The Correspondents Say Goodbye to Trevor

You're listening to Comedy Central.

Yea, all right, people, let's do this.

This is it my final show, and I've got a ton of clean up to this so I can get the security deposit back.

In the studio.

Buts, butts.

Before I head outs, what better way to spend it than to check in with all of my favorite people and all of your favorite correspondents one lost time, starting with my very.

Favorite Michael cost everybody else. Michael. Nice to see you, buddy, one lost time.

Matter.

What is going on in the market today, Trevor, I'm crushing it, and I mean crushing it, okay, But tonight I'm also crushed because this is our last time together on the Daily Show. So I'm not going to talk about the market tonight because as much as I love numbers, there's a different n word I love even more, nostalgia.

Thank you nostalgia.

Yeah, nostalgia, Trevors.

This is a chart of our friendship.

Okay, six years, six years of African American relations, all right.

Now, right here, this is the high point.

We got off to a good start because you hired me right, which meant I could stop sleeping in my shitty old Honda Civic and now look at me. I'm sleeping in a freaking Tesla baby, right yeah.

And every morning I wake up, I see where the autopilot mode brought me.

I have a nice big cup of coffee, and I clean the blood off my tires. And that's thanks to you, my man, so God.

Oh for the job. Yeah, for the job. Yeah, but no, thanks to me for the blood.

No, I do that blood is on your hands for real.

But of course, of course, now here here is the first.

Time you let me under the show with a chart that looked like a butthole, right, and and here, okay, here is the time you let me on the show with a different chart that looks like a butthole.

Yeah.

Yeah, it was a lot of that, But the one that's most important to me, Trevor, is this one up here, Okay, because this is the time you let me on the show with a chart that looked like a penis.

And this was a total game changer for me, Trevor.

Yeah, and look, look there were some tough times too, okay. I mean this is when COVID hit, you know, and that wasn't easy. You were doing the show from your apartment. I was in the office every day because I didn't get that email. But that was a lonely two years.

But look, that's the beauty of.

Our friendship, Trevor.

In fact, I made a chart to illustrate it. Okay, some days are good, let's be honest, some days are bad. But true friendship that's the sweet spot in between.

And in steak.

It can bring you unimaginable pleasure, but you can't live without it.

Thank you, Michael.

H I see what you did there.

One last time.

I see that, Daniela.

I wouldn't trade our friendship through anything, Trevor, thank you so.

Much for that, Michael.

One last time, everybody hop feltons incredibly disgusting sentiment.

Michael, cost to everybody.

Now let's go on to DESI light it, please end up tell me this for this lost time. You're actually gonna do the weather, please Dosi light it everybody.

Well, nope, Trevor, I am not here to do the weather. It's your last show, so on behalf of Paramount, Viacom, CBS, Comedy Central, Viacom Networks and paw Patrol Plus. I am here to do your exit interview.

What right do we have to do that?

Live on?

Ah?

No, But some of us are getting drinks after the show, so I got to squeeze it in now.

Wait, people are getting drinks. No one told me. Can I come?

First question? Over the seven years of your employment here, what would you say is my best personality trait?

You mean my best personality traits?

Uh?

Nope? Mine?

Oh I guess I'd say humility.

Yeah, I am amazing at that. I'll put down humility and great cheekbones.

Okay, okay.

Next question, what will you miss most about me?

Okay, this is weird. If this is my exit.

Interview, shouldn't the questions be about me and not you?

Why would they be about you. I'm the one who's staying. I mean you're leaving us, which is fine. It's fine. I mean people abandoned me all the time. I don't care. Why would I care?

Dad?

Point is I'm the one staying. But just in case, would you mind writing me a letter of recommendation?

I gladly would DESI you know, I will write that you are one of the funniest and most gifted comedic actors I have ever known and had the pressure of pleasure of working with, and anyone who knows you is lucky to know you, Trevor.

Okay, fine, you can come to drinks with work.

Thank you, thank you, Yeah, thank you, thank you.

Don't be long as everybody.

One of the funniest people I know, but one of the worst weather people I've ever worked with.

And that's saying something.

Now here to give us our final Latto numbers?

Do say sloan everyone?

All right?

Just say alright, friend, who's winning that money?

Well a lot of numbers?

No, no, listen, hello, friends, Now there's only one Lotto winner tonight, and that is my friend, my light skinned friend, my homemad Trevor.

