You're listening to Comedy Central. We start off like Pele in Brazil. The South American nation held its presidential election last night, and because neither of the top choice has got a majority, they are now going to be having a runoff election at the end of October. Yeah, and then if it's still tied after the runoff, then I
assume they go into penalty kicks. And now the international news, the African nation of Bikina Faso has had another shake up in its government because the military leader who took power in a coup earlier this year has now himself been ousted in a second coup. And I guess he
can't complain, right, what is he gonna say? What gave you the idea that you could just oh but now but now then you guys, now, now the new guy has to be like, Okay, I think we can all agree that this is the exact right number of coolers. Two feels like the right vibe, you know what I'm saying. So my thoughts obviously with the people of Akina Fasso, but also with Donald Trump. Yeah, must hurt some especially bad to see two cups in a row carried out
properly gows up back there in the US. In some legal news, California has officially announced that jaywalking is now no longer a crime. So congratulations to the Californians were like walking places. This is great news for the six of you. And when you do cross the road, remember to watch owever for that bus. Uh well, at least you didn't die committing a crime. All right, Let's move on to some of the biggest stories of the day,
starting with the global economy. I don't need to tell you this, but right now the entire world is teetering on the brink of recession. Don't don't even move you might tip it over. And if you think things are bad for real money, things are even worse for fake money, which is why the n f T market has fallen n from its peak last January, which I'm shocked. Who would have thought paying fifty grand for a picture of a digital monkey was a bad financial move. It's just
it's just so hard to predict this stuff. But yeah, n f T s have collapsed, and now all the board apes have been released back into the wild. I ran over one of my car the other day. It was so tragic. They just are not equipped to be out there in the streets. And it's not just the n f t S. Cryptocurrencies are plunging in value, all of them, Bitcoin, Ethereum, dog Coin, Tether, even Trevor butt Coin, which I made up just now. I made it up in this moment, but it's already lost two billion dollars.
SID is wild, guys. Now as the crypto bubble pops, some major names are now getting in trouble for how they convinced their fans to invest in crypto. Reality star Kim Kardashian has been charged by the Securities and Exchange Commission the SEC for the way that she promoted a cryptocurrency asset on Instagram. She has settled this charge with
the SEC. The SEC says that she unlawfully used her Instagram account to promote a cryptocurrency token and did not disclose to her many many followers that she was being paid two hundred and fifty thousand dollars to do that. The SEC going out there and saying, hey, just because of a celebrity or an influencer says something about a potential financial product, don't necessarily believe it. Yeah, thank you, SEC.
You cannot just trust anything a celebrity cells. I learned this the hard way as the owner of Queen Elizabeth's penis and lodgement spray. It's more of a myth than a spray. Queen rest in peace. But still, by the way, why do I feel like this whole investigation might have been started because someone at the SEC was caught looking at Kim's Instagram. It's such a unique case. Someone was like, someone was like, oh, no, Boston is not what it
looks like. I'm doing an investigation. I wasn't looking at a vocation photos crypto in case you're wondering. By the way, Kim Kardashian has agreed to pay the SEC a fine of one point three million dollars, which is five times when she got paid for the ad. And I mean now the question is how she gonna make up that loss. Well, I'll tell you how with trip butt coin. Trip butt coin.
