You're listening to Comedy Central. Donald Trump is. You know. Here's the thing about Donald Trump that I will admit that a lot of people don't even realize they feel about him. Is I think Donald Trump appeals to a thing that every human being has inside of them, and that is to live in a world where you can just say and do whatever you like, even if you don't like him. There are moments where you watch him
and you're just like, man, it looks liberating. You've been impeached, there's a Senate trial, and you're on stage like dishwashers. What's the deal?
Not enough water in the dish hushers?
You got the toilet, you're flushing it so many ja so Manija, it doesn't flush it?
Does it go down?
Does it go down? He's just like he's living his life. He's just living his life. Oh man, all right, we're ready to do some sports. Yeah, We're to do it. Give it up for Roy and Michael. Everybody's the wildest. The wildest thing Trump said in that speech was he was at the rally and then he said he said to the audience, he said, he said, I can't believe it. I'm talking about Charlotte's showers, Fawcetts washing machines. It's not dignified.
It's not dignified. I can't talk about this at the State of the Union.
I can't.
I would, but I can because I want them to say it was a great speech. I can't. You can't make a great speech if you're talking about washes and dishwash. No one's gonna say what a great speech. He spoke about dishwatchers, and I was like, that's that's actually a brilliant observation. It's true. I was thinking about it. The hold downs, like I think it is impossible to make. I don't who you like. Can you imagine like Martin
Luther King, with all of his like speaking prowess. I doubt that he could be out there and he'd just be like, ah, flush that tos. So many times it never went down. I tried again and again, it never went down.
It's just it's not like I don't care how great you are as a speaker dishwasher.
There's no great dishwasher speech out there. There's no Nelson Mandela dishwashers speech where he's just like I believe in a dishwasher where that blurts, and that dishes where the balls and the cops are not saparata. Let that dish put to gather. Let that been next to that pots nor more sapata. All of that's nuts. President Trump did an interview with the Wall Street Journal, right and it was it was so batchit crazy that they basically just
didn't release it. That's what they did. Here's one of my favorite parts. My favorite parts of the leaked interview was when Donald Trump was bragging about how he calls the leaders of other countries and he literally this is what he said. He said, you call places like Malaysia, Indonesia, and you say, you know, how many people do you have? And it's pretty amazing how many people.
They have, and like and like, like if you if you forget for a moment, he's president, which is hard, but if you do, this is one of the cutest things you've ever heard.
Like Trump just calls countries to learn about them. That's all he's doing. It's like a little kid doing a school project. Just phones other countries, like how many people in your country? What's your capital? How much is your money do you have? Mexicans?
Okay, bye bye, Like that's insane that Donald Trump is just doing this all the I mean, think about no, think about it from the perspective of other leaders, because we go like, oh, we live with Donald Trump. He's crazy.
But if you're a foreign leader. Back in the day, the phone would ring if the United States president was calling you. It was a huge deal. The red phone rings. You answers like the President of America is calling, you know what I mean. People in Africa be like, it's the American president. Something important must be happening. And then now with Trump phoning, it's just gonna be Africans like, as they're President of America again, why don't you answer? No?
He probably just wants to know how toilet raff can get. No, don't don't outside the phone, don't auntside their phone, don't auntside their phone. We won't talk to him later. That's the one exciting thing about Donald Trump is that we're all learning about the country with him, Like this is the first time, Like, can I sell You're at the end of Donald Trump's psidency. We will all be as
qualified to be president as he will. We will all have the same training, the same knowledge, the same experience, all of that shit. I'm like in Molument's clause divestment of business. Like I'm just I'm in the mix. Now, I'm just like, you know, because it's like Americans, because beforehand, be honest, Americans were like a little you know, a little apathetic about everything. Americans were like, yeah, President will
handle that. It's okay, it's okay. You know. It's like Obama is driving the bus and everyone's like, yeah, he's a good driver. I trust him. I trust him. And then like Donald Trump's like albut and now everyone's like, okay, how did the breaks work? How did the breaks work? Okay, study people, He's gonna kill us. What would I ask Trump if I could meet him? Ha, That's a tough one because like, over time, I've come to realize that, like, like I understand Trump's formula, Like I know that he lies.
