The Best of Desus Nice as Guest Host

You're listening to Comedy Central, yow Yo. Welcome to the Daily Show.

I'm your host, Jesus Nice and And for those of you at home who might be confused, I'm not Charlemagne. I'm the other black black guy. Oh that's how up. In which case, I am Charlemagne. We've got a great show.

For you tonight.

So let's get into some headlines. Republicans are trying to figure out a new Speaker of the House, and surprise, surprise, even Republicans don't like other Republicans.

On Friday, House Republicans dropped Jim Jordan of Ohio as the nominee in a secret ballot after his three failed attempts to get elected. At least nine Republicans are now vying to be the Speaker of the House, setting the stage for a new candidate forum tomorrow. Among the contenders Byron Donalds of Florida, retired Marine Corps Lieutenant General Jack Bergman of Michigan, a majority whip, Tom Emmer of Minnesota, who's backed by Alston Speaker Kevin McCarthy.

That's right, they got nine Republicans running for speaker. Now, I'm gonna be honest, I kind of want to root for Byron.

I feel like he might be my god.

I mean no particular reason, but for real, though, look at this group of contenders. It looks like someone put a bottle of Hershey syrup.

In the mayonnaise owl.

Yo.

All these white dudes look the same.

In fact, three of them are the same guy and you didn't even notice.

That's how similar they are. If you ask me, and Byron could win this thing easy. Oh yes.

To do is say vote for me and I'll let you say it. Yeah, you know what I'm talking about. I'm kidding, you know they already say it. It's time for some financial news. The Daily Show is a serious show. I know some people expect me to come on here and do my thing writer just roast people by that I have beeflip.

But this is a serious show.

There's a serious chair, serious desk, and now I'm going to give you some important financial news, so important I have to put on my spectacles.

I report on the serious financial news.

Popular radio host DJ Envy now distancing himself from an alleged multimillion dollar fraud scheme.

Not DJ Envious, that was never on my radar.

Go on, federal agents arresting his longtime friend and one time business partner, Caesar Pinia on charges of wire fraud, accusing him of a Ponzi like real estate scheme that allegedly defrauded investors.

Out of millions.

Pinya often appeared on The Breakfast Club, a top twenty iHeartRadio show with millions of listeners and YouTube subscribers to promote real estate investment. He also held seminars and created YouTube videos with Djnvy has not been charged in connection with the case, but many of the alleged victims say they were influenced by his celebrity status.

Wow, DJ Envy is in trouble for real estate fraud. What a serious story. It's definitely not funny. There's certainly nothing personal that makes it funny to me. It's not like Rashaan.

Accosted me on the radio for making a little joke about him and his wife, which I only.

Thought we were friends. It's not like you called me dickhead.

And then got so mad he locked himself in the studio for the rest of the show and then told the building security I was a threat.

But even if that happened, that's all in the past. I'm just reading the news.

Listen, and apparently the news is DJ Mvy might go to jail for an alleged Ponzi scheme flipped houses in New Jersey.

That's not hilarious. It's tragic because he's just a DJ.

I mean, there's no way he could have known he might have been involved in a Ponzi scheme.

Right when I.

First got into real estate, I called three people. I called Clue, I called Fabulous, I called Joe Button. Joe Button told me it was a Ponzi scheme and I was gonna go to jail.

That clip is not funny. We are not laughing at this. We're also not asking who's a dickhead? Now, I'm being serious. Look at these spectacles. This could have happened to anybody. Whenever I'm doing financial transactions. I also get advice from Joe Butten, Fabulous and DJ Clue. Everybody knows that the Lehman Brothers of hip hop, and look, I don't want Envy to go to prison. I mean, imagine getting locked up for one of the corniest crimes in hip hop history.

Right breaking news out of Washington.

House lawmakers finally elected the next Speaker of the House.

After twenty two days, fourteen candidates and four nominees, House Republicans united to elect Congressman Mike Johnson of Louisiana the new Speaker of the House.

Republicans finally named conservative Congressman Mike Johnson.

And it's about time.

That's right.

America's new Speaker of the House is some dude named Mike Johnson.

I'll be be honest.

That sounds like the name you give a hotel when you're checking in after having an affair.

Hey, my name is Mike Johnston. You went rooms by the hour.

Now, if you don't know Mike Johnson, don't worry. Nobody else does. But what we do know is that he wants nationwide limits on abortion. He wants the criminalized gay sex, and he even wants to ban reggae thoon.

All right, I'm lying on.

