This Week's Top Stories | New Details Emerge From The Jan. 6 Committee

wing fanatics attacked America's democracy. For Trump supporters, it was a field trip where they got to meet their friends from the internet. But now the committee says that it can prove that January six wasn't just a spontaneous riot by an angry mob. It was the climax of a long, coordinated plot by Donald Trump, which I don't know about you. For me is shocking, no, because I didn't think Trump

could coordinate anything in advance. The man can even plan where a sentence should end, like I didn't think that would happen. According to the Committee, Trump planned to overthrow

the election because he knew that he had lost. And the reason that we know he knew that he had lost is because now everyone around him is spilling the beans The committee relied on some of those closest to Donald Trump to make its case, his once loyal Attorney general, who told investigators Trump's claims of a stolen election were bunk. I told him that the stuff that his people were shuttling out to the public were bullets bullshit. I mean

that the claims of fraud were bullshit. I thought, boy, if he really believes this stuff, he has you know, lost contact with with He's become detached from reality and the president's own daughter and senior advisor. I hate respect Attorney General barn Um, so I accepted what he sent was saying. Hours after the hearing, Trump put out a statement saying his daughter quote had long since checked out and was only trying to be respectful to Bill Barr.

Wait wait wait, wait wait, I'm sorry Ivanka checked out? When was she checked in? Because for four years it looked like she was just walking around trying to find her desk? When was she checked in? Checked out? Of? What this is? Like? A machine gun? Kelly said he was no longer pursuing a PhD in nuclear physics. When

was that even happening? Was that a thing? But yeah, Trump's in a circle was well aware that the election did not go their way, and they told Trump except for one person who had the liquid courage to say that Trump did win. President Trump rejected the advice of his campaign experts on election night and instead followed the course recommended by an apparently inebriated Rudy Giuliani to just claim he won and insists that the vote counting stop.

There anyone in that conversation who, in your observation, had had too much to drink. Uh Giuliani in the mirror, was definitely intoxicated. Yeah, According to this former Trump aid, Rudy Giuliani was wasted on election night when he told Trump that the election was stolen from him. And I'm just curious about how you even know when Rudy Giuliani is drunk. No, because when a normal person is drunk, they say crazy things, they yell, they sweat a lot.

So how does that work with Rudy? Doesn't work in reverse? Like does he start talking normally his head that sucks back into his hair. How does this work? And you know, it actually says a lot about Trump that the whole team of sober advises, his attorney general, his campaign manager, his his daughter, who he wants to bang. Yeah, we haven't forgotten. They were all telling him you lost this election, sir. But then Trump was like, yeah, yeah, whatever, drunk vampire,

what do you think? You know, when you think about it, actually makes sense that Trump would listen to a drunk person, because that's the one time people probably sound like him. You know, He's just like, what do you guys think? What should do? I'll tell you what I think we should do. Wow, there's something about this guy. He totally gets it. You'll get it. I get it, you get

you get it. So the January six Committee says that Trump started plotting months before the actual event, months before, and their proof that he got what he wanted is that he didn't try to stop the riot once it started. No, he can't get on the phone with the Defense Department or calling the National Guard. It turns out it was actually Mike Pence who did that. Yeah, Mike Pence was basically the president for a few hours, which is why we have that law now banning water for being too spicy.

And it would have been bad enough if Trump did nothing, but instead he actively riled up the crowd even more. In one piece I've never before seen video of the attack, a rioter is shown reading Trump's tweet criticizing as vice president even as the capital was breached, and how it turned to the crowd against Mike pants inaccurate they were after previously to Yeah, not only did Trump not try to stop the riot, but while it was happening, he was tweeting out statements that were riling up the mob,

which is not something you expect from a president. You know, That's something you expect from a guy on the edge of a waffle house fights. It's like, yeah, that's right, he stole your fries. He should beat his burned the whole store down. Yeah, I'll take your order in a second. I'm just trying to get this fight going. Come on. It was whild that guy was reading the tweets standing there in the insurrection. He's like, he has a message

from Trump right now. You know. It would have been funny, though, is if that wasn't the only Trump tweet that got into the crowd to get them going. Robert Pattinson should not take back Kristin Stewart. She cheated on him like a dog and we'll do it again. Sorry losers and haters, but my I Q is one of the highest and you all know it. Sorry, folks, I'm just not a fan of sharks, and don't worry, they will be around long after we are gone. Those riots has killed every

