TDS Time Machine | The Oscars

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The Oscars are just around the corner that magical night when America's finest actors seethed with rage while British people pretending to be Americans steal their awards. And if you're not excited about the Academy Awards, welcome to the club they suck. For years, the Oscars broadcast has drawn fewer people than the strip aerobics class. I teach its exercise

The producers of the Oscars are slimming down the broadcast in an effort to boost slumping ratings. Eight awards will now be presented off air, including the Oscars for Film Editing, Makeup and their Hairstyling, and Music Original Score. The ceremony for those categories will begin an hour before the telecast. The winners will then be sprinkled into.

The three hour broadcast.

The President of the Academy says the changes are necessary for the future success of the Oscars.

You can't cut out the men and women who work behind the scenes. Without them on stage, the oscars are just awards for Hollywood's greatest sex criminals. How sad is it that the Academy has decided that the reason people don't want to watch its awards show is that there are too many awards. Recognizing excellence through awards is the whole point. Without that, the oscars are totally meaningless. Also, with that, the oscars are totally meaningless, it's especially unfair

And the Motion Picture Academy is looking to get film fans involved. The Hollywood Reporter says this Here, folks on Twitter get to vote on their favorite movies of last year using the hashtag Oscars. Fan Favorite can be any title, so you're not limited just to this year's nominated pictures. The movie that gets the most fan votes will be recognized during the Oscar show.

What a great idea. Let's let Russian bots choose the Oscars. They did such a terrific job with our elections. There's already a vote for fan favorite. It's called buying a decad asshole. If the Oscars are so desperate for viewers, there are better ways to get eyeballs than cutting categories or polling Twitter. How about a halftime show. It works for the Super Bowl. Also, how about making the stars smash their heads together until they get brain damage. It

Thank you to the Academy that our heroes unite us now, the best among us, who inspire us to find the best in ourselves. You know, when they unite us, when we look to our heroes, we agree.

Yeah, we all agree. Your speech has gone on long enough. Save the rest for your diary.

Bridget Jones, Venus and Serena and Selena, Bob Dylan Scorsese, Tred Rogers, Harriet Tubman, Neil Armstrong, Sally Wright, Delores s Fertra.

Neil Armstrong speech was one sentence. You are disgrace to his legacy.

Thank you, Thank you all so very much.

As the hottest year in recorded history, our production needed to move to the southern tip of this planet just to be able to find snow. You've gotta be kidding me. The glaciers may be melting, but at least they move faster than this. For the last time, keep the speech shortened to the point.

We feel entitled. Chartificially inseminated a cow, and when she gives birth, we steal her baby, even though her cries of anguish are unmistakable. And then we take her milk that's intended for a calf, and we put it in our coffee and our cereal.

Oh, come on, not for nothing.

But if you had wrapped that up earlier, I wouldn't need it a midnight snack. That's not only a great idea, it's a great performance. Where's my Oscar?

Well?

Last night in Los Angeles, Academy voters finally answered one of Hollywood's age old.

Questions, You like movies?

Gladiators?

The answer sort of.

The action adventure epic Gladiator took home Best Picture honors at the seventy third Annual Academy Awards, but keep in mind the direction, screenplay, score, editing, cinematography, set direction, and Supporting Actor apparently could have been better. The evening saw no clear winner, as the major awards were split between a handful of films, primarily Traffic, Gladiator, the Chinese language martial Arts epic Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, and to a

I'd like to thank the Academy.

I also had to thank my mom and dad.

He also thanked the riverboat captain who apparently just dropped him off. As for Best Actress, it came as little surprised that Julia Roberts took home the trophy for her work in Aaron Brockovich. You know, interesting side note. The producers imposed a forty five second speech limit, but Ms Roberts took five minutes. She used it well, I love that up here.

Turn that clock off.

It's making me nervous.

My name starts with the art.

There's four minutes and forty more.

Seconds of that bonap Pettie. In keeping with the Daily shows ongoing commitment to this to the disabled, we'd like to present a translation of Robert's speech for the hearing impaired and just Francis.

And Marcus and Mike and everybody.

Me me me, me.

Me, me me me.

I learned that from children of a lesser God. Like any respectable news organization, we pour unlimited resources into our Oscar coverage. So we're going to take you out live to Los Angeles, where Chief Entertainment correspondent Nancy Walls is still at the shrine, standing by on the red carpet. So, Nancy, a big night last night. You had the best seat in the house, I imagine.

Oh, you better believe it's Stephen.

This red carpet featured a veritable who's who.

Of who interviews who.

As all the stars were asked questions by the best in the business.

If you're a fan of famous people who make their living asking questions of people who are even more famous, then this was ground zero.

Ha ha.

Jonah Melissa Rivers were here. Also on hand access Hollywood's Pat O'Brien when.

