You're listening to Comedy Central, State of New York versus Donald J. Trump, All trumpet oh old Trump. It was indicted last week for paying a porn star hush money. You know, Trump gotta be mad. He paid all that hush money. Didn't nobody hush. It's messed up. It's in the word hush sh But no affair, no affair has been less hushed than this one. Everybody know about this damn affair. That's uncontacted. Tribes in the Amazon who know
that Trump bone Stormy Daniels. I do not know where the plane is, but I do know that Stormy Daniels spaint Trump with a magazine. Now excuse me said? Now look now, if you notice I did not do a native vaccine. I'm not trying to get canceled on my first stick. I am holding a spear my back, but I didn't do no accent. The point is Trump has been indicted, and tomorrow the circus is coming to town.
New York City this morning, preparing to become the setting for an unprecedented legal and political drama as Donald Trump returns to face the criminal charges against him. Mister Trump expected to face some thirty separate charges that first ever filed against a former president in an indictment handed up last Thursday, still secret and under seal until his arraignment.
Mister Trump's arraignment Tuesday will include being processed at the courthouse, with fingerprints and a DNA sample expected to be taken as well, but he likely won't be handcuffed and Secret Service agents will protect him at every turn.
That's right, Trump's got to provide a DNA sample, which, if you think about it, that's kind of how he got in his mess in the first place. Upside with Trump's DNA, the upside with Trump's DNA not an NYPD could probably solve a bunch the cold cases from navies. Why are they arraigning him like he's a normal person. He't a normal person. Trump and a normal person. Normal people don't bring the Secret Service to get arrested. And to be honest, I kind of feel sorry for the
Secret Service agents. How you get assigned to a former president. You're supposed to be going to baseball games and windsurfing. You get a signed to Trump. You gotta go to ratus. You gotta take a shak for this man. You gotta taste test of toilet wine. Make sure they poison you. Gotta dig the escape tunnel, then duck the dirt in a softball field. I'll never forget the day Donald Trump showed up on the guy with shiit Secret Service agents.
He thought I was then causing. But Morgan Freeman's terrible. I gotta work on. But it's not all bad for Trump.
You.
According to reports, He's already raised five million dollars since the news dropped on Thursday. Five five million dollars. This man is balling five million dollars. Do you know how many cigarettes that'll get you in prison? Honestly, this might be teaching this man the wrong lesson. Trump gonna start telling people to snitch on him for other crimes he did, just so he can get that bag too. Trump will
be the first man in history to pay unhush money. Well, going to jail might be the new way to fundraise if you're a politician. Hillary probably sitting around like, hell, five million dollars, shit, maybe they should have locked me up. And Trump's supporters aren't just supporting him with donations, They sound like they ready to do whatever it takes to avenge him.
After Trump's indictment, some on social media, called for war and said it's time for a real insurrection. This thing opens up a whole Pandora's box here, And I don't really think the left understands what they're getting themselves into.
It almost feels like they're pushing the population to react. We think they're demoralized and passive.
Let's see if they really are.
I'm probably at the best time to give it career or fifteen, and I think most people know that.
They are agitating for unrest, that that's the only way to interpret this. I'm ready for whatever's next, and I hope every other man out there watching this show, I hope you're ready for whatever's next. If that's what they want, let's let's let's get to it.
That look. Look, I can't speak for all the mother folks we just saw, but I'll but tell you this much. When a black man wearing a leather jacket heen fing around, I'm going doubt the motherfolks if you won't, but do not doubt this man. Look at them looking like Blade's granddaddy. Probably got the sword right down under the damn seat. But you got to give it up to these Trump supporters. Man,
you got to give them credit. They talking about showing up to the courthouse, showing up to the courthouse knowing that the NYPD will be there, and the NYPD will be ready. Look, I don't know if you've seen the footage of the NYPD, but they will pass. They made the playoffs every year. But you know, the NYPD, they might not beat these MAGA protesters too bad. Cops might recognize some of them from doing January sixth together. But but don't clap for the police going to January sixth.