shock that day. So the hearings showed Trump's team told him that he lost. He didn't do anything to stop the riots, and he actively added fields to the fire while the Capitol Building was being swamped. But today they released one of the most damning pieces of evidence proving Trump knew his election fraud claims were fake, which is that when he asked his supports is to donate money so that he could fight the fraud in court, he

just took the money and ran. Listen to what one of their senior investigators, Amanda Wick, said about what they discovered about the way Trump and his associates raised money. The claims that the election was stolen were so successful, President Trump and his allies raised two hundred fifty million dollars nearly a hundred million dollars in the first week after the election. On November nine, President Trump created a

separate entity called the Save America Pack. Most of the money raised went to this newly created pack, not to election related litigation. And what's important about this victor. It's not just that they were peddling the big lie through these emails fundraising solicitations. They also weren't using that money for the purpose of trying to truly find election fraud or fight these court battles. That's evidence of fraud. The next question is does the Department of Justice do anything

with it? Wait, what Donald Trump conned his supporters fetis so predictable. But how are you shocked by this? I mean, the man is consistent if nothing else. Honestly, if you got tricked by Trump scamming you, maybe your money deserves a better home. And yes, I'm victim blaming. I don't care. I will say. What impressed me about this whole thing was how fast it was this time the second election ended. Trump didn't wait around, he knew it was over, and

then he just went full on Nigerian Prince. Yeah, just jumped in like his whole scam sounded like it was an email. He's like, all, my friend, I am the president of a very powerful country. Suddenly I am in need of money to set my people. Don't it today and your money will be used for their great fights. I'm definitely not so I can go to dinner with kid Rock. Huh Sun dam only please sounded not all of them. More so, that's what we've learned from the

January six Committee hearing so far. There is plenty more to come, and we will keep you updated on all the news from this investigation. Yeah, from now up until the moment that Donald J. Trump is put behind boss. I'm kidding, I'm kidding, you know that is going to be present again. This is America, the stock markets, you know, the app that they pre installed on your phone to

make you feel dumb. Since the stock market recovered from the COVID tumble in, Wall Street has been having a blast, and the more stocks you owned, the better time you were having, which is why Warren Bufett has got those new grills. But over the last year, inflation has been rising, the Federal Reserve has been raising interest rates to cool the economy down, and now it looks like the good times in the stock market might be officially over all.

Eyes on Wall Street once again this morning was yesterday, the stocks plummeted, pushing the SNB officially too bear market territory. The Dow Jones industrials now six lower for the year, the tech and biotech, the nastack down year to date, and the broader SMP index common in Americans portfolios sliding into bear market territory down this year. Real money that Americans have s to one day retire, pay for kids, college, or a new house. The advice from most financial experts,

despite the high stress and the anxiety, don't panic. There's no need to panic. The truth of the matter is, don't panic. Sorry, what did they say? I was too busy chugging that a comic large bottle of xan X. I'm not panic, by the way, I'm just addictas of pills. But yes, people, these are scary times for stocks because we are now officially in a bare market, which is when people are so broke they have to be low. Paddington in the parking lots. Oh heavens, heavens, Oh heavens. Obviously,

I'm joking, joking. Paddington doesn't have a penis a band market. It's basically when the SMP has dropped from its previous high, which for many can be very stressful. Yeah, right now, everyone who's looking at the eight trade account it feels like the same way you look when you know when you're looking at your ex's wedding photos on Instagram, just like, why why do I keep looking? Why? Why am he'd like my mistake? No? I liked it? Now I have

to government. I wish you all that bears that. But even if you don't own stocks, a bad market is often a signal that a recession might be coming, and that affects everybody. The economy slows down, unemployment goes up, Africans become presidents, and your mom starts buying the generic cereals with the knockoff mascots. Yeah, Terry the Tiger says they're adequate. And by the way, it's not just the

stock market that's falling right now. Yeah, crypto is crashing even harder, with bitcoin plummeting six from its high, which I find really interesting because for like the past ten years, every single crypto bro I've met has told me that crypto would protect me when the mainstream economy failed. You heard them, they were everywhere. Crypto people would act like you were the crazy one for not investing your life savings into a coin some Swedish teenager invented last week.