Ezekiel noah, it's it's not Ezekiel, but I'll take it. I don't know why you keep saying Ezekiel to me.

I give you a middle name, Ezekiel, because I don't know any African words.

You taught me, not that.

Sorry I interrupted you. You were saying, you were saying, and you think you know African.

They teach you African, but he just be speaking English all the time. Look at you leaving the Daily Show to go starring movies like them Hemsworth brothers.

Well, no, I don't actually have any movies lined up. I'm just I'm just leaving.

That's all you were. No, I have you not been listening? This is what I said that this is a moment where I'm just taking time. You know.

It's about me making time for family, for friends, to travel a little bit more.

Oh, you're doing a travel show.

Okay, okay, all right, this that makes sense.

Yeah on around traveling.

Listen.

Why did you say so?

Oh?

Is it a safari show? Yeah?

Introducing us to your animal friends that you went.

To school with, you can go to school with.

Ooh, you should do one about African people, because you know what I realized, I know more about meerkats than whoever lives in Tanzania.

That's what a lot of Americans tell me. Actually, that's that's that's true.

That that's true.

But I'm not actually leaving for another I'm not leaving for a movie. I'm not leaving for like another show. I don't have anything lined up at the moment. It's just about this right now.

Man, a man, So you're leaving a good job. You quitting a job without having another job line up?

Not to crazy.

You don't leave a job.

Leave a job.

So you're just leaving a job to do nothing. Wow, you really are half white.

It's your boy Swiss chocolate in the building.

Look, I hear what you're saying.

I just think life isn't all about work, you know, And it's all about the next thing, the next thing, the next thing.

It's about it's about exploration, it's about discovery. It's about fulfillment.

You know.

Your discovery. You're fulfillment. It's not like a white girl doing a semester abroad. You know what we call a grown ass man who doesn't have a job un employed.

No, I won't be unemployed. I have many great things going on in my life.

Listen, listen, you don't have to be proud with me.

Trump. You're my friend.

Okay, you're one of my favorite people. And you're the reason that my mama don't work.

Thank you, Joseir.

You know you are my favorite people.

Thank you.

And you know I really love your mama.

Listen, my mama loves you too, and I always have to break her heart to tell her that we're just friends. Now, since you're about to be the broke dick that I despise, you won't need this lot of money, so I have fixed it. So the winning numbers are one of the most important dates in our lives, the day that you were not met. So all you have to do is play those numbers, and the jackpit is yours, young man.

Very simple, Yeah.

Very simple, because it's just the date that we met that we both remember.

Right, And as soon as you play those numbers of the day that we met, it will come up on the screen and you're gonna win that money.

Yeah.

I'll play them because I remember them, right, I remember them. It was to no to me, It was to me a day you interrupted me. It was to me one of the most important moments. That's why I don't forget it. And that number sticks in my heart. And that number is four no no for many people. Yes, why you and I work so well because we both know the number is one of the people who've touched me the most in my life. Yes, yes, which is why I know the number is ten. See is where you remind me.

Of Tennessee Nigga I' from Georgia. You know what I played in myself because I also need this money.

So good luck be and.

I employed, don't they sloan everybody?

For one last time, Let's turn to my good friend and favorite meme, running Tank to see what it's trending social media.

Want to change what is trending on social media? You want know what's trending.

I'll tell you what's trending right now, Trevor.

It's my feelings, right.

I can't believe I'm leaving.

It's like it's like a part of my heart is being whipped.

Out of my body.

And not in the cool Indiana Jones way, right, with so many, so many great times together. You're you're you're like a You're like a brother to me, and not like in the way black guys say it. I mean like actually like a family brother who happens to be black, kind.

Of running.

Knowing you, knowing how not emotionally you. I just want you to know I appreciate that.

Yeah, no, no, no, no, for for real, no for no joke. I just I just want to say, uh, thank you, thank you for everything. Uh You've changed my life. You saved me from having to work with amateur producers from Australia and Singapore. Uh. I mean at the time when you're starting the show, you had closer friends than me, who are more talented than me, but you said, no, I want this Chinese guy because you are adamant about having Asian representation on the show, and I really appreciate it.

You unders, thank you, thank you, Ronnie. You know, I honestly I didn't wow.

Wow, I didn't.

Uh.

I didn't expect that from you. And I feel like I feel like you're gonna make me cry. Yeah, I got you, I got your gullible, you bought all that shit.

