The DeSantis Files

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Even though the twenty twenty two election isn't over yet, it looks like the twenty twenty four campaign might already be underway. According to reports, Donald Trump is planning to announce another run for presidents as soon as the midterms are over. Yeah, but he's gonna wait for the midterms first because he wants to do the responsible thing and see if his election denies get into power so they can steal the election for him.

He's waiting. It's good. And even though he hasn't officially.

Announced that he's running a Trump is already taking shots at some of his rivals in the GOP.

Donald Trump, meanwhile, and Florida Governor Rod DeSantis, held competing rallies in the state of Florida yesterday. While Trump urged Flurrians to vote for DeSantis in his race against Democrat Charlie crist the form president also took a swipe at the governor as a potential twenty twenty four opponent.

We're winning big, big, big in the Republican Party for the nomination like nobody's ever seen before. Let's say there it is Trump at seventy one. Ron de Sanctimonius said ten per Mike pen said seven. Oh, Mike stayed better than I thought.

Yeah, I thought he'd be dead by now. I guess there's always next time. He's doing better.

By the way, I love how Trump always gives speeches on the tarmac right in front of his plane.

Have you noticed how he does like the door is opened, the stay.

It's almost like he doesn't want to spend one second longer than needed with those people.

He's just like, keep dangine running. I want to leave this shithole town as soon as I say good night.

In fact, just dangle me from a helicopter and pull me up when I'm done.

I want to get out of here before these rednecks can touch me. You saw what they did to Mike Pence. These people are dangerous.

But the reason that speech is going viral is because of that bitchy little swipe at Rond Sanctimonious. Yeah, you saw that, breaking out a classic Trump nick. I mean, at least we think it was a nickname. It could have just been Trump trying to say De sanctis you know him, Sanconius. And what makes the story even better is that apparently Trump has been privately testing nicknames for Ronda Sanctis, Yeah, which is amazing to me.

The man is at a meeting with his team of lawyers and he's like.

All right, all right, enough of all the ways that I could go to jail, what do you guys like better Ran de sanctimonious rand shithead?

Which are.

Right now?

Right now, it looks like a Trump versus de Sanctus feud is breaking out into the open. And you know, usually when two men fight in Florida, it's at a Margaritaville at one am. But this, this is a lot more high stakes, which is probably why a lot of Republicans are upset with Trump for going after the Sanctus.

Yeah, because they're like, what are you doing?

We love Rond Sanctus, He's our guy, and Trump is like, yeah, I know, that's why I hate him, because you see, people don't realize that's the one thing Trump hates more than anything is anyone having what he thinks should be his spotlight. That might be the thing that destroys the Republican chances in twenty twenty four. Donald Trump cannot stand not being the center of attention. Yeah, I bet he got jealous when his kids were born.

You know, there's like congratulations, it's a boy. He's like, I'm also a boy, and I've been a boy much longer, so long. Many people not well saying if that's for them all time?

As you know, last week, the immigration debate in America was reignited once again by Ron Desanctus, Florida governor and the dad of your school bully. You see, for months now, Republican governors in Arizona and Texas have been trying to draw attention to border security by bussing migrants to places like New York and Chicago. But the Sanctists took things up a notch by hiring a plane to take forty eight Venezuelan migrants from Texas and drop them off in

Some Democratic lawmakers want the Justice Department to open an investigation after fifty Venezuelan migrants were flown to Martha's Vineyard last week. This morning, at Texas sheriff launching a criminal investigation against Florida Governor Ron DeSantis.

Massachusetts authorities won a federal human trafficking probe into what it calls inhumane acts by DeSantis and others.

They were told there was a surprise present for them and that there would be jobs and housing waiting for them when they arrived.

This was obviously a sadistic lie.

They were lord by false pretenses and then transported across state lines. That is enough evidence to open a criminal investigation for the federal crime of kidnapping by enveiglement.

Kidnapping by Veigel Mint.

