This Week's Top Stories | Elon Musk Buys Twitter For $44 Billion

twenty cents. In a statement released by the company, Mr Musk said free speech is the bedrock of a functioning democracy, and Twitter is the digital town square where matters vital to the future of humanity are debated. This is a dramatic turn of events from earlier this month, when Twitter is that to decline, Musk offer think it's so called poison pill to block in. That's right. People. Twitter said it would never sell to Elon Musk, and then he

produced the cash and they're like, all right, we'll sell. Yes, I guess they found that edit button after all. It's actually kind of a historic moment. This is the first time anyone at Twitter has changed their mind about anything well done. I think that Twitter was always gonna sell to Elon though, right this couldn't be too eager about it.

You know, it's like a like a husband and a wife where it's like, ah, I am not going to that wedding, forget it, it's not gonna happen, and then three months later it's like, how does my boatie look? How does it do? Think it looks good? Do you think it does? I honestly don't know why Elon would want to own Twitter, all right. It just doesn't seem like a fun place to supervise right now. You know, it's like buying Jurassic Park after the power went down

and the cages are opened. Yeah, you're gonna spend a lot of time replacing jeep windshields. That's what I'm saying. But the truth is, look, in many ways, this is a really smart move by Elon Musk because wealthy men know the value in owning publishing platforms. Yeah, that's why Jeff Bezos bought the Washington Post. That's why Rupert Murdoch bought the Wall Street Journal. It's why Confucius owns those

fortune cookies. Yeah, yeah, because you see, then he knows that none of us will play his lucky numbers in the latto. That's genius. So you see, by buying Twitter, Elon Musk gets to own one of the most culturally influential publishing platforms in the world. I mean to remember this, think about it. Twitter is how the Arab Spring took off. Right. Black Lives Matter blew up on Twitter, the Me too

movement started on Twitter. Trump used Twitter to turn himself from a reality show joke into the President of the United States and a joke. So owning Twitter gives you more power than the drug store employee with the key to the deodoran shelf. Yeah yeah, you want to smell fresh, you best not pisto off Curtis, don't play around, will

shut you down walk around smelling musty. So here's the thing. Look, whether you are for Elon Musk or against him, you've got to admit it is pretty crazy that one man is now in control of all of that because before this, Jack Dorsey didn't own Twitter. A lot of people think he didn't know he had two percent of the shares, and even a CEO he s led to answer to the board, and the board stiled to answers to the shareholders and Twitter itself still had to answer to the SEC.

But now as a private company, it's just Elon Musk. Yeah, everything that happens on Twitter from now on is up to him. And also whatever strain his weed guy gives him that day. I'm just saying, if he gets the wrong cetiva, there could be a race war. People prepare yourselves like this is the thing, whether it's a billionaire you like or a billionaire you hate. As a society, I think we should spend more time interrogating how easy it is for billionaires to shape our world in their favor.

Just think about it. You like it now, you don't like it now? But should they be able to do it? Oh no? But let's move on from Twitter to a real battlefield, the invasion of Ukraine. Since before the invasion began, the United States has tried to put pressure on Russia using economic sanctions, which is basically taking away your allowance but for countries, and the US government has called to wide nets. It's gone off to Russian officials, oligox companies, banks,

and of course Vladimir Putin himself. But it turns out there's one high profile Russian who has somehow avoided becoming a target. A new report explains why the US has so far refused to sanction Vladimir Putin's girlfriend and the mother allegedly of his three or three of his children. The U s government has considered but then pulled back on sanctioning and a woman long removed to be Putin's girlfriend,

the Russian gymnast Alena Kabeva. This is something that I was deemed so sensitive that they decided to hold off because they believed that Pluputin's response could be so irrational, so angry, um that there would be some sort of backlash. Wow, this is interesting. Well, the US government has sanctioned everyone except Putin's girlfriend. I guess they watched the oscars and they were like, maybe we should stay away from spouses just the declared safe and before we get into the

sanctions or not sanctions. Am I the only person who shocked that Vladiman Putin has a girlfriend? Am I the only one? Like? If there's any man out there who has some red flags, girl, let me tell you about flag. Yeah. I know some people like a bad boy, but this is next level, like this bad and then this genocide. Okay, also Putin must be relieved that the US is not sanctioning his girlfriend, because, let's be honest, sanctions take a relationship to a whole new level. You know, that puts

