In sports news, congratulations to the Houston Nastros who beats who beat the Philadelphia Phillies on Saturday to win the

World Series. Yes, and this was great news for Texas except for all the people who are to see Ted Cruz smile. And I feel bad for the people in Philly. You know, they're blackout, drunk fighting in the streets and

then they had to watch their team lose. Alright, let's move on some of the biggest stories of the day, starting once again with the mid term election, that time in American politics where the voters get to send their order back to the kitchen because they don't like how it tastes too much inflation anyway, but the big day happening tomorrow, It's time for us to catch up on all the latest updates in our ongoing coverage of vote demic.

So here we are people. After months of campaign speeches, TV ads, spam texts, and fundraising emails, the mid terms end tomorrow, and I'm glad, especially because I won't be getting in all those spam texts they were killing me, especially the ones that start like a booty call. You know, yeah, I'd be like, hey, Trevor, you up. I'd be like, yeah, to save the Senates law. But tomorrow it all ends, and with so many tight races both parties are pulling

out all the stops down to the wire. I'll wall to wall weekend of campaigning in the battle grounds, candidates locked in neck and neck battles, bringing out the big guns, the biggest names from both parties spanning out across the battleground states that will decide control of Congress. Three presidents past and president flooding Pennsylvania holding Julian campaign rallies, fundamental rights on the bolt. Democracy itself is on the ballot now.

Even Oprah Winfrey has now jumped into this race. She discovered doctor Oz, worked with him for years, but now announcing her endorsement of Fetterman. But I will tell you all this, if I lived in Pennsylvania, I would already cast my vote for John Fetterman for many reasons. Wow, Oprah Winfrey coming out and not just coming out, she came out against doctor Oz, the man she created, the TV doctor she made famous. And that's always how it goes. People. At some point in life, you have to kill the

monster you create. Yeah, Dr Frankenstein, his creature, Obi Wan and Anakin. Parents and their kids. Every parent knows that they will eventually come when you have to fight your children to the death to determine who will control their remote control. But still Oprah going for Feedeman must have broken doctor oss hearts. Luckily, he has the perfect cure for that, Doctor os is broken hearts dietary supplements. It'll enhance your mood and only turn your poop yellows some

of the time. Get it now before the FDA outlaws

it again. Now, it's not your soul, it's not your So the Democrats are bringing everyone out, Bill Clinton, Barack Obama, which you have to admit is bad news for the Democrats, right because the bigger names that you bring out to support you in the mid terms means the worst you're doing, all right, Like, if I was a Democratic Pennsylvania, this would be making me nervous, you know, I would just be like, guess what Obama is coming to the rally tonight,

Oh boy, and he's bringing Beyonce. Oh ship, We're so screwed. And the truth there's Democrats are nervous right now because they've got a lot stacked up against them in this selection. Inflation is high, crime is up, Pickle Bull is taking over for some reason, and all of that is sending Democrats into full on panic mode. President Biden is warning that American democracy is at risk, but it may not

be enough to stop a red wave tomorrow night. A lot of Democrats, whether they're elected officials, party leaders, strategists, are panicked that they feel like things are not going

well for them in the mid terms. Right now, President Biden heading the traditionally blue Maryland today after a stop Sunday in another Democratic stronghold, New York vote Get out of the Vote now, the President giving a last minute boost to New York Governor Kathy Hogel, running in a now unexpectedly tight race against Congressman Lee Zelden in a state that hasn't elected a Republican governor in two decades. Yeah, that's how bleak it is looking for Democrats right now.

They're scrambling to salvage a governor's race in New York, New York, which is crazy. New York is supposed to be a given for the Democrats. You know, this is this is like having to beg your stalker to like one of your posts on Instagram. It's like, come on, man, my fates are in this one. It's like, yeah, no, it's just not doing it for me anymore. So, Yeah, the expectations are that Republicans are going to have a very good election and that Democrats are in deep trouble.

