The Elon Musk Files and His Twitter Takeover

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What do you think of when you think of the future.

Is it space travel, robots, trucks with the word cyber in front of them. Whatever your vision, there is one man working to make it a reality. He's part Thomas Edison, part iron man, part annoying dude in the group chat.

And is anything but your standard CEO.

I changed my title to to Techno Kang. And by the way, this is a formal SEC filing. It's I'm legally for whatever Techno kan. I just did that as kind of like a joke.

Yes he's a technic king, but as a joke, and soon we'll all be a service that in a funny way, because while he may be an eccentric satellite launching, terminally online billionaire who wants to plug people into computers and build a bad network of underground tunnels, it's not like he's some kind of super villain.

Eventually you can transform Mars into an earthlike planet. Drop the nuclear weapons over.

The pulse, well maybe a little so strappy turn on the autobott, but keep your hands on the steering wheel in case of pedestrians. Because this is the daily shiography of Elon Musk's visionary future man. Elon Musk was born in Pretoria, South Africa, in Earth year nineteen seventy one. His father made a fortune in construction and emerald minum. Because Africa's resources are like free money for white people.

Company that doesn't exist anymore.

Musts celebrated by buying himself a million dollar supercar.

There are sixty two of Clarents in the world, and I will.

Earn one of them.

Yes, Musk was so rich he could afford to have a midlife crisis while he was still in his twenties.

Sadly, this new toy wouldn't last long.

I didn't really know how to drive from McLaren because it's like a difficult car to drive, and I flawed it and did a lame change on the brack wheels broke news and the cross fun around and then we hit the embankment and knocked the car into the air, which continued spinning like a discus, like three feet in the air.

That's right, Musks. McClaren crashed worse than dodge Coin. After Saturday Night Live.

For his next act, Musk created x dot com, which would they become PayPal, the app your uncle had to use because Venmo and cash app won't work. And as an opia, Musk took the money he made from that business and built an empire of cool ass ship rocket ships, electric cars, solar farms, artificial intelligence, neurotechnology, and underground highways, all while dating celebrities and starting a record label to release his.

Own edm track, A Banger, All the.

More impressive considering Musk had clearly never heard music before. Yes, Elon must refuses to stay less lady, much like a Tesla on autopilots.

Is changing lands by itself.

Tesla's groundbreaking cars brought unprecedented power arrangement sexualists to electric vehicles, a market previously reserved for nerds who cared about the environment, and Musk even promise the dream of full self driving technology.

No hands, no female thing like promised repeatedly.

I'm confident that in less than a year, you'll be able to go from highway on ramp to highway exit without touching any control.

Holy shit, it just ran that red light.

Only in three years will be able to take from a point to point previously. I think we're basically less than two years away from complete autonomy.

Oh shit, shit.

We hit that cross country from LA to New York by the end of the year fully autonomous. Extremely confident of achieving full autonomy UH and releasing it to the tees a customer base next year.

But Must can't stop dreaming big, even when he probably should, like when SpaceX made history with the world's first reusable rocket technology and then use it to launch the first car in the space technically second if you can elon Musk's Clary Must special brand of achievements, one of a totally normal and healthy families around the world. But success didn't come easy. Ye had to overcome a lot of doubters, starting with himself.

I don't want to give the impression that I thought tes THEA would be successful from the beginning.

I actually thought we would fail.

We were only a few days from bankruptcy.

It's literally two days.

It pushed him to the brink. Must could have gone from being a multi billionaire all the way down to the very lowest rung of society millionaire. But through the years, Must kept his many ventures going with little more than his can do attitude oh oh sorry, and billions of dollars in government subsidies. Today, Musk isn't merely the richest man.

In the world.

His net worth is higher than the GDP of most countries. Should Must be a country does have a national anthem.

But don't worry. It's not like he's got an army or anything.

I went to Russia to look at buying refurbished ICVM, which is a very trippy experience.

Okay, maybe worry a little.

And he's not just great at making money, he's also an exury saving by paying almost nothing in taxes for three years and then actually nothing in twenty eighteen. Of course, there's always haters like to nitpick musk business methods.

