TDS Time Machine | Vaccines

You're listening to Comedy Central. As you know, the H one N one, or swine flu season is upon us. How serious is the disease. Well, it's especially dangerous to children and pregnant women, and contracting it has been known to turn help the young men into old Jewish ladies. Our chief medical correspondent gotha virus during our recent trip to Afghanistan. Sante said it was the sickest he's ever been. You were quite sick as well. The cough was the worst cost I've ever had, and it like even hurt

Take a couple of steps without feeling really lightheaded.

And again those just profound chills. See I did not have a fever. I had explosive diarrhea. How about you tell me my underwear looked like the mudflaps on a swamp buggy Back to you Anderson. But of course, the main symptom, as always fear.

A strain of flu that nobody has ever seen before.

Health officials around the world are scrambling to contain the outbreak.

There are twenty confirmed cases in five different states.

Forty now confirmed.

A pandemic is imminent.

Fears grow of a global pandemic like the nineteen sixty eight outbreak that killed a million people.

Ah nineteen sixty eight, I remember that was the summer of back. But this time, just as the virus is about to metastasize a breakthrough.

The FDA today approved swine flu vaccine.

Worse hell Zeus, the Greek god of timely pharmaceutical research. Back to your homes, people, nothing to see here. The H one N one vaccine will finally become available.

Is it safe?

We finally contained the swine flu outbreak? But can we contain the doubt break? Questions about the vaccine? Should you get it?

Should you give it to your kids?

Is it safe?

Will the vaccine harm your kids or pregnant women?

They worry the vaccine was rushed and not adequately tested.

Many parents are concerned because the vaccine got to market so fast. Is it safe? Has it been tested? Do we really know what the government wants to inject in our bodies?

Oh?

And one other thing, will we have enough vaccine?

What are you doing us?

Is this a deadly poison? Is the vaccine a deadly poison? And are we running out of it?

Can it?

Does anyone develop a vaccine that inoculates against scaring. Perhaps no one embodies this fear mongering ethos better than doctor Glennathan Beck, MD.

Will you take your chances with the swine flu or the vaccine? Will you take the vaccine? Give it to your children? How much do you trust your government? I think that's the main question.

When wait, when did that become the main I always thought the main question was does the vaccine promote the growth of H one N one antibodies that could help ward off infection. I think the virus is more interested in killing you than the government is. But I guess I'm just one of those pasteurized milk drinkers, you know. I'm I'm sure the vaccine isn't perfect. Science certainly isn't perfect. But does everything have to be so spook? O'reiley? You've

So now we have this swinefle vaccine?

All right, so it comes to your town? Are you going to get the swinefles?

I've decided not to share it. If I'm going to get it or not?

Really, you talked about your ask surgery on YouTube, and now you're holding back on it. Now you've decided it's time to be a bit more discreet and laylight.

Come on back, because I'll come on beck.

I think this is important for everybody to make their own decision. This is injecting something into my body. And there's great arguments for and agains.

He's right on the fore side. It protects against the potentially fatal disease, was found safe and clinical trials, and can keep you from infecting those most vulnerable to the flu. Whereas on the against side, the governments have to get you, sciences have to get you. And oh look behind you, oll right back. We move on now to the subject of health, and believe it or not, if you've been seeing long lines of elderly people standing outside in the

Could not believe that somebody would actually steal a flu vaccine.

Really, you couldn't believe that. I guess really, that's the difference between New York and Colorado. I live in New York. I once saw a guy get his prosthetic legs stolen while he was walking. Noo ooh, tough town. The shortage arows. The shortage arose after one of the two companies that make the vaccine had to throw out its entire match due to bacterial contamination. Heinstein is, of course twenty twenty, but maybe we shouldn't have given the vaccine contract to

We've successfully worked through vaccine supply problems in the past, and we're doing so this time as well.

We need all of us to take a deep breath.

Don extail. Don't done extail. We don't have any vaccine. It's the extailing. Take a breath hold it. Vice President Dick Cheney offered his own unique diagnosis for the vaccine crisis or is he prefers to call it flu portunity campaigning in West Virginia, Cheney observed, quote, the problem we have run into producing vaccine is not a very profitable business.

I'm a mom of three children, and to have innocent, little twelve year old girls be forced to have a government injection through an an executive order is just flat out wrong. I'm offended for all the little girls and the parents that didn't have a choice.

