TDS Time Machine | Jon Stewart Interviews Comedy Legends

I've just been riding my bike. It's been pretty sweet. Riding my bike in New York is amazing too, because you ride it on the West Side bike path. I passed this guy and all of a sudden, where to go, fat ass? Yeah, I'm on drugs.

It's for my prop day. Do you really ride your bike around the city.

Oh, it's wonderful.

Yeah you're a madman.

Oh it's wonderful. It's the greatest way to get around. All of a sudden, people think, no, that couldn't be morek No, have.

You seen the new they have the new bikes that you can rent, the city bikes you can rent. But it's people like from Belgium that don't know the city and they don't have helmets, and they just.

Like yeah, they're like, okay, we're going to go out now here we go and New Yorkers are going get off off that bike.

But I'm amazed that no one has been hurt doing wonderfully.

That really is this thing that works itself out of Yeah, all of a sudden you see them and it's like, all of a sudden, even angels are flying behind him, going please killed.

But it's sweet.

You're right. It is basically Europeans going, how do I get downtown? Follow the numbers, the numbers get lower. Okay, it's there. The next topic aware are you Brooklyn? Welcome? But you're right, no helmets. There should be a little hand that says THETT, some sort of safety device, bubble wrap or a small just a little like maybe a condom something fun.

But don't you think for New Yorkers they're just sinking, like it's so hard every day not to just go like you know.

What I mean, like, oh, I ride my bike in La and that's that's where it really gets kind of crazy. I mean, oh really, I'll be writing. The weird thing is I've been living in La now because of the show. I don't do very well. And I got stopped by a cop once in LA and he gave me a script instead of a ticket. It was like you when here,

You're for real though, you don't you take this very seriously.

You've done bike tracks like you've done you know, two weeks going across like continents and stuff like.

No, no, no, I'm not that serious.

Oh really I.

Thought, didn't you train with like, uh, the guy who won the Tour de France.

Greg Lamond or something like that, and like rode with him for a little bit.

Yeah?

I wrote with him one time, and I used to ride with Lance and the old day. Oh really you used to ride behind the unibowler.

Did you really? You you rode with Lance? I rode with him.

Yeah. Want to talk, but he's like, he's so good, he'd be on the phone. He's been doing all this stuff. He's been his hands free.

I'm like, you bastard, right, but he tears it up. Now, what is this? You're back doing a series? Yes, in l A, in l A.

Why it's a job, brother, it's a job. But it was also David Kelly.

I had a meeting with him. Black guys believe it's a sweet.

Good man and a wonderful guy to work with him. He's a tough laugh though, yeah he doesn't laugh as much you do something really funny and this is all you're getting. You're like, huh nothing, It's like, you know, it'd be like that's like a standing ovation fit. But he's a great writer, and I thought, Okay, I'll take a shot with you and go.

You know, now, is it hard for you with a guy like that? I think that's probably hard because.

Well, when I did more coh Manty years ago, like you go back thirty two years ago, when I did more committed thirty two years there's take back. Then there are only three networks and the only thing that was wired was me. I was on everything but skates. But it was crazy.

I know, I know, I know. I've read the story.

Yes, I went to rehabit Wine Country just to keep my options open.

How does it feel now?

Do you feel like this is the so Brian and the learning that you've done. Is it a new lease on life? Do you feel like the person?

Yeah? Like what is it? Does the brain?

Were you worried when I remember when I quit doing drugs and smoking?

You remember that now?

Yes?

I do, But I remember being very fearful that I would lose my ability to work, to.

Be funny or to write that. I thought that they were somehow, But I think that's connected.

Well, I think there's a there's like there's there's a higher power. There's also a lower power.

Yeah, there's the lower.

Power that goes text that girl with it and show her pictures of your trunkts Okay, she's not going to share that with anybody, And the same lower power goes, you know you need this, come on now.

There was I relapsed.

I was up in Alaska and all of a sudden, I hadn't been sober for twenty years, and all of a sudden, I walked into a store and so a little bottle of Jack Daniels and went, ah, that'd be fine. I'll be okay. The moment I had the first sip, it was like, all of a sudden.

Was like WHOA come back out.

A week later, I was walking down the street and with like ten little bottles of Jack Daniels in my pockets. I sounded like a wind chime. It was like, but and I got really quick. I got down so quick. So I went right to blackouts. And it's a misnomer. They call it blackouts.