He mused if the crow would fly for Oscar, we had to go stand over a fan.

Mary Hart was here and who was that handsome man by her side?

Why it was her cameraman, Reginald Yes Stephen.

It was truly a night where the Hollywood that celebrates Hollywood celebrated itself.

Thank you, Nancy. That sounds great. This year's show had a decidedly international flavor, with Anglee's Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon taking home a cluster of awards. It's safe to say that the Oscar stage has never before seen such a multicultural parade of influences and a wonderful assortment of strange new tongues.

Whils old truth in.

The world had up to a big life.

And then there was Bob Dylan. Dylan's satellite performance Live from Australia came on the heels of performances by other international superstars, most notably Icelandic pop goddess Bork Gudman's dottyer acclaimed cellis Yo Yo oh my, and Philadelphia's seventy six er center Dikembe Mutombo. He wasn't actually there, I just like saying his name, further adding to the international flavor.

My gratitude to go to six beautiful women. They love me, They're gipping me off, my wife from Martin, my daughter, Veronica Rafaela, Francesca, Carolina Litredina.

Delarentis went way over his time limit because he kept interrupting himself by saying, let's take another look at my wife.

Can you believe I'm a banging that?

I mean a look at me.

My skin hangs are from my body. My skin hangs from my body like.

A warm dough.

I'm barely a human and I can take her any a time I want.

Ha.

Who is your gladiator?

Now?

Who?

Last night's ceremonies were watched by almost a billion people around the world. It's what makes the oscar special. Our own European correspondent, Steve Carrell watch the spectacle from war torn Macedonia where he is stationed.

We have him on the phone live, Steve.

Are you there, hello, Stephen?

What image will you keep with you from last night?

Well, there are so many, but I'd say one picture I'll never get out of my mind was that of the Macedonian tank columns rolling into Tetevo, devouring everything beneath their ravenous steel treads and reducing this once great civilization to a nightmarish healthscape of unspeakable anguish.

So I take it you didn't get a chance to watch the You.

Can't weren't a misser for the world when Julia Won I was crying. I mean I started crying because of an atrocity I saw perpetrated on a busload of refugees. But I saved a few tears for Julia. She and them.

Thank you, Steve.

You be careful over there.

I sure will do me a favor. Will you tell my wife that I love her? You know, just in case.

I'll get somebody on that.

Welcome back to the Bill Show. Are you guys as excited as I am about the awards season?

Yeah?

Yeah, I mean we just had the Golden Globes, the SAG Awards, and of course the Fake News Awards, which was the biggest fake news of all because it wasn't even awards. This was a shitty website Trump. I mean, you could have put a little bit of evidence to it. Some of us took out ads and got our head did But whatever, I'm not angry. But now is the granddaddy of them all the Oscars, and this year Granddad's got some new.

Moves in Hollywood this morning.

The Motion Picture Academy did spread the wealth around a number of diverse projects, and the movie with the most nominations was made by a man from Mexico.

With seven hundred and seventy four new Academy voters in the mix for twenty eighteen, said to be younger and more diverse in gender, ethnicity and geography than in years past. A more inclusive group of nominees across the board may be the result the aim of the Academy's membership initiative in the wake of twenty sixteen's Oscars So White protests.

That's right.

This year's Oscars are so diverse that they're renominating La La Land just so they can take the Oscar away from it again. Ha Here with his insider's look at the nominees is our own award season expert, Roy Wood Junior.

Everybody expert.

Indeed, what's up right, ay Man?

Look In the past it was hashtag Oscar so white, but this year it's hashtag oscar so sorry. People who were long overlooked are finally getting their due. Obviously. The big one is get Out, four top nominations. That's dope. Now, little known fact, Trevor, a lot of people don't know this get Out is based on a true story.

Why it is, Yeah, get out.

It's the true story of a prominent black neurosurgeon trapped inside the Trump administration. Now they changed some of the details, but tell me this ain't Ben Carson every day.

Well, well, I find that the African American experience for me has been for the most part, very good.

Damn right, never thought of the way down to the hat that's been Carson.

Someone should try and free Ben Carson with a flash photo.

That wouldn't work. His eyes always closed.

And now Roy the star of that movie, Daniel Klure, he picked up his first OSCAR nomination. How do you like his ards?

Oh?

He good? He good man. It's a British black dude playing an American black dude. That's like, how you sit at this desk and pretend to be Australian every night or whatever the hell act sent there this wait what? But also, man, don't count out Denzel and Roman j Israel. Denzel Washington plays Questlove, playing a lawyer. The layers of that performance, bro layers.

He's not playing Questlove, I.

Know, he becomes quest Love. Now. This is also a great time for black actresses. Octavia Spencer Octavia Spencer man became the first black woman to get nominated two years running. And then there's the Best Supporting Actress nominee, Miss Mary J.

Blige.

