This Week's Top Stories | BTS Joins South Korean Military - podcast episode cover

This Week's Top Stories | BTS Joins South Korean Military

Oct 22, 202246 min
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BTS joins the South Korean military, the 2022 midterms prove to have some of the wildest campaign ads yet, MacKenzie Scott donates $85 Million to the Girl Scouts, and Liz Truss resigns as UK’s Prime Minister. Here’s what happened this week. 

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You're listening to Comedy Central. The FDA has announced that there is a nationwide shortage of adderall So if you don't have a genuine need for it, please save it for anyone who has a legitimate prescription. And if you do have a prescription, now is the time to sell it at school kids, catch in make that money. In international news, the superstar K pop band BTS has announced that its members will soon begin reporting for mandatory service

in the South Korean military. Yeah, which is great news for South Korea because the army is basically unstoppable. Now there's no army in the world that it's gonna take a shot at these guys. Are you kidding me? Who's gonna be stupid enough take a shot? Everyone's a fan enemy sold Is are gonna be like I just got stapped by Jim. This is the last best day of

my life. Oh. In tech news, Kanye West announced today that he is going to buy the right wing social media platform Parla because quote he wants to make sure we have the right to freely express ourselves. And thank God, because I've been waiting to hear Kanye is unfiltered thoughts on things like you just never get to hear that, you guys, ever hear of anything else to say? So shy, so shy. All right, Let's move on to some of the biggest stories of the day, starting as we so

often do, with Donald Trump. And I know, I know, I know. When Trump is in the news, it's usually because he was caught doing more crimes. But this time it's also because of that. The man loves to crime. What can I say? So let's find out about his latest one in our ongoing segments, America's most tremendously wanted. Do you ever remember that? After he left the White House, Trump creates his own social media app called truth Social, which is basically just Twitter up but for white supremacists.

And before you say, wait on the white supremacist already on Twitter, yes, but on truth Social they're verified now, believe it or not. Believe it or not. There might also be a dock side to truth Social. A whistleblower is now accusing former President Trump's social media company of violating federal securities laws. Will Wilkerson is a former executive at Trump Media and Technology Group, which launched the truth

Social platform. He tells The Washington Post the Trump's company tried to raise capital by making fraudulent misrepresentations about its finances. The SEC is now investigating. The co founder told The Washington Post the former president and asked one executive to relinquish shares in the company to former First Lady Milannia Trump and had him removed from the board of directors when he refused what Donald truth Social media platform was

reportedly engaged in shady financial gimmicks. How it's called truth Social. I don't know what to believe anymore, you know. One of the most interesting allegations is that he tried to bully one of his board members into giving his shares to Milannia, which is just so romantic. Yeah, ladies, find you a man who will commit securities vote for you? Are you kidding? You have to admit the shares in truth Social are a weird gift. You know. It almost

sounds like Trump didn't remember until the last minute. It was just like, of course, I remembered your birthday, Millannia, I got you. I got truth Social ers. Surprise, surprise, finally love it and also the time I'm wearing. The funny thing is truth Social is such a failure of a company that she probably doesn't even want the shares. You know. It's almost like when your kids give you that that gift, but it's just like a piece of macaroni art for your birthday. You know. She was probably

just like, oh so cute. Do you think this is worth something? Thank you? Donald? Now, just to be clear, Just to be clear, though, I am totally on Trump's side in this story. Yeah. Yeah. It's if you go into business with Donald Trump and you are surprised that you got scammed, that's on you. What were you thinking, Well, I know the last guy that Trump worked almost got hanged by an angry mob. But I think I'm gonna turn out fine. I don't know what can go wrong.

Iver wal can go wrong. So let's move on from Donald Trump to this year's hot new mini Trump, Herschel Walker, Georgia Senate candidates, and closed captionings Worst Nightmare. There are a lot of controversies swirling around Walker. His attack on absentee parents despite being one, his opposition to abortion despite allegedly paying for one, his attempts to become a senator despite not knowing how many states America has, and then his first debates over the weekend, Walker tried to clear

up one controversy with a little prop comedy. At a debate Friday night, herschel Walker responded to accusations that he has pretended to be a police officer by flashing what appeared to be a fake badge, and you know what's so funny, I am with many police all members. In a new interview, the former football star says the badge is real. He says he got it from the sheriff of Johnson County, Georgia. Walker clarified it's an honorary badge.

