TDS Time Machine | Tax Day

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Stow Happy April fifteenth. It's tax Day, or, as Wesley Snipes calls it, Huh what what was I supposed to? Oh? Oh, I have to make a call.

Of course.

It's a mad rush.

Everybody scrambling and get the returns done by the deadline.

It is a mess.

I have a solution, ladies and gentlemen. Everybody is always scrambling at the last minute on April fifteenth to get their taxes done. So let's make tax Day the sixteenth. That way, everybody can just relax. Problem solved unless I have fundamentally misunderstood human nature, and I don't think I have. But this year tax Day has some other kind of big surprises in store.

Tax Tea party day today so called tea parties or tea parties, tea party, tea parties.

Hundreds of tea parties.

Did you hear that, mister buff Oliver? A tea party.

I hope we're invited. I'll bring my signature cucumber sandwiches. The secret is I use rear cucumbers. It is that kind of tea party.

Right TA.

In this case, tea stands for tax enough already folks cross country organizing all these tea parties today to sort of some volid protests of high taxes and excess government spinning.

Oh, protesting high taxes, Good luck selling that one. I mean, if there's one thing I know about the American people, they love baseball, kicking ass, and paying taxes to the government and discreetly build hotel porn.

So.

Four things. This is like the Boston tea Party for people that decided, let's say, I don't know, two and a half months ago, that they didn't want to pay taxes anymore. The tea part is just a metaphor.

Look, this truck right here, as you can see, has one million tea bags. That's what a million bags of tea looks like.

Let me get this straight to protest wasteful spending. You bought a million tea bags? Are you protesting taxes or irony? But clearly the tea parties are a big story. Hundreds of tax protests all over the country, thousands of disgruntled people of non color taking to the streets, and it

Don't forget our big Tax Day tea party.

I will be in Atlanta April fifteen.

Foxnews dot Com Slash America's newsroom.

We have an entire section devote to the growing tea party movement.

It's a movement that is sweeping the nation.

It is a grassroots movement.

This is an organic, grassroots movement.

This is a nationwide phenomenon. It's free and open to the public.

Nobody I'm inviting everybody right now.

Is just get out and let your face be seen. Should I start begging for people to come, I.

Invite you to be a part of one of them.

Bring your kids, experience history.

Kids.

Don't get in that guys, man, don't do it.

So I may look to the untrained eye that a news organization is sponsoring a grassroots partisan tax revault. It would be a very narrow reading.

Fox is not sponsoring any of them, but we have been covering them.

I don't know if you understand what sponsorship means. You may not be paying for the honor. But when you put your network's initials in front of the words tea party, as in FNC Tax Day tea Parties, it implies, if not direct sponsorship, a certain amount of ownership. For instance, Toast deto'st Fiesta Bowl, or the Buick Invitational, or Larry Flint's Hustler Club. By the way, Great Neighbors one block

Well, it's true that the the reductions in capital gains and dividend taxes tend to favor those people who already have money to invest. You can see here how the money will be apportioned. If this pie chart represents the seventy billion in tax cuts, then the majority of that will go to people making over two hundred thousand dollars a year, or as the government refers to them, citizens, But most working Americans fall at the other end of

The way you explained the tax cuts, it really doesn't seem very fair.

Well, fairness isn't the point. They don't call economics the dismal science because it's fair.

Well, I suppose not.

No, no, they call it that after Sir Eustace Dismal, the eighteenth century English economists who proposed making smoke stacks out of children.

I actually I never know.

Yeah, it was a very interesting proposal, but ultimately flawed. I mean, if you make the smoke stacks out of children, who are you forced to clean them? It's referred to as Dismal's paradox.

John, what is the economic What is the economic justification for extending the tax cuts?

Well, the idea is that tax cuts stimulate the overall economy by encouraging investment at the top and creating thus jobs at every level of society, be they Butler's diamond tip cane polishers, or monocle Smith's.

It may be true in theory, but it does seem in recent years at the gap between rich and.

