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Wall Street gets a kick in the nasdacs. The World Wrestling Federation is going public on the New York Stock Exchange, hoping to body slam the market, pile drive its competitors, and put a sleeper hold on investors. In a story that can only be described as full of dumb metaphors to welcome the WWF to the big board, Today's trading session ended with stone cold Steve Austin slamming Alan Greenspan's head into the closing bow.

Now Daily Show.

Chief financial correspondent Stephen Colbert has been following this story very closely. We go now live to Wall Street for a report. Steven DUP's the advance word on the trading floor for the wrestling public.

Offering well, John, the WWF IPO is creating quite a buzz. Investors are looking for product, branding and long term growth.

You want, Morghie, I will kick your short term bind so far up you with holdings.

You're gonna be picking Fanny Maids out of your ass for a week.

David, Wait, Steven, what is is everything okay?

Down there?

It's nothing, John.

Some of the Morgan Stanley foreign debt guys are uh, they're trash talking.

Has this wrestling IPO really changed the mood down there.

On the floor, Well, there's a sense of increased optimism, but that could be attributed to the fed's restraint on interest rates.

Steve and I, I don't mean to interrupt.

Who who is that?

Oh?

He goes by the name of the underwriter. You don't want a piece of that, June.

I can't. This is shocking. It seems the floor has really gotten caught up in the spirit of this IPO.

You you want to know why the yen is down, yamamodo because you panny waste can't handle a gold back currency. Never got the kneeky.

It's for old ladies and bad winners. Oh oh nun.

Chucked right, Stavid Is did I just hear the closing bell? No?

John, it's the opening sounds of what pass season.

Come on you you you.

Will taste the sweet dish of my wrath.

Thank you very much.

Stephen Colbert on the floor of the wall Treet Trading Firm.

Something.

You may watch a program last night. You know that Barack Obama was our guest on the program. He was not actually here in the studio. The good news. Of course, hope can be transmitted via satellite now just flies through the air. We've actually had now all the presidential candidates on our show, the three that are remain, and I would like to think that appearing on this program is as low as they're going to go to pander for votes.

On the eve of the Pennsylvania primary, all three presidential candidates will be specifically addressing you. Are WWE fans right here tonight, let's get readiness dub.

I'm Hillary Clinton, but tonight, in honor of the WWE, you can call me hill Rod.

No, I've got one question. Do you smell what Baraka is cooking?

No? Of course, Senator McCain, he's got the nomination sewn up He's not gonna have to pepper his message with embarrassing wrestling affectation. What she gonna do when John McCain and all his mccani acts run wild on you? Generally, when mccainiacs run wild on me, I rubbed some lotrum in on it. Why do the candidates humiliate themselves in cable backwaters like ww E RAW and The Daily Show because they're running for president and the chance to humiliate themselves on a network.

I'd rather be on Deal or.

No deal with Ether Night.

Come to think of it, I'm thrilled.

To be anywhere with high ratings these days.

He's incredibly unpopular for more. Return to Daily Show, Senior political analyst, Whyat's and Aack in Washington? Wyatt, you know I'm about done, I gotta tell you. As you scroll down through all these scandals, it's hard to imagine that any of these people believe in anything. Their ethics are purely situational. Or perhaps they're brain damage to have no short term memories.

I don't know, John, here's your problem. You think politicians want to win their arguments when all they really want to do is keep having them. They know arguments are interesting they energize voters, they keep the money flowing in.

You're telling me that their interest is in conflict, not in resolution.

Yes, John, do you watch professional wrestling? Yes, so then you know that right now Sean Michaels is angry at the Undertaker rightfully, so, yeah, but they're gonna settle it in the squared circle, so it will be done well unless something were to happen to keep the fight going.

I get it.

They have to keep the conflict going. But at least in wrestling, we know the good guys and the bad guys. Shawn Michaels is a good guy. Undertaker is a bad guy.

Until the swerve when they switch. It keeps the audience interested and the money again keeps flowing.

You're saying that congressional leaders flip on issues to keep conflict going and keep the money flowing, keep their bases interested.

John, congress people are in office for like eighty or ninety years. You can't just expect them to do the same character that whole time. It gets boring.

So you're saying, like Harry Reid's flip flop on whether he would like to amend the filibuster is just a pro wrestling move as nuts. That's nuts?

Why really? Okay, Look, John, I didn't want to have to do this. Mick what who? I brought in Daily Show senior ass kicker Mick Foley to show how easy it is for a politician to work both sides of the filibuster. Foley, save the filibuster, America.

Today is your lucky day.

The evil majorities think they can shut me up, that I'll give.

Up, But today one man can make a difference.

I'm gonna step in that ring all alone, and they can come at me.

With chairs with bats, with chairs made of bats.

But none of that matters as long as I have my one special move.

The filibuster.

Al persuasive argument there, persuasive patriotic arguments.

