You're listening to comedy Central. Novak Djokovic, Serbian tennis star whose name is worth up to a hundred and forty points in scrabble. This is supposed to have been a big week for Djokovic, but like my dream of starring in the biopic of wird L, it wasn't meant to be. The Australian Open got underway Monday without the world's number one ranked male tennis player, Novak Djokovic, returned to his data Serbia after being deported from Australia for not being
vaccinated against COVID. The Australian government said it canceled his visa because Djokovic's presence could lead to an increasing anti vaccination sentiment and even civil unrest. Australia requires everyone entering the country to be vaccinated or have a medical exemption. Djokovic had an exemption because of a recent COVID infection, but it's sparred to outrage in Australia, a currently prompting the government to act. An opinion poll yesterday showed of
Australians wanted Djokovic deported. Damn, it says a lot about you when that many Australians think you're too dangerous to be in their country. I mean, this is the country whose health minister is a giant, poisonous spider, or I get things done in Australia is the last country you want to get reported from. I mean, imagine, imagine stepping off a twenty five hour flights and then immediately having
to get on another twenty five hour flights. I don't know what Djokovic thinks is in the vaccine, but it can't possibly be worse than breathing in thoughts for fifty hours straight. But then again, it's not that surprising that Djokovic would be against the vaccine. Keep in mind that this is a man who says he knows that he has a gluten intolerance, and this is completely true because he's physically weaker if he's holding a slice of bread. Yeah,
so gluten works like kryptonite for him. You think COVID is scary, but Djokovic could die just walking past the bakery. I will say, as hard as it is to sympathize with Djokovic, it is a little disturbing that the Australian government allowed him in then deports to him just because they change their minds. I mean, if a government can arbitrarily deports an athlete, or's to stop them from deporting a whole team? And how can we get it to
be the New York Jets? And also I love how the Australian government is proclaiming that there's some health component to this as if. I mean, you've been to Australia. It's not exactly the healthiest culture. They eat terrible food, They drink exuberant amounts of beer. A blue and onion has like forty thousand calories. Trevor, and you're gonna kick this guy out of the tennis tournament? You still haven't kicked out the stingray that killed Steve Irwin, you know
what I mean? And I can relate to Novak Djokovic because I've been kicked out of a bunch of outback steakhouses and same as Novak. They said it was an issue with my vs. Uh. I don't know what that means, but yeah, I stand with you. What's the guy gotta do to be allowed to play the tournament? Nine time champion, three time defending champion, world number one, tied all time for grand What do you gotta do Trevor get vaccinated. Yeah,
all right, let's move on to some technology news. Arguably the most important tech breakthrough of the last few years has been five G. And there are a lot of crazy conspiracy theories you might have heard, like five G causes cancer or autism, or it's a mind control tool. I mean a few weeks ago, it was actually going around that when they turned on five G anyone who had gotten the COVID vaccine was going to explode. This
is the thing people believe, which is ridiculous. I mean, I have five G on my phone and I turned it on before we came out here, and look, nothing happens, you see. But it turns out not everyone who has concerns anyway, it turns out not everyone who has concerns about five G with its and hats. This morning, the major airlines warning of a possible catastrophic aviation crisis beginning in less than twenty four hours when A T n T and Verizon are set to launch new stronger five
G technology which would give faster wireless service. The concern whether five G signals could interfere with radio altimeters that's the device pilots used telling them how far they are from the ground and helping them land and poor visibility. Executives from airlines including American Delta United in Southwest urging US officials to keep new stronger five G signals at least two miles away from US airports, saying in the letter,
immediate intervention is needed to avoid significant operational disruption. To be blunt, the nation's commerce will grind to a halt. One Union saying it's pilots are prepared to ground their planes if the f A doesn't act. Yeah, but how will they know how to ground their planes if there's five G? Just me, Okay, look, look, I'm not saying the airlines are making this up. I'm not saying that.
