TDS Time Machine | Earth Day

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Central America celebrates Earth Day, only three hundred.

And sixty three shopping days until next Earth Day. Al Gored and Leonardo DiCaprio joined forces in Washington Saturday celebrating the thirtieth anniversary.

Of Earth Day.

The celebration was held amidst a rock festival atmosphere, except there was no rock, no festival, and as we all learned from the speakers, no atmosphere.

We have to make the next ten years the environment decade in America and around the world. We have to stand against the apologists for pollution, those who believe in the old politics of environmental irresponsibility.

Inspiring words from a man who's nineteen ninety two bestseller Earth in the Balance now sits in landfills across the country. The crowd was also treated to the music of David Crosby, who was then treated to the sound of people heading over to the Smithsonian too see Archie Bunker's Chair. Leonardo DiCaprio's much debated Bill Clinton interview also aired this weekend. The President took Leo on a tour of the dimly lit and romantic White House.

We started a project here at the White House called the greening of the White House.

Just by changing the lighting in this whole building, we lowered our electric bills by one hundred thousand.

Dollars a year.

Wow.

After blowing his wow wod, early, DiCaprio scoured his journalist's handbook further stinging retorts like geez and awesome and can a play? I get a table dance? The day after Thanksgiving you feel stuffed, The day after Valentine's Day loved or angry, And the day after Earth Day you feel mildly embarrassed that you forgot yesterday was Earth Day. Our sambe has another.

Take Planet Earth. We can't seem to do enough for it. We celebrate it, clean it. We even featured Leo in an issue of Vanity Fair about it and for all we do? How does Mother Earth treat us with a human kill rate of one hundred percent? Mother Nature is one ungrateful horror. Clearly the Earth hates our freedom. But try telling that to the blame human's first crowd. All right, So here I am at Earth Day talking to some stupid hippie about some stupid too.

The Earth isn't doing anything bad. We're doing the bad things to the earth.

Okay, isn't a little.

Childish to talk about who's started what when and who's doing.

What to whom.

The point is in this war, we have to win it.

You know what.

We're really psyched about this product.

It's new from Stonyfield, comes in several different flavors or strawberry banana.

Should it taste like feet?

Oh? Really?

Okay?

Well, when you suckled at your mother's taint, did molten hot lava pour out into your mouth?

We've got five percent of the population using twenty five percent of the natural resources, louting thirty percent of the earth, and so that's a failed system.

Do you do pushups?

I know I got people come out and.

We raise awareness and were being safe.

To win this war, we may need science. So I met with an essacalematologist, Gavin Schmidt, to find out how we can learn from our past mistakes. I'm just an average person without access to an earthquake, ray or a death star. How can I join the fight against Earth? I really couldn't tell you. Statistically, aren't Americans more likely to get hit by lightning than attacked by terrorists?

I think that's true?

Then can we afford not to have a war en lightning. It'd be difficult to do. That's what they said about destroying the ozone layer. But score one for humans.

Actually, the ozone layre is well on its way to recovery.

Damn it.

Fortunately there is a way out.

Today I announced a new plan to extend a human presence across our solar system with human missions to Mars and to worlds beyond.

Until we can leave this box behind, Americans will need to make sacrifices, even if that means touring around the country in a private jet, giving energy guzzling PowerPoint presentations on some stupid crap and releasing a movie about it. In the end, we all have to do what we can to make the planet more livable. Four three days.

You have to be a liver your back, Oh right.

A news story falls through the cracks on Lewis Black catches it for a segment we call Back and Black.

You can always tell it's Earth Day when the co two emissions from the world smokestacks start piling in comparison to celebrity emissions, telling us we can save the Earth if we start acting a little more like them. Just to ask Matt Damon, who contributed this tip to Oproot Winfrey's Earth Day special.

I've got a great one for you. If your house is anything like mine, stop it's not.

It's a lot smaller and it doesn't have an affleck shaped dent in the couch. Oprah herself showed off her Earth Day spirit by wearing a sweater she accidentally watched with her money had giving away earth friendly products to her audience.

We're gonna bring out the bulb.

So you can have a light.