You know.

Of course I can't go out without you.

I'm in multiple tempo movie franchises thanks to this show.

You think you can sink me.

I didn't even know it was on your last episode until this morning.

The whole world. I got, Trevor, I got your beacon of light in the darkness. Hey, this is a show on Calmedy Central.

All right, we just as someone trying to kiss a butthole like two minutes ago.

Get over yourself.

I can't believe you thought I was serious.

No, No, I'm no, I'm thinking you were kidding, Runnie and yeah, good one.

Running Yeah, but uh, in all seriousness on behalf of everyone watching right now, and from the bottom of my heart, can I be the new host running?

Yeah, I'll get back to your meth I'll get right back to you.

I'm just gonna remember the beautiful posts of what he said.

All right, for our final traffic report, let's go to my very good friend the o G from the very beginning, who did this with me? Well, nobody thought we could where what tune everybody?

What's going on? Right? What's going on?

Right?

I've been I've been thinking about this, bro. You know, you ain't got to lead the country. You could just go over the Good Morning America and host over there, the light skinned dude over there in a lot of trouble.

They might have a whole.

Right right right, I'm not getting involved.

That's just do traffic, hey, man, listen before her to do the traffic.

Just this, this is this is the last time you know, you and me. You've come clean.

Just come clean about what.

Just just say, Admitte, you you you ain't African? For real, You're not African?

What are you talking about?

You know what the hell I'm talking about.

I used to run credit cards back in ninety six in Birmingham with a dude who looked just like you.

Your name was Slippery j your hair was a little shorter back then.

And I've been keeping my mouth shut about it because we had a good thing going right here, you know.

But the people deserve to know the.

Truth about your slip.

Tell the truth, man, right you from Birmingham.

I don't know what you're talking about. I've never lived in Birmingham, dude.

My god, Look, you don't have to say it like that. No more Birmingham. Just say Birmingham.

That's what the city it is. You remember, you remember? Come on, slip. You don't remember you remember run running the hustle at Walmart?

The credit card?

It was, it was it was you, it was me, it was Ramrock, Big Mix's Bahamma Joe tuobone fat mat And we tried to jump that fence and we jumped the fence and security was running nothing. And then two Bone shit his pants and we had to take our pants off, so we had to give two Bone our pants. Then we didn't have no pants. You remember, we didn't have no pants. You gonna look me in the eyes and tell me we wouldn't. You wasn't with me at the Walmart on lake Shore Parkway in nineteen ninety six.

Okay, firstly, why did both of you have to give him your pants?

If you shut his tongue, don't.

Change the subject on me right now, slip Ridge ayon.

I but to look, if you really, if you're really from Africa, why you be talking on British then?

No, God, you're old.

Legitulus in a job.

No, no, give it.

Ain't no African. Sound like that.

Man.

If you're gonna put on a fake accent, at least make it sound accurate. What you're doing is offensive. It's disrespect.

It's not a made up accents.

Why would I pretend to be African?

Look, man, I'm not judging you.

Man.

Look we all do it. Everybody lied to get the job, bro, looking black, sound and British. That's how you get the job, you lie. I lied to get this job.

Man.

I don't know shit about Excel. I told them people that I killed Ben Laden.

I said, whatever it takes.

That's how you play the game.

Man.

But just just just be real with me, Bro, be real with me. It's been seven years. You're not African, regular, dude.

Roy, Just Roy, look at me, Roy, right, I am really African?

Okay, whatever, man. Either way, we had a good run.

We did. It's been amazing for me. Yeah.

I know you've been my dude from day one, and you know this. Yeah, we're having a ton of fun together every iteration of the show. And let's let's make sure we keep in touch, keep hanging out. We're real friends, you know. I mean, you never know, maybe we can get to steal some quer cars and she let.

Old times no.

No no with Jay?

Would you anybody? I don't know what he's talking up with Julie, nor would JUNI.

Everyone Morywood Jr.

By Wood, I'm Trevor Noah from Africa.

All right, Well, I guess that's everyone.

And you're getting someone Trevor.

Wow.

Yeah, someone you'd send out every other week to the heart of America to almost get murdered by QAnon psychopaths.

Jordan Clipper, you're still alive.

I am still alive. Yes, fairly, Trevor.

I wanted to come out here thank you for your candor, you're wit, your intelligence, and to offer.

You one final goodbye, but I'm.