I swear to god, Republicans are gonna give me a law degree by the time this shit is over, because we keep learning about new things in Veigel Mint. But yeah, basically the Sanxis tried to pull his stunts that may have turned into an actual crime.

But it doesn't surprise me. It doesn't sprive you that run de Sanxus is doing this. He looks kind of like a human trafficker. No, no, for real, look at him, just look at him. Look at him.

Tell me, tell me that's not the pose of a man who's smuggling a group of Venezuelan's up his butt.

Look at that guy, but explode.

So many To many Democrats, especially Dasanxus is basically just a kidnapper in a frumpy suit. But what's interesting is over in Maga world, Desanctus has been getting a hero's welcome. This weekend in Kansas, Florida, Governor Ryan DeSantis received a standing ovation.

From Republican voters when he talked about the southern border.

As stunts go, this has been an incredibly brilliant.

On obviously a boss move by DeSantis.

I think this is brilliant.

They need to do more. Tomorrow Martha's Vineyard needs one hundred. The next day they need two hundred. The next day they need a thousand. Martha's Vineyard lost their mind.

Ron DeSantis, He's playing chess here.

Democrats in our allies in the media, they're playing checkers. The hipocrisy is now out in the open.

This is amazing. This is checkmate. Oh check mate. Yeah.

I like how Republicans are like, no, no, we're not using immigrants as pawns. But also check mate. As you can see, Conservatives, they're just juzzing their pants over this thing.

It was brilliant, a boss move. Yes, Queen Martha's Vineyard lost their mind. And by the way, did it really did it? Did Martha's Vineyard lose its mind.

Fifty migrants showed up out of nowhere, and the people of Martha's Vineyard gave them food and shelter, and then exchanged hugs with them as they boarded buses to leave. Now, I know Ted Cruz has never been hug before, so he may have thought that they were trying to strangle each other. But that doesn't look like people losing their minds to me. And this really shows you how America

Era of fifteen.

Yeah, Democrats say Marthas Vineyard proved the Sanctus wrong by welcoming the migrants with open arms. Magaworld says they proved the Sanctus right by shipping the migrants off to a military base after two days.

It's pretty wild.

I mean, at this point, America is basically the multiverse. There's one universe where the Sanctus is a god, and simultaneously another universe where he's headed to prison, and that has those hot dogs for fingers.

But believe it or not.

Believe it or not, there is actually one conservative who is upset with the scientists, and you'll never guess who it is.

Rolling Stone reports that truck Biz upset about DeSantis's decision to fly nearly fifty migrants from Texas to Martha's vineyard last week, not because he thinks it was a depraved and irresponsible and inhumane practice to target asylum seekers. No, Trump is angry because it was his idea. First.

According to the story, the former president quote vented that DeSantis's latest stunt was yet another one of my ideas that the governor allegedly stole from Trump.

Oh man, poor Donald Trump. He is sitting at home like you stole my idea. And by the way, stealing stuff is also my idea. Read the news, read it.

In my dear. But you know what's really telling is that in a way, Trump has a point, all right. He is the guy who came up with the idea of turning all politics into a series of stunts.

That is what he did.

The Muslim band built the wall. That shit didn't solve anything, but got the people going. And now pulling stunts has become the driving force of the Republican partsy but Trump he's stuck watching it on the sidelines. Yeah, and I feel bad for you, mister Trump. But the fact is Ron de Sanctus. You see what he's doing. He's slowly becoming the Republican Party now, stealing your tricks, making it his own. And so you got you gotta get used

Let's kick things off with Donald Trump, the former president of the United States, I feel you, and future president of.

Cell Block, d.

Yo.

Yesterday, Trump sat down for an interview on Fox News with Sean Man Titties that's his real name, and it sounds like Trump isn't happy that Ron de Sante might run against him after all the help he gave Ron when he was running for governor.

