TDS Time Machine | Jon Stewart on Immigration Over the Years

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Since October fifty two thousand unaccompanied children have been picked up trying to cross into the US.

What's driving these people north is crippling poverty and out of control of violence and places like Honduda's s, Guatemala and Al Salvador.

Wow, there are kids in trouble. You know what.

I was always taught by my parents to follow the Golden rule. Whenever you see a kid in trouble, yell at them in a language they don't understand. Harder Again, Obama likes him so much understand.

The White House.

That is an interesting suggestion, although a grown man inviting thousands of kids to his house gives off a little bit of.

A Neverland ranch vibe.

All right, So look, it's not like these countries developed problems overnight. Why these sudden ki explosion?

Republicans point to the President's twenty twelve order that protects some children from deportation, but that applies only to those into the United States before two thousand and seven.

If I have told kids fleeing violence and poverty.

Once, I've told them a thousand times.

Immigrant minors seeking asylum posts two thousand and seven must apply at their consulate with Form and four hundred at a biometrics fee, then appear for a series of processing interviews to ascertain priority determination unless they have family living in the United States, in which case they filed Form.

I won thirty and then you file.

Form DS two sixty under your NBC case number, unless, of course, you have skills attractive to an employer.

Well do you do you child fleeing violence and poverty?

Because if you do, you're gonna want to go with Form I one.

I mean, it's not that difficult child.

Now you may be wondering, if they didn't fill out the forms, can't we just deport these kids? Well, first of all, what the fuck is wrong with you?

These are children? Why you even ask that?

And second of all, good question, why can't we just support them? A two thousand and eight law signed by President George W. Bush says children from countries not border in the US cannot be immediately deported. Stupid liberals. That's why we need a Republican in the White House. And oh well, since we apparently have a process in place, why all the hullaballoo. They can appear in court and make the case for staying.

Tens of thousands of undocumented and often unaccompanied children are overwhelming federal facilities.

Well, of course, the agents of the Border Patrol are doing what they can to help these kids.

I've watched them do everything from change diapers to heat formula. Many of these are single young men who are not particularly good at that, but they're really getting better.

It's all going to be.

It's all going to be documented in the new hit movie Three Men and fifty Thousand Babies.

Steve one of them is that Gutenberg's back baby.

So we got ourselves a genuine humanitarian crisis, unless someone would like to label it differently.

World English Dictionary defines invasion it's any encroachment or intrusion or advent of something harmful, as in a disease.

Ah Representatively, we go out.

He's like Old Faithful if instead of hot water it regularly shot out stupid.

From the Constitution, under Article one, Section eight, it says that Congress has the authority to call for the military during times of invasion.

You want the Marines on this one, you want tip of the spear, all right. Now.

I'm not a military expert.

Obviously, but generally an enemy invasion force is not particularly dangerous until it can reach and open its own cereal.

Now, from what I know, even.

Even Hitler wasn't always an imminent threat.

I say, there's someone who works here. I know.

I'm just I'm waiting for the day when that kid twenty years from now just hunts me down, comes to my door and goes, yeah, it's real funny. Yeah, that's real, real funny.

Anyway, So.

Humanitarian crisis response system overwhelmed.

Where where have we seen this before?

This?

Anybody? Anybody?

Oh?

You with a fellow lonestar, Republican Congressman Blake farhenholds.

Up, this is President Obama's Katrina. Wow.

I believe in this case it's pronounced.

I got that.

Although, to be fair, when it comes to glaring gaps in what are supposed to be secure barriers, I think Farrenholm.

Knows what he's talking about. In fact, oh my god, hang on, the crisis is so bad.

They're everywhere.

They're no dun day dun dae ista. All right.

You know I wouldn't be so quick to blame for this flood of immigrants. I mean, maybe they got the idea that America was a great place to come from some other people.

We live in the greatest country in the world.

The greatest nation history of mankind.

The strongest, freest, greatest country, the greatest health care.

The greatest universities, the greatest schools.

The greatest rise of freedom and opportunity.

Greater than Solomon's Israel.

The single greatest nation in the history of all mankind.

The greatest country ever.

I don't know about you, but I really feel like you're in an apple pie right now.

Why would you not, Why would you not come to a place that great.

In fact, it's why all of our ancestors came to this country and were themselves originally unwelcome. Because that's the story of America, from Ben Franklin's worries that Germans were ruining Pennsylvania to our nineteenth century sixty year ban and the Chinese immigrants who had just finished building our rail system. Two our very real and justifiable concerns about the Irish, and they're insatiable applying for jobs. We have always been

What is this draconian new immigration law?