I know what he lies about and why he lies. I know sometimes if he doesn't like the question, he's just gonna take it to a question that he wants to answer. So most of the time, it's like like today, they asked him about like why he did what he did with the Ukraine, and then he started talking about the markets and the economy, and then he started talking about Iran and then the fake media. So I'll be honest with you, I would try and be crazy before he can be crazy to see how he would respond.
So like I would throw, I would just come in and I'll be like, yo, mister Trump, now you speak to a lot of world leaders. You have a great relationship with the Childa and Wakanda. So do you think do you think the US stands to gain vibranium from this deal? And then, knowing him, he'd be like, you know, we're looking at it. It's such a great deal. I've been a big fan. I love them so much, so much, and we're gonna look at it. You know, if I hadn't already lived through this before, I would be a
little bit calmer or a little bit more shocked. But this is exactly what happens. I try and explain this to people. I go like, when I said Trump was an African dictator, it feels like people only focus on the joke and they didn't ask themselves what that comes with, right, Because in Africa that's what leaders do. This is how they go about dismantling the systems around them that they feel inhibit what they're trying to do, which is control
everything with no accountability. My president. The parallels between my president Jacob Zuomer and South Africa and Donald Trump are insane. At this point. They both came in with charges of corruption against them and you know Trump University and my president had like seven hundred and eighty charges of corruption against him, and you know, sexual assault allegations. The same thing on my present side, his family getting money from the business. You see it with the Kushioners, you see
it with Ivanka, you see with Eric and Donald. Same thing on my present side. These children were getting money because of their ties to the presidency. The one thing that was different was I was like, oh, well, I mean your guy hasn't fired the head, and then that's what happens. Yeah. The only thing, the only upside is like at least Donald Trump fired co me, my president Jacob Zuomer, the President of South Africa. He dismantled our
FBI completely. He was just like, yeah, he looked this literally already said he said, they're always investigating, investigating, so much investing, Like let's do something else. And then he just shut the whole FBI down and then it was just gone. It was just the craziest thing ever. It was just like, yeah, they're gone our FBI. That was called the Scorpions. That's what they called it. They were
called the Scorpions. And then they shut it down and then people complained, and then almost like he was patronizing about it. He was like, all right, we'll start a new one. He's like, we'll call it the Hawks. It's like, we didn't care about the animals had of it. We cared about what it does. This whole thing with Trump and the Democrats and the infrastructure meeting, for me, is really easy to understand if you understand Trumps as just
a human being, which I know is hard. I know it's hard, But if you just think of him as a human being, you understand that he he can't compartmentalize, right, So like, fundamentally, look at what happened here. The Democrats had a meeting where they were talking about him possibly obstructing justice, investigating him, etc. And then the next meeting they have is with him to talk about infrastructure, and he's like, no, you can't. You can't just do that.
