This Week's Top Stories | Beckham Bids Farewell To The Queen

get the idea that it's fun to commit crimes? Huh? Not. Luckily, law enforcement has said that they had a lead on the criminal, but then he hid in a car washed for like a minute and now they just forgotten about the whole case. In international news, Tom Adani, an Indian businessman who made his fortune in shipping and coal production, has officially passed Jeff Bezos to become the world's second

richest person. Yeah, Poor Jeff bezos. When he heard this, his rocketship immediately went limp, and I see some of your cheering. He's just like yeah, Indian guy, number two on the list, don't forget, don't forget. Yes, it's good news for him, but Mr Dannie's parents are Indian, so they probably still like you know, I still wish you went to medical school. A billion in school, but you know what schools being a doctor. Oh, and an update

on covid nineteen. In an interview yesterday, President Biden said that, while we still have a problem with the virus, quote, the pandemic is over. Yes, yeah, but I get why Biden said this. I mean he just had covid everyone. Everyone who gets covid's over covid everyone, and sooner done. They're like, it's done for everybody. Let's stop this bay, stop breathing in each other's mouth. All right, but let's

get to the big story that everyone's talking about. Two weeks ago, as you all know, Queen Elizabeth died of being old, and it's been a wild two weeks since. Right, lots of heats and debates from all sides. She was an icon, she was a tyrant preserved the monarchy, getting rid of the monarchy. We hate Charles. We also hate Charles. But today, today Britain said, Hey, let's suppress our feelings as usual because it's the queen's funeral, and they did

it in a major way. So let's catch up on the UK's Big Day in our latest installment of the Royal Rumble. Today Queen Elizabeth was laid to rest at one of her favorite castles, but before she was buried, the public was given a chance to visit her casket and pay their respects. Overnight that incredible line of mourners snaking through central London. Thousands patiently waiting to pay their

respects to Britain's longest reigning monarch. Tens of thousands from around the world eight for hours to see the Queen's coffin, with lines now stretching five miles to see her lying in state. They're predicted weight tonight an incredible twenty two hours. We've been waiting for ten hours since four o'clock the small even soccer Stan David Beckham lining up overnight for thirteen hours. So I think there was a reminder of how much people in this in this country, really like

to line up. It really is a national pastime. British people enjoy queuing, as they say in this country. It's an interesting takeaway. Why are these people here? They just like lining up. That's a there's something else. No, no, they're just really like lining up. I don't think they also like the Queen. But but this is true. Apparently standing in line is really popular in Britain. It's like

the national pastime. And before you make fun of them for doing something so boring, don't forget America's national past time. It's baseball, you know, which is yeah, when people act as if someone died but they didn't. But twenty two hours in line, that's no joke. Twenty two hours because, remember, there's no iphone at the end of that line, all right, it's just the box and you don't even get to

open the box. And, as you heard, even David Beckham waited in line, which honestly, I found so impressive because apparently he was offered a chance to skip the queue and he refused, which is really admirable. I mean, especially when you consider that you don't know who you're gonna be stuck in that line with. You know what I mean? Yeah, because at the beginning you might be like, I'm just gonna stand in the line and next you know there's like an arsenal fan behind him for twenty hours, just

like man, you know it. Our ship says, said now, said now, God save the Creator. Miss so much awesome now. But after days of queuing, today was finally the Queen's a bit funeral and essentially the entire country shut down for this thing. You've never seen anything like it. Schools and businesses were closed. I mean that's a really great way of honor. You know someone who also never had to work. But but it was intense. It was also a little inconvenient for people. Flights were canceled to avoid

the noise. Hospitals even postponed surgeries. Yeah, and if you're supposed to get a surgery on a plane, forget it. That definitely wasn't happening. But for real, I think it's I think it's actually good. I think it's good that they postponed routine surgeries because, like everyone in the UK is distracted today. You know, kind of doctors coming out like Mrs Abbotts. I'm pleased to say the bum lift was a success, but but I needed a hip replacement. I know I need a new queen, but you don't