Poor, between the citizens and more lfe.

The gap between citizens and morlocks has widened under these programs.

Yes, if you define rich and poor in traditional ways, this administration wants Americans to understand that wealth is not the only measure of riches. Look at Dick Cheney. Financially, he's obscenely wealthy, but he's clearly unhappy. I wouldn't be surprised if he's visited by no less than three ghosts a night.

Who I know, I.

Know the you're saying that he could be visited by more than three ghosts, Well, you know, a ghost of Christmas pass present future, plu perfect, ghost of Christmas subjunctive.

Now, no, those are not ghosts. I believe those are tenses.

Whatever my point is. Rather than wasting time bemoaning these tax cuts, John Q used to be middle class and now eat salt and pepper sandwiches should rejoice. He'll never have the problems of say, a wealthy man who sits embittered and henpecked trapped in a deluxe apartment in the sky. Rather, the average American can now enjoy the far richer life, yet led by a carefree young man surrounded by a loving religious family, with lots of leisure time to pursue his painting.

Good times, John, for your examples, you've actually cited fictional characters, and in fact the people who play them are quite wealthy.

Not Jimmy JJ Walker.

I don't know. I don't think so, all right, John Hodgman, everybody, I'll be.

Right back off of this.

Wait a news story bou for the cracks.

Lewis Black catches it for a segment we call back in Black.

Whether you say our economies in a recession or a slowdown, or a war on money, one thing's for sure, the American people are literally losing the shirts off their back.

Just look at this.

Poor young orphan.

At least I.

At least I assume she's an orphan. What kind of parents would let that happen? Fortunately, the President is ready to bail us out with an economic stimulus package.

There's two aspects of that package. I want to spend some time talking about. One of them is is that you're gonna get some money.

Finally, a waste of the taxpayer's money I can get behind. But I'm sorry you said there were two aspects to the package.

Secondly, we wanted to make sure that people were encouraged to be consumers. Thirdly, it turns out that this money is going to be very helpful. And fourthly, and it's big enough.

Fourthly, Fourthly, who wouldn't trust an economic plan from that guy?

So how does it work? Well?

Right now, the IRS sending out rebate checks of six hundred dollars per person and twelve hundred dollars per couple. But that's not all.

If you got a kid, you can get up to three hundred dollars per child.

Three hundred dollars per child. I can get twice that on the black market. Naturally, the administration thinks the rebate is the best things in slice taxes. And I hope you're pleased that, rather than dreaming up some new programs, your government has decided to give you money.

Give you cash, you can decide how best to use it.

Finally, I get to use my tax money the way I want to I wonder who I can invade for six hundred dollars.

But how are.

John and Jane Q Public gonna spend their windfall?

I'll use it to pay bills. What I don't use to pay a bill? Or probably I just put in the bank and say.

You're gonna pay your bills. Maybe I believe you more if you weren't standing in a Best Buy unless your bank is inside one of those iPod docking stations. At least he wasn't standing in a fireworks and porn store. That's where I'd be. But there's also a dark side to the stimulus package.

Con Men are impersonating the IRS, pretending to give you your tax refund or one of those rebate checks mean to kickstart the economy.

The scam email short look legit, grabbing your attention with headers like IRS notification Please read this and to collect your money, all you have to do is just click here.

Maybe I can help, don't click there. At the end of the day, this stimulus plan is about Americans buying crap to save in his economy destroyed by America's love of buying crap. Will it work? Well, I've got six hundred lottery ticket that say, I don't.

Care John, who is a little about.

Now?

A week before Earth Day was, of course, Tax Day, April fifteenth. As the economy continues to ride a wave of instability, many are looking for new and innovative ways to cheat, I'm sorry, save on their taxes. Our own Ed Helms investigates one very interesting option.

For most Americans. Paying taxes costs money, but it doesn't have to. Quick reading of the US tax code will tell you need to hire an accounting firm. And what they'll tell you is what they've told thousands of American corporations. Taxes are for douchebags.