The National Sheriff's Association said an honorary badge quote is for the trophy case. Why make the decision true? You know, I don't know what's crazier in the story, the fact that this man lied about being in law enforcements, or the fact that he pulled out a fake badge during a debate during a debate, all the fact that after the Sheriff's Association said that his badge is just an undery one, he said, no, they're wrong. That's only wrong. That's like it almost makes me wonder how many people

as herschel Walker arrested. Huh is there someone locked up in his basement? Right now. Who's just like, is this a real present? There's a foodsball table in here. He's like, it's an honorary prison. Does he treat every symbolic object like this? People say I'm an absentee father, But if that were true, why would I have this world's best Dad mug? Huh? Not okay dad, not a good dad, world's best dad. That's official. In fact, I have seven of these mugs to prove it, and some I haven't

even received yet. You know, the saddest part of the story is that there are people who are gonna believe that herschel Walker was in law enforcement because he pulled out this badge. This is something I've learned in America. People see it, they believe it. It's the same way there were people who believed that Trump actually did step away from his company just because he posed next to a stack of empty folders and like he's lying. People like,

why would he be lying? He's standing next to empty folders, and what would he standing next to even wasn't true? Are you next to empty folders? No you're not. But it's honorary, Like Tanna Swift Winstance got an honorary doctorate from n y U this year. But you don't see her in the operating room like, well, killed another one. Hight. Let's get lunch and try again later. Guess maybe I'll try to brains next time instead of hot stuff. Ah.

I will say. The one upside of this whole story, though, is there is some good news because this means that Georgia voters don't even need to elect herschel Walker senator. Then you just give him a certificate that says honorary Senator. He won't know the difference. I let's move on to some criminal justice news right now. A right wing militia member named Paul Bella is on trial for hatching a plot back in to kidnap the governor of Michigan, which means every day the jurors have to look at a

man accused of an evil, heinous crime. Just imagine that every day staring into those eyes. Are you turned on? Because apparently someone was well. A juror has been dismissed from the trial of three men in connection with the plot to kidnap Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer. She was dismissed by the judge on Friday after attorneys accused her of

flirting with one of the defendants. Now, the flirtatious behavior was described as non verbal communication in the form of eye contact and smiles between the juror and defendant Paul Bellar. While the prosecutor originally pointed out the conduct, several others, including Bellar's attorney, stated that they had seen interactions between the to the judge dismissed the juror out of an abundance of caution. God damn. First of all, congrats to this woman for finding a new way to get out

of jury duty. Truly an inspiration for a soul. But I have to say, I have to say I'm kind of sad that they kicked off the case. Think of think of how great it would have been when they read the verdict. We the jury sentenced the defendant of life with me. I guess the real lesson here is that bad boys stay winning. This guy is literally on trial for trying to kidnap the governor, huh, and he's

still getting love. It's always like this, every famous criminal has all these groupies are like, is there a Mrs Serial Killer? Oh? There was, but you chopped her into little pieces. So you're single now, but I would like to know how this happened? How did this happen? Because when you report for jury duty in America, they make you watch a video that expressly tells you what you

should and shouldn't do. M Please remember, while performing the sacred civic duty is important to avoid doing the following things. Reading about the case in the news going like this, to the defending going like this, to the defending going like this to the defendants, thank you for your service, and please don't try to smash everyone watches that video. How did that happen? Alright? Finally, let's uh, let's talk

about the latest news in Russia's war with Ukraine. If you've been following the war, you know that almost everybody has been helping Ukraine fights off the world's worst botox customer America sending weapons there, sending financial assistance, England to sending Prince Andrew not to help. They just want to get rid of him. But it may surprise you to know who has been giving Ukraine the Internet service and

how close it recently came to going away. Elon Musk reversing course, the billionaire now says his SpaceX company will continue to fund Ukraine's critical satellite service SpaceX is Starlink internet service has been a vital source of communication for the Ukrainian military during its war with Russia. The reversal coming after exclusive CNN reporting that SpaceX sent a letter to the Pentagon warning that it may stop funding the service unless the US military kicks in tens of millions