I know it seems shady, but coin. Oh speaking of scandals, recently, the world of alternative sports has been rocked by some of the craziest cheating allegations you have ever heard. And when I say alternative sports, I mean it. You might remember this, but a chess champ was accused of using anal beads to pick the best moves right. Recently, a poker star has just been accused of using some kind of vibrator to win big hands in games. And now, and maybe my favorite story of all time, accusations of
cheating have rocked the world of competitive fishing. Let's get to a big story now in the fishing community, two fishermen are accused of adding weights to their fish to win a popular tournament. So here's what went down. People in the crowd suspected foul play, and they prompted the fish to then be inspected when the director found multiple lead weight stuffed inside them. Who's got damn those dudes of piste? Do you call the cops? Call them telling
them tolling the fish? Call the cups right now. I haven't seen white dudes this mat about fish since the Disney relauns the Little Mermaid thing. Whish call the cops. But yeah, it turns out apparently two fishermen allegedly stuffed the fish that they caught with lead weights to make the fish way more because apparently the heavier the fish, the more prize money you can win, and in this case, the prize was twenty nine dollars, which is so much money,
you realize. At Long John Silvers you can get a fish with two sides and a drink, and then you can use the rest of your dollars to buy truff butt coin. Truff butt coin, the coin that always comes up tails. You know, if I'm honest, I almost admire the simplicity of the scandal. I really enjoyed this, you know, because in other sportsmen people cheat. It's like, oh, untraceable performance enhancing drugs and this h g H and the
hidden surveillance cameras and secretly hollowed out pieces of differ. Yeah, these guys are just like, so what if we put some heavy stuff in the fish? I understand this. I am sad though about the scandal because when at all costs isn't what fishing is about, all right, Fishing it's about finding Nemo and eating him before his dad can get him back. I like that just said for not a real Nemo. All right. Finally, let's catch up on the latest updates from the war in Ukraine in our
ongoing segments. Lad Gone mad. As we all know, seven months ago, Russia's most famous bowlding troll invaded his neighboring country, and although so far he's only been able to capture about fift of Ukraine, last weekend he announced no backsies. President Putin has announced the annexation of four regions of Ukraine that are partially controlled by Russian forces. It is the biggest seizure of territory in Europe since the Second
World War. Russian President Vladimir Putin, proclaiming victory will be hours after formally announcing the illegal annexation of of Ukraine, joining hands with the leaders of four Russian occupied regions chanting Russia. In a fiery speech, Putin warning he'll do everything possible to defend the Ukrainian territory as his own. That territory of Vladimir Putin insists is now and forever will be Russian. I want the key of authorities, and they're real masters in the West to hear me, so
that they remember this forever. People in new Hands and her Song and Zapariga are becoming our citizens forever. God tear. That's the scariest beginning to a relationship I've ever heard. We're together forever here, I mean, you will be a fifth Nicholas. You will wear it forever. When we see each other, we will pull helps together and see besties forever. This is yet another escalation in the war people. Putin
has declared that this territory is his. Yeah, he invaded, he held a sham election, and then he celebrated by hosting a literal jerk circle. And by the way, by the way, can I just say props to whichever cameraman chose to show the angle that shows Putin as short as he actually is. Yeah, because everyone's like, how tory, that's how he That's yeah, this is what happens. There's your short king. Whoever, whatever that cameraman was, you better have someone taste your food for the next few months.
Oh and by the way, Putin's big day wasn't just about him imposing Russia's will on other countries. No, he also found a moment to deliver a furious rant about how America does it too. Instead of democracy, there the suppression and exploitation instead of freedom, enslavement, violence. America is the only country in the world that has used nuclear weapons twice. When they destroyed the Japanese cities of Hiroshima
and Nagasaki. By the way, they set a precedent with that and earlier launching a tirade against the US and its allies, saying Western nations are moving towards open Satanism. Who wo wo woa whoa America's moving towards Satanism. Relax. This guy walked into one walmart during Halloween suddenly thinks everyone here worships the devil. I can't wait till he comes back. During Valentine's Day, they have naked baby shooting people to force them in love. Reminds me of my
wedding day. Will be honest, But that wasn't even close to being the most interesting part of his speech because what Prutent basically spent a lot of time saying is that people shouldn't complain about what he's doing because the West has also done bad things in the past, you know, and that's disingenuous, you know, it's sort of It's sort of like how if you complain about the leg groom on Spirit airlines, they shut you up by showing you