Ron came to see me tears in his eyes. He said, I need you to do me a big favor. Would you endorse me? I fought for you, so I said, let's give it a shot. Run okay, And he was desperate. I said, okay. I gave him a nice endorsement. I got him the nomination. By the way, couldn't have never gotten the nomination, he would be working in either a pizza parler place or a law office right now, okay, and he wouldn't be very hassh.

Wow, Ron Dessantis would be working in a pizza parlor. I guess in Trump's mind, every Italian is working in a pizza place or a law office, or even better, a pizza place that's also.

A la office. I put on backwards ha ha hey he.

You you come here, you move? Have you been injured on the job and you're hungry, then come on into this Tepano and sons. And if we can't win your case, the garlic knots at.

The dive for.

Hed stones up.

I'm the gods.

I got your yeah right here.

By.

If you've been following Florida politics, you're weird. And also you know that Ron de Santis has been attacking the Disney Corporation for a year now, ever since Disney criticized his anti gay bill and also because they used his image for Quasimoto.

Den Ringer.

Well, now the fight has reached the courts. This morning, Disney sued Rond de Santis, accusing him of political retaliation. Good news, which sounds bad. But if they really wanted Tom up. They'd slip his kidney and Kanto soundtrack. As a parent, Trust me, that can ruin your life. We don't talk about Bruno. How about we don't talk about giving you up for adoption?

If you don't turn that off.

Governor Ron de Santis is making news for his approach to teaching black history, or should I say less of it? So I made a quick trip down to Florida to find out more. Last April, rond de Santis signed the Stopwoke, which prohibits education that makes people feel anguish on the account of race, color, sex, or national orgin. In other words, it's basically illegal down Florida to make white people feel bad about sleeping, and some people love it.

Keith Flaw is an.

Education advisor to Rhonda Santis and a supporter of the Stop Woke.

At we get teachers who are coming out of these liberal colleges, they believe our country is evil. They're teaching young children that it's about the color of your skin, not your character.

Okay, but how do we talk about race in this country in a way that keeps people from being so damned sensitive?

I don't know that.

I haven't answer to that because that's the issue.

The proponency t you're trying to say, let's talk about the race part of it. Just a look, people go race real bad. Coughing your ass up.

Do you think that you change that by teaching young kids in kindergarten.

That because they're white, they're they're they're they're benefited from white supremacy.

I wasn't yelling at you, by the way, I.

Get it, okay, So that you believe that there is institutional racism in this country.

I don't know that.

I don't know that.

I you just said, do I believe?

And I don't know that.

I don't know that my opinion matters in that situation. I think they have to look at the facts, and I don't know that. I'm but I guess pared to state an opinion on that.

So maybe the real question should be whose feelings are we really worried about hurting?

You know?

What?

Should do we talk about all the deep you knows racism, systemic equality, and then we have another class that's just called the good white folk. You have seen twelve years this late, you've probably seen a free black man got kidnapped, and then Brad Pitt help him get free, so we have like you learn, you learn about Brad Pitt, you learn about some of doctor King's.

White friends.

With That helped me because I know, I think I'm giving what you're saying now, but.

I don't think that helps it all.

Because what you're doing is you're teaching.

You didn't know about Brad Pitt. I just educated you.

The idea of doing a class on good white people in history is just too good to resist. Hi, I'm really Wood Jr. Become to the only history class dedicated to the many great contributions of white folks, and therefore the only class sanctioned by the State of Florida because it makes white people feel good. Welcome to the great Whites. Let's start with the greatest white of all. George Washington.

Good work, George Washington.

One of the other great whites in history that we often don't talk about is a brilliant white man named Thomas Edison, working out of his lab in Menlo Park, New Jersey. Edison is credited with over a thousand patents in his lifetime. Among those patents Edison was credited for is the motion picture camera. Without his work, we wouldn't have movies, TV shows, or footage of black people getting beat up by the police like Rodney King.

What's your favorite movie? Minus Shrek?