of dollars each month. Musk tweeting this weekend, the hell with it, even though starlink is still losing money and other companies are getting billions of taxpayer money, We'll just keep funding the Ukraine government for free. You know, Elon Musk is the only person who can do a good thing, but in the bitchiest way possible. You know, it's just like,

guess I'll just keep help Ukraine for free. Like I'm not gonna even try to tell Elon Musk how to use his money, but I will tell you this, Elon, this is not how you get remembered as an inspiring figure in history. All right, you're doing a good thing, but then you're saying it like that. Can you imagine if Martin Luther King Junior had this attitude when he was trying to do his good. I have a dream, I guess because I don't see nobody else had in

the dream, so I guess it's on me. I gotta sleep threenty hours a day because these bitch asses don't want to come up with dreams of their own. People be like Martin, you want to go to the club, but I can't. I gotta go home to sleep because I gotta have a dream. That's some bullshit, but I guess I gotta do it anyway, it wouldn't be the same.

Can I tell you what I think happened? Ye, what I think happened here is Elon musk own opportunity to be the good guy and make a lot of money, give the Ukrainians internet, but then over time have the American government step in and pick up the tab. Yeah, but because they said no, now he's stuck. He is keep losing money or be the asshole who cut off Ukraine's Internet. And I know some people think Elon is evil, but he's not Cable company evil. Come on, and I

actually get Elon's frustration because think about it. Think about it. Weapons manufacturers on donating missiles to Ukraine. The US government is paying them, So Elon is going, well, why shouldn't I get paid? And also, like everyone else, I'm sure Elon didn't expect the war to go on for this long.

You know. It's sort of like when you hold the door open for someone, right, but then other people keep walking through the door, so you're holding the door for twenty minutes and finally you let go, and then it slams some old lady in the face. He's like, are you broke my nose? And then your boss runs up. He's like you're fired, and you're like, I don't even work here. He's like, not with that attitude, you're don't And now you're an asshole and you're unemployed just because

you're trying to be nice. TikTok has officially announced that users will now be able to run live streams for adults only. But before you get excited, the app says that nudity and sexually explicit content will still be prohibited, which like, what what what's adult themed if it's not sex and nudity? And I was just like, who's ready to watch me refinance my mortgage? The interest rates are so huge right now. I don't think I can afford

to live in my house. Anymore. In international news, Japan's oldest toilets, which was five years old, was destroyed when a man accidentally backed his car up over it. You know, I've heard about people trying to cover up what they did in the bathroom, but this is doesn't take me. It a step too far. It's also amazing how putting the word oldest suddenly gravita us to something that none of us actually care about. He broke the toilet, so it was the oldest toilet. Oh no, I need to

call my mom. And by the way, if you're wondering, the oldest toilets in New York City is the subway. In some consuming news, uber eats has announced that they will start delivering weed in Toronto, Canada, which has amazing Yeah we delivery. What a game changing service that no one has already been using forever, especially under the name repair guy on my phone. Wow. All right, let's move

on some of the biggest stories of the day. We are now in the home stretch of the midterm campaign season, which means it's almost that time of the year when you wake up on that one special morning in November and you're like, oh, ship, I forgot to vote yesterday and just three weeks ago. This is the last chance for the candidates and the shadowy billionaires who fund them to make their case to the voters. And as always, they're making that case through campaign ads. In fact, a

record nine point seven billion dollars worth of ads. So if you live in a string state, basically every ad you're seeing on TV right now is a campaign ad. By the time November comes around, you're gonna be praying to see the ads that you used to hate. No more, please, I just want to know in Toyota thought it's on please now. I don't need to tell you guys, but political ads in America can get pretty wild. They really can.

And as the country becomes more and more polarized, the type of political ads that come out become more and more intense. So I figured, let's enjoy some of the latest blockbusters in another installment of Vote Demmic. Let's start our ad watch with the Republicans now. For this election, they want everything to be focused on three issues inflation, crime, and pretending they didn't hear that thing Trump just said.