a lot of pressure on the relationship. Can I always tell my friends sanctions in a relationship wolf? Oh yeah, it's a lot of pressure. Yeah, I'm sure Putin was relieved. You know, he can't have America being more serious about his relationship than he is. Can you imagine how Pistie's girlfriend would be? Is just like, let the how come America treat me like your wife? But you still will

not let me keep toothbrush? Amblin huh vlood dish. Though a little over a year ago, thousands of Trump supporters stormed the Capitol Building in an attempt to stop the election from being certified, and they wanted to declare Donald Trumps super president forever, no backseas. Now, what we're surprising is that by and large the Republican Party has decided not to hold any of that against Donald Trump. And I mean, let's be honest, how can you stay murder

dispace ya ya ya. But the Capital riot, it wasn't even the scariest thing that happened on January six, Because you see, my friends, we're now finding out that something else happened that day. Countless Republicans seem to have had their memories erased. I know it sounds crazy, but but okay, look at what happened to Kevin McCarthy, the leader of the House Republicans and guy who has definitely called rap music the hippote hop. He's one of Trump's firmer supporters.

Never waived in public even after January six. So when New York Times reports that McCarthy had privately told colleagues that he thought Trump should resign, he denied it fiercely. He had no memory of saying anything like that. And then the tapes dropped. I've had it with this guy. What he did it unacceptable. Um, nobody can defend matter. Nobody's defender. I meant I would have with him is that it would be my recommendation you should be gone.

It is my recommendation that he should resign. But yet McCarthy's memory of that call was completely wiped. Yeah, on January tenth, he was all, I've had it with this guy. And then two weeks later he was chilling at Mara lago. Yeah, dude, quit Trump the way most of us quit Twitter was like, I'm deleting this app. Actually I'm not gonna delete it, but I won't check it again until right now. Twe

twee tweet, did you miss me? And by the way, a lot of people were wondering if getting caught on tape slamming Donald Trump would be the end of Kevin McCarthy's political career. I mean, this is Trump's party, you know. If Trump comes out against him, that's it. It's over all. It takes is one crying Kevin betrayed me, and it's done. But instead Trump came out and said he and McCarthy are fine. In fact, he said, I think it's all

a big compliment. Frankly, they realized they were and supported me. Yeah, you see, Trump loves this stuff. In fact, if you used to be against him and now you're not, he likes those people more than someone who loved him the whole time, because it shows that he made you bend the knee. Yeah, the dude loves converting people more than scientologists and vegans combined. Let me tell you something now, if Hillary Clinton herself came out right now as pro Trump.

I don't care what anyone says. Let me tell you right now. She would be his new favorite person. He'd be like, do we love Crooked Hillary, folks, do we love her? There her out let her out let her out so good, so good. I love her. I love her. She was so cheeky, used to be cheeky. So yeah, Kevin McCarthy completely forgot what he said on and around January six. But it's not just him. Take Rick Perry,

Trump's energy secretary. A few months ago, CNN reported that Perry was the author of a text message laying out a plan for overturning the election, and Perry said, absolutely not, it never happened. But then today CNN got hold of the complete message and it's actually signed Rick Perry. Yeah. I don't know what's worse, the fact that he was part of an insurrection or the fact that he signed his text message. That's such an old person thing to do.

It's worse than when my grandfather bought a bigger TV because he thought it would fit more channels in it. So look, obviously something happened to Rick's memory too. But as worried as I am for those guys people, I am really concerned about Marjorie Taylor Green, congresswoman from Georgia and soccer mom who's definitely slatched the other team's bus hires. You see, a few of mtgs constituents have filed a lawsuit to disqualify her from Congress based on her role

in January six. Yeah, apparently there's something in the constitution that says you count run for office if you do an insurrection against the government. You know how people are crazy ideas back then and now, look, we all know it's probably not gonna work. But Marjorie Taylor Green was still forced to testify at a hearing on Friday, and it looks like nobody has been hit harder by January six amnesia than her. You didn't talk to anybody in government about the fact that they were going to be

large protests in Washington on January six. I don't remember he spoke to Representative Biggs or his staff about that fact, didn't you? I do not remember. How about Representative go Sar, Sorry, I don't remember. Did anyone ever mention to you the possibility that there might be violence in Washington? I don't remember. Ms Green. This is a tweet that you sent out on January second two one correct, I'm not sure. Okay,

