You're listening to Comedy Central. Wow, let's talk about Congress. It's the number one tourist destination for people trying to hang Mike pants. Now, you may not know this, but most members of Congress are forced to scrape by on am easily two hundred thousand dollar a year salary, which, when you think about it, is barely enough to afford a good prostitute. So naturally they need to supplement their
income by investing in the stock markets. It's a natural thing, but if you can believe it, there's now a new movement in Congress to stop members from trading stocks altogether. It's rare these days for this divided Congress to agree on absolutely anything, but there may be one issue. It has the likes of Alexandria Occasio Cortez and Kevin McCarthy on the same side. They're both among members of Congress
pushing for new restrictions on how lawmakers trade stocks. Democratic Senator John Ausoff just released a bit tonight that would force lawmakers to put their assets into a blind trust or pay a fine of their entire salary. GOP Senator Josh Holly is working on a version too, and in the House there's already a bipartisan bill called the Trust in Congress Act. This comes only a few weeks after a House Speaker, Nancy Pelosi doubled down on members right
to invest in the stock market. Members of Congress that there's thouses de band trading individual stocks while burning longer. No, I don't know to this second one. This is a free market in people. We're free market economy that should be able to participate in that. Okay, Well, first of all, I can't believe there's an issue that AOC and Kevin McCaffey agree on. Those people don't agree on anything except that those kids on E. Fourie are way too horny.
Don't you guys have homeworker. I'm pretty sure you can't put cocaine on a college application. And by the way, this bill, it's quite a move for a new senator like John Ausof. Think about it. The guy just got to the Senates and he's already coming after the wallets of his coworkers. It's like showing up to prison on your first day and being like, hey, Warden, I think
these guys are using spoons to dig something. But the question still is why do so many representatives from across the political spectrum want to ban Congress from trading stocks, and why is Nancy Pelosi against that? Well, let's find out in another installment of If you don't know, Now you know. The first thing to know is that historically Congress has had no restrictions when it comes to trading stocks for most of American history. Inside of trading, laws
that affected CEOs didn't apply to members of Congress. So if Thomas Edison testified behind closed doors, senences could just call up their broker going dump all my shares and candles. That ship's over. I tell you you see. They could use all of this advanced secret knowledge to make money for themselves and it was illegal for everyone else to do it. But for some reason, Congress could. I mean it may have something to do with the fact that
they were making the laws. Who knows. So it's no surprise that members of Congress have been really good at timing the stock markets. Economists of studying the portfolios of members of Congress and find they systematically outperformed the stock market. A study of data from the nineties showed senators trades outperformed the market by twelve percent per year. That crushes investment guru Warren Buffett, who only managed to beat the
market by two point five percent of that decade. The two thousand eight financial crisis turned out to be a free for all for insider trading on Capitol Hill. According to a Washington Post expose, a thirty five members cashed out on information they received from meetings with Treasury Secretary Hank Paulson and others. One of those attending was Alabama Representative Spencer Bachus. While Congressman Bacchus was publicly trying to keep the economy from cratering, he was privately betting that
it would. Buying option funds that would go up in value if the market went down, he would make a variety of trades and profit at a time when most Americans were losing their shirts. Now, look, I know seeing politicians profit off of an economic meltdown might make you angry, but don't forget they suffered to Do you have any idea how hard it is to pretend to be sad
when you're making bank. They had to give speeches of fighting the urge to do the dougie live on camera, and obviously something fishy is going on when members of Congress are doing better in the stock market than Warren Buffett. I mean, it definitely makes those fundraising emails even more annoying. I need five dollars by midnight, bitch, gonna talk to your trade. What are you talking to me for? I mean,
I don't know. Maybe I'm just jealous. Maybe I'm just jealous because members of Congress they get all the coolest secrets. You know, which stocks to buy, who the CIA is killing, where they're keeping the aliens. Every other workplace has stupid secrets. Like my coolest secret right now at the show is that our producer Shelley is pregnant and she's going to
surprise her husband on Valentine's a ball room. But when people found out about Congressman making money off of the financial crash, there was a big enough outcry that Congress was finally shamed into regulating themselves. They passed the Stock Act, which banned members of Congress from trading stocks based on private information and forced them to publicly disclose all their
