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March, as you know, is Women's History Month, and to celebrate return to Daisi Lidik, where she doesn't explore history but his hurry.
It's no secret that women's on screen portrayals have evolved throughout history. We've gone from playing secretaries being saved by James Bond all the way to nuclear scientists being saved by James Bond. But I want to focus on one specific aspect of female depictions, the orgasm. It's when a woman is stimulated to the point of climax, causing a physical and neurological response that scientists refer to as fantastic.
And over the years, depicting female pleasure on screen is something that's changed more than the batteries in your vibrator. First known female orgasm on the silver screen was in the nineteen thirty three German film Ecstasy, when Hetty Lamar took the brought Worst Express all the way to pleasure Burg. Turns out the world wasn't ready for this. Everyone denounced it, from Hitler to the Pope, and if you ask me, the Pope has no place weighing in on sex scenes.
He's celibate. I mean, when we need your opinion on the best stay removers for white fabrics, then we'll call you. Unfortunately, being the first actress to climax on screen, followed Hetty Lamar. For the rest of her career, she was typecast as the seductress, even though she.
Was literally the smartest person in Hollywood.
Yeah, as her side hustle, she was a brilliant scientist who invented the basis.
For all modern wireless technology.
Without her, no one would be orgasming because we wouldn't be able to watch porn on our cell phones.
In the bathroom.
And that was the last big on screen female orgasm for a while because around the same time, the Hayes Code was enforced in Hollywood. This was a set of censorship guidelines that banned movies from explicitly showing or discussing sex. Even married couples had to be shown in separate beds, or as it's now called the reverse chocolate factory with a.
Four you bedridden for the past twenty years. It takes a lot of work to keep this family going.
No one was getting off. The Hayes Code finally ended in the late sixties, which as timing goes is like having your dry January end at an open bar in Cabo America was embarking on a sexual revolution, so female pleasure came back on screen. Unfortunately, it was often treated as a novelty that existed for men's amusements. So you've got scenes like the one in nineteen sixty eight's Barbarella.
We're Evil. Doctor Eyebrows over here traps Jane Fonda and a machine that's supposed to give her orgasms until she dies, except that she climaxes so hard she breaks the machine. Goodness. At the time, it was considered a campy, sexy thing, but looking at it now, it's a violation. Remember everyone, if you're going to put a woman in a machine that.
Orgasms her to death, you need consent first.
Another major moment came a few years later with the movie Deep Throat. It tells the story of a woman who keeps giving men oral sex because her pleasure zone is in her throat.
That is not how it works.
But Deep Throat became the first porno film to go mainstream and inspired both my uncles to become Dennis the Female Orgasms and Barberrella and Deep Throat were basically male fantasies about how women experienced pleasure, so it was appropriate that the next on screen orgasm to make a splash
totally debunked those fantasies. Nineteen eighty nine's When Harry Met Sally famously includes an extended scene of Meg Ryan faking an orgasm in a deli to prove to Billy Crystal that maybe he wasn't the cunnelingest king that he thought he was. Oh oh, yes, yes, yes, oh God. This scene was groundbreaking for a few reasons. It told all the women watching who had faked orgasms that they weren't alone.
It taught men to try to be attentive to their partner's needs, and it catapulted draw Me to become the top aphrodisiac of nineteen eighty nine. It also started a conversation about the performative nature of the female orgasm. Women face far too much pressure to satisfy their partner's ego instead of themselves. I mean, no one ever has to fake it for their vibrator. If they don't get the job done, they just go back into the drawer and
they think about what they did. In the years that followed, female pleasure became more and more common on screen, but they were still often treated as punchlines, like Jennifer Aniston getting unexpected magic Himaxes and Bruce Almighty, or Catherine Heigel accidentally orgasming at dinner when a little boy grabbed her remote controlled vibrating underwear. Okay, there is so much wrong
with this. It's non consensual, it's a kid doing it, and it perpetuates the dangerous myth that vibrating underwear gives you anything but a five alarm electrical burn.
And even when orgasms weren't.
Meant to be funny, it could be hard to take them seriously, like in Forty Days and Forty Nights when Josh Harten it makes it partner orgasm by caressing her with flowers, which, believe me, is not that easy. Not to be a size queen, but you're gonna have to use at least a sunflower. The aughts weren't a step forward for orgasms, but they weren't a step back either. They still needed to step a little to the side, now the other side, then back and forth.