So they've been running ads emphasizing these issues. You know, some of them have been so too, but Louisiana sentence to John Kennedy has decided that subtle is not his style. Violent crime is surging in Louisiana. Woke leaders blame the police. I blame the criminals. My mom should not have to look over her shoulder when she's pumping gas. I voted against the early release of violent criminals, and I opposed

defunding the police. Look, if you hate cops just because of the cops, the next time you get in trouble, call a crackhead. I'm John Kenny, and I approved this message. Okay, alright, alright. First of all, nobody's gonna call a crackhead. I'm gonna text a crackhead. This is a crazy way to frame things though, Right, He's like, violent crime, call crack hair. The Senate is acting like cop and crackhead are the only two options. That's it. What about social workers? What

about mental health experts, what about heroin addicts. There's all ranged people. It's also weird for a guy who's been in office for six years to complain about crime and then campaign on it. I find that a little strange. He's like, ever since I got in the office, crime has exploded. Reelect me so I can figure out what's got on all because I like, I don't know where this logic goes, right, Because no matter what happens, Republicans always want more cops. Crimes up, we need more cops.

Crimes down, We need more cops. Like, what the plan just to keep hiring until the entire population is just cops? Yeah, that way, I got an eye on me. Yeah. Maybe the solution is just to hire crackheads as cops. Yeah, because first of all, they're always there when you need them. And say what you will about cops versus crackheads, but at least the crackhead is not going to plant crack on you. They're keeping it for themselves. It works out.

I know it might be a little crazy, but you're gonna admit a crackhead detective show that sounds like a great idea for a c s I spinoff. The victim is on the table next to the flowers that he bought for Valentine's Day. I guess that means it's time to go smoke some crack good climate now. Obviously, Democrats have a whole different set of issues that they want to emphasize. Voters don't trust them on the economy or

inflation right now. So the Dams want this election to be about things like climate change, protecting democracy, and pretending that they didn't hear the thing that Joe Biden just said. But the main issue Democrats are running on is reproductive rights, and California Congressman Eric Slowell just put out one of the most hardcore campaign ads you've ever seen, though, Larry Anderson. Yes, I have a warrant for your arrest, arrest for what

unlawful termination of a pregnancy. You gotta be kidding me that that is my personal business. That's for the courts to decide. Man. Your medical records have been subpoenaed and Dr Landry's already in custody. No, thank god, you can you do? You can't. We'll have to submit to a physical examination. What Brian? No? No, what's touches? Put your hands behind your back up? I love you there. We're just enforcing the law here. Elections have consequences. Vote Democrat

on November eight. Holy shits, that was intense. You don't usually expect a campaign ad to turn into an episode of Black Mirror? What was that like? I actually feel bad for the shows that had to come back from that ad. Break did you see that was? Why is this happening? Mom? You'll never see your mother again? Now? And now back to young Sheldon. Look, it is wild. It is wild how overturning Row has upended society so much that now white women can be as scared of

the police as black people are. And yes, and yes, this ad is obviously exaggerating things to make a point, but it is true that in any states in America, cops could show up at your door if you had an abortion. They could arrest you, and they could force you to have a physical examination. I mean, ironically, it's probably the only free healthcare you'll ever get in America.

And so look, I know, I know that the ad was a little heavy, so I thought, you know, let's lighten things up with the with the local campaign ad for Linda Paulson out of Utah. Now you probably look at this picture and you think there's no way this little old lady could spit fire over a dop't wrap me. Well, guess what you're right, hey, YouTube District twelve. Listen up right here, there's a new name on the ballot for

the Senate this year. I'm pro religious free The pro life, pro police, the right to bear arms, and the right to free speak. But in schools they are pushing for new beliefs. And just to clarify, that's a female adult. I know what a woman is. If you share my values, if you like what I stand for, then give me your vote on the eighth of November. District twelve needs a choice. Let me be your voice. Linda Poulson Linda Poulson for Senate. I I don't exactly know how, but

I'm pretty sure that was racism. I don't know how. Okay, I don't know. If you don't know if you noticed that? Did you? Do you notice that at some point the beat stopped, but it stuffed itself like she was so off beat. It's almost like the beat was like, am either one missing up? But wait, do you know I'm here? What is happening? Yeah? Gangster rap Linda. Unfortunately, after recording that track, Linda was hit in the drive by shooting. Yes, tragic, but when you're in the game, you're in the game

all the way. Give's my question. Gives my question who is this fall? Who is this at Fall? Right? Because she is a conservative Republican in Utah, nobody who supports her likes rap, and nobody who likes rap is gonna see this video and be like, man, I wasn't gonna vote for Republicans, but her flu just can't be denied. Beat. And by the way, if you are a politician who insists in rapping in a campaign video, can you at least try wrapping in a style from this century? Huh?