pictures of other airlines that have crashed. You know. It's just like, oh, I'm sorry you're not comfortable, but you know what you are alive? Now, set your ass down and shut up. By the way, the peanuts are twenty dollars. And here's the weird thing. Putin isn't necessarily wrong Astrix astrix, astrix, aestricx astrix. The West has created the system where people get trapped in perpetual debts and this truth. It's certain countries don't participate in the global order. They get sabotaged
into bending the knee. But that doesn't mean that he's right for what he's doing. You know. This is the thing that that sucks about bad guys. Oftentimes they'll use the truth to justify their evil actions because what part of what he's saying is true. It's like what it's Putin who's saying it's I hate what did that happened? Bag Gass? Is like the real thing, Like like, do I agree that the human population is over consuming and
slowly killing the earth? Yes, I just wish that Fanos wasn't the one that's in it, you know what I mean? And maybe this is what leaders in the West needs to understand. If they don't practice the ideals that they so often preach, madman like Putin will exploit that hypocrisy to justify the evil that he does in his name. All right, that's it for the headlines. But before we go, let's check it on the traffic without very own Roy with Junior everybody, Well, you need to know, Triff, you're
going somewhere. No, No, Roy, not like anytime soon, right like this is just for the people at home right now. I'm still gonna be here for a significant while. I'll be honest, man, I'm scared to talk to you right now because last time you and I had a conversation, you decided to lead a show. Shouldn't you be talking to you? You're liable to leave during the next commercial break. We probably talk to too much right now. No, No, that's not true. Roy, that's not true. And then why
do you bring my name into it? When you quit? You'll lead a show leader show, but you started that, you started the ship last you. Still I was talking to Roy with you, you could have just said, bitch, I'm gone. That's all you had to say was I'm gonna bitch, I'll out if you didn't have to drag my name into it. Not everybody on my Twitter yelling at me thinking that it's my fault that you decided to leave the show and it's not my fault when
the truth didn't matter. You was out the night before we're doing the Peter and you was out there in the streets without singing. Roy, Roy, that that is not how it happens. That is not do not being leave anything you read in the tabloids. Roy, don't don't believe you came in here and then you set me up. You talk to me because you knew you was gonna step down after you had the conversation with me, step
down from the show. Didn't tell no if I didn't even tell Ronnie right, I was standing about just look what you did to run it. Look at Ron's face. He didn't know why. I don't didn't know. I've never seen an Asian disconfused in my life. Run is your friend. You could at least turn to run it. You could have in the running and said Ronnie, you need to get the shout of here. Some ship about to go down. But you didn't do that that year. You didn't do that.
See that that's sick. I understand Trump. Now, we can't be giving these immigrants these jobs because these immigrants you come over and you don't treat the job right. Roy. We we had we had a wonderful seven years together. It has nothing to do with you. You inspired me. If anything it was I was, it was thanking you in a way. That's what's up. You're thinking me and you're just gonna come over me. I think I'm gonna just do traffic. Do traffic today. What you want? What
do you want? You want? You wanna talk about Burkina Faisso if anything, if anything, you can know what the upside to a coup is this like say what you want by the dictator. But at least they stay until somebody forces them out. They don't quit on their friends and then throw their friend under the unders. I can throw you under the bus, Roy And I feel like right now you're being a little dramatic, and we can we can we just talk about the traffic like it's
the talk about track. Let's you know, speaking of it's about you're welcome, thank you, thank you. Legal now that's what you're saying. They say, it's legal now legal. Instead of doing the one thing that everybody should expect you to do, you can just up and turn left and just ruin the flow of everybody else's life without any consideration. It is perfectly legal. Did you go look at me? I'm walking around up. Everybody else is traffic. Roy. Okay, I'm sorry that you feel like I said you were
responsible for me leaving the show. Okay, I'm sorry. I'm also sorry that people are blaming you on social media because, yeah, because you did nothing wrong, my friend, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Yeah, all you did was inspired me to leave the show. So in that spirit, my friend, can you please just do the traffic and do your own damn traffic man.
I'm starting off in Asia this morning, North Korea once again fired a missile over the north coast of Japan into the Pacific Ocean, a provocation that they losted five years ago. And if you're wondering why it was so much time in between launchers, well that's how long it took North Korea to pull the giant rubber band back once again. In labor news, the f A has officially announced that flight attendants must now get an extra hour of mandatory rest between flights. Which is great. Yeah, this
has fantastic. They deserve that hour, and they also deserve someone who will wake them up from their sleep every thirty minutes to asked them if they'd like a drink anything else. Oh, and some big celebrity news from the world of Scooby Doo. After fifty three years, the character Velma has officially come out of the closets as a lesbian. And I'm sure right now that someone was like I was a conservative. Can I just say I am outraged?
