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On the Daily Show.
Obviously, this week's conventions is.
Really all about introducing Kamala Harris to America, and as part of that introduction, the Democrats produced a special film to make the case for a Harris presidency. Now, luckily for us, we stole it and we are going to show it to you. America is a land of people, people who were normal, and America used to have presidents who were normal.
Sometimes they were good for what not sam Week, but they could always finish their sentences and art civil wars.
But after eight years of this.
In this ah.
And just generally feeling like we were trapped in a sadistic circus in the eighth Circle of Hell, it is time for America to return to normal. It's time for Kamala Harris.
Jess Nor generated by Jess harn a man of doctor Kamala Harris checks all the boxes for what Americans are looking for in a normal president.
I'm Kamala Harrison. I'm under a president of the United States.
We are a nation that was founded on noble ideas. But where did this unicorn of the candidate come from?
Kamala Harris was born in nineteen sixty four in Oakland, California, a year that puts her squarely in the normal age range of American presidents. She was the daughter of two academics who met at school a way that normal people meet their spouse, as opposed to a party with sex ring billionaires. Her mother was from India, her father was from Jamaica, and that makes her both black and South Asian.
Normal people understand this. I don't know if is she an Indian or is she black again? Normal people understand this.
Kamala's parents wanted the best education for you, but because they weren't absolutely loaded in a way that would make them believe they could live outside the laws of man and nature, young Kamala had to be busted to a desegregated school.
An hour away.
It was an experience that always stayed with her, but not in a way that made her thirsty for revenge or obsessed with leaving a legacy that would outlast the universe. Just a normal I'll put that into my autobiography kind of way. Kamala was admitted to Howard University, where she made lifelong friends. Like any other well adjusted person, you can feel comfortable trusting with nuclear codes, and she made ends meet working at McDonald's, a typical job held by
millions of people. And just to be clear, she was working the register, not starring in bizarre fever dreams with Grimace and stealing jobs from hardworking professional actors who honestly could have used the gig at the time. After college, Kamala went on the normal trajectory for President Law School, San Francisco, District Attorney Attorney General of California. Yes, early on she had a boyfriend help her get a job on the state Unemployment Insurance Appeals Board. But that's a
very normal type of cronyism. And besides, it was an unemployment insurance appeals board. Do not act like you wanted that job. Raw.
Kamala rode her success to.
The US Senate, where her time was mostly unmemorable, which is normal. Do you know what kind of freak you have to be to be a memorable senator. Sheer, Yeah, now, Kamala just did her job, including a famous grilling of Judge Brett Kavanaugh. Can you think of any law then give the government the power to make decisions about the male body.
I'm not a thinking of any right now.
It was a brilliant performance that didn't stop Brett Kavanaugh from overturning Roe v. Wade, but a politician offering stirring rhetoric with disappointing results.
Very normal, guys.
After a respectable two years, Kamala decided to take the next step.
I stand before you today to announce my candidacy for President of the United States.
Yes, a run for president in twenty twenty, a decision so normal that.
It was done by over seventy percent of the Democratic Party.
But despite showing voters her personal side by listening and reacting to music like a regular human as opposed to freezing in placer yanking off a pair of dicks and stuff writers, Kamala didn't resonate with voters, and she dropped out before voting even began.
I'm not a billionaire.
I can't fund Monelcamp.
It was a move that exhibited her remarkable skill to view reality and react rationally. Wouldn't that be great reacting rationally to an electoral defeat, wouldn't it?
But before she quit, Kamala did have one great moment. You know, there was a little girl in California and she was bussed to school every day, and that little girl was me.
It was a takedown of Biden's support of school segregation, so brutal that he reintegrated the White House and made her vice president.
They did it, Carl Kamala Harris became the first black vice president, the.
First Asian vice president, and the first female vice president.
And yes, maybe that isn't normal Pharmaerica, But.
Did you know that in the other parts of the world women are allowed to be leaders like all.
The time, So that's not on her. What are Kamala's actual policies? Just the vague ones you'd expect from a normal Democrat trying to get elected.
Our fight is a fight for the future, and it is a fight for freedom.
Yeah, great, sounds good, But at least they are going to be normal policies. But you won't have to learn about Project twenty twenty five or great Replacement theory or weather a president concerned about his.
Turnball in prison? What the hell are we doing here? Gang? I've been in episodes of Always Stark, less stressful than this.
Of course, like any person, Kamala has her personality quirks, and her time as Vice president brought them all front and center.
I love vin diagrams.
Do you know the three circles? Who doesn't love a yellow schools? Do you think you just fell out of a coconut tree?
Yeah?
The coconut thing super kooky? Right?
So what America has presidents with fun and energy all the time?
What about Abe?
He wore the.
Big hats, FDR stamps, Reagan jelly beans, pounded fistfuls of them, and they were all presidents who didn't cause Americans to ship themselves every five minutes.
And that is the promise of a Kamala Harris presidency. A president who will not.
Fall in love with the North Korean dictator or have a family member whose dick picks end up on a prongressional hearing. A president who won't clear up their COVID with horsty wormer and a spritz of clorox, and one that can stay up past eight A president who will eventually leave office. A president who won't have to flee to a non extradition country if she loses. In other words, Kamala Harris will be a normal president, just a normal.