hear me complaining. I get out of here with that fat ask girl. Go on, shake it, just shake it. So obviously this was a huge deal, right and and, by the way, not just for the Brits. Leaders from all over the world flew in to be a part of this funeral. Now. What was a little strange was that President Biden arrived in a six car motorcade, meanwhile leaders from most other countries had to share buses. I

mean that must have sucked. It's like the whole point of becoming a world leader is that you don't ever have to ride a bus anymore. Imagine you're the emperor of Japan and you have to pretend you don't hear. Just introduce shopping in the bus bathroom. And obviously some people are mad that Biden got special treatments, but if you ask me, I think the other world leaders. They're the ones who benefits it. Can you imagine being stuck on a bus with Joe Biden? Joe Biden, the conversation

would never end. It's just him like so that Mr Prame, ministers car prop I said, listen, Jack, How did this trendon? I took his hand's side. What will you move into another scene? Come on, man, come on, listen. And world leaders what the only ones in attendance? No, the Queen's calls were there too, and this was really sweet. Yeah, they got to pay their lost respects. You know, see the Queen One more time and then, I assume followed the little trail of dog treats right into the tomb.

Very adorable. That's how the Egyptians did it. I'm assuming the English are the same. It's also like, why would you bring the dogs? Why are you torturing them? What were the dogs like sitting up in the morning? Can we get a treat? And like, I'll show you why. There's no more treats. But once the funeral was over, the Queen's casket was driven to winds the castle to give her one last chance to experience London traffic, and

everyone made it count. We're watching the royal procession of Queen Elizabeth's cough and cheers going up from the crowd, a crowd that has been quiet and somber throughout most of the morning, but now cheers as the Queen's coughin passes by, flowers being thrown from the crowd towards the Queen's coffin. This is probably my favorite part of a funeral. No, genuinely is. It's like there's a moment where everyone's sad because somebody's gone, and then there's the moment where you

celebrate their life. I love this moment. You know you're like Ha, ha ha. It's just a way that they were throwing the flowers onto the car's windshield while the dude is driving. It's a bit risky. Guy's gonna end up like just plowing right into the crowd. I just put those in the back with the Queen. Let's go,

let's go, we gotta keep moving, gotta keep moving. But aside from all the flowers and panties being thrown at the car, it was a beautiful procession with all the king's horses, all the king's men, basically everyone who couldn't save Humpty dumpty. They were there and it was a three Mile March from Westminster Abbey too wins the castle, also known as the long walk. Yeah, or as Kylie

Jenner calls it. Why didn't they take the jet? So there was a long ride to wins the castle, but it was worth the weight because the ceremony, the ceremony formally laying her. I just need to rest, was not to be missed. The most intimate moving moment was when the crown jeweler removed the instruments of state, that's the crown, the orb in the sector, removed them from the Queen's coffin and placed him on the altar, and then the head of the Queen's household broke his wand of office

and then place that on the Queen's coffin. That essentially signals, we're told, that this queen's reign is over. The coffin then lowered into the vault. There are ten other monarchs buried there at St George's Chapel as well. Yeah, as the world watched on Queen Elizabeth the second, the UK's longest reigning monarch, was lowered into the family vaults and whether you are full or against the monarchy, you cannot

deny this is a landmark moment in history. They broke the wand and it's official, a will say, and yes, it's because I've read too much Harry Potter, this thing could have just as easily been part of a wizard ceremony. You know, it's like a guy in a Cape Holding an ORB snapping a wand. By the way, why, why is the wand getting buried with her majesty, but nothing else? I feel like it's kind of a letdown right, because they could bury her with the crown and the ORB,

but they're like no, no, we'll we'll hold on to these. Yeah, you can be buried with this broken pool cue. There you go. An executive from the Vegan Burger company beyond meats was arrested after a fight in which he allegedly bit another man's nose, which, Goddamn. When vegans have a cheat day, they really go hard. They go hard. In Health News, the FDA has officially warned people not to do a tiktok trend called the Ni Quel Challenge, which is where people are cooking chicken in night quel. I

don't know. I mean, this sounds fake to me, but if it's not, why would you stop it? Huh? White people are finally seasoning their chicken. That's a wind. Let Them Go. Let him gird. Oh, and in international news, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is facing criticism after a video circulated showing him singing Bohemian rhapsody at a London hotel two nights before the queen's funeral. Yeah, yeah, people, people are saying it was disrespectful and and they're right right.