There are charges of unreported injuries, excessive hours, abusive conditions, injuries on the job, breathing toxic fumes, over one hundred ambulance calls.

I don't think that's correct. I mean I was literally living in the factory. If these if those like toxic fumes, I'm breathing them.

Okay, exactly does Musk seem like a man who is inhaling toxic fumes? But Elon Musk also understands that all work and no play make x ash a twelve a dull boy, and like any well adjusted person, his favorite pastime is spending twelve to fourteen hours a day on Twitter. So it made sense when Musk announced that he would buy the social media platform, and even more sense when the deals spun out of control and crashed into an unback.

Discourse even exist?

Lelon Musk is dedicated to building a brighter future for old humanity. It's why he backed the most futuristic presidential.

Candidate of twenty twenty.

It's why he's so dedicated to turning every aspect of our lives into a platform for his dumb jokes. From robots to cybernetic implants, to AI to space travel to unfettered social media, Elon Musk is building a.

Future that humanity only imagined in the movies. And who wouldn't want to live there?

Basically, I think not the hate humanity if you don't like that future.

And that's why Elon Musk fruly is a visionary future man.

Let's begin with the latest twist in the will they won't they story that everyone is talking about.

Elon Musk and Twitter.

It's the hottest and messiest relationship drama this side of Riverdale, and it looks like, after weeks of flirtation and fighting, the new couple has officially done the deed.

Now it is official.

Elon Musk has bought Twitter for approximately forty four billion. He's going to be paying each share of Twitter fifty four dollars and twenty cents. In a statement released by the company, mister Musk said free speech is the bedrock of a functioning democracy, and Twitter is the digital town square where matters vital to the future of humanity are debated.

This is a dramatic turn of events from earlier this month, when Twitter was that to decline Musk offer, adopting a so called poison pill.

To block him.

That's right, people, Twitter said it would never sell to Elon Musk, and then he produced the cash and they're like, it will sell.

Yes.

I guess they found that edit button after all. It's actually kind of a historic moment. This is the first time anyone at Twitter has changed their mind about anything well done. I think that Twitter was always going to sell to Elon though, right, this can be too eager about it. You know, it's like a like a husband and a wife, where it's.

Like ah, I am not going to that wedding. Forget it. It's not gonna happen.

And then three months later it's like, how does my bowtie look?

How does it looks good? Do you think it does?

I honestly don't know why Elon would want to own Twitter, all right. It just doesn't seem like a fun place to supervise right now. You know, It's like buying Jurassic Park after the power went down and the cages are opened. Yeah, you're gonna spend a lot of time replacing Jeep windshields.

That's what I'm saying.

But the truth is, look, in many ways, this is a really smart move by Elon Musk, because wealthy men know the value in owning publishing platforms.

Yeah.

It's why Jeff Bezos bought the Washington Post, It's why Rupert Murdoch bought the Wall Street Journal. It's why Confucius owns those fortune cookies. Yeah yeah, because you see, then he knows that none of us will play his lucky numbers in.

The Lato And that's genius.

So you see, by buying Twitter, Elon Musk gets to own one of the most culturally influential publishing platforms.

In the world.

I mean to remember this, think about it. Twitter is how the Arab Spring took off. Right, Black Lives Matter blew up on Twitter, the Me Too movement started on Twitter. Trump used Twitter to turn himself from a reality show joke into the forty fifth president of the United States and a joke.

So, owning Twitter gives you more power than.

The drugstore employee with the key to the deodorant shelf. Yeah, yeah, you wanna smell fresh, You best not piss off Curtis.

Don't play around, will shut you down.

Walk around smelling musty.

So here's the thing.

Look, whether you are for Elon Musk or against him, you've got to admit it is pretty crazy that one man is now in control of all of that because before this, Jack Darsey didn't own Twitter. Right, A lot of people think he didn't know he had two percent of the shares and even a CEO he stiled to answers to the board, and the board still had to answers to the shareholders, and Twitter itself still had to answer to the SEC. But now as a private company, it's.

Just Elon Musk.

Yeah, everything that happens on Twitter from now on is up to him. And also whatever strain.