That's bob ooh, a light bulb giveaway. Huh do you really think that'll undo the environmental damage caused by this? Over On ABC twenty twenty, both documented and lived out Mankind's excess by flying reporters to file live reports from six of the seven.

Continents every second of every single day, thousands of trees.

Are being cut down.

In fact, in just the one minute that I've been talking, an area of the size of sixty football fields has been wiped out.

That for God's sakes, stop talking your name, Blacker is raping the Earth. Host Diane Sawyer talked to a scientist from Antarctica and found out it's calling.

You can step outside for a few seconds, but you certainly don't want to stand around for a minute or two. You get frost fitting very quickly at these temperatures.

So is your pole thinning?

I'll tell you right now, if I go through the trouble of placing a satellite call just to hear Diane Sawyer's voice, she better not thin my pole. Still, my favorite Earth Day is speciel had to be this. If my Ride, a show devoted to creating the least efficient vehicles in human history, have the nerve to throw its own Earth Day celebration on Sunday, you.

Probably want to add that, Mike, are there really any benefits of using bio diesels?

Hell?

Yeah, this stuff produces nazy diesel emissions by almost eighty percent.

It ends as it rain, which I personally love because I hate it.

Be ash, get some shame. Cars don't run on cognitive dissonance. Any other final thoughts.

If everybody used recycled tissue, even you would have millions of trees.

Still on the ground.

I just want you to go now, move to a cloth bag, use less gasoline.

There are kind of little things that you can do and do.

Something wonderful for your life and get rid of this young com So there you have it, advice on saving planet Earth from a bunch of people who couldn't even save planet Hollywood.

Now we saw President Bush in the Great Outdoors. He talked about how he loves owning his branch in Texas. Clearly he's a friend of the environment. But who else is? As Matt Wallash recently found out, the Earth's best friend may well be the logging industry.

For decades, children have been enchanted by Doctor Seuss's silly tales from the Cat in the Hat and Horton hears a who to later stories like the Lorax.

I'll never forget the grim look on his face La when he hoisted himself and took leave of this month.

He's holding his butt.

He's hoisting his himself by the seat of the case.

He's holding his butt.

But Terry Burke Att, a concerned mother of two, says there's more to the lorax than meets the eye.

The lorax is being used to present a very preservationist point of view that we were running out of trees. I had no idea.

Could the warm and fuzzy lorax actually be a radical tree hu bugger held bent on destroying the wood products industry. Burkett says this is yet another example of moneyed special interests gone too far.

There's a lot of money in the hands of environmental organizations, and the wood products industry is basically busy going to work every day, and they have not had the money to get their story out.

Yes, with only billions in revenue to work with, mom and pop companies like Warehouser and International Paper have been backed into a corner. So Burkett drew on her experience as a mother and as an assistant plant manager for wood flooring manufacturer to write a book that teachers children cutting down trees makes the forest happy. She called it true Ax.

People in the wood products industry are environmentalists, and that's what I try to get across in TRUEX.

Her book got picked up by a boutique indie publisher called the National Old Flooring Manufacturers Association, and with nearly half a million copies in print, True Ax is fast replacing lower axe classrooms across America.

I'm true X the loger.

I harvest these trees for ball bats and houses and things such as these, and.

The kids love it.

Bo diversity. Will this still be there when the trees have been flung.

But in any good wood products curriculum, reading materials must be supplemented with hands on learning. Everything I'm showing you today is waterproof. Okay, it's gonna last your lifetime. It's an investment, but it last your lifetime. Now, when you get Venetian blinds, you're gonna want to match the blinds to the floor, and.

You don't want them to contrast.

Okay, and remember the blinds match the floor. Say that the blinds match the floor. Kids seem to really appreciate the wood products industry. So why didn't doctor seuss I put that question to a sous spokesman. So you speak for the trees, correct?

I am the lure actual for the trees.

Well, I have a copy of your most recent tax return, and it's seems to me you do more than just speak for the trees.

I'm also in charge of the brown Barbeluch who played in the shade in that Barbelouch shoots.

How do you respond to allegations that you're just a hired gun who will work for any organization that will pay you. You're nothing more than a two bitch shill.