You don't. I don't sing a song by Queen when the Queen has died. That's insulting. You Sing Wu Tang. It wasn't a favorite group. No, serious, I don't. I don't get why people also anger a bothers. Who Cares? It's not like he's saying another one bites the dust.

You know. No, it's too sensitive. But let's move on to some of the biggest stories of the day, starting with a criminal case that was probably in your ears every Thursday morning back in a judge in Baltimore today overturned the murder conviction of add non said, whose case was featured in the hit podcast serial and ordered his release from prison. So I had now forty one walked out of the courthouse after spending more than two decades

behind Mars. In vacating the ruling, the judge found that the original prosecutors did not turn over evidence to the defense that could have helped. Said, and evidence uncovered since would have added, quote, substantial and significant probability that the result would have been different. The decision to vacate science conviction came down just hours ago and tonight he's back home with family and, as you can see in this video, one of the first things he did his co right

for the fridge and dive into some leftovers. I'm sorry this this is an insane story. This guy was sentenced to life in prison. Then years later, a podcast brings attention to his case and now, after twenty two years locked up, he gets to go home. And I know, I know, people are celebrating this and understand why, but I'm gonna be honest with you. I find it weird that America confuses fixing a mistake with a happy ending. You know what I mean. Like, good news, we got

out of Afghanistan. Why were you there in the first place? Good News, we got emergency water to Jackson, Mississippi. Why do you need emergency water? Good News, we took all the pink slime out of the meat. The Pink what now? So, yeah, it's happy, but come on, people, I will so I will say it was hot warming, though, to see him back home with his family eating leftovers. You know, yeah, no, just because, knowing families, there's probably one uncle who was like,

who at my leftovers? I know you did twenty years but I was saving that. But can you imagine that that guy was in prison since the year two thousand? Think about all the things he's missed out on. He's gonna be chatting to his friends like, Oh man, I'm so excited to be free. Let's go to an arcady concept. They'll be like, I got some bad news. Yeah, but this does raise a big question, right. What does it say about America that it takes a podcast to help

free a man from prison? Because what I think it says is that either America needs to reform its justice system or podcasts needs to become part of the justice system. Yeah, think about it. Think about everyone hates jury duty, but everyone loves podcasts. So maybe we get rid of juries and just had everyone in America listen to the podcast and then they all vote. It just becomes a nationwide jury. They're paying attention. They actually called, because this is something

I've realized. If you add entertainment, Americans are always interested. Like nobody wants to sit in the courtroom, AH, but people have watched seven hundred seasons of law and order. Sometimes during jury do that. This is boring. I'm gonna Watch more law. Think about if the trial is a podcast, everybody wins. Right, justice has served, jurors on board and, best of all, everyone gets to go home with a Promo code for a shirt that you don't have to

talk in. Now here's here's the thing. The full story is this. It wasn't just the podcast that helped free say it. What happened was so I had got lucky enough that his case came up for a view to a prosecutor who used to be a public defender right and that prosecutor dug through the case files deeper than she had to and found all sorts of problems with the original prosecution. So she asked the judge to vacate

the conviction and, let's say, had go. Yeah, and they did this while they decided whether or not to put him on trial again. But remember, the prosecutor didn't have to do any of that. She could have just said yeah, maybe it wasn't a completely fair trial, but tough ship. But no, she said no, if we're gonna put somebody in prison, it has to be without any doubt. And that shows you the difference between a justice system that wants justice versus a system that just wants to put

people in prison. This prosecutor is like those employees in the shoe store who offered to check in the back when they don't have your size, you know what I mean, when they actually go, let me check it out, as opposed those employees. We're like sorry, man, I ain't got your size. You're like, can you check in the back? They're like no, I'll be better if it's a chop