But keep in mind, keep in mind that's all based on the polls, which I'll be honest bugs me about American politics because like, polls are just like an idea is, like what a person says, what they maybe are going to do, and that's why they're often wrong. In fact, these days, it feels like they're wrong a lot more than they're right. You know, if you went by the polls in the last election, like think about it, Susan Collins would have lost her election by six points instead

she wanted by nine. A right, Lindsey Graham was tied in the polls, but instead he destroyed his ponents, and according to the polls, Joe Biden was supposed to win by eight points. Instead he had to steal the election. I mean, you don't know, And there are a lot of reasons. There are a lot of reasons why the posts could be off. You know, you don't know, maybe the posts are biased, maybe people who are answering or answering sarcastically, like, oh, I'd love to vote for Joe Biden.

But the poll doesn't get that, or maybe the polls could be wrong because the only people who aren't supposed to the craziest people ever. Have you ever answered the poll? Huh? No, if you got a call from an unknown number, you don't answer. What do you creep? In fact, anytime a poster to get someone to participate, the next call is probably to the police. It's just like hello, line one one. Yes, someone just picked up my call and spoke to me for ten minutes. You should go check their freezer for

body parts. Yeah, it's uh, it's warring. But even though the two election there isn't over yet, it looks like four campaign might already be underway. According to reports, Donald Trump is planning to announce another run for presidents as soon as the mid terms over. Yeah, but he's gonna wait for the mid terms first because he wants to do the responsible thing and see if his election denies get into power so they can steal the election for him.

He's waiting. It's good and even though he hasn't officially announced that he's running a Trump is already taking shots at some of his rivals in the GOP. Donald Trump, meanwhile, and Florida Governor RHN de Santis held competing rallies in the state of Florida yesterday. While Trump urged flurry and to vote for De Santists in his race against Democrat Charlie Christ, the foreign president also took a swipe at

the governor as a potential opponent. We're winning big, big, big in the Republican Party for the nomination like nobody's ever seen before. Let's say there it is Trump at seventy one, Rond sanctimonious at Mike Pennce at seven. Oh, Mike started better than I thought. Yeah, I thought he'd be dead by now. I guess the it's always next time. He's doing better. By the way, I love how Trump always gives speeches on the Tomac right in front of his plane. Have you noticed that, Like the door is opened,

the stare. It's almost like he doesn't want to spend one second longer than needed with those people. He's just like, keep the engine running. I want to leave this ship hole town as soon as I say good night. In fact, just dangle me from a hendicop that pulled me up. When I'm done. I want to get out of here before these red knecks can touch me. You saw what they did to my pants. These people are dangerous. But the reason that speech is going viral is because of

that bitchy little swipe at run de Sanctimonious. Yeah, you saw that, breaking out a classic Trump nickname. I mean, at least we think it was a nickname. It could have just been Trump trying to say the Sanctus, you know him Sanctoria Dons. And what makes the story even better is that apparently Trump has been privately testing nicknames for run the Sanctus, Yeah, which is amazing to me.

The man is at a meeting with his team of lawyers and he's like, all right, all right, enough, of all the ways that I could go to jail, what do you guys like better? Rhonda sanctimonious, RUNDI shit heads? Which one? Right now? Right now, it looks like a Trump versus the Sanctus feud is breaking out into the open. And you know, usually when two men fight in Florida,

it's at a margharitavo at one am. But this, this is a lot more high stakes, which is probably why a lot of Republicans are upset with Trump for going after the Sanctus. Yeah, because they're like, what are you doing. We love Rhonda Sanctus, He's our guy. Trump is like, yeah, I know, That's why I hates him, because you see, people don't realize that's the one thing Trump hates more than anything is anyone having what he thinks should be

his spotlight. That might be the thing that destroys the Republican chances in Donald Trump cannot stand out being the center of attention. Yeah, I bet he got jealous when his kids were born. You know, it's like, congratulations, it's a boy's like, I'm also a boy, and I've been avoid much longer, so long. Many people not We're saying

a bet for of all time. All year long, we've been waiting to find out if Republicans will take control of Congress and stop President Biden's agenda, or if Democrats will keep control of Congress and somehow stop Biden's agenda. And it's all led up to today. Election Day. A great day for democracy and for people who love waiting in lines, you know, another chance to smell a stranger's hair.