But we all remember how they said the same thing about regular cell phones for twenty years, right, Yeah, Remember how terrified they had us. Everyone airplane mortal, This plane could crash. One time, I forgot to turn off my phone and then the plane hit turbulence and I looked at my phone was like, ah, ship, that was me. I'm sorry, everybody, I'm sorry. So anyway, I don't think the airlines are gonna win this fight. And honestly, even
if it's true, this time if it's true. If you tell people that they can download a movie in a few seconds, but there's a slight chance it'll crash a plane, pretty sure people are gonna be like, yeah, it's it's worth it. I'll take that chance fast downloads. Also, how is this my problem? I mean, you want me to take on the cell phone company industry in the airline industry, right, you knew five G was coming? Comes after four G? You know it's after five G, Trevor, six G. How
how do you want me to go? You know you're asking me to take on the airlines, a place where I can't even get a full can of coke or I can't even change my middle seat. This is not my problem. But you know what crashed together? My friends? I love that. That's what friendship is all about. Love that all right, let's make all our moms happy and go to church with this next story. Have you ever seen a pastor who worked a little too hot to
keep the congregation's attention? Well, one pasta in Oklahoma, Well he just out did them all. It tells a church leader facing criticism for smearing his spit on a man's face during a sermon. It happened over the weekend. Gross so many people talk about this on social media. Yesterday, Pastor Michael Todd of Transformation Church in Vixby was giving a sermon on Sunday about how to quote receive God's vision can be nasty. He said, I just bought my dream car, and now you're gonna ask me to sell
it back and ride in the hoof. Do you get Yeah? Because the vision I'm about to give you it might get nasty. But the pastor says, while he was trying to make a point in his sermon on Sunday, he realizes that he crossed the line and the guy on stage that was his brother. How is COVID still spreading in America? We're doing everything rights. Huh, We're doing everything right. Look, I know it looks nasty, but I will say this Pasta's point that God might ask you to do stuff
that other people don't like, He's not wrong. Yeah. All these people who are like God doesn't want you to wipe your nasty split on people. Yo. Some where Abraham is like yo, he told me to kill my damn sir. I wish he just wanted me to spit on him. You know what, misterrapy, Me and my kid had to go to after that. She was never the same. The pastors just trying to say, sometimes God will give you a message that may throw you off, like flam in your face. And you know the fact that was his brother,
that he was doing that too. For me, that makes it even worse because now it feels like he just uses the scriptures to mess with his sibling. And God sents a great flood and to show you what that flood looked like, I'm gonna stick my brother's hand and some warm water while he sleeps. Donald Jumanji Trump America's best President. Last weekend, he was back on the rally circuit, kicking off his campaign to reclaim the Oval Office and
the White House Disney Plus account. But Trump might want to slow his role a little bit, because it turns out he's not the only one making plans for his future. Former US President Donald Trump, he isn't hot water to day with the New York Attorney General Letitia James says her team has uncovered numerous instances of quote, fraudulent or
misleading practices related to the Trump Organization's financial documents. The case also turning up the heat on Trump's children, who James says quote have been closely involved with the transactions in question. Investigators now taking legal action to compel Ivanka and Don Jr. To comply with subpoenas and appear for
sworn testimony about the company's financial dealings. Investigators say in two thousand sixteen, Trump claimed his triplex was worth about three hundred and twenty seven million because it was over thirty thousand square feet. In reality, the AG's office says it was eleven thousand square feet. They say the Trump CFO Alan Weisselberg, charged in a separate criminal case, admitted the value of Trump's apartment was overstated by give or
take two hundred million dollars. No, no, no, no, no, Donald, No, you can't exaggerate your apartment's value by two hundred million dollars. I mean, I'll get it if it wasn't an n f T. But this is an apartment, my friend. I mean. At the same time, Donald Trump does not give up. Let's be honest, Let's doodle brag about himself, even if it gets him in trouble. I bet when a cop asks him if he knows how fast he was going He's like, yeah, I do four billion miles a second,
the fastest anyone has. Every good. Oh, it's so fast, So fast? Do you want to test it again? So fast? Ask me what I've been drinking all of it? And look, I get on Trump for a lot of stuff, but I can't get mad at him for this because deep down, he's just a landlord and this is what every landlord in New York does. They'll say an apartment has three bedrooms, and then you get there, two of the bedrooms are somehow in the kitchen. But it's still the best deal
for your budget, so you sleep in the dishwasher. I mean, it is what it is, all right. But let's move on to the question everyone's been asking, what the hell happened to that package I owned? Well, it turns out your asshole neighbor didn't stripe it off your front porch this time. It actually got snatched long before that. If you ordered something from Amazon and didn't get it, it
could be in this mess. This is the scene in Los Angeless trains carrying crates of orders are being robbed, with packages strewn around the tracks as free trains slowed down or come to a halt. The thieves leap on board with bolt cutters, open giant containers and take whatever they want. This is what they leave behind, all these boxes, some empty, some not. Look this box was full of COVID home testing kits, a precious product, tough to buy
