TDS Time Machine | Oh, Canada...

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Yew. Last night's huge news coming out of Canada.

Drake has released a video for his hit song hotline Blink.

Who's to call Me all Myself?

Day Night?

When you need Mine?

What the hell, Drake? What the actual hell were you doing there? What is it one of those dance moves like you just you're holding every single mixed race person back. Do you know how hard we've worked to be called black and then you do this to us?

Drake?

You're gonna get how black status revoked dancing?

What are those moves?

What is he doing?

I hope this was a joke. So last night was big, big news for fans of Canadian rappers, but it also had a little something for fans of obscure Canadian trivia. A national election took place. Now, for most Americans, Canadian elections are sort of like hockey.

It's clearly an.

Intense contest, but nobody knows who's playing or what the rules are. So let's make this condescendingly easy, sort of like when they used that puck, the glowing puck in the NHL where they try to trick us into watching its. Yeah, that's what we're gonna do the Canadian elections, Who won and what was the score?

The Liberals winning in a landslide.

Justin Trudeau will be the next prime minister.

Justin Trudeau head of the Liberal Party, similar to the Democrats. He's the son of one of Canada's most famous prime minister's, Pierre Trudeau. Justin plans to raise taxes and run a seven billion dollar deficit to kickstart the recession bound economy. And he says, help the middle class ow.

A seven billion dollar deficit. Wah, that's so adorable. America would probably drop seven billion dollars on a clock that calculates their deficits, which is four hundred and thirty nine billion dollars. Take that, you, fiscally sound minded moose bangers. Of course, Trudeau's partes weren't necessarily his most attractive feature. He is forty three years old.

He's a very good looking young man.

He's undeniably a good looking guy.

He's a very handsome man.

He is very very good looking.

I think in America he might just win the election on his looks alone.

Yes, his looks alone could win him the US election, because looks are everything in US politics. If you want to even be considered for presidents, you have to be smoking hots. Trudeau's Liberal Party defeated Conservative incumbent Stephen Harper, whose campaign was plagued by brutal Canadian style criticism.

Satirical song.

It's gone viral on social media.

It's called harper Man and it does sum up the desire for a change in government.

Who's the king of secrecy?

Who has slashed the CDC?

There is no coming back from that.

President Trump has made this one of the hottest times to be a refugee in America. So where do these people without a country turn? Well, Daisi Lidik reports, I'm.

Here on the border where people are sneaking across, desperate to escape a country where they don't even feel safe anymore. But what if I told you that country was America?

Right? This part's America, that's right.

Last year, over twenty thousand people illegally snuck out of America and into Canada. It started when Trump began revoking temporary protected status for hundreds of thousands of immigrants. The Trump administration has so far announced it would also end this temporary status for migrants from Honduras, Nicaragua, and Haiti. All of this not to mention Trump's feelings about immigrants in general. Are they iss?

Is this a trojan horse?

Has prompted a new wave of refugees seeking asylum in Canada, where they're a king in the North. Prime Minister John.

Snow is all like you're safe at home now.

Nine of asylum seekers are crossing along a small section of the border about twenty five miles north of the town of Plattsburgh. So I headed there to meet a local coyote.

My contact told me to meet him here. I gave him the code name she Wolf Blitzer. Are you Daisy, Daisy? Yeah.

Once we got our bad Tinder date out of the way, I learned that Bill is a cab driver here in Plattsburgh, and it's the cab drivers who ferry the refugees to the border. It's gotten so busy that even party shuttles have converted into migrant caravans, taking all these people right up to the border of Canada. You know, if Mayonnaise was a country, what the hell? America is the country where people sneak into right.

Yes, because we had the American dreamas we're the American dream.

And look at all this food, this Star's one person.

Well, the American dream is still there, but you get doued by the process of the way it's supposed to be done.

And now you go for the US and for the Canada.

If I want somebody to come into my house, I want them to come through the front door, not.

Through the back door. That's what I keep telling my husband. Yeah, well there you go. Except a birthday, except his birthday.

Yeah, in Christmas, in Flag Day.

I'll never forget Flag Day. What were we talking about? The right? You want them to go through the front door.

Yeah, but these people can't go through the front door because of a quirk and Canadian law. If you cross at any official border crossing, your asylum claim will be rejected faster than a dick pic on LinkedIn. That's why asylum seekers are crossing the US Canada border and an illegal entry point on a dead end road where Bill and I were headed. Wow, this really is like a bad tender day.

We are turning onto the rock Dam road right here. I mean, look at how beautiful this is. Why would anyone want to leave this? Okay, not exactly. This stretch of America right.

At the end of this road is where they cross.

Is that Toronto up there?

No, it's not Toronto.

That's the Canadian space.

Before Trump, this was wilderness. But due to the flood of immigrants at this illegal entry point, the Canadians have built up a permanent presence, which includes the world's largest birdhouse. Between seventy to eighty asylum seekers arrived every day ready to cross with everything they can carry. On the other side, the Canadian police are standing their ground.