You've probably heard it everywhere, you know, but many people believe this maybe the most important election of our lifetimes. And yes, I know, I know they said that about right. I also know that they said about the mid terms, and they definitely said it about twenty well, know, which I know makes some people say, well, clearly, none of these elections are as important as people say. They always say it's the most important election. But but maybe maybe

we're thinking of it wrong. You know, maybe everything is getting worse and worse, which makes every election more and more important. And I know I said that and like that, like it sounded good, but it's not. I get that my my inflection didn't match the feeling. Well, think of it this way. Think of it this way. Like when you're in a car, the brakes are the most important safety feature. Right when you're in your driveway, it helps to have brakes, Yeah, But then when you get on

the road, the brakes become more important. Then you're on the freeway going a hundred miles per hour, the breaks are even more important. Then a school bus gets stuck in front of you, and then you realize that the school bus is full of puppies, and the puppies are holding the only copy of Free's new album Another, breaks are the most important price off like that to a high?

Did I take my brakes start. Granted, not lucky. Many people did feel like this was an important election, so all around the country people turned up to vote everywhere, from Arizona to Pennsylvania to Wisconsin to a bunch of states that the media doesn't even care about. People cast their votes in this election. And now that the voting is finished, there is some good news. You all voted perfectly and every problem in America has been solved. Congratulations

from the last congratul voting, I'm trapping thing sarcastic. Obviously, it still counting the votes, so we're gonna have to wait until tomorrow or two months from now, depending on how many lawsuits they are. But right now, we've got full team coverage of election night all around the country. So let's kick things off with our very own Roy would Jr. Everybody who is live party headquarters, Roy tubbshous time for the Democrats. What's the mood like over there

right now? It's nervous trailer that Democrats are not expecting a good outcome tonight. Chuck Schumer already sweating like Elon Musk looking at Twitter's balance sheet. Manty Pelosi, Nanty Pelosi, pacing so hard she already got in her steps for the week. And Joe Biden, well he's taking a nap,

but it's a nervous nap. When I'm nervous naps, you know, like when you sleep at the wheel and you there is all the well Roy, you know, if Democrats lose big tonight, many stratagists will suggest that their campaign messages didn't resonate enough with the voters, you know, because they ran on abortion rights and saving democracy, but it seems like for most voters that wasn't a priority. The Democrats

agree with you, Trevor. That's why tonight they're coming up with brand new campaign messages to get voters on their side. But tonight they think it's a little too late for everyone's votes. Already, Dad, there's still people in line in Georgia. And just wait until they get on Twitter and see democrats new campaign slogan, vote for us and we'll get rid of Mondays. It's a good one. That's that's weird. And also then doesn't Tuesday just become the new Monday? No,

that's not hire words, because then Tuesday he got those ideas. Anyway, man, they got other ideas. Here's here's another one. The Democrats are promise, and they're promising to make another season of the Office, and for black voters, Martin, they've got a new tax plan. Pay what you want, and they'll make it so that everyone's team makes it to the super Bowl. Okay, pay what you will and everybody's team make it to the Super Bowler's two policy strap. But I understand if

everyone's team makes us the super Bowl. No, I'm not done with the list here. You're coming all that damn logic. How about this way? Unlimited bread sticks at every restaurant, even the Chinese ones, even the Chinese restaurant unlimited. Don't even give you bread sticks to Chinese restaurants. And and and look at this list right here, man, Look look at all this stuff. Man Pompkins, spice Latte's year round. That's what basic bitches like you tref If none of

that works, check this out the Democrats. Here's something else. They're promising every oscars will have a surprise slap till I'm gonna be exciting a surprise Meryl Street just hauling off and slapping Timothy Child May just stopping. You know you want to see that ship. You know you want to surprise. I mean these sound very exciting, but I mean it seems very desperate from the Democrats. Well, yeah, that's what I told them, but they refused to give up.

