TDS Time Machine | Great Moments in Super Bowling

You're listening to Comedy Central.

Bambro a second two thousand and four.

From Comedy Central's World News headquarters in New York.

This is the Daily Show with John Stuart. Let's get right to it.

As America licks the last traces of dorito dust from its fingers in Houston, Texas reverts back from center of the Universe status to shithole, we take a fond look back at the pageantry, spectacle and erectile dysfunction that was Super Bowl thirty eight. To the game, but first, but first, to the pre game, which began sometime Friday morning and by yesterday had gotten so dull. CBS's Jim Nantz was forced to Bill George Network, are time talking to this guy?

Guys. I've got a lot of great sports memories of Houston, Fi Slama, Jama of the Blue, Nolan Ryan, I'm still agonizing over the Astros losing to the Phillies in nineteen eighty.

There you have it, he's still agonizing over a quarter century old baseball loss. Total failure of US intelligence. It happens, we'll look into it. It's ah, but the Astros and the Phillies.

Ooh, still all right?

Time for the game. But first Tobby Eith, whose performance game producers an opportunity to show off their cool new Matrix cameras, perfect for those moments when you think I must see the other side of Toby Keith immediately.

Make it so.

But enough talk game time, But first Aerosmith cook out Things rolling with a rowdy, down and dirty rock and roll tribute to the Space Shuttle Columbia and it's astronauts who lost their lives. Aerosmith, actually I did do a sort of a deep version of their dream on song and an assign of things to come. The number ended when Steven Tyler accidentally tore off rhythm guitarist Brad Whitford's denhim ass panels.

Now we got a real.

I know, for a band that old, that's a good looking ass panel. I gotta say, all right, now the big game we came to play. It's time to ae. I forgot the national anthem Here we Go, performed by Beyonce. I'm sorry, I don't think I was ready for that, Jelly. I just don't think I all right, All kidding aside, Let's go to the halftime show, which, aside from the commercials, is always the most anticipated part of the Super Bowl.

Oh.

Poor Nelly in his itchy penis.

It must really itch.

We should use TALC. Sadly, what happened next turn to what had been a dignified, high brow affair into a shameless display of sexual exploitation. Janet Jackson took the stage again, surrounding herself with players from that dangerous of sports.

Gay roller ball.

The star was enjoined by Justin Timberlayku, in a premeditated display of spontaneity, accidentally tore off Jackson's bosh jay, revealing her right breast to the world. Shocking and yet oddly reminiscent of the nineteen seventy one halftime show when Carol Channing entertained fans by putting him on.

The glass well, Hello.

Boobies.

CBS immediately apologized for the nudity, and Timberlake himself apologized for what he dubbed, quote a wardrobe malfunction.

Wardrobe malfunction.

It was, in fact a wardrobe malfunction. Justin was actually supposed to get both breasts out, apparently he skipped rehearsals for the left one. Now, the Jackson incident or teat gate prompted immediate expressions of outrage. CBS distanced themselves, the FCC is going to investigate, and today NFL Commissioner Paul Taglibu released this statement, reading, in part quote, we were extremely disappointed by the MTV produced halftime show. The show

Camraine or snow or whatever.

We play baseball taking the future challenge and you gotta love that.

Do you see the problem? The NFL is sponsored by an erectile dysfunction drug for Janet Jackson to give older men an erection during the halftime show. That's copyright infringement.

She is not supposed to jiggle.

Her boob without the express written consent of the National Football League. Offer not ballot in Tennessee, anyway?

To me?

The real tragedy of the whole thing, the halftime show at the Super Bowl is supposed to be about the music sucking.

We'll be right back.

February fourth, twenty thirteen, Comedy Central's Worldviews headquarters in New York.

This is the Daily Show with John's to.

Let's begin to night with last Night the Sporting event that encapsulates so well the entirety of what it means to be an American. An event that begins with an emotional salute to the victims of gun violence quickly gives way with a promotional salute to the glorifying.

Of said gun violence. Bang Bang time, Yes it is.

Bang Bang time. Didn't realize two broke girls had taken such a dark turn. All right, We cheered as men committed brutal violence upon one another, and then complained bitterly at the sight of two people kissing, and a multi million dollar sound and light show was immediately followed by yet another sign that our basic infrastructure is on the verge of collapse. We uh, that's from the natural. We

It was Morgan Freeman. I think.

Never gets old. But you know, after Beyonce's performance, if you liked it, you should have put a fuse on it, because just as Baltimore's Jacobe Jones seemingly put the game out of reach for Baltimore with the one hundred and eight yard touchdown. Y'll return stood dunk.

This was about a piece of electronic equipment that monitors the power feeding into the stadium.

It sensed what Supernome officials are calling quote an abnormality.

Oh right, an abnormality to Yasa souperba, why did you do ya?

Sa? So?