His weed guy gives him that day.

I'm just saying, if he gets the wrong sativa, there could be a race war.

People prepare yourselves.

Like, this is the thing, whether it's a billionaire you like or a billionaire you hate. As a society, I think we should spend more time interrogating how easy it is for billionaires to shape our world in their favor. Just think about it. You like it now, you don't like it now? But should they be able to do it?

Oh?

No, you know the news.

What's happening in the news. What's happening in the news.

Oh, let's kick things off with the big news of the day, right, starting with Elon Musk, the guy who always looks like a ghost, whether it's halloed or not. For months now, for months now, Musk has said that he wanted to own Twitter, right. And the reason he wanted to own Twitter is because he wanted to make sure that it became a haven for free speech.

Right.

He wanted to change it to that, because, let's be honest, up until now, you know, people have really held back on Twitter. And I always find myself scrolling and thinking, but what do you rarely think, why are you so reserved, sir?

So.

Anyway, on Thursday, the day Elon officially took over, right, we got a taste of this extra free speech right because in the first twelve hours under Elon's ownership, the use of the N word on Twitter shot up five hundred percent.

Which, no, you don't you don't know. You don't know who knows what it is.

It could be racist, yeah, it could be could be all right, this is who feel free and feel emboldened to say it now, right, or it could be black people watching Elon take over like this nigga.

You don't know which one it is. You're not sure. You're not sure because he's going crazy. Here's my question, here's my question. I really want, I really want to know this.

Why is it always went when the free speech people, right, all these people were like, we want free speech.

Why do they never.

Want to use their free speech to say words like perambulate or pusillanimous?

Like it's never stuff like that. Have you noticed that, Like we want free speech, we want free speech. You're like, okay, what do you want to say?

Nigger?

Like?

Really, all the things you could have said in the world, everyone, everything you could have spoken about all the issues.

What do you want to say that any other word? Niggers?

He's like, he doesn't want free speech, you just want to hate on people, right, So, yeah, it looks like Elon is up.

He's scrambling.

He's scrambling to figure out, you know, how to how to make this whole thing work, because remember he spent forty four billion dollars. Well, he was forced to spend forty four billion dollars because it was a troll that turned into a real He used his free speech and he paid a big price.

And it's gonna be hard to make money from this thing.

You know.

Twitter has a lot of debts, right, They're not profitable as a company, you know. And so today to try and mitigate this, Elon Musker came out and he said he's going to start charging people eight dollars a month to be verified with a blue check mark next to their name.

Yeah, eight dollars a month for the blue check mark.

Because I guess he's hoping that everyone else on Twitter will also make terrible financial decisions like he did. Because I'm sorry, eight dollars, what do you what are you spending eight dollars a month for like the blue check You realize what you get with eight dollars a month. You can subscribe, you can get like Netflix, you can get Paramount Plus, you can get Hulu, or or you can pay so that people verify that they're actually shitting on you pror it's just like, oh, this is the

Oh what was even funny? I was the reason? This is the reason Eloud Musk gave. He said the reason he's.

Doing this, the reason he's doing it is because he's sick of Twitter's current lords and peasants system for who has or who doesn't have a blue check mark? And then he ended it with power to the people blue for eight dollars a month.

So here's my question.

If you're trying to create equality on Twitter, why charge anyone to be verified? Huh yeah, just give everyone a blue check mark?

Then why are you charging the people? Give it to everyone for free, or give it to no one, give it to no one?

Right, But it doesn't make sense to offer it as equality and then put a price on it.

Do you get what I'm saying? Can you imagine if MLK was out there like.

Ah, have a dream, ah, have a dream and I'll tell you all about it for eight.

Not a nine a month.

It wouldn't be the same thing. It's all about equality. No, you're trying to make money.

I get it.

Yeah, so I think this eight dollars a month thing is ridiculous. You know, if you ask me, if Elon Musk wants to make money from Twitter, what he should do. Don't charge people for blue check marks. No, you know, charge white people to say the N word. Twitter will be the most profitable company in history. Racists are going to be taking out loans. I need a better extra cash.

My neighbors are so goddamn loud I can yell this.