with your feet. I'm get more people like that. But let's move on to some news about climate change, because, no matter what else is going on, climate change is still happening. The ice caps melting. It's not like they're like, Oh damn, did you see that Adam Levin story on Tiktok? I'll melt later because you gotta check this out. No, the climate change is still getting worse, and it doesn't

mean that it's gotten worse for everybody, though. In fact, in Mexico, the effects of climate change have created business opportunities for drug cartels. An investigation by Vice News has found that Mexico's notorious Sinaloa drug cartel is now in the water business. After a major drought dried up lakes and rivers across northern Mexico, the cartel began siphoning off anything that remained and selling it to farmers and businesses.

In some cases, they even hijacked water trucks at gunpoint. Yeah, you hear that drug cartels are running water now controlling the water. We laughed at the Fire Festival guy, but sooner or later every one of us is gonna be sucking for a bottle of Poland spring. Because here's the thing. Just because climate change happens gradually, it doesn't mean it's not a crisis. And People Watch Mad Max and they're like, oh, that's a bit unrealistic, but remember that's not day one.

Didn't start like that and morten Jordan's roll up into the office like that. It was gradual. And if drug cartels are not gonna be selling water, that means now we have to be worried about whether or not it's pure, if we're not gonna start cutting it with like like urine or, you know, or even worse, Tasani. You never know, and if you're not disturbed about what's happening in Mexico, you should be, because water is a re source people. It's a resource that everyone needs to survive. It's not

something that should be controlled by drug cartels. That's Nestle's business, and sin aloa stepping on their Goddamn turf beend their hall. Speaking of climate change, as the world tries to become more green, one of the major challenges has been airplanes, all right. The problem is it's hard to make them green and we need them. We use them for everything, you know, shipping products people, you know, dragging giant signs across the sky so people know that there's a mattress sale.

Without planes, how are you ever going to join the Mile High Club? Uh, have you ever tried to smash in a hot Air Balloon? The splinters get everywhere, plus that old man is judging you the whole time, while you're paid for an hour. So you should have got fifty seven minutes left kid. So the truth is we're gonna have to get serious about fighting climate change, even if it means taking some big swings, which is why Air Canada has made an exciting new announced. Eric Canada

is buying electric planes for the first time. It is purchasing thirty battery powered regional aircraft from Heart Aerospace, a Swedish company. The planes can carry up to thirty passengers and will generate zero missions. Now that's what I'm talking about, people.

Electric planes cleaner, efficient, quieter. So now you'll really be able to hear the baby crying behind you, you know, and I was like, oh, that's one thing I don't know about you, but I'm excites this, for this, you know, like I can't I can't wait to fly on maybe the second or third one they make. Yeah, like left the flat for a year and then I'll jump on. I'M gonna jump on immediately. I mean, like, here's the thing.

They won't even let us fly with a big battery on a plane because they're scared it will burst into flames. But now the whole plane is just a big battery. You aboudy been comfortable with that. I'm just saying, I got to know. Maybe we just make everything on the ground electric first before we do it in the sky. It's gonna be dope when you think about it, you know, because once electric planes are going, it's gonna be easy. You just leave them, plug them charging at the airport

and boom, zero emissions. We should also prepare ourselves, though, for that occasional flights when we find out at thirty feet that the plane wasn't fully charged because, yeah, because the plug did that thing which just hangs off. So the plug does that. Now you're on four percent. It's just like a ladies and gentlemen, does anybody have a portable charger. I'm I'm joking. That's not how technology works. Come on, people, if the plane gets low on battery,

just put an airplane mode. Problem solved. Come on, fright. Finally, finally, here's a story. Here's a story I have to share with you, guys, because I can't tell if it's amazing or terrifying or both. Like, how many ants do you guys think they are on earth? A billion, a trillion? What? It turns out your way off. And The Washington Post reports scientists calculated how many ants are on earth and

they say the number is unimaginable. Scientists from the University of Hong Kong analyze hundreds of studies and concluded that there are nearly twenty quadrillion ants burrowing around the planet. Uh, there are about two and a half million ants for every person. Wow, twenty quadrillion ants on the planet. I've heard that news today and I was like what, that doesn't even sound like a real number. Sounds like what I makeup if someone asked me how many ants they