Whatever happened to the wholesome family show about a drug addict who got so high he thinks his dog is talking to him? This is this is a great move for representation, although it will make things a little awkward for the villains at the end of every episode all and I would have gotten away with it, Joe if it wasn't for you. Weird kids. I mean not not Velma, You're cool. I'm an ally. I'm just saying that, like a bunch of kids who spend their time solving crimes,
that's weird. I'm not saying it's weird that you you like women, that you live your truth. Girlfriend. By the way, can I say girl Frank and I say, oh boy one, are those cops getting here? Ha ha ha? Oh this is awkward? All right. Some of the bigger stories of the day, starting off with the off the math of Hurricane In. Officials say that nearly half a million people in Florida are still without power and repairing damage to homes and businesses could cost up to seventy five billion dollars.
And because this is Florida, there's one more effect of hurricanes you might not have thought of. Floridians returning to their homes after Hurricane In are facing a new danger alligators. A reminder of what people can't see in the waters. In addition to downpower lines after hurricanes or tropical storms, wildlife like alligators and snakes can wash into communities. Literally right now, there's an alligator right in front of us. So you really have to keep waiting to get in there.
This is about as good a reason why as you should not go in the water. We do not know everything that is in there right now, but we know that that is a problem here. Yeah, that is definitely a problem. Okay, flood waters are bringing alligators and to snakes into people's neighborhoods. I mean, I've heard of gentrification, but the shift in the next level, you know, and of course this was always bound to happen. Remember, alligators live in water. If your place is filled with water,
you can expect alligators too. It's sort of like if you fill your house with beer. Oh, don't be surprised when Brett Kavanaugh shows up. It's still like beer, mom. I won't say I would say. One nice thing about living in America is that if something like this happens to you, everyone sends condolences and offers help. Yeah, because back home in Africa, if you say crocodiles and snakes are being washed into your house, everyone will be like,
what did you do that? Jesus is sending you the criptures. Huh, that definitely is in your life. You need to pray what did you do? I didn't do anything. You did something. But let's move on to the latest news out of Iran. It has been over two weeks since the Iranian people took to the streets protesting the death of Massa Amini, who died in police custody after being arrested for not
covering her hair properly. They claimed. Now, despite the Iranian government attempts to shut the protesters down, the people in the streets are still growing in numbers. This morning, concern of a renewed clashes in Iran's universities after two weeks of unrest and deadly protests sweeping across the country. On Monday, Iran's top technology university was shuddered following an hour's long standoff between students and the police that turned the prestigious
institution into the latest flashpoint. And it's not just college campuses. Resistance in high schools too. Young Iranian girls removing their head job while chanting from their schools a stunning act of defiance and another sign of young women leading the
way in these historic protests. Addressing the latest violence for the first time around, Supreme Leader Ayatolhamane expressed support to the security forces and condemned the riots on Monday, calling a bitter incident and accusing the United States and Israel, Iran's arch adversaries, of orchestrating the disturbances. First off, come on, man, you can't blame the US and Israel for everything. You can't.
It's like, oh, this is because of US, and no, this is Iranians protesting what the Iranian government is doing to them, all right, it's not about America or Israel. I bet this dude comes out of the bathroom at a party like looks like Israel clogged up your toilet. Oh and secondly, can I just say how every single day I'm continuously impressed by the bravery and the tenacity
of the women and the girls in Iran. This is so impressive to see because remember, remember, they are risking their lives protesting a brutal regime which I know for a fact I wouldn't have the guts to do. I won't lie. Yeah, Like like once my mom thought it was a Friday when it was actually a Saturday, and I was so scared to incur her wrath that I just went to school. Yeah, I just hung out alone for the whole day. Somehow I still got bullied. Turns
out the biggest bullies lie within. Anyway, Let's move on to some breaking news about Elon Musk, the man who will save the world or blow it up by accident, could go either way. Every day it seems like the mad genius is in the news for something else. And over the weekend he introduced his vision for the future, a humanoid robot called Optimus, which he says will allow for a future where there is no poverty, which I assume means when the robots kill us all, no one
will be poor. Then Yesterday, the Musk made more news when he got in a beef with the president of Ukraine after Musk posted a Twitter pole asking whether Russia should be allowed to annex parts of their neighboring country and people, Not only is this insensitive a Twitter pole, it's not the place to be deciding the future of a country that basically has the same legitimacy as those fortunate tell of things you used to do in middle school.