That's why smart companies have moved offshore where they don't have to pay taxes. You may be saying, but I live in America, Well that doesn't mean your money has.

To come on. There's no better place to turn to your income and offshore right here in the beautiful Cayman Islands. It's a tropical tax haven. Sheltering your money here couldn't be easier. After choosing which SBF to use, the next stuffest decision is which of the Caymans six hundred banks to go with? See if you can figure out why I chose this one. Well, helloo, how hard would it be for me to move my company offshore?

There are a lot of legality things that you do have to go through, right, of.

Course, there are laws.

There are no laws. There are legitimate laws. We have stringent legislation. People can't just bring their money here in suitcases anymore.

Right, But apparently that explanation isn't good enough for tax lovers like CPA John Lieberman.

According to the US Treasury, billions upon billions of dollars are lost by the use of these offshore tax havens by US corporations.

These corporations are just trying to maximize profits.

Well, there's a difference between maximizing profits and not paying taxes.

God, that's good.

Excuse her, No, I mean what you just said was really good.

At the end of the day, all they're doing is moving paper around.

It's legal.

No, it's not legal. The registration and the incorporation.

Did you get me a receipt for that, Pina Colada?

No, sorry, what the registration and the reen corporation is, but the actual interpretation. Most people do not follow the real regulations.

The regulations in the came rounds of financial regulations are very stringent.

Gee, who should I listen to?

That's better?

Oh yeah, there we go a little more.

Yeah, you just can't drop money in for no reason without us asking lots of questions. We have to do our due diligence on you.

You can do your due diligence on me anytime. But how do over thirty thousand corporations manage to squeeze onto such a small island. One visit to Tycho's headquarters showed us the answer is smart use of space.

Mister Charon, Hello, mister Charon, Thank you. A few questions?

Is this a value pop? Despite all the advantages of setting up shop here, some people just don't get it. What's the BfV If a corporation wants to put its headquarters in the Cayman Island?

What I really believe is that if you're going to do this, then you can end up in Hawaii and just being just as nice location.

Why why is for losers who like taking it up the irs?

I've oh God, as I said, by not having the corporation.

Say that again, you cut out John, they are not John get a really bad reception.

Could you speak up please?

I can't hear you.

I can hear you now, can you hear me?

Yes?

Damn Maxim, that's some kind of loud homing guys.

I can't.

I just can't near you in I'm sorry, buddy, you're breaking out. They're breaking out.

Of course, life in the Caymans isn't all business.

At about seven o'clock, the shoes are off, the jackets off, and we know how to have fun.

That's a relief, because if I had to do any more banking, I'd have to put my balls on ice.

At helms Well, we're all about.

From one.

On the proposed tax cuts, we turned to a man who's watched Wolf of Wall Street three times, Michael Costa.

Everybody, bonjour, trev that's rich for hello, okay A Costa.

Hopefully you can explain. Trump already gave wealthy people a huge text cut lost here, why give them another one?

Cool it with the.

Class warfare, Cassio Cortez. Okay, it just so happens that anyone can take advantage of these tax cuts. For example, let's say you made a cool mill last year off a ten million dollar hedge fund investment. Now you can reindex that baseline two percent to account for inflation, which means you just got an extra thirty k I mean that'll cover my penis reduction surgery?

Am I right?

Trevor.

I could even loan you a couple of inches.

I'm just kidding.

I know you got a hog.

Custom.

Most people don't have ten million dollars. We're talking about the middle.

Class middle class.

That's fine.

Let's say you're a middle class yacht owner like thirty five feet Max. Couldn't land a helicopter on that thing. You can just use these cuts as a tax shelter. Borrow five hundred thousand to invest in your buddy dinos revenge porn business. Then you can deduct that interest and only pay tax on the inflation adjusted gains.

Trevor, I say chat, You say chin chow chop.

Do you want to say chap costa?