That's what I'm offended for advantage backman, and she will give that advantage back in three two.

There's a woman who came up crying to me tonight after the debate. She said her daughter was given that vaccine. She told me her daughter suffered mental retardation as a result of that vaccine.

And now I am repeating that assertion unchecked. Assuming there is a body of evidence to back this up. I'm sure there is right For more on the vaccine controversy were joined by Daily Show senior women's issues correspondent Kristin Shaw.

Kristin thing you.

Want to go I to see what is What is your take on this whole vaccine issue is? What is the vaccine money?

Well, Frankly, I'm just excited people are talking about women's health, anything to distract us from the tably pull arising circumcision debate. By the way, I vote yes, not crazy about turtlenecks. You what do you think?

How does the vaccine work?

How does the well?

John?

When a man loves a woman very much, gives her a special close hug with this penis. It's called that's the street turn.

Let's give ahead to after the hugging the vaccine part.

That okay, when two people who love each other, you can get an FTD called the human pebloma virus in women. HPV has been proven to cause cervical cancer. Fortunately, now there's a vaccine called guardi cel that prevents HPV, which is good because one and two sexually active people will get HPV in their lifetime and I don't have it. So don't worry. John, I said it's sexually active.

You're scuder.

Minute's so true.

I was a little scared. You know. It seems ironic. Michelle Bachman came out against the vaccine for women, while Rick Perry the Man was sort of a standing for I guess women's health fighting HPV.

Well, it's not really that strange. In some ways, it's a regional issue. Minnesota doesn't have to worry about HPV as much because they wear so many layers. Finding genitals is next to impossible. Take it from someone who waddressed at to Saint Paul, Hooter's okay, but I'm willing to overlook Congresswoman Bachmann's regional bias because she's the last female candidate in this race. That's why I printed up six thousand Bachman from mich Cold dead vagina bubber tips.

Is that your truck? Because that you drive a truck with with truck nuts on them.

They're lady nuts and I happen to like them.

I'm saying, but isn't saying the HPV vaccine causes mental retardation. Experts are pretty well debunked it. That is, by all accounts, just flat out wrong.

It's not even something that has been suggested.

There's no evidence that the vaccine causes mental retardation.

What was the no, no, no, do not say his knee?

Oh now there goes the market for my Michelle Bachman. I've got an eye on your vagina condoms.

No, that's that's creepy. That's pretty creepy.

I'm not sure those are those.

They looked like they were facing the cameras. I'm not sure those are.

John. Now, I'm torn. On one hand, Governor Perry is taking care of Texas vagina's but he did it with a government mandate to force it on young girls. It's like he's trying to turn Texas into some kind of Kunani state. Michelle Bachman, on the other hand, is arguing for a woman's right to choose, but only if that choice is getting cancer. The truth is neither one is the strong pro badge candidate women are looking for, But you know who. I feel the worst for the children.

Because they'll be more likely to get cervical cancer.

Well that, but also because they'll never get to play with my Michelle Bachman big mouth, billy vagina, Take.

Me to the Queenic, Take me to the Queenic.

Did you just turn a big mouth billy bass and a singing vagina?

Yes, and I have ten thousand of them in my good CHRISTI bog Off at once is a nightmare.

Welcome back to the Daily Show. A big challenge of the COVID pandemic has been well a breathing and b convincing people to get vaccinated. But one place in America thinks it has found a solution. Daisi Lidik went to find out.

This last year has shown us that Americans don't trust any authority figures anymore, the government, scientists, doctors, even the English language. Maybe that's why we're ranked forty six and COVID vaccination rates. Nice job, Mauritius, But there is one group that can still convince us, social media influencers. At least that's what the Guildford County Health Department was betting on when they partnered with forty one local social media influencers to spread some fresh facts facts.

Our communities are more likely to follow guidance from people that they truly trust, so we decided to do an influencer marketing campaign.

But you're the expert, why aren't they listening to you?

Well, over to last year and a half, a lot of individuals became overnight public health experts, So I think that it also depends on personal ideology, on who's an expert in who's not.

Yeah, I get it. Sometimes it's better to watch the amateurs do the job rather than the pros. It's just more authentic and natural that way.

I don't think that we thought about it that way.