Yeah, right there.
Thankfully, in the present day, we're starting to see much more realistic and positive depictions of women pop in their Turkey timers. These days, you can hardly turn your TV on without seeing a woman getting off. And finally, movies and shows are doing this through the female gaze. And if you don't know what that would look like, then you haven't seen Bridgerton. It's a show about nineteenth century British society taking care of their little women.
She's a Beth in the streets, but a Joe in the sheets.
Thanks to Bridgerton, there haven't been this many female orgasms since well since when started watching Bridgerton. So that's the history on the female orgasm on screen, and who knows what the future holds, but it is important because the way women are portrayed on screen holds a mirror up to how they're treated in real life.
And as all women know, sometimes.
Holding up a mirror to something is the only way to get a good look and figure out how it works. A lot of people think America's first female soldier was Demi Moore and Gi Jane, which is not true. Although she was the first marine to strip her way through West Point, the truth is there have been women fighting wars since the beginning of America.
During the Revolutionary War.
Deborah Sampson was the first known woman to enlist, and to do so, she had to pose as a man, which had its ups and downs. On the one hand, she had to put herself in grave danger. On the other hand, she didn't have to wear a corset anymore, which, if you ask me, is worth risking your life for. And Samson didn't just fight in the war, She kicked ass. She led a raid that captured fifteen men. That's right, a woman took down fifteen men without the help of Ronan Ferro.
In the Civil War, another woman named.
Melinda Blaylock also poses a man to enlist. It's weird that America doesn't know her story because she fought for the Confederacy. You think there'd be statues of her all over. But Blaylock was secretly a Union sympathizer trying to desert the Confederates and escape up north.
But before she could, she was.
Shot in the shoulder and discovered as a woman by an army doctor. That's a huge sacrifice because as soon as your doctor realizes you're a woman, all your premiums go up. After Blaylock was discharged for the crime of having a Vagina. She escaped to Tennessee and joined up with the Union Army, helping it to win the Civil War, end slavery, and defeat racism in America once and for all. At least that's what my nephew's textbook says he goes to school in Texas. World War One women didn't have
to drag race their way into service. They were actually
allowed to enlist. In nineteen eighteen, Opa Mae Johnson was the first woman to join the United States Marine Corps, along with three hundred other women, and they came to be known as the Marinets, although to their credit, marine officials distanced themselves from that nickname, probably because marinette sounds less like soldiers and more like a dance troop that does high kicks on the battlefield, which is really just giving the enemy unrealistic expectations of what their legs should
look like. By World War Two, women weren't just fighting on the ground. They were taking to the skies. America had a shortage of pilots, so women were trained to fly military aircraft. These women were known as wasps, which stood for Women Air Force Service Pilots, and not as many believe wet ass service pilots. This was just another example of women getting to step up during the war to do jobs previously reserved for men, flying planes, playing baseball.
Women even had to fill in for man splainers. See the reason they haull at World War two is because it's a second one. It's a math thing. You wouldn't understand. You go hammer some shit. World War two saw another first for women when Charity Adams Early became the first African American female Army officer and led the first battalion of black women to be stationed overseas, which means without her inspiration, we never would have had Beyonce's Super Bowl
halftime show. Early was given the daunting task of delivering airplane hangers full of undelivered mail to the soldiers fighting in Europe, and she did such an amazing job that she was eventually promoted to lieutenant colonel, which back then was the highest rank a woman was allowed to have, just above.
HBIC and girl boss.
But not every woman fighting in World War Two was as visible as army officers and Air Force pilots, and in one case that was on purpose. Virginia Hall was one of the alli's most important spies. She recruited resistance fighters, directed them to the Allied invasion, rescued twelve fellow agents out of an internment camp. And she did it at all with a peg leg. You're kidding me. I take
a sick day when I stub my toe. The Nazis called Hall the Enemy's most dangerous spot, but she was more affectionately known as the limping Lady of Leon, and she gathered intelligence from everywhere, from nuns to brothel owners, basically anyone who spanks men with a ruler. Hall was truly a master of espionage, like James Bond, without all the pouting and STDs. But it wasn't all sunshine and
jet fuel for women veterans. The families of the women who died while serving didn't get any survivor benefits or burial expenses, and the women who made it through the war didn't even get veteran status until the late seventies.