Do exactly increase border patrols, taller fences, piranha mote.

Oh no, it makes it a state crime to be in the US illegally legal immigrants must carry paperwork proving their status.

You know that's tough.

It's not unprecedented having to carry on your papers. It's the same thing that free black people had to do in eighteen sixty three.

Lord knows that didn't leave any residual anger. What's the fuss.

Police are required to check anyone they have a reasonable suspicion is illegal, and people can sue local governments if they think immigration law is not being enforced.

You can sue the police for not enforcing harshly enough help police neutrality.

How much of a reach is this bill?

Well, let's hear what Tom tan Credo has to say about it. He's the guy who called Miami a third world country and said the Minutemen border patrol aren't vigilantes, they're heroes.

I do not want the police here there, Arizona, anyplace else pulling people over because you look like you should be pulled over.

Holy he thinks you've gone too far Arizona.

Tom Tancredo.

Man Mexican parents tell their kids about to get them to eat their vegetables.

He thinks you've gone to bar. It's it's he does. It'd be like Ted Nugent, be like Ted.

Nugent pleading with you to just put down the guns and talk this thing out. But one of the bill's sponsors, State Senator Russell Pierce explains how laughable, laughable.

Charges of racial profiling are.

The charge by the opponents to this measure is that it will encourage, indeed almost mandate, racial profiling.

You know, I might have two children, two grandchildren that are Hispanic.

And I'm going to miss them. From more on Arizona's immigration controversy, we're going to why It's an Act live from Phoenix.

Whyat how in any way do you.

Enforce this bill without racial pro filing or violating evil protection or search and seizure laws in the constitution.

It's easy, John. The law is very clear. You only check people who are reasonably suspicious.

Right, But if you don't catch them coming across the border, what would they be doing that would be suspicious? As immigrants? Are they looking for people doing this.

Of course not. That's ridiculous. They're looking for illegals. They're looking for people acting suspiciously, like gardening or burping white people's baby.

But why those are not? Those are not?

Those are not illegal activities in and of themselves, assuming you have the white parents' permission.

Look, it's like obscenity. It's hard to describe it, but you know it when you see it. I'm sorry, what's that? You mean my driver's license? All right, look what's john? Let me give you an example. All right, this guy right here walking down the street looks fine?

Right, I guess he looks fine. He is.

But what about this guy?

Fine?

No, he's not. He's reasonably suspiciously illegal. All right, let's try it again. This guy whoa No?

That yes, that's that's Jeffrey Dummer. He's a cannibal and a killer. He is obviously suspicious.

You have to arrest him.

No, this isn't Hitler's Germany. You can't just pull people off the street from being hungry. What about this guy?

No?

Hello, I mean maybe i'd stop that last guy to get his.

Autograph, But you collect autographs of illegal immigrants.

No, that's not. That's punch from chips.

I don't know what those two works with a.

TV show, with a TV show in the seventies.

Oh, because you're a baby boom. You're too nostalgic to apply the law to suspicious legal immigrants.

No, Eric Strata, I think was born in New York.

Wait, what's that? You need my birth certificate?

Two? All right?

Give me just give me a second. What's going on, John, I'm gonna give you one more final chance?

All right?

What do you do? What do you do?

TikTok?

Man, TikTok, tik tok, TikTok.

You arrest her, just her? You arrest the monkey too?

Oh? Why because he's gay you discussed?

Maybe?

No, huh, No, we have loss to protect people, John, We have loss to protect people and flamboyantly gay monkeys, all right, and it's because of people like you that what's all right? I'm getting it.

Man.

Just hold on a second, dude, Why why do you have to show your birth certificate?

An ID?

It's cool, John, that's stopped me too. I could be Dominican or something. Why, it's totally fun.

Part of the law says, as a citizen of the United States, within your right to refuse to show identification. Anyone can tell Arizona law enforcement, Hey, I'm a citizen, and the police have to take you at their word. It's a loophole so big you could drive a truck full of Oh, I don't know, day laborers throw it.

Sure, John, they'd never figure that one out in Arizona. Here's Sheriff Joe Arpyo.

We either arrest them pursuing to our law enforcement on other types of crimes.

You hear that they'll find something else to arrest me on? Ah, No, I'm not doing time over a busted tailight on my newsband? No, right, my birth certificate?

It is right? What who's gonna finish?

Who's gonna who's gonna.

Let's go, right, John, let me take it from here.

I guess I'm just one more illegal immigrant doing a job an American doesn't want to do.

You're you're not legal in this country? No, not by a long shot. Have they stopped you and asked you for ID? Oh? Come on with these eyes, I get into movies for free with these baby blues. Why do you have an assault rifle? I don't know.