I'm Lynda de Polson and I'm here. Just your ship is called in, Miss Paulson, get with the times. I'll tak your like. Use the trap beats at least. In fact, the trapp beats is actually better for politicians because nobody can understand what you're saying. You can just dodge any moments at any debate or any reporters can just be like, Senator, what is your position on cutting medicare? Well, here's what I do. Sit him back bottom and heat kind of having them. We need get him my back. And I

think that answers your question. I hope the me you know what I was thinking, is like when you think about it, Joe Biden has basically been doing trapped music this whole time. Remember here, come on, man, remember there. The NFL has announced that, for the first time ever, the league will schedule a game on the day after Thanksgiving a k A. Black Friday. Yeah, and I'm surprised that they're doing this because I thought that the NFL would be busy on Black Friday scouting Walmart for new talents.

You know that Grandma would just tackle that kid. Let's get our a two year deal. Also, I love how the league made this big announcement, like it's a genius idea. Wow, football on a Friday. Yeah? It football put on any day. It works. It's football. It's like oh Sex on a Tuesday. Yeah, brilliant idea. It's good whenever, don't overthink. It's. In money news, the U S Mint is about to release new quarters featuring actress Anna May Wong, the first Asian American to

ever appear. Yeah, which, which is great news for representation and great news for bad tippers. It's gonna be like you only took me a quarter. It's like, wow, Okay, I didn't know I was dealing with a racist. Which quarter. In international news, British Prime Minister Liz Truce is now officially the lowest polling prime minister in British history and is now in danger of losing her job after only six weeks. Yeah. When asked for comments, she said, any

woman can break the glass ceiling. I'm proud to have shouts at the glass flow. Alright, let's move on to some of the biggest stories of the day, starting with the Girl Scouts of the USA, you know, the Sineloa cartel of baked goods. After years of struggling with falling membership and sinking revenues, one Girl Scout has stepped in with the ultimate good deed. The Girl Scouncil of the USA just received their largest donation ever by a single person.

Billionaire philanthropist Mackenzie Scott just donated eighty four and a half million dollars to the organization. The Girl Scouts leadership says that the money will help them recover from the pandemic which drove down membership. Scott has donated some twelve billion dollars to charities since Wow Wow. Thanks to Mackenzie Scott, the Girl Scouts are now bawling out of control, which is great. It really is great because the Girl Scouts do an amazing job of training a new generation of leaders,

providing a community. Although I will say they've got to be careful because this kind of money could easily change your vibe. Yeah, this year they're earning badges for computer coding and rock climbing. Next year it's gonna be badges for crystal popping and tax evasion. Because we like Meredith for discovering that the Cayman Islands are superior to Panama. Where warn you this? Obviously I'm joking. I'm joking. All right, the girls gonna be selling cookies. They's gonna be doing

it out of the back of a bent lee. Now, just like buy them or not. We don't carry the way you broadcast bit and ask for McKenzie starts. How can you not love this woman? Huh, because she's exposing what billionaires don't want you to realize. That billion is always like, if you raise my taxes even a little bit, how will I have the money to feed all of

my private jets? But think about Mackenzie Scott has only been a billionaire for three years and she's already given away ten billion dollars more than her ex Jeff Bezos has given away to still life. And get this, and get this, she's still a billionaire. Don't forget that. Yeah, it just goes to show how much good you can do when your main priority isn't going to space in a giant metal penis there are things you can do anyway. Let's move on. Let's move on to some big sports news.