It's not.

It's like sleepwalking with activities. That's your brain going we're gonna do stuff You're not gonna know. You wake up in a small field going where am I E MA, it's just crazy. But I think that's the illusion. And I think like, you come through and you realize, yes, you can create better, you can get back, and it's just coming. And the main, the main operative word is fear. And like you said, the fear is there and you

You get deep deep.

And the lifestyle is so conducive to that type because we are generally bored individuals and we're working forty minutes a night in Winnipeg for two straight weeks and there's no that is.

Don't make them angry. They're Canadians. Let me just say this, let me just let me paint this.

You're the nicest country in the world. You're like, you're like a suite apartment over a meth lab.

It's really but it is that idea of like.

And so during the day, you don't have anything to do with yourself and you think like, I.

Bet I could make a crack pipe. You know what I mean. You know, it's like, hey, why do we why don't we have a project. That's like when does your lower voice have activities? It's got hobbies, Like I'm making a crack pipe and send it to camp and then see what happens. You do? How you doing? I'm doing good.

I miss you, you're I was telling you this back to one of the few comics when I don't hear your comedic voice for all, I miss it.

It's so funny and so I'm so glad to see you coming back. Listen, man, I like all your politics. Thank you, Norm.

I appreciate that now they're there. You're Canadian. Your government has collapsed.

It's completely as, it's completely collimbed.

Well the good the good thing is it doesn't matter at all. This is why, you know, because you're such a plug guy. And I realized when I came here because I was never political, and it's because you're from America and I'm from Canada. And in America you have a duty to be political because you vote for the wrong guy.

He blows up the world.

Now in Canada, here's our elections in Canada, go, hey, listen, how does that guy stand on the bridge building? It's always that's every time one guy goes, I think we should build a bridge. The other guy's had, uh no care for the bridge. So it's all bridge based. Got No, they don't. They never gave us no red phone. You know, your president. I thought you were political.

No, I didn't realize. Here's you're not real president has a red phone.

Here's what it's come to be in America.

And you're the most trusted man.

Not trusted.

It seems like now no matter who we vote for, no matter which guy we get, we still blow it out of the world.

So at a certain.

Point, maybe we just like blowing stuff up Americans.

Well, I listen, if I was president, man, I get on that red phone right away and blow something.

Huh what would you blow up first? Or I blow up?

Yeah, the stupid high school I went to. But listen, man, I'll tell you this though, uh with you know this, with the streets of Libya running with blood, Okay.

I'll buy your premise.

Listen. The Egyptians are so brave, you know, and then and the then, the then, as in TRIPLEI trying to take over and the Bahraine. Here's what I'm trying to get at. I'm from Canada. We got a queen. She lives in England, right, we're so, we're so we can't get Seriously, I could get a bunch of buddies of mine. I swear to god, I could get two or three dozen buddies of mine. We could go over to Buckingham Palace takeover.

I would totally do that with you.

It's an old bag in a castle.

You know what is the most difficult part of that finding which room she's in.

Do you have any idea if you go to attack her, there's like one hundred and thirty rooms.

We'd probably lose interest.

Oh, I saw you mean?

Yeah?

But you know Kadafi is surrounded by what is he surrounded by bahrrange?

He was surrounded by like dancing girls. He's crazy. Yeah, he's a nutbag. Now he likes the ladies. That's what I heard.

Did you know he had the He has a Ukrainian nurse who apparently.

He follows her everywhere.

Yeah, pretends he's a nurse. But I've heard that maybe there's a little hanky panky going on. Listen, I don't want a bad mouth Kadaffy. I want to talk about Watson the computer.

Oh, let's talk about that. I'm happy to talk.

About that character.

I love that guy. He was on Jeopardy. Crush.

He was on Jeopardy and he crushed you guys know Watson the computer. Sure, yeah, so uh and I watched it was cool and the funny thing was like they were like, I wonder if who's gonna win, Watson the computer or that guy that works down at the hat store. And uh, first of all, I don't think you should be called Watson because it wasn't Watson, the guy who didn't know Sherlock. Watson was like, hey what and then you go elementary, my idiot, So he should have been called Sheryld.

Anyways, you know it's a good sign.

So uh what So Watson naturally beat he's a computer, crushed him, killed him, you know. And even his stories were better, you know what I.