You know, was like this says you live in Hawaii and get married to Becky and then invade the don Bass region thing. Elon, But if you thought that was big, this morning, Elon Musk made forty billion dollars worth of news. A dramatic new twist in the Elon Musk Twitter saga. After months of trying to back out, a new report says Musk is now going through with the deal after all. Musk is now reportedly proposing to buy Twitter for the original offer price. Whenberg News reports Musk made the proposal
in a letter to Twitter. He says he'll buy at the original offer price of twenty a share. Musk has been trying to back out of the deal first signed in April. Okay I don't know what the hell is happening here, but apparently the Twitter deal is now back on. Yeah, I mean, I guess we shouldn't be surprised. Elon Musk is notorious for not pulling out of a deal. He stays in there. He's consistent, and you don't want one thing about this story. It just shows you how being
a billionaire so wild. You know, they go back and forth on buying a giant company the way most people move Ultra mini boots back in and out of the Amazon cards, like, are they ugly? Are they chic? Oh? I changed my mind every day follow. On the other hand, this may be the most relatable thing that Ellen has ever done. Everyone does this. They try and leave Twitter with a big announcement, just to come crawling back starting
off with big news. Out of the retail industry, Goodwill, the famous donation store, has launched its own e commerce site where you can buy secondhand items online. Yeah, so, if you're looking to buy a shirt for forty cents but then pay twenty dollars in shipping, you're in luck. This is great, This is great. You know, it's good to see them expanding. They do really good work. But you have to admit thrift shopping online isn't just the
same as doing it in person. You know, you gotta gotta be there to see the patterns, you feel the fabric, you smell that secondhand sweat, just like someone's grandpa. And international news, an irishman just became the first person ever to row a boat from New York City to Ireland. Yeah, it took him four months, but he said it was still better than flying out of LaGuardia like the at Lime tech might be dangerous, but its styles still better
than terminal tree. I oh. In economic news, the Treasury Department has announced that America's national debt has hit thirty one trillion dollars, which, damn, that's a lot of debts your life. The only solution now is for America to marry another country that has good finances. Right, Yeah, Joe Biden needs to go out and give a press conference like hey, hey, Japan, you up. But let's move on some of the biggest stories of the day, starting with
a major milestone in the world of baseball. The only sports that's somehow better on radio. Baseball is a game that treats its records with reverence. You know, all of them from cal Ripkin Juniors, more than consecutive games played, to Joe DiMaggio's fifty six game hitting streak, to Derek Jeta's record of being the only successful guy ever to
be named Derek. But no stat is more revered than the home run, and last night, Yankees outfielder Aaron Judge smashed his name into the record books with the swing of his mighty bat. Yankee superstar Aaron Judge loved his way into history sixty two. It took until the one hundred sixty first game of the season, but number nine has finally edged his name in the record books. Aaron Judge passes the great Roger Maris to break the record for most home runs in a single season by an
American League player. Ball was caught by Corey Humans of Dallas, a vice president at Fisher Investments. He said he hasn't decided what he's gonna do with the souvenir, which could be worth a couple of million dollars. There's a feel good story for you. I'm glad things are finally working out for that executive at investment firm. That's what the game is all about. Up for you, buddy, good for you.
But yeah, huge congratulations to Aaron Judge. Right, with just one game left to go in the season, he broke the American League home run record set by Roger Marris all the way back in think about in sixty one. That is a long ass time for a record to stand. I mean back in you understand how long ago that was. America didn't have a Voting Rights Act and abortion was illegal.
Very different times now. To be clear, this is just the American League home run record, right, not the old time record, but some people think it should be because everyone who's above Eron Judge on the list was busted for taking performance enhancing drugs. And whether you like it or not, this is a complicated issue because every player, whether they took steroids or not, has some advantage over players from other errors. You know, like Babe Ruth, he
didn't have access to modern medicine. Yeah, he pulled a muscle. The team doctor would be like, heir, smoke doesn't pack of cigarettes. If that doesn't work, I'll prescribe you so much. Bestars go on out there, buddy, you know, if if I'm being honest, though, I don't know why we celebrate home runs in the first place, because to me, all that happened is that you just lost the ball. Yeah,
and now we've got to get a new ball. That's like what ten dollars with sixty two homers, That ship adds up, Aaron, and I don't know if you've heard about America's thirty want training in debt. We should we shouldn't be handling this ship and kind of thord it's getting the board out there. You know who we should be celebrating. We should be celebrating the batches who missed the ball completely so we can keep using it. Those people are the real heroes. I'm really fun at parties.