They said I could carry one, so well, the hell wouldn't I?

All right, see you later, Jason Adios.

I'm kidding, kidding, I'm just kidding. I don't know what that means. Remember when the fourteenth Amendment? Remember when the fourteenth Amendment, you know, the one that guarantees equal protection under law as well as citizenship for any person born in the United States.

Remember when that was passed and how heated the issue became. I remember this one episode of actual crossfire. In eighteen sixty six, Senator Edward Cowan R. Pennsylvania argued that if the amendment.

Passed, California would be quote overrun by a flood of Mongols.

The Californians would be immigrated out of house and home by the Chinese, and that it is utterly and totally impossible to mingle all the various families of men from the lowest form of the hot and top up to the highest Caucasian in the same society.

Boy, was that guy wrong.

First of all, almost all of the various families of men from eighteen sixty six have been successfully mingled from highest Caucasian through Yellow Peril and Black Irish.

But freeze your TiVo you might enjoy this.

And second, as far as California goes, the Chinese have only managed to take control of a small section of San Francisco and one really beautiful movie theater in Hollywood. So our movie stars never fell for your devious Chinese foot in.

Hand cement traps ha They removed.

Their extremities before it hardened. So the worries around the fourteenth Amendment never came to pass.

And yet suddenly, one and forty five years later, there.

Is a movement a foot to rescind the law that makes anyone born in the United States a US citizen, specifically aimed at the children of illegal immigrants.

My god, the hot and taught Mongol flood is back, threatening to overwhelm us.

What's the issue about it? This time? Banker Babies?

You mean the hottest new show on Nick Junior anchor Babies.

This is This is Brian Williams. This is Brian.

This is baby Brian Williams saying to you and your family.

I just made a boomboom.

Wait a minute, y'all are repealing the fourteen Amendment to send a message to babies.

You know, look, I know it's babies we're talking, and it's hard to be tough on babies.

But let's remember, Okay, wait, I'm gonna stop you right there. Here's a sign you shouldn't finish a sentence when it begins with I know it's hard to be tough on babies.

But.

The free riders over you're drooling, diaper, soiling, poor motor control.

Having little sis.

Hey, hey, hey, moron, object permanence called no object permanent though.

You were special ed teachers. Can I get a pag nothing? I'm sorry, crazy lady.

You were saying it's hard to be tough on babies. But let's remember we're talking about illegal aliens coming to this country for the purpose of birthing a child, not because they love the kid, because they want that child to provide them with the benefits of US citizenship.

Whose parents are exploiting you for citizenship? Your parents, Yes they are. Yes. I think it's gonna I think it's gonna blow.

All right, So one attorney talking crazy talk. It's not like she's an elected official espousing some radical conspiracy theory.

Your theory is that al Qaeda will send a pregnant woman over here, have a baby, and then start to train these babies to be terrorists.

Is that right? Well, Eric, is not just a theory? Is not just the theory.

In fact, my doctor says it's a symptom of my syphilitic mind, the idea that al Qaeda is planting children here to be raised as sleeper sell terrorists. There is a kid in my son's kindergarten class, Osama Feldstein, who does kind.

Of stand out. This is what I got, This is what I got the beard for all right. But that's not a normal congressman. It's Louis Gomert.

He actually believes that hate crime laws lead to necrophilia, and that center should be elected by state legislators, and that the moon is made of whipped cream, which a giant fat man eats every month.

I only made up one of those. It's not like any of our more rational.

And respective political figures give this movement any credence.

Birthright citizenship, I think is a is a mistake that we should change our constitution and say if you come here illegal and you have a child, that child's automatically not a citizen. They come here to drop a child is called drop and leave.

No, you call it drop and leave.

I believe they call it the miraculous birth.

Of their child.

And why do politicians always have to give everything a catchy name. It's shock and awe, cut and run. I'm against. That's for not having sex in space.

Vote no on tang and bang.

No no selling Eastern candy to pedophiles.

You hurt me. No peeps for creeps. I have thirty more of.

So much rational illegal immigrant hate.

I just wish there was a voice or reason.

Out there, someone who could see this issue clearly.

My guess now Lou Dobbs and.

The idea that anchor babies, though require somehow changing the fourteenth Amendment, I part ways with the senators on that. I have to insist that we recognize those anchor babies as citizens of this country.

Lou Dobs thinks your immigration measure is to draconiin Lou dogs Blue. Dobs, who spent the last fifteen years of his life trying to get Dora the Explorer deported, thinks you've gone too far.

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