Another great white who doesn't get the credit he deserves his politician Jack Ryan. Jack was a successful investment banker who ran for Senate in Illinois in two thousand and four. During his campaign, it came out that Ryan had bravely asked his wife to perform sexual acts on him in public.

If this grace, Jack was forced to step down.

From the two thousand and four race, leading to an easy victory for his opponent, Barack Obama, who would go on to become president. And now then Ladin is dead and millions of people have health care all because of the.

Great Jack Ryan. Where would this country be without his unquenchable horniness. Thank you, Javi.

And finally, the world of sports, which is littered with great whites, including the greatest coach who ever.

Lived, Phil Jackson.

With the Chicago Bulls in the nineties, Jackson employed a groundbreaking offensive scheme called passed the Ball to the ball headed Black Dude. Jackson would later find championship success with other ball headed black dudes like Shaq and Covid, but this ingenious strategy with the Bulls led to six championships. Jordan let the league in scoring ten times, mainly thanks

I love Top Gland, not as much as I love Shrek, they both fun.

My guest tonight is NFNBC host Alex Wagner, her new prime time show Alex Wagner. Tonight premiere is August sixteenth, and we'll air Tuesday through Friday at nine pm.

Please welcome Alex Wagner. Welcome back to The Daily Show. Alex.

It's a thrilling and honor is an honor for me.

This is your sixth time you might hold the record. Congratulations.

I feel very positive about that.

Actually got you a monkey pox vaccine as a gift.

I want my photo in the hallway. I'll keep saying it.

I'm over and over again, and I will make sure that I have one.

I see two chains, I see Oprah. I need to see Alex Wagner in the hallway and then I can stop coming on the show.

I mean, you put me on the spot now. Fine. I do have the photo of us in my office.

It's like a like a beautiful frame that's in the Tiffany frame, perfect and no one walks past it.

But it's fine. That's fine.

That's for you and me, Trevor.

This is a really exciting time for everybody because your show kicks off tomorrow.

Yes right, I love you.

Your Instagram bio reads anchor at MSNBC plus.

Person worried about the future. But don't think that sound a little midal dramatic. What do you have to worry about the future?

Like a drawer wrong with the climate, artic ice caps melting faster than expected, President shuffling off classified nuclear secrets to Palm Beach Resort. You know, Republican election deniers being elected across go wrong?

What do you but you you know, because you travel so much and because you've talked so many people on the ground, I've always felt like I should listen to you when you're worried, because you talked to like America.

Yeah, yeah, And I will say on this show, I'm going to keep talking to America. I just went down to Florida, which is a place I vow never to return to each time I go, and yet I keep going down to Florida.

That's what makes it great, Exactly.

It was one hundred and seven degrees one hundred and seven degrees down there, and what Governor DeSantis is doing in that state is worthy of a very close examination. So we went down there and looked specifically at the ways in which Christian nationalism has worked its way into Florida public schools. And we're gonna be talking about that this week and some of the very alarming things that teachers are being trained to teach public school students on.

Think of as like a good thing because they go like, oh, he's calm. You know, he has a demeanor about him. Trump is crazy, but it seems like Trump's crazy was also the reason he couldn't get things done. Yes, Ronda Sanctus, everyone says is like, oh, he's got all his cards, he's ready to play them.

And he has a network of conservative activists and donors and power players in his corner. I mean, this is the result. This is a harvest of multiple years of trying to figure out how to reindoctrinate students into a certain line of conservative ideaology and DeSantis has made it happen. But he has a lot of people behind him, and there are other governors. Carrie Lake in Arizona is the

Yeah?

That he had big dick energy just like Donald Trump. Like not even kidding, she said, bde if you know, you know, big DeSantis energy, but really saying that what we needed was more big dick energy, the kind that Ron de Santis and Donald Trump have. So that's where we are as a country, Trevor, and I'm here to tell you, I'm alarmed.

You are going to be the person who is informing so many people about what's going on in the country. You know, as an anchor on a show like yours, you're in an interesting position because on the one hand, you want people to understand the states of the country.