Listen to me, I am the lort I don't have.

To answer questions, list interviews.

Over where are you going?

Bosh?

Who else do you work for?

You're away from me, newsman. Friday, April twenty second was Earth Day, not, of course oddly enough, April twenty second is the day in twenty twelve on which the Earth will end.

You heard of?

Your first President Bush marked the event by riding his airborne suv to Tennessee to visit the Great Smoking Mountains, ironically our nation's most looted national park, but he wound up stuck on the tarmac due to a sudden burst of hail and thunderstorms. Because the Earth hates him so much, so long, but the President soldiered on with a speech, making a slight adjustment intense in the park.

Had I been there, how to remind of people today's Earth Day?

But since since I'm not there, let me let me skip right ahead to talking about our good friend, the high sulfur coal plant.

We didn't create this earth, but we have an obligation to to protect it. One of the interesting things about our nation is that since nineteen seventy the air is cleaner and the water's more pure, and we used our land better and our economy has grown a lie.

And then and then, and then, and then I showed up the whole thing. The whole thing went to Ida. The whole thing went went Now, if you didn't notice Majority Leader Bill Frist, the company, the President on the trip. Now, I'm going to replace some of the tape, keep your eye on Senator Bill Frist as the President speaks.

We didn't create this earth, but we have an obligation to protect it. One of the interesting things about our nation is that since nineteen seventy the air is cleaner and the water is more pure, and we're using our land. Better help me, you know, I.

Was not there. Obviously, I wasn't there, and I was only watching this on videotape, so I am not really qualified to give a diagnosis. But it seems to me that Bill Frist was in a persistent vegetative state.

I don't know that to feel about.

Of course, the biggest never give an audience candy. The biggest environmental battle these days is over the proposal to drill in Alaska's Arctic National Wildlife Refuge, and those opposed to it are mobilized, and by mobilized, I mean armed with meringue. This weekend in front of the capital. Ice cream moguls Ben and Jerry created the world's largest baked Alaska, presumably to weigh's awareness about the on war legislation now moving through Congress. There you have it, the state of

This nation does not have to choose between a strong economy and a clean environment.

You'll get neither.

In like it.

Now mean U beget out. Of course, no Earthday speech would be complete without mentioning the administration's favorite environmental pipe dream.

I believe that today's shown will one day take your driver's test and a hydrogen powered pollution free car.

And I believe teenagers from Barlow's hydrogen cars from their future parents without permission and stay out past space curfew robonecking with their cyborg boar friends. Thought of that when I was on a bicycle, and aside from the President, well as best we can tell. Only one other place acknowledged Earth Day, the Cartoon Network's Boomerang channel, which aired thirteen lost episodes of the early nineties pro environment cartoon Captain Planet and the Planeteers.

How many things in your home are made from trees, furniture, bullets, baseball vats, even your houses floor in framing?

Gee?

Why didn't that ever take off? Mommy? I want to be the superhero that tells us what our house is made of. Don't taunt me? And what was Earth doing in the run up to Earth Day? Well over the last week it gave us volcano erupting in Peru, earthquakes in Tibet, Indonesian, Japan, freak tornadoes in America in the Philippines, floods in Hungary, Romanian, Malaysia and Kenya, wildfires in Colorado, and a Category five super cyclone about to destroy Darwin, Australia.

Just a degree, one little degree, it's so hot over ice caps are naughty, they're pussy.

I got news for you, Earth, You ain't the only rock in the neighborhood, you know what I'm saying. We got pictures. You seen the moon, very nice. We've been there several times. You know, they've already got a golf course. Then there's Mars, a little red, a little rocky. It's a perfect fixer upper. We got a titan out by Saturn, very similar atmosphere to you, other than it's two undred ninety degrees fahrenheit below zero. But we're working on space jackets.

What are you gonna do about that?

That's going to be a day to drive your half mile per hour gallon humskalade while spraying aquanetic baby seals. You know why, because We're not going out, baby, We're not going out like the Dinosaur's my brother. Without us, you're nothing but a billion year old, self sustaining, self regulating, organic eden and complete harmony with itself, So fuck you.

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