And now they're talking about forgiving everything, student loan debt, forgiving gambling debts, forgiving you gave an embarrassing best man's speech at your boys wedding, forgiving you hit that browning. You can't be mad at me no more for saying your wife looked like Shrek. It is what it is, bro, Why would you say that during the best man speech? She started it. I came to that winning in peace to support them. She the one who said I got a civil rights hair line. You don't do that to

a man. You know, a man's hair is the line you don't cross. Alicia, Alright, we're gonna talk to you later about that. Would not at all. We couldn'mber with the promises? Are weare? Promises are really weird? All right? Right before we crossed over to our next correspondent, we do have a new live projection coming in and it's a big one in the States of Georgia, the Georgia Senate Race. The Daily Show projects that herschel Walker has

won twenty three and me. I didn't even realize twenty three and me was a thing you could win, but they just announced it. So good for him. I guess good for him he did it. But anyway, let's go live now to Michael Coster, who I believe is coming to us from election Denia's headquarters. That's right, Trevor. There are so many election deniers running this year that they have their own headquarters where they can watch the results come in. And fun fact, the WiFi password here is

Hillary killed JFK and also is JFK all halves. Wow. Okay, so I'm really intreatue. What's the mood like over there? Oh, they are having a blast here, and I'll tell you one thing. They're not denying more jello shots. These people know how to party, Trevor. Wow, I mean, I'm assuming election denials must be doing well tonight. They are in hundreds of election deniers ran for office this year, and a lot of them have already won their races. I see, Wait,

these are election denias. So I guess they don't think there's any fraud in their elections. Well, no, of course not. They won. Okay, but then what about the election denias who didn't win tonight's Well, obviously their elections were stolen, you know, just like Trump's was in twenty and will be again unless he wins, in which case it was legitimate. It sounds like these people are just sore loses. Whoa, whoa.

We do not say that word here, Trevor. Okay, especially not with the hard are Okay, but no coast of the reasoning doesn't make any sense. Actually, it's pretty simple. Let me break it down for you. Okay. So you see, if they lost, that's because it was rigged, and you can tell it was rigged because they lost. Yeah. But but Michael, that's circular logic. Well it's it's actually more of an oval if you ask me. So, okay, how do they know the election they won wasn't rigged. Well,

that's easy because they won, so it's fair. It's all over here on this other oval, okay. And now that they've won, they can change the voting laws, you know, purge the voter rolls, throw out ballots they don't like, give themselves the power to overturn resolves so they never lose again. But that's rigging the election, so they win. What are you not understanding. Okay, if they win, that means it wasn't rigged. Do they not have ovals in Africa? We have ogls costa because it is about logic. It

doesn't seem like a democracy to me. Look, I'd love to keep explaining it to you, but I gotta go. Everyone's heading over to the Capitol to celebrate, well or to storm it. We'll see when we get there. Are you be carful? There? Cost to Michael, cost to everybody. This is a very stressful election. Are before Before we get to our next correspondent, we have some more results coming in. Our analysts have crunched all the numbers and we can confirm that that five bucks you donated didn't

do ships. Going into last nights midterms, almost everyone was expecting a huge night for Republicans, a red wave that would wash away the Democrats in Congress and yank off Joe biden Strom trucks. Sure one could see his old man butt. But now the votes are in, and already already people are realizing that, although there's still a lot left to count, it's clear that the red wave did not show up. This morning, control of Congress up in the air, with both the House and Senate still hanging