Oh you're not in doggee monkey coin? What a loser. You know what's even crazier is that the crypto crowd is blaming Biden for this. And look, you know, here's the here's the thing. You can blame a president for a lot of things, inflation, unemployment, not being able to cheer for your son Brandon in a soccer game without it becoming a whole thing. But you wanna blame me for crypto. No, my man, If an eight year old man who doesn't even know what bitcoin is can crash

your crypto, then your crypto ain't ship. I said it. Yeah, I know you're mad that your gender tower fell down, but that's what happens when you play gender because remember, like this is what they said to everybody. They said, old crypto is gonna save you from the market. That's what crypto is. It protects you. That made it seem like it was a parachute that would protect us all from the economy. And then now the plane is crashing, and then it turns out the parachute is attached to

the plane. He's like, what is this, It's all going down. Let's move on from that bad economic news to some other bad economic news. For two years now, we have seen the global supply chain crisis impact everything from computers to cause to baby formula. And by the way, why is there never a supply chain shortage of bad stuff? You know, it's never a shortage of like racist Halloween costumes,

But how will I get cansuled now? But the latest shortage is hitting even closer to home, like as close as you can get now to the latest shortage to hit our nation's store, tampons. Women are scrambling to find the products as shelves are increasingly becoming there. It's the latest of the supply chain issues to have a disproportionate impact on women. The makers of Tampax and playtax say

there's high demand and low supply. It's reportedly stemming from a combination of factory staffing problems, transportation log jams, and the rising cost of raw materials like plastics. Companies like CBS and Target confirming they are experiencing lower inventory. Walgreens telling ABC News they will have stock, but there may only be certain brands available while they navigate the supply disruption, and prices for this essential item amy up nearly ten

according to Bloomberg. That's right. The pandemic supply chain problems have now led to a tampon shortage, a massive tampon shortage. And before we panic, before we panic, I think we need to make sure that this whole thing wasn't just started by one dude's bullshit excuse for not picking up tampons. You know, it was just like, oh sorry, babe, I tried. But there's like a whole supply chain issue. Yeah, it's

like economy stuff you wouldn't understand. Yeah, because look, this is actually a serious problem because without tampons, like what women dip into bowls of blue liquid? Yeah, I know how women's bodies work. I've seen it in the ads. I'm that guy. By the way, did you catch how they tried to blame the problem partly on women, where they're like, you to high demand? What does that mean? Someone? What is that YouTube high demand? Because isn't the demand

always pretty much the same? What has changed? Like is there like some viral get your period challenge on TikTok right now? Future high demand here? And this absolutely sucks. I'll tell you know, this sucks for women. You guys don't have to go through this, but women do. It sucks. I will tell you who is probably loving it right now though, is that one forgotten tampon that's been sitting at the bottom of your bag for two years? Well, well, well, Lysia,

I knew you'd come crawling back. You spent two years throwing TJ Max receipts. Chapstick and gum rappers are chapping me the look who's desperately digging around for me? Now that's right. You thought you were cool. Wait, come back, come back. I'm sorry, Please don't leave me. You have the pennies that don't mean to me, all right? Um? And finally tonight, um, I wanted to wish someone very special a happy birthday. Um. Actually, you guys can join me if you know my Happy birthday to you, Happy

birthday to you, Happy birthday, President Donald Trump. It's t night, it's to night. You wished tom happy birthday. You wish to Mappy by all of you. Yeah, you made his day and you wished him a long life. He's here forever. You guys did that. Today's Donald Trump's seventy six birthday,

But it turns out he can't hear you. You went louder. Yeah, it is his birthday today, but it turns out the haters can't even give the poor man a day off because all week, all week long, the January six Committee has been writing his ask just because he tried to overthrow the governments, and now and now they're even accusing him a fraud just because he asked his supporters for money to set up an election defense fund and then

didn't set up an election defense fund. And yeah, that looks bad, but people don't realize that some of the money went to really important causes. Investigators claim that President Trump raised over two fifty million dollars from supporters to fight election fraud claims, but then funneled the money to himself and his allies, including his son's fiancee, Kimberly Gilfoyle, who has paid sixty thou dollars for a two minute speech introducing Donald Trump Jr. At the January six rally.