on the planet. Be like, I don't know, like quadrillion. But no, an actual scientist has counted them all, and I mean that's the person I feel bad for because they were probably like seventeen quadrillion, seventeen quadrillion and thirty six. I was like, any time you want to grab a coffee. I was at the metal of something one, two, three, and you heard what they said. They said this number means there are two point five million ants for every person,

and that's really bad news. Yeah, because I can fight like twenty ants tops. After that, I'm leaving the picnic. The producers of the James Bond Movies have announced that costing is officially underway for the next double or seven. Yes, but, but, but, they say whoever takes the role must make a ten to twelve year commitments, which is a bit weird. I mean, if there's one thing, James Bond is not known for

its long term commitments. In Health News, a panel appointed by the Department of Health and Human Services has formally recommended that all Americans under the age of sixty five should be screened for anxiety. And I'm gonna Save you some time. Yeah, everyone's Goddamn ass. All Right, I'm gonna be screened. What do you mean if you live in America and you don't have anxiety? You're asked me, is

a mental health screen, like a full one. And, by the way, I love how they're recommending the screenings, but only for people under the age of sixty. Yeah, what about the people over sixty five? It's basically they're like, well, whatever you're worried about, it's gonna be over soon. So, in Military News, Space Force has officially released its theme song. He has a sample. It sucks, all right. In Uh, in economic news, the Federal Reserve has raised interest rates

yet again. Yeah, to try and get inflation under control. And I don't know people, after three big interest rates increases, that like they haven't stopped inflation. Maybe he's trying to try to try something different, you know, maybe we just invite inflation to a party. Yeah, and then when it gets drunk it passes out with draw a dick on its face. It won't change anything, but it'll be funny inflation.

All right. Let's move on to some of the biggest stories of the day, starting with the only ex president who spends more time with his lawyers than his grandkids, Donald Jurassic trump. Now it turns out the former president is somehow in more legal trouble than ever, and we're gonna find out why? In another installment of America's most

tremendously wanted. Now we all know that Donald Trump is already in legal trouble for January six, for Ealing classified documents, for meddling in the vote count in Georgia and for having an ask that just will not quit. But now he's also in big trouble with New York's attorney general. We are in unprecedented territory once again. The New York Attorney General has just filed a sweeping fraud lawsuit against former president trump, three of his adult children and the

trump organization. A G Leticia James says they were involved in a decade long financial scheme that allowed trump to falsely inflate his net worth by billions of dollars. James says the investigation uncovered some two hundred examples of false valuations of trump's assets, and she thinks this civil case will have serious criminal fallout. The pattern of fraud and deception that was used by Mr Trump and the trump

organization for their own financial benefit is astounding. Claiming you have money that you do not have is not amount to the art of the deal, it's the art of the steel. Oh, Donald Trump is in trouble now? Yeah, because when a prosecutor uses a rhyme, you're about to

do time. Now. I'M NOT gonna lie. I'm not optimistic, but if half of what the Attorney General is saying is true, trump is an even even bigger comment than we all thought, because he's accused of lying about the value of his properties for decades, for decades to defraud the banks into giving him better loans. Right, and these are not small amounts and small. For instance, Mar Lago was worth seventy five million dollars and what a trump said was worth seven hundred and forty million dollars. How?

Because I upgraded it, folks. Yeah, totally upgrade. I added a rap room, he's got a foosball table and everything. He also claimed. He also claimed that his eleven thousand square foot apartment was actually thirty square feet, which was a lie. So this man is gonna be the first person to ever get in legal trouble for claiming his apartment is a grower, not a shower. And I'M gonna say, I've got to say, it would be so funny if this is what takes trump down. Huh. Can you imagine?