in the balance. Republicans acknowledging the expected red wave never materialized. The five races still the call. It's unclear who will control the Senate control of the House as leading Republican but only barely. Democrats overall are doing much better than expected. That predicted red wave only appears to be a splash. If you will, the word wave has no application yet to what we're saying. This might feel more like the edge of a lake. This really looks much more like

a red whisper. If that This wasn't even red wave. It's not even a red little ripple in a pond. If I've heard it called, you know, the red sprinkler. I've heard it called the red splash, the red puddle, the red drizzle, the red spreats. Yeah, you know, when you're paying and then a little bit comes out after

you're done. It's a red one of those. You should probably go get that checked out, by the way, And like some of these didn't even make sense, you know, like I'm sorry, but what what is a red whisper? What is that? Like a smr ful conservatives stuff that is I was just like, now I'm not the voting right sence. Oh yeah, but yes, last night was not the red wave that many people expected it to be.

And to be clear, to be clear, Republicans are still in good shape to take control of the House and they may even take control of the Senate when it's all said and done. Now it's too early. It's too early to tell because you know, America AC counts it's votes as slowly as George R. Martin writes the books. But it's definitely not the huge win that they were expecting. So it feels like it lost, which is really strange

to me about politics. You know, it's only places where you can technically win but still lose because people thought you were gonna win. More basically, Republicans got the hand job version of winning. Yeah, like it got the job done, but no one's really happy about it. It was like Mara, I'd have done this to myself. And again, lots of races are still undecided. Arizona and Nevada won't be done

counting votes for a few more days. We won't know who won Alaska's racist until the dogs Led arrives and the big Senate race in Georgia looks like it is headed to a runoff in December. Yeah, which is only gonna screw up hershal Walker's brain even more right, I don't think it's like another election has been six years already. Oh man, that means I got thirty five children. Now

what's happening? Oh wow. For one big race that was decided last night was in Pennsylvania, where John Federman defeated Dot Door, which you gotta admit as exciting for the Capital because nobody in the Senate looks like this guy. I mean, you see this. He doesn't look like everyone. He's massive. He's got the bald head, the goatee, the hoodie, which is dope. Normally senators look like your dad's boss

from work. You know. John Federman looks like he can physically raise the dead ceiling seven trillier and look not. One of the reasons so many people who were surprised

by last night's results is that for weeks. For weeks, pundits had been saying that there are only a few issues that really mattered to Americans right now, like inflation, crime, and whatever the hell is going on with the Twitter check marks, and in particular, in particular, the experts were saying that voter concerns about abortion had faded since the summer. I guess all those experts have been fired and will never be allowed back on television because it turns out

they were just a little bit wrong. The issue of abortion turned out to be a massive factor yesterday, with the Supreme Court's decision in the Job's case to overturn Roe v. Wade playing a much bigger role than polls before the election suggested. In California, Michigan, and Vermont, voters chose to enshrine reproductive rights into their states constitutions. The biggest surprise came in Republican leading Kentucky, where voters rejected

an anti abortion constitutional amendment. It was a huge night for abortion rights across the country. I mean women voted in droves. Yes. Well, people said a few weeks ago that it didn't matter that it was fading. It didn't. Turns out that wasn't right. Yeah, it turns out abortion

rights didn't fade away as a concert. And it's crazy that people ever thought it would, you know, like what women out there would be like, you know what really bothered me over the summer when the state government wanted to take control of my reproductive system, but not I'm like whatever, and maybe my buddy is the choice. I don't know. So it looks like abortion rights with a

big one last nights. And it looks like the big loser last nights was not another than Donald jumped the shock Trump because because so far it looks like many of the candidates he endorsed ended up being unendorsed by the votes. Here's what we know for sure this morning. It was a disappointing night for former President Trump. The biggest loser last night was Donald Trump. In state after state candidates that he brought to the race, candidates that he endorsed did not win or are losing right now.