God damn Trump took some of the money that he said he was going to use to fight election fraud and paid his son's fiance sixty thousand dollars for a two minute introduction speech, which is such a scam. I don't care what anyone says. That's an even bigger scam than tai Chi. There I'm sorry, who are you going to fight an army of slow butterflies? What is this? What is this whore fighting? I will say, though, this does prove that Donald Trump is a proud feminist. Ally, yeah,

that's right, I said. It's everyone's always complaining that women get paid less for more work. But Trump, no, he's doing everything to close the wage gap. He paid Kimberly Gilfoil for two minutes of work, he paid Stormy Daniels for two minutes of work. Trump isn't breaking the law, He's breaking the glass ceiling. And in case you were wondering what a sixty dollar two minutes speech sounds like, well,

taking listen to some of the highlights. Well, good morning d C, and good morning God, God loving freedom, loving liberty loving patriots that will not that. Then still there's a lotion. Thank you, Resident Trump, who says for law enforcement, for the constitution. And that's so the President when he comes home. That's me love and bless God, God, bless our resident, and ladies and gentlemen, the best is yet. Take time. Okay, okay, okay, no, no, no, now I

understand I understand it. Now. She wasn't paid to speak for two minutes. She was paid to stop speaking off the two minutes. That's what happened there. I can't keep going long. God, no, no, here's your money. He's your money. Don't take the money. Take the money, take the money, take it all, take it all, take it all. Even the wind was like, why, let's be honest people, this was not a sixty dollar speech. I don't care which side you're on. No good speech ends with Don Junior

coming out. That's not a good speech. And you know, once again, as much as people want to be angry at Donald Trump, I feel like this is one of those instances where he is the black light on America's democracy because you see, he didn't invent this scam. Politicians from every party use their campaign funds to enrich their friends. It's just that Trump does it so egregiously that everyone notices it. All. Politicians like, oh, donatus for the fund, it's for this, but no one looks at where the

money goes. Yeah, it's it's just something you pay attention to because of how he doesn't. It's the same way all of us have eaten a grape or two at the grocery store. But Trump's the guy who walks into Whole Foods with a forking knife. You know, it's like, you guys have that best raw chickens. So good, so good. The mid terms, as you probably know right now in America, primary season is in full swing, and the primaries are the elections before the elections that determine what's going to

happen in the elections before the main election. Anyway, last night four states held their primary elections, and it was actually a good night's for Donald Jaberwaukee Trump. You see, in South Carolina, one of the few Republican congressmen who voted to impeach Trump lost badly after Trump campaigned hard against him. Yeah, and that's the weird thing about Trump. He might not remember how to speak English, but he'll

never forget anyone who's done him wrong. And he's probably got like a revenge spreadsheet four hundred rows deep, just sitting there on the computer, like insered row format enemy formula. Mike pants equal is not good, Prince. Meanwhile, in Nevada an election, Denia won the Republican nomination for Secretary of States, which,

by the way, is the office that certifies the election. Yeah, and while that's not great for democracy, it is fantastic news for Donald Trump, because you see, if this guy gets the job, that's like having your boy as your parole officer. You know. It's like, no, no, don't worry, mat alp and mccup. We can't have you going away. Man. We got a party on Friday. The only blemish on the night for Donald was that one of the candidates he endorsed in South Carolina lost, and boy was she sorry.

Another South Carolina race gaining national attention is now decided. Representative Nancy Mace won the District one Republican primary against Trump endorsed candidate Katie Errington. Errington conceded, endorsing Mace and apologizing to former President Donald Trump and to Donald J. Trump, Sir, I'm sorry I couldn't give you the birthday present that I wanted to give to you. But you will always

be my number forty five, my number forty six. You know what, Hi, I don't know why anyone would think Trump supporters are a cult. It's just a normal woman apologizing to Trump for losing her election on his birthday. It's not a cult. This is a very normal thing. Please forgive me, dear leader. So normal, so normal. By the way, what was all that about? You always be my number forty five and my number forty six, because because I I get what she said, but like, I

know Trump was the president. But if she saying that he's still the president, because then he wouldn't be president, he'd still be president. That's confusing. And if I'm confused, you best believe Donald Trump is really confused. Best believe he's probably probably watching that speech, like, wait, so I'm Joe Biden. What a twist? I should call him night chamna Land. But let's move on to some international news coming out of the United Kingdom. America's a stranged Father.