it many pharmacies. This Amazon envelope wasn't even opened. The thieves just tossed it away. This track, strewn with boxes, stretches as far as you can see in both directions. This entire area was cleaned up in mid December, which means that all of this came from train robberies in just the last month. God damn did you see that mess. It's like a Thomas the tank Engine episode of Hoarders. Ship is crazy and how could this happen in Joe
Biden's America? The President loves trains and now they're getting robbed old willy nilly. That's not right, people. This is like if during the Kingson administration everyone was rubbing blow jobs. It's unacceptable. I mean, what if those packages contained like your grandmother's blood pressure medication, depending on how you feel about your grandmother, that could be a disaster. And the worst part is that when they don't want the packages, they just leave them on the ground. I mean they
even ditched COVID tests, which is just dumb. Those tests are worth more than the actual train. And you know what this means, right, and knowing how picky these robbers are is gonna make Valentine's Day extra stressful because either your surprise gift doesn't show up and your girl is piste off, or it does show up and she's still piste off. Well, if this necklace was so great, why didn't anyone steal it off a train? You cheap best bitch. And no, I don't think these robberies should be used
as an excuse to have more police in America. I know people are going to say that you don't need more police for this. All you need is to fill one random train car with angry bees. Problem solved, all right. Finally, let's talk about a major new development in criminal justice reform. News anchor drop a Beach, jay Z and mc mill teaming up to support a proposed New York state law
that would block lyrics from being used during trials. Both jay Z and meek Mill they signed a letter saying this tactic effectively denies rap me using the status of art, and then the process gives prosecutors a dangerous advantage in the courtroom. By presenting rap lyrics as rhymed confessions of illegal behavior, they are often able to obtain convictions even
when other evidence is lacking. The rappers are joined by other artists, including Fat Joe, Big Sean, Kelly Rowland and Robin Thick, and imploring lawmakers to sign the Rap Music on Trial Bill and turn it into law. Yeah, that's right. When someone gets arrested, prosecutors dig up any rap lyrics they might have written, and then they present them like it's a confession, which is ridiculous. People. Rap is an art for right. These songs are performances. The rappers are
just reading out their journals. Just because you rap about killing someone doesn't mean you did it. It's just that a lot of words rhyme with kill, chill, hill, window, sill, uncle, phil, all of the words. You needed a rap song. And you don't want worries about legal trouble to interfere with musical freedom, especially not rap music, because throwing in the word allegedly after every rap lyric really screws with the flow.
Obamatomically allegedly. People are saying obomatomically, and if we're being honest, it's not a coincidence that they only do this with rap music, because this is just another way of targeting black people. I mean, half of country music songs are about the singer burning their excess car because they eated. But I've never seen any of them prosecuted for it. So I hope this law gets passed. I mean, the only downside is that criminals are going to use it
as a loophole to hide evidence. Every Wall Street board meeting is not going to have an m C in the corner. All my homies in the back, move your a couch to the Cayman Islands. Bim bim bim bi. Voting. It's what makes America the greatest democracy in the world. And if you don't like American democracy, America will come invade your country to show you in person how good
choosing for yourself is. And as we approached mid term elections, Republican led states across America are busy fine tuning their voting processes to make sure that they're even more perfect. Take Texas for example, during the last election, people were so frustrated by how many voting options they had. They could vote in person, they could mail it in. That was drive through voting. Too many choices. It was so annoying.
So now Texas are saying, don't worry. We're giving you fewer options, so you don't have to worry about choices anymore. Oh and in Georgia, voters were complaining about how many convenient ballot drop boxes were cluttering the streets. Well, thankfully, there's gonna be a lot few of them, and they're gonna be a lot harder to find this November. In Iowa, they're reducing early voting and closing the polls earlier on election day, which we can all agree as great, because
who wants to vote off the work? I mean, that's prime Netflix time. Baby democracy can wait. Now, all of these changes have just affected the process for voting, but some of America's most respected leaders also trying to fine tune the process for counting votes. And they're doing this to make sure that the votes are counted the right way. Allies have Donald Trump are trying to remove some of
the guardrails that prevented him from overturning election. Now, according to The Post, Trump and his supporters are pushing a plan to place loyalists and key election posts from pole watchers and precinct judges to county clerks and state attorneys general. We have to be a lot sharper the next time when it comes to a counting the vote is a famous statement, sometimes the vote counter is more important than the candidate. And we can't let that ever ever happened again.
They have to get tougher and smarter. Is that a famous thing? There's a famous saying that the vote county. I've never heard that saying in my entire life. I know I'm going to get a lot of flak for saying this, but Trump is totally right. He's right about being tough. You've got to count those votes hard. If you show any weakness, those ballots are going to take
your girl. And for Trump to say the vote counter is more important than the candidate, I mean that just shows you how committed he is to ensuring the democratic process goes the way he wants it to. I mean, think about it. Donald Trump said, stop thinking about me so much. It's unpressed into it. So that's just some of the admirable work Republicans have been getting up to.