But perhaps the worst result for Trump is that his biggest Republican rival had the best night of anybody. Florida Governor Rhonda Santist might have moved closer to a possible presidential bid with a commanding victory over former Governor Charlie Chris. That's rights. It was a bad night for Trump and a great night for his rival. Ron de sanct Deremonious. He absolutely crushed it in Florida. I mean crushed it like bos Salts crushed it. And judging by this post

on his knuckle of Twitter, Trump is not taking it. Well, yeah, he wrote, shouldn't it be said? That it Jenny, Jenny, I got one point one million more votes in Florida than run Dy got this year, five point seven million to four point six minute, Jess ask, oh wow, And you see what you've done? Run the actors, You see what you've done? You made Trump so mad he's doing maths four points that's five point seven even sounding like Shakespeare? And that shouldn't it be said? And here that too fall.

Here's the thing, here's the thing that's exciting about this. The santors of success combined with Trump's failures is already causing chaos in the Republican party right because now Republicans

are asking themselves, what do we do? Do we stick with Trump, who screwed up two elections now but still controls all of the hardcore Republicans and it's also completely toxic with everyone else, or with old Ronda Santis, who's clearly the upgrade of Trump, But then you risk losing Trump and then he burns down the entire g O P. What do you do? And it's funny, it's so funny to watch because all these Conservats they don't know what to do, all right, They're just like, do I go

with Trump? O? Do I go with the sensus? Oh? If I had principles, I would follow them, But I just want to be on the winning side. Which one do I go with? You know? Right now? Right now? Conservatives in America like kids who can see a bad divorce coming and they want to pick sides, but they don't show which parent is going to keep the house.

But it's true Trump had a tough night. You know, poor guy was just at home watching his top election deniers lose and crying into a box of classified documents a nuclear But because this is Donald Trump, he's not taking responsibility. In fact, it's being reported that he's blaming Millennia for pushing him to endorse Dr Oz in the first place, saying it was quote not her best decision. Yeah, and I'm sure. In response, Millania was like, yes, it's true,

I'm very bad that picking man. But what everything about the election was about Democrats or Republicans. So let's take a moment to appreciate all the historic moments from last night. We want to tell you about several historic firsts across the country. In Alabama, Republican Katie Britt the winner in the race for U. S. Senate. She's the first woman

ever elected to the Senate in Alabama. In Maryland, Democrat Westmore will be the state's first black governor, and Massachusetts made history onto fronts democ had an Attorney General Moura Healy will become the first female governor in the state's history, and she will also be the nation's first openly lesbian governor. Election history was also made in Florida. Year old Democrat Maxwell Frost is said to be the first member of Generation Z to win a seat in Congress. Wow, a

twenty five year old congressman. That's gonna be great to have a young person in Congress. And by young, I mean under five. I mean it will be tough. Though. It will be tough being that young around that many old people off. His time is going to be spent helping them with their phones. It's gonna be in the middle of a speech like and that's why my district and the people of it deserved what what chuck? No,

just just swipe up, swipe up to close the app. No, swipe up, No, don't click that there are not really hot singles in your area. It's a trick, truck, It's a trick, and then a lot of other cool first to women first, LGBT you first, immigrant first. Honestly, I almost feel bad for anyone who won last night and wasn't a historic first. There's probably some straight white guy last night giving his victory speech like it's an honor to be the first governor in state history? Who can

uh do this? Pretty pretty sick? Right? Yeah? Yeah, no, just me. Let's kick things off with the mid term elections. A night so disappointing for Republicans, Mitch McConnell is flying his jaws at half masks. As of right now, there are several big races that are still too close to call. For instance, will Republican Adam laxal to hold onto his lead in the Nevada Senate race, Will Lauren Bobert's sleep

squeak one out in Colorado? Will election deny a carry Lake accept the results if she loses the Arizona governor's race, or will she try to hang whoever Arizona's Mike Pences. Nobody knows, and one reason it's so hard to predict the results is that Americans cost ballots in so many