Like many countries around the world, the UK has been dealing with an influx of refugees over the past few years, and usually usually when a refugee flees their country, they have the right to apply to any nation in the world to take them in. But recently, in response to the large number of requests, the UK announced that they've struck a deal with the East African nation of Rwanda to take the refugees that we're trying to stay in

the UK. Yeah, so, in a way, they did the geopolitical version of when your crush says no, I'm sorry, but you should totally date my friend. And now, obviously this arrangement has ruffled a few feathers, and before the UK could deport its first plane full of refugees, the European Court canceled the flights. The first flight of a controversial deportation plan by the UK was grounded at the

eleventh hour. The plane was on the tarmac, it's engines had started, and the cabin crew was seen boarding when the European Court of Human Rights intervened. Under the controversial government plan, anyone who arrived in Brittany legally in this year could be relocated to Rwanda, and once in Rwanda they'll be allowed to apply for asylum there, but not in Britain. Prime Minister Boris Johnson said it is about halting human trafficking. We have to interrupt the business model

of the gags. Human rights groups and church leaders have criticized the plan as immoral. It's a tough story, yeah, because usually when Boris Johnson takes a position, the opposite position is the right one. Yeah. That's why his hair is always like wherever he goes, I'm going the other way. But if I'm being honest. If you ignore Boris, the argument does make sense. Many gangs, smugglers and human traffickers have started abusing the refugee crisis to make money off

of desperate migrants. Right, and so by doing this, people who are genuinely trying to escape a war zone, they have a safe country to go to. But now the smugglers don't have a business anymore. Yeah, because no one's gonna pay you to smuggle them into Rwanda. Yeah, it's true. If the UK wants its immigrants to leave, don't deport them. Just let them marry into the royal family and eventually they'll leave on their own. Long they get something, they

get out. And can I just say, as an African, As an African, I take a little bit of offense when human rights groups in Europe say you cannot send the refugees to Africa. Those are human beings and who lives in Africa get the fat out of here? Man? What does that mean? You know? I let me tell you something. I know. I know some parts of Africa have it tough, but we've also got cities, we've got WiFi. You know, we've also got racist right people, you guys

left them behind acting like we don't got ship. Some of these Europeans think the only hotel in Rwanda is the Hotel Rwanda. Actually they've got a Radisson Radisson Blue. By the way, there's a waffle ba and everything. This is the problem. There's the problem when there's only one well known movie that takes place in your country. You know it's all the people go on. It's like judging France based on Rattatui. Not all the restaurants are run

by rats. Because here Rwanda was trying to do something nice and then now they have to hear everyone talks ship about them. Imagine if you offer to donate a kidney to someone and that person was like, oh, no, thank you, I'm going to see if there's a more developed kidney. We're like, man, go pee blood than bitch. Let's move on to some other news. What do you get when the worlds of fashion, history and celebrity collide. Well, if you guessed Winston Churchill wearing kature at the Top

Gime premiere, you're wrong, But that was a good guess. No, the big controversy that's blowing up the Internet right now is what Kim Kardashian did with Marilyn Monroe's dress, well, one of the most iconic gowns in American fashion, may now be damaged. A Marilyn Monroe collector is making the claim after Kim Kardashian wore a dress belonging to Monroe

to the met Galla last month. The collector says that there are missing crystals and several rips along the zipper on a wore the dress while singing Happy Birthday to President Kennedy in two There's no comment yet from Kardashian or Ripley's believe it or not who lent the dres still Kardashian, You know, sometimes I feel bad for Kim Kardashian when she doesn't wear clothes, people are angry. When she does wear clothes, people are angry. What's a lady to do? But at the same time, Kim, what were

you doing? The Marilyn Monroe dress is a one of a kind piece of American history, a right, it's one of the kind. That's it. The Medgala happens every year. People dressed like hamburgers there. You could have worn anything else, because if you're entrusted with the piece of American history, you've better do everything you can to take care of it. Everything. I mean. Just as an example, I recently bought the