The last one, but that seems like this vibe because it comes off as a dick and the one other thing people know about this dude, he was one of the main guys trying to steal the election for Donald Trump, but apparently he doesn't want to talk about that anymore. Johnson is a Stauns Trump ally who recruited Republicans to sign on to efforts to.

Overturn the twenty twenty election.

I asked him, if he stands by that vote, can you help me?

All right?

Someone can get there, Nana.

So at first, when I saw that reaction, I was like, damn, that was a lot.

But then I learned the reporter who asked the question was black.

That didn't be order to make a little more.

Sense, especially when I found out the shut up lady is named Virginia and she represents North Carolina.

That's a lot of Southern heritage right there.

I bet you she was born in some small town named Plantationville or something.

Where was she born? Oh shit? Oh? She from the BX wow BX day. Wait yo, I remember her?

Yo?

Yo?

She used to be on the block. That's Jimmy for one four nine yo.

We went to high school together. She got old as shit. Oh man, I see you. Let's kick things off with the Supreme Court justice who's accepted more gifts than'll make a wish kids, Clarence Thomas. So every day there's a new story about Thomas accepting lavish gifts from his rich ass friends and not reporting any of it.

And now Thomas is in morhot water because someone Boughheima Jacuzzi. I'm just kidding. It was RV.

Clarence Thomas has been an RV evangelist for decades, traveling the country in a forty foot luxury motor coach that he purchased in nineteen ninety nine after borrowing more than a quarter of a million dollars from a wealthy friend. But a new report from Democrats on the Senate Finance Committee alleges Thomas's friend forgave a substantial amount of that massive loan, and nine years later, his friend forgave all

We've all been on one side of the other of that equation.

No, we have nots Okay, I've never had a friend. Just give me. I don't know two hundred and fifty thousand dollars.

Hell, last week I bummed a cigarette from my guy Tommy. He sent me a Venmo request. I do have a question for Clarence's rich friend. You want to hang some song like yo, this catch a Knicks game? I got Courtside season be paid for them, but Loki, I'm disappointed in Clarence. If you got to take a bribe, it should be extravagant, like gold bars and diamonds.

This is depressing.

You bear on abortion because you want someone else to let you drop a bus. Also, they said that driving RVs a Clarence thomas favorite thing in the world. Look at my man face. This is what Clarence Thomas looks like when he's happy. I'm enjoying this. Hurray now, if you know anything about me, I am a real New Yorker. But I don't know if any of y'all are real New Yorkers. So I hit the street to find out.

You're what up? It's your boy, Jesus is nice.

We're here in New York City talking to New Yorkers about what makes them a real New Yorker. We're gonna find out if it's about being born here versus the experience you had here follow me or this?

Hear some chop cheese stories? You consider yourself a real New Yorker? Definitely?

Yes, we're born here. I was born here for Green Brooklyn Brooklyn Hospital. That's how you know he's a real New Yorker. He told me the hospital. I did not ask him. Okay, this is what we do. We are ignoxious like that. Are you a New Yorker?

I consider myself in New Yorker? You can consider yourself in New Yorker. I moved here from Hong Kong when I was four years old.

Is there like one event that happened and you're like, damn it, I went through that I'm a New Yorker Or is it just the whole experience?

Really?

The whole experience.

I mean even this itself, it's an experience I would consider.

Yeah, what do you feel is the most New York thing you've ever seen? Probably when Jay Z brought over the lawsuit ship.

Boy as a New Yorker? What borough has the worst guys?

The worst guy?

I would say, the Bronx. How do you have to trade? What's wrong with the Bronx?

I just feel like the Bronx is dirt, you know offence?

What about Hopetown and the Bronx you have been I don't freak with the Bronx.

Bro even go with the It's just far bro as far as training ride, as far, the most crazy I said I've seen.

I was on Fordham Road in Grand Concourse and a crackhead went right in the middle of the street and it just took a ship.

That's the most craziest shot I've seen it so far.

To be fair, is that crazy for Fordham Road? Nah Na lebron At. Every New Yorker has one of these. I have to ask you what your your goal?

Order?

Chop Chop cheese. Yeah, that was the Hero roll. It was a morning.

Yeah, let me get a boch mayonnaise, so pepper extra tomato.

You longing to see a baking nugg and cheese. I don't. I don't that stereotypical.

So you want me to say if.

You said that, that means you're a transplant or undercover cop. We're not falling through which will leads to ratings. If you think is a better rating an A or a C, I'm saying you passed that.

A means just clean. The rats that work there have benefits that conduct. You know what the C means.

No, it's supposed to me and the place is disgusting, it's probably rat here in the food wrong, it means it's probably some of the best food you have, succument.