you don't recall this. I don't recall tweeting that. Now, did you advocate the President Trump to impose martial law as a way to remain in power? I don't recall. You don't recall if you wanted to impose martial law? You don't. Wow. I wish I had morder each other Green's memory. Yeah, I once said enjoy your dinner to a waiter in two thousand three, and I still think about it every day every day. Enjoy your dinner, and you enjoy your dinner. Kill me. Meanwhile, she can't even

remember if she told the president to impose martial law. Yo, yo, let me tell you something that should be an easy one for most people. If you ever asked the president to impose martial law, you would never forget something that's specific, Like if anyone can't say no to doing something that specific and weird, you definitely did that. Ship Um, I h Have I ever tried to steal a horse and

ride it inside a bouncy castle? Um, your honor, I do not recall, um, but you gotta admit that sounds like something A pretty cool guy would do right, right, members of the jury, Right, yeah, but if it's not cool, then I do not recall. Yeah, I don't remember. So Marjorie Taylor Green spent the entire hearing denying that she had any memory of anything to do with January six.

But it turns out, my friends that they may be acute to the same nisia, because one thing that can bring it back, even if just for a little bit, is evidence. And in another moment, Taylor Green first denied that she had called how Speaker Nancy Pelosi a trader to her country, before kind of hedging a little bit when faced with actual evidence of saying it. In fact, you think that Speaker Pelosi is a traitor to the country, right,

you're I'm not answering that question of speculation. You've you've said that, having you in the screen, that she's a trader to the country. No, I haven't said that. Okay, put up plants Exhibit five please, oh no, wait hold on now oh no no wait wait wait wait wait, no, no no no, no, Now that you've busted me, I remember the whole thing. Yeah, yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no, yeah,

I remember it now. I love that. Yes, that's that's when you tell your mom, yeah, I did my homework and she's like, oh yeah, yeah, well let me show it to me. And you're like, oh homework, Yeah, I thought you meant my work at home. I'll do that now. Thank you mom for reminding me. Yeah, no, thank you so much for that. Look, man, I mean, clearly this person is unqualified for Congress because politicians are supposed to be good at lyne Okay, this was just embarrassing. Okay.

In my defense, I didn't know you had evidence. I mean, I never have evidence for the stuff I said. I didn't even know that was the thing you could do. Keep in mind, people, this stuff only happened a little over a year ago. It's not like they're being asked to remember their prom dates eye color. These are trick questions. But nobody in the Republican Party can seem to remember planning the insurrection, or talking about it, or even how they felt about it at the time. Kevin McCarthy, Marjorie

Taylor Green, Jim Jordan's. The list goes on and on. When it comes to the events surrounding that day. It's almost like it's and e race from their memories, which is obviously ridiculous, unless on the next season of Severance, did you talk to the White House about trying to overturn the election? I do not remember. It's one thing to forget work, Governor. The same McCarthy simply doesn't remember

what he said about Mr Trump's culpability call. You're talking about Jim Jordan's can't seem to remember when he talked to Trump on January six. I don't know if I spoke with him in the morning or not. I just don't know when those conversations happened. But what if an entire political party it couldn't remember January six? Did you talk with other congressmen about overturning the election? I have no idea. That's a perfect score. Sometimes it's just easier

to forget. Hello coming to Apple TV plus this fall, the continuing saga of Twitter and Elon Musk. Right yesterday, the Tesla CEO and man who has definitely made love to a robot officially purchased Twitter, setting off a wave of take so hot they burned off my eyebrows and I had to draw them back on. Everyone was going crazy.