stove pipe hat that was worn by Abraham Lincoln. Yeah, and the reason I bought it is because it's the perfect Nato ball. It's like, holds it really well, keeps it in a nice hight, you know. But you see what you see When I'm done eating nachos out of it, I always make sure it's to rinse it out afterwards, because that's being respectful. Yeah, the man freed the slaves. Come on, y'all. So look, Kim obviously took a big risk with a delicate arts effect and a backfired. But

you know deserves most of the blame here. Ripley's. Yeah, they're the ones who loaned the dress to Kim. And first of all, why does Ripley's believe it or not even own this dress in the first place. A woman wore a dress, Yeah, I believe that. I think I could wrap my head around that concept. But because Ripley's owns the dress, they're in charge of preserving it. So if they told her it was okay to wear it, that's on them, you know what I'm saying, It's on them. Yeah,

like I don't know. I don't know about all the museum rules, what you can use, what you can't do with historical arts facts. I don't know any of that stuff. I only learned it from the story. Like if the Louve called me and they said I could kiss the Mona Lisa for a selfie, I would do it and I would use tongue. So, look, a lot of people are at faults here, A lot of people made mistakes to make up for it. I think Ripley should have to sell the dress to a real museum that'll actually

look after it properly. And Kim Kardashian, well, she has to show up to next year's met Gala wearing some of the other historic items from the Ripley's collection. Yeah, she still pulls it off. I don't know how she does it all right. And finally, like many tech companies who are writing high during the pandemic, Netflix is now

no longer having a good time. They share price has dropped, they lost two hundred thousand subscribers, and it turns out the new comedy special they bought from Dave Chappelle was actually cake. So other than laying off employees, and raising prices. Netflix has to figure out another way to convince us to come back and chill, and so that's why they've decided to pin their hopes on a tried and true franchise. This morning, Netflix says it is turning its smash hit

Squid Game into a reality show competition series. Netflix released a promo announcing casting for Squid Game that challenge. The new show is set to offer the largest cast prize in reality TV history, a whopping four point five six million dollars. Squid Game is, of course, a South Korean series on Netflix. The reality show is looking for English language speakers from any part of the world. Netflix has not announced how they planned to adapt the game, where

contestants competed a series of schoolyard games. Wait wait wait what wait wait wait wait? No, no no, no. If you're gonna make Squid Game and nobody dies, then what's the point. So now I'm just watching people play Red Light, Green Light and Tug of War? What am I a camp counselor? Shoot, I didn't even watch the kids when I was camp counselor, and don't worry, most of them didn't drown. I'm just saying this show was already about a game show, so you don't need to make a game show about it.

You know, if you want to do this, you should take like a normal Netflix show and turn that into a game show that makes most It's like Stranger Things. Yeah. Yeah, you could put a bunch of contestants in the high school and see how long it takes until someone notices they actually twenty five years old. Either way, I'm just saying they're going to find something more interesting than cutting out cookies. Yeah, you know what they should do. One of the challenges should be you have to try to

find the good shows on Netflix. And let me tell you know, half the people are dying in that game. They're just like which menu, Which menu. The Food and Drug Administration has been given the green light to finally approve COVID vaccines for children under the age of five, which means there are a lot of toddlers who are about to be popping apple juice in the club. It's just like I gotta diaper. I'm got well down night, bitches.

And this is also very good news for herschel Walker, because statistically, one out of every five kids in America is secretly his no. But for real, for real. This is great news for parents of young children, because while the rest of us, you know, got vaccines and went back to normal, a lot of parents were stuck in pandemic mode with their unvaccinated kids. Yeah, they were just staring out the window and everyone else having fun, and it was just like, Oh, they're going to the movies again.

I should have used the condom. Now. Of course, if you're not a parent, this is the worst news ever. Because I don't know about you guys, but I've definitely noticed that over the past two years. You know, I haven't heard any kids throwing tantrums in the supermarkets. There's been no toddlers kicking my seat in the movie theater, and there were basically no children screaming on airplanes. Yeah, only those crazy Trump supporters didn't want to wear masks.