For the philibuster. I know it's good now right now, check this out. Watch the swerve, Mick Foley, destroy the filibuster.

O your little.

Piss and pencil neck geeks think a filibuster can stop the will of the people, Well, I got two words for you.

Reconcile this.

It's time for one man, one vote, one feet down. You are a get wind bags think you can obstruct progress. Well you might love the sound of your own little voice. But the only thing you're gonna hear tonight is my fist down your throat.

Whoa, whoa, yeah.

Yeah, John, did you hear that?

Did you hear his test?

Have I heard of us?

So both sides can take a position.

But isn't that what the news media.

Is for, to provide context, break through the posturing, and create a little clarity.

Context, John, No, the news guys they're more like the manager, the color guys. They got their own take on the filibuster toy.

So what you're saying is is the whole thing is fake. The whole thing is fake, like professional wrestling. Is that what you're saying?

What did you say?

John?

I said, just.

Look stark what this used to be my ear? No, who's whipped up the side of my head? I want to I want to tell you to talk. I want you want to picture men? Got him?

Well, be right.

Back, got him?

As we've seen, as we've seen recently, it's kids, not politicians who seem to be pushing political change. In fact, most politicians can't even manage to get their own messages out there, and that's especially true for the Democrats. But luckily we might have found a way to help the Dems out. Ronnie Chang reports.

Democrats might know how to rally their banks, but when they reach out to Middle America, they say things like.

For working families to get a share of that prosperity that they're creating, we need some serious enforcement of competition laws.

You're boring single payer, single payer, single It's like you don't even care about what you're saying.

Can you hear me now?

It's no, it's not.

And it's no surprise. Last election, people in swing states went for a guy who said things like.

Who's gonna pay for the law? Like to punch him in the face, I'll tell you.

Trump honed his trade mount oratorical style where else in professional wrestling, and if Democrats were gonna fight back, they needed someone who could go head ahead with a WWE Hall of Famer like Trump.

And in the out of cold country we found him.

Hudger, ignorant mouse, has a progressive liberal have something to say?

Finally a Democrat who doesn't make me want to change the channel. Dan Richards has been making headlines wrestling as the progressive liberal and rolling up small town audiences all over Trump Country.

I should have done this alone.

How hot is it to pretend to have these liberal values?

Oh I'm not pretending.

Shut up.

But even if the crowd hates him, the progressive liberal could teach swing state democrats some classic wrestling techniques for getting voters attention?

Do you want to stick to broad brushstro talking points?

Right? So, Middle America would rather learn about politics through a mostly naked man than by reading a book. Yeah, but Dan assured me that besides wearing shirts, politicians and wrestlers had one key difference.

People in politics will say anything to get elected, whereas a good wrestler, they're only gonna say things that they truly believe in.

So what you're saying is that the level of political discourse in wrestling is actually higher than in politics. Oh yeah, but with Congress immobilized bipartisan politics, what advice did the progressive liberal have for Democrats. Let's say you're Chuck Schumer and Mick McConnell puts you in a headlock. What do you do?

I would reverse it into a top wrist lock.

Now would stomp on his elbow, breaking his.

Wrist, and then the issue would be resolved without a doubt. The progressive liberal had some great ideas for updating democrats messaging, But could you take on the heavyweight champion of White House. Unfortunately he was busy golfing, so we cast someone else to approximate Trump's rhetorical style.

Shop. Yeahs is it just me always getting cold in here? Because that's because there's a snowflake in the ring.

Snow Flake? What pandering?

I'm not pandering one of them. My pandering was working time to take this to the next level. Do you know what this man wants?

Let me guess what you want to do with the guns in this country. Just let me guess you want to take them away.

I don't want to take away guns.

I'm just four really strict background checks.

Okay, that wasn't too hot to understand and the audience was into it.

Okay, fine, whatever about guns. Let me guess what you want to do about marijuana.

I think what people want to do behind closed doors should be their business.

I tell you though, that is.

My position as the progressive liberal looks.

Like broadbrush talking points look especially that marijuana one Democrats. So maybe let wrestlers craft slogans for your next campaign, like lock guns up, or make America Great US, or just for twenty for twenty twenty. Let's face it, what really turns on spring steak crowds isn't words, it's action. I don't care about your positions because you such then all America wants a strong hero who won't back down from

Sake now, pow sag now, pout sech.

Welcome to the future of American politics.

So immigration, clearly a dominance issue in the country right now, is being discussed everywhere. And I do mean everywhere.

I am speaking to you from within our country that is under siege every day. We have bigners flooding our country, sneaking across our border, black rats in the streets.

Hey, hey, I'm one of those rats. And I'll have you know I crossed the ocean on a very comfortable Virgin Atlantic flight the time flew by. So get your facts straight. So even the WWE currently has a storyline around the immigration debate, and to give them credit, they actually had a good discussion about the ambivalence and hypocrisy at the heart of our policies.

Difficult comes out here.