You're gonna eat that chicken off the phone? Which is the best restaurant? Grave? Come on off the river, off the river, okay? Amy clean by?

Yeah?

You know, if they ain't give you no attitude and they ain't got to see on the front door spot with the big chicken wings be stands for best?

Are you a Knicks fan?

Oh?

Come on, baby? Do it die in the Mexican right? I mean, you know we wait in a minute, but we think we got this year.

We got got a baby.

Oh die hard let's New York clicks all day, baby. That's what I love about New Yorkers are optimists.

But when the Knicks winner championship, what are you going to vandalize me?

Personally?

I'm gonna flip the Christopher Columbus statue of fifty ninth Street.

Get him out of here, Get him out of If you got one piece of advice for anyone about to come to New York, what would you What advice is mind your business? And you won't get mine?

Your business? Min your business?

Mine?

I got the business.

I think you were passed the test. You are real New Yorker. Man.

I appreciate you about to go put on a fresh Yankee fit Air Force one on man. Even though you completely destroyed the Bronx and you called its dirty, you said we're fatherless.

I recognize you are true New York here.

Yes, thank you.

Using the talent that was given to me by Juliani, I now proclaim you a true New Yorker.

This guy is the real deal right here. Pleas one day. Let's go, Baby, Let's go mex Let's go, Niggs. What does it take to be a New Yorker? In your opinion, you.

Have to have a lot of grits, and you have your work hardly heard. And also you just have to be opinionated.

Pulled your own you know what, using your own standard of definition of a New Yorker.

You passed the test, Sam Oh, thank you. You are now a true New Yorker. I want you to walk down the street.

And bump into someone and not apologize.

Here we go, here we go, can't be back.

My guest tonight represents New York's fourteenth Conversional District, which includes parts of the Bronx and Queens. Please welcome Congresswoman Alexandria Cosio cartoon.

Aot listen. Always good to see you.

Always good to see a Bronx site, Always good to see at introduction.

How you've been I've been good.

I mean it's been a little, you know, crazy, and it's been.

A wild time in Congress. What's in Rod been like for you?

Because I see you on social media and you can just be like, hey, it's a sunny day and people are like I hate you.

You know, it's not that different than the six train at midnight sometimes got you. So you know, you get that practice.

Right, but you still love what you do.

I do in fact, I think I love it now more than ever.

Okay, I have to ask you about the House speaker debacle.

Yes, from the outside, I have no idea what's going in? Could you just really quickly explain it.

So Republicans kicked out their speaker and now they can't find a new guy to run their group projects. Yes, and they're all like fighting with each other about it.

Got you?

Yeah, Now for a local in the Bronx, how does this affect them?

So in terms of how this affects the Bronx, we've got a clock ticking on a government shutdown. And if this gets us to a point of a government shutdown, I mean that's real, right, that's when we start seeing TSA and airports get affected. That's when people could potentially miss their checks. So this is something that's really important for everybody to make sure that we get that pressure on.

And so on. Got you?

Now?

You know people say Congress doesn't really get anything done right now because of the shutdown. What were you guys getting done before? Because I know you've been doing something.

Okay, that's an excellent question. I will say from when Republicans took over to now, they provided a lot.

Of meme content.

Yes, But before that, when Democrats were in the majority, we passed the largest climate package in American history. How we capt the insulin at thirty five dollars for people. We made sure that you know, when the pandemic went through, we started the program of child tax credits. Now we had some folks in the Senate shut that down, but when we take back the Senate, we want to make sure that we re establish and expand those programs back again too.

So okay, we're able to do some things.

They're on the struggle box for a little bit.

Did I put some respect on my name? I feel you?

All right?

So we just did a piece about the people running for House Speaker.

Who are you voting for?

None of them? I can tell you I'll be casting my vote for Hakim Jeffries, all right.

So you know, talks of our parents, all the parents immigrants are the lifeblood of New York City. Our Mayor Eric Adams. He said, we can't handle anymore in here. You represent one of the most diverse district in Congress.

What can be done at a federal level to help.

Well, here's the thing is that I think, whether from all parts of the political spectrum, one of the biggest issues that we have when it comes to immigration is the fact that we have an undocumented population. Now, you can fix that by trying to build a wall, or you can fix that by trying to document people and create a path to citizenship. And we'll have folks that might say, look at these systems. You know that our

Put two and two together?

That that our processes today are so difficult that they make our immigration process difficult. But that doesn't mean that immigrants do not create a positive contribution to our country and our economy and our society. And so the answer should really be, we should make it easier to be legal, documented, and a citizen of the United States.

And I'm right there, right there.