Twitter is over, Twitter is back. Twitter killed Jeffrey Epstein but one of the biggest takes came from former Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey, who gave Musk his stamp of approval, saying, I trust his mission to extend the lights of consciousness. And I'll be honest, people, I have no idea what that means. Yeah, but Jack's clearly on that billionaire speak. Yeah. Now, I feel like after you reach a certain networth, you just start talking like a stone Jedi. You know. It's like,

what do I want for lunch? My hunger cannot be satiated for I crave justice, So turkey sandwich, Turkey sandwich. But all jokes aside. Jack Dorsey is a great guy and I wish him a safe journey back to his home planets. Um. But not everyone is a chill. Yeah. A lot of Twitter uses flat out said that they're going to leave the site. That's how much they hate the idea of Elon Musk owning it, to which Ellen replied, I hope that even my worst critics remain on Twitter,

because that is what free speech means. Yeah, it was really beautiful, and I hope I hope that he means that. I really do. I mean, but don't forget this is a guy who once personally canceled a bloggers Tesla order because of something they wrote about him. So I'm just saying, yeah, you know, he has nice intentions, but when you have the power to be petty on an epic scale, the temptation to do it can be really hard to resist. I don't even blame him. I think it will happen

to him, like if I bought Google. If I bought Google, you best believe I would abuse those auto fills. Yeah, especially especially around like Emmy voting season. You'd be like on Oliver will be like Children's wig collector, Stephen Colbett HiT's a Run, Trevor Noah saves puppies. How did that happen me? No? No, I just yeah, I just had to because Stephen Colby hit the owner and then I had to. You know. It's just one of those things.

But of course, the person everyone was waiting to hear from was the former king of Twitter, who would still be the king if the throne hadn't been stolen from him. I'm talking about Donald Jetski Trump. You see, after getting kicked off of Twitter, Trump started his own service called truth Social. But now that Ellen owns Twitter, everyone wants to know if Trump will come back, and yesterday the

Tangerine Dream responded someone not on Twitter, Donald Trump. A little over a year ago, the former president was banned from the site, but even with new ownership, Trump told Fox News he will not rejoin and instead stick with his own social media platform. I am not going on Twitter. I am going to stay on Truth. I hope Elong buys Twitter because he'll make improvements to it and he is a good man. But I am going to be

staying on Truth. President Trump this weekend Saturday night at his rallies, touting his social media platform, Truth Social, and it's plans to take on big tech censorship. Because of this digital tyranny, we had to give the American people their voice backed by building something called Truth truth Sential, Truth Social. Oh man, did this guy just called Truth Social Trust Central? What was that? Man? You had one job. One job, it's your social media platform, and you messed

up the name. It's almost like every time Trump speaks his own mouth stages in insurrection. That's what happens inside there. But yeah, Trump insists that he is not going back to Twitter. He's going to stick with Troops Socoe, which so far has been a total bust. Apparently the app only has five hundred thousand daily users, and to put it in perspective, Twitter, the thing that it's supposed to

be replacing, has two hundred and seventeen million daily users. Yeah, so truth Social is competition for Twitter, the same way that Gown the plane was competition for Mike Tyson. Also, it doesn't vote well that Trump himself has only posted on truth Social one time ever. Yeah, and that was two months ago. Think about how crazy there is people. When he was on Twitter, Trump pets in like what fifty tweets every time you went to the bathroom. But

now he hasn't posted in two months. I'm just saying, man, somebod needs to get this guy some prunes, you stack. He's in trouble now. Apparently this has been an interesting part of the story. Apparently a lot of Republicans are secretly thrilled if Trump would never come back to Twitter. Yeah, because they don't like the marama that he would create. And and it makes sense. Do you remember do you remember what it was like when he was on Twitter?

All right? He would say something you tweet something random, like Congress should make it illegal to speak Spanish. And then old day reporters would be tracking down Republican senators in the whole way. Remember they chased them like do you agree with the president that it should be illegal? Just make Spanish? And then the senators would have to come up with new ways to answer without answering you know, you know, because always those weird press conferences. Remember they

have to evade the questions without angering Trump. It was always him in the whole way. Is just being like an inundated like the people be like, uh, did I see what what the president tweet? And will? I have seen Twitter as a company, and I have seen the president as well, and I would love to comment on this particular tweet, but I'm about to eat this shrimp which will give me a severe allergic reaction. Sorry, I

can't talk. I'm dying. I'm dying throw closing up. Thank you very much, No more comments, I'll be honest though. The only reason I would want Trump back on Twitter the only reason because I know, yes, it would probably lead to another term and it would destroy the country. But I just I just really want to see his WORDLD scores to see him. Can you see him? Every day? Being like how could trunk child not be a word.