In social media news.

On Friday, Elon Musk kicked off his new job as the head of Twitter by by the day off.

I like how you built your booo.

He kicked off as the head of Twitter by laying off half of the workforce, even fired the bird.

It was terrible.

I was last seen in a parking lot of dick for worms.

All relaxed, relaxed. A dick is just a bigger worm.

But it turns out, it turns out Musk got a little ahead of himself because this morning He's reportedly trying to rehire dozens of people that he just fired after realizing that he actually needs them. And I'm gonna be honest, I'm gonna put it out there.

If he's handling.

Twitter like this, I don't know how comfortable I would be going with this dude to Mars. You know, yeah, I don't want Elon walking into my cabin one day, like, hey, guys, it turns out how I accidentally fired the team.

That was bringing the oxygen.

But we'll be fine if we just stopped breathing for sixty nine months.

Right now.

The one thing being mismanaged worse than Putin's war is Elon Musk's websites.

Well.

Twitter has officially debuted it's verified blue check marks in the future is already causing a lot of confusion. Vivers who paid the eight dollars monthly fear now entitled to some additional perks, namely the blue check mark previously reserved for verified accounts. The problem is some of those users are using their newly acquired verification to impersonate celebrities and other public figures.

Someone pretending to be Lebron James tweeted, I am officially requesting a trade from the Lakers. An account that appeared to be from the pharmaceutical company Eli Lilly announced that all insulin would now be free. Meanwhile, a user impersonating George W. Bush declared I miss killing Iraqi's and a fake account for Nintendo simply tweeted a picture of Mario giving the finger.

Oh no, because anyone can buy verification. They're now impersonating famous people who could have seen this coming?

What everyone?

Wow?

Where were you guys?

Forty four billion dollars ago? Look, I'm gonna be honest and I'm gonna be blunt here. Elon Musk is Twitter into the ground and it's the best Twitter's ever been?

Are you kidding me?

Fake Lebron leaving Na, Mario flipping.

The bird, George Bush telling us how he rarely feels the thing is an absolute train wreck and I'm here for it. The only reason we know that that wasn't the real Mario was because Mario would never.

Flip someone the bird.

He's Italian, Come on, yeah, he'd probably do this, right, Or this is like.

Hey cooler, tell your mother said hello?

Why?

But who knows? Who knows?

Maybe all of this verified real fake people on Twitter chaos is actually part of Elon's plan. Yeah, maybe this is what he's doing on purpose, so no one will know a real account from a fake account. And then he'll be like, guys, did you see someone impersonated me and spent forty four billion dollars on Twitter?

That was crazy?

Well I'm just gonna take my money and be on my way. Okay, bye bye now bye bye.

Now.

If we had the time, we could discuss how this verified fiasco isn't just hurting Twitter, it's so damaging Tesla's stock. Oh, we could definitely talk about how Rihanna just said on Twitter that she.

Wanted me to perform with her at the Super Bowl.

I know it's not a fake account because she even asked for my.

Social Security number.

Let me ask you, guys a question. Who hears on Twitter? Okay, that's too many people. The guy who said no, that's a that's a normal person right there.

I trust you. Now.

By now you probably know Elon Musk recently bought Twitter for forty four billion dollars. Yeah, and since Elon's takeover, all I see on Twitter is Twitter sucks.

We should leave Twitter. Elon ruined Twitter.

But here's the thing, guys, Elon didn't make Twitter terrible. Twitter has been terrible for.

Years because of us. You can't dunk on Elon. It's us.

Twitter is the shittiest platform on planet Earth. It's worse than Tender, and tender gives you genital herpes. Okay, but as bad as it gets, no one ever leaves.

Oh, Hussan, I can't leave Twitter. It's the digital town square.

No, it's not. Twitter is not a town square. It's time square. Have you been a Time square? It's fine, terrifying. You got the M and M store, Mexican Elmo, a guy masturbating ads for DraftKings dot com. I'm like, can someone just stab me in the eye and take me out of this hell? Oh but, Huzan, we have to be a part of the discourse. This is a place for discourse. Fine, let's talk about the discourse. Has Twitter

With a thread. Here's a man.