He tried to overthrow the government. But then they get him for lying about having an in unit washer dryer. It's like that's the thing that locks him up. And and according to this lawsuit, it wasn't just Donald. Apparently the whole family was involved in the scheme, which is pretty disappointing. I mean, I expect this from Donald Trump, you know, and and also from dawn Jr and and also from Ivanka. But but Eric Actually, actually, yeah, he

seems like the Karaguy who would do this. All right, let's move on to something to national news, and it's about Ukraine. We want to begin this morning with that breaking news out of Russia. Overnight, Vladimir Putin doubling down in his war against Ukraine. VLABR Putin is preparing for a longer and more intense war on Ukraine. In a speech carried nationally in Russia, the president said he will

put up three thousand military reserves to active duty. Vladimir Putin is being pushed into a corner warning the waist. He still has weapons of mass destruction, read that as nuclear and he's prepared to use them, because we will use all the means at our disposal to protect Russia and all people. He said this is not a bluff. Wow, wow, wow. Seriously, Putin nukes, the n word, not cool man, not cool. That's America's word to use. He does sound serious, though.

You heard him, you heard what he said. He said this is not bluff. Well, to be fair, this is not a bluff. What someone who's bluffing would say? Yeah, it wouldn't be very effective if it was like a nuke entire world, but I am bluffing, so don't Larry. By the way, I know this is random, but I find it funny that he has the two landlines behind him in the victor no, I mean like, I get the one, the one. Maybe that's what like the nuclear

codes s anyway. But what's the other line for? Because he also like a part time telemarketers, just like Mr Andrew Bob, I'm preparing for Nuclear War, which is why, in life, in shortance is very important right now. Could I through the shield? Through it? Who Am you know, one of the most frustrating things about this war is that the only reason it's still going on is because Vladimir Putin is trying to save face. Right. He just he just doesn't want to be seen to be losing

and it made me wonder. Do you think Putin knows how to lose? Like, do you think he knows how? Because, think about it, the Dude plays an annual hockey game where the Russian team lets him score thirty two goals, right. He somehow wins the judo contest against professionals every year, so it actually wouldn't surprise me that he can't accept

the concept that he can lose. You know, it's it's almost like when parents let their kids win everything and when they're like wow, billy, you ran so fast, you win again. Then the kid grows up thinking that losing isn't a part of life. All right, that's why, when I raised my four year old nephew last weekend, I smoked his ass, Bamn, lets him in the dust death. Then I gave him a rematch and I smoked his ass again. I mean, yes, he cried, yes he cried,

but you know what he won't do? Invade Ukraine. Yeah, all right. Finally, let's turn to the world of sports, where some really exciting stuff going on. In baseball, Aaron judge is on hate historic home run check, crushing it out there. In football, the giants won a game, but the most exciting us of all is coming out of the NBA, and it's because the king has a new crown and it looks like basketball icon, Lebron James, is

trying something new. The Lakers star posted this picture on his instagram stories, sitting in a barber's chair with no hair. For years, Lebron's hairline has been the subject of countless means. Okay, okay, who it is? Lebron Jays. I love it. There's a dope. Look no one that's making use Lebron James. Not only does he look better, this is gonna be trouble for the rest of the can you imagine a more Aerodynamic Lebron? He's gonna be unstoppable. Two points. I'm calling it right now.

I'm glad Lebron did this. I'm glad proud of him, because his hair kept on receiving further and further back. There's nothing wrong with that, but it just was, you know, he's Lyne was so far back, Steph, he was hitting threes from behind. It ready. Disrespectful, Steph Goble. For Real, he looks good. I like it slick. Still got the beard. In fact, it's so good it's inspired me to do it too. That's right, the time has come. Thank you,