Not gonna do that.

Oh.

I thought it'd be better if the folks of New York did that.

I wanted to give New Yorkers a chance to weigh in on Trevor's departure, so I bravely went to the only place more intense than a mega rally, Midtown Manhattan during the holidays.

No, thank you.

Trevor is leaving.

How does that make you feel?

Sad? Extremely sad?

Have you heard Trevor I was leaving?

You're black girl?

He is a black guy.

Yeah, I'm sad.

He has been such a signature.

He went through coffee. We don't of us. That was such an important part.

Like just seeing him on his house and you everybody be in the pressed, but just he be on TV wasn't such a wonderful thing.

You know, it's Trevor's final show?

Yep, yep.

How does that make you feel?

Everything ends?

Hopefully, our buddy ends.

You're talking about Trevor. You want Trevor to die?

No, no, no, no, no, no no no no.

Okay, misunderstood.

What I like about Trevor is you have to be able to laugh at all sides of everything. Now, I don't want to watch something where they only snap on one person. Let's snap on Biden, Let's snap on Trump, Let's snap on everybody.

Everybody deserves this.

Everybody deserves it.

That's New York. Trevor was leaving the show.

How do you feel about that? Yeah, I feel like he was the best correspondent. Trevor is the most talented thing on that show.

But there's other talented people who are on the show currently, Trevor Trevor. Other correspondents there are. Your favorite might be Jimmy Fallon is not a correspondent of The Daily Shot. That is Yeah, that's totally different show. I know, yeah, I'm talking about it. There's other people who work on The Daily Show or equally talented.

That's all I know.

Ever, the other one, you know, you know, Jordan Clupper doesn't ring about it, doesn't ring about not even even that the guy who goes out puts his life on the line, multiple Emmy nominations.

I love Noah. You just love Noah. You can be confronted with Jordan Clupper, you wouldn't know, no I would still talking to, you'd still talk to. Fortunately, some finds due more than others. What's your favorite Trevor Noah segment.

Between the scenes. I think that's beautiful. It'll because you see I really human side.

Of the celebrity, you know, just being human We New York. There's like human we life.

Who Trevor's covered a lot of interesting and important moments.

If you had to pick a favorite police shooting that he's covered, which one would it be?

But your favorite landhearded moment from COVID too minute account. I'm sorry today the day. Yeah, you guys are embarking on something new.

What advice do you have for somebody else who's also embarking on something now?

Always told things fruit So.

Like with a close friend or a colleague or somebody, Yeah, talk to them before you make the.

Biggest decision of your life.

It's a smart thing to do. Your fans. Trevor is retiring today. And where's he going?

Now?

Yeah, he's gonna open a candy shop and ride back.

Okay, Hey, I think I'm just guessing he won't tell anybody what he's doing.

But do you know where he's going?

What he's been doing? It is unclear. I know he always likes soccer. I don't know how easy that is to get into it. He's like anybody could do it, so maybe got it?

What is he going to be doing next?

You know?

I think he's going to Ukraine. Whether it's stand up worries fighting.

Oh well, I'm looking forward to that.

I look forward to seeing him as he hits the road potentially and stops in Tampa, because I know he does that occasionally.

So you want Trevor to come to tatim.

Absolutely, I want him to come to me.

That's white privilege, right there.

A black man retires after long, long years of work and you're like, please come to me.

Make me laugh, Trevor. The truth is the word. I'm stream was loud and clear.

Trevor.

Thank you very much, Trevor.

We will miss you.

We love you, Trevor.

We're gonna miss you so much.

You were the best this bard.

Combat.

I said, see you soon, come come back soon.

You're not like trolling us and through Absolutely good luck and.

Thank you for keeping us a little bit more safe.

I'm fun at the candy shop. Yo, Trevor, You're the man.

Whatever you do.

Congratulations, keep it real and with everybody.

Trever, I wish you the best.

You're awesome.

Thank you for all your work.

Go make fun of the world.

I was gonna say, like exactly that, verbatim, Go make fun of the world.

Wow.

Trying to for everybody all, thank you, thank you so much for us Wow, and one last time to hold the corresponders. Please give it up one more.

Time, everybody ever sing around the car, fun.

Ever sing it Daisy, Ladex, Poy Kay, Michael Costa, don't such low more with Julia.

Thank you so much. Give it up, everybody for the best fake news team and history. Everybody, what do these people? What do these people?

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