What Yeah, when my mommy. But just because COVID is on the back foot right now, it doesn't mean it's not still putting up a fight. Dr Anthony Faucci has tested positive for COVID they one year old Chief Medical Advice for President, but it is fully vaccinated double boosting. He is current like taking the anti viral treatment PACKSLOVID the one year old is only experiencing mild symptoms. We are told he has not been in close contact with

the president and will now work from home. That's right, Dr Fauci has COVID, which feels a little like finding out smoky bag or trapped in the forest fire. It's like, damn, I'm actually I'm actually surprised that Fauci is only getting COVID now and didn't get it, didn't get it while he was like with Trump every day We'll think about every single day. Trump was like, Okay, COVID, jash Force, We're gonna kick off today's meeting by breathing in each

other's mouths for tender fifteen minutes. Jes to get the energy flowing. Anthony, come here, Anthony, opened that beautiful mouth, open way, open up a way. And you know the saddest part, Dr Fauci, And yes, I'm talking to you, Dr Fauci. I know you watched the show. That's the fact that you didn't come to the White House Correspondance dinner. Yeah, the President was there, Kim Kardashian was there, but you didn't come because you said you didn't want to catch COVID.

And then you called COVID anyway. Yeah, probably from some boring government meeting. And she. Let me tell you something, now, people, that's my philosophy in life. I'm vaccinated. So if I'm getting COVID, you best believe I'm doing it in style. Okay, yeah, I'm not gonna get it from some bitch as PowerPoint presentation. No, people who lost me? Trevor, where did you get your COVID? And I'll be like, oh, that was one hell of a night. Oh damn fat believe. I will say, though,

what a big moment for COVID as well. Huh to finally infect doctor Anthony Fauci. I bet COVID was really starstruck when it got in his body. Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god. It's really you. It's really you. Wow. I'm so excited. I need to catch my breath. I need to catch my breath. Oh oh man, Dr foul jimm inside you. This is so crazy. Hold on, I gotta face time my boys. I gotta FaceTime my boys. Yo. Guess whose lungs I mad? I know, I know, and

somehow I'm still taller than I'm This is crazy. Okay, let's move on from the pandemic in people's lungs to the pandemic in America's democracy. Today was the third day of the January six hearings a K A v H. One's Behind the Riots Now. This session focused predominantly on Mike Pence, former vice presidents, and the inspiration behind the white Noise machine, because you see, Trump's entire plan to overturn the election hinged on Mike Pence agreeing to break

the law by not certifying the election results. And today we heard what might be the funniest recounting of the conversation that Trump actually had with Mike Pence where the Vice president would not agree to Trump's scheme no matter how hard the Donald tried. In the book Peril, journalist Bob Woodward and Robert Costa right that the President said, quote, if these people say you have the power, wouldn't you want to? The Vice president says, quote, I wouldn't want

any one person to have that authority. The president responds, but wouldn't it almost be cool to have that power? Vice President is reported to have said, no. Look, I've read this and I don't see a way to do it. We've exhausted every option. I've done everything I could and then some to find a way around this. It's simply not possible. My interpretation is no, to which the President says, no, no, no, you don't understand, Mike, you can do this. I don't

want to be your friend anymore. If you don't do this, you oh man, you know this is this is the part of the paradox of Donald Trump. This is already the paradox, like he has the most terrifying schemes in the world, but he executes them in the most hilarious ways. Because Trump, basically he lives his entire life as if he's the bad kid in one of those anti smoking p s. As you know, it's like, come on, Mike, just try overturning the election. I thought you wanted to

be cool. Also, by the way, if there's one person who you can't entice with cool, it's Mike Pants. He's the least cool man in the world. The man wouldn't even watch the Tenny Tubbies because they don't wear pants. And you know what's crazy about the story Because Trump said it like this. Because he said it like this, you actually believe that it's true. Right, Because if the reports are was that Pence said, sir, we cannot do this, and then Trump said, my interpretation of the Constitution offers

ample precedent, both legal and historical. People be like, yeah, there's no way that happened. That didn't happen. That's not real. But I don't want to be a friend anymore. You're like, yeah, that's that's that's my due, that's my due right there. That sounds like yeah. Also find it crazy that Trump thought they were friends, not coworkers, not acquainted as friends. How how would that even be possible? What do Pence

and Trump have to bond over? Huh? Just hanging out on the weekend, Like, thanks for bringing me to this club, Mike. The music is a little name, but the ladies are looking good. Mr President. It's church. Oh that's why it burned when I walked through the door. Turn leg, get it, turn leg, get it. All right, But let's move on

to some international news. Here in America, global supply chain issues have caused short shuges of everything from tampons to baby formula and even PlayStation fives, which sucks not have to play Elden Ring in my head, Dad is a so hard. But it turns out the global supply chain also affects the globe and right now in Pakistan, the supply chain is coming for an integral part of their

daily life. Pakistani tea drinkers remain divided a day after a government minister urged them to cut down on their daily hotbed bridge as the country struggles within economic crisis. Pakistan's Planning and Development ministers says it's getting increasingly expensive for the country to import tea as supplies outstripped demand.