What was great talking to you? Thank you for coming. Give it up for Congresswoman Alexander.

From the bel My guest tonight is a.

Grammy nominade rapper whose latest single is called Work Hard, Play Hard.

Please Welcome to Homie dc W.

What's that?

Brother?

Man?

You walk no good?

So you teach Spanish and music theory in Inglewood High School?

I did well.

I taught Spanish at Inglewood High School. Okay, ultimately I ended up teaching music theory.

And then you have to show the Netflix show Rhythm and Flow absolutely and you are I did Okay?

Did any of your students come back like yo? I couldn't even know. I didn't even know you could spit like that.

Man, I run into my students everywhere, because if you think I talked for over like seven years and stuff and so.

Exag and each each.

Year you have anywhere from one hundred to like two hundred students and.

So they're all over the world.

They're adults now, and so you run run into them o hiking trails and they're like, wow, mister Ferris. It was like you was a good teacher, but you're a better rapper.

I'm like, I don't know what that means.

Also, if your students are on hiking trails, you're a good teacher.

You know what I'm saying. You know, they processing.

Reason all right, we just did a segment about bullying schools and they actually said California is number one for bullying while you were teacher.

Who is worse in bullion? High schoolers or rappers?

I'm gonna have to say high schoolers easily. High schoolers they're nah, man, They're they're heartless sometimes, you know. And and I think that the teachers sometimes are easy targets.

You know.

They're like, oh, you have a job to protect and all that. So they're just they're shoot at the teacher. And sometimes you just got to take the teacher hat off and be like.

Man, that's why your mama, no, you know, let me just shoot back. You know.

You know what, It's crazy because when you when you when you take off the cool hat and you shoot back at the students.

Then they're like, okay, he's not playing. Just let me respect.

Their biggest fear is the fear of being embarrassed, so you you might have to pick at it one time, you know, and not of course not overboard, but let them know that you you're there, you in the moment, you know.

You got you.

So your family's in the business musical family.

Your brother is sir, My brother is sir.

Okay, are you familiar?

Yeah?

How does that work?

Having a family member also sertainment, like like if you want you on a remix, is you's like, so, brother, you go through a no, we go direct, We go direct, but after the music is.

Done, it's still got to go through like the proper channels. But you know, there's a lot of respect there because.

We're not a group.

You know, we're our own artists and and we just admire each other so much that we we choose the right moments to put our songs. And that's where this single came about. It's like, is the time And we both looked at each other, it's like, yeah, it's time.

Work hard, play hard, work hard, play brother, you're working on ya novel?

Yeah, young man, there's so many acronyms in my head. I'm like, why, you know, I used to work.

On the library.

So I'm being like a wild nerd.

Right now because I'm like, ya, don't they call juvenile hall y a?

I don't know, but wow.

That's I went to ya for three years.

It was hard.

But shout out to you because you know, like having as a black man writing a ye a novel, you feel like you have more teaching to do.

You have more absolutely if you absolutely. I'm an educator by trade. I'm an educator at heart, but I'm also critical of the education system.

I won't go into it.

It's just, you know, it's not necessarily the best circumstances under which to reach people, you know, like you have to do certain things, you know, Whereas the things that really impacted me the most, there are certain books that changed my life, one of which was The Alchemist, you know, And for me, I'd like to believe I've written the Hood Alchemists, you know, and so yeah, so I'm super proud of that.

Gotcha.

And now, in this current musical environment, what advice could you give a new artist if they're really trying to stand out? Because it' assuming new artists out there.

Absolutely.

I mean I always tell artists two things. I tell them, extend a runway, right, give yourself more time than people tend to. Everybody's trying to hit home runs.

Right.

Everybody wants to blow up. But if you grow up, nobody can take from you what you built.

Right.

If you blow up, it can happen. Then you're try to figure out where you at.

You know, so.

Spet the runway, grow up, be consistent. What changed my life is what got me on Rhythm and Flow is that I was putting something out once a week consistently with a visual. So I'm talking about if it took me putting a tripod down and filming it myself and the editing it every friday, you was gonna get a new piece of content. And I knew what my creative advantage was. I spoke Spanish. I was just I'm not gonna wear I was a black man from Inglewood speaking Spanish, said gotcha, gotcha, gotcha?

And I knew people hadn't seen that.

So I'm like, let's demonstrate that and mix it with some of the contents, some of the message and do it once a week. And then we started getting the phone calls, so a lot of people think, oh, rhythm and flow puts you on, Like, no, they called us, you know what I'm saying to be a part of that, so gotch.

So thank you for coming through as explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by searching The Daily Show wherever you.

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