Yeah, that was that was amazing And I'll go ahead met that was a nice surprise.

Oh man, it wasn't that surprising. As soon as I saw mud Bound, I knew Mary j was getting a nomination. She ain't wearing no makeup anytime. Anytime a black woman in a film, don't put on no makeup. You know it's gonna be some serious acting. Got Oprah in the color purple, Monique and Precious and Medea and Alex Cross. I almost didn't recognize it.

Oh, man, Roy, you know the truth is, representation is so much better this year, Like Jordan Peele and Grita Gowick for Best Director. Mud Bound's Rachel Morrison is the first ever woman nominated for cinematographies.

Right man, everybody got recognized, man, Black people, women people, But you're forgetting the biggest breakthrough of them all fish people. Did you see Shape of Water Brook. They got a fish person, an actual fish person, not in the background role like they normally get. This fish person is the romantic lead, and he got to smash brought it never happens.

The fish got to smash.

Fish people never get to smash. That does sound like a oh oh.

Wait, lit you're right, you're right, little mermaid she got some pipe, but only after she turned into a human. Now I'm not blaming the Little Mermaid as an actress. Back then, it was a different time in Hollywood. Fish people had to take the rolls they could get. But this dude in shape of Water, Yo, he's openly fish and still gets the girl sucking aquaman?

Right?

Would you and everybody? The Oscar nominations were announced today and diversity was clearly on people's minds. Regina King was nominated for Best Supporting Actress, well deserved, and.

This is amazing to me.

Spike Lee got his first nomination for Best Director.

And it's crazy.

It's crazy that it took that long for him to be recognized after he spent years directing the Indiana Pacers to go fit themselves.

But this year, this year's difference.

I mean, it's gotten so black that two of the Best Picture nominees had the word black in them. Yeah, it's like Academy voters were like, Okay, we don't want another Oscar so white, black panther, black clansmen. You know, screw it, let's nominate black mirror too. Put black mirror in there.

It's a TV show. I don't care.

We're playing it safe. So here to talk about the rest of the nominations is someone who was in one of the year's biggest movies. Crazy rich Asians are very own, can't tag everybody, oky wud. It's always an exciting day when the Oscar nominations come out. It's an wide open field. Who do you think is going to take home Best Picture?

Trevor? Who gives a shit about Best Picture? All right? The story this year is all about the deserving nominees who are snubbed, Snubs, snubs and more snubs, especially in the only category that anyone actually cares about. Best Supporting Actor.

For performance by an actor in a supporting role Mahershela Ali in Green Book, Adam Driver in Black Clansmen, Sam Elliott in A Star is Born Richard E. Grandt and can You ever Forgive Me? And Sam Rockwell in Vice.

No. Wow, great job, Academy Solar group of nominees. But maybe you're snubbing someone someone like oh know me, Roy Shang. Supporting Actor and Crazy rich Asians available on iTunes and airplanes everywhere.

Wait, wait right, you genuinely think you've been snubbed.

I think I've been Yeah, of course I've been snubbed. I lost to a bunch of no name hacks, come on running.

There was a great actors in this category. Sam Elliott was amazing and a.

Star is born Sam Elliott. Listen, Trevor. Everyone in the business knows his mustache is doing all the acting. Okay. I could have gone a mustache like that, but I care too much about the craft to rely on cheap facial props like that.

Okay.

Also, my lip can't do that, Okay, Well, okay, well fine.

What about Adam Driver and Black Clansmen?

You mean Emo daff Vader, who brought whining to a galaxy far far away? Big deal? He played a Jewish guy pretending to be in the KKK. I playing a Chinese person from Hong Kong when I'm really a Chinese person from Malaysia. Okay, that's range plus. In the movie I had to play an asshole when in reality I'm more of a dick. Okay. And understanding that subtle difference is what separates the best supporting men from the best supporting boys. Okay. And what about maherschel Ali? Huh? He

He it's the veteran actor. He's a character actor. He's been in movies for decades.

Okay, shut up, Trevor, Lay you know what I should nominate you for lee Supportive Friend. Besides, this guy's movie only made eight million dollars. I know Instagram stories that made more money. All right, last and certainly the least Sam Rockwell invice again he already won last year? Or we're gonna do? Are we just gonna keep nominating him? Is this the Best Supporting Actor Award or the Best Sam Rockwell Award? Plus that's already another Sam nominated? Okay,

You you really seem angry about this man?

Oh yeah, well guess what, Trevor, I'm I'm actually not angry. That was that was all just acting oow o great yeah oh aw kid, I'm all right.

You actually had us going.

Yeah, thank you, and I hope the Academy will consider this episode for next year's Oscars.

Well, we're on TV, so it's not eligible for those Awards, God damn it, will the Slums Never?

And running Shag Everybody, We'll be right back. Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by searching.

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