Which is so messed up. Also, if you're not an official.
Veteran, your dog doesn't get excited when you surprise him by coming home. Barely even looks up. So this Veteran's Day, we salute the women who have kept America safe. They paved the way for all the brave women fighting today and the ones who will fight in the future once the robot apocalypse kicks off. They also inspired me to avoid the line for the women's bathroom bras, also known as braziers or more formally, over the shoulder boulder holders.
The histories of women and their bras have been pushed together and held there for as long as we can remember, and you can always tell a lot about what's going on with women in society by how their breasts are being stored, from the ancient Romans wearing band doux style sports bras for athletic competitions, to the women of the early Offs who shot whipped cream out of their bras as a way to destigmatize public breastfeeding. I was nursing, I could never quite get my milk to come out
that frothy. One of the earliest versions of the bra was in the Middle Ages, when women could wear two fabric bags over their breasts inside their These ladies didn't have time for cute underwear. It was the thirteen hundreds.
They were more concerned with finding new recipes for gruel and not dying from a paper cut for a while during the French Revolution and Victorian eras bras took a backseat to corsets, which ever so gently molded a woman's body into that super desirable hourglass figure, because nothing is
sexier than a woman who might be filled with sand. Luckily, by the end of the nineteenth century, a frenchwoman named Ermini Cadal had designed the first modern bra by cutting a corset in two and sewing it into something that was then considered lingerie and would now be considered school clothes on euphoria. It gave women more freedom than the traditional corset, but was still impossible to take your bra through your shirt in the locker room at Planet Fitness.
Be right there, don't start zooma without me, thankfully. In nineteen fourteen, a nineteen year old named Caress Crosby invented a bra that ditched the corset all together.
Crosbie wanted a broad aware.
To Debutante ball that was actually comfortable, so she made one herself out of two handkerchiefs tied together with a ribbon. It turned out to be a huge hit at the ball, probably because in a corset bra, the only dance women could do was the robot, and no one likes the person at the party doing the robot, especially before robots were invented. She's possessed Fetch Father Mkay.
With her new bra.
Carress Crosbie and women everywhere were liberated, except for the fact that they were still women in nineteen fourteen. But aside from that liberated Crosbie's bra was a hit, but it continued to evolve, and by the nineteen fifties, new styles led to an all out bob party. Bros became an intrinsic part of fashion, with underwires and padding allowing women to emulate the stars of the era like Marilyn
Monroe and Jane Mansfield. An ample bosom was as synonymous with nineteen fifties womanhood as not having a bank account or getting excited when you get a vacuum for your anniversary. And it wasn't just about the curves thanks to torpedo bras, it was also about the quaintiness, which may look a little odd now, but at the time it was.
The Cold War, so it made sense to.
Have extra missiles on hand in case Russia invaded. But while bras were supporting women, not all women were supporting bras. In fact, by the late nineteen sixties, going bralis became a fashion statement. Boobs were free to hang and move around and swing as much as all.
The couples at the party.
It was a great time for boobs, except for all the polyester they were rubbing against for the first time. But contrary to popular belief, burning bras was never actually a thing. What did happen is that in nineteen sixty eight, demonstrators were protesting the Miss America pageant for being sexist, racist, and forcing women to solve world peace.
In ten seconds. I need at least five minutes to do that.
So protesters toss symbols of their oppression into what they referred to as the freedom trash can, which also happens to be what I call the dumpster outside Whole Foods. And those symbols of oppression included bras, but they never actually set them on fire. That's just a myth, like mild menstrual cramps or the male orgasm.
I'll believe it when I see it.
But by that point bras were so ingrained in society that many people struggled with the idea that they can be optional. The idea took hold that not wearing a bra was somehow inappropriate or unprofessional, like in nineteen ninety when a woman in Arkansas was found in contempt at court when the judge said her breasts were obviously showing through her shirt. Objection, your honor, my right to a fair trial is up here. And only a few years ago, a Florida high school student was forced.
To put band aids over her nipples at school.
That's a trip to the school nurse that will also send you to the school psychiatrist.
I'm just kidding.