You get what I'm saying, Like, Trump is Trump is Trump is Like you just you just said you're gonna investigate me and maybe impeach me, and now you want to talk to me about and he's like no, and then like yeah, that was a separate meeting. He's like no, h Like, fundamentally, it's it's it's like a relationship, you
know what I mean. It's like Trump is going like, no, like we just fought in the living room, and then now you're get in the bedroom and the Democrats are like, so you want to do infrastructure and Trump is like, no, no, I still want to talk about what happened in the living room. And then like Donald, that was the living room. He's like, I don't care. You're not getting any of this until we talk about that. That's that's fundamentally what
it is. And I honestly get where he's coming from as a human being, like in that way, because like, what's weird it has been for me for a long time, especially with American politicians, but politicians in general, is they have this weird rhythm of how they deal with love and hate, you know, so like for a long time in America it's been that way. One party is trying to destroy another candidate or another person on the other side,
and they still work with them. So, for instance, like Obama's a good example, Republicans ran around calling him a secret Muslim, although the sacred Muslim. He's a sacred Muslim, and then like like immediately the next day he would work with them on whatever project that they were working on together. Do you get what I'm saying. Yeah, he'd be like, yeah, I mean I don't like what they said, but I gotta work. We gotta work towards healthcare. We
gotta do this thing. I mean, like they but they said that thing, and it worked the other way as well. It's not like it was a you know, it's a Democrat pro thing. It was the same thing the other way around. You know, Democrats accused George Bush of stealing the election, but then afterwards they were like, yeah, we're still gonna help you to invade Iraq, you know, And I mean that's pretty much what an American politics is. Trump is like, no, I remember what you said. Not nice.
You guys are amazing, Thank you very much, everybody. So he was meant to do a press conference at three pm, and then three pm came and went and he wasn't holding the press conference, and then like four pm came and went and he wasn't. And by the way, this is not the first time he's done like Donald Trump is late to every single press conference. He's In fact, I realized when I was sitting looking at Donald Trump. Donald Trump is everything that people thought a black president
would be. When you think about it, all the shit, all the shit people used to talk about a black president. Donald Trump has done it. Every single thing. People were like, oh, oh, the first black person. What is he gonna arrive at two hours late for a press briefing? Ah, and Donald Trump is doing that.
Now Donald Trump people were saying those things, Oh shit, man, first black president.
He be bringing his whole family to the White House. Sit.
Yeah, this is my brother in law, this my.
Sister, this my donna, this my son.
They all in and now Trump.
Is like, all of them are in. This is if I get this is like every single thing that they said.
The guy eats fried chicken on his plane.
Do you realize that Donald Trump? Donald Trump eats fried chicken on a plane taking pictures and everyone's like, yeah, this is fun and cool. And then Obama was like professional, professional, I'm professional and people were like, yeah, whatever, man, But if he did one of those things. Can you mention if Obama AKFC on a plane. I'll be honest with you, it's entertaining to watch Joe Biden roast Trump, But I
don't know if it's the rights approach for two reasons. One, that's Trump's game through and through, Like you might be able to do that for one speech. Trump has literally done that his entire presidency, do you know what I mean?
That's all he knows how In fact, I think Trump would prefer it if the race stays in a world of just roasting people and making jokes and being disparaging, because then you never have to get into policy, you never have it, you have to get into ideas, you never have to get into the details of how you're going to run the country. Trump loves that shit. So if it's just about, like, you know, roasting people, he's gonna be in that game. He's never gonna get tired,
he's never gonna look inept, you know. I honestly think it plays into his favor, you know, whereas Budajet has had an interesting technique I know where if you saw him, they were like, what do you make of Trump insulting you? And he was just like I He's like, yeah, I don't do that. He's like yeah, I mean he can.