different ways, and they all come in differently and separately. Right, and Democrats tend to vote early by mail or dropbox, Republicans show up on election date or use military ballots, and herschel Walker votes the way he fathers his children absentee. But there is one unfinished race that's not all that close,

and it's a real trip. We're still watching Proposition one two, which appears likely to pass, and if it does, Colorado would essentially legalized psychedelic mushrooms, passing the proposition with decriminalized personal possession right away, and then it would allow license medical facilities to administer the natural medicine starting in Yeah, that's right. After being one of the first states to legalize marijuana, Colorado is not one of the first states

to legalize mushrooms. And I think it's great. I think it is, yeah, because of creating like a instead of creating a drug underworld, Colorado is bringing everything else and so the open you know, you can legalize that, you can regulate it. It's like those parents who give their kids wine with dinner. There's like, yeah, I'd rather they be drunk in front of me. Because it's safer and also it's funny to watch them bumping into things. Girl,

look at you, Tyler. And I know right now, I know, right now, there's some people seeing this law going into effect on their panic and they're like, shrooms, who are gonna be legal? What? And I'm like, but hey, hey, just relax, relax, breathe, You're gonna be just fine. Just drink more water and listen to some enya okay and yeah and yeah and yeah it's a weird name. I'm freaking out again. But personally, I'm all for drug laws getting less restrictive, and if they do officially legalized rooms,

I'm also excited for their next ballot measure. Why are my hands so big? Now? If we had more time, we could talk about whether the acceptance of recreational drug use can lead to increased understanding of the therapeutic value of psychedelics. Oh, how weird it is that drugs are like the one illegal thing we get to vote on to make legal, you know, like, why don't we legalize jaywalking or even better, jay driving? Why did the pedestrians

have the sidewalks after themselves? But we don't have the time for any of that because while the US is abandoning the war on drugs, Ukraine is still fighting its war with Russia, and its leader just got some really strange military assistance. The actors on Penn most often doing the unpredictable. He did it again, this time loaning his oscar to the President of Ukraine, but it comes with a condition. Video posted online shows Pen handing the oscar

to Ukrainian President Zelinski. He said Zelinski can keep it until Ukraine wins the war against Russia. Penn has visited Ukraine several times since the fighting began last February. If I know this is here with you, then I'll then I'll feel better and strong enough for the fight when you when you win, bring it back to Malabama. I don't even know how to process this information. Am I own mushrooms? Is? Is it happening already? Like like already?

I don't get it. How does the oscar help Zelensky fight The Wall's supposed to use it as a weapon. I mean, if that's the case, at least give him too, so he can use them like nunchucks, like on a chain, you know. And it would be strange enough if he just gave him an oscar to help win the war, but he wants Zelensky to return it. That was the weird part for me. He's like, make sure you bring this back to me. That's a lot of responsibility. The

man is already running a war against Russia. Now he's gonna make sure that nothing happens to Sean Pen's oscar. He's like air raid sirens are going off there like quickly, sir, quickly, everyone get to the bunk, and he's like, coming, I just need to find short Pens. Can you back? Can need it back. The only way I think this could work is if Zelensky gave the oscar to Putin and then while Putin gave the acceptance speech, the music just played him off and then he had to leave Ukraine.

But wait, I wasn't finished. Okay, good night, goodbye everybody. I actually hope that Zelenski is a fan of Sean Penn's movies, because because we don't know what else happened, that you might have gotten really awkward, you know. Sean Penn is like, here, I want you to have my best actor Oscar for Milk. Yes, Yes, one of my favorite film my I remember watching it and thinking wow, that's this lot of milk. No way you come during

cold milk. Powerful story. Now, if we had more time, we could talk about the other major development in the war, which is that Russia was just forced into another embarrassing retreat from a major Ukrainian city, probably because they heard Ukraine has Sean Penn's oscar now. But we don't have the time for that because right now, the one thing being managed worse than Putin's role is Elon Musk's websites.