All right, let's move on. It's a public healthy news. You know how the food you buy has an expiration dates on it, Yes, and if the food is post that date, then you throw it out unless you're a single guy, and then just eat it anyway. Well, soon there might not even be a date at all. New this morning concerns about global food waste or leading countries
to rethink best before labels on food. Major UK grocery chains have already removed best before labels, and the European Union is expected to revamp its labeling laws by the end of the year. Best before labels are different than used by and have nothing to do with safety. Critics say they could cause people to throw away perfectly good food. Yeah,
thank you, that's a great idea. No, no, I'm I'm people throw out perfectly good food all the time because they think that best by means goes bad after when it doesn't. All right, And that's not just bad for the planet, it's an insult to the plants and the animals you get the food from. You're gonna toss away some perfectly fine cheese after a cow has worked so hard to pee it out of its four penises. Educate yourselves, and look, I do get that best before and used
by all confusing. I do get that, But it's not that hard to understand. It's um it's sort of like like guawk. Yeah, think of it this way. It's best before you run out of chips, but you can still use it by dipping your finger and when no one's looking. Did I clear that up? Yeah? First anyway, I'm glad. I'm glad they're getting rid of the best by dates because if you ask me, all they need is the worst by date. That's all you need. Yeah, that's that's
all I want to know. When is the date that this food is going to turn my butt into a super soca? Anything before that is fine, I don't care. Fine. Finally, let's move on to some entertainment news. One of the biggest shows right now is HBO's House of the Dragon. Everybody's loving it. And now, obviously this is a prequel to Game of Thrones, which itself was a prequel to Friends. I'm not gonna get into the timeline, not gonna get into the timeline, but Russ and Rachel are siblings. It's
a whole thing. Anyway. A lot of people were so disappointed in the Game of Thrones finale that they said they weren't ever going to watch the House of the Dragon. But now even the people watching House of the Dragon are complaining that they can't watch House of the Dragon. HBO's House of Dragon is a very dark show thematically, right, but how dark does it have to be visually? Fans of the show show they're dismazing it was actually too dark to even see what was going on in the
scene during the show. Blaming the ivan budget. Now, the HBO Max Twitter helpline was flooded with tweets from irritated fans, and the network kind of brushed off the criticism. They offered a boilerplate response on Twitter that read the quote, dimmed lighting of the scene was an intentional creative decision. What this was an intentional creative Look. Look, I'm not
Steven Spielberg or Barry Jenkins. I haven't directed anything. But in my opinion, if your intentional creative decision is that people can't see the TV show that you're making, then you're making a podcast. All right, that's what you've me. That's not TV. Not see it, that's not TV. That's a podcast. House Up Dragon, brought to you by Casper Mattress. But for real, have you guys noticed how this is happening on every single show these days? Everything on TV
so dark you can't see anything. I don't know why. Oh, they're trying to make it grittier. They they're trying to make it like feel like a movie or you know, or maybe maybe they figure if they make it dark enough, then we can't complain about the cost not being diverse. You like, I think that's another white person and I guess someone to let it slide. Mm hmmm. And right now, right now, HBO is facing a lot of backlash. But I think if they're smart about this, this could be
a good business opportunity for them. Yeah, they should just add a higher priced here. Yeah, I think about it. They should say, HBO max is month. If you want to be able to see what is happening, which one you looked at for? Huh huh. And by the way, if you think it's bad watching a scene that dark, put yourself aside for a moment and just imagine how tough it must be for the characters who are in
those scenes. The time has come, Lord Valerian Fust to unify the houses and to you, Sir Christen, I beg of the so Christian? That wait? Is that so christ Is that so Christian? Who is that? Jeff? Is that you? Does? Does someone have a torch or an iPhone light that can shine? No? Well, okay, just at least tell me is this a fighting scene or a sex scene? I don't know that. I don't know if. Okay, I'm just gonna stumble around with my sword out at my penis outside.