I use it all the time. As you know, it has been nine weeks now since Vladimir Putin decided the best way to improve his international standing was to gently slide not into Ukraine's d MS, but into the entire Eastern region. And since then the whole world has been trying to figure out what to do. How do you respond to a madman who has nuclear weapons in his

back pockets? And the world tried everything. Tried sanctions, tried cutting off Putin from international trade, tried blocking his PlayStation profile sore he couldn't play Fortnight. And now finally some countries have taken it to the next level, with Germany sending tanks to Ukraine. Yeah, which the Russians have called a major escalation sh And I'll be honest, I agree with Russia on that. It is an escalation. You know, whenever German tanks show up to anything ships about, it escalates.

German text never show up and people are like, all right, it showed now, Yeah, you know what it's like. It's like when a black woman takes off her earrings. There's no way things are cooling down from there. Whatever you did wrong, you are about to pay. But Russia is also doing their own escalations by turning off some of Europe's heats overnight, a drastic move Russia cutting all gas

deliveries to Bulgaria and Poland to NATO members. This comes after Putin's ultimatum last month demanding that quote unfriendly nations pay for gas and Russian rubles. Poland's prime minister not backing down, saying we will be able to protect our economy, protect our households and polls against such a dramatic step

by Russia. Bulgarian officials say they are working with state gas companies on alternative sources, while Poland says it has been working for years to produce its reliance and sun Russian gas and there wouldn't be a shortage of gas in Polish hounds. Things are getting tense. Yeah, Russia says no more gas for Poland than Bulgaria, and then response Poland Bulgaria like screw you, we don't need your gas, we have our own. And then just to prove the points,

Poland Bulgaria posted selfies of themselves surrounded by gas. Yeah, classic breakup behavior. But this is the thing that's gonna suck for Russia. Their main leverage is that their gas provides Europe's heat, but as the months get warmer, the

negotiating power goes down. You know. It's the same way your gym teacher has all the power over YouTube make push ups, like what you're gonna do during the school year, but let me meet you over the summer vacation, and all of a sudden, it's like, you have no power here, Mr Papadopoulos. Why don't you do push ups? Bitch? He's like, I'll see you in September, but I'm here now. So you know what, good for Poland and Bulgaria because most

European countries are still buying Putin's gas. Yeah, many of them say they can't help it, which you have to admit is a little weird. You know. It's like if the people of Gotham were obsessed with the Joker's taco truck. You know, it's like, look, I mean, this guy is definitely a super villain, but have you tried his Alpa store? I mean, it is amazing. Here's the thing, So this is this is the thing. The underlying issue is a

little more complicated than gas or no gas. Right. What happens is Russia wants to be paid for its gas in rubles, right, the Russian currency, because that way European countries have to keep buying rubles, which keeps the currency alive. So I understand why Russia is so mad at getting paid in a currency that they don't want. You know, like, have you ever gotten a gift from like your little nephew that's like a coupon for one free hug. Yeah, I don't want that ship. I want cold, hot cash.

Jimmy hugs always free? Are you stupid? Anyway, let's move on, Timmy pisses me off man. For years, flight attendance in America have complained about well two things. One idiots who pressed the cold but when they meant to turn on the lights, and too the way they get paid. Well. Now, finally Delta Airlines is taking care of one of those issues. Flight attendants with Delta will soon be getting paid a little bit more money. The airline says it will now

start paying cabin crews during boarding. Up until now, flight attendants did not start getting paid until the passengers were seated in the planes doors closed. That was the moment that their pay started. Delta says the change will start June second, as the company faces the possibility if it's more than twenty tho flight attendants forming their own union, the change could increase some attendance wages by several thousand

dollars every year. Yeah, leave it or not. Flight attendance in America do not get paid during the boarding process, which is crazy. Just think about your at work doing work, but your boss is like, no, this is your free time. What I only pay you when the doors are closed. That's wild. It also sucks for flight attendance on Spirit Airlines because they don't even have doors. What do they do? Do they work for free? How does that should work?

Because here's the thing, people, the boarding process is not easy. If anything, they should be getting paid extra for that part. You've got to deal with passengers who suddenly don't know how numbers work. Does twenty three come before four? And what number is gay? And then on top of that, they have to deal with out bags that never fits. And by the way, coo, why do the bags never fits? No honest question, why do they never It's calling overhead

back right, but it doesn't fit into the overhead? Why do they call it that? They shouldn't be allowed to sell it to you can quote an overhead back when it won't put into over because now I'm the idiot blocking the traffic. And then like everyone's looking at me, no one's getting paid, and I'm gonna I swear there's starts any would fit in the overhead there's none there, Like you're an idiot. I'm not over in bag, but no, no gonna over That's what the FBI should be focusing on.