American schools can't afford those, but for those who want to wear them, it's a great time for bras. Right now, bra designers are no longer telling women what they should be wearing. Instead, they're listening to what women want to wear. There are so many comfortable options now, from ath leisure to sports bras.
Women can live a life where they aren't.
Being squeezed like an empty tube of toothpaste. And there's no telling what the future of bras will be like. Maybe twenty years from now, all bras will be NFTs. Who knows, not me, I literally don't know what that means. But whatever form bras take, there's one thing that you can always count on. They will lose their shape in the dryer, but only if you wash them in the first place. Oh, childbirth, it's like three D printing a person.
Bringing a baby into this world isn't easy. But for most of recorded history, other people, usually men, have been dictating to women the terms of their own childbirth, even when they don't know what the hell they're talking about.
Time to take a.
Couple of deep breaths and push out another history. Let's start all the way back in ancient Greece. Plato may have been one of the greatest philosophers of all time, and you could definitely rock that casual tunic look like nobody's business. But when it comes to babymaking, he was clueless. He thought the womb could literally wander around the body like one of those DVD screensavers.
WHOA is that an eyeball? I am definitely on the wrong floor.
As dumb as Plato's dumb ideas about women's anatomy were, they were accepted by male doctors for centuries, and doctors couldn't do their own research because for most of human history, male doctors refused to even watch a.
Woman give birth.
They avoided the delivery room like it was an idea, a woman said in a meeting.
In fact, in fifteen.
Twenty two, a cure as German doctor decided to sneak into the delivery room dressed as a midwife and guess.
What he was burned alive for it. It's like the most extreme drag race challenge ever.
So, because men didn't have the balls to see a vagina, it was up to the midwives to deliver the babies. That is until the mid sixteenth century, when men realized how much money they could make by doing it themselves. But even in the delivery room, men were still so squeamish about seeing lady parts that they made women lie on their backs and cover their.
Legs to deliver.
That's why lying on your back is still the standard delivery procedure today, even though there are so many more comfortable and efficient positions.
A woman can give burthen on her.
Side, squatting on all fours, or how I did it standing in line to get into the Gucci sample sale. Fun fact, if you find a placenta stain on the scarf, we'll give you an extra five percent off. Aside from awkward positions, men started doing all kinds of things to women.
We never would have chosen ourselves. We all know what this is, right now, Why do you think this.
Was invented to chop down trees, hunt down unsuspecting hotties.
Wrong?
Originally, the chainsaw was invented to assist in childbirth. How horrifying is that at that point I'd rather just let the baby.
Grow up inside me.
It's no surprise male doctors would come up with the idea of chainsawing a baby out of a woman because a woman's pain was never really taken into consideration, which is crazy because pain is the most traumatic thing about childbirth. Well, that and going on Maury afterwards to find out who the child's father is. But for a long time, men believe that women should feel pain during childbirth, that it was part of her destiny, so painkillers weren't even an option.
In fifteen ninety one.
A woman from Edinburgh had the gall to ask for pain relief during the birth of her twins, and no joke, she was burned at this steak for it. Yeah, another one apparently just telling someone no wasn't invented for another couple's sets. Painkillers were largely off limits until the mid nineteenth century, when Queen Victoria used chloroform for the birth of her eighth child. She raved about it, which made it even more popular.
She truly was the original mommy influencer.
Thanks to Queen Victoria, drugging women during childbirth became much more acceptable, But after one hundred years or so, the no drugs philosophy came back in style again thanks to men like doctor Grantly dick Read, the first modern physician to suggest women shouldn't get drugs at all, because he claimed that women's pain was all in their heads. In his defense, he was probably just trying to get revenge on his mom for giving him that name. Look, if
women want drugs during childbirth, that's their choice. If they want to push a watermelon through a bagel hole without drugs, that's also their choice. The problem is when decisions are being made by other people without putting the woman first.
And that's not just in the past. It continues today.
There's obgyns who refused to work with the doula episiotomy is being performed without consent, and unnecessary sea sections being pushed on women just to work around a doctor's lunch break. Which is honestly kind of weird, because if you still have an appetite after cutting a person open, then I need a new doctor and you need a shrink. So to all the doctors and medical professionals out there, please listen to the women who are actually pushing another human
being out of their bodies. Take their concerns seriously, put their interests first, and for God's sake.
Please no more burning people at the stake.
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