Tea is a hugely popular drink in the country of two hundred and twenty million people, and the government has to spend about six hundred billion dollars on tea imports every year. The average person in Pakistan is believed to drink out these three cups of tea a day, by the minister called for people to drink one or two cups less per day, sparkling outrage. I knew it, I knew this should have happened. Yeah, people have been running around spinning the tea for the past few years and

now look because a shortage. Are you happy, shade room? Are you happy? By the way? I love how they mix the tea. The rest of us do t boring We're just like they're like wow, wow, wow. And I know people can get outraged about anything, but I'm not gonna lie. It is kind of funny to hear a story about anyone getting outraged over tea. No, because you always think of tea drinkers. It's very calm, tranquil people, you know. But here they're like, you can take my

own grade out of my calas. It's so it's a whild It's like seeing Tom Hanks dropping the F bomb. I mean that's where you know you shop, you know what I mean. But when you understand how popular tea is in Pakistan, it makes sense, right. All of the outrage makes sense. This is part of their nat identity. It's like asking France to cut out croissants or North Korea to stop launching missiles at dolphins. That's just what they do. And I don't know if Pakistan will give

up tea. I mean, they wouldn't even give up bin Laden, you know. But too soon, I will say this. Pakistan's government has to be careful about this. Yeah, Tea shortages are no joke. Just look at America. You see what happens when your people get piste off about tea. At first, there's a tea party, then there's a revolution. Before you know it, there's a great depression. Then you're fighting Vietnam, no one can afford houses, and suddenly you're making a

movie where Ryan Gosling is Bobby Don't do it. Fucking is done, all right, finally. Cities all over the world are always trying to find ways to encourage people not to litter. In Japan, they use collective shame. In Singapore, they'll just whip your ass. In New York, we've just made the entire city one big trash can, so technically it's not even possible to litter. But in Sweden they've come up with something that might be the most effective

method yet, talking dirty in Sweden. Literally, a Swedish city has launched a campaign to encourage people to throw away their trash. Yeah, a couple of trash cans have been installed in our programmed to respond with seductive audio messages after somebody throws away their trash to see Staria m little mantim stillness on glt crumb. Well, I guess now we know what it's like when Oscar the Grouch gets his on. Did not see that coming? Just Just by the way, all the guys who are using that trash can,

I hope you know that it's faking it right. That's probably dudes walking away thinking, oh, I throw good trash. No you don't, No, you don't. It's actually funny how stupid men are with such simple, stupid creatures. This would never work on women. On men, it works, yeah, like we can wear as many ties as we want, but we're just basically stupid animals responding to a mating call. You put a sexy woman's voice and you can literally

get men to do anything. You realize we're being catfished by garbage cans, all right, and we can see that they're garbage cans. But then we hear that sexy voice and we're like, well, maybe not to mention. This is gonna undo a lot of parental lessons about littering. Some ten year old boy is gonna be like, Mommy, I'm going to throw away my empty cop and the moment will be like no, no, no, no, no no, no, no know, just throw it in the lake. Throw in the lake.

It's better that way. You're not ready, and you know who this really isn't grateful as your trash can at home because when it finds out what you've been doing out there in the streets, Oh, it's gonna get super jealous. Well, you're home late, probably because you were out on the streets shoving your trash into that horror Again. You know that anyone can throw trash there, anyone. You're not special. I want a divorce and I'm taking the rotten banana fields.

Whip me before we go. Please come. Sort of supporting out Youth, They're an organization that serves Central Texas l g B, t q I A Plus Youth and their allies with programs and services to ensure that these promising young people develop into happy, healthy What's the Daily Show weeknights and eleven tenth Central on Comedy Central and stream full episodes any time on Paramount Plus. This has been a Comedy Central podcast