He freams about how Jack Swagger is the real American here from other countries shouldn't come in here, which they shouldn't take our Chidio crows for another country.

Yes, and he's a head.

A quolitude of other countries.

He has a problem for people call the other countries will come here the.

Wrong way, the wrong way.

He's changing his argument today to bring you this guy.

Antonio Cesarrow. He said it, prey, what.

Beautiful dream of television is this? Not only was that technically more articulate a debate than anything we've heard in Congress, but it came with half naked men fighting. It's like c Span with elbow drops. Please give me more.

Was even mad that John Oliver's to John Stewart ex comedient thinking over the Daily Show for a couple of months, with.

What is happening?

What you're mad at me?

You're mad at me?

Oh now this is personal. I know how pro wrestling works. You trash talk about me. I've got a trash talk right back at you. So come on, said, if that is your real faith name, let's do this.

Let's do this thing.

Yeah yeah, yeah, I am here. I'm here to represent for all immigrants. Give me some fireback there. Yes, yes, And let me say, if Zeb wants to go after immigrant rats, he better be prepared to get to get nord one because we got teeth. I may not quite have the muscle mass for this. I might need a little help, Mick Mix, do you mind helping me?

Yes?

Yeah, yeah, yes, oh yes, huh yeh I got this, Okay, take it, take it.

Hey, you got a problem with immigrants, now you've got a problem with me.

Those you've done poke the bear sun.

Zeb.

If you don't like immigrants coming here and taking our jobs, why don't get you get your ass out of the ring and pick vegetables fourteen hours a day for fifty cents an How exactly your points?

Oh hals V would you rather the strawberries and your protein shite costs seventy five bucks? Because that's is the economic reality of the situation. It's complicated.

Complicate your point, immigrants to our toughest, dirtiest jobs.

Do you have what it takes.

The gall the stones to step into a basic cable talk shows host chair.

If your boss goes away from the summer, I don't think you do.

I don't think you've done it.

I do it.

I'll do it.

Even though John Stewart is a TV icon who's hard won legacy, Oliver is pissing away for an audience watching head of Nothing but have it. No, that is not no, no, no learning for the real John's return and step.

Let's get back. Let's get back on point. Make let's get back on points.

Let's go.

Yeah.

So the next guy who tries to talk smack about immigrants is going to have us to deal with exactly you.

You tell me to speak English, You speak English.

You do it.

While immigrants are taking the path the citizenship, you'll be crawling down the path.

To the emergency road.

Yes, the own.

You will only need one document. There a prescription for morphine. That's a pain, kill another.

So you come here next week.

You come here next week. We will take these chas, these cold steel chairs, and we will unfold them, unfold them, Yes we will, and we will sit down and we will discuss the complexities of immigration reform with you.

We will do this.

It's such it because immigrants built this country and helped weave it into the vibrant tapestry we call the American dreams.

So if you think you can bully the dreamers. We'll make your life a nightmare.

We will crush you with charts and graphs showing the net economic benefit of an inclusive policy that embraces the tired, the poor, baudo masses searching.

Suching to the.

Birth in a life.

So if you, Zeph have the gump to debates, will be here anytime you come.

Down here next week.

And you say it to my face.

I'm not gonna be here next week.

I'm producing a documentar ayund Santa Claus.

That actually sounds interesting, in which case you should come back in septemer But joke still in the host I'm taking up with hand up points. How about him said.

The load?

All right, everybody, that is our show here, it is your moment is in officials in India want to set the record straight.

Stuart.

Hey, Stuart, look, I've heard every single thing that you've been saying about me. I hope, my friend, that you are prepared for a world of hurt.

WWE superstar and poster boy for the authority seth rollins. How did you interrupt my moment?

Is that?

Oh?

Please please, Stuart. You know me better than that. I can do anything I want. I am all powerful.

Settle down, obi wan, you're not all powerful.

Mind your manners. You know, I've got a little wrestling in my.

Background as well.

I've all my friend.

I'll put you in a half nelson.

Maybe a little giggity gas, little giggity gab as the thing. Maybe a little flick black, a little flip black behind me. He's right behind me?

In me?

Is he right behind me?

Is he real?

Real tough talks?

Stuart?

Why don't you shut your mouth and bring it?

Pal Let me just say this, A little beard conditioner would go a.

Long way towards me.

And let me tell you this rollins.

I will bring it.

Although unfortunately I don't have it with me right now, so I will perhaps look for it and meet you somewhere at a later day like a gentleman.

Well you know what, Well, it's funny you would mentioned that because I actually came here to give you an invitation. Really, yes, how about you show up this Monday night, on Monday night raw at New York at the Prudentials.

Now you got the gut, Stewart, I have more.

Than the God Jesus. I think I just pulled.

Something when I turned on there, But I do have the guts and I, Oh, you're taller than I thought.

On that on the television, it.

Looks like he's all right. Well, seth rows everybody. We'll be back next week unless I get crushed on the.

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