We Twitter has officially debuted it's verified blue check marks in the future, is already causing a lot of confusion. Subscribers who pay the eight dollar monthly fear now entitled to some additional perks, namely the blue checkmark previously reserved for verified accounts. The problem is some of those users are using their newly acquired verification to impersonate celebrities and other public figures. Someone pretending to beat Lebron James tweeted

I am officially requesting a trade from the Lakers. An account that appeared to be from the pharmaceutical company Eli Lily announced that all insland would now be free. Meanwhile, a user impersonating George W. Bush declared I miss killing Iraqis, and a fake account for Nintendo simply tweeted a picture of Mario giving the finger. Oh no, because anyone can buy verification. Then now impersonating famous people who could have seen this coming. What everyone on Wow, where were you guys?

Forty four billion dollars ago. Look, I'm gonna be honest and I'm gonna be blunt here. Elon Musk is running Twitter into the ground, and it's the best Twitter has ever been? Are you kidding me? Fake Lebron leaving n Mario flipping the bird, George Bush telling us how he really feels. The thing is an absolute train wreck and I'm here for it. The only reason we know that that wasn't the real Mario was because Mario would never

flip someone the bird. He's Italian, Come on, yeah, he'd probably do this right on this It is like, hey, Cooper, tell your mother said hello? Why? But who knows? Who knows? Maybe all of this verified real fake people on Twitter chaos is actually part of Elon's plan. Yeah, maybe this is what he's doing on purpose, so no one will know a real account from a fake account, and then he'll be like, guys, did you see someone impersonated me and spent billion dollars on Twitter. That was crazy. Well

I'm just gonna take my money and be on my way. Okay, bye bye bye. Now, if we had the time, we could discuss how this verified fiasco isn't just hurting Twitter, it's also damaging testlas Stock. Oh, we could definitely talk about how Rihanna just sit on Twitter that she wanted me to perform with her at the Super Bowl and no, it's not a fake account because she even asked for

my Social Security number. But we don't have the time for any of that, because while Twitter is faking celebrities, a real celebrity is in trouble for faking his life. Vogue is suing rappers Drake and twenty one Savage for using a fake cover story to promote their new album Her Loss So. Back in October, Drake shared what appeared to be a Vogue magazine cover featuring himself and twenty one Savage with the caption me and my brother on

the newsstand tomorrow, thanking Vogue editors for their support. Well, apparently they did not like this, because the publishers they filed a complaint in federal court this week, saying the stunt was infringement of the company's trademark. So far, no comment on the law suit from Trake or Savage. Yeah, that's right. Vogue is suing Drake and twenty one Savage for four million dollars for photoshopping themselves onto the cover of the magazine, which, to be honest, I don't know

if Vogue has a case here. You can clearly tell that this was a fake cover. I mean, Vogue lighting black people properly. This is clearly not real. But no, it's parody, but the beef is very real. The biggest name in magazines is going up against the biggest name in hip hop. That's no joke. This hasn't happened since Tupac got shot by Reader's Digest. That shire was no gag. Now, just for context, this Vogue cover wasn't the only fake promotion Drake in twenty one Savage I've been doing right.

He also released a fake interview with Howard Stern, a fake SNL performance, fake appearance on NPR like Tiny Desk, which is a little weird because he's Drake. He doesn't have to fake any of these things. You know. It's so weird. You mean's like, Drake, if you want to be on NPR, I'm pretty sure you can be on NPR. This would be like Obama photoshopping himself at a buffalo wild Wings. You know, he was just like, look, Michelle, it almost looks like I was actually there. How cool

would that be? He come, man, you've a pregnant and he couldn't go to the buffal a long Wings. Wat's the Daily show weeknights at eleven tenth Central on Comedy Central and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount Plus. This has been a Comedy Central podcast