How many football players must suffer for his evil schemes? But wins and losses, blackouts and performances aside. The real contest took place amongst America's foremost products, who competed for the opportunity to be buzzed about an estimated global audience of everybody. The Super Bowl is the company's best chance to get its message across to America, messages like our candy feels pain when you eat it and our chips

Be the most controversial ad of the Super Bowl is ad from Go Daddy called Perfect Match, where supermodels are Raphaeli.

Lock's lips with a kiky looking engineer.

Oh really that ad was controversial? Oh because he was kissing a Jew?

Is that why?

Oh? Oh, it's so disgusting to kiss a jew? Is that it because she's so disgustingly?

What's that?

I'm being told that That's not why people were upset. The source was apparently America's belief that affection should only take place between looks equals. He's not attractive enough, by the way, how was this objectionable? But everybody was perfectly fine with the ad about the guy who was clearly his horse. I'm not saying I blame him. That's a fine looking class.

Anyway.

In the end, the Ravens prevail failed. The game was the swan song for seventeen year veteran linebacker Ray Lounis Array Lewis I'm sorry seen here portrayed as a very angry badger, He's an inspirational figure as his teammates. Lewis's story is complicated by some personal troubles. It's a little matter of let Boomera assize and explain.

I'll tell you.

Because he was involved in a double murderer, a little double murderers New Rockney. He used to call them the.

Oh double murder rule.

But in the pregame interview, ray Lewis offered up a novel defense for his actions. What would you like to say to the families, to the family if you knew, if you really knew.

The way God works, He.

Don't use people who commits anything like that.

For his glory.

No.

Wait, it's the total opposite.

Wow, must be quite the comfort to the families of those murder victims, the news that God makes sure everybody gets what they deserve.

Still that's the case.

Criminal trials should go a lot faster, your honor, what evidence do you believe the victim's blood being found in Mike Leine's limousine or my client going to thirteen pro bowls? I mean thirteen? Would God allow a murderer to go to thirteen pro bols? I rest my faith.

He has.

It's seen by the end of this long and complicated day that our senses had been beaten into submission and numbed by excess. Just as I began to question this annual ritual of violence and consumerism, well I saw this one final.

Commercial in the eternal debate for answers.

The one thing that's true is what's truth for you?

And I realized after seeing that that I actually loved the Super Bowl. Guys getting hit really hard, hot girls kissing ugly dudes, hot dudes kissing hot horses, beer trucks, chips. I found my hands in scientology and it was inside my refrigerator the whole time.

We'll be right.

Back, February twenty sixty.

From Comedy Central's World News headquarters in New York.

This is the Daily Show with Trevor No.

As we all know, last night's was the super Bowl, and it seems like the real MVP of the nights was Beyonce. For more, we turned to our senior Beyonce correspondent, Jessica Williams. Everybody thanks Trevor.

On Saturday, Beyonce dropped her new song Formation, and in typical Beyonce fashion, there was an epic video to go along with it. Everybody in the Bayhive went to noles con One, which is reserved only for the most intense Beyonce drops.

JK were always in noles.

Con One and it was awesome because there was so much in this video about black female and Parliament.

But it's not just about self love.

I mean, she calls out police brutality and the constant fear that black people have of the police.

She even threw back to Hurricane Katrina.

The black girl magic in that video was out of control. She was like a beautiful black Dumbledore, but wearing a really nice weed and three thousand dollars worth of Gucci.

And that was just the tailgate before the Big Game.

It really was an amazing show, but not everyone was ready for that jelly.

In the end, we find out that Beyonce dressed up in a tribute to the Black Panthers, went to a Malcolm X formation and the song the lyric which I couldn't make out a syllable where basically it's telling cops to U stop shooting blacks.

I thought it was really outrageous that she used it as a platform to attack police offices.

Is there anything in America which can exclude race? I mean, why is race brought into the halftime show at a Super Bowl game?

Why race was brought in?

Because Beyonce was brought in and race yourself. You might want to sit down for this, but Beyonce is black, and as a black person, you walk around every day constantly reminded that you are black. We're more likely to get paid less, we're more likely to get sent to prison, and we're more likely to win a dance competition.

But it is not all bad.

The point is Beyonce is black and this song is her message. That's what artists do their messages in their music, like how Chris Martin wore his Global Citizen armband promote his message of ending worldwide poverty, or how Bruno Mars delivered his message about how Uptown was gonna plunk me up.

That's a threat. I live Uptown.

I barely slept after that performance. How dare he say something like that? And why are people surprised that Beyonce would send a message during the show. She's done this since the beginning of her career. Have we forgotten when she addressed the importance of mental health and crazy in love?

Oh oh oh oh No no indeed.

But look I get it. Beyonce wasn't just doing any television performance. I mean this was the super Bowl and that's what got some people pissed.

You're talking to middle of America when when you got a sweet and we had the super Bowl. So if you can have entertainment, let's have you know, decent wholesome entertainment.