And as a self licensed juice therapist, I am all about avoiding public health experts. But why would influencers use their powers to fight COVID instead of their regular no makeup Mondays, throw back Thursdays and fro you.

Most of the time. I'm just talking about food. So it's like, you guys can check this pizza out if you guys want to. But now I felt like I actually had a role that was beyond myself, you know. So the caption of that one just says, Hey, I got my vaccines. You guys should probably get yours too.

Yeah, okay, but why are you wearing a shirt?

We just got to get this vaccine together because we're a team and that's the only way we're going to get back to normal.

Yes, that's it.

We've had a lot of cases where medical professionals have looked aside African Americans problems that they may come in with, and for a lot of people in my community, it's just all encompassing, no trust in that. But as an influencer, I can influence my audience to go through the steps of getting vaccinated.

I'm like the sock puppet.

I guess for those experts that they can speak to, that comes off a little bit less big brothery.

A sock puppet. That's a good idea, get the vaccine. The influencers were obviously buying the hashtag backs life themselves, and they've been spreading the word on their accounts, but is anyone hashtag listening to hashtag what they're hashtag saying?

On Instagram, I have nearly twenty thousand followers, about two thousand.

I have like one thousand, four hundred followers, basically just like a public account.

Yeah, I mean, if you're going to take advice from someone on the internet, are you more likely to take it from someone that you know? It's a community. It's not like I am Jesus and you are all my followers.

To be fair, Jesus had twelve followers, so I do have a little more than that more followers than Jesus. Easy there, John Lennon. But is all this nano influencing only micro effective?

We believe that those particular influencers connect on a more personal level with their community. Compared to some of the larger ones that can have hundreds of thousands of followers, they might not have that really.

Personal and intimate connection.

So you're using the least viral influencers to stop the virus. You can say that, Okay, so how effective is this program? Are we talking Pfizer level effective or are we talking like Johnson and Johnson? It's better than nothing.

So we think that the campaign has been incredibly successful. Within two days of that content being posted, we have also seen the increase in vaccination rates.

That's good news. Unfortunately, these micro influencers are up against heavy anti vax propaganda casting doubt on the vaccine.

How many of you guys are going to be among the first to inject this experimental vaccine that's been rushed into your arms?

And this anti vax content is more infectious than covid itself.

With a social media and other platforms, it's really easy to fall into this world of personal truths.

So maybe the most effective way to clean up the mess that social media has made is with more social media. Like a hair of the dog when you have a hangover and you drink more alcohol to make it feel better, or like when you're trying not to catch a virus and you treat your body with tiny amounts of the virus so you don't get it. What's what's that called vaccination?

Yes, that's it.

If the only thing to stop bad influence on social media was good influence, I wanted to give our influencers one more shot at going viral.

Okay, if you're tired of staying inside, I'm very tired what's up.

I'm sorry.

We want our people to just stay live. Now's the time to rule up your sleep schy. Now's the time to go get the vaccineaccine, vaccine, Get the vaccine vaccine.

It's okay, we'll workshop it. We'll get there.

Let's begin with the COVID pandemics. Yes, remember that next week will be four years since the day we started to take it seriously because Tom Hanks got it. Oh no, no, Tom, take chat instead. But everything's fine now. The CDC just issued new guidance saying that you don't even have to isolate if you get COVID anymore.

That's right.

You can go ahead and keep coffing into people's faces as long as you feel a little bad about it afterwards. It really feels like no one's trying to avoid COVID anymore, well, almost no one.

A German Man has puzzled scientists after he deliberately got more than two hundred COVID nineteen vaccinations two hundred and seventeen to be exact, over two and a half years. That's a shot every four days roughly.

Of course, scientists are wondering what the effect was on him. First of all, he didn't report any vaccine related side effects at all. Secondly, his immune response did show an increase in immune cells, but not necessarily a better or worse immune response. And finally, guys, he never got SARS kobe too, the virus that causes COVID SRY.

Two hundred and seventeen shots, an approach also known as the immune system bukake. If you laugh at that you are discussing, I mean, I mean, I know anti vaccines are stupid, but let's not overcorrect here, all right, I will say this. Though a lot of people did their own research, this man became his own research. That's that's commitment and also a nice change of pace to see Germans doing human experiments on themselves. And also, hey, I'm

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