That's the real crime. Will sell me a bag that makes me look like an idiot? By the way, did you notice how Delta suddenly said it was going to change this rule only after they learned that flights attendants are trying to form a union. Yeah, interesting timing. It was like like that, Margery Taylor Green Moore, Oh you mean that a union? Yeah? Yeah, yeah. Nothing scares these giant airlines more than unions. Like if someone yelled bomb in an airport and someone else yelled union, they honestly

wouldn't know who to tackle first. And I'm gonna give these flights attendances a lot of credit because let me tell you something, man, people fly all the time. You see these people working hard, But I didn't know that they weren't getting paid while the player you did. I don't know that they're really patient people. If I was working for free during the whole boarding process, I would have been way less friendly than yo. I would have been in that airport like ze one, Zone one. Get

the hell up on the plane right now. Come, I'm trying to get paid. Move your dumb man. Put the thing on the thing there, man, And I saw you. I swear I saw. If any of you broke a zone four months even trying to get in line right now, I will have the t s a water board yours. Get back zone four. Sit down. You know who you is. I work in a fro all right. Finally, let's talk about COVID nineteen. It's the only one of us that's

seen Kamala Harrison like three months. As we all know, a little over two years ago, a bat in China didn't cover its mouth when it sneezed in a lab after visiting a food market, and that started a pandemic, and the world has never been the same. But now Anthony Fauci, America's most renowned infectious disease scientists and most ready for retirement human, has come out with some news that has left people shook. Listen to this Dr Anthony Fauci telling PBS News that America is out of the

pandemic phase. We are certainly right now in this country out of the pandemic phase. Namely, we don't have nine hundred thousand new infections a day and tens and tens and tens of thousands of hospitalizations and thousands of debts. We are at a low level right now. We're not going to eradicate this virus if we can keep that level very low and intermittently vaccinate people. And I don't know how often that would have to be, but right now we are not in the pandemic phase in this country.

Whom pre come damic tenses. Oh my god, I'm not happy. I'm vobbing math. Oh man, I've been waiting for this moment since much of Do the balloon drop here? Oh? Oh wait? These are oh man? Are They're supposed to be like fully inflated, but I we blew them up in April. We thought it was only gonna be a few weeks. But I guess, uh, things are tough. It's just like this little inside, these things still inside. Yeah, yeah,

what is that COVID anyway. But yeah, Fauci says America is no longer in a pandemic phase, which is cool, but don't let these balloons fool you. Doesn't mean we're out of the pandemic. A lot of people actually misinterpreted this news today. They were like, the pandemic is over. Time to tongue kiss my grandmother again. Man, time to tongue cass my grandside. Agad. They're a very loving family.

But that's not what this means. What Fauci was saying is that America is currently not in a pandemic phase, as in, not in a pandemic right now, but it's not over. It could come back or it could go away. But it could come back or go you don't know. Yeah, it's a phase. It's sort of like wide legged jeans. They disappeared for twenty years and now suddenly everyone looks like that's to borrow a pair of pants from shack.

You know. But as much as you want to get angry at people, here's the thing, Dr Fauci, How did you not know? How do you not know? By now? How stupid people are? Huh, We're all stupid. You can't just say pandemic phases over. Oh when you say that, oh, we here is party time. I feel like that's been the major failure of this pandemic is that the scientists have been communicating directly with the public without somebody to interpret what they're saying. That's bound to cause chaos. Right,

we don't understand scientists speak. It's the reason God didn't speak directly to the people. He always went through a messenger. You know. He was like, Noah, sooner I will purge the learned of all certain and vice, or henceforth, abundance may spring forth. And whence there was squalor, things will change. And no one was like, I gotcha, Hey, yo, grab a giraffe. Shit's about to get wet. Now we understand Afghanistan.

For months now, we have known that the Biden administration completely butched the exit of American troops from America's longest war. Yeah even the Game of Thrones. Guys were like wolf rough ending. But now, for the first time we're learning the details of how costly this mistake actually was. We do have some new c and in reporting this morning in the US left behind seven billion dollars worth of military equipment in the chaotic withdrawal from Afghanistan last year.