He can have his little childish insults, but I don't do that, and it like deflates everything because it's like like you remember in school, if like one kid was pushing another one, another kid just walked away and was like no, then the kid pushing looked like an asshole. You're like, ah, he s'ould stuff. But if that kid was like, I'll push you back, then we're like fight fight fight, fight bye. And that's what I think can happen here because Joe can't do that for you, and
he can't nobody really can. Remember when Marco Rubio tried that failed dismally thought he was gonna jump into Trump's game. He was like, no, I don't insult. I don't insult, and then he snapped and he was like, you know what, screw it. Donald Trump is a small dick. And then the media was like Marco, how could you say this, baby, and they're like, no, marcol that's disgusting. And then Trump came back in the debates and he was like, by the way, big dick over here, and then people like
that's just Trump be Trump. That's what he does. Suns it like it is no people like him or they don't like him. They've shown that people are swing voters, in particular, people who voted for maybe Obama and then switched to Trump. Those people are intrigued by a lot of Democratic policies. You know, they do want healthcare. You know, they don't want to be crippled by student debts. They do want job security, they do want to like, they want a lot of the policies. So if you tell
them about the policies, they they're intrigued. They're like, wait, wait, what's that. I don't have to choose between having a house and paying for for my kidney. Oh, tell me more. But then if you just go like Trump's a bad guy, then I can whatever. And then this Trump gets to do his thing. That's who I am doing. My sleepy Joe mentally slows down, and he's not wrong. Everyone slows
down except him. Like if we look at ourselves from three years ago, we're all slower than we were then, and Trump is the the one who's still like that. Da da da da da d d dadda. She's like, Jesus, where do you get the energy? He just never stops. But if you get him in policy, I promise you now just be like, hey, man, let's talk about the numbers, let's talk about the economies, talk about actual policy then and be like, I'm so sleepy. Who would I vote
for the person who's running against Donald Trump? I mean, if I was voting for jokes, i'd vote for Donald Trump. But I'm tired of him now. It's like I thought Donald Trump was gonna be like crazy a little bit, and then we get to talk about other things in the world, and he just he doesn't want to not be the story. That's what frustrates me about him, do you know what I mean? So like you go like, man, just be a little bit crazy and go away. Then be a little bit crazy, then go away. You know
what I'm saying. Let us like, you know, like indulgent likely. It's like it's like a like a show. Imagine if like Game of Thrones was like daily, you'd be like, I'm tired of these dragons. Dragons once a week, wow, dragons every day. You're like, that's true. He doesn't understand that, Like, you know, it's like it's too much. It's just it's
just too much. I'm tired and just because he's always no, because like even now the you know, you have the rallies and you have the caucuses, and you have the primaries taking place. Who was in Iowa for no reason? Donald Trump? Do you get what I'm saying? New Hampshire is going to be tomorrow? Who's holding a rally in New Hampshire the exact same time. He just cannot stand to not be the news, do you know what I mean?
Like if Donald Trump was like at somebody's bridal shower, he'd just be like, I'm also pregnant, be like no, like you're you're not pregnant. I am totally pregnant, so pregnant. I'm happy that you're getting married, but I'm pregnant and I'm marrying my baby twice the announcements, You're like, no, what are you doing? Man? It just has to be about him? So yeah, so any And I hope that's the thing where I do think Republicans have a more
what's the word I'm looking for. It's not even realistic, but they have a more cutthroat way of thinking about an election. Is I understand that many Democratic voters can get to the point where because it's a binary system. You like, I don't like one, I don't like the other, I hate the other, I don't like one. On what am I gonna I'm not gonna vote. But Republicans last time, what do they say, I'm gonna you know, I'm gonna
hold my nose and vote for Trump. They were like, this man is many Republicans like, he's despicable, he's crude, he doesn't represent us, he's this is not I'm here for the fiscal numbers and this and the data. And they're like, but I can't get anyone else. I'll vote for him, hold my nose. And then a lot of Democrats are like, no, I'm not voting at all. And then it's like what people don't seem to realize is then you get all of nothing as opposed to some
of something. Do you get what I'm saying? It's not a romantic you know. One of my one of my favorite moments, randomly in hosting the show was I saw a was it? What do they call them? Do they call them? A truth social that that like fake Twitter that no one even the right wingers are on really a truth right? I don't know what it is anyway. What no, It's like at this called truth social I think no one cares anyway. The points is the points is.
Trump sent out one of his thingies, I don't know what they called, and it said it was like Trevanoa was never funny, John Stewart was only slightly better. And then like he goes on like a rant and he's just like these people don't realize if they moved more to the center like me, they would have more followers. Then I'm like center like you. I'm like, my man, you think you're in the middle. But what was funny?
I was like someone was like, oh, he said that you're not funny and well and I was like, yeah, I read that. But I was like, oh, so you're watching.
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