President.
Let's talk about JD. Vance.
Democrats hate him and Republicans pretend not to. But who is he really?
Let's find out in a brand new daily showography.
Middletown, Ohio isn't much to look at.
It's probably a few decades away from getting a Jampa juice. But this forgotten town, full of forgotten men and forgotten women, has given us a name to remember.
JD. Vance.
I came from Middletown, Ohio.
I am proud of it, and I will never forget where I came.
Problem.
But what he would forget is everything else. I'm a never Trump guy. I never liked him.
The simple fact is he's the best president of my lifetime.
This is the daily shoography of JD. Vance, the forgetten man. You may have heard that JD doesn't think much of life in your Democrat run cities, but to hear him tell it, growing up in smalltown Ohio and Kentucky wasn't so hot either.
Our homes are a chaotic mess.
At least one member of the family uses drugs.
Young JD was taken in by his mamma.
She said, look, you're gonna come and stay with me, and if anybody has a problem with it, they can they can talk to my gun m.
All came from a family that would shoot at you rather than argue with you. When we went through a thing, we found nineteen loaded handguns under her bed, in her closet, in the silverware drawers.
Oh, it's like if Tarantino directed an episode of The Golden Girls. After high school, Jady left his mamma's house for a place with slightly fewer.
Guns, the US military.
He's spent four years in the Marines Public Affairs Department, which would eventually serve him well in politics, where his new boss has had many public affairs. Back home, Jad lifted himself up by his bootstraps and government GI bill money to attend Yale Law School, where he would meet his future wife.
Nothing would keep them apart.
I love her because she's who she is.
Obviously she's not a white person, but I just I love Lusha.
Marriage really is about compromise.
After overcoming the traumas of an Ivy League education, JD sought honest work down in the valley, where remembering where he came from sometimes meant forgetting where he was.
I didn't come from the elites.
I didn't come from San Francisco.
You were out in San Francisco, now right, that's right. I'm working for Peter too, Yeah, I work.
We're at one of the venture capital funds that he co founded.
And though big tech made him rich, it was the publishing world where he really made a name for himself. Jad turned his childhood pain into Hillbilly Elegy, a best selling memoir and Hollywood film Asta La Vista Baby. Soon those fancy aristocrats who drink sparkling water and wear pajamas.
To this day, I find the very notion of pajamas an unnecessary elite indulgence.
We're begging him to join their ranks.
Should he run for office.
I think that, you know, when people ask me if I want to run for office, part of me wonder is like, do they think I just give off a used car salesman?
No, not at all. Soon enough, JD was ready to be put into a certified, pre owned Ohio Senate scene. He had the perfect resume, blue collar childhood's former marine absolutely zero rumors that he had hacked a couch. If only he hadn't said all those terrible things about his party's knew God. I can't stomach Trump.
I think that he's noxious and is leading the white working class to a very dark place.
You've said, I have a never Trump guy, never liked him, terrible candidate, idiot if you voted for him, might be America's hitler, might be a cynical a hole, cultural heroine, noxious, reprehensible.
How could Vance run for office as a maga Republican after all that? He would have to call upon his experience as a forgotten man and forget it all. Look, I was wrong about Donald Trump.
I didn't think he was going to be good president Brett.
He was a great president.
Trump may be cultural heroine, but JD was hooked the new JD loved DJT with all his heart, and Trump almost knew who JD was.
Does a right JD Mandel and he's doing great.
Whatever his name was. There was something about this new guy that Donald Trump liked.
JD is kissing my ass.
He wants myself words.
Up with the taste of Trump's butt cheeks fresh on his lips. Vance won his election and the forgetting kicked into high gear. The man who once said he hated the police and respected trance people now said it was actually the other way around. No opinion was safe from JD's MAGA memory.
White.
The universities provide high quality talent for folks to get their businesses off the ground. Indeed, universities in our country are fundamentally corrupt. It's really important not to just fabricate and lie to other people.
I think you want what's still on its Trump.
JD's moral flexibility propelled him into the MAGA A list, and when Donald Trump needed a new running mate for some reason.
He tapped Vance.
I love you guys.
But once he hit the campaign trail, JD's former friends in the media discovered that his mouth had left her on more loaded guns than Mamma Republican. THEEP candidate JD.
Vance is igniting a firestorm for what's calling citizens without children childless cat ladies.
Vance calls pregnancies resulting from rape or incest inconvenient.
Said Americans without kids should have their boats countless.
Vance takes aim and gymnastic phenom Simone Biles after she dropped out of the Tokyo Olympics for mental health reasons.
The fundamental lie of American feminism is that it is liberating for a woman to go and work ninety hours a week.
Please tell me more about the lessons of feminism, sir. But who cares what the haters and the elites think. There's only one man whose opinion counts, and he thinks JD has what it takes.
When you look at JD.
Vance, is he ready on day one?
Historically the vice president does not have any impact.
I mean virtually no impact. Yes, they said, people from JD's neck of the woods don't matter. But now Advance has become the most important, not important man in America.
And soon he might be.
Enshrined forever in the nation's halls of power. Or he'll lose, and like every other failed VP candidate in history, this forgetting man will also be forgotten.
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