But as passionate as Republicans are, you got to give them credit. This case is being quarterbacked by a black district attorney and not once have they called him the inward. That's excuse me, one, excuse me one sick here. I'm very proud of y'all. You're very angry about this, but at no point have you gone all the way to publicly using the in word. And that's growth. And I want you to know that I see you, and I see your progress. And that's just a little pat on
the back from your old uncle Roy. Now to me, here's what's weird about the reaction from Trump supporters. They're getting ready for revenge. For what Democrats did to Donald Trump. But they're also celebrating what Democrats did to Donald Trump because they think it will help them win the election. So to help me break that down a little bit more on that, return to the homie, Runnie Chang, Runnie Chang. Got to see you running, going to see you running? Now running.
Running?
Can you believe that some people think getting arrested is actually going to help Trump?
Yeah, because they're right. Of course, get arrested is gonna help Trump. You know how bad ass he's gonna look when he walks into the Republican debate with a face tattoo. Now, Trump's got street credit. You're black, you know what that.
Is, Ronnie. Jail is not an instant path to greatness. You know, jail, it's not an instant path to greatness. You're an Asian. You're smarter than this.
Yeah, yeah, I am Asian, which is why I know Trump is a is gonna be a modern Now he'll be like the Nelson Mandela of the people who put Nelson Mandela in jail. Everyone thinks they want upstanding leaders, but what they really want a bad boy who don't give a fuck. Bill Clinton got a blow job in the Oval office. And that's still the most popular thing you ever did.
No, No, that's not that's not true. That's not true. Yeah, well, name one other thing he did. Then he played saxophone on our Cineo hall.
Yeah, well that's just another form of blowing. Okay, face it, Roy, it's twenty twenty three. Being indicted now makes you a stronger candidate. It's like being a rapper or Martha Stewart.
Okay.
In fact, I'm calling it. Trump is now the official front runner for presidents.
Don't say that. Don't say that. Don't say that.
I just said it on The Daily Show with Roy Regin.
Don't say with Roy Reja, just say the data Shop.
The Daily Show with Royer Jr. Is officially says no, no, no, that Donald Trump is now the lead candidate in the presidential racist.
Seriously, that's your prediction? Trump Lands election already done?
Yeah, unless Joe Biden can also get indicted for something even crazier. I mean, I'm talking Hunter Biden crazy. Okay, none of this classified documents bullshit. No one gets a fuck about documents. Okay, No, I'm saying, at the next cabinet meeting, Biden's got to beat Pete Budhajest to death.
Oh this, how about this?
You could he could steal the nuclear bomb and use it to beat Pete Budajes to death. You should give me a medal for saying that twice, or Biden do something else illegal?
Okay, Roy, you're black. Okay, name some crimes. Grant the photo Possesson would intend to distribute. Writing bad checks will be your Wait a minute, mate, don't make me suggest crowns for the president.
Man.
You're saying, in order to win, Biden has to fight fire with fire.
Yeah exactly, that's that's a great pitch. Okay, He's just set the White House on fire, right with with Pete Buddha jets inside.
Okay, So, so.
Biden has to one up Trump.
Okay.
If Trump goes to prison, Biden has to go to solitary, get the death penalty, and then, just to be safe, go to Hell. Okay. So basically, whoever goes to Hell first will win the election, because that's democracy.
Baby, Okay, we gotta go to hell. They gotta go to hell. You make Hell sound like a swing speak.
Yeah exactly. Hell is like Ohio, except not as bad.
Okay, that's enough change. Everybody, give it up a run of show. Today was trump arraignment Day. He was breaking the years in a remarkable chapter of American history. For the first time, a former president faced a judge in a criminal courtroom on charges he broke the law. And it happened right here in New York City. Former President Trump leads not guilty to thirty four counts of falsifying business records related to hush money payments.
The photograph is stark and historic as we look at it.
Donald Trump, that's a man who looks like a defendant. You know, the former president.
I've seen that face not many times.
He's he looked somber. Look at you. Look at your ass. Now, the got yours.
Tough.