For decades, boxing dominates the world of prize fighting. Then M m A came along with the roundhouse kick and became a worldwide phenomenon. And now we might be witnessing the birth of a new era slap fighting. It's become a viral sensation over the past few years, and now UFC president Data White is starting a league. He got approval yesterday for it to be a licensed athletic competition in Nevada. His Power Slap League will be regulated by

the Nevada State Athletic Commission. And as you can guess, slap fighting features two competitors across from one another, throwing slaps with open hands to each other's faces. The sport has been around for several years, but never regulated until now. Yeah, yeah, that's right. Slapping is about to become an official sports and those big dudes might be the champs for now, but it's only amount of time before the sports is dominated by immigrant moms. The coach, coach. You know, I

don't know about you. I don't know about you, but I am excited to see how the Nevada Athletic Commission plans to regulate the rules of the sport, Like are you allowed to flinch? You know? Can I use my moves from school? Is Will Smith the reigning champ? Is that? How it? You know? You know what I would propose. I would propose to make the sport more exciting. You know. Having wrestling they trash talk right to get people going, and then in boxing they do the way in where

they challenge each other and say things. What they should do for slap fighting is they should have each fighter say something first that warrants them getting slapped, you know, just like I never liked your mother's cooking. And by the way, by the way, I like that there are more and more sports that divorced men can excel at getting slapped eating one hot dogs? You basically two weeks away from there being a sport that's just sleeping on your friends, pull out couch right, just four days and

he's still on the count. People. This is why he's the goat. Can you say this and before you one of those people who's like, you know, this is a bizarre idea for a sport. Is it really a sport? Every sport sounds ridiculous when you first hear about it, all right, I mean it's not a real Every sport is not a real sport. Pick any sport, any sport like Nascar. Huh. Imagine that first conversation. So we're all gonna drive really fast in a big circle. Yeah yeah,

but what if I lose control and crash into the wall. Well, that's what we're all hoping for. Right, And finally, everyone knows that the Internet has made shopping easier than ever. You know, sometimes I get packages without even ordering. Yeah, I mean, sure, they accidentally put the boxes on my neighbor's stupid. It's free. I can't complain. But this year, this year, it looks like online shopping will be a

little less easy than before. Its holiday shopping season approaches, you may find something a little bit different this year. Returning gifts may not be so easy or cheap anymore. Buyers beware, free returns may soon be a thing of the past. The cost of returns is becoming so astronomical for retailers. Right now, they have no choice but to pass that cost on to the consumer. One reason for the new return fees is an increase in what's called bracketing.

That's when a consumer buys the same clothes in several different sizes and colors with plans to return what they no longer want. The National Retail Federation reports two D eighteen billion dollars worth of online purchases were returned in That is more than double the amount in. As a result, some major retailers are now adjusting their return policies, including H and M, which is now testing a return fee in certain places. No no, no, no, no, no. How

to charge people for returns. If I want to make a rash decision on a whim and then change my mind, I shouldn't have to pay a price for it. That's the whole point of America. I thought, this great nation is about you make decisions. I think I'd look good in this jacket, you know what. Never mind, I think i'd look good in Iraq? You know what? Never mind? And you know who I blame for this? I blame the Democrats. Yeah, they should have cutified the rights of

free returns when they had a supermajority. You could have done it. Nancy, I don't want to lose free internet returns because you realize what that means. That means we're gonna go have to go back to the old way. You remember the old way. If you wanted to return the shirts, you'd have to drive all the way to the store to wait in line, and then to look the cashier in the eye and try to convince them that the shirt was already burnt when you bought it.

But letsiaga made it like this. Actually, you don't you know what. I blame the clothing stores for all these ns in the first place. Yeah, we wouldn't be forced to order all these different sizes if each clothing store didn't choose to have their own sizing system. In some stores, you're a medium, then you got another store, now you're a six. Then in some storts of like if you usually a medium, you probably want to go to the lodge, then just call it a large. Sizes run small. Then

why don't you make that a medium? What are you doing? Can you imagine if I owned a pizza store and you ordered a large pie and then I came out with one slice and I was like, oh, yeah, I forgot to tell you our pies run small. I bet you now that conversation would end with a championship slap five. Now that pretty much everyone has gotten through COVID at least what's seven times, scientists are wondering what that's doing

to our bodies, and the answer is not great. We have some more concerning news now about the long term impact of COVID nineteen as Daddy shows that it speeds up aging and epidemia. Leg expert from Washington University in St. Louis studied long COVID's impacts on your organs. In his research, he noticed patterns indicating the kidneys, the brain, and the heart all age faster after about with the virus. Yeah, that's right. Researchers say COVID can cause your organs to