I feel like there's no way you actually understand what you just said.

Of course I don't, Trevor.

That's why I have a broker. He'll clear this up.

Hey, Chandler, what's up, you bitch? Yeah, I'm trying to I'm trying to explain moneys to my boss. How does this tax thing work?

Again? What?

Right?

Now?

You are right? Go go, I'll see it, Polo. I got his voicemail.

Costa, why do you have a broker man? I know for a fact that you're.

Not rich, not yet?

But Donald Trump promised Americans that we're all gonna be rich, and he's never lied before. So call me poor, Trevor.

Don't call me poor Trevor, call.

Me pre rich.

So okay, wait, wait then how much is your net worth right now?

How much is an iPhone worth?

About nine hundred dollars?

Well, then I'm worth nine hundred dollars, baby, Michael.

Cost everyone w.

If you hate paying taxes, first of all, congratulations on being basic and also congratulations on being a billionaire.

A bombshell report by Pro Publica reveals just how little the wealthiest Americans have been paying in taxes. ProPublica obtained more than fifteen years of never before seen irs information about the twenty five richest Americans and found that sometimes they paid little or no federal income taxes.

In twenty eighteen, for example, pro Publica found Elon Musk paid no federal income tax. Neither did Jeff Bezos in two thousand and seven or twenty eleven, the same year he claimed a four thousand dollars Chrild tax credit, and renowned investor Warren Buffett avoided the most tax of any of the billionaire's Pro publica looked at, according to the report.

As shocking as it is. Nothing that they did is illegal. Everything that they did is in keeping with their tax code. And the basic reason is we tax income not well.

Rich people often grow their fortunes through stocks, real estate, or companies, so they don't have to pay taxes until they sell, and they can offset their income in other ways too, meaning it's legal to be worth a lot and pay a little.

Oh wait, it's good to be a billionaire. I mean, imagine being so rich that you can afford accountants who make you look poor. Think about it. Jeff Bezos is so good at hiding his wealth that he qualified for a child tax credit. This dude built his own rocket to take him to space, and the US government is like, hey, brother, here's something for the kids until you can get back on your feet. Hard times Jeff, And.

Yeah, this is something that everyone already suspected, but it's still shocking to see proof right in front of you.

It's the difference between knowing.

How hot dogs are made and watching them put the puppies in the machines. Oh that's crazy, Well then what was I eating? And the thing is much like wearing cargo shorts to the Pride Parade. These tax loopholes are both messed up and completely legal. So if you want to change the system, then you need to take action

I love America.

It's the only country where you can get a burger and a life or suction at the same drive through. But as someone who's also lived all around the world, I feel a responsibility to let America know that a lot of the things it does are super weird to the rest of us. And one of those things is how America does money. It's tax season, which right off the bat is a signed that something is wrong. Okay,

Yeah, they do the.

Math, they send you a statement, and if it looks good, you click okay, and then you're done.

It's so easy a baby could do it.

But they don't have to because they're lazy freeloaders who don't pay taxes.

It's not just your income taxes. All taxes in America are weird.

In a lot of other countries, you see a price on something and that's how much it costs, because that's the whole point of a goddamn price.

But no, not in America.

When you pay for something in America, they hit you with the surprise sales tax. They're basically cap fishing you. I know that six hundred dollar TV looks good, but it's lying. It's six fifty and it has a secret family. But don't get me wrong. Taxes are filed from America's only insane money issue. Okay, I know you guys are used to it, but I need you to realize that the way you tip in this country is not normal

And don't even get me started on tip jaws.

Okay, you don't have to put money in, but if you do, you gotta make a big show of it. I like to shoot my cash into the job like a basketball or shouting. He tips, he scores. If you bank it off the cashier, they usually notice. But as weird as taxes and tipping are in America, let's not forget about the actual money itself, because American physical currency sucks. I don't know if you know this, but in other countries, every denomination is a different size because it makes it

Oh, listen, so much easier robbing a bank in.

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