You spent all that money talking about the judge and talked about the d A or I'm gonna march in the courtroom and I'm gonna shut your ass up. Look at how sad Trump looks. My man looked like somebody told him his dog dotter that Mike Pence is still alive. And you can talk all the shit you want, but I'm telling your baby, the moment you in that courtroom, that shit get real. Trumps sitting there. Trump's sitting there like, wow, y'all really gonna do this too?
Man?
And he alone.
Ain't none of your boys around no more. You gave them all pardons, and everybody know you don't pardon all your partners. You gotta leave one in jails. They have somebody to talk to. And on top of all that, this, this, this is how I know Trump did something. I don't know what he gives to you, but he did something. To Look at that outfit first day of caught here in a suit that don't even fit. Why would you do that? Gwinneth Paltrow showed you the cheek cold boy.
You got to dress like you don't give them. You got to dress for court like you on your to somewhere else. Look at Gwyneth Palchow. You can't convict me. These glasses are called ers, Cardie. Is that how you say it? I don't know. I can't afford nice glasses. So, as you can imagine, it was a crazy day in New York and the city was ready for anything. Barricades were laid out, every police officer was on duty. Even Mayor Eric Adams said he might not go to the
club tonight. Just in case y'all need them, because you know he'd be in the club. He got to keep the phone on Vibrart, but call him twice so you know it's an emergency and the cops. I'll get the NYPD. The NYPD this, they were right to set up all the barricades. Trump supporters swarm downtown Manhattan and filled the streets with red, white, and blue. It was like a Puerto Rican Day parade for people who want to deport Puerto Ricans. And to the police's credit, to the police's credit,
to that credit, they handled it perfectly. They kept everybody on both sides far enough apart so nobody got hurt, but close enough so they could still roast the ship out of each other. A yes, ah, yes. The classics do nothing win an argument faster than a your mama. It hit like I said, just like your mama. You lose no matter what you said. Donald Trump was a political prisoner, unfairly talking about the criminal justices. Your mama, bitch, that's how it hit you. You bleed out. But it
was a crazy scene downtown. It was wild and one of the people making it crazy was Marjorie Taylor Green. Margaret Taylor Green, MTG. Swung down to the courthouse double Parker broomstick and took part, took part in the festivities, and today she offered a defense of the President that I've never heard before. President Trump is joining some of the most incredible people in history being arrested today.
Nelson Mandela was arrested, serve time in prison.
Jesus, Jesus was arrested. Jesus, Jesus, That's what I'm thinking too, Like Jesus, what the hell is wrong with this lady? How you gonna compare Donald Trump to Jesus. First of all, Jesus walked on water. Donald Trump can barely walk on land. Now, the crazy thing about all of this today is that Donald Trump didn't even have to come to New York. He could have done the whole arrayment at the crib because apparently they gave him the option to be arraigned
over zoom, you know, like Nelson Mandela and Jesus. But I get it. I completely get why Trump didn't do it over zoom. One, he'd have got on camera. They would have just found more classified documents in the background. Two, Trump wants publicity. Look at how he came out of Trump Tower this morning, giving the black power fist like a real political prisoner. He lives the shit like this. Hell Trump liable to show up the court every day dancing on top of a car like Michael Jackson. That
document in the media. Man, the media what they do? They played right along with it, giving us wall to wall coverage even when there was absolutely nothing to talk about. I will turn to you and show you He'll be coming.
Out the side door of Trump Tower there, so there is a sense of antis the patient that his movement is coming.
You can see some of the traffic heading northbound there, and I'm not sure, I'm much.
I can't remember off the top of my head of Fifth Avenue is one.
Way right his northbound out I think to the south, so that's not Fifth Avenue. I checked ways just before we came in.
It showed that that was the fastest route.
We expect him to enter through. And I think that was just him. Gillian, did you guys just see the former president walk out? Or is that just me?
There's Donald Trump right there.
I'm sorry that we just saw Donald.
Trump overhearing some radio traffic here at any moment, now see the former president walk through those doors.
So there are many doors into the courtroom. And it's not just this one door. There are side doors and there's a back door.
Photographer Evan shumrack Laser focused on that front door.
And many hallways that lead to each door.
If he does go through those doors, he will come by the camera.