Lebron example. No, I'm guys, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Calm down, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. God blessed me. Come down the ongoing legal troubles of America's president, Donald Jurisdiction trump, the only former president with the side gigs selling bedazzled classified

documents on Etsy. You see, trump is still being investigated by the Justice Department for keeping over one classified documents in a closet at Mara Lago, pretty much the least secure place in the world outside of Adam Levin's D Ms. And trump and trump world has been coming up with all kinds of defenses for what he did. They said, Oh, the FBI plans on the evidence. They said everyone takes work home with them, and then they said trump was

trying to protect the documents from Nicholas Cage. But last nights last night, during an interview with Sean Hannity, trump came up with a new excuse that may have topped them all. I defy and Donald trump pushing him back. The former president is insisting he had the power to be classified documents. Sees, from his moral law go home. Just by thinking about it. If you're the president of the United States, you can declass if I just by saying stick less, even by thinking about it, and there

doesn't have to be a process. There can be a process, but there doesn't have to be hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. Donald Trump can declassified documents with his brain. How? How? He can't even read documents with his brain. How? How does this happen? I really hope that I can make things happen with my mind. is going to be the actual argument at the trial? That

would be great, your honor the defendant pleads Jedi. So trump is saying that he de classified these documents just by thinking about it, which I don't even believe, because that will be the first time in his life that trump has thought something and not said it out loud. Think about it. This is a man who thought to himself, who, if I wasn't related to my daughter, I would date her, and then he told everyone on TV. He set it

out of his mouth. And by the way, by the way, if this all happened in his head, you do realize that means now the FBI is gonna have to raid his brain for the evidence. That's gonna be a nightmare for them. Oh guys, all right, let's see what we have in here. Wow, it's a lot of bikinis. A lot of bikinis in here. Miss American a bikini. Is that Putin in a bikini? A hamburger in a bikini? Oh, what's hold up, hold up, I think I found the documents.

I got them, the classified documents, but they're in a bikini. Now, if we had more time, we could talk about the massive ramifications of Donald Trump having a superpower. That only applies to documents, but we just we don't have the time because in that same interview he gave a different excuse that was even more mind buggling. Here is Donald Trump's new theory, revealed just an hour ago, about what the FBI was really looking for, what their search warrant.

There's also a lot of speculation because of what they did, the severity of the FBI coming and raiding marl ago. Were they looking for the Hillary Clinton emails that were deleted, but they are around someplace? Were they looking for the spines? No, no, they may be saying. They may have thought that it was okay. Wait, wait, wait, what what even Sean Hardy's like, wait, I'm sorry, man, I'm I wrote with you, but I

don't understand. Like what? I was so confused. But so is trump saying the FBI rated his house to find Hilary's emails. So they didn't want the documents he declassified with his mind. No, they wanted the emails he couldn't find, but that he actually had the whole time at his house, because Donald Trump is Hillary Clinton work. So America really

did elect its first female president. This is so insane and if we had more time, we could talk about how great it is that Hillary trump broke the glass ceiling, or we could talk about how amazing it is that Shoran hand he basically gave trump a softball and trump hit himself in the dick with his bats. But we

don't have the fun. We don't have the time, Jeff, fun with all of that, because while American people are getting embarrassed by their leaders, it runs people are rising up against a hundreds of Iranians risking their lives to protest the country's ultra conservative dress code for women, and much more. If they were sparked by the death of twenty two year old Massa Ameni. While she was in

the custody of Iran's notorious morality the police. She was detained for the crime of showing her hair in public and a brave show of defiance, women in Iran's capital of Tehran are now removing their state mandated h jobs in the scope of these protests John are rare, but also unprecedented in their feminist nature, where you're seeing women at the forefront of these protests, leading these protests, taking to the streets, removing their head scarves, setting up bonfires,

burning their head scarves, in chanting death to the dictator in reference to the supreme leader. Yeah, women in Iran, women in Iran who who all have stories of being detained or harassed by the morality police, of fighting back, and rightfully so, rightfully so. Thinking about you're gonna have a bunch of random people walking around Iran telling women what to do with their own bodies. Huh? In America you have to be on the Supreme Court to do that.

And what the women, ever, are doing is inspiring peop all over the world. I mean, you're show them, they're chanting death to the dictator in front of the dictator's troops that is the definition of bravery, like actual bravery, real bravery. Yeah, I'm like, it's not like the way we use it here, like when a musician tries acting. Oh,

this is a real risk for you. And that bravery has been contagious, because in the past week these protests have gotten bigger and angrier and in response, the Iranian government is trying to control the flow of information by shutting down access to APPs like WHATSAPP and instagram. But this is something I wonder. What these governments do? They do? I realize that people protested before social media. All right, yeah, like civil rights leaders didn't have facebook. All Right, Nelson

Mandela wasn't on Tiktok like your sire. And now certain straight up kicking and present. Now, if we had more time, we could talk about how this protest follows on the heels of a series of events that has turned Iran into a powder kick. The government's covid response was terrible.