They've already made it pretty clear they're not big on reading. But husson, husson, No, No, I can't leave Twitter.

Everybody's on Twitter. No, they're not.

Only a small minority of dorks even use Twitter. Yeah, by the way, by the way, and only ten percent of those dorks create eighty percent of the content. It's a minority of a minority. There are more country music stars named Luke than.

People who tweet.

It just feels like everyone's on it because the news media is on it. So journalists see three people tweet about something and they're like, everybody's talking about this?

Who the heck is everybody?

Ball SACS seventy nine is everybody?

But they go.

Quote tweet, quote tweet quote of this, of this, of this.

But this was nothing. This was not discourse. This was three people. Okay.

Now, now to the people that gave it up that were like, oh I.

Used Twitter, I will give you this. I'll give you this.

Twitter has been helpful for boosting the Me too movement and spotlighting police brutality, but it has to be used in dire circumstances. That should be the capture for Twitter. When you log in.

It shouldn't ask you to pick three stoplights.

It should ask you, are you reporting a natural disaster, an authoritarian government, whistleblowing, harassment by the police, or are you defending Beyonce? Then and only then should you get to tweet outside of that? What the is the upside of anyone tweeting? Why should I tweet? Why should you tweet? Think of the process? You share your opinion, you argue with people, and then potentially lose your job. That's if

It's all isis beheadings and clout in.

The only thing worse than Twitter's features are its users.

Not the lurkers. Lurkers were normal.

I'm talking about the power users flooding your timeline. The amount the psychost tweet is on another level. George Takai has tweeted one hundred and three thousand times since he joined. That comes out to twenty three tweets a day. George, you can have opinions, but I shouldn't be able to set my watch to them.

Dude.

Mike Cernovich has tweeted two hundred thousand times. That's forty eight tweets a day. How the ft do you have that many opinions? I'm a guy and I only have two opinions. I love the Sacramento Kings and Real Talk. Chipotle has kind of fallen off.

That's it, well, Jahad Ali.

He's a friend of mine and a writer for The New York Times. Brag Wage has tweeted one hundred and eighty five thousand, two hundred times.

Wag, I have a message from your family. We miss you. Look up. I don't care what side of the aisle you're on.

Put the crack pipe down and leave Twitter like you said you would. What happened to the mass exodus when Elon took over? I thought all you guys were going to Twitter.

Canada messed it on.

Find me on mestodon. You can catch me on mestodon. You feel cowards and for the people who still think it has value, you're wrong. You know this deep down, you can feel it here. You bitch about Elon all the time, but you won't quit. You don't even have the willpower to live up to your own values.

You don't give up talk about your values. You don't give up. Do you care more about your brand than progress. You don't want to write on Twitter. You want to.

Write on succession, but you're not talented enough to write for succession, and neither am I out of the media grip?

Do you understand? I want my mind back.

I hate this place.

I hate Twitter.

II wan out, Hi wana out, Give me my mind back. Don't dree my mind from Ali's tweets.

Please?

How what am I doing? What am I doing? My daughter's here? What am I doing? Oh my god, I'm the living embodiment.

Of Twitter.

I'm judging other people without changing anything about myself. Let me channel the fake Gandhi quote I saw on Twitter. Maybe I need to be the change I wish to see in the world. This I'm leaving Twitter. I'm leaving Twitter. I'm leaving this healthscape right now. Let's do this right now. You think I'm doing this? This is real, This is real, and just like everybody on Twitter, I'm making a long, annoying announcement about it right here.

You got that? Yeah, let's do it. Yeah, let's get that out of here.

Deactivate, Yes, deactivate, goodbye. I'm God time God, I agree, I'm a bree.

I'm free.

So what do I do now?

I guess I can actually go to the town square and meet people in real life, hang out with my wife, kiss my children, you know, touch grass. It's a big world out there, and I want to live in it. We had a fun ride trolls and bad faith actors. Oh and by the way, if you hate this on Twitter, I could.

Give it because I'm not there, join me in the real world.

And hey, in case I don't see you, good afternoon, good evening, and good night.

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