age faster than you are. I'm not even sure what that means. I guess you turn on the TV to War's euphoria and your kidneys are like, what about blue bloods? Come on, come th real, this is disturbing news. Fights in COVID. It's so difficult that it ages your body pots. I mean, that is a great excuse for the next time you can't perform in bed though, you know, baby you gotta understand my penis is like eighty five. And this is the scary thing about COVID because it's a

novel virus. We still don't know what the long term side effects might be. And what sucks is that it's always gonna be bad. We know it's always gonna be bad, like viruses never have good side effects news because I'm never like breaking news. We're learning now that now you're not off turned people suffering from long COVID got those

sex cv things hearts not. If we had more time, we could talk about the long term strain COVID is going to put on the medical system, or how weird organs are in general, like why don't we have so many? Why don't we just have one big one that runs everything. But we can't get into that important medical discussion because while COVID keeps coming up with new ways to attack our bodies, the virus of Russia Vladimir Putin has found

new ways to attack Ukraine well. Tonight, the third of Ukraine is without power after Russia destroyed power stations in the last eight days. President Zelinski says Russia has thrown the country into massive blackouts and is urging his nation to brace for a tough winter. For the last month, Russia's targeted Ukraine's electricity grid, especially substations that serve as

junction points between cities. Just yesterday, Russia unleashed these a swarm of kami kaze drones to dive bomb energy facilities throughout the city. Yeah. After being beaten back by Ukraine's forces on the round, Putin has now resorted to using kama kazi drones. Caddy bitch. And you know, if this doesn't prove that Putin strategy is failing, nothing will because you never need to use kama kazi when you're winning.

You know, it's like anytime you see someone rushing somewhere with the hands full of paper towels, you know things are not going according to plan. Pull shit phit phit, phit phit. And by the way, also, can we stop calling them kamakazi drones If it's not a person inside, it's not kamakazi, all right, that's just ghost writing the whip. And kamakaze is from Japan, So this is a war crime and cultural appropriation. So you canceled that at me a Putin. Yeah, let's see if Twitter will do what

the u N could not. By the way, an interesting detail in the story is that Russia had to buy these drones from Iran, which kind of makes you question their military might. You're supposed to be one of the most powerful militaries in the world, but you ran out of ship already. Like you realize, America never runs out of weapons. Never. America has so many weapons. Sometimes it will sell weapons to countries that is going to fight

just to make space. You know, We're like, all right here, you going rack, all right now, let's do this now. If we had more time, we could talk about how Russia's access to weapons from other countries reminds us that the global sanctions aren't as global as we think because they stileft ties to Asia, South America and the Middle East. Oh, we could talk about how this Ukraine war is completely derating much as Ukraine, but also Europe's economy and their

energy supplies. But we don't have the time to get into that because while Ukraine is in turmoil, there's another country in Europe that somehow it's an even more of a ship situation today, Great Britain. And that's one story we definitely need to make time for breaking across the pond a political earthquake. Just forty four days. That is how long Prime Minister Liz Trust was in office before resigning.

Just in the last few hours. I recognize though, given the situation, I cannot deliver the mandate on which I was elected by the Conservative Party. This makes Trust now the shortest serving Prime minister in three hundred and one years. God damn Britain. Another prime minister, Another prime minister, and this one when we lost at forty four days. Boris Johnson had COVID parties that were longer than that. You realize how hard is to get tired of somebody this quickly.

Usually politicians get a period of time where you like them first and then you hate them. But Britain hated Liz Trust basically from day one. Imagine being on a first date. On a first date with someone and they're like, oh, I'm so sick of all your ship but we just met. It's like, I know, and I'm suffocating. Actually, if this was a relationship, I feel like at this point Britain's friends will be sitting down with it, like, listen, honey,

you've been through four prime ministers in six years. They can't all be the problem. I'm just saying, maybe it's time to turn the vote of no confidence on yourself. In fact, for the next prime minister, maybe maybe the UK take things a little slow. Yeah, this is chaos. For the next one, maybe maybe don't put a label on it has so much pressure that prime minister may maybe just have them be the person who lives at ten Downing Street. In fact, you don't even live there,