That equipment now in the hands of the Taliban. What kind of equipment is it? According to the report, a few details aircraft, munitions, military vehicles, weapons, communications, gere, a lot of it. It requires very precise maintenance to remain usable. They don't know if the Taliban have been able to keep all of this stuff running. That's a that's a key question that they may never get an answer to. They left seven billion dollars worth of military equipment in Afghanistan.

How is it even possible, Like because I get anxiety leaving a hotel in a hurry, you know, I get that, you know, like when you're rushing and then you forget your toothbrush. But let me tell you something, if I left seven billion dollars worth of toothbrushes, we're turning this uber around. People were going back now. According to the people who left the stuff behind, and this this one

was really interesting. They say this might not be an issue because they say the Taliban might not be able to operate this stuff anyway because of how complicated it is. And first of all, I feel like they're just saying that to cover their ass. Second of all how they're gonna act like the Taliban doesn't have YouTube. You can find anything on YouTube. Anything you're telling me only Americans can use this equipment. But the Taliban cons they're acting like to turn the tank on, you have to say

say saying like the theme song to friends. You know it's gonna be like, come on, guys, you gotta get the claps right. It's not working. What's happening. Here's my question. Here's my question. American never has the money for anything, all right. There's not enough money for healthcare, there's not enough money for education. There's not enough money to finally finish the Washington Monument by putting two balls on it. But America has no problem with leaving behind seven billion

dollars worth of weapons. How come that never happens any other way? Like just once, I would love to turn on the news and here's something like this, just sound the government has too much money for healthcare, so everyone gets a free butt lift. It's mind boggling, people, It's mind boggling how much money America wastes on the military. And don't let them trick you into saying like, oh no, it goes to the troops because it doesn't go to

the troops, right, the troops are not balling in the club. No, the defense contractors is where the money goes. And then you hear these people are like, well, we need to spend that money to keep people safe. But let me ask you this, what's more threatening to people in America a group of rebels in some foreign country, or healthcare? Nobody can afford toxic drinking water, poverty, pollution. Because if our was America, I would spend my war money on

the biggest threats. Yeah, that's what I would do. And then I would send the Taliban flints, old water pipes. That's how it fights. You don't need missiles, just send that ship. Yeah, try drinking now. All right, But let's move on to England, the world's number one exporter of Benedict cumberbatchers, because you may know, UK Parliament can be a pretty rowdy place. You know, every day people are shouting and booing at each other like the crowd at

the world's pastiest rap battle. But it turns out that there is something that you're not allowed to do on the floor, as one British politician found out. The Conservative Party has launched an investigation into claims by some of its female MPs that a Tory colleague watched pawn on his mobile phone in the House of Commons itself. Who is the Tory MP accused of watching pornography in the Commons?

We still don't know that. Government ministers have lined up today to condemn him, saying there's no place for pornography in any workplace. The MP could be suspended and thrown out of the Conservative Party, and the story has reignited criticism of the overall culture in parliament. A member of the UK's Conservative Party was caught watching pawn during a session and now he could be expelled for it. And

I'll be honest, I'm just trying to understand the motivation here. No, not like like what part of parliament made this guy want to watch pawn? Like what what what turned him on? Was there some new legislation that was getting him hot. Was that some other minister who was like, this country is going deeper and deeper into debt We cannot put out at this point. It's just like little boys, boo boys. And you know, if you ask me, kicking him out

wasn't the right punishment. Man. What they should be doing is what parents do when they catch a kids smoking cigarettes. Yeah, they should force them to watch all of porn. Humb I'll teach him a lesson. He'll be like, oh, I've seen all the categories I didn't know existed. Please new Congress at Koka. You know, Jesus, it's too much. Mitch McConnell like that. You saw him in your mind? That was funny. Poet of You was like, ah, I saw it, Trevor.

I mean, look, I get that Britain doesn't want its politicians watching porn at work, you know, but I will say I think the one exception should be the royal family. No, I think pawn could really open their eyes to the beauty of interracial relationships. You know, that could be a good thing for them. Oh and finally, and finally, do you want to talk about politicians getting into weird trouble?

And there's no better example than Donald J. Trump, President of the United States and phantom of the Mara Lago coving station. You see, the former president is currently being sued for inciting violence against protesters, and it's gotten serious enough that he was actually forced to testify about it.