We'll see what happens. Okay, let's let's try this. Everybody let's try this. Here we go, Here we go, Gas the only character to appear in every Fast and Furious movie. Gas prices have been falling in America for months now, but it looks like that's about to end, and just in time to throw a big, greasy wrench into the midterms. A win for Russia and potentially higher gas prices for
American consumers. The Opeque plus Alliance of oil producing countries announcing deep cuts in production to boost prices for their members, including Russia and Saudi Arabia, growing concerns about the future of gas prices in the US. We could see an increase in price is by the end of this month, just in time for midterm elections, the worst possible timing for President Biden. This comes just three months after the President visited Saudi Arabia, the biggest player in OPEK. Biden
fist bumped NBS and asked him to increase oil production. Instead, Saudi Arabia did the opposite. Yes, America's ally, Saudi Arabia has decided to take sides with Russia and raise oil prices. And at this point I'm already struggling to understand the relationship between America and Saudi Arabia because it seems like a very one sided friendship. America sells them weapons and ignores their many human rights abuses, and then Saudi Arabia is like, and in the return, we will kill your
journalists and radio gas prices and do ninety elevens. Thank you, my friend, thank you. We are such good friends, such good friends. But I guess that's the power you have when you're in control of all the energy, all right, I mean, America can't even threaten the Saudias. What's Biden gonna say? If you raise the prices, will fly over there and bump the ship out of you. If you could just lend us some gas and feel about jets,
that will be great. We can't get there. And whether you're a Democrats or a Republican, you have to admit that this is not a good look for Biden because think about it, he had to fly all the way across the world to fist bump the Crown Prince, and in exchange he gets a pie in his face. Honestly, sometimes I feel like the Saudias are just pranking American presidents, you know, Like you remember how they were with Trump. They were like here to do this sort dance. Dance
with the sorm dance. Now, put your hands on the glowing arm. Oh my god, he's doing it. Guys, he's doing it. He's doing it. Americans are so thirsty. Now. If we had time, we could talk more about how Saudi Arabia could be raising gas prices right before the mid terms to punish Biden for running his mouth. Or we could talk about how America has painted itself into this corner by pushing both Venezuela andy Ron so far out of the world economy that they can't help stabilize
world oil prices. We could even talk about how gasoline comes from dinosaurs, which is crazy. But we don't have the time to talk about any of that, because while Saudi Arabia is coming for your wallets, drug dealers are coming for your kids. Urgent Halloween warning, rainbow fennyl. This is every parent's worst nightmare. In New York City, fifteen thousand rainbow fednyl pills ceased from a car just days ago,
many of them found in this yellow lego box. The d e A calling rainbow fentanyl a deliberate effort by drug traffickers to drive addiction among kids and young adults, but medical specialists contacted by ABC say there has not been evidence presented that the pills are being given to or targeted towards children. No, the children, not the children. They're being targeted, although there's no evidence of that. But
what if there was the children? What is it about American news that every year they find a new story to scare parents about Halloween? Every single year in this country. Oh, they're gonna put raising blaze in the candy, They're gonna poison the candy, They're gonna switch out the real candy for wheed. It's almost like every single October the news is like, well, this Halloween, we're gonna go as a
gullible grandma who believes every actually reads on facepark. Yeah I heard that if your hand is bigger than your face you have cancer. What are you doing? People need to stop fearmongering, Alright. The worst thing anyone gives to kids on Halloween's on Halloween is like like a mound's bar. That's it. Yeah, thost things are so bad. Even the company that makes them is like, well, let's just name it after a big pile of dirt. Why not, because
let's let's play along with this logic. Let's play along. What are you saying. You're saying that drug dealers are trying to get little children addicted to drugs, So then what they can use the millions they've made from the tooth ferries to keep the drug business alive. Huh, drug dealers one customers not dependents. These kids don't have the money for fencil. Well, they're gonna be walking up to your drug dealer. I can pay you in stickers, but
not the glitter ones. Those are my favorite. And don't cut that ship like the last time, Marty, I want the pure stuff. It's a fearmongering. I'm not I'm not saying the drugs onto an issue. I'm saying stuff fearmongering to the parents. Right, I see why this is happening right now. Rainbow fencinel is the heart new panic drug and people. I know rainbow fencinel is scary, but can we just take a minute to congratulate it for being an ally Huh, cocaine. Maybe your white ask could learn
a thing or two about that white all the time. Now, if we had the time, we could talk more about how American news organizations are some of the worst offenders and sensationalizing and fueling the war on drugs because their stories ensure that public support for a program that has decimated communities and incarcerated half of the United States carries on.