The judge comes in a different door, a jury comes in even another door. A defendant who's incarcerated comes in a different door. The public comes in the main door. So there are many doors.
Okay, okay, so let me get this straight. You're telling me the courthouse has multiple doors, and different people come through different doors, and then those doors getting neck to other doors, and then those all the doors. Hey man, I'm learning so much about the legal system. Thank you Cable News. Now those doors, buildings got doors, and shit, he learned stuff. Now here's what bothered me about today.
I'll say this, Donald Trump deserves a fair trial. But I also want Trump to get the full American criminal justice experience, which is not what happened today. My man got to schedule his visit to the courthouse like he the cable man. Trump called the court a listen. I be down to the jail Tuesday between ten and two. Just make sure you get that. Then once Trump got there, there were no handcuffs, there were no mug shots, there were no purp walks. Well for Trump it would be
a purp waddle, but you understand. But you know that doesn't make the point. My point is I'm disappointed because today shows you how humane our courts could be. So many people get dragged into this legal system, and it's humiliating. You get handcuffed, you get gaukeed at, You wait days, sometimes months for an arrangement. Then you go into a building through one of those many doors. You get to
a room. They strip you naked, they spread your ash cheeks, They make you cough twice, which I never understood the second cough. But the first cough. I get. One cough is enough to know whether or not I got drugs in my booty. The second cof is for you. That's wrong. Am I sharing too much with y'all? Right now? I thought this was I thought I could open up to y'all.
Apparently No. My point is for the sake of this country, I hope that Donald Trump gets a swift trial, but that doesn't mean he should get to use the tsa pre check lane. But here's the good news. The New York investigation is just one of many into the former president, so we'll have plenty of other opportunities to get him
arrested correctly. So Georgia got priminal opportunities. So State of Georgia, if you're listening, when you finally get Donald Trump in your courtroom, make sure he coughs twice.
Tuesday's arrangement of former President Donald Trump in New York was a first for the nation and brought out the passionate, the sensibly dressed, and the kind of men who really disappoint their mothers. While I had fun getting into the scrum, I was surprised to find there were people who wanted to have meaningful conversations about the justice system.
I don't believe what we're what you're seeing is justice.
You don't believe in the grand jury process. I don't believe if this was a civilian it would I mean, he is a civilian, he's a person, but New York address, so he shouldn't go through the grand jury process. I believe it should be dismissed because because I uh, I'm going.
By general gut feeling the way I.
See it is.
You know, if the government is stepping over their bombs and doing what they're doing here in dugging Donald Trump. This happens all the time.
What stuff paid off aboard Star and then fudging business records.
I mean, come on, it's his own money for one thing.
And out of all the cases up against Donald Trump, this is probably the weakest one.
Probably the weakest.
There's no evidence to bring about this prosecution, so.
We don't know that until there's a grand jury. Who can then see that evidence.
You know, listen, I think that everyone, everyone should get get a fair trial.
So you would afford a grand jury looking at all of the evidence so that they decide to indict Donald Trump. Well, then we will let that happen.
Sure, certainly if there's evidence, you know, every every piece of evidence should be here.
I mean, that's what happened here.
There's an excitement in the he feels almost like the American version of a royal event at the king to bourne Star Pater and then lied about him, and that's the records.
Like an American coronation.
And then the Donald arrived, the former leader of the free world was now possibly in the same room as a group of recently busted subway master Baders.
I think he got the medium.
You think he orchestrated all of this.
Yeah, because his falls, like DeSantis was sort of was risy.
Now he's taking all the air out of the world room.
Now Trump at twenty sixteen, he.
Had all the media, Fox News, CNN was farmed. Now they don't cover him anymore. Now they have to get it arrested.
The smartest thing they could do.
He's like one of the smartest guys. Said, I know you're.
Talking about the man who's getting a finger run it inside that building right now.
I think they fingerprint on my red They have his DNA.
That guy's left the DNA in a lot of different places.
This is like the seventh time.
Could Trump run his electric get made for prison?
You can do anything? Trump?
Yeah, that doesn't wade you and anything, even if they give him thirty four felonies.