Okay, So, first of all, are you saying that you can't talk about race issues to Middle America? What are they so delicate and unaware and maybe so white that Beyonce is too much for them?

You know what's right in the middle of America?

Ferguson, Missouri and furthermore, furthermore, I am so sorry.

That this wasn't wholesome enough for you.

I didn't realize that singing about race was equivalent to Janet Jackson getting her titty pulled out at the Super Bowl.

But you're right.

You know what, the fans deserve wholesome entertainment like watching three hundred pounds men give each other concussions while a crowd cheers like we're extras in the movie Gladiator?

So what is wrong with Beyonce? Everyone? Were you not entertained?

Jessica Williams?

Everyone, We'll be right back.

February fIF two thousand, Ages Towny Central's World News headquarters in New York.

This is the Daily Show.

I don't know.

You gotta say it.

Congratulations Philadelphia Eagles, well done.

First Super Bowl victory ever.

And from the way the fans celebrates it, you could tell that they were new at this.

Overnight, Philly streets erupt celebrations turned to riots.

Rowdy fans ripped down lampposts, storming the city Hall gates.

The celebration quickly got routing. Fans pulled down traffic lights, started fires, and tipped over cars.

They climbed on top of the Ritz Carlton Awning, which ended up collapsing.

Police were left powerless as this fan hopped on top of a police van, riding it through the massive crowd.

Damn, it got so crazy that the police were left powerless.

The poor police, what happened? They were like, we couldn't do anything.

They were white, who is just.

Why would you.

Burn your city down when you walked?

Like now?

I feel like the Eagles fans need to lose every year just so that they can go out and fix things.

Oh well, there's always next year.

Boys, Hand me a wrench, Hand me a wrench.

You know what it feels like. Actually, it feels like the Eagles fans thought they were going to lose, so they planned the riots, but then they won and they didn't want.

To let a good riot go to waste.

They're like, yeah, let's do it anyway.

I love this setting.

I mean, they were jumping on top of the awning at the Rinz Carlton.

How did they even get up there?

How did like can you imagine?

Can you imagine how terrified the fancy rich people in the Ridz Carlton were, like just.

People outside them.

Its been like, dear Lord.

Margaret, Margaret, Margaret, the revolution is happening.

It's happening.

Margaret hid the Zilva Hi de silva like it's you know, it's hard enough for me to understand why happy people are burning things and trashing cars, like that's already strange to me. But one fan was so excited that for some reason, and this is a real thing, he got so excited he was eating horseshit.

What the hell?

Like I never thought I would say this, but we found the one guy who actually needs to eat tide pods.

We found them.

Congratulations Eagles.

February third, twenty twenty.

From Comedy Central's World News headquarters in New York.

This is the Daily Show with travel Money.

Let's kick it off with the super Bowl. Yesterday's big game was very exciting. Like, I don't know why they don't just make every football game the Super Bowl. You know that way, you get more people watch it, and the best thing about it, even if you don't like the sport, you're bound to find something else exciting.

And they have. Johnnats Chiefs are Super.

Bowl champions, superstar quarterback Patrick Mahomes leading to charge in a thrilling comeback defeating the San Francisco forty nine ers, Mahomes making history at just twenty four years old, becoming the youngest quarterback to be named Super Bowl MVP.

I'm going to.

Disney World, Shakira and Jennifer Lupez would the crowd singing and dancing up a storm.

There's one person, though, at the Super Bowl who wasn't that impressed?

God all this guy? One fan in the stands.

Then we got a picture of this This guy is out cold.

A sports reporter caught him catching some Super game.

He most likely, of course, paid a lot of money to score a seat.

The average price for a Super Bowl ticket is close to seven grand.

Okay, okay, okay. There are two ways to see this.

Either you can be mad because this guy wasted a lot of money just to miss an incredible experience, or you can see it as this dude bowling out so hard. He spent seven thousand dollars just to take a nap.

That's a serf.

But seriously, how chaotic is this guy's life that he's like, I need to go to the super Bowl just so I can't have a quiet place to sleep.

Like how noisy is his home?

He must have like thirteen kids and every one of them is Bernie Sanders, Dad, Dad, Dad.

I can't find my toys.

The DNCA stole them from me, Dad dad.

But we're just kidding around.

This guy is clearly dead now.

The big moment from last night that everyone was talking about raving about rather was Jlo and Shakira.

They killed it, already killed.

But but some people were really pissed that j Loo pulled out a strip of pole to do some moves. Now, look, I understand some parents might be angry because there are kids who watched the game.

So for all those parents, just tell your kid Jlo's a fireman. I probably saw right. And here's another thing.

Jalo spent months learning how to be a professional pole dancer for her movie Hustle. Let me say something, if I spend that much time learning how to pull down, I would be pulled on sing every chance I get, I don't care where I am.

I would be doing it. I'll be in the subway like jump Bone it last joy.

Riding my pull lit.

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