This is not illegal board of entry to Canada. You want to enter Canada, I have to condi Costa.

But then, like typical Canadians, they let them in anyway. I spoke with Armstrong, an asylum seeker fleeing Northeast Nigeria, where terrorist groups like Boko Haram are active well.

In most East Langera.

It's terrible right now, it's too much.

For us to be and from Mendota espression.

I want to talk to grow feel sif not to physic persecution, subs, freecy Banda.

But Armstrong was already in America. Why not claim refugee status here?

America is a witch culture.

But what we do it is that right now we need a better life for ourselves.

A better life. I remember when people used to say that about us.

And you're hoping for better things than Canada.

Yeah, pandas what should.

Be to opportunity. We used to be the land of that, that's our brand, city on a hill, land of the free? Is Canada taking our place? As I watched Armstrong walk away, I thought about all we had been through these past fifteen seconds, and I realized he wasn't just going to Canada. He was breaking up with America. Well we've just been dumped. Well, there's one thing I know, it's how to handle being dumped.

You know what, Yeah, it's not working out. I decided first before you decided. Hey what I was taken to him.

I spent all day trying to convince people to stay.

Any chance we can have a.

Do over, Oprah, we're president, We're all these people really choosing America's boring cousin.

I don't think they're coming back.

Maybe we should be reflecting or trying to grow from this, or we can just handle it like any breakup. Seriously, Canada, with Moehler's closing in, we're gonna change.

I hope you're happy together.

Only one person could pick me back up, which is because Canada is younger than us.

We're still America. We still got it going on. We had the bomb.

Don't say things like that, Bill makes it seem like we don't have it going on.

Three weeks ago, north of the border, a new kind of test emerged.

The truck or convoy has arrived in Autawa.

This city, in the downtown core remains gridlocked.

Some residents here say that they really can take no more.

So.

I traveled to Ottawa expecting to find some Canada nice but their messaging was a bit more. Course. These trucks shut down businesses and made roads impassable.

Can I go?

Can I go around here? How do I? How do I get around?

But?

How long were the protesters planning to paralyze Canada's eighth best city? David?

How long you been here?

I've been here to day one, holding down the ford pretty much.

I'm not going anywhere.

I'm coming in from New York.

I go by Brooklyn's kindness on the same baby, you go, You're able to stay here up to two years. You're committed to be being here for two years? Yeah, because two years is nothing? Are you going to keep up the energy to be here for two years? People bring stimulants.

The people bring it.

I spoke a lot of weed.

Yeah okay, right, yeah, but that's just to calm me down and keep me, keep me centered.

Are you wordy it all with weed? Paranoia? That might creep it?

No?

No, no, do you think the government is coming for you?

Oh?

Yeah?

Costantly there are do you like night a little tactics?

They try to they move around.

They move in, they add more. Are you paranoid?

No? Sure?

What kind of stuff do you haul?

I haul everything in twenty twenty, I hauled from food to building supplies to medical supply.

You have my end table that I ordered from Wayfair like three weeks ago.

Is probably a city either in Montreal or Toronto or get order it's it would really like grain in my apartment.

So what exactly was the point of interrupting the supply chain? So what is this all about?

You know what?

Sorry?

What is this all about?

This is about our freedoms?

Could you be any more generic?

You know, if you are vaccinated, you get to do certain things. If you're not vaccinated, you don't. I don't think people should be divided. We should all be together united.

We're setting up essentially a truck barrier to keep everybody together so they can be united.

Yes, gotcha, Yeah, we might as.

Well lock them in.

It's certainly like a parent who locks the door and says, you guys are in here until the water runs out. You become friends or democracy crumpas.

Yes, And if you're not vaccinated, you're literally a second class citizen in this country. I can't go to the restaurant, I can't go play hockey, I can't go watch the Ottawa Senators.

We don't live in Germany.

We don't live in Nazi Germany.

Year, those days are overshow me, your papers don't happen anymore.

That's a freedom that every should have.

Is the Germany comparison a stretch here in Canada? No, are you afraid of cultural appropriation? Probably American cultural appropriation because we use the German excuse all the time. Oddly enough, that wasn't the only thing Canadians were appropriating.

Yeah, I hate to use that slogan, but I don't make North America grade again.

Then make North America great again. And I don't mean to use that guy's word, but it's true. To be honest, it wasn't even his. He's still from another guy before him. I see the Q army on your head. Isn't que American thing? Trying to find JFK.

Junior? Exactly?

Yes, exactly what Q shit is going down here? You No Q is a usc Oh so this isn't like a Yankees hat.

I got it?

Okay. The Q thing might just be a fashion choice. But they're definitely reading the same Internet as many Americans.

And it's more than just the fat past part the stuff.

What else?

The agenda twenty thirty is a good start.

What's agenda twenty thirty?

I try the world's hand. George on government. They want to sterilize us and only certain people can have kids.

Really, you're afraid the government will sterilize you?