Water Miss Management has caused massive droughts, the government has brutally suppressed labor protests and, on top of all of that, the United States has sanctioned around so badly that people can barely afford medicine so this protest and this moment in time has many people in Iran wondering if this is going to be a tipping point. But we don't have the time to cover all of that, because it turns out Iran's government is not the only one that's

feeling the heat. This morning, more than one thousand Russian protesters detained by Russian police after taking to the streets because young men chanting I don't want to die for Putin, mothers screaming send Putin to the trenches, let our children live. This after President Prutin suddenly announcing pinky would call up three hundred thousand men for military service after his massive

losses in Ukraine, other Russians are fleeing the country. Flights from Moscow to all Pisa free destinations selling out quickly. There are also long lines of cars heading to Finland, which has open borders. Yeah, that's right. After Russia's angry as Elf announced that he was going to be drafting three people into his war in Ukraine, the Russian people are trying everything to get out of the country, which I totally get. I get it. I mean think about it.

Think about it. This guy is fighting a war for no reason. He made it up. It's like when your friend gets drunk and then tries to get you involved in a fight that they started. He's like, come on, bro He spilled his shirt all over my beer. As like yeah, I'm just gonna Uber Home. And remember, the Russians don't have uber. So they're trying every other way to get out, you know, any way they can. Some are flying out, others are driving cross border, some are

even hitting up Rhonda sanctus pretending to Venezuelans years. My name is Bi Mingo. We Fly Martha's vineyard the years. And Look, if we had more time, we could talk about whether the resistance to Putin's draft could spare more opposition to the war itself. Oh, we could talk about how Putin needing to have a draft undermines everything he set up until now, because, remember, he's always insisted that this wasn't even a real war. So what do you

need thousand more soldiers for? Huh? Because he need help moving that giant table. It is. It's. Well, we don't have the time to figure that out because while Russia is ramping up the war in Ukraine, here in New York City there was a major escalation in the wall on crime. Well, the M T A taking some new action to make our subway safer. It's going to install security cameras in every New York City subway car. The M T A adding surveillance to more than six thousand

four hundred subway cars. That's about twelve thousand seven hundred cameras of five point five million dollar cost. Today Governor Hokel got to test a major expansion of the surveillance system. Watch here as Hocal and MTA Chairman Janno Lieber Board a seven train at the corona yard, and then the hidden camera on board records them. Do you think big brothers watching you on the subways? You're absolutely right. That

is our intent. That's right, I'm big brother watching over you, just like in that book I Kelly, didn't finish reading. Why would you want to be big brother? I get that they're trying to address crime, but we already have in all the subways. They're called IPHONES. Anything, anything that those security cameras are gonna pick up was already on Tiktok twodays ago. Don't get it twisted. And here's the thing.

I'm not saying New York shouldn't try to make the subway safer, but is it the right way to spend the money, especially when you consider how many other problems with the subway require funding, making them run on time, upgrading the stations to improve safety and accessibility, maintaining them so that they don't always look like ship's about to go down like have you been in the New York City subway lately? It looks like the world ended and will Smith is about a shop with these dogs. That's

how it looks. Before we go, I just wanted to remind you that much of Puerto Rico is still without power in the wake of Hurricane Fiona. So please consider supporting Hispanic Federation. They're already on the ground providing emergency relief services and essential supplies to the communities that are most affected by the storm. So if you can, please donate at the link below. The next few days are going to be essential to get emergency services and supplies

to all of those who need it the most. Daily show with Trevor No ears edition. Subscribe to the daily show on Youtube for exclusive contents and stream full episodes anytime on paramount plus. This has been a comedy Central Podcast