Former President Donald Trump testified under oath he was worried that protesters would curl things at him and that they were dangerous, as part of his deposition from back in October for a civil lawsuit in New York where activists claim that the former president's bodyguards violently broke up protests

outside Trump Tower back in Okay. First of all, it's crazy that there are so many Trump scandals that he's literally getting dragon to court for something we didn't even know was a thing, Like did you know this was a thing? Did you nobody knew? Nobodyknew about this? I didn't Trump last So like Nicolas Cage movies, there's like a bunch where you're like, he lost a pig? When

did that happen? But anyway, Trump was being sued for inciting violence to protests right against protesters rather and then he came up with one of the most crazy defenses I've ever heard. This might be my favorite story of the year. And to fully understand the story, you have

to hear the actual deposition that Trump gave in the case. Now, unfortunately there's no recording, but fortunately there is a transcript, So to give you a little taste, I'm gonna get some help from our very own Michael cost to everybody, I see for your for your understanding and enjoyment. Costa and I are going to read sections from the transcript for you. Now. He will be reading the parts of various lawyers, and I will be playing Donald Jack Fruit Trump.

And again we're just gonna read excerpts from the actual transcript, because I promise you no comedy writes up is gonna come up with something funnier than this. Are you guys ready, So just so you understand, the key section begins with lawyers playing a video from Trump. Ready, if you see somebody getting ready to throw a tomato, knock the crap out of avoid. You're seriously knock the crap out of him? Would you? That was your statement? Oh yeah, it was

very dangerous. We were threatened with what they were gonna throw fruit. We were threatened, We had a threat. How did you become aware that there was a threat that people were gonna throw fruit? We were told, We were told, and you get hit with fruit. It's no, it's very violence stuff. We were on alert for that. The tomato is a fruit, after all, I guess it has seeds. It's worse than a tomato. It's other things also, but tomato, when they start doing that stuff, it's very dangerous. It's

very dangerous stuff. You can get killed with those things. I wanted to have people be ready because we were put on alert that they were gonna do. They were gonna do to fruit, and some fruit is a lot worse than tomatoes are bad, by the way, but it's very dangerous. No, I wanted them to watch. They were on alert. They were gonna hit, They were gonna hit hard. Do you have any knowledge as to whether or not anybody was found to have tomatoes in their possession on

that date. I don't know, But it didn't happen. It worked out that nothing happened. We heard it was gonna happen, but nothing happened, Mr President, is your expectation that if your security guards see someone about to throw a tomato, that they should knock the crap out of them, Well, tomato,

a pineapple, a lot of other things they throw. They have to be aggressive and stopping that from happening because if that happens, you can be killed if that happens, and getting aggressive includes the use of physical force to stop somebody from throwing pineapples, tomatoes, bananas, stuff, like that. Yeah, it's dangerous stuff. I have no further questions, and see, okay, I can get my chucky pansy. I couldn't go about you. Thank you so much, Thank you, thank you very much

for character. How two men show the presidents on the fruits will be off Broadway soon again. That conversation and rarely happened with the former president of the United States. I will say this, He's not wrong about being hit with a pineapple being dangerous, you know. I mean, that's got spikes built in and a banana too. It might not seem dangerous, but remember someone throws a banana comes right back at them, so you can just throw it

at you, keep hitting you over and over again. You know what, I think the worst fruit is to get hit with honeyed you. Yeah. No, not because it's hard, just because you could get someone within your mouth and that ship is disgusted. I gotta hope it hits me in the head and kills me so I don't have to taste it. That's what I hoped for. But not people. This is serious stuff, and it's actually caused the Secret

Service to alter their methods. I'm told that we've obtained a classified training video that shows how Secret Service protesters are now going to be dealt with. And here's some of the new training incredible, rarely incredible. Before we go, I just wanted to remind you that Nellie, four thousand homes have been destroyed and more than forty people have been displaced by the floods and the mudslides in my

home country, South Africa. Now. Gift of the Givers is a South African based disaster relief organization on the ground helping those who have been affected by the flood So if you can help them in their work in any way, then please donate at the link below. Watch the Daily Show weeknights at eleven central on Comedy Central and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount Plus. This has been a Comedy Central podcast.