But the Democrats have been trying to make changes of their own and if you ask them, everyone should be able to vote with barely any effort, which would be crazy because then everyone would vote, including Bill Cosby. So they've been pushing their own laws in Congress, and last night they almost got their way. We're gonna begin with
a major setback for Democrats on Capitol Hill. What would have been their landmark voting rights bill failed fifty two to forty eight in the Senate last night, with two Democrats joining all fifty Republicans in opposing a rules change to push it through. To noose surprises, it was Senators Kirsten Sinemon Joe Manson who helped Republicans kill hopes for filibuster reform and voting rights. Eliminating the filibuster would be the easy way out. It wasn't meant to be easy. Yeah,
Joe mentioned his rights. Everything in the Senate should be as difficult as possible. If Democrats want to possibil Chuck Schumer should have to carry it through a stage of American Ninja Warrior first. But yes, Republicans were able to use the filibuster to block the Democrats voting rights bill with the help of Democrats. Joe mentioned the Kurson Cinema because you see, those two do support the Democrats voting rights bills, they just don't support making sure that they pass, which,
when you think about it, is actually so inspiring. You know, Joe Mention and Kurson Cinema believed so strongly on the power of voting that they use their vote to block voting rights for the entire country. They they were un voting voting by voting. So it was the right thing for Mentioning Cinema to do, and basically everyone loves them for it. But as usual, there are haters out there
who just don't get it. If you think this bill makes sense, and if you're worried about the future of American democracy, and if you're prepared to vote for the bill, so why are you weight sting everybody's time and not voting for the rule change that allows us to pass the bill. You know, it's like inviting somebody to lunch and putting out a great spread and say you can't eat. This is why people shouldn't debate on an empty stomach. If we're not gonna pass this bill, can someone at
least pass me or goddamn sandwich. But this is just classic Bernie Sanders man. He thinks just because those two Democrats say they support the bill, they should vote accordingly. Really, Bernie, it's called politics, not logic tics. See what I did there, changed it with politics, and I made it. Maybe if he had spoken off to lunch, Bernie would have understood how much sense this makes, because what Joe Mention is saying is I want to help you out of the water.
I'm not gonna throw you a rope, but I want to throw you the rope. And any drowning man would agree. It's the thought that counts, Isn't that right? Drowning man can't hear what he's saying, but Greece So, for whatever reason, the rights of votes has gotten people very passionate on both sides. In fact, it's become such a big deal that they even woke up Joe Biden so that he could weigh in with the voting rights push hitting a
dead end. President Biden was asked whether this year's mid terms would be fairly conducted and legitimate after many Republican led states and acted new voting restrictions. All depends on whether or not we're able to make the case to the American people that some of this is being set up to try to alter the outcome of the election. It's never good for an American president to so seeds of doubt in the legitimacy of American elections. The language
is being used is clearly concerning. I thought that undermining our election results of a threat to our democracy. The last thing you wanted to hear was to hear from President Biden that there are questions about the legitimacy of the elections. You needed the presidents now we've got the best electoral system in the world. Yeah, that's right. Joe Biden needs to step up and say that not a single other country in the world has a better electoral
system than America. People in Denmark they wish, they wish they could spend all of election days sweating in a high school gym. I mean sure, that's why most functioning countries actually have the elections run by nonpartisan, independent commissions, you know, to make sure that politicians can't twist the votes and laws for their own gain. But that would
just be ridiculous. I mean, think about it. You want the people in charge of the election to have some skin in the game, right, That's how you know it's fair. Imagine how stupid it would be if a basketball game had a separate group of people on the court just to enforce the rules. That would make no sense. That's why instead, the strongest teams get to the side for themselves,
whether they committed any fouls. And that's why, my friends, America's electoral system is still the best, and why nobody should ever say otherwise, because it's not true, and also because even if it was, it will be really uncomfortable to hear. Before we go, America is facing its worst blood shortage in more than a decade, largely in part due to the drop in donation since the start of the pandemic. But giving blood is easy, and just one
blood donation can save up to three lives. So if you'd like to help end this blood crisis, you can sign up online with the American Red Cross, call on red Cross, or find a donation site near you through America's Blood Sensors at the link below. What's the Daily Show weeknights at eleven Central or Comedy Central and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount Plus. This has been a Comedy Central podcast