But we don't have the time for that, because while local news is trying to pump up the drug wall, Joe Biden is trying to undo some of the damage it's caused. We're breaking news at this hour. President Biden just pardoned thousands of people convicted of marijuana possession under federal law, and the pardon will intact about sixty hundred people with the simple marijuana possession convictions between the years.
He's also asked in the Secretary of HHS to review how we classify cannabis marijuana in this country, pointing out if the marijuana is classified on the same level as heroin, he wants his administration to take another look at that. Too many lives have been upended because of our failed approach to marijuana. It's time that we right these wrongs. Yes, finally, this is something that should have been done a long time ago. You know, can you imagine how many people
are incorcerated even worse? Can you imagine getting pardoned for this offen scene. How mainstream weed has become in America, I mean, which is probably feel the same way. You know. It's like, oh, so these hampster change can walk around Brooklyn with their candles and crystals, but when I did in Stalem, I got burned. Bitches, I got burned. But yes, this is great for America. This is really good for America. And it's also huge. It is a huge week for
the characters on Scooby Doo. Think about it. Yeah, first Velma comes out as a lesbian and now Shaggy's getting a federal pardon. What. And I know everyone is saying that Joe Biden is just doing this to boost his popularity before the mid terms, But in my opinion, I think maybe this thing hits closer to home. I wouldn't be surprised if Joe Biden secretly a huge pothead. Yeah, no, think about it, think about it. Think about it. Joe
Biden can smoke a lot of weed. Yeah, he's he's always pottering around like he forgot where he was going. You know, he's wearing sunglasses everywhere he goes. I mean, he definitely talks like he's highs American. You know the thing. I'm I'm just like no, I'm not joking. Come on, man, come on, wait, we're here now, when the futures everywhere,
it's everywhere is here. Now. If we just had a little more time, we can discuss why anyone anywhere in America splin jail for something that almost everyone agrees isn't a crime. Oh, we could talk about how convenient as it is that we does no longer bed not that American has figured out how to make money from it. But we don't have the time for that, because while the US are showing signs of finally getting over its obsession with drugs, Elon Musk is unveiling his master plans
to get everyone addicted to something else. After a few contentious months, Elon Musk and Twitter seemed to have reached a deal, and Musk is now poised to buy the social media app must tweeting last night. His purchase on Twitter will be part of his plans for an app called X, a so called super app that acts as a condensed version of the Internet, letting you do everything within one app. The best example of this is we Chat. It's owned by Chinese Internet giant ten Cent and has
over one billion users, mostly throughout Asia. We Chat let's you send text messages, pay for things online and in stores, hail a car ride, play video games, and so much more. Must telling Twitter employees in a town hall over the summer. We Chat could be a model for future versions of Twitter. Yeah, Elon Musk wants to turn Twitter into a super app that does everything in one place. And I will tell you know, I hate that idea. I don't want Twitter to do more things. I like how it works now.
Every day the entire world picks one person and destroys their life, and then the next day we find somewhere else. It's perfect. It works pretty well, coming for real. But like, Twitter is such a toxic sewer, why would you want to link it to all the other parts of your life. It's like a businessman saying, hey, you see this trash can. What if it was also your car? And not to burst anyone's bubble. But we already have this all right,
It's called an iPhone. Seriously, are we so lazy now that we're like, oh, I want to order someone to bring me food, but the app is all the way on the other side of the phone, and my thumb is so tired. I'm look, if we had a little more time, we could talk, and we could have so much fun talking about how Elon Musk thought he was trolling all of us but instead just spend forty four
billion and dollars trolling himself. And I know you might be saying, oh, yeah, well he still owns Twitter, Trevor, Yeah, and somebody owned my Space. I'll see you guys on the next half. But we don't have the time to talk about any of that because someone somewhere in the world says something by mistake, and now all of us on Twitter are gonna try and destroy their lives before we go. Before we go, please consider supporting the Alejandre Foundation.
They're an organization that helps the Latin community access mental health therapy services, so if you want to support them in this important work, then please donates at the link below. The Daily Show with Trevor no ears editions. Subscribe to The Daily Show on YouTube for exclusive content, and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount Plus. This has been a Comedy Central podcast