On the other hand, you don't want people to exist.

In a perpetual state of panic, because then what happens is people start getting tired and they're like, I don't care anymore, nothing is actually happening.

How do you find that battle?

Well, I think you know, I don't want to be pollyannaish about things. Right when things are bad, I'm going to tell you they're bad. But I also think we haven't given up on democracy. And the reality is, if you don't like what Governor Ron DeSantis is doing, I mean, I spent ten hours in a Brevard County school Board meeting. You can run for school board and stop some of this stuff from happening. You can participate in midterm elections. You can call your senators in congressmen.

I mean that stuff.

As cliche as it sounds, as small ball as it sounds, it matters because the decision that the Brevard County school Board makes about whether or not kids can have book fairs again and read certain books and talk about being homosexual or transgender, that means something. And those decisions are discreet, but they are part of our larger system of governance. And I don't want people to ever lose the hope that the project of America is a fetocomplete and it's

Well that's a lot of one and that's a lot of steps back.

I'm I mean, I hope look at look at you and me, Trevor. You know, I'm hosting the nine pm hour of a very important cable network. You are the voice of a generation. Our stories are unlikely. We're two brown people that weren't ever supposed to be in these positions of power, and look at us.

You know that's true, and that's true, but it's true sometimes I go.

The fact that it is the exception is what makes it scary a little bit sometimes. And so what's interesting about America when when you look at it as a whole, is it feels like sometimes like in the run up to Donald Trump, it feels like the country knew this was happening, and then people on the coasts were like, oh, that will never happen. Tramp could never have. It feels

You know, people enjoy themselves.

But it seems like conservatives are being told constantly that they're under assault, that this is the end of the world, they need to run for boards, and so they believe it and they do it. And so I'd love to know, as somebody who's gonna be on MSNBC. You're in a position where you have part of your audience, which is in a bubble many of us. Do you know, how do you or do you even think it's possible at the stage to just pop out of that bubble?

Is there a way you can see?

As Alex Wagner, as the journalist who's gone around the country talking to Trump supporters and you know, Biden supporters are like, do you.

Think there's a way you can get through to people who maybe don't agree with you.

I'm gonna damn well try. I mean, you can't just say we're only We're only gonna talk to like liberals and this is for the sell A corridor, you know, Like this is I'm a journalist and you are gonna hear from some Republicans sometimes sometimes they may be critical of Donald Trumps. Sometimes they may not be. But I think it is my job to show people what's happening in the world and not just what they want to see.

It didn't go so well.

So your first episode of tomorrow, it is tomorrow. If you were on the show today, don't don't give anything away because you obviously will tease anything. But if you wire on the show today, what would you what will be the number one story You'll be told?

Well, listen, I think for sure we're gonna be talking about Trump and mar A Lago and what exactly he was doing with those papers and the degree to which this is part of a very serious investigation of the DOJ. But I don't think.

I mean.

The other thing that I want everyone to focus on is the fact that we have a two significant primaries tomorrow happening, Liz Cheney and Sarah Palin. And what we very well could see this week is the exit of Liz Cheney, probably the standard bearer for integrity inside the GOP, be escorted off the stage stage right. And for Sarah, who in many ways is the proto Trump re entering

This is why you're the best person to host the show, because you know a lot, you travel a lot, you meet the people and.

Hang out with you. You don't get overwhelmed.

No, you don't get Thanks for that, I'll take it, but no, you don't get overwhelmed. Really, one thing I've always admired about you is the fact that you don't get overwhelmed by the delusion of information that's coming at you. Rather, you find a way to process all of it in one of the most fantastic ways that I've ever seen.

Congratulations on the show for joining me again.

We're all going to be watching explore more shows from The Daily Show Podcast Universe by searching the Daily Show. Wherever you get your podcast. Watch The Daily Show week nights at eleven ten Central on Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime on Fairmouth Plus.

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