Probably not me, but on the line.

Yeah, but in two weeks of the cab of a truck pissing in a mountain, duke can can't be too good for the spur production.

Probably stare petty. So what's today for?

So Margaret Atwood? Audio books are apparently a thing with Canadian truckers, and while shutting down a city seems to have many downsides. Hey here's me. Hey, hi, Yeah, and you've seen a prius around here? Some see an opportunity coming from literal gridlock.

The truckers are bringing in customers.

They're bringing in tourists from Montreal, from all across Canada.

Everybody wants to check this out.

This is essentially a tourist boom right now. You can feel the tourism in the air, right You can smell and it smells like amphetamines and uh drift or blood. The flood of eighteen wheeler driving tourists and their Canadian af outfits created legitimate tension with residents of the city.

Don't want you hear.

The downtown was shut and there was palpable anger directed at local media.

If you can't us lies, they're still lying, guys, they're still lying.

And even at the Daily Show, he wants this tyranny get a boot over here. We've been walking around here.

Uh.

There seems to be a real distrust of media here. Well, for sure, there's a lot of cameras up in your face, cameras on cameras. And while Canadian authorities have finally enacted emergency measures to try to clear the convoy, so far the trucks are still there and a well funded, never ending street party infused with misinformation and nationalism feels remarkably possible in our own land of the free. Where does this movement go from here?

I believe it's going to be worldwide.

It's going to come to America.

Yes, definitely.

This is inspiring the dickheads of America. Part of me, this is inspiring the dickheads of America.

It's inspiring people people of America to join together to stand for freedom.

Okay, if they do come to America, then maybe I'll finally get my feed end table.

For normal G seven, Trump's Russia obsession would have been more then enough drama, But for President Trump, he was just getting started.

President Trump stuns the world, pulling out of the G seven's official agreement and issuing a warning to allies. We're like the piggybank that everybody's robbing.

This unprecedented friction with some of America's closest allies. The President his top aides are launching this all out assault against Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau.

The President, en route to Singapore, accused Justin Trudeau of false statements and called him very dishonest and weak.

So Trump went into the G seven for a run of the mill check in with America's allies and then came out full on beefing with Canada, the ned Flanders of countries. It's safe to say that no one expected this to go this way. It's like going into the doctor for a routine checkup and then coming out as a human centipede. I don't think this is covered.

I don't think it is.

And other G seven leaders were shocked by Trump's actions. Emmanuel Lacron called Trump incoherent, and Angela Merkel said that trump pulling out of the deal was sobering and depressing, although to be fair, she is German, so everything is sobering and depressing to her. Yeah, she was probably at breakfast today, like I find this pancake man both sobering and depressing. Now, the reason President Trump went all push at TEA on Trudeau is because he claims that Trudeau

On the President's advisor's fiercely attacking Trudeau on the Sunday shows.

He holds a press conference and he said the US is insulting. He really kind of stabs in the back.

There's a special place in the hell for any foreign leader that engages in bad faith diplomacy with President Donald J. Trump and then tries to stab him in the back on the way out the door.

Wow, there's a special place in hell for any foreign leader that engages in bad faith diplomacy with.

President Donald J.

Trump.

That is a serious threat and a very specific place in hell that sounds VIP as shit. Yeah, this is like one person. All the thoughts in hell are gonna be like, damn, who's that doding in VIP. But still, the question is why on earth would Trump react in such an extreme way to a trade dispute with such a close and unthreatening ally. Well, according to Trump's economic advisor, this is all part of a greater plan.

Potus is not gonna let Aadian prime minister push him around, push him Potus around, President Trump.

That's on the eve of this.

He is not going to permit any show of weakness on the trip to negotiate with North Korea, nor should he. So this was about North Korea, of course it was in large part.

Of course it was in large part. Why was he doing that? Like it just watched the Tyler Perry movie. Our president will not get pushed around.

He will not so in essence to win his Nobel Peace Prize with North Korea, Trump is going to start a war with Canada and really is brilliant and the man is playing some two dimensional chess. Let's kick things off with Justin Trudeau, Canada's Prime minister and America's sexy upstairs neighbor. As Canada continues its battle against coronavirus, Trudeau has decided to become a little more hands on.

Kids might be struggling a little bit with homework, but if they need little help, there's somebody who's ready to step in.

Hey, kids, I know we're all going through a difficult time right now, and it's not made any easier by the fact that you have to do your homework around the kitchen table. Well, as a teacher, I want to help. If you've encountered challenges or problems that are really tough and you need a little extra help with why don't you reach out by responding to this message or using the hashtag.

Okay, this is just adorable. Justin Trudeau is going to help Canadian kids with their homework. This is the sort of thing you can only get away with if you're Prime minister, because any other dude offering kids help on the internet, Yeah, this is getting a visit from the cops. And I really hope that he sticks to regular subjects like math and science, because the last thing we need is Trudeau branching out into makeup tutorials. But seriously, though

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