just sleep over here and there, you know. Yeah, then maybe leave a toothbrush behind, you know, and then then they get a draw for their clothes. And then when you're sure that this is the prime minister for you, then you bring them to meet your friends at the G seven how about that, you know, and they're like, yeah, yeah, we're a thing. Now we're a thing. Oh and by the way, remember the reason Liz Trust lost her job is because she came into office making worse decisions than

a company social media manager. During Black History Month. Terrible budget plans, firing finance ministers, going back on her own policies, sending the queen to meet Jesus. Things were going so badly, so badly, that the British press trolled her with vegetables, in a sign of just how tenuous her standing was and perhaps how brutal UK politics can be. A British newspaper began tracking ahead of Lettuce to see if the embattled trust would last longer than the produce and it did.

Oh that's humiliating. That is human. Imagine being so bad at your job that you lose a joke contest. Yeah, because at first people are like, ha ha I bet she can't last longer than a head of Lettuce. And then by the end but they were like, should the let us be prime minister? And maybe the letters will be the only one that wants the job, because right now Britain's Parliament sounds more chaotic than a family reunion at herschel Walker's house. Yesterday was a shambolic day for her.

We heard earlier in the day that her interior minister, the Home Secretary Soweller Braveman, had resigned over an issue over improper use of her emails, and then later in the day we heard that she had in fact been fired. And then there was a vote in the House of Commons which descended into chaos. Some lawmakers alleged that government officials were actually physically pushing them, intimidating them into making

decisions that they wouldn't otherwise have made. One lawmaker even alleged that some MPs were crying in the toilets of the House of Commons. What a ship show? Did you hear? That people were shoving each other, crying, swearing, quitting and quitting. Sound was like the whole government turned into a high school drama club rehearsal. I mean members of Parliament were crying in the toilet, multiple members of parliaments like how many? What was there? Align? You know, because people like, oh,

you almost done in there, you almost start. Other people are waiting to cry too. You know, it's coming out, Harry, it's coming out. It's actually too bad that this happened in Britain and not in Japan, because you know, at least Japanese toilets so advanced they can they can probably actually help and console you. You know, you're doing the best you can. Thanks Toto, I remember remember what happened

last time. Don't just shut up that big You're not helping, you know the craziest part, the craziest part of this whole story is that Liz Trust only became prime minister because Boris Johnson was embroiled in so many scandals that he was forced to resign. That's the only reason she got the job. So you'll never guess who might be replacing her. The big issue though, for the Conservative Party and for this country is that no one really knows

who's going to be able to replace her. There are a number of names in the mix, including I have to say, Boris Johnson, who's currently on holiday and on vacation at the moment. In the Caribbeans, there are a number of Conservative Party members who are calling for Boris Johnson to return to the helm. I went to my constituency at the weekend and the strong message that I

got was bringing back Boris Johnson. Some supporters and some allies of Boris Johnson say that he may throw his name into the ring, which would be pretty remarkable since he was forced out by a scandal just six or seven weeks ago. Oh that's right, people, Old Boris Johnson is looking pretty good right now, isn't he not. Physically? Of course, physically he looks like a Pomeranian who got stuck in a dryer. Politically, though, people, is not bird.

He's an honest question though, Britain are you Are you guys really gonna put Boris back in office? Boris scandals Johnson. There is nobody else who could do this job, nobody in the entire country. And what about Paddington? Everybody loves him, Yeah, but that voice. He could even have bad policies, no one would care. I want to burn all the migrants,

you crazy tyrants. Now. Look, if we had more time, we could try and figure out Britain's next top minister, or we could place bets on how long they would last. But we don't have the time because we have to go to an ad bray that is probably gonna last longer than Liz Trust. Before we go, I just wanted to remind you please consider supporting the Violence Intervention Program

in New York City. They work within Latino communities to end domestic and sexual violence by providing emergency shelter, advocacy for long term economic stability and healing for survivors and their children. So if you want to support their work, then please donate at the link below. What's the daily show weeknights Central, Learned, Comedy Central, in stream food episodes anytime on Paramount plus MH This has been a Comedy Central podcast

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