Mean, but they were didn't.

Stand Like when Alex Beck would say the story, Watson, I understand you have a story about jail, you know, and then Watson was like, yes, one time Oscar Wilde was in prison and George Bernard Shock came to him and said why, Oscar, what are you doing in there? Uh, to which Oscar Wilde quickly retorted, why George Bernard, what are you doing out there?

You know?

And the guy next to him like, god damn, I was gonna tell my story about the hat. I get the guy the wrong hat.

That time.

We got when is this show come on? When is the show come on?

There Lewis was the host of It was uncommon, especially I was twenty four and you looked like me back then.

You were in ten and I was about twenty one.

You know, why have you I keep having you back on the show to find out what I'm going to look like.

I keep I keep bringing you on. I brought you on right now. I go, all right, let'd be fine. Better than that I want. I was.

I could have gone to Woodstock, but it was drizzling and I stayed home.

Okay, but I went to a.

Lot of stuff when I was sixteen seventeen. Now, if I had anybody in that mug, he could have been my son, and I would have been unbelievable. I love it.

And you know what, I don't I tell you something.

It's oh that was nicer than anything my real father ever.

Said, Here's the nice thing I ever said to me.

You like something that happened when I sat something in the mud.

No, but you would have been my son, and I would have been proud of you. But I would have asked you for one thing money.

Do you remember the first thing I.

Met you at Carolines? I opened for you at Caroline's when.

It was still at the seaport, back in like the early eighties, back in.

The mid late eighties. A.

Do you remember the first thing you ever said to me? First line, I'll never forget.

You could have been my son if I someone in the mud.

The first thing Richard Lewis ever said to me in my life.

And I was a huge fan and remain a huge fan than was.

I have terrible diarrhea. I said that.

It was the first line who ever said to that?

I have terrible DIARYE. I'm sorry. I was coming back back of Caroline.

Remember there was no green room. I was going to put my coat back, and I had my coat right up on the hook, and all of a sudden I hear from the corner, I have terrible diarrhea.

I let me just jump this uping about about nine months ago, I did the Fallon.

Show, but two nights before.

Yes, he's true, I know, and I had food poisoning, so my wife was with me, my publicsher. You can't go on because no matter what.

I've done in my career.

Yes, if I would have taken took it, taken a dump, it would have been Wikipedia on the Fallon Show.

I'm gonna do you a favor. No, I gotta fill. Let me be a favor.

I can't finish the story. I got twenty five seconds.

You can finish it when I've done with a favorite.

You know, I would have had you as a cidderfy somebody would settle down.

Wikipedia take care of that for him.

They're gonna write it down for you. Let me just get keep going. I'll do it fast because I don't.

I hate it because I never lit a sentence. You go, brig A loans everybody, and I could get a stroke.

I could get a stroke.

I'm in my sixties. Now, listen, what happened?

Are you take the sixties?

I'm in my sixth Please you.

Look terrible sixty. I shave for you. I even probably dressed up when you came out.

I swear to god, I thought the Bible has come alive.

I had no sixties.

And why did they always put the.

Bible in the hotel room.

I want a Jewish delicatestent takeout order.

On the other side.

I mean, I kid the Mormons, but I you know, I don't care about the salt leg I want a Pistrami sandwich. So anyway, so I had, I had a summer port. You know, when you have that, you're on the toilet for twenty eight hours.

And I had I had you eating what had you eaten?

It was a food poisoning and I had a recovery.

No, that's what it is. I know.

My wife says, you can't go on foul, and my public says, we got to I'm not canceling. I didn't show, must go on.

So she won.

I said, do me a favor, get me depends so in case it happens, no one will know.

I mean, Fallon could have been like a porkmon. He could have done that.

But I didn't do anything.

But you got me like this.

Calvin. They come that with Calvin Klein. Can I stand up at the camp? So they put the Calvin kline in and it sucks your stomach in like a girdle. So I looked like a million dollars. So they said, let you John Riche Lewis, how's everything going?

And so I told my wife.

So when I did the show, it went well.

And then I went out and snuck out and bought twelve pair.

So the whole trip in.

New York, my wife's friends, he looks great for sixty.

He'll tell you something, how many dollars? Oh, I know how much you have but mine and a half.

No, But that is what in terms of a billboard in Times Square for Calvin Klein.

Lewis.

And it depends