trades within forty five days. But it turns out that legislation is like most members of Congress before, bed, completely toothless. It is certainly illegal for members of Congress to partake in insider trading, proving that is very difficult. If you want to nail them on insider trading, good luck. You can essentially say, listen, I was reasonably told by my broker I should sell, or I heard similar stuff from
a third party. D O J has yet to successfully convict an elected member of Congress based on this law. Even if the law is followed, it barely has any teeth. Nearly fifty lawmakers, with Republicans and Democrats, and nearly two hundred of their staffers have repeatedly violated the Stock Act with almost no consequences. You can make tens of millions of dollars with privilege information. And what's the penalty for failing to report these purchases. It's a joke. It's as
low as two hundred dollars. Who two hundred dollars is the penalty? I mean, look, I'm I'm no math expert, but but if I have to pay a two hundred dollar fine to make a trade that earns me millions of dollars, I feel like I'm coming out ahead, Like I'm making a thousand dollars in profit at least right two hundred dollars is not a penalty, people, that's the chip you throw to the deal after you win the poker tournament. Hell, you lose two hundred dollars just carrying
the million dollars to the bank. So it turns out that the Stock Act is just another one of those laws that no one enforces, you know, like jaywalking or pushing all the buttons in elevator. And don't forget, it's really hard to prove inside of trading. You just say you weren't even paying attention during that private briefing that you've got, which as a member of Congress is actually a very believable alibi. So the Stock Act really did
nothing to stop inside of trading. Like remember remember how those congressmen sold those stocks before the crash in two
thousand and eight. Well, the same thing happened again a couple of years ago before COVID hits multiple sentences, dumped their stocks off to intelligence officials told them in a private briefing that all those coughing people in China were about to tank the world economy, and still no one got punished, which is why even after the Stock Act, members of Congress continue to do so well that Some of them have their own financial groupies, and no one
has more than Nancy Pelosi. Some TikTokers are getting stock market ideas by tracking members of Congress, and one of their favorites is how speaker Nancy Pelosi. Nancy Pelosi just purchased millions of dollars in call options. You've got to see this. Shout out to Nancy Pelosi, the stock market's biggest whale. Apparently she's decided to go very heavy and text docks. I'm gonna show you guys which one she bought.
The Queen of Investing just spent three hundred tho dollars on this one stock, So I think I'll be picking up a couple of shares on Monday. This talk is about to go crazy because Nancy Pelosi bought it. Yeah, that's right. Nancy Pelosi is a star on TikTok and she didn't need to steal any black people's dance moves to do it. That's amazing. In fact, I almost respect
Pelosi's hustle. She's eighty one years old. Most of her friends are probably playing the nickel schlots right now, but she knows that it doesn't matter if it's casinos or Wall Street. The house always wins. Baby. Now has Pelosi been so successful because of inside information? There's no way to know. But what's clear is that just being a member of Congress means that you'll probably know about the bad stuff that will crash your stock before the rest
of us. Yeah, whether it's a housing bubble, elon musk coasting SNL and so all members of Congress are banned from trading stocks, Congress will keep having an edge over regular people, and it will all be completely legal, or at the very least so unenforceable that it's legal by default. What you gotta admit is such a smooth way to do corruption. In fact, it's such a smooth way that leaders in other parts of the world are starting to
take notice. Gentlemen, welcome to today's lesson. Say that to your people have given you the secret trust of political office. How do you use that trust to get rich? I will pass laws that help those corporations in exchange for money. No, that is corruption. What you do is you buy the stock in the company and then you pass the law. But that is also corruption. No, that is the free market. Say it with me, free market, free market. You do it in free markets. Free markets. Put it in your bonds.
Free markets markets good in America. If you say the word free markets, you can't do anything. It is like their witchcraft. But teacher, what if I get caught trending on my inside knowledge? Then you pay the pen out. But as the lawmaker, you get to decide the penalty. I'll pay two hundred dollars. That is insultingly low. Good job for your students. You know what to do. I will want the people, I'll save the children. I would buy stocks in a process. You have passed the test.
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