You know, it's just like Trump, he's untouching for him, He's a touch except.
The person who's literally touched his fingerprints. Have you donated for the Trump campaign since he was.
I haven't thought about it up until now, but I guess sign I can tear you.
Trump has fundraised like over five million dollars for this, So in some ways it's almost like he's getting paid to have sex. Is he a sex worker?
I mean it's cool, there's no judgment. Look, I think you guys are great. I love senses of humor.
But in many ways you should appreciate this is not funny.
Because they're going after Trump today, They'll go after me tomorrow, and then they'll go after you.
Did you pay off a port star and then live I dup this record?
Oh I'm sorry, that's gotta be frighting.
I guess he could come for us. And unless we've been involved in hutch Buddy payments and then lying on our business records and then I've been using that when it comes to the campaign as well, Like, I guess that could happen anybody.
Perhaps we don't need justice to be blushed. Just friend, lady, I guess tonight represents the great state of New Jersey in the UNI United State Senate. Please welcome Senator Corey Booker, New Jersey, New Jersey in the bill.
Who I think you look so good behind that desk?
Well, thank you, brother, I pro shake here, let me sit here.
I'm not in New Jersey. But can I just say the end of the Daily Show speed dating, Let's just settle and go permanent right now?
Thank you? Hang on now, we got to see what else the Daily Show bring to the table in the relationship. But you just can't commit right to what Let's talk a little bit about the elephant in the room that just landed in New York City. Now in Washington, what is your feeling right now with everything with the Trump
and Diamond? How much do you think this indictment is going to paralyze bipartisanship on actually getting laws pass in the next year because Trump has a way of sucking the wind out of conversations.
Yeah, look at the Senate. I don't think it's going to have much effect at all. You've heard Mitch McConnell's stay eerily silent. But I think this is a moment in American history that is pretty significant. Look, I believe deeply in democratic principles. I believe in the idea of the rule of law. But we've had a nation that hasn't lived up to those principles all the time. As
Brian Stevenson says, who's his death penalty defender? He says, we have a criminal justice system that treats you better if you're rich and guilty then if you're poor and innocent.
And so.
For me, this is one of those tough moments. So Donald Trump has flaunted the rule of law for a significant amount of his career and did it in a bullying way, whether it was lock her Up or even the exonerated five, the Central Park five, even after they were exonerated, failing to acknowledge that it was a travesty of justice.
So I.
Think that the Senate is going to be fine. They're going to be people trying to find compromise get things done. But I do think this is one of those moments where there's a thirty four count indictment that we have to wait and see what's in it. I think that there's a lot of rushing to assume partisan positions in this. As a guy who believes in democracy, believes in the rural law, believes in due process, Let's let's see what happened.
Okay, So then to that point of everybody rushing to choose a side, if that's what Republicans are saying public this.
What do they even see the thirty four count?
What are they saying behind closed doors. Is there is there a cafeterian de sendate? Do you have what are they saying in the cafeteria?
Like?
Man, you see that bullshit with the book.
Look, you forget this. But Trump has been on trial twice in the Senate, and he has had Republicans and Democrats both parties. People in both parties voted to convict him. We didn't have enough to meet the threshold for conviction. But there are a lot of folks on both sides of the aisle that think that this is a guy who has caused so much damage to our political system. He has really shaken the foundations of our democracy. Ideas about our democracy we've taken for granted over the years.
He has really threatened. Who would have thought that you'd be sitting there at your workplace and you'd be overrun by people storming the capital, raiving the Confederate flag, having T shirts celebrating the Holocaust and not to mention Viking Hatson. More so, this is this is this is a guy who has truly strained the very democracy of our of our nation, and we hope to hold them accountable for that. He's under investigation in multiple jurisdictions. This is a long
thing to play out. I'm just one of these folks that came to Washington to focus on criminal justice reform because we have this nation where we still have people. You know, look, one out of every three incarcerated women on the planet Earth are in the United States of America. We incarcerate people at levels here that are outrageous. So he, to me, is not my central focus. I'm not gonna let him tear me away from the important work we need to do in Washington right now.
Okay, love that.
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